People have different opinions as to whether or not social networking websites are useful for
communicating with other people and reading news stories. Although social media has some
benefits, in my opinion ,I believe that it has more disadvantages than advantages.
There are numerous reasons why it is argued that the internet might be a great
advancement in interacting with others .The first main argument is that people can communicate
conveniently and effectively through social websites .For instance ,Facebook is the most visited
website in the world and families seems to be more in touch with one another while living in
different countries .In addition, technological innovations provide the opportunity to read
newspapers on the internet. Therefore , citizens living in a community are more aware of about
news events all over the world.
However, despite all the arguments, I agree that social media may have various long-term
negative consequences on family relationships .Firstly, the younger generation may has less time for
parents ,brothers and sisters .In fact, children seem to be interested in spending more time on
electronic devices. As a result, the quality of relationships might be affected .Secondly, morals can
be learnt from grandparents by listening to stories from grandparents .Unfortunately, young ones
Commented [AB1]: A good and concise introduction.
Commented [AB2]: Clearer would be ‘in helping people
interact with others’
Commented [AB3]: ‘families seems’ – no +s here – ‘families’ –
they.
Commented [AB4]: This idea does not really connect with the
previous clause –
‘Facebook is used by families worldwide to stay in touch with one
another while living in different countries’ - It seems more logical
to answer the question ‘why’ Facebook is used.
Commented [AB5]: Not so clear – ‘there are websites /
applications which provide …’
Commented [AB6]: More accurate here would be ‘society is
more aware …..’
Commented [AB7]: ‘aware of about ….’
Commented [AB8]: A clearer connection here would be ‘this
means that citizens are always up-to-date with current affairs’.
Commented [AB9]: ‘may have’ – after the modal verb always
use the infinitive without to.
Commented [AB10]: ‘instilled’ this word collocates better with
‘morals’.
http://oxforddictionary.so8848.com/search?word=moral
Commented [AB11]: ‘instilled by’
Commented [AB12]: ‘them’ – you are repeating the word
‘grandparents’. You should substitute here.
may not develop various important characteristics such as honesty because they are not attached

with their elders. Commented [AB13]: ‘attached to …’

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/be-attached-to-
somebody-something

Commented [AB14]: I think that a summary sentence would be

good here like – ‘therefore family members can be an important
source of wisdom and experience which helps children make
effective / good / moral / ethical decisions’

In conclusion, while here may be some positives of communicating through the internet, I Commented [AB15]: ‘there’

would argue that the strength of family relationships is affected due to social media.

Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment A relevant answer to the

question with some good point.
The ideas were generally a good 7.0
answer to the task but some
words made the ideas a little
unclear 'technological
innovations’; ‘citizens in a
community are more aware …’

Cohesion and Coherence Sequences information and

ideas logically – the
paragraphing was logical. 7.0
There was one issue with a
sentence (AB3) where the
connection was not clear.
There was effective progression
throughout the paragraph and
the flow was good.

Lexical resource Some uncommon lexical items

and some very relevant
language but language can be a 6.5
little unclear and ooccasional
 inaccurate collocations ‘instill
morals’; ‘ attach to’; ‘aware of’
etc.

Grammatical Range Some good sentences which are 7.0 +

on the whole accurate. Some
and accuracy excellent structures - ‘seem to
be in touch with …’ A couple of
issues with modal verbs and
noun and verb agreement
‘families seem …’. Still some
advanced use of grammar.

Overall Score: 6.5 / 7.0 – A good answer with good ideas and language but too short and possibly
seen as incomplete with the need to expand on some ideas.