Communicating Successfully ...

Sometimes it feels like two people are on different planets. It just seems
impossible to get through! No matter how often we repeat what we have
to say, they just don’t seem to understand. In fact, they don’t even
appear to be interested! They clearly have their own agenda and they
aren‟t ever going to value what I have to say!

The next thing is that we start to resent them and their precious opinions
which seem to focus on all the wrong things anyway.

And before we know it we have a major breakdown in understanding

between these two people.

Can you relate to these feelings? If not I would be astonished, because in

workshops everyone seems able to think of someone that is just on a
different wavelength to themselves. Communication just doesn’t work, no
matter how hard they try (or how loudly they talk!)

In this learning activity we are going to help you to understand what is

going on, why there is such a communication gap, how to overcome it,
and how to transform relationships with that person so that you achieve
what you want.

Stop and Think:

Just one thing: before we start to work on understanding what is going
on, I would like you to stop and identify one particular person with whom
you have difficulty communicating – you just can’t seem to get through to
them. Who are you thinking of?

You are probably impatient to move on and find out what is wrong
with that person! Sorry, don’t be insulted – the starting place is
with you, not them.
Communication: A Self-Assessment Exercise
Please select for each pair of attributes the one which is most typical of
your personality, even if there is not much to choose between them. Make
your choice as spontaneously as possible. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’
answer! Please circle the number to the left of each statement that you
choose.
1. I like action or,
2. I deal with problems in a systematic way
3. I believe that teams are more effective than individuals – or,
4. I enjoy innovation very much
5. I am more interested in the future than the past – or,
6. I enjoy working with people
7. I like to attend well organised meetings –or,
8. Deadlines are important to me
9. I cannot stand procrastination – or,
10. I believe that new ideas have to be tested before being used
11. I enjoy the stimulation of interaction with others –or,
12. I am always looking for new possibilities
13. I want to set up my own objectives – or,
14. When I start something I go through until the end
15. I basically try and understand other people‟s emotions – or,
16. I do challenge people around me
17. I look forward to receiving feedback on my performance – or,
18. I find the step-by-step approach very efficient
19. I think I am good at reading people – or,
20. I like creative problem solving
21. I extrapolate and project all the time – or,
22. I am sensitive to others’ needs
23. Planning is the key to success – or,
24. I become impatient with long deliberations
25. I am cool under pressure – or,
26. I value experience very much
27. I listen to people – or,
28. People say that I am a fast thinker
29. Co-operation is a key word for me – or,
30. I use logical methods to test alternatives
31. I like to handle several projects at the same time – or,
32. I use logical methods to test
alternatives
33. I learn by doing – or,
34. I believe that my head rules my heart
35. I can predict how others may react to a certain action – or,
36. I do not like details
37. Analysis should always precede action –
or,
38. I am able to assess the climate of a group
39. I have a tendency to start things and not finish them – or,
40. I perceive myself as decisive
41. I search for challenging tasks – or,
42. I rely on observation and data
43. I can express my feelings openly – or,
44. I like to design new projects
45. I enjoy reading very much – or,
46. I perceive myself as a facilitator
47. I like to focus on one issue at a time – or,
48. I like to achieve
49. I enjoy learning about others – or,
50. I like variety
51. Facts speak for themselves – or,
52. I use my imagination as much as possible
53. I am impatient with long, slow assignments – or,
54. My mind never stops working
55. Key decisions have to be made in a cautious way – or,
56. I strongly believe that people need each other to get work
done
57. I usually make decisions without thinking too much –
or,
58. Emotions create problems
59. I like to be liked by others – or,
60. I can put two and two together very
quickly
61. I try out my new ideas on people – or,
62. I believe in the scientific approach
63. I like to get things done – or,
64. Good relationships are essential
65. I am impulsive – or,
66. I accept differences in people
67. Communicating with people is an end in itself – or,
68. I like to be intellectually stimulated
69. I like to organise – or,
70. I usually jump from one task to another
71. Talking and working with people is a creative art – or,
72. „Achieving my full potential‟ is a key phrase for me
73. I enjoy doing what I am good at – or,
74. I dislike wasting time
75. I enjoy doing what I am good at – or,
76. I learn by interacting with others
77. I find abstractions interesting and enjoyable –
or,
78. I am patient with details
79. I like brief, exact statements – or,
80. I feel confident in myself
Now please transfer the statements you have chosen to the scoring key. Where
you have circled (for example) statement number 2, find number two below and
circle it again there – and do the same for every number that you have chosen in
the questionnaire.
 Scoring Sheet
Circle the items you have selected as your choices and then
add up how many you have chosen in each of the four style
areas.
The maximum possible number of choices for each style is 20 and
your overall total for the four styles should be 40.

Style 1 [A]: Statement numbers ...

1 8 9 13 17 24 26 31 33 40 41 48 50 53 57 63 65 70 74 79

Number of statements circled for Style 1 (A) = /20

Style 2 [PR]: Statement numbers...

2 7 10 14 18 23 25 30 34 37 42 47 51 55 58 62 66 69 75 78

Number of statements circled for Style 2 (PR) = /20

Style 3 [PE]: Statement numbers...

3 6 11 15 19 22 27 29 35 38 43 46 49 56 59 64 67 71 76 80

Number of statements circled for Style 3 (PE) = /20

Style 4 [I]: Statement numbers...

4 5 12 16 20 21 28 32 36 39 44 45 52 54 60 61 68 72 73 77

Number of statements circled for Style 4 (I) = /20

My dominant communication style: A / PR / PE / I

My secondary communication style: A / PR / PE / I

Next, let’s see what each of these four styles represent – in

fact, they are the kind of things that we are interested in
ourselves. This can be seen both in the things we focus our
attention upon, and in our general personality and style. As
you read on, ask yourself - Is this true of me?
 Communication Styles

ACTION (A) TYPES

They  They e
tend to Procedures tend to r
talk  be (seen b
about Planning as): o
 Results  Pragmati s
 Organising c (down e
Objectives  to earth) U
 Controlling Direct n
Performan  Testing and to e
ce  Trying the point m
 out Impatien o
Productivit  Analysis t ti
y  Decisive o
 Observatio Quick- n
Efficiency ns jump a
 Moving  Proof from one l
ahead  Details idea to C
 another a
Decisions Energetic u
 and ti
Responsib challenge o
ility others u
 s
Feedback a
 n
Experienc d
e p
 a
Challenge ti
s e
 n
Achievem t
ents
 Change They
tend to
be (seen
as):
PROCES Systemat
S (PR) ic – step-
TYPES by-step
Logical –
They cause
tend to and
talk effect
about Factual
 Facts V
PEOPLE (PE) TYPES
They tend to talk about They tend to be (seen as):•
 People Spontaneous
 Needs Empathetic
 Motivations Warm
 Teamwork Subjective
 Communication Emotional
 Feelings Perceptive
 Team spirit Sensitive
 Understanding
 Self-development
 Sensitivity
 Awareness
 Co-operation
 Beliefs
 Values
 Expectations
 Relationships

IDEAS (I) TYPES

They tend to talk about
 Concepts
 Innovation
 Creativity
 Opportunities
 Possibilities
 Grand designs
 Issues
 What’s new in the field
 Interdependence
 New ways
 New methods
 New methods
 Problems
 Potential alternatives
 They tend to be (seen as):•
Imaginative
Charismatic
Difficult to understand
Ego-centred Unrealistic Creative
Full of ideas and provocative

How to use this new understanding

None of us are 100% of only one style, we are a blend of each of
the four styles. Furthermore, in some situations (such as high
pressure at work) we may tend to prefer one style, while in
another situation (like relaxing with friends) we prefer a different
approach.

However when you consider the person you identified at the start
– the person you have difficulty connecting with – I would like you
to ask yourself if you can answer some simple questions.

One: Does that person fit reasonably strongly into one of these four
styles? (If you had to pick one of the four, which best represents that
person?)

Two: Is that a different style to your own preferred style?

Three: So why are you surprised that you find it hard to communicate
with them?

If we want to gain that person’s full attention we need to adapt

the way we are trying to get through to them!

No, we do not need to change our message. We need to change

the way we are expressing it.

Let’s move on to think about some tips on how to do this. As a

little test, check out the suggestions for communicating with
somebody like yourself, with your preferred communication style
– would these seem like good strategies to you?

If so you can bet the others will work too.

 Adjusting To Other People’s
Communication Styles
A. Communicating with an action (A) oriented person:
 Focus on the results first (state the conclusion at the outset)
 State your best recommendation (do not offer many
alternatives)
 Be as brief as possible
 Emphasise the practicality of your ideas
 Use visual aids to illustrate your case

B. Communicating with a process (PR) oriented person:

 Be precise (state the facts)
 Organise your presentation in a logical order e.g.:
i) background
ii) present situation
iii) outcome
 Break down your recommendations
 Include options (consider alternatives) giving pros and cons
 Do not rush a process oriented person!
 If writing, outline your proposal (1, 2, 3,)

C. Communicating with a people (P) person

 Allow for small talk (do not start the discussion right away)
 Stress the relationships between your proposal and the people
concerned
 Show how the idea worked well in the past
 Indicate support from well respected people
 Use an informal writing style

D. Communicating with an idea (I) oriented person:

 Allow enough time for discussion
 Do not get impatient when he or she appears to go off on
tangents! These might lead to something very worthwhile – but
not always.
 In your opening, try to relate the discussed topic to a broader
concept or idea (in other words, work on the BIG PICTURE!)
 Stress the uniqueness of the idea or the topic at hand
 Emphasise future value or the potential impact of the idea in the
future
 If writing to an idea oriented person, try to stress the key
concepts which underlie your proposal or recommendation right
at the outset. Start off with an overall statement (e.g. an
executive summary) and work toward the more particular