Todd was getting ready for gym class.

Todd wasn’t a big fan of gym because he wasn’t

as strong and as fast as the other kids. He would rather be in a science lab mixing chemicals

together for experiments. At gym it was dodgeball week which Todd hated the most because all

the jocks would always aim for the weaker players, especially Randy. Randy is the captain of

the football team and is also the quarterback. “Line up on the line and I’ll split everyone into

teams,” said Berry who was the football coach too. He always puts the football players on one

team and the other people on the other. He blew the whistle and kids were running to get the

balls. Todd went to go get a ball and out of the corner of his eye he saw the one girl that he has

always had a crush on. He thought she was the nicest girl and the most beautiful girl ever. Her

name was Sydney and Todd couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “Heads up!” Bang! Todd got hit on

the side of the head by a dodgeball. He got hit so hard that he was seeing stars.

“Take that you four-eyed freak,” Randy said.

The bad thing about Sydney is that she is dating Randy. Todd always wondered why she was

dating him, but he thought it was just because he was playing football. Todd tried to play last

year when he was a freshman to impress her, but he was just used for a hitting bag for the other

guys. Todd had a plan to win her over during the dodgeball tournament this weekend, though.

He had been training for the tournament for a while. He felt like if he won, then Sydney would

notice him. The one bad thing is that his team was no good.

The weekend came and Todd got out of bed with excitement. He showed up to school

jumping around the school ready to play. This dodgeball tournament was so big at their school

that students would bet on who will win. Most teams had Randy and the football team winning.

Todd was walking to class and he bumped into Sydney.

“Hey Todd,” Sydney said.

Todd was frozen for a second, so she started laughing.

“Hey Sydney,” he nervously replied.

 Laughing, Sydney said, “Are you ready for the dodgeball tournament? You're playing

aren't you?”

“Yeah I am.”

“Well I’ll see you out there. I have to go to class.”

Right after she left Todd turned around and Randy was standing right behind him.

”Do you think you have a chance with Sydney? Just wait till we play each other. I’m

going to drill you so hard in the forehead!” Then he walked away leaving Todd in fear.

When the time came, everyone was released to go to the gym for the tournament.

There was 8 teams and Todd wouldn’t play Randy’s team until the championship. Todd went all

out in all of his games and his team went on to play in the championship game. Todd was

nervous about this game, though. The Referee told the teams to go to their sides. Randy was

grinning the whole time at Todd. Todd was pouring sweat down his arms running down all the

way to his finger tips.

The Referee blew the whistle and yelled, “Go!”

Todd ran up, got a ball, and was hid behind his teammates so he wouldn’t get hit. Randy

was in the back just standing with a ball waiting. Balls were flying everywhere and Todd got a

couple people out. Eventually, there were only 3 people left and it was Todd who was all by

himself against Randy and his teammate, Chase, who was a lineman on the football team. Both

of them launched a ball at Todd but he dodged them as fast as lightning. Todd threw his ball

and hit Chase right in the head. The crowd screamed, “Oh my!” as Chase walked off the court

with a red mark on his head.

It was just Todd and Randy. Everyone in the gym started cheering “Lets go, Todd!”

Randy got furious and started launching balls at him with rapid fire. Todd was dodging all of

them and it only took one ball for him and it hit Randy right on the chest. The crowd went wild

and Todd was living the happiest moment in his life. Next thing you know, Randy was so mad
he charged at Todd, but the all the football players grabbed him and he said, “Wait till next

time.”

Later on that day, after school, Todd was in the gym waiting on his ride and then he saw

Sydney walking up to him, he got more and more nervous as she got closer.

She sits down beside him and said, “You did good today, I like how you hit Randy right

in the chest.”

“I thought you was dating him?”

“No, He is a jerk but I have feelings for someone else.”

“Who?” Todd asked and then she looked at him and started laughing.

She said, “Who do you think?” as she leaned over and kissed him.

Todd stared surprisingly and said “Am I dreaming?”

She laughed, “Come on let’s go take a walk.”

As they was walking out of the gym, Todd knew that he would never forget this day.

Rubric rating submitted on: 3/25/2018, 4:35:23 PM by danielle.cook@redstreaks.org

5 4 3 2 1 0

Introduction 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
W.3.a and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Your score: creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
5 demonstrate Engages ; a couple ; a few ; several Engages
d and orient errors exist errors exist errors exist and orient
Engages the reader Engages Engages Engages the reader
and orient by setting and orient and orient and orient by setting
the reader out a the reader the reader the reader out a
by setting problem by setting by setting by setting problem
out a (conflict), out a out a out a (conflict),
problem situation, or problem problem problem situation, or
(conflict), observation (conflict), (conflict), (conflict), observation
situation, or and situation, or situation, or situation, or and
observation determines observation observation observation determines
and its and and and its
determines significance. determines determines determines significance.
its Establishes its its its Establishes
significance. one or significance. significance. significance. one or
Establishes multiple Establishes Establishes Establishes multiple
one or point(s) of one or one or one or point(s) of
 multiple view and multiple multiple multiple view and
point(s) of introduces point(s) of point(s) of point(s) of introduces
view and the narrator view and view and view and the narrator
introduces and/or introduces introduces introduces and/or
the narrator characters. the narrator the narrator the narrator characters.
and/or and/or and/or and/or
characters. characters. characters. characters.

Rising 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Climax creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.b,c,d demonstrate Uses ; a couple ; a few ; several Uses
(1) d dialogue errors exist errors exist errors exist dialogue
Your score: Uses and Uses Uses Uses and
4 dialogue description dialogue dialogue dialogue description
and (characteriz and and and (characteriz
description ation) to description description description ation) to
(characteriz develop (characteriz (characteriz (characteriz develop
ation) to experiences, ation) to ation) to ation) to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Uses and/or and/or and/or Uses
characters. pacing, characters. characters. characters. pacing,
Uses reflection , Uses Uses Uses reflection ,
pacing, suspense pacing, pacing, pacing, suspense
reflection , and reflection , reflection , reflection , and
suspense foreshadowi suspense suspense suspense foreshadowi
and ng to and and and ng to
foreshadowi develop foreshadowi foreshadowi foreshadowi develop
ng to experiences, ng to ng to ng to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Sequence and/or and/or and/or Sequence
characters. events so characters. characters. characters. events so
Sequence that they Sequence Sequence Sequence that they
events so build on one events so events so events so build on one
that they another to that they that they that they another to
build on one create a build on one build on one build on one create a
another to coherent another to another to another to coherent
create a whole and create a create a create a whole and
coherent build toward coherent coherent coherent build toward
whole and a particular whole and whole and whole and a particular
build toward tone and build toward build toward build toward tone and
a particular outcome a particular a particular a particular outcome
tone and (e.g. sense tone and tone and tone and (e.g. sense
outcome of mystery, outcome outcome outcome of mystery,
(e.g. sense suspense, (e.g. sense (e.g. sense (e.g. sense suspense,
of mystery, growth, or of mystery, of mystery, of mystery, growth, or
suspense, resolution) suspense, suspense, suspense, resolution)
growth, or Uses clear growth, or growth, or growth, or Uses clear
resolution) transitions resolution) resolution) resolution) transitions
Uses clear frequently to Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear frequently to
transitions help develop transitions transitions transitions help develop
frequently to the frequently to frequently to frequently to the
help develop sequencing help develop help develop help develop sequencing
the of events. the the the of events.
sequencing Uses a sequencing sequencing sequencing Uses a
of events. precise/stro of events. of events. of events. precise/stro
Uses a ng words Uses a Uses a Uses a ng words
precise/stro and precise/stro precise/stro precise/stro and
ng words phrases, ng words ng words ng words phrases,
and telling and and and telling
phrases, details, and phrases, phrases, phrases, details, and
telling sensory telling telling telling sensory
details, and language to details, and details, and details, and language to
sensory convey a sensory sensory sensory convey a
language to vivid picture language to language to language to vivid picture
convey a of the convey a convey a convey a of the
vivid picture experiences, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture experiences,
of the events, of the of the of the events,
experiences, settings experiences, experiences, experiences, settings
events, and/or events, events, events, and/or
settings characters. settings settings settings characters.
and/or Develops a and/or and/or and/or Develops a
characters. theme and characters. characters. characters. theme and
Develops a weave it Develops a Develops a Develops a weave it
theme and throughout theme and theme and theme and throughout
weave it the weave it weave it weave it the
throughout narrative. throughout throughout throughout narrative.
the Presents the the the Presents
narrative. and narrative. narrative. narrative. and
Presents develops Presents Presents Presents develops
and complication and and and complication
develops s to lead up develops develops develops s to lead up
complication to the climax complication complication complication to the climax
s to lead up and s to lead up s to lead up s to lead up and
to the climax develops a to the climax to the climax to the climax develops a
and clear climax and and and clear climax
develops a or turning develops a develops a develops a or turning
clear climax point in the clear climax clear climax clear climax point in the
or turning narrative. or turning or turning or turning narrative.
 point in the Uses point in the point in the point in the Uses
narrative. figurative narrative. narrative. narrative. figurative
Uses language in Uses Uses Uses language in
figurative the narrative figurative figurative figurative the narrative
language in to develop language in language in language in to develop
the narrative the plot, the narrative the narrative the narrative the plot,
to develop characters, to develop to develop to develop characters,
the plot, events, the plot, the plot, the plot, events,
characters, and/or characters, characters, characters, and/or
events, experiences. events, events, events, experiences.
and/or Uses at and/or and/or and/or Uses at
experiences. least one of experiences. experiences. experiences. least one of
Uses at the Uses at Uses at Uses at the
least one of following: least one of least one of least one of following:
the irony, the the the irony,
following: symbolism, following: following: following: symbolism,
irony, multiple irony, irony, irony, multiple
symbolism, plots, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, plots,
multiple paradox, multiple multiple multiple paradox,
plots, archetype, plots, plots, plots, archetype,
paradox, flashback, or paradox, paradox, paradox, flashback, or
archetype, stream of archetype, archetype, archetype, stream of
flashback, or consciousne flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or consciousne
stream of ss. stream of stream of stream of ss.
consciousne consciousne consciousne consciousne
ss. ss. ss. ss.

Rising 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Climax creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.b,c,d demonstrate Uses ; a couple ; a few ; several Uses
(2) d dialogue errors exist errors exist errors exist dialogue
Your score: Uses and Uses Uses Uses and
4 dialogue description dialogue dialogue dialogue description
and (characteriz and and and (characteriz
description ation) to description description description ation) to
(characteriz develop (characteriz (characteriz (characteriz develop
ation) to experiences, ation) to ation) to ation) to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Uses and/or and/or and/or Uses
characters. pacing, characters. characters. characters. pacing,
Uses reflection , Uses Uses Uses reflection ,
pacing, suspense pacing, pacing, pacing, suspense
reflection , and reflection , reflection , reflection , and
suspense foreshadowi suspense suspense suspense foreshadowi
and ng to and and and ng to
foreshadowi develop foreshadowi foreshadowi foreshadowi develop
ng to experiences, ng to ng to ng to experiences,
develop events, develop develop develop events,
experiences, and/or experiences, experiences, experiences, and/or
events, characters. events, events, events, characters.
and/or Sequence and/or and/or and/or Sequence
characters. events so characters. characters. characters. events so
Sequence that they Sequence Sequence Sequence that they
events so build on one events so events so events so build on one
that they another to that they that they that they another to
build on one create a build on one build on one build on one create a
another to coherent another to another to another to coherent
create a whole and create a create a create a whole and
coherent build toward coherent coherent coherent build toward
whole and a particular whole and whole and whole and a particular
build toward tone and build toward build toward build toward tone and
a particular outcome a particular a particular a particular outcome
tone and (e.g. sense tone and tone and tone and (e.g. sense
outcome of mystery, outcome outcome outcome of mystery,
(e.g. sense suspense, (e.g. sense (e.g. sense (e.g. sense suspense,
of mystery, growth, or of mystery, of mystery, of mystery, growth, or
suspense, resolution) suspense, suspense, suspense, resolution)
growth, or Uses clear growth, or growth, or growth, or Uses clear
resolution) transitions resolution) resolution) resolution) transitions
Uses clear frequently to Uses clear Uses clear Uses clear frequently to
transitions help develop transitions transitions transitions help develop
frequently to the frequently to frequently to frequently to the
help develop sequencing help develop help develop help develop sequencing
the of events. the the the of events.
sequencing Uses a sequencing sequencing sequencing Uses a
of events. precise/stro of events. of events. of events. precise/stro
Uses a ng words Uses a Uses a Uses a ng words
precise/stro and precise/stro precise/stro precise/stro and
ng words phrases, ng words ng words ng words phrases,
and telling and and and telling
phrases, details, and phrases, phrases, phrases, details, and
telling sensory telling telling telling sensory
details, and language to details, and details, and details, and language to
sensory convey a sensory sensory sensory convey a
language to vivid picture language to language to language to vivid picture
convey a of the convey a convey a convey a of the
vivid picture experiences, vivid picture vivid picture vivid picture experiences,
of the events, of the of the of the events,
experiences, settings experiences, experiences, experiences, settings
events, and/or events, events, events, and/or
settings characters. settings settings settings characters.
 and/or Develops a and/or and/or and/or Develops a
characters. theme and characters. characters. characters. theme and
Develops a weave it Develops a Develops a Develops a weave it
theme and throughout theme and theme and theme and throughout
weave it the weave it weave it weave it the
throughout narrative. throughout throughout throughout narrative.
the Presents the the the Presents
narrative. and narrative. narrative. narrative. and
Presents develops Presents Presents Presents develops
and complication and and and complication
develops s to lead up develops develops develops s to lead up
complication to the climax complication complication complication to the climax
s to lead up and s to lead up s to lead up s to lead up and
to the climax develops a to the climax to the climax to the climax develops a
and clear climax and and and clear climax
develops a or turning develops a develops a develops a or turning
clear climax point in the clear climax clear climax clear climax point in the
or turning narrative. or turning or turning or turning narrative.
point in the Uses point in the point in the point in the Uses
narrative. figurative narrative. narrative. narrative. figurative
Uses language in Uses Uses Uses language in
figurative the narrative figurative figurative figurative the narrative
language in to develop language in language in language in to develop
the narrative the plot, the narrative the narrative the narrative the plot,
to develop characters, to develop to develop to develop characters,
the plot, events, the plot, the plot, the plot, events,
characters, and/or characters, characters, characters, and/or
events, experiences. events, events, events, experiences.
and/or Uses at and/or and/or and/or Uses at
experiences. least one of experiences. experiences. experiences. least one of
Uses at the Uses at Uses at Uses at the
least one of following: least one of least one of least one of following:
the irony, the the the irony,
following: symbolism, following: following: following: symbolism,
irony, multiple irony, irony, irony, multiple
symbolism, plots, symbolism, symbolism, symbolism, plots,
multiple paradox, multiple multiple multiple paradox,
plots, archetype, plots, plots, plots, archetype,
paradox, flashback, or paradox, paradox, paradox, flashback, or
archetype, stream of archetype, archetype, archetype, stream of
flashback, or consciousne flashback, or flashback, or flashback, or consciousne
stream of ss. stream of stream of stream of ss.
consciousne consciousne consciousne consciousne
ss. ss. ss. ss.

Falling 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Action & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Conclusion creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.3.e demonstrate The ; a couple ; a few ; several The
d problem, errors exist errors exist errors exist problem,
Your score: The situation, or The The The situation, or
4 problem, observation problem, problem, problem, observation
situation, or is clearly situation, or situation, or situation, or is clearly
observation resolved. observation observation observation resolved.
is clearly Provides a is clearly is clearly is clearly Provides a
resolved. conclusion resolved. resolved. resolved. conclusion
Provides a that follows Provides a Provides a Provides a that follows
conclusion from and conclusion conclusion conclusion from and
that follows reflects on that follows that follows that follows reflects on
from and what is from and from and from and what is
reflects on experienced reflects on reflects on reflects on experienced
what is , observed, what is what is what is , observed,
experienced or resolved experienced experienced experienced or resolved
, observed, over the , observed, , observed, , observed, over the
or resolved course of or resolved or resolved or resolved course of
over the the over the over the over the the
course of narrative. course of course of course of narrative.
the Reflects the the the Reflects
narrative. upon the narrative. narrative. narrative. upon the
Reflects theme(s) in Reflects Reflects Reflects theme(s) in
upon the the upon the upon the upon the the
theme(s) in conclusion theme(s) in theme(s) in theme(s) in conclusion
the to leave the the the the to leave the
conclusion reader with conclusion conclusion conclusion reader with
to leave the a lasting to leave the to leave the to leave the a lasting
reader with message to reader with reader with reader with message to
a lasting take away a lasting a lasting a lasting take away
message to from the message to message to message to from the
take away story and take away take away take away story and
from the apply to life. from the from the from the apply to life.
story and story and story and story and
apply to life. apply to life. apply to life. apply to life.

Mechanics, 5 = Fully 4= 3= 2= 1= 0 = No
Usage & and Demonstrat Attempted to Attempted to Attempted to attempt
Style creatively ed demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate made
W.1.c,d & L. demonstrate Sentence ; a couple ; a few ; several Sentence
1&2 d variety and errors exist errors exist errors exist variety and
Sentence word choice Sentence Sentence Sentence word choice
Your score: variety and is effective variety and variety and variety and is effective
4 word choice and word choice word choice word choice and
 is effective sophisticate is effective is effective is effective sophisticate
and d. and and and d.
sophisticate A formal sophisticate sophisticate sophisticate A formal
d. style and d. d. d. style and
A formal objective A formal A formal A formal objective
style and tone is style and style and style and tone is
objective established objective objective objective established
tone is and tone is tone is tone is and
established maintained established established established maintained
and & and and and &
maintained Writing is maintained maintained maintained Writing is
& clear, & & & clear,
Writing is concise, and Writing is Writing is Writing is concise, and
clear, strong. clear, clear, clear, strong.
concise, and Sentences concise, and concise, and concise, and Sentences
strong. demonstrate strong. strong. strong. demonstrate
Sentences correct Sentences Sentences Sentences correct
demonstrate usage, demonstrate demonstrate demonstrate usage,
correct punctuation, correct correct correct punctuation,
usage, capitalizatio usage, usage, usage, capitalizatio
punctuation, n, and punctuation, punctuation, punctuation, n, and
capitalizatio spelling. capitalizatio capitalizatio capitalizatio spelling.
n, and n, and n, and n, and
spelling. spelling. spelling. spelling.

Comments:
Total: 21/25 x 2 = 42/50

This is a good start. The story has a clear plot line. You try to develop the characters a little bit
by giving some background information about each one. This is good. There isn't a lot of
sensory language or imagery throughout the text, though. That helps place the reader in the
story. Also, the story is a little cliche.