SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER WORK AND SCHOOL

How Social Anxiety Affects

Dating and Intimate
Relationships
Research and tips on how to minimize anxiety
By Arlin Cuncic
Updated December 03, 2017
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Social anxiety disorder (SAD) is a common psychological disorder and can affect dating
and intimate relationships in many different ways. Here we discuss recent research on the
topic of dating and relationships when you have social anxiety disorder, as well as ways
to help your dating and relationship anxiety.

Dating Aggression
In a study of adolescents, fear of negative evaluation (FNE), one aspect of social anxiety
in which you're afraid of being perceived negatively, was found to significantly predict
male dating aggression.

Dating aggression includes physical aggression, such as slapping, use of a weapon,

forced sex; and psychological aggression, such as slamming doors, insulting, or refusing
to talk to a partner. It's thought that in this case, the "fight or flight" response may reflect
this aggressive tendency.

Online Dating

Social anxiety can make online relationships and communication seem much more
doable, but use caution. A recent study showed that people with SAD have a tendency to
think of internet relationships as easier, safer, and better controlled than in-person
relationships. This thinking can lead to excessive internet use and a tendency to avoid
face-to-face situations, which, if you have SAD, you know is already difficult.

However, online dating can be a great way to meet people and get to know them through
messaging, texting, or email before you meet them in person.

Romantic Relationships

Unfortunately, SAD can take a toll on your ability to establish, develop, and maintain
romantic relationships.

Part of this is likely because it's difficult to let your guard down and feel vulnerable, even
with someone you love and trust. The higher your anxiety, the more difficult emotional
intimacy may be because you may see it as too risky.

For those that receive treatment and that are able to find the right supportive partner
though, a healthy and fulfilling relationship is not at all out of the question.

Tips to Lessen Dating Anxiety

If you're anxious about dating, keep these tips in mind:

 Talk about what's important to you. While this is probably the

last thing you want to do, true intimacy is based on knowing and
 understanding each other. You can't have it without sharing. This
doesn't mean you need to spend the entire conversation giving
your life history, but consider telling your date about something
or someone important to you or what you really think about your
food.
 Focus on the present. Think about what you're doing or what
you're eating and how you feel in the moment. Don't worry about
the past or the future, try to enjoy and embrace the right now.
 Give yourself room to be who you are. You are a valuable
person with your own unique insights, experiences, and
personality. Learn to embrace that, to love who you are and what
you have to offer someone in a relationship.
 Assume the best. Don't jump to conclusions about what your
date might be thinking about you. Anxiety can get the best of us
when we make assumptions about what others think or feel, but
assuming is not only unfair to you, it's unfair to the other person.
As soon as you hear that tape in your head telling you he's not
into you or she thinks you're nuts, push it away and replace it
with positive thoughts like, "I'm having a good time," "This food
is delicious," or "Our conversation is going well." Replacing
negative thoughts with positive ones is something you can work
on beforehand as well.

Sources:

Hanby MS, Fales J, Nangle DW, Serwik AK, Hedrich UJ. Social anxiety as a predictor of
dating aggression. Journal of Interpersonal Violence. 2012;27(10):1867-88.
doi:10.1177/0886260511431438.

Kolakowski S. 5 Ways to Overcome Dating Anxiety. Scientific American. Published

September 12, 2014.

Lee BW, Stapinski LA. Seeking safety on the internet: Relationship between social
anxiety and problematic internet use. Journal of Anxiety Disorders. January
2012;26(1):197-205.
Porter E, Chambless DL. Shying Away From a Good Thing: Social Anxiety in Romantic
Relationships. Journal of Clinical Psychology. 2013;70(6):546–561.
doi:10.1002/jclp.22048.

Zaider TI, Heimberg RG, Iida M. Anxiety Disorders and Intimate Relationships: A Study
of Daily Processes in Couples. Journal of Abnormal Psychology. 2010;119(1):163-173.
doi:10.1037/a0018473.