SERIOUSLY Imperial College rector suggests market fees must make up for a lack of government funding
stall
snag earlier last week when academics “fourth powerhouse” of universities in Brit-
from the Association of University Teachers ain, alongside the golden triangle of Oxford,
rejected all plans that had been proposed. Cambridge and London. The new institute
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24 October 2002 NEWS 3
Students descend on Parliament to lobby on increasing hardship and debt
Students urge MP’s to ensure a fairer funding system ahead of the student funding review due in November
THE LARGEST EVER representation of By Richard Watts
students yesterday (Wednesday 23 October)
took their message of increasing hardship NUS is employing in its campaign for a
and debt to Westminster. Students from all fairer funding system. The very real and
over the UK, including delegations from ugly threat of top-up fees has resurfaced
Scotland and Wales, urged MPs to put and it is vital that MPs remember just how
pressure on ministers ahead of the student hostile voters were towards tuition fees just
funding review to ensure a fairer outcome 16 months ago. The student funding review
than the current system. was set up after the electorate showed their
The recent merger talks between University disgust at the failing funding system the
College London (UCL) and Imperial government introduced in 1997. Students
College have shown once again that top-up continue to graduate with higher levels of
fees remain on the agenda, despite a Labour debt, despite working longer hours in paid
manifesto commitment ruling them out and jobs to support themselves, to the detriment
fierce hostility to tuition fees on the doorstep of their grades. The public does not want
at the last general election. top-up fees and it is a brave government that
Students have been lobbying their MPs ignores the views of public.”
and listening to guest speakers, including Paul Wright, the Students’ Union president,
Minister for Lifelong Learning, Margaret and Toni Borneo, the Vice President
Hodge MP during the afternoon. Education & Welfare officer, both attended
NUS National President, Mandy Telford the lobby. A report on the event will appear
said: “This lobby is just one of the tools in barefacts next week.
Why should people care about news when “Man’s divine right” is not
“unreality” tv is so much more exciting?
an invitation for goosing
It was one of those popular news items les and everyone wants to know how many
where those that read and watch the news bedrooms it has and whether he will convert HAS ANYBODY ELSE divine right is met with anger.
have a good sniff at those that don’t. What his bar or not. The latter is simply more ex- noticed how most bar and LARISSA NEVE Indeed, just last week my new
is more, they get to do it without the latter citing than the former. pub dwelling men seem to be uni buddies and I went for a
group even realising they are the subject of On another level, how excited and informed under the absurd impression I blame the feminist drink and a dance in a local
someone else’s joke. can the public be if they have no real idea of that it is their hands divine movement for this: bar. As a friend and I passed
Just in case you missed the news (and are what is going on? Take Europe, for exam- right to come in to prolonged men have become a couple of men on the stairs,
thus in a seeming majority) then it was ple: in another survey, Britons, aside from contact with any passing one of them decided to carry
impolite
reported at the beginning of this week that expressing a basic distance from the EU, female Glutinous maximus? I out his divine right on my
more people can name five characters in generaly speaking had no idea whether it find this appallingly ill-mannered behaviour friend and accordingly pinch her bottom. He
Eastenders than they can in the current gov- is a good idea or not to be a part of Europe extremely perplexing and moreover then turned to do the same to me, but I was
ernment cabinet and that one in five Britons and what exactly all of this single currency degrading. quick enough to swivel around and tell him
cannot name a world leader. is about. The reason for this is a constant Women who have fallen victim to this form to get lost. At this point he flipped, shouting
The folks who compiled the survey were spiral of mis-information and a seeming of sexual harassment in the workplace can obscenities and aggressively advancing on
aghast at the level of ignorance apparently covert approach from the government. You receive substantive compensation and have me to the point where his friend had to hold
prevalent in Britain and expressed the now can’t talk about something you don’t know the satisfaction of seeing their attackers him back from hitting me. This left me very
obligatory concern that the nation is “dumb- anything about, which is why people can appropriately punished. However, it is not shaken and unable to enjoy the rest of my
ing-down.” talk at great length about Big Brother and just the opposite sex who fall victim to evening. It was as if I was insulting and
The truth is that these supposed reality the formation of the England football team. man’s divine right. Last year at my sixth degrading him by defending myself.
television shows, which, incidentally, are The current situation in America with the se- form, a boy was severely punished for I blame the feminist movement. For some
the least realistic scenarios barefacts could rial sniper is a good example of what people goosing a member of the same sex. reason in the 1960s and seventies, equality
possibly think of (ten people in a house with really care about: American’s are lapping The fact that the goosed male was indeed began to mean a loss of respect for women.
a dividing wall, celebrities bumming it on a up all the news coverage they can get their His Royal Highness, Prince Edward and Men no longer had to open doors and pull
tropical island, people singing really badly hands on, because, aside from the tragedies, the incident happened right in front of an out chairs for women because bra-burning
in order to get their face in the paper etc.) are it is all quite exciting to have a marksman ITN news crew might have had more effect feminists found it insulting. With the need
just much more exciting than any news item on the loose. It might seem morbid to say on the severity of his punishment than the for polite behaviour gone, many men have
could ever be or any politician could make a it, but it is true: with full respect to the situ- actual act itself. become more and more impolite towards
manifesto point. ation, it is a bit like “You’ve Been Framed”, Nevertheless, it does go to show that this women, to the point where groping a
“We pledge to stand by Section 28” bel- but a little more extreme, and that appeals sort of behaviour is unacceptable in society woman in public has become commonplace
lows Iain what’s ‘is name at the Tory Party to people. and is punished accordingly. So why not in behaviour.
conference and everyone replies “who cares Some bloke bashing on about policy this, pubs, clubs and bars? Doesn’t the mentality of the common man
- we moved on from that a long time ago.” percentage points that and GDP deficits, Many argue that there are a large number have parallels with that of a rapist? Do most
Robbie Williams buys a house in Los Ange- we’re afraid, does not appeal. of girls who actively go out to pubs and bars men see women as objects for their own
seeking male attention and recognition. They sexual gratification? If so, it is obvious that
search for male flattery in any way shape or women have not done enough to curb these
“THE REASON THE UNIVERSITY HAS day permit to hand it in for something more
appropriate, like a car-share or occasional
permit. Hence the current offer (see last
NOT INCREASED THE NUMBER OF week’s “Bare Facts”) to refund £159 for
every student annual permit surrendered
up to 1 November. In the longer-term the
PARKING SPACES ON CAMPUS FOR University will have to put a further squeeze
on permit eligibility. One way is to see
whether there are areas outside Guildford
PERMITTED TO AND NOT BECAUSE IT the local bus operators similar to the one the
University has with Arriva in Guildford. The
research into this is about to begin.
DOES NOT THINK IT NEEDS TO.” And finally, why the 4:3 ratio in the first
place? Why not 1:1 so that the £127 paid
by a student (or £225 paid by a member
They were also encouraged to use their Not only do the planning conditions put on The equivalent for a member of the public of staff) for an annual permit guarantees
powers to demand binding agreements from the University prevent any more purpose- would cost well over £400. In recent years a space? That is a beguiling concept but
organisations to reduce traffic in return for built car parks, they also stop the University there have been a number of additions totally unrealistic. It does not take account
granting planning permission. This policy putting down temporary car parks. We and upgrades to the facilities for bicycles, of the constantly changing nature of the
was continued with enthusiasm by the were able to use the playing field a couple with more cycle parking currently under University’s population during the year.
incoming Labour government, which made of weeks ago because conditions were dry consideration, all paid out of parking fee Even if a straightforward way can be found
clear that one of its aims was encouraging and cars could be parked on the grass. But income. of identifying the 1700 people to get 1700
people to use other forms of transport than if we had put down a temporary surface Specialist software to run a car-sharing permits, they would not all want to use the
the car. of any kind the playing field would have database was bought in 1999 and a new car parks every day. Some students start in
The University first felt the effect of the become a “car park” and would have needed publicity campaign about this is being September and go on placement or field
change in Government policy in 1995 planning permission (which would have organised. The rules on the buying car- trips during the year, some start at other
when the County Council made clear that been refused). Now the weather has turned sharing permits were relaxed this year, so times than September. Staff join and resign
it regarded the University as a major factor wet we cannot risk the damage to the field or that an official car-sharing group needs at any time during the year. Some staff and
in generating traffic into Guildford. In short, the danger of cars getting bogged down. only a minimum of two car-owning students, of course, are part-time or start or
the University would not be permitted to As for the questions about parking permits members (students or staff) living outside finish at unusual times during the day. In
build any more general car parks and the and charges, the answers lie largely in the the exclusion zone. The car-sharing permit short, if we sold at 1:1 we would be likely
only additional parking spaces would be measures which the University has been is excellent value at £75.60 a year and to have numerous spaces empty at any one
those which would be approved in relation obliged to include in its Transport Plan. guarantees a parking space up to 1300 each time and a lot of cross people who had been
to each new building. Then discussions If Government’s “widening participation” day. A new feature this year is the guarantee denied a permit would be looking at them
began with the local authorities over policy requires the University to expand of reimbursement of a taxi fare home for any enviously. The one sure way of guaranteeing
planning permission for the Duke of Kent while its number of parking spaces remains member of a group on up to six occasions that every space is used but no-one pays for
Building, the largest building to be built on virtually constant, the only practical a year. (Full details of the scheme from a space they can’t occupy is to turn the car
Stag Hill in 30 years and designed to serve approach is to restrict the number of people Security). parks over to first-come-first-served pay and
more than 1000 students in nursing and eligible to park on site. That is somewhat All this, and various road and pedestrian display. A dream, perhaps, but a nightmare
for members of the University!
24 October 2002 COMMENT 7
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to guarantee their presence in the next newspaper. Letters may
be edited for length or clarity | E-mail: barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Trying to get home without going “alone” “The Surrey Scoop” considered ‘offensive’
is not that easy Does barefacts really want to be an organ for the perpetuation and
More responses to Toni Borneo’s safety article of two weeks ago dissemination of such sexist and damaging discourses?
WWW.USSU.CO.UK
If you are interested in a position on the editorial team or writing for barefacts, please come along to the Printed by South West Wales Publications
Adelaide Street, Swansea
editorial meeting | thursday | 5pm | in the media centre | e-mail barefacts@ussu.co.uk © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2002 Tel: 01792 510000
8 UNION
M
24 October 2002
P
case the main thing you are trying to do is to and pick up a copy of the leaflet ‘Curriculum
So, where did I get my first job?? The
bring your CV to their attention, you can’t go Vitae’. A good letter can make the difference
University of Surrey Students’ Union!
far wrong in constructing your letter along the between outright rejection and an invitation to
As Vice President Societies and Culture computers to community venues throughout
following lines. interview.
for 2000-2001, I looked after around sixty Surrey and teach the public how to use a
Three months. What were you doing three student societies and ran events such as the wide range of computer programs and surf
months ago? Possibly on holiday, maybe at Freshers’ Fayre and International Week. the internet. It’s a satisfying job, allowing
home with your family, or you could have I was lucky enough to have been involved me to combine office work and being ‘out
with the Union throughout my time at the on the road’, involving the management of
lacement
been doing as I was and making a move
even further away from your home and University – something I’d recommend finance and staff, but also having personal
friends than the move to Surrey was two to any Surrey student - through student contact at grass roots level through being
years before. Having only been as far a field radio, the Arts & Entertainments committee one of the trainers myself. I’m much
in the UK as Birmingham in the North and and the Union Executive, so it was a real happier working for an organisation who
challenge and an honour to have the running actively support communities and go out of
Bournemouth in the south moving to Bristol,
as I had to do was for me almost like moving
S EAK of the building entrusted to our team for the their way to work towards better county and
to the other side of the planet! During the year. improved skills amongst its residents.
exams at the end of last semester I eagerly But, all good things must come to an It’s quite a transition from having done a
asked around to find out who else would be end, and as my term of office drew to a music degree – the wrong sort of keyboard
joining me in this new adventure to find that close, off I trotted to a friendly recruitment for a start- but it seems that well-paid arts
By Adam Hatton
nobody else would. agency, which found me a job in conference jobs are few and far between, and there’s no
The initial days were very stressful, the co-ordination. Off to the private sector harm in diversifying and learning a few new
tidy to the absolutely horrific and every
most awkward being finding way to get a I headed, armed with high hopes for skills – I’m even heading back to University
stage in between. At lunchtime we visited
roof over my head in a place nearly four international travel opportunities and pay (well, the Open one) to start a diploma in
a house so nice inside and perfect to my
hours drive from Kent. Feeling already I had rises, only to realise that the conferences I Information Technology to help me along
requirements (bus route, cable, broadband
left things dreadfully late a fortnight before was co-ordinating were on topics I disagreed my way in my new career!
internet...) I was absolutely besotted. We
the placement was due to begin I leapt into with and the private sector way of thinking So, to sum up what I’ve learned from
looked at one last house, but only because
a car with my parents and a bit of advice wasn’t entirely akin to my own ideology of my first two years out of university:- don’t
we had set up the meeting earlier, I had my
from a relative and set out on the journey. how a business ought to work. sacrifice your principles, but do think what
heart set on this and was already making
Being very much spur of the moment people Now, 18 months on from my graduation, salary you’ll realistically need to live around
the mental plans. Having left the last house
many of the agencies we visited were very I’ve moved into Information Technology Guildford and don’t assume that the area in
we trotted down to the letting agency and
surprised at us turning up on their doorstep and Training and project manage a UK which you did your degree is necessarily
I signed on the dotted line and paid my
and expecting to be shown around as many Online scheme called ‘Tech-IT-Up’. We take your concrete career plan for life!
deposit. All of this though was pending one
houses as possible in just that day. I have very important issue: the agreement of those
to thank them greatly for even allowing remaining in the house for another year In retrospect it was fair enough if the people promise. I called the landlady on the way up
us to look as many places as we did with agreeing to me moving in. in the house wanted to move some of their and arranged for her to meet us at the house,
such little notice. One thing I do have to This issue weighed over me and lead to a friends in, but if anyone is on the other side planning for the worst I had a suitcase with
recommend though if you do head off on a week of continual calls to the agency to find of this situation in the future, please tell your a suit and the minimal clothing and gear I
placement and know nothing about the area out if they had word yet. It was now the agency or landlord ASAP so you don’t leave needed to slum it in a B&B for a while. After
it may be worth giving the local University’s Tuesday of the week before my placement people like me with nowhere to live at short a week and a bit of worry and stress I was
Accommodation Office a call as they may was due to begin and we had heard nothing notice. willing to settle for almost anything at that
be able to give you some advice, I have to from the agency or the residents of the So it was now an emergency situation by point and I accepted the offer from this lady
thank the staff at the University of the West house themselves. Finally I got into contact this point it was Wednesday and I found and we marched off to sign everything.
of England’s Accommodation Office for with the agency and discovered the current myself back in the car heading up to Three months, it really doesn’t seem
giving me a map some information on the occupiers of the house had planned to move Bristol for the second time in just over a like I have been here in Bristol all that
local area, where students live and where some of their friends in instead and had said week in desperation. I did have a plan in time (aside from a visit to Rockingham,
they go to enjoy themselves! no! So with less than a week to go before my mind though, we had visited one house the Northamptonshire via London), my
Using this map we navigated the streets of placement I was looking all set to be staying previous week that though being a bit tired placement, I’ll save the start of that story for
Bristol exploring many houses from the in B&Bs or hotels in my first week at work. and in need of a lot of tidying had some another time.
10 SERIOUSLY SEXY WEEK 24 October 2002
You might well ask what George Bush has to do with sex as devoid of emotion - its just something to get on with and
IS LOVE; FOR
and you even might be wondering what counselling has to
do with it as well. This might just be a smart arse counsellor
trying to grab headlines (might be true……….??) or just
do - after all everyone is at it somewhere on campus aren’t
they???? Perish the thought, but maybe even our parents are
at it somewhere….
SOME IT IS
trying to show off his literary skills by filling half a page
with (unintentional of course) double entendres (if you don’t
know ask a friend).
For some it is about performance. For others it’s a
compulsive and destructive addiction. Last but not least for
some couples it is an integral part of an intimate relationship
PERFORMANCE;
Which kind of leads me to the point of this article - how
many of us can talk openly about sex? What we think, what
we like and don’t like, what worries us and what it makes
which is a source of real pleasure. In other words, when
good, a sexual relationship can be an important feature of
sharing another person’s intimate world - when bad it can be
FOR SOME IT
us feel like? I’m not talking about the loud showing off
after several pints of lager or the ‘Ten Top Tips to Keep
your Lover Happy….’ kind of thing…..although some of
hurtful, painful and destructive to our self and others.
But you don’t have to be in a relationship to think about
sex. Most of us spend more time thinking/talking about it
IS DEVOID OF
these are actually quite good. Type in sex and advice to the
Google search engine and lo and behold over 1 million sites
are listed - enough probably to answer all your questions ( by
than actually doing it - when it comes down to it, thinking
about what you do is an excellent form of contraception ..(on
that one do go and see the Health Centre Staff).
EMOTION.”
the way typing in sex and advice and George Bush to search Getting used to being on your own is a factor in University
gives some interesting results…..). life - for some students this sense of freedom is quite brilliant telling us. Counselling is about making sense of ourselves
What is sure is that we are all hard-wired for sex - but for others being on your own is an all too familiar place. and the world we live in.
Darwinists among you will know why. But whether we take It can mean isolation and loneliness and feeling excluded - as For lots of us, relationships….whether this is the lack
a serious ethical and moral stance on sex or something based you peer out your windows you see every other student in a of, or too many of the wrong type…. and the sexual and
on the pleasure principle we find it hard to escape from. relationship, fully satisfied with their sex lives. That fantasy emotional parts of them can benefit from being talked about.
Even if we shut ourselves off from the world and never read - which it is - can lead to further withdrawal and isolation Yes I know ‘Just talk about it!’ has now become a cliché, but
a magazine, watch a movie or evesdrop on a conversation and for some it can trigger off a cycle of despair. Enter the if you can get over that then maybe, just maybe, having a
on the bus or on Guildford High Street (I cant be the only world of the internet with its promise of chat-rooms and chat with one of the counsellors might help a small problem
one doing that…. eh????) you can be fairly sure that at some sexual imagery of every type imaginable. A whole new become a large one. Equally having a look at a large problem
point in our splendid isolation we will be visited by thoughts world of internet relationships emerges with something to might begin to make it more manageable.
and fantasies about sex. Most of the time this is normal - its suit every taste. Now I’ve forgotten why I mentioned George Bush, but you
been said that men think about sex every three minutes and But I hear you ask what has this to do with counselling? must admit it did get you reading……
women less so. But just like sex, it isn’t the frequency that’s Well the Student Counselling Centre on campus offers a (The Student Counselling Centre can be contacted by phone
important its what it means to us. free, confidential service to all students and whether its on 01483 689498 (internal 9498), by dropping in to fix
How we make our own sense of sex (and our own about sex, or anything else for that matter, we would be an appointment (were between the Duke of Kent and the
sexuality for that matter) is what is important. For some it is more than happy to talk with you. We wont preach at you. Student Health Centre) or by email at …..Alternatively if
inextricably tied up with love - both loving an other person We don’t tell you what is right or wrong although we might you want to discuss a specific issue by email then contact me
and hopefully being loved in return. Others experience sex well let you know what we think and feel about what you are directly on l.mcminn@surrey.ac.uk).
24 October 2002 SERIOUSLY SEXY WEEK 11
So who exactly is chlamydia everyone talks about?
An article by Jodi Saunders- senior nurse, UniS Health Centre
sex cells
which the infected person has no idea they
are there at all – although Gonorrhea was
a little worried that a burning sensation
during urination might alert men and
women alike to its presence.
They ended their convention with the
usual prayer against the place where
people can get information about sexually
transmitted infections, known commonly as
the welfare section of
www.ussu.co.uk/yourunion
and wished each other the best with their
efforts during the term-time activities of
students everywhere.
Abortion: what do you think? An article by Toni Borneo: VP Education & Welfare
What do you think of when you hear the word ‘abortion’? of unplanned pregnancy despite using some form of operations and greater risk, and more women traveling
You might think it’s a tragedy, or a means to an end, or a contraception. Scary. to obtain it. There would also be tens of thousands of
turning point for women’s right to choice, or you might In Britain, we are lucky. Women can request a unplanned, unwanted babies born each year. This would
think it will never touch your life. The Surrey area has the termination, and two doctors must confirm her conditions. have serious consequences for each of those women, for
highest rate of terminations in the country, according to the It’s not a case of granting it just because she wants it. But public health and society as a whole.
Health Promotion Service, and that’s because it’s such an those conditions are realistic and we have considerably I would hope that our student population is, on the whole,
affluent area. The theory is that, in this area, people have greater choice than in some other countries. That means we pro-choice. And certainly in favour of supporting women
more at stake and are less willing to sacrifice that for an are protected too. Because abortion is legal (Abortion Act (and their reproductive partners) in making that choice.
unplanned pregnancy. 1967), it can be regulated and is relatively safe. In countries Certainly, polls in Britain show that most people support a
But regardless of where you are in the country, abortion where it is illegal, it still happens, but in sometimes quite liberal law, with only a small minority opposed to abortion
is bound to be a student issue. The age, lack of security, shocking, dangerous conditions. Or women simply travel in all circumstances.
need for qualifications, pressure to succeed academically to countries where it is legal (especially Britain) which is But, it’s not the ideal preventative method, and it’s not to
and many other factors will mean that some students have possibly even more of an ordeal. be relied on instead of using contraception. So, the Health
to make that choice. The age group to call upon this service There are so many issues surrounding abortion. At what Centre (and I) would implore everyone to be as careful as
most frequently is 20-24 years. The important thing is that stage of pregnancy can it be carried out (up to 24 weeks)? possible in the first instance (free condoms in both places!).
their choice is properly discussed with health professionals What do people think? How does religion fit into it? Is it a And in case of accidents and unplanned pregnancy,
and that that person is supported entirely. health risk? Etc…I think the simplest idea is to give you the please know that the University and the Union are totally
The British Pregnancy Advisory Service have provided reasons for and against having an abortion, as outlined by sympathetic and supportive. So don’t think you have to
the Union with information and literature should any of you BPAS (see charts). struggle through alone.
be interested in understanding the process a little better. I So, is there an alternative? In a word, no. If abortion were
will outline the main points here. still illegal, there would simply be more ‘back street’ Arguments for legal abortion
Contraception and abortion are both ways of avoiding
The embryo or fetus should be respected, as potential
unplanned pregnancy, but contraception is considerably Arguments against legal abortion human life but does not have the same value as a born
less traumatic to deal with. Opting for a Pill, condom, IUD,
Human life begins at conception and abortion destroys person.
progesterone injection or whatever (the list goes on) can
respect for human life Women are capable of making the right moral choices and
prevent such a choice ever having to be made. But it has to
Abortion is a violent act that damages a mother and her can follow their own consciences.
be right for you. The Health Centre on campus or Family
baby. It is uncivilized and unjust. A pregnant woman understands her own personal
Planning Clinic can talk through contraception choices with
There are alternatives to abortion, such as adoption. circumstances better than anyone else and so is in the best
you.
Abortion damages women because they suffer post position to know whether she should or should not have
But even if you are careful in the first place, no
abortion guilt and trauma. the child.
contraception can guarantee 100% to prevent pregnancy.
Abortion is rarely necessary to save the life of the woman. Legal abortion is relatively safe and is likely to cause
In fact 60% of abortions handled by the BPAS are a result
Abortion encourages brutality towards children and child a woman far less harm than forcing her to continue her
abuse. pregnancy and have an unwanted child.
Abortion on grounds of fetal abnormality encourages It is better for children to be born to parents who want and
“EVEN IF YOU discrimination against disabled people. love them.
ARE CARFUL, NO
CONTRACEPTION Competition
CAN 100%
You see, even when we are helping you out and giving you the facts on things that are
GUARANTEE good for you, we’re still giving you things for free. As ever, all you need to do is answer a
simple question and some condoms will wing their way to you.
For the grand prize of 20 flavoured non-spermicidal condoms (ok- normal ones if you
PREGNANCY prefer) do you know which statement is false?
PREVENTION. (a)
(b)
You can’t catch HIV or AIDS by kissing an infected person.
The age limit for buying condoms is 12 years old.
(c) Chlamydia is often symptomless in women.
OVER 60% OF (d) Free condoms are available from USSU, the Health Centre and Nightline.
HANDLED BY THE
BPAS ARE DUE
TO UNPLANNED
PREGANCIES.
THAT IS A
SCARY FIGURE.”
PERSONALS COMPETITION
We know it’s not art, more free clothes!
but a whole page of £100 worth of miss
personals deserves a selfridge vouchers to
mention somewhere! be won by [maybe]
you - hurrah!
possession Now I don’t know about you guys, but this week my mind is all
over the place. The coursework is piling up and the lectures are
getting more and more complicated so at times like these I tend to
kick back with movies that I don’t have to concentrate too hard.
Possession, directed by Neil LaBute, is an Delving back into the depths of my childhood, I give you House
adaptation of the booker prize winner by Party, featuring the rap duo Kid n’ Play, a brilliant film with so
A.S. Byatt. Hoping to appeal to the ‘I liked many great lines. You will not be sorry if you ever manage to
the book so I’ll like the movie’ audience the find this movie (I have had some problems getting hold of a copy
director has unfortunately over looked the recently). Should you fail in that quest then grab a copy of Bad
sheer dullness of the subject matter. Boys from the rental store. I could watch this movie over and over
The story follows a pair of academics and I have done. The ideal movie to chill out to; a bit of action, a
(Gwyneth Paltrow and Aaron Eckhart) who bit of comedy and again some great lines. To complete this week’s
stumble across an ‘amazing’ discovery line-up I have to include Rush Hour. I believe the quote is: The
about the amorous past of a previously fastest hands in the east meet the fastest mouth in the west, which
considered frigid 19th century poet Ash. pretty much sums it up. Chris Tucker provides all the wise cracks
The film then oscillates between the present and Jackie Chan chips in with his usual dose of high kicks and
and past - as Gwyn and Aaron fall (so impressive stunts. An enjoyable flick that is a must-see. Enjoy
unsurprisingly) in love (with all the Oprah your week peeps and these movies
style complications that follow suit) and
the mystery of Ash’s life unfolds. Added to put on a decent English accent, but after screening Q&A with the director. He
complications arise with introduction of it’s difficult to keep a straight face whilst was quick witted and engaging, something
a bisexual element to poet’s mistress, but picturing Paltrow as a character called his film was not!
in true keeping to Victorian society the Maude.
lesbians merely live together and share the Ok, so it wasn’t all bad. Some of the
odd cuddle (sorry boys!). period drama was very well shot, had a
In true movie adaptation style, the good soundtrack and was enjoyable to
hero has been changed from a repressed watch. But, the vast majority of the film
Englishman to a dashing American hunk. set in the present reminded me of “Sliding
Unfortunately the transition leaves the Doors” but not funny (Not that you
character shallow. The biggest emotional could ever say “Sliding Doors” was side
revelation Eckhart can muster is when he splitting). It’s probably more of a film your
asks Paltrow, “Is there an Us in You and Mum would like, a bit of eye candy, not
Me?”, we sat and cringed with the rest of
:
much plot and Victorian drama. For us, the
the audience. At least Gwyneth managed most enjoyable part of the evening was the
*
background of synthesisers and all things key to Whitney’s survival. Whatchulookinat uses elements of R&B and a slight bizarre
digital. Worth a listen. six | d.k. likeness to Posh Spice’s duo with Dane Bowers many moons ago. Its not as cutting edge
as you may expect from Whitney but its not that bad even though lacking that sparkle that
BUS RIDE
previous hits have shown. five | m.b.
ALEX LLOYD | EMI
The latest single from Alex Lloyd sees
ALBUMS
*
him asking to ‘get on that bus and ride it
on home.’ Still, with no real destination
the new single is a laidback mellow track
with good vocals and some beautiful string
The Kiss of Morning
arrangements. Overall it is a nice sounding “A SUBTLE, graham coxon | transcopic
track made soulful by Alex Lloyd’s voice. If
you are ever found stuck on public transport INTIMATE The now ex-guitarist of Blur releases hi 4th
solo album and shows how much he has
after missing your stop then plug this track
in. Perfect bus riding music. seven | d.k. AFFAIR. ONE come of age outside of them. Always the
quieter member of Blur and never excited
THAT SHINES.” about his position in the limelight, ‘The
Kiss of Morning’ reflects this attitude. It
is a subtle, intimate affair but one which
Elviss shines. I’m not suggesting anything about
saturday 19th october | main union his state of mind but throughout Graham
seems to draw influences from estranged
The student Kerrang tour rocked into a well packed Student Union for a night of bish, sixties musicians such as Syd Barret (who
bash, mosh last Saturday. Up went the barriers around the stage, a sure sign of a metal originally in Pink Floyd is now a recluse
onslaught tonight peddled by Kerrang darlings the Elvis’s. With a Lostprophets sound and after going mad from taking too much acid)
a Stussy dressed lead singer this was definitely a more modern take on the metal genre. and Nick Drake (who overdosed on anti-
None of the band looked any different to you or I with the possible exception of the depressants). This fragile beauty comes
bass player who may or may not have been operating on any number of pyschotropics. through especially on ‘Latte’ and ‘Bitter
Personally I’d been free basing a combination of wine, lager and whiskey off mates with Jeans’. But perhaps the most notable song
jobs for much of the night and consequently found myself in that special place just when on the album is ‘song for Sick’ as it seems
the Elvis’s came on. The sweat soaked jock-rock was great for the mosh pit that had to reflect on his relationship with Damon,
formed to my left – things kicked off and didn’t subside for the whole set. I loved the “you stabbed me in the back, your lower
singer’s use of a citizen band like microphone to give a vocoder vibe and more venom to than a snake, your brains are in your sack,
the vitriol. He’s decked out in Stussy life ain’t that bad! Some peeps thought they were you two faced fucking fake”, OUCH! A
a little unimaginative, sure I hear where your coming from but my they were fun! More vulnerable gritty affair but his best yet.
please Mister Ents Manager. Alex Read seven | s.r.
18 MUSIC 24 October 2002
*
david gray and is a cracking 90 second blast. However
Writing and producing this record was a the album’s standout track has to be first
huge challenge for David Gray. To follow single ‘Grace’, the singalong anthem
up the colossal White Ladder Monsieur (“Save your money for the children”),
Gray would have to come up with which I’m sure, has ingrained itself in all
something that not only appealed to his your brains at some point over the last few
now huge fan base but also demonstrated weeks. This album is nothing like as fast
a progression, as we are now several years and furious as classic debut ‘I Should Coco’
on. What we get, is a very much more of or as immediate as second album ‘In It For
the same i.e. no pointless strings and brass The Money’. It is the sound of a band who
bits just good old-fashioned emotion on are completely comfortable with what they
the sleeve and acoustic guitar. This is a do. No radical departures then, this is the
lets give em more of what they want love Supergrass we all know and love. seven |
affair. David is clearly not in the slightest a.w.
bit disenchanted with the music biz and
appears to love every minute of his success.
Some dubious computer samples at the start
of Caroline are frankly terrible and there
are a few moments of experimentation
that left me thinking thank god he didn’t
try anything too Jean Michel Jaare. At his
best when things get really down in the
dumps David Gray peaks on Dead in the
Water. There is brass on Freedom which
conjures thoughts of Badly Drawn Boy
*
before dashing them with more melancholy.
Complaint music for the David Brent
generation. seven | a.r.
Details
ALBUMS
frou frou | wild
Disillusioned with dance? P****d off
with pop? Frou Frou think they might
just have the answer with their intriguing,
and admittedly rather fresh debut album,
Details. With the programming talents of
Guy Sigsworth (former Bjork and Madonna
collaborator) and the gorgeous, ethereal
vocals of Imogen Heap, the duo, with their
abundant talents, have crafted a record that
could genuinely give something fresh to the
charts. Something that is so sadly lacking with Tricky on 1995’s classic Maxinquaye.
in today’s processed, half-baked world of However, the album unfortunately runs out 1 Love
re-makes and cheap ballads that currently of inspiration, and in the end I struggle to nme warchild
infests the charts. The album starts off all pick more than four or five decent tracks. This is a money raiser knocked up by the NME and some big name stars oh and McAlmont
guns blazing with Let Go and current single The later songs slip into a very tired, & Butler have done a track too– nuff said. There’s diversity oh yes; we go from the Manics,
Breathe In. Soaring, breathy vocals from Dido-esque sound and the lyrics rapidly to More Fire Crew via pop sensation Darius. The deal is this: sixteen groups/musicians
Imogen are complemented excellently degenerate into run-of-the-mill, lovey- select their favourite number one song from the last fifty years and then they cover it.
by Guy’s complex layering and fractured dovey pop fare. Pop music is admittedly The best tracks without question are Jimmy Eat Worlds’ amazing emo soaked rendition
beats. However, this sets a pace which not my thing, which is why I give credit of the Prodigys’ Firestarter – words can’t do it justice. Other highlights include Elbows’
unfortunately they struggle to maintain over to Frou Frou for attempting this record Something In The Air where real emotion again punctuates every aspect providing ever
the course of the record. Imogen however, and managing to produce something that more dimensions of interest. My other fave is Badly Drawn Boy on Come On Eileen
shows why this classically trained pianist doesn’t irritate me! In the end though I something very appealing about the woolly hatted one and risqué lyrics – great. Amongst
and singer has drawn comparisons ranging can’t help thinking this upbeat direction these gems there’s some awful chipped glass: The Prodigys’ version of Ghost Town is
from Bjork to Beth should have been sacrificed for the darker comparable to the 16 bit Super Nintendo sound of the Ghost Valley levels on Super Mario
Gibbons to Cyndi Lauper and even Sinead side we see on tracks like Psychobabble. World i.e. trying to be scary but not actually. Starsailor oh dear, More Fire Crew no! the
O’Connor. Her hauntingly beautiful voice The record deserves a decent mark though chicken shed production is embarrassing – I feel I should contribute some of my student
has that same addictive sadness and beauty for what it is but gimme some nice, dark loan and the Stereophonics what the fuck are those vocals (please don’t take out the f-word
to it that I don’t remember hearing since Tricky any day of the week! six and a half it is appropriate when criticising Kelly Jones). Anyway there’s enough lines amongst the
Martina Topley-Bird burst onto the scene | d.h. rocks so buy it. eight | a.r.
24 October 2002 GIGS 19
Competition[s]
biggest ambivalent blend of The most famous and
sophistication and evil ever prestigious of Harris’
imagined. Dr Hannibal novels is, without a doubt,
“The Cannibal” Lecter. The Silence Of The
Thomas Harris was born Lambs (1988). FBI Agent So popular was last week’s competition that
in Jackson, Tennessee, Clarice Starling must we have decided to keep it open for another
in 1940. As a youth he trade in personal secrets week. The questions are thus:
enjoyed writing, and he about herself in order to
invested a lot of time in obtain information from For the Miss Selfridge vouchers:
the activity. He continued Dr Hannibal Lecter about how much discount is available at Miss
this by attending Baylor the serial killer known as Selfridge during the month of October?
University in Waco, Texas, “Buffalo Bill” (named so
to study English. He later for his tendency to skin For the motorola t191 handset:
married one of the students parts of his victims after what is the name of the mobile phone
he met there, although this killing them). Lecter company who are running the mixitmoto
did not last long. They divorced in the escapes at the end of the novel, leaving dj challenge at universities across the
60s with one daughter. Unfortunately for Starling to bask in her “15 minutes of united kingdom?
Harris, his father also passed away quite fame” after capturing Jame Gumb, aka
soon after. Buffalo Bill. If you could e- mail your answers
Harris spent six years as a crime reporter The final novel in the Lecter series is along to the usual address then
for the Associated Press in New York. This simply named Hannibal. It presents that would be great.
provided him with the knowledge and Starling’s “fall” after an unsuccessful Well, it will be more
insight needed to craft a dangerous criminal stakeout results in a bloodbath. Starling great for you than it
and bring it to life; but moreso the power had to choose between being killed, or will be for me, but
to craft a complex story-line laced with shooting a HIV+ mother holding a baby that is swings and
suspense and fear. (as well as a gun). The picture of Starling roundabouts.
His first novel, Red Dragon (1981) holding a baby covered with the blood of My girlfriend’s
introduced Dr Hannibal Lecter. An insane her mother is plastered all over the national decision is final
cannibalistic psychiatrist who possesses an press. In order to “atone”, she must return and all that, but
intelligence far greater than any average to a different case, more personal than any rest assured she is
human being. It tells the tale of Will of the others. She must find and capture a very reasonable
Graham, who years ago managed to capture Dr Hannibal Lecter. The conclusion to this person. In fact,
Dr Lecter; he still bears the scars. He, like book is extremely different to the film, so she’s loverrrly.
Lecter, has the ability of placing himself I will keep it under wraps in case anybody
in the mind of the killer in order to trace decides to read it. For those who have
the steps. However, a new killer is on the never read any of Harris’ novels before, I
loose. One who slaughters entire families urge you to do so. Harris has the powerful
in the most gruesome manner. skill of making the readers’ heart race, and
Finding this string of murders too close to in doing so, creating a frightful awareness
home (he now has a family), Graham takes of what could be standing outside the
it upon himself to return from retirement window...
24 October 2002 COMMUNICATE 21
Joe ‘Chungo’ Holloway – a tribute by the entire j-team
J - team j-team.biz was spelt out to me on a particular weekend trip away to a place called Cromford, in the
j-team.biz j-team.biz
North. The troop were staying in a converted railway station and a few of us, Chungo
excluded, had invested in a fortunes worth of ‘Bomb Bags’ or Lemonade Bombs with
which to cause havoc with over the weekend. We subsequently spent the entire first night
creeping into the leader’s rooms and setting them off. When the morning finally rolled
around we were all lined up before breakfast and quizzed. The genuine look of surprise on
the scariest of all leader’s face when she was told that Joe and his brother, Billy, had had
nothing to do with the proceedings the night before was absolutely priceless. Check out the
‘classic tomorrow for an impersonation of what she said!
I have always regarded Chungo as none other than ‘the tutor of my madness’. He was
also, however, one of the nicest people I have ever met. We never once argued, and
although I don’t remember a time when I wanted to, but you really couldn’t stay annoyed
with him. Everyone he met, provided they gave him half a second, could get on with him.
That is the mark of a real good person. It is for this reason that Mr. Tea found no difficulty
in liking him, which is why the rest is up to him. I just want to say that he was an immense
person, no less.
I, Mr. Tea am incredibly proud and privileged to say that I knew Chungo. The fact is that I
gave this guy the tag ‘the funniest person I have ever met’. I had never before met someone
that could constantly make me laugh. He made me laugh whenever I was with him, from
words: Judge Mental and Mr Tea dancing in the Union with our trousers round our ankles, to having a barking competition
We interrupt our schedule of articles to bring you the sad news of the passing away of a on a beach in Kent! It wasn’t even just what he said, the guy was an unbelievable actor and
dear friend of ours, Joe ‘Chungo’ Holloway. Monday 14th October saw the loss of a truly born entertainer. The mark of his entertainment skills was the way he could make me laugh
immense person from this Earth, almost simultaneously. As his name displays, Chungo was without saying anything. By using a ridiculous dance or just by sending one of his many
no ordinary guy. Despite being plagued with terrible asthma for the majority of his life, as comedy facial expressions my way, it didn’t matter – he made me laugh!
well as pulling through a nasty accident to his ankle a few years back, Chungo was always The sad fact of life is that people pass away everyday. Although I believe that Chungo’s
capable of producing fits of laughter out of anything at anytime. It was for this exact reason life was taken from him before his time, I am so happy that I was blessed with the honour
that Chungo had recently taken up the part of ‘random caller and creator of the Universe’, of getting to know him.
Matthew, on The J-Team Classic. Join us on Chungo’s J-Team Classic this Thursday for a musical tribute to the great man
I, Judge Mental, have known Chungo for over half of my life. Despite being a year older himself. We will endeavour to play all Chungo’s favourite tunes, as well as having some
than him, I knew him through his brother at primary school. It wasn’t until Scouts a few very special guests in the studio. Chungo’s brothers Harry and Billy (Drum and Bass DJ,
years later that I can say that I ‘got to know’ him. Chungo was always the ‘morale booster’ Holla B) and Forest (close friend of Chungo) will be joining us amongst others. So be
of the troop, if someone had done something cheeky, it was him! His prominent reputation there, 7-10 pm, 1350 am, GU2!
alcohol
There are four stages experienced on of the weekend. For example, ecstasy for
a lads ‘booze- up on the town.’ To the clubbing stage, progressing to snorting
begin with there is the ‘intoxication’ or cocaine in the toilets (if you can afford to!!)
‘wankeredness’, where everything starts to for that extra buzz. Once you get home,
become a blur, if extreme amounts of vodka the side-effects of ecstasy kick in such as
are consumed then one will feel an extra insomnia. You might then smoke some
boost of happiness combined with a very cannabis as this induces a relaxation for the
heavy dose of hyperactivity. Moving along ‘come down’ stage, which will help you to
to the womanising which, with the habitual sleep.
beer goggles, is a very common side effect In a way, the drugs distances the user from
which almost every teenage will testify in reality, achieving a higher train of thought
understanding and probably boasting to away from exams, financial difficulties,
‘first hand’ knowledge in the subject! The moaning girlfriends, hassle from parents where 22 men embark in an enthralling addictions in all extremes maybe combined,
third stage develops, the inevitable stage etc… However, the ill-effects of the match (in most cases), which inevitably but that it is quite rare, in most cases of
of being kicked out by the bouncer for majority of the drugs are very evident, results in whether ones week is satisfying teenage boys, there is always one major
being too drunk, after realising that you especially if you have known the user for a or not. Where one win against a local rival addiction which fuels their life, passion and
have spent almost all your hard earned while; the memory loss, the almost ‘senile or a fellow mates’ team could mean half a ‘energy’!!
cash, the hunger sets in. Digging into your dementure’ teenagers seem to suffer from year of abuse ‘dished out’ and perhaps, in a In my opinion, every man lives in search
pockets for that spare change; the search prematurely. In some cases, following the small way almost ‘control’ and ‘dominance’ of pleasure, that is why addictions are so
for the kebab van becomes a treasure hunt, road away from the ‘straight and narrow’ in arguments, where the mention of this common to all of us, the ecstatic feeling
the complete rip-off of a kebab feels at the into a zombie-like state, sadly throwing one result could reduce a man to tears!!!! when your team scores, the ‘highness’
time, PRICELESS!!! Once managing to away any chance of a great career that they The love for the game becomes the most from a pill, the feeling of invincibility
stagger home, you sleep in a drunken state, once had the potential to achieve. important part of the mans life, travelling to from drunkenness, an orgasm from sex and
this is a very bad form of sleep, where you ‘home’ and ‘away’ fixtures every time the the sense of achievement and pride when
never have a ‘deep’ sleep but end up as an
awful heap on the bed. Morning, the fourth
education team plays becomes the norm, finances are achieving fantastic exam grades!!!
stretched trying to keep up with increasing However I do believe that a sense of
stage; the struggle of getting out from bed, This may be surprising for the reader to ticket and kit prices, all this to watch dependence grows with these addictions,
the stumble into fridge or kitchen for a swig believe, but I have been associated with 11 men trying to kick a ball into a net!! in one extreme, we might not be able to
of any available fluid, like that English cup a few people in which this subject is the Fantastic, ISN’T IT???? survive without them...There are, of course
of tea, not forgetting the nine sugars (the only thing of any relevance to there lives!! all the negative effects to add; hooliganism,
dentist’s field day!!).
Alcohol is also a form of a pick up, it’s a
They refuse to go out, never watch TV sex severe depression, hangovers, diseases
(apart from the educational stuff), don’t and social isolation which can all be
way of taking away the insecurities of life, play sports, the reader may disagree with Its very hard not being addicted to consequences from our actions.
feeling confident, losing inhibitions, doing me, saying that no such person exists, this (without being too explicit), it’s the I hope that I have not offended anyone
or saying unusual things and even reacting however they do!!! In most cases, studying something about the way that you have in this article and that I have not been
in completely different ways compared to medicine, where their whole of a teenagers’ released energy which you never realized interpreted as a male chauvinist, sexist pig,
your sober self!!! Of course, not forgetting life has been stuck with their head in you had in you, it’s the smile from a great I have spoken from the heart, generalised
the liver and kidney damage (!). But the books, fuelled by the belief that this orgasm, the glow, I don’t know, but it can experiences that have happened to me or
when telling everyone that you will never will help them to achieve great things. dominate ones life quite dramatically. what I have seen with my own two eyes,
let yourself repeat the drunkenness…. However, this also means that they struggle Sometimes it’s the only thing on your and I hope you have enjoyed reading…
that feeling of head-thumping….. one is severely in socialising, which is very sad. mind, the subject always discussed (and that no-one belonging to the opposite
GUARANTEED to lie. I think that everyone would never disagree with friends!! Eyes never seem to stop sex will slap me!!!)
that receiving high grades and excellent wandering, either at the opposite sexes’
drugs accolades is one of the most pleasurable cleavage or other assets (no imagination
feelings that you can have. By doing this needed!!!), searching like a lion looking
The reliance on a chemical substance(s) above left and below: two fine specimens of this race
you can have immense pride in yourself for that next piece of meat, hormones run we like to call “human”
affects every type of relationship you wild, you become an uncontrollable sex-
could have; family, friends, social and football crazed fiend! Of course, the introduction
with yourself. Where a weekend will fully of self-discipline becomes highest on the
utilise the fact there are 48 hrs in which to and, at the end of the day life is about agenda; you would never want a girl to
‘PARTY’!!! In most cases, a ‘cocktail’ of oneself; pleasure can be a fortune or a loss. know what is really running through your
drugs are used for the different ‘stages’ Existence depends on a weekend fixture, mind (especially as they’re all running
through topless.) Arguably, the greatest
invention known to man, the Internet has to
“EVERY MAN LIVES be mentioned. The downloading of copious
amounts of hardcore pornography has made
life so much more satisfying, spending the
see the Canyheads at ‘Live’ last Tuesday 1. “Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees”
so some of you might have recognized BOYZONE.” 2. “Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air”
him. Anyway, over the next two weeks rich watts meets shane from boyzone 3. “I could spend my life in this sweet surrender”
there will be even more variation to the 4. “There’s a feeling I get when I look to the west”
shows on GU2 1350am. More new dj’s and 5. “We were hitch-hiking down a long and lonesome road”
presenters have been recruited so pretty 6. “At least I have her love – this city she loves me”
much every style has been catered for. For 7. “I said I love and I swear I still do”
a more detailed schedule visit our brand 8. “There’s a shadow hanging over me”
spanking new website www.gu2.co.uk. You 9. “Kicking your can all over the place”
can even see picture of the presenters on air the new Suede album, ALSO many many 10. “It’s not that I want you, not to say but if you only knew”
at the time. other albums to be won in between. But Remember - we are still
Last week lucky prize winner walked If you already own all of the albums you having the “who shall the
away with copies of the new Foofighters could ever wish for…. You can enter the token attractive person
single and Odeon competition that runs every Friday 11am- be this week in the lyrics
cinema ticket. 1pm to win Cinema tickets and goodies quiz area of barefacts.”
COMPETITIONS with Big Al and the Sex Machine. Last week, in its inaugu-
COMING UP It’s not too late to become involved ral week, the presenters
IN THE NEXT at GU2. Next week we are keen to of Newsround were the
FEW WEEKS: recruit more news team members and visual treat for all those
Next week win a technical support staff…….email who ventured that far.
meal for 2 at the recruitment@gu2.co.uk for more Perhaps if you have a
Emandel restaurant information. suggestion, or perhaps
in Richmond, plus a ONLY 3 MONTHS TO GO NOW even a picture, then you
Limited edition of BEFORE GU2 GOES ON FM! should let us know your
thoughts. I’m sure I
X WORD
An Ex-pat is not an ex-pat until they have at least been a pat in the first
place. An X-pat, however, needs no prior qualifications.
£100: which artists won the Turner Prize in 1986?
a: topsy and tim | b: gilbert and george | c: renet and renato | d: little and large
Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?
£200: in the sitcom “Are You Being Served”, whose catchphrase was “I’m Free”?
a: mr lucas | b: captain peacock | c: mrs slocume | d: mr humphries
£1k: in which country was the 1992 film “Strictly Ballroom” set?
a: south africa | b: canada | c: new zealand | d: australia
£16k: who played nicole kidman’s husband in the 1995 movie “To Die For”?
a: matt dillon | b: tom cruise | c: rob lowe | d: brad pitt
across down
1. wed [5] 1. sensitive plants [7] £32k: who painted the ceiling of banqueting house of Whitehall Palace?
4. made equine sound [7] 2. governor [5] a: rubens | b: rembrandt | c: renoir | d: raphael
8. inattentive type [7] 3. veil [7]
9. relish [5] 4. italian city [6] £64k: the world’s second largest barrier reef is off the coast of which country?
10. play indifferently [5] 5. bar of metal [5] a: belize | b: kenya | c: dominican republic | d: papua new guinea
11. interlace [7] 6. unfriendly [7]
13. recess [4] 7. went by car [5] £125k: in which of these disciplines did Vitaly Scherbo not win Olympic gold in 1992?
15. bird of prey [6] 12. tidy [4] a: floor | b: parallel bars | c: rings | d: pommel horse
17. stress [6] 14. saucy [4]
20. assess [4] 16. lean back [7] £250k: which was the first film to feature the on screen pairing of Spencer Tracy and
22. bowler’s aims [7] 18. sure [7] Katharine Hepburn?
24. religious teacher [5] 19. ancient greek vessel [7] a: morning glory | b: adam’s rib | c: guess who’s coming to dinner | d: woman of
26. covered in climbing plants [5] 21. facet [6] the year
27. instance [7] 22. chess player [5]
28. consistent [7] 23. invest [5] £500k: which country has a new parliament building known as the beehive?
29. slight push 25. two-legged creature [5] a: australia | b: canada | c: ireland | d: new zealand
£1m: which of these members of the royal family was born in 1961?
a: the earl of wessex | b: lady helen taylor | c: duke of york | d: viscount lindley
Luckily for us, maybe not so luckily for all of you, the
news is still flooding into the surrey scoop headquarters. the surrey scoop why would these unlikely suspects need chocolate spread in
their bedside table we wonder?
With so many of you e-mailing in your gossip and our team bus ride to campus and back again every day and using the Last week a rather large Union doorman was spotted
of on-the-ground investigators rapidly growing were are time to flirt with just about any young lady who is brave walking around campus very depressed due to his recent
discovering more and more of what has been happening out enough to sit near him. Don’t worry, one day all this work break-up with an ex-student. That was until he found
there- and that means we can expose more and more of the will pay off! consolation in the form of a ‘rebound shag’ with a rather
truth. It seems that two members of the ski team who have small member of bar staff. Well, it was a bit of a massive
During Chancellors Challenge last week a final year recently shacked up together in their own love-den in turn-around in such a short space of time wasn’t it?
physics student and barefacts article writer’s long-kept The Oval have some deep dark secrets which until now Yes, we did see you! And you thought you’d got away
secret was exposed. It seems that for the past 3 years he remained in the privacy of their bedroom. An undercover with it didn’t you? You thought noone was going to find
has been running away from a name which he thought he investigator discovered that the contents of their bedside out what you did last week! Well now everyone is going to
gossip
had left at school. We think that for keeping this to yourself table largely consisted of jars of chocolate spread. Now find out! Yes we’re talking about you, the gentleman from
for so long and lying as to your true identity we should let Surrey court who, when his girlfriend went home early,
everyone know what you should be known as from now
words: a nonny mouse took two very intoxicated young ladies back to your room,
on! It was revealed that throughout his school career he was none of you emerging for at least 3 hours. The poor guy
called ‘Bernard Manning’. How could you not have told downstairs couldn’t possibly get to sleep with the noises
everyone sooner? that were coming out of your room!
Forget dating agencies and adverts in newspapers, the new If you see something going on which should not be going
way to find your perfect partner is clearly the Hazel Farm un-reported please let us know by e-mailing thesurreyscoo
bus! A certain young man has been making the most of the p@hotmail.com. We’ll be watching you all!
26 PERSONALS 24 October 2002
i think a congratulatory word is in form!- bring on Solley after christmas! Jusin! Stop biting my kneck!!! top floor of Senate House
order for everyone who has contributed
a personal over the last few weeks for You drop that wok again + I’ll fuckin Maureen! Get your self a job you lazy Left your gloves behind SexGod? Should
finally we have reached the target of one kill ya! bum!!! have just used marigolds mate
whole page of personals. it has been a
bit of a slog, but we’ve made it there in Rampant rabbit sales due to soar after Yes....I am aware that you know where Rich, you may have won the first round
the. a big pat on the back to everyone tonight?? I live! but Sarah will come through for
(not a cow-pat mind: bom bom) and all us in the final!!
that is left to say is keep ‘em comin’ and Oi! Pegleg Matt! Stop drinking wine BJ. Vladimir called and said the dove
remember that barefacts@ussu.co.uk and eating crepes for a second and go to flies high above the setting sun. Any A vibrating toothbrush?! You’re
with the subject matter “personals” is lectures... I talked to your tutor and he’s ideas??? supposed to wait til Ann Summers
the coolest e-mail to be sending these not impressed! –Phil tonight!!
days. all that is left to say is... Hmmmmm java is the answer rrrrrrrip
would the big randy squirrels on the
Nurse Sam, you are get up! ground floor please pipe down a bit, Malibu. Have you thaught of entering just listen to the boggs and rejoice
some of us need sleep! Dance Idol??
To the life of Joe ‘Chungo’ Herbert i think i was a little harsh to her but she
Holloway. Rest in peace my tutor of Bashful - Once again you’ve saved my Mabs, it appears that you have a small deserved it
madness! You will not be forgotten. All neck, thank you so much for the help following! Well.. the morris dancing
my love, Duncan Wilson. with my essay you are a star. (Have I crew anyway!?! please do not ask to borrow my hat
mentioned you have a nice arse!) xxx or any other article of clothing i am
Amy, if you put in 750ml to a cake mix Look, look..... I’ve told you all before, wearing because i would rather it wasn’t
that needed 75ml… can I borrow £7.50 can i just set some ground rules? I’m drinking to absent friends. Now if passed on to another person. please
please?! I have lots of absent friends then I have respect other people’s property
hideous, hideous, hideous to drink a lot, that’s just the way it is.
Rawson 3 Mummy and Daddy give a Right! snogs away for someone we know...
shout out to all our children to the girl who lives in battersea court:
look out for your admirer - he’s a jolly Minty! what would you say if i told you so then Mr Jackson, how the bloody hell
Craig, how’s Lauren’s pants? nice chap. that mint source made you infetrtile!! are you?
Lauren, your not even at this University, surely you should be setting an example? Personals hey dr - doing a PhD so that you can
and you are still in our student paper! well yes - if i don’t wear toga then i am become, well, Drrrrrrr.
setting the example of paying a pound amelia - you’re loverrrrrly: you can
Jo & Lissia didn’t want me to put a more. capiche? hand me a leaflet any time. could you put no-wave on the ents
Barefacts personal in about them… so planner please?
I won’t write anything about them… Im a scatt man, bee bop bop bop bopda! Wanted: Clothes for hockey girl.
Bless! Anything goes, especially when maybe we could see something other
Take me to your nucleus!!! DRINKen! than error messages on them
L. Wilko, good luck with CIT!!
HALLOWEEN PARTY on 31st Wanted: Some decent puns (see above!) wanted: work for placement student, to
Little Fishy.....Swimming along....Saw a October!! Fancy dress!!. Organised stop him living a student life. it not fair
hook.... by Cathedral and Guildford Court Minty. have you had women in 27
Committee- see posters for details. different countries too?? Just a coupe of personals, Tim may
SM, you’re very “nutritious”. love, NJ. repeat them so beware
SM, you’re very “nutritious”. love, NJ. Perhaps you should pay me to write
Can I just change the subject quickly? the personals. Oh....that’s what my To the man with a now red toga, I am so
I forgot to wear a belt this morning and so exactly how many mp3’s should we placement do!!!! sorry
now these trousers won’t stay up! have gorgeous?
I am BJ’s complete lack of employment. Naked three man is only for tour. Naked
Text The J-Team about anything, well, i wouldn’t like to risk it on 3 bottles 21’s however can be done anywhere,
anytime: 0773 288 53 57 of whisky So do you come here often? Well every even in House 65 Uni Court
day actually (doh!)
Well, at least the second lovebite should make sure you lock your valuables up in Dressing like Beckham is a fineable
be easy to cover up!!!! the boot JMTW (c) Balckpool 2002. Ave it! offence
What are you gonna go to the gym in warning - ex cricket captain posing as MI Dole! Viola and not shaving doesn’t work....
now I’ve got my zip-top back? badminton player, can regularly be seen viola and shaving doesn’t work... then
frequenting joints such as cindy’s Sorry BJ..... I did forget last week so I again, violas don’t work anyway!!!!”
Dave- you’ve still not told us how big the have to make up for it this week!
pole dancer’s tits were? jay’s mum is the tour whore So, I have fans in high places, eh?
Pay day on friday. Carnage!!!!!!!
Naughty fresher snogging a yankee in TRY THIS!! Put mint source shower Rawson 2 - the ideal setting for a
town?? (don’t worry- you’re secret’s gell on your balls and feel the tingle. To our neighbours. Yes we do have an romantic date! ;o)
safe!) Record currently stands at 4 minutes - extremeley poor/random taste in music.
well done ben!!! Just accept it! Remote control car race, Battersea
You’ve the cutest ass ever!! Court Hill - tomorrow night? It’s a date!
mrs brander We’re all going to the dogs (no jokes
Anyone thought about not booking out Knickers!) Neil: “But I didn’t have anyone in
90% of AP for the whole working day?- Darius for King!!!!!! my room last night... maybe you were
gimps I’d just like to praise the attitude of the hearing those two all the way down the
3 times in 1 night Nat - very senior memebers of my club (yes it is corridor?!”
Does Clive want some petrochemical impressive!!! more fun watching trampolening)
advice in the near future? Oi, leave Kat’s nose hair alone!
Where’s your red toga gone? Hop On!
Which bloke is it this week Lisa?. You’re 1 roast dinner, 9 bottles of wine, and
little black book is bigger than my I love Belinda Carlisle!!!! Nipple leaf? Honestly Flash, what will 5 students... sorry, 6.... hang on.... 7...
thesis!! you think of next! where will it stop? Seems the Roast
Nice muff Hannah! Dinner Soc idea is actually catching on!
Nice to see the caged tiger back on Man seeks Toga Queen for ugleness on
24 October 2002 SPORT 27
This week at UniSport Optimum injury clinic
Tango Workshop | Sunday 27th October | 2 – 6pm Well it is injury season already! It surprises me how few of
You may have seen Antonio Banderas lead Madonna around the floor in Evita or Al Pacino you sports mad peeps don’t use ‘RICE’ the golden rule after
show off his moves in Scent of a Woman well now here is your chance to impress your any injury no matter how small!
friends with this sexy dance. Learn the Tango in a 4 hour workshop this Sunday. Students Rest immediately! DO NOT play on after acute trauma to
get a discounted rate at £15 Contact the Sport Centre for more details and bookings: Tel. any injury
68(9201) Ice! Always use Ice to reduce local swelling and turn
oxygenated blood away from the area (if you do not have ice
Class Profile: Modern Jive available then use water from water bottle)
This weekly class is easy to learn and quick to build on the basic movements. A structured Compression! Use a Bandage or rugby/footie shirt or any
yet informal class guaranteed to have you dancing by the first lesson. A fun energetic social piece of material to use as a ‘compression’ on top of the
dance and no partners are required. ice.
Day: Tuesday | Time: I – 7.30 – 8.30pm | II – 8.30 – 9.30pm | Venue: Studio Elevation! Once the above have been sorted then raise the
Teachers: Jane & David | Cost: Students - £2; Staff - £3; Public - £4; Cardholders – Free, ankle/leg/knee injury up so as this will again send the blood
away from the area which will aid in reducing the swelling
University Sports Leagues Update Continual exercise can cause many problems especially if
All the entries are in and after putting the start date back to Monday 28th October, the the body receives inadequate rest. By-products of exercise
USL are ready for another term of action. Those of you involved will be sent fixtures include the build up of lactic acid and continual micro-
shortly which will also be posted on the USL notice board at the sports centre. If you are trauma of muscle fibres causing a build up of scar tissue,
still interested in taking part it’s not too late. Get hold of your department rep or come to therefore decreasing the bodies ability to deliver oxygenated
UniSPORT and we can get you playing in one of the many different sports on offer. These blood to the muscles, which in turn causes fatigue and loss
tournaments, although advertised as fun, have proved to be extremely competitive in the of performance. The body is still being asked to perform at
past. So make sure you get as many people down to the sports centre to cheer on your a required level, if it is not fit to do so, it will increase the
department, court or team and create the atmosphere that these games deserve. risk of injury or re-injury. Sports massage will break down
Remember these games are free to UniSPORT cardholders, 50p for student non- any build up of scar tissue realign all muscle fibres and
cardholders and 75p for staff per week. Lets get it on! increase the elasticity of the muscle. In effect the muscle
will be clear of all ‘crap’ (technical term in the world of
Spaces Available sports massage!) making the whole system more efficient.
This term has seen most of our courses full to the max, so much so that we have had to More blood, therefore oxygen can get to the working muscle
put on extra courses. If you have missed out there are still some places available on the meaning it will perform for longer at a higher level and will
following courses: drastically reduce the risk of injury.
[ Pilates | Tuesday 4.30pm ] [ Squash Beginners | Tuesday 5.30pm ] [ Yoga | Please contact us at OPTIMUM tel. 01483 452028 or email
Wednesday 8pm ] [ Feldencrais | Thursday 1pm ] [ Creative Dance | Friday 6.30pm ] optimum@unisport.co.uk if you need any help.
SURREY PRIDE
Surrey Pride just about intact after King’s ski races
Saturday the 19th saw around 80 racers from By Chris Hunter
different Universities in the South East
region of the Kings Ski Club race series. able to be claimed by members of the ski
We had 2 mixed teams, and a ladies team. club committee?) and some cheap peach
The weather was really quite cold, but alcohol stuff. The team that won the boarding
this helped freeze slightly the water they were rather insulted to find that their bottle
sprayed onto the matting, meaning we could of alcohol stuff had only 1%VOL, but their
ski faster. mixed ski team (who came about 10th) got
The theme this time was Emergency a bottle with a whopping 4%VOL!! No
Services, with one team turning up dressed expense spared! The ladies team did quite
up as all the characters from Thunderbirds. well, and achieved about 3rd out of about
The racing got underway, and Surrey 1 were 7 teams.
doing better than Surrey 2. The racing this For some of our team, it was the first time
year seemed more fair than last year, with they have raced. They did really well, and
far fewer teams having ex-England ski I know that Surrey 2 will be on Surrey
squad, or just generally really really good 1’s heels soon! The next race’s theme is
skiers in. The Romans, so does anyone know where
Even so, Surrey 2 managed to come 18th we can get a lion costume from? Oh, and
out of the 18 teams, thus winning the much finally… watch out for our Race Captain
coveted Wooden Spoon award. Surrey 1 Andy at the Union fruit market, as he seems
faired slightly better, and came 6th – winning to have developed a rather disturbing love
a tee shirt (that for some reason is only ever of cabbages!
Left: the University of
Surrey ski team and
right: a couple of folks
whizzing down the dry
ski slope last Monday.