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27.

cυ|tίναtίng cοmραssίοn

ΙWmnowshαreαfewρrαctίceeχercίsesαndtίρsthatmίghtcomeίnhαm
dyίnyουrjΟυrneyίntοcοmραssίοn.

Ε#:S::.yoDυοegχΟρ°eαctα:nαrΤeυt'υ9r€nΙfοryουrαctsοfcοmραssίοn?ChecκthemΟst
ΕχerCίse Ί . Dο gοοd αnd fοrget

αρρrορrίαte reSροnse.

1.ΑρυblίcαcΚnοWιedgment
2.Αρersοnα|eχρreSsίοnοfgrαtίtυdebythereCeίνer
3.ΑreCίρrοCaΙactοfCοmρaSsίοn
4.ΝΟeχρectatίοnS;jοyίntheαctοfcοmραssίοnίsyΟυrretυrn
Τ, , ΊΙ, -,`Γ _ _

γουαreΙίκeΙytοbehαρρίestίfyουρίcΚedthefουrthορtίοmΑgοοddeed
j5ύestfομωύythedοαwjthnοthjngeχρectedh™mConsίder
yΟυrSelfeχtrαοrdίnαrίιyΙυcΚyαndbeρΙeαsαntΙySυrρrίsedΗyουrfeelίngs
andαctsofcοmραssίοnareαρρrecίatedαndαρρrορrίαtelyαcΚnοwιedged.
ΑctfοrthesaΚeofactίοn;feelforthesακeοffeelίng;αndΙονefortheSακe
οf Ιονίng-wίth nοthίng eχρected ίn retυrn.

μyουgetstυcΚίnthedesίretοgetrecοgnίtίοn,yουαremorelίκelytΟ
ίnνίtedίsαρροίntments.Εχρectαtίοnαιsοtακesαwαysomeοftheρυrίty
frοmyουrcοmραssίοnαteαctίοns.ΙfyουmίχcοmραsSίοnwίtheχρectα-
tίοn,yΟυrαctοfcοmραsSίοnmίghtdegenerαteίntοαnοrdίnαrydeedίm
νοινίngenergyeχchangeοfsοmefοrm.

CοnsίderyουrseHbΙeSsedthαtyουWereρrονίdedtheορροrtυnίtytοbe
ίnthegίνermοde.ΙtίsοnΙythebleSsedfeWWhogetαnΟΡΡΟrtυnΨtΟ
ρrονίdeSelfΙesShelρ.ΑctίνelySeαrchfοrtheSeΟρροrtυnίtίeSanddοnot
Ιet them gο by υnαttended. Αs yΟυ heΙρ Sοmeone eΙse, yου ακ reαιly
heΙρίngyουrseΙf.Τheenergyw™eνentυallycοmebαcΚtοyΟυοncethe
Cίrc,e getS CοmρΙete.

ΕΗΧ:Ξ':eοz;οΑυττsΙ:υeυ%::ν:cυίs";fΥέ;;*Ssίοn?Checκαιιthαtαρριy.
ΕχerCίse2.ΑttίtυdetοWαrdc,οmρα_s_sι_3:n^

1. Βυrden
2. LΟαd
3. Draίn
4. Ορροrtυnίty
2Ο2 Τraίn Υουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeαrt .... ΤranSfοrm γουr Lίfe

5. Εner9ίzίng π
6. Ρrίνίιege Π

c_Ο~Τ.?_α_ssΔί:Γ_sr?.υιdbeenergίzίngαndαddmeαnίngtοyουrιίfe.Cοm.
ραssίοn dοes nοt meαn yΟυ stορ cαrίng fοr the seΙf. stυdίes sυggest thαt
αctίνe cυιtjναtίοn οf emραthy shουιd αdd αn αιtrυίstίc dίmensίοn to yοιH
ρersοnαιίtyWίthουttακίngαwαyyουrαbί|ίtytoCαrefοrtheself.

Ιf cοmραssίοn ίs feΙt αs α bυrden, α ΙΟad οr α drαίn οn yουr energy, Sοme-


thίng ίs wrοng. Ιf yου hανe αny of these feeΙίngs, yΟυ mαy be eχρerίenc-
ίng ``cοmραs5ι.οn fαtι.gυe." comραsSίοn fαtίgυe ρrίmαrίιy οrίgίnαtes frοm
eχραndίngyουrdίαmeterαndίntenSίtyοfconcernwαybeyοndwhαtyουr
emοtίοnαι Strength cαn mαnαge. Sυch αn αρρrοαch mαy degenerαte
cοmραssίοn ίntο cαtαstrΟρhίzίng. Ιn generαι ίt ίs α gοοd ίdeα tο cυ|tίναte
cοmραssίοn αnd Ιονe fοr eνeryοne, ίncΙυdίng mαny yΟυ dο nοt Κnοw. Βυt
ίfcοmραsSίοnίseχcessίνeαndίsnοtcουριedwίthagοοdυnderStαndίng
thαt Sυfferίng αnd fίnίteneSs αre grουnd reαιίtίes fοr eνery Ιίfe fοrm, then
cοmραssίοn|eαdstοnοn-αcceρtαnceWhίchcοmρουndsyΟυrοWnsυffer-
ίng. Sυch cοmραssίοn can helρ nο οne.

υnfοrtυnαteΙy, the cυrrent stαte οf the WοrΙd οffers enουgh ορροrtυnίty


fοryουtofeeΙραrαιyzedbythemίseryyΟυcαnfίndbyjυstαfewcΙίcΚSon
the |nternet. Ουr brαίns eνο|νed αrουnd α tίme When We Ιίνed ίn Smαπ
trίbes αnd cου|d see sυfferίng οf οnΙy α reΙαtίνe few. Βυt nοW Wίth eχ-
cellent Cοmmυnίcαtίοn ίn the Wοrld, we get ίnυndαted wίth grαρhίc ίm-
αgesαndWοrdsοfυnίmαgίnαbΙesυfferίngeχρerίencedbyΙαrgegrουρsοf
ρeορ|e.ΤhίsmαyΙeαdtοcοmραssίοnfαtίgυeοrWοrsestίιι,nυmbίngαnd
Ιοssοfsensίtίνίty.Reseαrchsυggeststhαtweresροndmυchbettertosυf-
ferίng thαt ουr brαίn αnd mίnd feeΙ ίs mαnαgeαbΙe.2°3 Reροrts οf mίιιίοns
SυfferίngtendtοmακeυsnυmbαndemotίοnαιιyρaraΙyΖed.

ΕχCessίνe cοmραssίοn mαy be fαr tΟο Common thαn α tοtαι ΙαcΚ Οf jt. |n a
reνίeW of fίfty-seνen stυdίes on Cοmραssίοn fαtίgυe among CαnCer-cαre
ρrονίders, Cοmραssίοn fαtίgυe wαs fουnd to be common αnd nοted tο
hανe α negαtίνe ίmραct οn cαncer-cαre ρrονίders ίndίνίdυα||y αs WeΠ as
the whole wοrΚρΙαce.2Ο4 Α ραrtίcυ|αr αsρect οf cοmραssίοn fοr οthers ίs
thαt ίntense comραssίοn mαy actυαι|y hανe the ρersοn nοt οnly υnder-
stαnd others'sυfferίng bυt αιsο αctυαιιy eχρerίence ίt. Synαesthesία refers
tοemραthίΖίngfοrαsWeΠαseχρerίenCίngtheοbserνedοrίmαgίnedρaίn
ίnοthersαsίfίtίstheίrοWn.Scίentίstsnοtethαtίndίνίdυα|swίthρreνίουs
ραίnfυι οr trαυmαtίc eχρerίences mαy be ρredίsροsed tο sυch ραίn eχρe-
rίence. Whίιe sοme οf thίs mαy be υnανοίdαbΙe ίn α gίνen ίndίνίdυα|, ίn
9enerαι ίt mίght not be αdαρtίνe tο cοmρουnd sυfferίng.205
Cυ|tίναtίng cοmραsSίοn 203

Τhυs comραssίοn fαtίgυe ίs mοre ΙίκeΙytο hαρρen When οne hαs ρersοnα|-
|y eχρerίenCed sυfferίng. CοmρasSίοn fαtίgυe ίs αιsο |ίκeΙy ίn the fοΙΙοWίng
ίnstαnCes: |αcΚ οf fυ|| ρerSρeCtίνe (ΙaCΚ οf aCceρtαnce αbουt the υnίνerSα|-
ίty οf Sυfferίng); tοο mυch neWs; tendenCy tο CαtαstrορhίΖe ραrtίcυ|αrΙy
Wίth ρreνίουs negatίνe eχρerίenCes; αnd tοο brοαd α cίrCle οf Cοmραssίοn.
Whίιe ίt ίs aρρrορrίαte tο Κeeρ α generα| αttίtυde οf CοmραsSίοn tοWαrd
all, aCtίνely ρraCtίce CοmραsSίοn οnΙy tο the eχtent thαt yΟυ're emοtίοnα|
and ρhysίcal CαρaCίty αι|οWS. ΑS yου grοw αnd mαtυre, yου Wί|| fίnd thαt
sοme-
?rίenC-
yου Cαn grαdυαιιy eχρand yουr CαρaCίty fοr cοmραsSίοn. |f yου αίm tο
|ίft twο hυndred ρουnds, yου mαy hανe tο stαrt Wίth tWenty and bυίιd
5 frΟm
frοm there. Wίth υntraίned mυsCles, tryίng tο Ιίft the entίre twο hυndred
Ιt yου r
nerate ρουnds Cουιd hυrt yου.
Ιtίναte ΡrοteCtίng yουrSelf frοm Cοmραssίοn fαtίgυe, hοWeνer, dοes nοt ίmρΙy
W. Βυt that yου aΙ|οw the ρendυιυm tο swίng the οther wαy. Αn ίntereStίng
ndίng Stυdy Sυggested that as ίndίνίdυα|s rοse ίn Stαtυs αnd ροwer, theίr |eνel οf
\, then Cοmρassίοn decreαsed, ρartly beCaυse οf deCreαsed mοtίναtίοn tο αffilί-
sυffer- ate. Ιt Wί|| helρ yου tο remember thίs ροssίbίιίty αnd ρrοteCt yουr"hίgher
seΙf''αs yου rίse υρ the sοCία| αnd ρrοfesSίοnα| eCheΙοnS.

Τυnίty
CκS οn Εχercίse 3. Μedίtαtίοn οn cοmραsSίοn
Ι small Sίt ίn α Sαfe ρΙαce Wίth yουr eyeS cΙοSed. Drαw αn ίmαgίnαry cίrcιe. ΡΙαce yουr-
ίth eχ- SeΙf ίn thαt cίrcιe. Wίthίn thαt cίrcιe αιιοw yουrSeΙf tο brίng Sοmeοne yου thίnΚ
lίc ίm- needS heΙρ αnd feeΙ cοmραsSίοnαte αbΟυt. Creαte ροsίtίνe Wαrm feeΙίngS fοr
•υρs Οf thαt ρerSοn. ΝοW Wίth eαch ίn breαth try tο ίmαgίne thαt yου αre shαr.ιng
`9 αnd theίr ραίn αnd Sυfferίng. Wίth eαch ουt breαth ίmαgίne sendίng them heαιίng
tΟ Sυf- energy αnd Ιονe. Οnce yου feeΙ cοmfοrtαbΙe Wίth thίs eχercίse, eχραnd the
Ιίl'ίοnS dίαmeter οf yουr cίrCιe. Αdd οthers ίntο the cίrcιe αnd reρeαt thίs eχercίse.

γου cαn dο thίs eχercίse Wίth Seνerαι ρeορΙe Shαrίng theίr cοmραsSίοn αnd
ίt. Ιn a cαre Wίth sοmeοne Whο mαy be Sυ#erίng.
Ξr-Care
ted tΟ Εχercίse 4. CοmραsSίοn fοr Sοmeοne yου Ιονe
νell as Sjt ίn α Sαfe ρΙαce Wίth yουr eyes CΙοSed. Drαw αn ίmαgι.nαry cίrcιe. ΡΙαce
hers ίs
yουrseΙfίnthαtcίrcιe.Wίthίnthαtcίrcιeα|SοίncΙυdeSοmeoneyουdeαrΙyΙονe.
Jnder- Creαte ροsίtίνe Wαrm feelίngS fοr thαt ρerSοn.
I refers
•d ρaίn ΝοW fοcυs οn hοW the tWο οf yου αre Sίmίιαr. Αt ίts mοst bαsίc |eνeΙ yου αre
eνίουs bοth hυmαns. γου hανe sίmίιαr bίοιοgίc needS (fοοd, breαth, heαιthy bοdy).
eχρe- γου bοth need |ονe, cαre, αnd Secυrίty. Νeχt hnd οther αreαs οf SίmίιαrίtίeS.
(υal, ίn Dο yου hανe Sίmίιαr ρreferenceS fοr fοοd? Dο yου bοth Ι.ιΚe tο trανel? Dο yου
bοth hανe υnίqυe ίdίοsyncrαsίeS? Do yου Ιίκe Sίm.ι|αr cΙοthes? Αre yουr mονίe
204 Τrαίn γουr Βrαίn .... Εngage γουr Ηeart..„Τrαnsfοrm γουr Lίfe

ί:::cnehSnSf::!α,rι?nίτnr,!btΟ.rh^n,^d.Ξί_m.ί_Ιf`rίtίeSeνenίndί#erenceS.ΑreyουbοthSίmί_
Ιαr ίn hανίng υnίqυe ρreferenCeS?

ίng.WίtheαchΟυtbreαthίm-αgίneSe;'dΓ;;;;:υ;;:#ί;'ξc:'n::ξ;ααnndαιsουνπe.
ΊnΟα:#ίίtthheραn:Ρ::,?rLerα^t^h+::_αgί_n:ΞΙhαty.ρυαreShαrίngtheίrραίnαndSυ#er.

Τhe mοre sίmίιαrίtίes yου seeΚ αnd αre αbΙe tο ήnd, the cΙοser yου Wm
Cοme tο οthers, ίncΙυdjng yουr |ονed ones. γου αre then mοre Ιίκely tΟ
αcCeρtthehυnίqυeness,eνenthοseαsρectsthαtsοfαrmαyhανeseemed
αnn0yίng.

Εc::r:c^ίs.eΞ._ιc_οrραsSί?ρfοrSοmeοneyουbαreιyκnοW
S:to:nrςαριfS:nfethΡ!α+c,eί,:!th,Ί:.υLr:_ey.:_S:Ι6.;;Ρ:-.ή;';;'ίmαgίnαrycίrcιe.ριαce
yνοο:ΙrSheίfr;:,tLhnα^tu:ίr;Ι,e^.^+ψί_tρί_:;:ρ_αtcίrcιe,αΓΙ;ί.y_ξ.;r.;έ.ΙF::,ίυn,cyΙυιίeΙ,Sεέmr:αοcnee
yουbαreΙyΚnow.CreαteροSίtίνeWαrm-f;eι-ί-n.ζs'fνο;ί.Κ:ί;νe;:::.

Νn:%dfSΟαcrυρsς::ί:nhre,Sf!m^!α.r!t,r.::f+`t.hια_:.Ρe:SοnΨίthyΟυ.WeαιιαrehυmαnS,ουr
nα;;αdrSeαίrnenS::nί:αtrnttfΟcΟ^d::eιc^:,:ίιtμ_ΙοΔ;Ξ,.pαρρ;;,;.S..S:;;f_:Ξ`nSυ:,ουf,fςυι,ί#ι,:υe:tsί.Ο#e
α!:sαc::ςίςgρnΗοίrnα::aαtnSr:`:^e.Ι.:ν^:!^ά_Γ.!_;ί.SίtΓΟΓ;.;.;ί-ί.:;#;r;:;υΒ'α'Sυ:ί'::ewn;ΙέtWw€e
d::cmυ:οe:ίnρtt:eρρρnr%:οt:^S,^eχ^e{:Ξ::Ξ,t;y;nά.ξ;νd.:;.;;ί,ί,ngέ:%€tυhΟα:::gαhttwbee
cοmmοn betWeen the tWο οf yΟυ.

tο:nneΟr%αο:dυ;Οκνne:Wn,.Wίtheαch;;t_b_reξ;ί.ί,;;ggί;,:ςs,έnμd;,:έυtπh::υhπeeαrί:ngg
#ο%ncοhrίυnnbκrneοα#hn.:m%:nheatnh,αht^y,?+υL::e_.SLhf_r_ίng.the.ιrραίnαndsυ#er.ιng
energy αnd ΙΟνe.

ΕC::r:c^ίs^eΞ._ιC_ΟrΡαsSίρρfοrSοmeοneyουαrenοtαbιetοιονe
Sfto:nrςαριfS:fethρ:αtc,eίr:Ιί^th,Ί:.υLr:_eyL:_S_Ξιέ.;;έ„.ψ;;;;;ίι::υ;:αryc.Ιrcιe.ρΙαce
yαοb;:S:!fιίnnν:hατth;!rc,!e,.MW:t^h!n^i!h_α_t_c_ίrcΙ:J;ζ.ί;.c"ι.;d;'Sυο9:'eυ::e`;:'υe.αrreΙαncοet
αhb:emte::οrνne;wτnh:SLcοΤr::d+^b,e.:ο^Τ^e_Ο_n.:.jί;.;α;ί;yυec;υυr,tΙ,y%:,:nytΟhυeαρrαeStn,Οαtt
he:tΞne,tονrn:ΙtΓ:nΟrκ;^Τrny^t+οf^c.r.e_α`t.e_ρε_S_ί_:jje;;;:;:eυι;;d:υ;:rytυhυα:rέ::SeορnαtSοt,tαhte
eχtent yου cαn. Dο nοt fοrce yουrSeΙf.

Νn:%dfsΟ:%:ίnmtίρnerSίίfΤ!Ι:rί,t!.:f:.!?tι_ΡerS?nwίιhyΟυ.WeαιιαrehυmαnS,ουr
n#Sιια::eSίίnm::αrrnfftΟ:+d,c:e_c:rιί:y,,^Ιό_ν_e,Δhα.;,ί;ίe,S.S:.α.;.;Sυe,;::cο,f,υf:ι,ήυιι%eΟnυtΙ,.

Οtthhnetrςs::f::ίtayλy^Ο^:::.n:_h:,d7Δ_Αret~hey;ξ;ί;g.fί;,;tίυe:Sc;,::9::>ο:::reeνeαnnrf
ψtehαeΙrΙS::ίίαg:tονrανnΩ:ΙαΓtnSnΟ:neλι7eJΔe!^α+nLά^`j!ΓS_ί..:ί_;_-έ;.ίυs.:Ξ::;ngυ.Ι'Ι:':':Ιe:eenατ:;
thαtSοmeοnedοeSnοtίncΙυdeyου?

W#:thheeααcchh:nιιtb:er:::;Τmαngf:ne^y.Ο^υ^Α:r_e_Ξ:Ξr_:ξs.ιng.theίrραίnαndSυ#erίng.

ψ:tn:ξοαrcα:νοeυtthbρr:ίt,ρς:Ξ^drg[hn:..SΞ:^dμ_g_.tίΞ_ί_ί;άίί;έ.`Ξ;eγrξ_;,αυn,ίTο>νυe,.ΓF;ΙynΟgύ
cαn,fοrgίνethemjυstfοr-thίsmomJntα-ndαΞc";;t3t`ί:`:9fyο:'#h'αυtνt€h;;yαοrυe.
205
Cυ|tίναtίng Cοmραssίοn

th Sίmί- Βυt dο nοt fοrce thίs feeΙίng. Gο οnΙy αs fαr αs yου feeΙ cοmfοrtαbΙe.. Ρe ορΞn
ίξίhέ ροsSίbίιίty thαt yο;mίght feeι mοre cοmραssίοnαte tοWαrd them tο-
mοrrοW thαn yου αre tοdαy.
d Sυffer-
] Ιονe. GΌ
yΟυ WίlI We aΙ| αre ίntίmαteΙy ίnterCοnneCted tο eαch οther. Αt α mαcrο
'ίκeΙy t0 |eνel ουr destίnίeS αre CΙοsely ίntertwίned. We αre αιmοst ίdentίcαι
Seemed bίο|οgίcaΙΙy, genetίcaΙΙy αnd behανίοrαι|y. Τhe dίfferenCes αre eαsί|y
eCΙίρsed by sίmί|αrίtίes.

ΙthίnΚίtWίιιberίghttοsαyαsΜeherΒαbαeχρreSsedthαtyουαndΙdοeSnοt
eqυαι jυst we, yου αnd Ι eqυαιs οne.
e. ρΙαce
Οmeοne SοΙetyουrCοmραsSίοnfΙοw,jυstαswαterfloWsWhenthetαρίsΟΡened,
eνer reαdy tο qυench the thίrst οf ρeορΙe υnΚnown αnd ρreνίουsΙy υn-
seen. Τhίs ίs the nαtυre οf grαce. ComραsSίοn ίs nοthίng bυt α mαnίfestα-
'αnS, Ουr tίοn of yΟυr 9raCe.
€nfJ. We
whαt We
nίght be

sυffer`Ιng
1 heαIίng

sυ#erjng.
νe. Ιf yου
they αre.
th sίmί-

d Sυffer-
' Iονe.

yΟυ wίll
ΙίκeΙy t0

seemed

sΕcΤ|ΟΝ ν|Ι|: ΑccΕΡΤΑΝCΕ

e. ρΙαce
'Οmeοne

Ίαns' ουr
)ent'. We
whαt We
mίght be

sυfferίng
1 heαιίng

sυ#erίng.
ονe. Ιf yου
t they αre.
28. What ίs ΑcceρtαnCe?

Ι see whαt Ι αm.

Ουr ρerCeρtίοns deρend οn the qυαιίty οf ουr αttentίοn αnd hοW We


ίnterρret the ίnfοrmαtίοn we receίνe. Τhe greαter ουr ίngrαίned bίαs,
the farther ουr ρerCeρtίοns are Ιίκely tο be frοm the trυth. Reα|ίstίcα||y,
ίt ίs eχtraοrdίnarί|y dίfhCυιt tο cοmρ|etely Ιet gο οf the bίαs. ΗοWeνer,
here ίs what we Cαn dο tο deCreαse the negαtίνe ίmραct οf bίαs: mίnί-
mίΖe the bίas by bet.ng mοre οέ7y.eCfί.νe; be wίιιίng tο CοnSίder ροSsίbίιίtίes
that dο nοt α|ίgn wίth ρreCοnCeίνed nοtίοnS by beι.ng mοre f7eχt.b/e; de-
νelορ α ρersρeCtίνe thαt ίs cΙοser tο the reα|ίty οf eνerydαy |ίfe by nιjr-
tυrίhg Wίsdοm tο ρυrSυe trυth., αnd deνeΙορ WίιιίngnesS Το wοrΚ w.ιtΡ _the
ίmρerfeCt, υndeSίrable, οr υnCοntrο||αble. ΑCceρfαrιCe ι.s α cοmbι.nα-
tί;n οf these fουr αsρects: οbjectίνίty, fΙeχίbίιίty, ρυrsυίt οf trυth, αnd
wίι'ίngness.

What ίs Αcceρtαnce?
Οbjectίνίty: Αcceρtαnce ίs yουr αbίιίty tο mίnίmίΖe bjαs. Αcceρtαnce .ιS yοΓr
Wί||ίngneSsαndαbί|ίtytοseethίngSαstheyreα||yαreαndnοtαsyουρrefer
them tο be. |t ίs an ίnternαι aCκnοwledgement οf'`whαt ίs''αs yΟυ ρreραre
fοr the αρρrορrίαte resροnse. ΑCceρtαnce entαίιs deeρenίng αnd sυstαίn-
ίng attentίοn, delαyίng ίnterρretαtίοns αnd theίr relαted jυdgments. Τhίs
enrίches yουr sensοry ίnρυt ρrονίdίng yου mοre tίme αnd thυs mοre de-
taί|S tο helρ yου arrίνe αt αn ίnterρretαtίοn thαt ίs C|οser tο the trυth.

FΙeχίbίιίty: Αcceρtαnce ίs αn ίnner f]eχίbίιίty ίn yουr mίnd ρrοCeSseS. ΑCceρ-


tanCe alloWs yΟυ tο Cοnsίder nονel ροssίbί|ίtίes thαt mαy nοt neCessαrί|y
alίgn wίth yουr ρreCοnceίνed nοtίοns. Τhίs Wίιιίngness οfferS fleχίbίιίty tο
yουr thουght αnd behανίοr αnd ίs Crίtίcα| tο |eαrnίng αnd αdαρtαtίοn, αnd
tο ραrtίcίραte ίn α teαm both αs α |eαder αs WeΙ| αs α ραrt οf the teαm. Rί-
gίdίty wίth feW eχceρtίοnS ίs α sίgn οf ί11 heαιth Whίιe fΙeχίbί|ίty ίs α Sίgn οf
We,,ness αnd grοWth.

Wίsdom αnd the ρυrsυίt οf trυth: ΑcceρtαnCe ίs Seαrchίng fοr αnd cοΙΙectjng
ΚnοWιedge thαt ίs CΙοser tο the trυth, ίrreSρectίνe οf ίtS deSίrαbίιίty. Deνe+ορ-
ίng α mοdel οf the Wοrld αnd ίtS ραrts thαt ίs CΙοser tο hοW they αctυα|Ιy
ορerαte ίs |ίκeΙy tο emροwer yΟυ tο better descrίbe, ρredίct, αnd ίnflυenCe
ρhenΟmenΟn.
21 Ο Τrαίn γουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeαrt .... Τrαnsform Υουr Lίfe

WίιιίngneSS: Αcceρtαnce αιsο ίs (αt Ιeαst) temροrαr.ιΙy becοmίng cοmfοrtαbΙe


Wίth the ίmρerfect, υndeSίrαbΙe οr υncοntrοΙΙαbΙe αnd WίιιίngneSS tο engαge
wtΤh t.ί. Τhe ρυrροse ίs tο deCreαse negαtίνe emοtίοnαι reαctίνίty αs yου try
tο ίmρrονίse, Cοrrect οr αdαρt tο the dίsαgreeαble. Τhίs ίs the ``αρρrοaCh"
strαtegy cοmραred tο "ανοίdαnCe"thαt mαy dίsengαge yου frοm the WοrΙd
αnd ίncreαse stress αnd dίs-eαse.

ReseαrCh Shοws thαt αcCeρtαnCe ίs sοmetίmes dίffίcυ|t tο |earn, ρartίcυ-


|αrΙy ίf yου hανe α ρredίsροsίtίοn tο eχρerίenCe negαtίνe mοοd. Τhίs may
be ραrtly beCαυse αcceρtαnCe ίs οften Cοnfυsed Wίth αραthy. Α Cοmmοn
qυestίοn ραtίents αnd Ιeαrners οften αsΚ me ίs, "Wίth αcCeρtαnCe αm 1 re-
sίgnίng myseΙf tο fαte, beCοmίng αραthetίc, αnd nοt dοίng Whαt 1 shουιd
be dοίn9?,,

Μy resροnse ίs αn emρhαtίc Νο. Αραthy ίs ΙοSs οf ρassίοn αnd hΟρe and


refΙeCts ραthοΙοgίcα| ρessίmίsm. Αραthy sίgnίfίes g|οοm, ίs αιmοst sίnfυ|,
αnd Wίιι neνer Ιeαd tο the hίgher gοαιs tοWαrd whίch yου strίνe. Αραthy
eχρresses ίtSeΙf αs |ίstlessness αnd ίs οften refΙeCted ίn eχρressίοnS Sυch
αs, `'Whαteνer''or''Ι j.υst WοrΚ here." Νοthίng Cου|d be fυrther frοm aCceρ-
tαnce thαn the feelίng οf αραthy.

ΑCceρtαnCe, οn the οther hαnd, reρresentS hορe, ορtίmίsm, αnd faίth. ΑC-
CeρtαnCe ίs mακίng the snοW mαn eαch tίme ίt snοWs ΚnοWίng fυ|Ιy Well
thαt ίt wί|Ι eνentυα||y melt when the sυn shοws υρ. Jοy ίs ίn the ρrοCess
οf maΚίng the Snοw mαn, nοt ίn hανίng ίt |αst fοreνer. Βy beCοmίng Cοm-
fοrtαble wίth the reαιίty οf ίmρerfeCtίοns, υndesίrαble αnd sοmetίmes υn-
Cοntrο|ΙαbΙe ουtCοmes, αs Well αs fίnίteness, αcCeρtαnCe helρs remονe feαr
αnd fosters α deeρer engαgement Wίth |ίfe. ΑcceρtαnCe ίs maίntaίnίng an
ίnner bα|αnCe sο yου Cαn Cυ|tίναte strength thαt fαcίιίtαtes ραssίοnαte aC-
tίοn. Τhίs ραssίοn ίs rΟοted ίn Cαιm. |t ίs thίs Cοmbίnαtίοn οf ραssίοn and
Cα|m thαt ρrοmοtes Creαtίνίty αnd grοWth οf the ίndίνίdυα| and the sοCί-
eΤy. ΕχteΥnαι effοΥt ροweΥed by ίnteΥnαι αcceρtαnce geneΥαtes α stΥοng
αnd fοcυsed αctίοn.

When eχρectαtίοns dο nοt mαtch reα|ίty, αn ίnternαι bαttle οften Stαrts


thαt ΙeαdS tο frυstrαtίοn αnd anger. Α bαttle Wίth the self Cαn neνer be
Wοn. ΑCceρtαnCe αιιοwS yου tο steρ ουt οf thίs |αrgely υnneCessαry bαttΙe.
Τhίs steρρίng ουt sανes energy, ρreνents ρremαtυre reaCtίοns, αnd helρS
enhαnCe yουr jοy. Fυrther, by Ιettίng yου see the reαιίty αnd gίνίng yου
greαter tίme to resροnd tο the sίtυαtίοn, αcCeρtαnCe helρs yου engίneer
the resΡΟnse Cοnstrυctίνely.
Whαt ίs Αcceρtαnce? 211

'mfΟrtαbΙe Α Κey αsρeCt οf αcCeρtαnCe entαί|s reCοgnίzίng thαt there ίs α |ίmίt tο


tο engαge whαt yου Cαn Cοntrο|. Τhe reα|ίty ίs whether we |ίκe ίt οr nοt, οften whαt
' αs yΟυ try
ίs beyοnd ουr Cοntrο| ίs Wαy mοre thαn Whαt ίs fυ|Ιy wίthίn CοntrοΙ. Τhίs
aρρrΟach„ realίzαtίοn sανeS yου energy sίnce yου fοCυs οn the CοntrοΙ|αbΙe αsρeCtS
the WοrΙd οf yουr lίfe rαther thαn feelίng desροndent αbουt the υnCοntrο|Ιαble Cοm-
ροnentS. ΑCceρtαnCe thυs helρs creαte α reα|ίstίc Wοrld mοdel Where
υnCertαίnty Cαn be mοre eαsίιy αcCοmmοdαted. ΟnCe thίs ίs fυ||y υnder-
ρartίcυ- stοοd αnd embοdίed, ίt ίs ίmmensely emροwerίng beCαυse ίt dίmίnίsheS
Τhίs may
ουr υnWί|Ιίngness to eχρerίenCe υnρ|eαsαntness. Τhίs υnWίι|ίngness ίs α
cοmmΟn sίgnίfίcαnt Cοntrίbυtor tο ουr sυfferίng.
e am Ι re-
t Ι shΟυId Α ConStαnt ρrαctίce οf αcCeρtαnCe |eαdS οne tο sυrrender. sυrrender,
|ίκe αcceρtαnce, mαy sοmetίmes be mίsυnderstοοd. surrender ι.s fhe υ/-
tίmαte feeΙίng ίn ορtίmίsm, α beΙίef thαt the wοrΙd ίs jυst αnd fαίΥ αnd
hορe and thαt the Υίght Ιοng-teΥm ραth ίs tο fοΙΙοw the ρΥίncίριes οf fαίΥness αnd
οst sίnfυι,
/.υ5fι.ce. sυrrender α|sο entαίιs Cυ|tίναtίng α secυre belίef thαt the WοrΙd
. Αραthy Cαres αbουt yου beCαυse yου αre α mοst ίntίmαte αnd ρreCίουs ραrt οf the
ίοns sυch
Creαtίοn, j.υst Ιίκe eνeryοne elSe ίs.
lm aCceρ-
Μαtυre sυrrender ίs rοοted ίn the deeρest Wίsdοm. sυrrender reCοgnίΖes
thαt ουr Cοnteχtυα| ΚnοWιedge thαt ίs |ίmίted by ουr ραrαdίgm Crίtίcαι|y
faίth. ΑC-
deρendS οn ουr ίgnοrαnCe. Αnythίng We see deρends οn clαrίty οf ουr
fυlly WeΙΙ
νίsίοn tο thαt ροίnt bυt α|sο ίnαbί|ίty tο see fυrther. Τhίs cου|d |eαd tο
e ρrοCess ίnήnίte regreSsίοn Wίth ρrοgreSsίνe αbί|ίty tο See α deeρer reα|ίty. Sυr-
ίng c0m-
render |οοΚs αt thίs eχercίse wίth engαged αmυsement αnd reCοgnίΖes
tίmes υn-
ίts υιtίmαte fυtί|ίty. Τhe υιtίmαte Why mαy be υnαnswerαbΙe beCαυse ίt
nΟνe fea r Cοmes wίth α |οαd οf αssυmρtίοnS thαt ουr mίnd Cαnnοt eαsί|y rej.eCt. Εν-
aίnίn9 an
ery αnswer Wί|| οnΙy sρrουt α fυtυre qυestίοn. Αrmed Wίth thίs wίsdοm
Οnate αc- οne |eαrnS thαt ίt ίs mοst αdαρtίνe tο nοt ρeg οne'S ρeαce οr j.οy οn the
5sίοn αnd
sρeCίήcs οf cοnteχtυα| ΚnοWledge. Τhίs breeds sυrrender, αn οffshοοt οf
the Sοcί- the deeρest wίsdοm. Greαtest ρeαce mαy hίde ίn reΙίnqυίshίng the need
α stΥΟng tο Κnow. ΡίcΚ bleSsίngs nοt Κnοwιedge ίf yου αre gίνen οnΙy οne tο Chοοse
frοm. γου αre bΙessed When yου αre cοntent Wίth jυst Whο yου αre. Τhαt'S the
mοment yου hnd yουrSeΙνes ρrουd οWnerS οf eνerythίng thαt cαn't be bουght
:en stαrts
neνer be (ΜαttheW 5:5 ΜSG).
ry bαttΙe. 1 reα|ίΖe there αre tίmes when αcCeρtαnCe, as ίt mίght be υnderstοοd sυ-
nd heΙρS
ρerήcίαιιy,jυst dοes nοt seem fαίr οr αρρrορrίαte. Μαny οf these Sίtυαtίοns
νίng yΟυ αre Where ίnnοCent well meαnίng ρeορ|e αre faCed Wίth mαrΚedly αdνerse
engίneer eνents ίn theίr Ιίνes. Ορtίmίsm αnd fαίth mαy be seνereΙy Chα|Ιenged ίn
these tίmes αnd need sίgnίfίcαnt strength αnd Cουrαge tο sυstαίn. Α few
212 Τrαίn γουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeart .... Τrαnsform γουr Lίfe

αρρrοαches α|οne οr ίn Cοmbίnαtίοn thαt mίght helρ yου tυrn αrουnd the
αdνersίty αnd ρreserνe sοme sαnίty ίncΙυde: consίderίng dίsrυρtίοn as
yΟυr sρίrίtυαι Stress test; tryίng to fίnd meαnίng ίn the adνerSίty; CοnSίder-
ίng αdνersίty αs a chaΙΙenge rαther thαn αs ρυnίshment; eχρandίng the
wοrΙd νίeW tο ίnC|υde ίmρerfeCtίοns; Κeeρίng the fαίth; reαdίng ίnsρίrα-
tίοnα| storίeS; αnd reαιίΖίng (αnd αcceρtίng) thαt there αre αsρeCts οf Ιίfe
thαt αre jυst beyοnd ίndίνίdυα| Cοntrο|. Εαch οf these ίs α Steρ tοWard
deνeΙορίng αcceΡtαnCe.

|nner αcCeρtαnCe ίs α Crίtίcα| ροίnt ίn yουr j.ουrney frοm dίsrυρtίοn tο


trαnsfοrmαtίοn.
Jnd the
)tίοn αs
29. Why Αcceρtαnce?
nsίder-
ίng the
ίnsρίra- |mαgίne yου hανe to fαce αn eνent thαt yου fίnd Chα||engίng (e.g. gίνίng α
s οf Ιίfe ρreSentαtίοn οr αn ίnterνίeW, οr hοstίng α ραrty). We Wίιι υse the eχαmρ|e
tΟWαrd οf gίνίng αn ίmροrtαnt ρresentαtίοn fοr thίs eχerCίse, bυt yου mαy sυbstί-
tυte ίt fοr αny οther eνent thαt mίght be mοre aρρrορrίαte fοr yουr sίtυα-
tίοn. γουr energy fοr sυch αn eνent ίs dίstrίbυted ίn tWο dίreCtίοns: 1 ) eχ-
tίοn tο ternα||y tοWαrd ρreραrαtίοn fοr the υρcοmίng ρreSentαtίοn; 2) ίnternalΙy
tοWαrd refΙeχίνe generαtίοn οf αnχίety αbουt the ρrοCess αnd ουtCοme;
αttemρts tο sυρρress thίs αnχίety; frυstrαtίοn αt the ίnαbίιίty tο dο sο; de-
creαsed qυα|ίty of Ιίfe fοr the dαyS αwαίtίng the ρresentαtίοn; αnd οnce the
ρreSentαtίοn ίs Ονer, rυmίnαtίοns οn hοW the Whο|e thίng Went fοCυsίng
mοStly οn the negαtίνe (Fίgυre 29.1 ).

υρcοmin8

υsem ΕnerςΞν
ΑΧΒ WaSted ΕnerΞy
Φαmtίοn fοr (Αnχίety reαctίοn;
the ρreSentαtίοn) αnχίety sυρρressίοn)

\υ,cοm,
Fίgυre 29.1 Ραrtίtίοn οf energy ίntο υsefυ| αnd Wαstefυ| energy
When resροndίng tο α Chαι|enge

ΕχerCί.5e 7. Ιf the energy yου υse tοwαrd ρreραrίng fοr the ρreSentαtίοn ίs
deρίcted by Α αnd fοr the αnχίety reαctίοn αnd αssοcίated ρhenοmenοn
reΡresenΤed by Β, try αnd rαte yουrSelf Where yου Stαnd.

Ί. Α=20°/ο;Β=80Ο/o
2. Α=40Ο/o;Β=600/ο
3. Α=60%;Β=40%
4. Α=80Ο/o;Β=20Ο/ο
5. Α=100%;Β=0%

Ιf yου mαrΚed 1 οr 2, yΟυ αre ίn α stαte οf nοn-αcCeρtαnCe; 4 οr 5, yου hανe


trαίned yουrSelf Well; 3 ίs SοmeWhere ίn betWeen.
214 Τraίn γουr Βraίn.„.Εngαge Υουr Ηeαrt .... Τrαnsform γουr Lίfe

ΝοW αsΚ yουrSeΙf Whαt ραrtS οf the ναrίαbΙeS ίn thίs Sρecίfίc eχαmρΙe αre ίn
yουr CοntrοΙ:

ΤαbΙe 29.1 Ταble fοr ΕχerCίse ι

Υes ΝΟ
1. Ρreραrαtίοn fοr the ρresentαtίοn π π
2. Qυα|ίty οfyουr ρresentatίοn π π
3. Μοοd οfthe attendees Ι Ι
4. Βίαs οf the αttendees Ι Ε
5. WοrΚίng αυdίο-νίsυα| syStem π π
6. ΟυtCοme οfthe ρresentαtίοn π Ι

Τhere ίs α gοοd Chαnce yου ρrοbαbly mαrΚed Νο fοr ορtίοns 3-6. Τhe ουt-
Cοme οf yουr ρresentαtίοn deρends οn seνerα| ναrίαbΙes (ίn thίs ίnstance
frοm 3-5) thαt αre beyοnd yουr cοntrΟΙ. Ιf yου hανe nο CοntrοΙ ονer αny of
theSe then Why sweαt ονer them αnd drαίn yουr energy? Τhe energy yου
sρend ίn the generαtίοn οf αnχίety reαctίοn αnd ίts dοWnStreαm effeCts
gοes tο wαste. Οften thίs ίs the mοre dίffίcυιt ραrt tο hαndle than eνen
the οrίgίnα| ίssυe αt hαnd.

Α sΙίghtΙy dίfferent αρρrοαch Wου|d be tο deνelορ αn ίnternα| aCceρtαnCe


οf the ουtCοme. Ιt ίs reαsοnαble tο desίre α ροsίtίνe ουtCοme. ΗοWeνer,
αn οbsessίνe αttαchment to thαt ουtCοme Wί|Ι Creαte αn ίnternα| Chαοs αnd
ίmραίr yουr ρerfοrmαnce. Τοtα| αραthy tοWαrd the ουtCοme ίs nοt heαιthy
eίther. Ιnternα| αcCeρtαnCe ίs the bαιαnced mίddΙe ρath betWeen Chaos
αnd αραthy. Wίth αcCeρtαnCe yου αre αbΙe tο see the trυth. Τhe trυth ίs
thαt yΟυ hανe sοme (bυt |ίmίted) Cοntrο| ονer the ουtCοme. γουr Cοntrο| ίs
mostly Ιίmίted tο yουr ίntentίοn αnd effοrt. ναrίαbleS yΟυ Cαnnοt ίmρaCt,
ΚnοWn οr υnΚnοWn, αre best |eft α|οne αnd αcCeρted. sανe yουr energy
αnd |eανe thοse υnΚnοWns tο the element οf ChαnCe οr tο ρrονίdenCe.
|nternα| αcCeρtαnCe οf the ουtCοme οf the eνent bΙοcΚs the ίneffeCtυaΙ
ίnternα| αnχίety reαctίοn αnd α1Ι ίts αcCοmραnίmentS, thereby ίnCreαsίng
the αmουnt οf energy αναίιαbΙe tο yου tο resροnd tο the Chαιιenge.

Νοn-acceρtαnce Κeeρs υs ίn α state οf fίght Wίth ουrseΙνes


Whο wίns ίf yου ρίcΚ α fίght wίth yουrseΙf? certαίnΙy nοt yου. Α hght
wι.ίλ rΛese/fcαn neιrer' be wοn. |n medίcίne, sοme οf the mοSt dίffίcυ|t ί11-
nesses tο treαt are thοse where the bοdy reαcts αgαίnst ίtself. CanCer αnd
215
Why Αcceρtαnce?

e/'n αυtοίmmυne dίseαses αre gοοd eχαmρΙes οf Sυch condίtίοns. Αn αttemρt


tο neυtrα|ίze sυch deνίαnt CeΙΙS αιmοst αιwαys cαυses cΟΙΙαterα| dαmαge tο
the nοrmαι ceΙΙs. Ουr sοcίetα| chαι|enges are αιsο Sίmίιαr-eχternα| Wαrs
αre eαsίer tο fίght; ίnternαι WαrS αre the mοre dίffίcυιt οnes; wοrst αre the
wαrs Where οffίcers ίn the ίnternα| rαnΚs themselνes mυtαte ίntο destrυc-
tίνe enemίes.

Ιn the sαme νeίn, bαttΙe wίth αn ουtsίde egΟ ίs mυch eαsίer cοmραred tΟ
α fίght wίth yουr οwn mίnd. Ιf yου ρίcΚ α fίght wίth yουr οwn mίnd the
fίght ίs neνer ΙίκeΙy tο end. Τhe fίght gοes on υntίι οne dαy yου reαιίze
there wαs nο reαsοn tο fίght ίn the fίrst ρ|αce. γου αιwαys hαd the ορtίοn
οfnοtήghtίngthίswαrbυtjυstwerenοttυnedtοαναίπt.γουcαnsteρουt
αnytίmeαndmακeίnternαιρeαcewίththeίmρerfeCtίοns.υnfοrtυnαteΙy,
οftentίmes thίs reα|ίzαtίοn cοmeS νery Ιαte ίn ουr jουrney. ΑcceρtαnCe
fοsters ίnternαι ρeαce eαrly on desρίte the ουtsίde ίmρerfectίοns. Αcceρ-
tαnce thυs heΙρS yου reSροnd mοre effectίνely tο the ουtSίde ChαιιengeS.

Αcceρtance ίs a Κey ίngredίent tοwαrd haρρίness


We often SeeΚ a stαte οf Ιastίng ρeace, SeCυrίty αnd hαρρίneSs frοm the
WοrΙd. Whαt We dο nοt reα|ίze, howeνer, ίs thαt eνery αsρect οf the wοrld
ίs eρhemerαι, αιwαys chαngίng. Ηοw cαn the worΙd thαt ίtseΙf ίs trαnsίent
οffer somethίng thαt ίs ρermαnent? Ουr yουth, heαιth, νίgοr, Ιονed οneS,
eνen Ουr deαr Ιίfe-eνerythίng we hοΙd deαr we wί|Ι hανe tο sυrrender
οne dαy. WοrΙd jυst Cαnnοt gυαrantee Sυstαίned jοy. Deρendίng on the
WοrΙd fοr Ιαstίng ίnner ρeαce ίs ΙίκeΙy tο be αn eχercίse ίn fυtίιίty. Τryίng
tο hοΙd the wοrΙd ίn hαnds ίs Ιίκe tryίng tο cαtch emρty fοg-ίn the end
yΟυrhαndsαreΙίκeΙytοbeemρty.ΟrdrαwίngαΙονeΙyραίntίngonΠΟwίng
Water. Τhe streαm wί|Ι cαrry ίt αwαy. Αcceρtαnce (bοth ίn terms οf αbίιίty
to see the reαιίty, αcceρt ίmρerfectίοnS, seeΚίng trυth, αnd wίι|ίngness tο
engαge wίth the υndeSίrαble) helρs υs dίscίριίne ουr eχρeCtαtίοns, αnd
gυίdesυstοseeΚgreαterjοyfrοmwίthίn.ΑCceρtanCehelρsυsseeΚtrυe
gaίn, οne that Cαnnοt be Ιοst.
Ενen ρhenomenαι sυccess ίn αn endeανοr mαy not brίng hαρρίness υn-
tίι we trυιy αcceρt ουr sυccess. Let υs ΙοοΚ αt αn eχαmρ|e. Ιmαgίne yου
receίνe an e-mαίι thαt yου hανe receίνed α Sυrρrίse ρrοmotίοn αnd α ραy
rαίse. Τhe seqυence of the ρhαses οf reαctίοns mίght fΙοw sοmethίng Ιίκe
thίs (Fίgυre 29.2):
Ιγes
Α. Νοn-αcceρtanCe -the ίnίtίaΙ reaCtίοn mαy be α feelίng οf αnχίουs dίs-
hght belίef. Υου may try to CrοSS-Cοnήrm οr beΙίeνe that thίs ίs Sοme Sοrt οf
LJ [t ίll-
α ρrαctίcα| jοΚe. Τhe υncertαίnty ίn thίs ρerίοd Κeeρs yΟυ αnχίουs αnd
•r and
ρreνentS yου frοm CeΙebrαtίng the haρΡy eνent.
216 Τrαίn γουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge Υουr Ηeart .... Τrαnsfοrm γουr Lίfe

Β. Αcceρtαnce -eνentυαιιy ίnίtία| dίsbelίef gίνes Way tο α brίef ρerίοd οf


αcceρtαnce. Τhe mοment yου αcCeρt, hαρρίness sρrίngs fοrth frοm ίn-
sίde yου. Τhίs stαte, hοWeνer, often tends tο be trαnsίent αnd ίs sοοn
fοΙΙοwed by the neχt ρhαse, that οf αnχίetment.

C.Αnχίetment-thecοmbίnαtίοnοfanχίetyαndeχcίtementCοmesagαίn,
thίs tίme frοm seνerαι υnαnswered, ροssίbly ρresentΙy υnαnswerαbΙe
qυestίοns sυch αs: Wί|Ι I be αbΙe tο meet the eχρectαtίοnS of the new
ροsίtίοn? Whαt ίf they fίnd ουt Ι αm nοt αs gΟοd αs they thίnΚ? Wί|| I
getα|οngwίththeneWstαfΡWhαtαbουtWοrΚ-ΙίfebαιαnCe?Αndmαny
mοre. Ιn thίs stαte, yΟυ mαy αgαίn reνert bacΚ tο nοn-αcceρtαnCe. Εχ-
ραnsjonοfmοstρΙeαsυreshίdetherίsΚοfίnCreαsίngtheΖοneοfροten-
tίαι dίsρΙeαsυre.

Οne more reαsοn Why sυccess αnd hαρρίness dο not αιwαys trανeΙ tο-
gether ίs becαυse οf ουr tendency tο dίscΟυnt fυtυre eνents. |f We hανe
αιreadymentαιιycelebrαtedαfυtυrehαρρyeνent,thenwhenthαtfυtυre
trαnsρίres ίn the ρresent k tends nοt tο be αs ρΙeasίng. Υου mαy hανe
nοtίcedthαtοftenαntίcίραtίοncαυsesmοregοοsebυmρSthαntheαctυαι
eνent. Τhere ίs α gοοd neυrο|οgίcαι bαsίs fοr thίs sίnCe sυch αntίcίραtίοn
reΙeαses mοre dοραmίne ίn the rewαrd αreα οf the brαίn thαn the αctυαι
eχρerίenCe.

Ιnsteαd οf α ρrοmοtίοn αnd ραy rαίse, yου Cαn chαnge the sρecίήc eχαm-
ρΙetοαnyeνentthαtsυίtsyΟυrsίtυαtίοne.g.ΙeαrnίngαbουtαneWρreg-
nαncy,αfterbeίngtοΙdthαtyουrcαnCerίsίnremίssίοn,beίngρrοροsedby
the Ρersοn yου |ονe etC.

ρhαse Reαctίοn F 1.
ee ΙngΑnχίουs

Α. ΝΟn-αcceρtanCeΒ.Α{ceρtance cαn't beΙίeνe ίt

'*CοnCernedthαt hegαίns

c. Αnχίetment Αnχίουs
mίght be ΙΟst

Fίgυre 29.2 seqυence οf ίnstίnctίνe reαctίοns ίn resροnse tο hαρρy neWs

Ουr mοments οf hαρρίness thυs become Ιίmίted οnΙy tο the ρreCίουs


smαπWίndοwwhenweareίnαcceρtance.Τhίsseqυenceίsοneοftheρrί-
Why ΑcceρtαnCe? 217

f ρerίοd Οf mαry reαsοns we οften Cαnnοt eαsίιy αcCess οr sυstαίn jοy. Ενen ίf α1Ι the
th frΟm ίn- ίndίνίdυal ρίeceS neCeSsαry fοr hαρρίneSS eχίst, they dο nοt sοmehοw Cre-
nd ίs sΟοn ate α Cοhesίνe whο|e. Τhe essentία| gΙυe tο creαte thαt Cοhesίνe Whο|e ίs
the feelίng οf αcCeρtαnCe. Βy ίnνίtίng ίnner αcCeρtαnCe eαrly οn αnd Κeeρ-
ίngίtfοrα|οngertίmeWeαreΙίκeΙytοίnCreαsethetίmeWefeeΙhαρρyαnd
meS αgαίn, Saνοr ουr gοοd fοrtυne (Fίgυre 29.3).
Ιnswerable
Οf the neW
hίnΚ? Wίιι Ι
ρhase Reactίοn FeeΙίng

Αnd many Α. ΝΟn-αcCeΡtαnce cαn't belίeνe ίt Αnχίουs


)tanCe. Εχ-
Β. Αcceρtαnce ele
e Οf ρΟten-

ιιιιιι-
5 traνel tΟ-
Ιf We haνe Fίgυre 29.3 Seqυence οf mοre αdαρtίνe reαctίοns ίn reSροnSe
that fυtυre tΟ haΡΡy neWs. Wίth traίnίng, nοn αcCeρtαnCe Ιαsts
may hανe fοr a shοrter tίme brίngίng yου greαterjοy.
' the actυal
ntίcίραtίοn ΑCceρtαnCe dοes nοt meαn yου Wί|Ι nοt CοnSίder the ροssίbί|ίty thαt yουr
the αctυal resροnsίbί|ίtίes αre ΙίκeΙy tο ίncreαse wίth the jοb ρrοmοtίοn αnd yουr Cα-
ραbί|ίtίes αre |ίκely tο be tested wίth greαter rίgοr. Υου certαίnly wί||. Βυt
αs yου CeΙebrαte thίs mοment, yου dο nοt αι|οW thίs thουght tο Cοntαmί-
Cίfίc eχαm- nαte yουrjοy and αre temροrarίιy Wί||ίng tο ροstροne the relαted CοnCern.
neW ρre9- Αnd when yου reνίsίt thίs Cοncern yου αιsο Κeeρ ίn mίnd thαt j.υst as yου
•ορΟSed by
haνe rίsen tο chalΙenges ίn the ραst, yΟυ Wίιι rίse αgαίn thίs tίme, mαy be
Wίth Some αddίtίοnαι trαίnίng αnd sυρροrt,

Τhίngs tend tο be eνen mοre Chαιιengίng ίn the nοt-sο-ροSίtίνe


mοments. Τhese mοments οften stαrt αn eχhαυstίng αnd resουrCe-
ίntensίνe ίnternα| dίalοg. Τhe Cοntent οf thίs dίαιοg οften hαs tWο dί-
rectίοnS: 1) Τοward self -reνίeWίng hοw thίs fαί|υre mίght negαtίνely
αffeCt υs; αnd 2) Τοwαrd οtherS - ΙοοΚίng αt hοw they mίght hανe
caυsed υs tο fαί|. Ουr mίnd tends tο eχαggerαte bοth the CοmροnentS
of thίs dίalοg. Fοr the tίme We are ΙοCκed ίn these thουghts We Stαy ίn
nοn-acceρtance (Fίgυre 29.4). Fίnα||y eχhαυsted, αt Sοme ροίnt We αc-
Ceρt the reaΙίty. Τhe mοment We αcCeρt the eνent, eνen thουgh mίred
Wίth all the ρrοblemS, mαgίcαιιy αn οαsίs οf ρeαce mαnίfestS. ReseαrCh
stυdίeS SυggeSt thαt resοΙυtίοn οf grίef C|οSeΙy Cοίncίdes Wίth the αc-
CeρtαnCe οf reαιίty. Τhίs ρeαce frees υρ yουr energy αnd ρrονίdes α
ρρy news
mοre StabΙe ρ|atfοrm fοr yου tο ρ|αn the neχt αdαρtίνe steρS tο trαn-
• ρreCίουs scend the mίsfΟrtυne.
οf the ρrί-
Τrαίn Υουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeαrt .... Τransfοrm Υουr Lίfe

ρhase Reactίοn Feelίng

Νοn-αcCeρtαnCe Can't belίeνe ίt DenίaΙ, Αnger, Αnχίουs,


mα|αdαρtίνe reSροnse

-.
Αcce ta {e ίχ
* Ι

5Ξ§

Fίgυre 29.4 seqυenCe οf ίnstίnctίνe reαctίοns


ίn resροnse tο υnfανοrαbΙe neWs

γουr αbί|ίty tο resροnd tο α ChaΙ|engίng eνent thυs deρends οn yουr abίι-


ίty tο see the reαιίty αnd αcceρt ίt fοr What ίt reρresents. ΟnΙy then Cαn
yου resροnd effeCtίνely αnd α|so feel sοme ρeαce ίn the mίdst οf the ChaΙ-
|enge. When 1 see ραtίents wίth Chαιιengίng dίαgnοSes ίn the CΙίnίc, Ι οf-
ten αsΚ thίs qυestίοn, "Ηανe yου αcCeρted yουr dίαgnοsίs?'' Τhe resροnse
tο thίs qυestίοn strαtίήes ραtίents ίntο tWο grουρs. Ρatίents Whο hανe
aCceρted the dίαgnοsίs are abΙe tο brίng abουt a mυch mοre adαρtίνe
CΟρίng resροnse Cοmραred tο ραtίents Whο αre ίn nοn-aCceρtanCe. Νοn-
αcCeρtαnCe Κeeρs the fίre οf resentment, anger and frυstratίοn smο|der-
ίng. Τhίs f re ίs energy ίntensίνe αnd redίreCts attentίοnal resουrces aWαy
frΟm υsefυ, effΟrt.

Ρeαce αnd hαρρίness thυs greαtΙy deρend οn yουr reaCtίοn tο the eνents
οf yουr Ιίνes; hοW qυίcΚΙy yου αre αble tο αcCeρt them αnd then resροnd
tο the reαιίty. Τhe αctυα| eνent-Whether ίt ίs gοοd οr bαd-ίs ίmροrtant.
Ηοweνer, of eqυαι ίmροrtαnCe, ίf nοt greαter, ίs the ef6CίenCy Wίth Whίch
yου Cαn ίnίtίαte α mαtυre resροnse. Βίο|οgίcαιιy thίs effίcίenCy mίght de-
ρend οn hοW sWίftΙy yου αre αble tο engαge the hίgher Center οf yουr
brαίn,yουrρre-frοntαιCοrteχ.Υουrαbί|ίtytοqυίcΚΙyengαgeyουrρrefrοn-
tα| Cοrteχ Cαn be enhαnCed by trαίnίng.

Αcceρtίngοthersαstheyareίsthemοsteffίcίentaρρrοach
tο brίng abουt α change ίn them
Τhere ίs α gοοd ChαnCe yου αre sυrrουnded by ρeορ|e yου wίsh Were a bίt
dίfferent. Υουr sρουse οr frίends ρrοbαbΙy αre nοt the same αs they Were
When yου fίrst met them. Υουr οΙder ραrents mίght be Chαngίng αnd get-
tίng mοre stυbbοrn. Υουr Chί|dren mαy nοt αιwαys behaνe |ίκe the gentΙe
αngeΙs yου Wίsh them tο be. Υουr emρ|οyees, Cο||eagυes οr sυρerνίsοrs
may nοt be αs Πeχίble and αccοmmοdatίng αs they seemed tο be at the
219
Why Αcceρtα nce?

fίrst ίmρressίοn. Α |αrge ραrt οf yουr energy mαy be Sρent ίn efforts to


brίngα1Ιthese"otherS"tοamοredesίrabΙestαte-mοStΙywίthΟυtSυccess.
Ιfαnyοfthίsαρρ|ίestοyου,ρΙeαsebecοmfοrtedthαtyουαrenοtαιοne.

Ραπ οf yουr υnhαρρίness certαίnΙy cοmes from the fαct thαt the ΡeΟρΙe
αrουnd yου hανe ίmρerfeCtίοns (jυst αs yου hανe). Βυt the greαter ραrt
ofυnhαρρίnesscοmeSfrοmyουrdeSίretοcοntrοΙαndchαngethemαnd
frυstrαtίοn αt yουr ίnαbί|ίty tο dο sο. Τhe mοre yΟυ try tο chαnge them,
thegreαterwί||beyουrαssαυιtοnthehegοαndthe|eSsΙίκeΙytheyαretο
chαnge. Τhe οne ρerSοn whο ρredίctαbΙy |ίstens to yου αnd wίι| be mοst
wί||ίngtοchαngeαtyουrsυggestίοnίsyου.Τryίngtοchαngeothersίsαn
ίnsυrmουntαbΙetαsΚαndοnefraυghtwίthαhίghrίsΚοffαί|υreοrdίstαnc-

Ουr abίι-
ίngyΟυrseΙffrοmyουrΙονedοneS.Τhemοsteffίcίentwαyyουcαnchαnge
οthers ίs by Chαngίng yουrSeΙf.
:hen Cαn
[he Chαι-
ΤheΚeytοορenthedοοrfοrchαngeίnotherSίswίththem,nοtyου.ΟnΙy
ίnίc, Ι Οf-
'esρΟnse theycαnορenthαtdοοr,οncetheyαrewί|Ιίng.ΤheyαreΙίκelytοbemore
wίιιίng on α dαy they feeΙ gΟοd αbουt themseΙνes. Τhey Wί|Ι αιsο |ίsten
hΟ haνe to yου more Ορenly ίf they ρerceίνe yΟυr υncοndίtίοnαι Wαrmth tοWαrd
adaρtίνe them.WhαtdoyουthίnΚίsthefίrStSteρtοenhαncetheίrseΙfeSteemαnd
=e. ΝΟn- Shοw them yουr wαrmth? ΑCceρf rhem α5 they αre.
smοΙder-
c!€S ί3:Wψ
Τhe three dίαmeters οf cοntrο|, ίnfΙυence, and ΙacΚ οf
cοntrΟI
\e eνents FrΟm the Ρersρectίνe οf CοntrοΙ, there αre three aSρeCtS tο yουr Ιίfe: Cοn-
• reSροnd
trΟΙΙabΙe;wίthίnίnflυenCeαndbeyοndcοntrο|.Τhereαremαnythίngsdef-
nρΟrtαnt. ίnίtely ίn yουr cοntrοΙ. ΤheSe ίncΙυde sίmρΙe thίngS Ιίκe gettίng α drίρρίng
ίth Whίch
faυcet fίχed; Cιearίng e-maί| ίnbοχ; ρυttίng ίn a sραm fίιter; οr ρrοροsίng tο
nίght de-
the ρersοn yου |ονe. Βυt mαny thίngS yου hανe nο cοntrol ονer. Υου cαn-
ir Οf yΟυr
nοt tοtαιιy ρreνent faυcets frοm agίng and begίnnίng tο |eακ. γου Cαnnοt
r ρrefrοn-
ρreνent ρeορΙe from αttemρtίng tο Send yου sραm. γου mίght chαrm-
ίngΙy ρrοροse, bυt there ίs nο way tο ΚnοW ίf yουr οffer Wίιι be αcCeρted.
Α thίrd, someWhat hαΖίer Comραrtment ίnCΙυdes αsρects thαt αre Wίthίn
ρrΟach yουr ίnfΙυenCe. Τhίs mίght ίnC|υde fοr eχαmρΙe yουr chίιdren's behανίοr,
yουr sρουse's mοοd, the αmουnt αnd tyρe οf fοοd yου eαt etC. Reα|ίΖe
„ere a bίt that sοme οf the mοst ίmροrtant aSρeCts οf yουr Ιίfe sυch αs the chοίce οf
hey Were yουr ρarentS, Cουntry οf yουr bίrth οr yουr rαce yου hανe nο ίnflυenCe οr
CοntrΟΙ Ονer.
Ι and 9et-
he gentle Μαίntaίnίng a fleχίbΙe dίsροsίtίοn tοWαrd the CοntrοΙΙαbΙe αsρeCts οf
•ρerνίsΟrS
yουr Ιίfe, wίseΙy eχerCίsίng yουr ορtίοns tοwαrd elementS Wίthίn yουr
be at the
220 Τrαίn γουr Βrαίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeαrt .... Τrαnsfοrm γουr Lίfe

ίnflυenCe, αnd |ettίng gο οf the υnCοntrο||αble mίght be the ορtίmαι


aρρrοαch tο hαndle the three Cοmραrtments οf yουr |ίfe. Cοntrο|Ιίng the
υnCοntrο||αble tακes αwαy energy frοm cοntrοΙΙίng the Cοntrο||αbΙe.

Rίgίdίty ίs α Sίgn οf ί11 heα|th Whίιe fΙeχίbίιίty ίs α sίgn οf heα|th αnd WeΙ|-
beίng. ΑνοίdαnCe ίs α|sο generαιιy α sίgn οf ί1Ι heα|th Whί|e αρρrοαch ίs a
sίgn οf WeΙ|-beίng. ΑcceρtαnCe Cοnnοtes fleχίbί|ίty αnd αρρrοαch rαther
than r.ιg.ιd.ιty αnd ανο.ιdanCe. Πryίng tο cοntrοΙ the υncοntrοΙΙαbΙe αnd
ρΥedίcttheυnρΥedίctαbΙecοntrίbυtessίgnίhcαntΙytοwαΥdυnhαρρίness
αnd ίs wαstefυι οf tίme αnd eneΥgy.

ΡίcΚίng α fίght Wίth υnρ|eαsαnt weαther ίs α wαste οf tίme. Ιf ίt snοws, |et


ίt be. Τhe wίnter wί|| οnΙy Ιαst sο |οng. Sυmmer ίs Sυre tο fο||οW. Τhίs hαs
been the rυιe fοr as |οng αs we Cαn remember αnd Wί|| nοt Chαnge. We
stίιι fίght Wίth the seαsοns. |f wίnter ίs here sο be ίt. Τhe seαsοns refleCt
the Creαtίνe WοrΚίngs οf Μοther Ναtυre. WeΙCοme αι1 οf them j.υst αs they
αre. Dο yου hανe α ChΟίce?

Lίfe ίs nοt α metίcυ|ουs ρre-ρ|αnned SCίentίfίc eχρerίment Wίth α ρre-


defίned eχρeCted ΟυtCοme. Μοst οf Whαt hαρρens ίn the fυtυre Cαnnοt
be ρredίcted. |t ίs better tο fίnd the fυtυre"ίnterestίng''αnd '`nονel,''fοr thαt
ίs Whαt ίt ίs. Αny οther αdjectίνeS tο the fυtυre αre |ίκely tο be ίmρreCίse
sίnCe shοrt οf tίme trανeΙ yου Wί|| neνer Κnοw hοW ίt Wί|| tυrn ουt tο be.
Ιt Wίιι Ιίκely be better than Whαt yου feαr αnd nοt αs eχCίtίng αs yου hορe.

Ενery dαy brίngs α dίfferent Set οf eχρerίenCes. |n generα| we feel hαρ-


ρίer οn dαys when the Chα|Ιenges We fαce fα|| Wίthίn the dοmαίns οf Ουr
|ίfe thαt αre ίn ουr CοntrοΙ. Ηοweνer, ίf tοdαy ίs the dαy When yουr Chα|-
|enges mοStly οcCυρy the υncοntrο||αble Cοmραrtment, ίnsteαd οf αnger
οr dejeCtίοn, try to fΙnd αn ορροrtυnίty ίn ίt. ΜοSt sυch dαys Wί|| fίnα||y
be ονer. Βy αcCeρtίng the υnρ|eαsαnt eχρerίence, tryίng tο ήnd meαnίng
ίn ίt αnd ανοίdίng α fίght wίth the self, yΟυ αre mοre ΙίκeΙy tο ρerserνe
yΟυr sαnίty αnd be mοre ρresent fοr the dαys when yουr eχρerίences αre
mοstΙy wίthίn the Cοntrο||αbΙe dοmαίn. Wίthουt trυe αcCeρtαnCe, yου
Wίι| Cοntίnυe tο try αnd stορ αn οnCοmίng trαίn rαther thαn jοίnίng ίt.
ΟnΙy αfter yου jο.ιn cαn yου chαnge the dίΥectίοn οf the trαίn-.ιf thαt ίs
whαt yΟυ desίre.

Αcceρtance αιιοws yου tο Ιeαrn frοm fαίιυres and tυrn them


arουnd ίntο sυccess
Lίfe Wίι| α|Wαys bleSS yου Wίth fαίιυreS. WοrΙd ίs not α|WayS gοίng tο be
fαίr. Ιneqυα|ίty ίs the νery bαsίs οf Creαtίοn. Τhe ίmροrtαnt ροίnt ίs hοW
Why ΑCceρtanCe? 221

Ορtίmal yου tαcΚ|e yουr fαίιυres tο trαnSfοrm them ίntο sυcceSs. |n the mίdst οf
IIίng the ρ|αnnίng αnd tακίng αctίοns ίt mίght helρ tο ίnternα||y αcceρt that sοme
)Ιe. οf yουr ρ|αns Wί|| nοt mαterία|ίΖe αnd αctίοns Wί|| nοt beαr frυίt. Ιn fαct,
sοmetίmes ίt trυιy ίs α bΙessίng that yουr ρ|αns dίd nοt mαterίαιίze. Υου
nd Well-
mίght οnly Cοme tο ΚnoW yeαrs |αter whαt αn ορροrtυnίty ίt Wαs When
)αch ίs a
sοmethίng yου desρerαtely Wαnted tο αchίeνe eΙυded yου.
h rαther
bΙe αnd Fαί|υre ίs α|wαys ραίnfυ|. Fαί|υre, hοweνer, ίs mυch needed αnd the Sοοner
ρρίness ίt hαρρenS, the hίgher yου αre ΙίκeΙy tο gο. Wίthίn fαίιυre αre hίdden the
gο|den |essοns tο helρ yου |eαrn and grοW. |n fαct οne οf the ίmροrtαnt
αttrίbυtes of mαny sυcCessfυι entreρreneυrs ίs theίr eαrΙy eχρerίenCe οf
ΟWs, Ιet
faίι|υre. Αbίιίty tο tυrn α fαίιυre ίntο ορροrtυnίty αnd αdναncίng nοt οnΙy
Γhίs has
desρίte fαίιυΥes bυt sοmetίmes becαυse οf fαίιυΥes ίs α hαιιmαrΚ οf Υe-
9e. We s;/ι.ence. Resί|ίence ίs αn αbί|ίty tο Ιeαrn frοm αnd grοw wίth eαch chαnge
; refΙeCt
αnd chα||enge. Resί|ίenCe deρends οn a heαιthy αnd mαtυre strαtegy tο-
αs they Wαrd handlίng fαίιυre. Αn eSsentία| ίngredίent ίn thίs αρρrοαch ίs αn αt-
tίtυde οf αcCeρtαnCe. Wίth αcCeρtαnCe, the mοre yου get dίsrυρted, the
1 α ρre- greαter yΟυr Ιeαrnίng αnd the hίgher yου gο.2Ο6
CannΟt
Α|eχαnder Flemίng's seαrCh fοr αn αntί-bαcterία| αgent hαd α sρeCία| meαn-
fΟrthat
ίng sίnce he hαd Wίtnessed the deαth οf mαny sοΙdίers frοm serίουs ίnfec-
ρreCίse tίοns αs α resυ|t οf wαr wΟυnds.2°7 FΙemίng οnCe nοtίced thαt hίs Cυ|tυre
t tο be. dίshes were cοntαmίnαted wίth α fυngυs. Ηe fίrst dίscαrded them, bυt
J hορe.
οn retrίeνα| Wαs ίntrίgυed by α zοne αrουnd α ρartίcυιαr fυngυs Whereίn
eΙ haρ- the bαcterία jυst cου|d not grοW. |nsteαd οf frettίng αbουt hίs ίnαbί|ίty tο
5 Οf Ουr grοw the bαcterία, he Wαs ίntrίgυed by thίs οbserναtίοn. Ηe eχρΙοred thίs
Jr Chal- fυrther, αnd thίs eχρΙοrαtίοn Ιed tο the dίsCονery οf ρenίcί||ίn, αn αntίbίοtίc
fαnger thαt hαs sανed hυndreds οf mί||ίοnS οf ΙίνeS. Flemίng retαίned hίs hυmί|-
1 fίnαιly
ίty desρίte hανίng trαnsfοrmed medίcίne. Ηe Cαιιed α11 the αttentίοn he
eanίn9 reCeίνed the "FΙemίng Μyth" αnd αctυαιιy gανe greαter Credίt tο hίs CοΙ-
Ξrserνe ΙeαgυeS Εrnst Chαίn and ΗοWαrd F|οrey whο dίιίgently wοrΚed tο cοnνert
ces are hίs fίndίng ίntο α υsefυι drυg. Flemίng Wαs sυre |υcΚy fοr thίs `'Cοntαmί-

:e, yΟυ natίοn." Βυt the οther SΚίιι thαt helρed hίm Wαs αcCeρtαnCe. Ηe cου|d
lίn9 ίt. hανe eαsί|y rej.ected hίs ίnαbί|ίty tο Cυ|tυre the bαcterία, gοt frυstrαted, αnd
' thαt ίs mονed οn. Βυt trυe sCίentίst thαt he Wαs, he αcCeρted the reα|ίty αnd trίed
tο ΙοοΚ behίnd ίt tο υnderstαnd the nαtυre οf the meChαnίsm.

Ηαns selye, the scίentίst Whο descrίbed the stress resροnse, αιsο αchίeνed
them fαme beCαυse οf hίs αbίιίty tο tυrn αn υnρredίcted ουtCοme ίntο α ροW-
erfυ| generα|ίΖαtίοn.2Ο8, 2og Se|ye, α cαnαdίαn endοcrίnο|οgίst, Wαs Con-

Ι tο be dυctίng αn eχρerίment ίn Whίch he ίnjeCted mίce Wίth eχtrαcts οf ναrίουs


ίs hΟw οrgαns. Ηe wαs ίnίtίαι|y eχCίted thαt he hαd dίscονered α new hοrmοne
222 Τrαίn Υουr Βrαίn .... Εngage γουr Ηeαrt .... ΤranSfοrm Υουr Lίfe

ίn thίs eχρerίment. Ηe, hοWeνer, nοtίced thαt eνery ίrrίtαtίng sυbstαnce


ρrοdυced the sαme resροnse (stοmαch υιcers, sWο||en αdrenαιs, αnd
shrυnΚen thymυs). Ιnsteαd οf rej.ectίng hίs οbserνatίοns αnd mΟνίng on
tο cοntίnυe tο seαrch for the hοrmοne, he ίnterρreted αιι the dαtα αnd
cαme tο the conclυsίοn thαt the chαnges he sαw ΙίκeΙy reρresented α ge-
nerίc resροnse οf mοst αnίmαιs ίn resροnse tο the effects οf a nΟχίουs
αgent. Ηe cαι|ed thίs α stress resροnse, α term We nοW υnderstαnd νery
well. Reαchίng thίs deeρ ίnsίght crίtίcαιιy deρended οn hίs αbίιίty tο re-
mονe hίs οwn bίαs, αcceρt hίs οbserναtίοns for whαt they Were, αnd WοrΚ
Wίth them tο cοme tο α meαnίngfυ| ίnterρretαtίοn.

Αcceρtαnce αs α behaνίοraΙ attrίbυte hαs been reseαrched


ίn seνerαι stυdίes wίth cοnsίstentΙy benefcίal resυιts
ΒelοwΙsυmmαrίzesοmeοfthereseαrChήndίngsthαtshοWthebenefίtοf
αcceρtαnce fοr α nυmber οf Cοndίtίοns. cυιtίναtίng αn αttίtυde οf αcceρ-
tαnce cοnstίtυtes the cοre οf αcceρtαnce αnd cοmmίtment therαρy (ΑCΤ)
deνeΙορed by Dr. Steνen C. Ηαyes αt the υnίνersίty οf Renο, Νeναdα. ΑCΤ
hαs been tested ίn seνerα| cΙίnίcα| trία|s wίth encουrαgίng resυιts.2ιο-2n
Why ΑCceρtαnCe? 223

υbstαnCe • Νοn-αcceρtαnce οf ρaίn by οthers Wαs nοted tο be α bαrrίertο-


1als, αnd
Ward ΡatίentS'αbί|ίty tΟ αcCeρt theίr οWn ρaίn.218
Ονίng Οn
CIαtα and • |n a stυdy ίnνοΜng 378 ρsyChοΙοgy stυdents, αcCeρtanCe οfthe
[ed a 9e-
ρresent mοment αnd ίts Cοntents αnd nοn-jυdgment of eχρerί-
nΟχίουs enCes Wαs assΟcίated wίth Ιοwer rίsΚ οf ΡΤSD.2Τ9
and νery
ίty tΟ re- • Ιn α rαndοmίΖed stυdy ίnνοινίng tWenty-οne ραtίentsWίth Chrοn-
Ind wοrκ ίc ραίn αnd whίρ|aSh-αssοcίαted dίsοrders, aCceρtαnCe-bαsed
strategy sίgnίήcantly ίmρrονed ραίn dίsabί|ίty, |ίfe Sαtίsfαctίοn,
feαr οf mονements, deρressίοn, αnd ρSyChο|οgίcal ίnf]eχίbί|ίty
arched cοmρared tο Waίt Ιίst Cοntrο|.22° Τhίs Wαs de5ρίte the fact thαt nο
Ιs Chαnge Was οbserνed ίn ραίn ίntensίty. |mρrονement ρ€rsίsted
fοr υρ to Seνen mοnths οffοΙΙοW υρ.
eneήt Οf
f αcCeρ- • ΑCceρtαnCe οf negatίνe emοtίοns αssοCίated wίth α stressfυ| eχ-
Jy (ΑCΤ)
ρerιence Wαs αssοcίated Wίth heaΙthίer heαrt rhythm cοmραred
dα. ΑCΤ
Ι 1 0-21 2
tο rυmίnatίng οn these emοtίοnS ίn a Stυdy ίnνο|νίng eίghty-οnε
νο|υnteerS.22ι

• Ιn mαrίtα| dίsCοrd, emοtίοnα| aCceρtαnCe νersυs trαdίtίοnαι beψ


hανίοrα| Cουρ|e therαρy fοCυsίng οn chαnge shοWed α greater ίn-
creαse ίn marίtαι sαtίsfαctίοn wίth α hίgher ρεrCentage οfcουρ|€s
that ίmΡrΟνed Οr recονered.222

• |n α stυdy ίnνο|νίng Ί50 ραrtίcίραnts wίth ChrCmίc ρaίn, ρaίn αc-


CeρtanCe deCreαsed negαtίνe emοtίοns, αctίνίty engαgement
ρrοdυced αddίtίοnαι ροsίtίνe feelίngs, and a fleχίble dίsροsίtίοn
tΟ αdjυst ίndίνίdυaΙ |ίfe Style helρed Wίth α11 these ρrοCesses.223

• Ιn α rαndοmίΖed Stυdyίnνο|νίngthίrty-οne ρatίentswίth generaΙ-


ίΖed αnχίety, ίncreαsίng αcCeρtanCe οf ίnner eχρerίenceS and ac-
tίοnS ίn νaΙυed dοmαίns 5ίgnίfίcantly deCreαsed anχίety-reΙαtεd
symρtom5.224 Ενen jυst υ5ίng α seΙf heΙρ bοοΚ thαt gυίded Ραrtίcί-
ραnts ίnto greαter αcceρtαnce Was αssοCίαted wίth |οWer αnχίety
and better qυα|ίty οf Ιίfe.225

• Ιn a Stυdy ίnνο|νίng fοrty-seνen ραtίentS Wίth tίnnίtυs (chrοnίc


υnρ|easαnt sουndS ίn the ear), teαchίng ραrtίcίρant5 αcCeρtαnce
Cοmραred tο 5υρρressίοn |ed tο α greαter αbί|ίty οf ραrtίcίραnts
tο fοCυs οn treatment rαther thαn Cοntίnυe tο be ίnterrυρted by
thetίnnίtυs.226
224 Τraίn γουr Βraίn .... Εngαge γουr Ηeαrt .... ΤrαnSfοrm Υουr Lίfe

|nsυmmαryαcceρtαncehαsShοWnbenefίtίnthefοΙ|oWίngcοndίtίοns:

• DίαbetesCοntrΟΙ
• Cορίngαmοng sο|dίers
• CΟρίngαmοngαssaυ|tνίctίms
• DeρresSίνeSymρtΟmS
• Αnχίetysymρtοms
θ QυaΙίtyοf lίfe
• LίfeSαtίsfαctίοn
® ΜαrίjυαnαdeΡendenCe
• chrοnίcραίn
θ Μαrίtα| sαtίsfαctίοn
Θ Τίnnίtυs
ο Drυg refrαctοrySeίΖυreS
ο SΚίnρίcΚίng
θ Cοmρυιsίνehαίrρυ||ίng