So what should | parents do? The goal is not to raise colorblind kids, but to raise kids who are conscious of race and racial inequality, and who feel the agency to act as an anti-racist White person. . Remember that talking about race is not racist Affirm your child when they talk about skin color or difference, steer them ifthey are doing so in a stereotypical way. Give your children words for talking about skin color, difference and race. Help your child see that race and ethnicity are part of who we are, itis not shameful or bad, or something to be ignored, Lean into your discomfort—you maybe have been taught to be colorblind, which means this will not feel intuitive, . Emphasize that difference is good—not that we are all the same Race and racial differences do matter AND they are not bad. Skin color is part of who we are You can’t tell what someone is going to be like just by knowing their skin color We have different skin colors, but we are not biologically different from each other Most people are more biologically similar across racial grouping than within racial grouping £ Weall bleed red, we all have a body temperature of 98.7 degrees F. . Help your child develop critical skills for consuming media and observing the world around them. a. Help your child see racism and inequality in the shows they watch (eg, Why are so many of the Disney Princesses White? Why are there no Black people or Asian people on Sodor?). b. Point out anti-stereotypical images and talk about how it challenges the stereotype (e.g. ‘There's a picture of a Black dad in that magazine. { love seeing that because | almost never see Black dads in the media even though there are so many Black dads. . Build multiracial community a. Support and encourage your child’s interracial friendships. b. Invite their friends’ families over for meals. c. Develop your own connections with friends and colleagues of color. . Help your child recognize and learn about systemic racism a. Racism is systemic and historical—it is not simply violent acts by a few crazy individuals. b. Recognizing the systemic nature of racism helps remove the personal guilt from it. The goal is not to ensure that your child is not racist. Rather, the goal should be that your child is racially conscious, anti-racist and able to live and work in healthy, multiracial community. .. Recognize that racism impacts everyone, and therefore anti-racist action is relevant to all ofus a. Teacher your child Black history and the Civil Rights Movement is history that everyone should know, and that helps everyone better understand who we are asa nation. ppogseb. Racism still happens—it didn't die with slavery, or the Civil Rights Movement, or the lection of President Obama. 7. Donotlet Whiteness be the invisible norm a Recognize that all White spaces are not accidental, but the result of historical and/or contemporary social policy. b. Describe people as White, if they are White, Recognize when a space is all White and question why? (e.g. “Wow, all the Rockettes are White. What happens if an Asian American woman wants to be a Rockette”). @. Talk about your own Whiteness. e. Recognize when racial privilege shapes your world/environment. 8. When your child is youn; a, Read them books with children of many different racial and ethnic backgrounds, b. Point out skin color in the pictures. Talk about how difference is beautiful and how skin coloriis part of who we are. 4. Value Black and Brown as colors—talkc about what's beautiful about them. e. Buy your child a brown skinned baby doll or Barbie doll. £ Question why certain characters have White skin and help your child imagine a world where Disney princesses could be Asian or Black or Latino. 9. As your child grow into middle school and high school: a. Continue to initiate conversations about race. b. Ifracial background is relevant, mention it. Don't be afraid to describe people with reference to race and ethnicity, but try to do so accurately. Do not only talk about race when your teen has questions or conflicts. Help your child understand that race is socially constructed. Ithas a big impact on our lives, butit is not biological. Itis something that people made up and it changes constantly. 10. Recognize the goal is: positive racial identity. a. A positive racial identity does not mean feeling good about being White OR feeling bad about being White. b. A positive racial identity for White children means that they: a. understand what it means to be White in the context of a heavily racialized world b. can recognize racial injustice and know ways to work against it c canbe healthy members of multiracial communities in which everyone supports one another against the oppressions they face To support children to have a positive racial identity, parents need to have a positive racial identity. Ifa child is more advanced in their racial identity than the parent, that is what is called in counseling a “regressive relationship.” d. Nobody learns through shame. While we need to learn how to support children to critically analyze dolls, shows, games, movies and advertisements, we should not shame them for what they don't know or for what they like—and certainly not for who they are. Find something to affirm or enjoy about their beloved Barbie Dreamhouse AND support them to ook atit critically. It’s a fine line between criticizing a show and criticizing a child for liking the show. “Racial socialization is not what we do once a year. It is what we do ‘consistently, persistently and in an enduring fashion.”” - Boykin and Toms