Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of
furniture in my home.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you're making me hard.
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
I may not go down in history, but I'll go down on you.
That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
I hope you like dragons, because I'll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back... "Nice ass!"
I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go
on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Do you run track? Cause I heard you Relay want this dick.
Are you from the ghetto? Cause I'm about to ghetto hold of dat ass.
You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
Are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie - I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff
in the middle.
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? [Pull your pockets inside out]
Would you like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
Hey babe, how about a pizza and a f**k? [No] What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' between 'F' and 'CK'
F**k me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch
away.
Are you from Iraq? 'Cause I like the way you Baghdad ass up.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore - my face should be among them.
Hey baby, I think you just made my two by four into a four by eight.
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go halves on a baby?
You can call me cake, cause I'll go straight to your ass.
Are you hungry? Cause omelette you suck this dick.
Do you like pudding? Cause I'll be pudding this dick in your ass.
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Do you have an inhaler? Because you've got ass ma.
Do you smoke pot? Because weed be cute together
Are you my homework? Cause I'm not doing you but I definitely should be.
Roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?
Do you go to church often? Cause you're gonna be on your knees tonight.
Do you know your ABC's? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
Are you an archaeologist? Because I've got a bone for you to examine.
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just
want it for one night.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
What's the speed limit of sex? [what?] 68. Because at 69 YOU have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!
What's the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don't have a Ferrari.
Hi, do you want to have my children? [No] OK, can we just practice then?
I'm afraid of the dark... Will you sleep with me tonight?
I love my bed but I'd rather be in yours.
Baby, I'm like a firefighter, I find 'em hot and leave 'em wet!
I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out
that I don't need it after all.
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?
I'm hung like a tic tac. Wanna freshen your breath?
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) Because I can see myself in your pants.
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
Why pay for a bra, when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
You smell like trash. May I take you out?
If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? [No] Well then, allow me to introduce
myself.
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me come
for dinner between the holidays?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
So, come back to my place, and if you don't like it I swear I'll give you a full
refund.
Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down.
Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
Hey baby, let's play house, you can be the door and I'll slam you all night long!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
We're like hot chocolate and marshmallows... You're hot and I wanna be on top of
you.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
You're so hot, even my pants are falling for you!
Are you from the Philippines? Because I wanna phil you with my penis.
Do you like Ramen Noodles? Cuz I'll be Rammin' my noodle in you later.
Are you spaghetti cause I want you to meat my balls.
Do you like whales? Cause we can go hump back at my place.
Baby I last longer than a white crayon.
Do you like to draw? Cause I put the D in Raw.
We should play strip poker. You can strip, and I'll poke you.
You remind me of the movie "Scarface" cause I want you to say hello to my little
friend.
Do you like Adele? Cause I can tell you wanna be rolling in the D.
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
I had a wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it a reality?
"Do you like cherries?" [No.] "Ok, can I have yours?"
Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger? [No] Wink.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? You go kneel down right there and I'll throw you my
meat.
[Excuse me, do you have the time?] "Yes, do you have the energy?"
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Do you have a phone in your back pocket? Because your booty is calling me.
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger,
imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!
Does your ass have Allstate insurance? [No, why?] Well do you want it to be in
good hands?
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
You have been very naughty. Go to my room!
Do you like Wendy's? Cause you're gonna love Wendy's nuts slap yo face!
Don't ever change. Just get naked.
Are those jeans Guess? Cause guess who wants to be inside them...
Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?
Hey there, I just took some Cialis and I have 18 hours left.
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two
fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.
I'm not Asian but I'll still eat your cat.
Are you the lottery lady on TV, because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
Damn girl I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your
face.
I have a job for you, but it blows!
Do you have a shovel? Cause I'm diggin' that ass!
The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
Damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise.
You're so hot you could make a deceased man's dick rise from the dead!
As long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
You must be yogurt because I want to spoon you.
Do you like tapes and CD's? Cause I'm gonna tape this dick to your forehead so you
CD's nuts.
Do you work at the wood store? Cause I could've sworn you gave me wood before.
Do you like soda? Because I'd mount-and-do you. (Mountain Dew)
Is it hot in here, or are your boobs just huge.
I'm peanut butter, you're jelly, let's have sex.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later!
Nice shoes, wanna f**k?
Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?
Nice tits. Mind if I squeeze them?
Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a
swallow?
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.
Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you're giving me a serious bone condition
Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
Do you like jalape�os? Cause in a minute I'll be jalape�o pussy.
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Are you jewish? Cause the way you're looking at me, I'm beginning to think Jewish
this dick was in your mouth.
Do you work for Papa Johns? Cause you're a fine pizza ass.
Girl are you a witch? Cause you know how to make something stand without even
touching it
Are you from China? Cause I'm China get in your pants.
Do you like Pizza Hut? Cause I'll stuff your crust.
Since we've been told to reduce waste these days, what you say we use these condoms
in my pocket before they expire.
[Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say] "Now that I've broken the ice,
will you sleep with me?"
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and f**k.
What can I do to make you sleep with me?
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide
your legs, and multiply.
I wish you were a screen door, so I could slam you all day long!
Do you like yoga? Cause Yoganna love this dick.
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at
yours.
I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart...
Hey! Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the f**k outta me!
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you f**k me? [No] Good, because mine is 8
inches.
Do you like apples? [Yes/No] How about I take you home and f**k the sh*t out of
you. How do like them apples?
Do you like jewels? [Yes/No] well, suck my dick, it's a gem.
They say sex is a killer... Do you want to die happy?
First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your
belly button.
Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them?
I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go
upstairs and work out a remedy.
So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score?
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against
your forehead!
Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you?
Are those space pants? Cuz your ass is out of this world!