BAR/BAT MITZVAH

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 Jewish Standard S-3

Twice as nice ................................................... 4

The joy doubles with twin bnei mitzvahs

Mitzvah money................................................ 6
Savvy strategies for gifts of cash

The party’s ‘oy-ver’......................................... 8

Surviving a case of post-bar mitzvah stress disorder

Tips from a teen............................................ 10

How to have an awesome bar or bat mitzvah

Mitzvah fashion............................................. 12
Great looks for the simcha

Meaningful projects...................................... 14
How to find one that fits
On cover: Ben and Ava Opper at their bnei mitzvah
at Temple Beth Rishon in Wyckoff.
PHOTO CREDIT: JOSH STRAUSS STUDIOS

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S-4 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2018 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Twice as Nice
The joy doubles with twin b’nei mitzvahs
HEIDI MAE BRATT

T
wins have a unique bond. Ask any twin. Whether
they are identical, fraternal, boy-boy, girl-girl,
boy-girl, to have grown together — even before
they entered the world — creates an extraordi-
nary tie that binds. When twins arrive, it is dou-
ble duty from the get-go. It takes at least four
arms and two of everything else — from sets of diapers to
well-baby doctor visits to tuition bills. Raising twins is a
juggling act that families only doubly blessed know. From
the beginning, parents have navigated double nursery
schools, double grade schools, double after-school activi-
ties, double friends, double parties, and sometimes, even
double trouble.
When twins turn 13 (or 12 for some girls), the happy day
arrives when they approach the threshold of young Jewish
adulthood and become a bar or bat mitzvah at the same
time — the twin bnei mitzvah.
On that day, the twin siblings step into the spotlight

JOSH STRAUSS STUDIOS

together. They split the reading of the Torah portion and
haftorah. They share the prayers as they lead the Shabbat
service. They have a joint party. They share the candle-
lighting ceremony.
But the nachas, that not quite translatable Yiddish word
for pride in their success that parents, grandparents, fam-
ily, and friends feel from their achievement, is hardly
halved. Rather, it comes in more than double, even more
than triple, doses.
“I have to say that the day of the bnei mitzvah was more
than a bit of a blur,” said Michelle Pierce, whose twins, Iris
and Isaac, celebrated at Temple Emeth in Teaneck on May
12. “But just seeing them up there, and the looks they gave
to each other through the service, is something I won’t
forget,” she said, referring to the twins’ own nonverbal
language. She said it was as if they were saying to each
CHRIS HIETIKKO PHOTOGRAPHY
The Opper family at their party. Brother Jake, father David, mother Michele, bat mitzvah Ava, and bar mitzvah Ben.
other — without actually speaking — “How are you? Okay?
No worries. I’m here for you.”
“It was just so heart warming,” said Michelle, whose
husband Edward Pierce, a scenic and lighting designer, The nachas, that not quite
was nominated recently for a Tony award for his work in
“Angels in America” on Broadway.
translatable Yiddish word for
“To have your best friend with you at this major life pride in the success of
event is wonderful,” said Michelle, whose family lives
in Teaneck.
the achievement of their
For their part, Iris and Isaac, who will be 8th graders bnei mitzvah, definitely more
at the Teaneck Community Charter School, happened
to luck out. While most twins divide the Torah portion
than doubles.
— either a plus or minus depending on whom you ask —
there were two separate Torah readings on that Shabbat, it was a double, we didn’t have to split anything up.”
Behar and Bechukotai. Therefore, each one had his and But because the pair does get along so well, Iris said, it
her own Torah portion. was a challenge to divvy up what they needed to because
“It really made it extra special and unique,” said they are so accommodating of one another. “When it
Michelle, whose children, including daughter Evelyn, 15, came to deciding who did what, ‘I would say ‘I don’t care,’
attended Temple Emeth Religious School where they were and my brother would say ‘I don’t care,’ so it was hard to
prepared for their bar and bat mitzvahs. come to a decision.”

The Pierce family at Temple Emeth in Teaneck. From
left, mother Michelle, sister Evelyn, father Edward,
bat mitzvah Iris, and bar mitzvah Isaac.
Following the service, the Pierces gathered their family
and friends at Regina’s Steakhouse & Grill in Teaneck for
a luncheon celebration. And instead of a stateside party,
the twins chose to go on a first-time family trip to Israel
this summer.
“We are really looking forward to it,” Michelle said.
Iris said the highlight of the bnei mitzvah was having the
double Torah reading, which gave her and her brother a
sense of individuality.
“We each had our own thing,” said Iris, who enjoys writ-
ing fiction and participates in Quiz Bowl at school. “Since
Isaac, who loves to code and work with electronics, said
he so enjoyed reading from the Torah, which he described
as “fun.”
At Temple Beth Rishon in Wyckoff, May was doubly
busy, as there were two temple member families that cel-
ebrated their bnei mitzvahs: Ryan and Matthew Kossak
had their bnei mitzvah on May 5, parsha Emor; and Ava
and Ben Opper celebrated their bnei mitzvah on May 19,
parsha Bamidbar.
Natalie and Andrew Kossak of Wyckoff, parents of frater-
nal twins Ryan and Matthew, 13, who attend Eisenhower

Middle School in Wyckoff, were very proud of their two
sons. Their journey to the bima started a good year ago
prior, as they began studying with the religious school
team at the temple, which includes Torah educator Judy
Ackerman, Cantor Ilan Mamber, and Rabbi Stephen Wylan.
“It was a lot of work, and the lessons were longer
because it was the two of them, but it was so nice to see
how well they were doing, and how they were becoming
men during this process,” said Natalie, who works as an
attorney. Andrew is a writer for the NBA.
Natalie described the twins as having quite different
personalities. That difference played into the theme of
the party, which took place later that Saturday at Space
in Englewood. The theme they chose was “Fire and Ice,”
which carried through from décor to party favors to the
food that was served.
Ryan, said Natalie, is sweet, but more reserved (Ice)
than his more outgoing brother (Fire). And because the
boys have such different styles, and are engaged in differ-
ent interests and activities — Matt is into baseball, soccer
and other sports; Ryan enjoys cooking, the culinary arts
and 3D printing — the theme was a fitting compromise.
Still, Natalie wondered how to handle different aspects
of the party with her twin sons. For instance, what to do
about the traditional mother-son dance?
“How were we going to do this?” she asked. Problem
was solved through creative choreography. Ryan got to
dance with mom first, followed by Matthew. And then the
JOSH STRAUSS STUDIOS
three of them danced together. Finally, Andrew joined in
for the spirited number.
“It really worked out, and it was a lot of fun,” she said.
Another question: The candles. They weren’t going to
have 26 candles (double 13), so they settled on 18 for the
candle lighting ceremony.
“It was an amazing experience to share the bar mitz-
vah with my brother,” Matt said. “It was very cool. We
both worked very hard. If one of us messed up, the other
was very positive. We leaned on each other. I think my
brother had my back.” Said Ryan, “Sometimes it was
hard, and sometimes it was easy. We had our individ-
ual roles because we split the parsha. It was good to be
united and do things together, and it was also good to
be an individual.”
Coming in on a big O-pp float to their bnei mitzvah party are Ben and Ava Opper.
When it came to the May 19th b’nei mitzvah of Ava and
Ben Opper, mother Michele Opper said, “It was so beauti-
ful. It was really special. We are so proud of them. They
were so impressive and did such a great job.”
Michele is a psychologist with a practice in Waldwick,
and their father, David, is the executive vice president of
CBRE, a commercial real estate firm in Manhattan. The
twins have a younger brother, Jake, 9. The family lives
in Ridgewood. The twins attend the Dwight-Englewood
School in Englewood.
Michele said that the personality of her twins is like
night and day. Not only are they boy and girl, but Ben is
into sports and especially passionate about the Yankees,
his all-time favorite team. Ava is mature and very social.
She is outgoing and engages in social media keeping up
with Instagram, Snapchat, and her friends.
As I watched them on the bima,
all the competition of siblings
melted away. I just saw my
beautiful children sharing
this spiritual experience.
 – Michele Opper
And like other twin siblings with different personalities
and interests, coming up with a theme for the party, which
took place at Preakness Hills Country Club in Wayne, was
no easy task, said Michele.
With the help of a party planner, and a bit of creativity,
the theme they came up with played on the family name:
Opper. It was most fitting as the Opper name is significant
in their community. The Addison M. & Elizabeth Opper
Religious School at Temple Beth Rishon is named for Ava
and Ben’s great-grandparents.
“It was challenging to try to find a compromise between
them, but we did it,” said Michele.
“O-P-P” was used as a pun in as many places as possible,
JOSH STRAUSS STUDIOS
Jewish Standard S-5
STOLEN MOMENTS
The Kossak family at their son’s bnai mitzvah at
Temple Beth Rishon in Wyckoff. From left, father,
Andrew; bar mitzvah Ryan; bar mitzvah Matt;
mother, Natalie.
such as meal stations, music options, and gift giveaways. For
instance, there was a basketball station where guests could
“pOPP a shot.” There were food stations featuring “whOP-
Pers.” There was the rap song with the lyric “You down with
OPP,” and there were shirts that were unstOPPable.
When Ava and Ben entered their party, they were guided
in by the dancers atop a float with a big O.
Said Ava about sharing the bnei mitzvah with her
brother: “It was great having someone to go through it
with. I think our biggest challenge was, because we are so
different, finding the theme. In the end, I think we both
were very happy.” said Ben, “I especially liked when we
were learning, and if one of us didn’t know something, we
could ask each other and figure it out.” said Michele, “The
best part of the bnei mitzvah was watching Ava and Ben
do it together and manage the process. As a mother, all
the fighting and competition that goes on between siblings
just melted away. I just saw my beautiful children sharing
this spiritual experience.”
Helping to get them to the bima was Cantor Ilan Mamber,
who had worked with both the Kossak and the Opper twins.
A veteran of Temple Beth Rishon, Cantor Mamber joined
the temple in June 1987. In his 31 years, the Israeli-born Can-
tor Mamber said he has trained at least a dozen sets of twins,
and one set of triplets.
“In general, the main thing is that I want to give the stu-
dents a very positive feeling, not only to learn the material
but to feel good about doing it.
“When it comes to students who are twins, what I do is I
try to find a balance and see how they relate to each other
for the best teaching technique. Sometimes students are
more competitive. Sometimes they work very well together.
So I think about whether it is best to teach them together or
individually,” Cantor Mamber said.
Then Cantor Mamber has to gauge their musical abilities.
“Sometime it is difficult to sing together so I may have to
change the key of the music. We practice to make sure that
their voices and tempo meshes.
“With both the Kossak and Opper twins we initially
started out together, and into the process, I saw them
individually because they were working on different
liturgical material and different prayers. It made sense
to focus this way.”
And in his professional opinion?
“I would say that the end product was very good for both.
They both did everything very well, and they both looked
great on the bima. The best part is with these two sets of
twins, I think that ultimately, they were there together, root-
ing for each other.”
S-6 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2018 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Mitzvah money
Savvy strategies for gifts of cash
HEIDI MAE BRATT There are financial institutions in our area that offer
plenty of youth services to help invest that mitzvah

W
hether it’s a multiple of 18 for chai (life) or a sav-
ings bond, cash is always a welcomed gift for
the bar or bat mitzvah.
A mother tells a story about her young son
who wanted to buy a toy, a toy that she said she couldn’t
buy for him.
“Just go to the bank and they’ll give you money,” the boy
said to his mother. It was then that she realized that it was
time to explain where money comes from. Parents need
to teach their children smart financial habits, and the bar
and bat mitzvah is a good time to think about how to teach
and make savvy strategies for the gifts of cash.
Money experts say it’s a great time to introduce your
child to savings vehicles that could earn interest, such
as savings bonds and certificates of deposit. Search for a
compound interest calculator online and show your child
how just $1 can grow with interest over time.
money.
For instance, Greater Alliance Federal Credit Union, a Parents need to teach their
full service financial institution for 80 years, offers youth
savings and checking accounts to help youngsters, and bar
children smart financial
and bat mitzvah young men and women, start saving with habits, and the bar and bat
no fees or minimum balance requirement.
While owning a first car may be a few years away from
mitzvah is a good time
the bar or bat mitzvah, Greater Alliance Federal Credit to think about how to teach and
Union also offers a First Time Auto Buyer Program to help
young adults buy a new a car if they don’t have any credit
make savvy strategies for the
established. gifts of cash.
“It is important to get youngsters involved in money
matters because as a financial institution it’s our mission prepared to handle bigger financial decisions through dif-
to help the younger generation become better stewards of ferent stages of life.”
managing their money,” said Sheryline Ingersoll, a market- In addition to offering various financial products, the
ing manager at Greater Alliance Federal Credit Union. “If credit union hosts lunch and learn opportunities at vari-
we can provide them with the right guidance they will be ous organizations and online webinars where anyone can

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 Jewish Standard S-7

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S-8 Jewish Standard
The party’s ‘oy’-ver
Surviving a case of post-bar mitzvah stress disorder
JUDY GRUEN
O
ur youngest son had just celebrated
his bar mitzvah, and I was recover-
ing from a case of Post-Bar Mitzvah
Stress Disorder. This is a seriously
underreported malady, yet shockingly, the
government has yet to allocate a single dol-
lar to research.
Post-Bar Mitzvah Stress Disorder (PBMSD)
usually follows a case of Pre-Bar Mitzvah
Stress Disorder, characterized by speed-
dialing your caterer several times daily until
you actually hear him chewing antacids
while you speak; zipping around frantically
on errands, leaving you only enough time
to eat large brownies in the car (perversely,
this still causes weight gain); and bursting
into tears with no warning because your
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SUMMER 2018 BAR/BAT MITZVAH
little boy is now a newly minted teen who
has the audacity to catapult into puberty
before your very eyes.
My symptoms became acute as the weeks
counted down to The Big Day. The following
diary entries explain why:
Five weeks before the bar mitzvah:
The invitations arrive, but the envelopes
won’t seal shut. Wrestling the envelope
flaps down with a hot glue gun for six
hours eventually does the trick. I fail to
pare down guest list. Like a powerful Hol-
lywood party hostess, I withhold a batch
of B-list invitees, pending the acceptance his speech at 90 miles an hour. Is it too accepted! Cannot decide about B-list. Send
rates of other guests. late to hire a speaking coach? to all anyway.
Four weeks and counting: Son is still Three weeks: Response cards arrive Two weeks: While meeting with caterer,
growing too fast to buy the suit. He prac- each day, many including checks. Son dis- son insists on a dinner menu of corn dogs
tices his Torah chanting each night, per- covers that happiness is a positive cash flow! and pasta. Fortunately, few 13-year-old boys
fecting the reading. But the boy will give An alarming 90 percent of invitees have are on the South Beach Diet. Musician nags
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 Jewish Standard S-9

me with repeat calls, urging me to hire his entire orchestra.
I repeatedly refuse, reminding him this is not a presidential
inauguration; it’s just a bar mitzvah.
One week and a half away: Son still practices speech
faster than a major league pitch. Consider speech printouts
on each seat?
Seven days away! Musician, magician, and caterer all
need deposits. Consider asking son for loan.
Six days: Should I get a new dress? I had planned to lose
10 pounds for the occasion, but failed to take necessary
actions. Decide to wear ivory colored spring suit, which still
fits. The fraud detection department of my credit card com-
pany calls to warn me of an unusual amount of activity on
my account.
Five days: Must get son’s suit now. Even if he grows
another two inches this week, it will still fit. Son finds all for-
mal shirts in the store too scratchy. I snag a hand-me-down
most people to hear. Sometimes, nagging pays off! In his
speech, he thanks his father for taking him to Dodger games;
me for correcting his grammar. He is in his glory, and I am in
mine, even if my dress is too tight.
Four days later: The party goes smoothly. Some com-
puter glitches make the music intermittent, and the silences
are hard to explain. Several people wander into the hall, fill
plates with food, and leave. I have never seen these people
before in my life. The desserts are a big hit, especially the
brownies. I could have told them that. Keys still MIA.
Five days later: My son’s 15 minutes of fame are over,
and he is returning to life as a mere mortal. And each day,
he continues his deployment into manhood, standing a little
taller, his face and body becoming ever thinner. The next
time I see his chubby cheeks, they’ll be on my grandchil-
dren. I am wildly happy that he is not embarrassed to say,
“I love you, Mom.”
I am also nearly wildly happy that my keys finally turned
up — in the backyard. My symptoms of Post-Bar Mitzvah
Stress Disorder are dissipating at last. Mazal tov!
Judy Gruen is a writer and editor who specializes in humor. Her
memoir “The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love With Faith”
is available. Visit her at www.judygruen.com.

Plan Your Next Event in

shirt from the closet, worn at an older brother’s bar mitz-
vah. Finally, I save money!

our Elegant Ballroom

Four days: Try to pre-arrange seating for family din-
ner. No configuration seems likely to prevent Uncle Harold
from starting up with Cousin Norman about…what was that
fight about, anyway? Pray that Aunt Shirley takes her meds
before arrival. Stock up on my supply of migraine pills . . .
just in case.
Three days: Call everyone who hasn’t sent in response Temple Beth Rishon boasts
card. Some remind me testily that they did send them in and
I must have lost them. I lose my house keys.
a gorgeous 300 person,
Two days: Caterer calls to report he can’t get the petit
fours I had ordered, and a trucking strike on the east coast
well-appointed ballroom
may mean we can’t get the sorbet, either. Default to bakery
cookies. Photographer calls with an emergency, and she’ll
with a full-size Kosher kitchen
send her trainee instead. Will that be okay? • Our religious school program has something for
everyone: Kindergarten through grade 6 with a
b’nei mitzvah preparation program that includes
comprehensive lessons, tutoring, programming,
My son’s 15 minutes field trips, and expert teachers.
of fame are over, and he
• We have a youth group program for grades 3 though
is returning to life as 6 that draws children from surrounding towns
Beautiful Sanctuary Scenic Outdoor Patio & Lake
a mere mortal.
• Our confirmation programs afford our young
adults quality, interactive time with the Rabbi as
Elegant Neutral
each otherBallroom Holds Up To 300
Day before: I supervise floral delivery to synagogue.
Florist with heavy Italian accent assures me they will well as with to explore and deepen their
be “stupendous,” but doesn’t warn me they’re nearly
appreciation of the Jewish faith
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as big as Mount Sinai and hardly fit through the door. At
home, the phone won’t stop ringing. Everyone apolo-
gizes, since I must be so busy, but what time is the party
called for? Can they bring a niece who unexpectedly
We are an egalitarian Temple with a diverse congregation and engaging programs
flew into town? My keys have not shown up yet, and I for families from all backgrounds.
lose my spare set as well. Next move: climbing through
the window to get into the house.
For more information on renting our ballroom for your event
The Big Day: Get up early enough to put in contact please
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lenses and dress with care. While drinking a quick cup
of coffee in the kitchen, a crisis erupts! The dog rushes please contact Laura Freeman at ljfassoc@gmail.com
in from the yard, ecstatic at seeing me after an absence
of seven minutes. He leaps up to greet me, festooning
my ivory suit with muddy paw prints! I’ve got to leave
for synagogue in three minutes, but have no plan B for
another outfit. I race to my room and throw on a dark
blue suit whose jacket won’t button all the way.
Son chants his portion from the Torah beautifully. He
585 Russell Avenue, Wyckoff, NJ 07481
looks both adorable and handsome in his suit, straddling Tel: 201.891.4466 | Fax: 201.891.0508 | Education: 201.891.6074
that brief, shining moment between boyhood and man- E-mail: templeoffice@bethrishon.org | www.bethrishon.org
hood. Miraculously, he gives his speech slow enough for
S-10 Jewish Standard
Tips from a Teen
How to have an awesome bar or bat mitzvah
HANNAH ELBAUM
I
n my synagogue, each young woman
and man has an opportunity to write
their own prayer as part of their b’nei
mitzvah service. Most of my friends
spoke about health and happiness, and
their passions for soccer, drawing, or see-
ing their friends. After thanking God for my
family, I talked about becoming a madricha,
a teaching assistant in the Hebrew school,
and a member of the youth group board.
I understand that I’m a little strange in
this sense.
Usually, parents beg and nag their kids
to attend a Jewish learning class, not the
other way around — especially around the
time of bar and bat mitzvahs. As a current
freshman in college who’s done just about
every program my local Jewish community
has to offer, I know a little bit about what
works and what doesn’t in engaging kids
and teens in meaningful Jewish practice.
Here are five tips to helping you and your
child create a bar or bat mitzvah experi-
ence filled with meaning and connection.
Find a mitzvah
project with passion
At my synagogue, the b’nei mitzvah stu-
dents sign up for a project that is organized
by the adult leadership. Once a month,
groups would go ice skating with Special
Olympics participants or read with kinder-
garteners in an afterschool program. My
group made large batches of chicken soup
and decorated cards for congregants who
were experiencing joys or sorrows. It was
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mostly behind-the-scenes work, and while
I knew it was helpful, I did not feel that I
was having an impact.
Friends of mine who chose their own
mitzvah projects had a much more reward-
ing experience. By looking in their local
community for volunteering opportuni-
ties, they were able to find an opportunity
that not only benefits their community,
but also allowed them to pursue a passion
they actually care about. Your child might
need a little help in finding a great oppor-
tunity, but they should have a strong voice
in what project to do.
Practicing trope
For many American Jewish teenagers,
learning Hebrew is difficult enough, not to
mention the addition of trope, the melody
to which the Torah is chanted. Your child’s
tutor will be the best resource for how to
learn and practice, but each student is
different in their learning style and their
motivation to practice. Sometimes they
will simply need a practice chart with stick-
ers (potty training de ja vu, anyone?). But
before it becomes a point of contention,
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there are a few ways your student might
actually like learning trope.
I love color-coding and being organized.
This may seem unrelated to trope, but by
highlighting each trope family a different
color, my brain more easily understood
the patterns. For a student with a musical
ear, they can more easily rely on a record-
ing (your congregation or rabbi may be
able to help you find one). Their musical
inclination can help them to pick up the
tunes. Other students may enjoy learn-
ing the language, or have an easier time if
they also have an English translation to tell
them the meaning of each word.
It’s not just a
fashion accessory:
choosing the tallit
Finding a perfect outfit for the big day is
important, too. It should fit right, feel com-
fortable, and make your child feel confi-
dent. And of course, they’ll also need a tal-
lit. For some, the prayer shawl they wear
is one of great sentimental and familial
SEE TIPS PAGE 13
 Jewish Standard S-11

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Tips
FROM PAGE 10
value. If your child feels connected to an elder relative or
parent and wishes to wear the tallit that was theirs, that is
a wonderful choice.
If your child is like me, they will want something that
is new, with some hint of personality. Tallits and tzitzit
— the knotted fringes hanging from each corner — are
sold at many synagogue gift shops and Judaica bou-
tiques. Just make sure that throughout the process, you
hear your child’s voice. They may need a parent’s guid-
ance toward a pattern that will be appropriate through-
out their life (steer away from a skull and crossbones
design…), but the final decision must be theirs. Mine
was cream colored with small pink daisies on each end.
Simple with a touch of femininity, and it distinctly fits
with my personal style.

When the student becomes

the teacher: Writing a D’var Torah
When it came time for me to write my D’var Torah, my
tutor explained to me that this would be the part of the
service where everyone sat up a little straighter and
leaned forward to hear what I had to say. This speech is
the b’nei mitzvah student’s chance to say what is mean-
ingful to them, to explain how they personally see a con-
nection between the words of Torah and the life they are
living, thousands of years later.
I know more than a few students who simply wrote
about what they had been told the important message of
their parsha was. The best bet for ensuring your child is
able to write a good D’var Torah is to make sure they actu-
ally read their portion in English. Even if it is just a single
word, let your child find the passage that stands out the
most to them. Emor, my parsha, discusses the calendar,
and I explained about the increasing importance of setting
aside time to celebrate with family, especially as everyone
gets older and schedules get busier and busier.

Enough with the swag, already

The amount of sweatshirts, t-shirts, and sweatpants I col-
lected from bat mitzvahs is slightly ridiculous. They were
each worn for exactly one day: the Monday following the
celebration. By Tuesday, everyone seemed to put their
eyes back in and realized that the ugly and cheap made-
in-China material was already falling apart.
Aside from the unattractiveness, there is a 100 percent
chance that another kid who wasn’t invited will feel left
out at school. There are so many other options for give-
aways, if that is a choice your family makes. Picture frames
for the photo booth memories, little tchotchkes, or candy
are all great options.
Because some of my family members and friends had
severe food allergies, I handed out little bags of jelly beans
we knew would be safe for almost everyone, adorned
with stickers my mom and I made on the computer. Also,
we gave everyone little cards with the jellybean flavors
because everyone knows it’s the worst when you put one
in your mouth expecting one taste and get something
completely different.
Hopefully these tips will help you and your child find
the perfect balance for their b’nei mitzvah. Even if your
child thinks that Hebrew school sucks (let’s be honest, it
often does!) there are still ways to make their bar or bat
mitzvah a meaningful Jewish experience, as long as you’re www.thejewishstandard.com
willing to put them in the driver’s seat.
From Kveller.com, the parenting website.
S-14 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2018 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Meaningful projects
How to find one that fits
RANDI MAZZELLA lives (preparing for their bar/bat mitzvah, secular school through to the end. My younger daughter wanted to
homework, after school activities and commitments), become involved in a friend’s at home program which

P
reparing and planning for a bar or bat mitzvah is completing a mitzvah project can seem overwhelming matches volunteers with children with special needs. It
an exciting time for both the child and the whole for pre-teens and their parents. is a very rewarding volunteer opportunity, but it is also
family. Our family has gone through the pro- one that requires a time commitment beyond the bat
cess twice and is embarking on this journey for Here are six ways to make mitzvah year. I explained to my daughter that this child
the third, and last, time with my son. As a parent, it is the mitzvah project less daunting might become attached to her, and that the family would
incredible the amount of love and pride you feel watch- rely on her. It would be unfair to take on the commit-
ing your child shine at this significant milestone. Don’t think of it as a “project” ment and then stop volunteering if her life got too busy.
Along with leading a service, most temples also The idea of a mitzvah project is to be a starting point in She understood and worked with the child and his fam-
include a mitzvah project as part of this important rite a lifelong journey of tikkun olam, fixing the world. Don’t ily for two years.
of passage. My daughters had this requirement and my think of the mitzvah project as something that your child
son will also need to complete a mitzvah project. needs to “get done” or cross off the list. Instead, think of It does not have to be completed by their bar/bat
With everything else going on at this time in their the mitzvah project as the first of many ways your child mitzvah date
will continue to make the world a better place through- My older daughter’s bat mitzvah was in the fall, but we
out their life. all agreed that it was just too chaotic at that time to also
put together the charity walk. Instead, we picked a date
Pick something meaningful several months after her bat mitzvah in the late spring
Choose a project that your child is really passionate when she would have more time to devote to the proj-
The Best Selection of about. There are so many valuable ways to help the ect. She discussed the walk in her speech at the service
Talliot and world, ranging from raising money to hands-on volun- and invited everyone there to attend. Once her bat mitz-
Kippot anywhere. vah had passed, she had plenty of time and energy to
teer opportunities. Spend time discussing with your
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My older daughter’s walk started out as a small idea.
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huge undertakings to small ter never thought that this walk would wind up attract-
www.thetallislady.com · info@thetallislady.com significant gestures ing people from all over the state who had also been
impacted by this disease. We decided to make it an
of kindness. annual event, and this will be the ninth year. The money
and awareness it has raised is truly changing lives by
Cantor be something personal to them (such as volunteering funding valuable research. And it was all started by a
Barbra at an animal shelter or raising money to fight a disease 13-year-old girl.
As for my younger daughter, her one-on-one time
Lieberstein
0002441714-01.qxd 10/15/08 5:09 PM Page
that has directly impacted them or a loved one) or for
1
the community as a whole (working at a soup kitchen or spent with a child with special needs was very reward-
ing. She saw firsthand the difference she could make for
Certified Cantor with collecting clothing for a homeless shelter).
My oldest daughter decided to organize a charity walk a child and for their family by just devoting a few hours
12+ years of pulpit MAGAZINE AD
BAR & BAT MITZVAH in memory of a classmate who had passed away. Her
0002441714-01
of her time. She also found out that she really enjoyed
working with children with special needs so in high
Lessons in experience
your home friend died from complications from Spinal Muscular
school she continued to work with Friendship Circle in a
Learn to read Hebrew LIEBERSTEIN,
Atrophy (SMA), BARBRA
so we contacted an organization that
program that required less of a time commitment called
Fri, Oct 24, 2008 to her family in dealing with the dis-
had been helpful
Learn to Torah Circle. This drop-off program in Livingston allows
read Hebrew Group and1 cols,ease.
2.13Cure SMA suggested a charity walk in her friend’s
x 2.50"
memory, so that is what my daughter decided to do for teen volunteers and children with special needs to enjoy
private lessons
Process Free
her mitzvah project. a Sunday morning of baking, art, and music.
Adults in your home
Lisa Spadevecchia
My younger daughter knew she loved working with
too Parent PaperFor her mitzvah project, she chose to work
children.
Get family involved
According to Jewish law, your child is now an adult.
Cantor Barbra
Officiant at Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ceremonies, Carinewith The Friendship Circle (FCNJ) of Metrowest, located So let your child take the lead on the mitzvah project.
in Livingston. FCNJ has a wide variety of volunteer
201-818-4088 opportunities for teens who want to work with children
They will get the most out of it if they feel like it is truly
Baby Namings and Weddings their project. For your part, give guidance, support, and
___ ArtwithDirection
special needs.
Cell: 201-788-6653
Officiant for Baby Namings
_X__ Be
E-Proof
encouragement. Praise their efforts and let them know
e-mail: cantorbarbra@aol.com honest about your commitment how proud you are of them for helping to change the
Certified Cantor with 12+ years world, one mitzvah at a time.
www.cantorbarbra.com
of pulpit experience Don’t let your child take on a project that he cannot see
Kveller.com, the parenting website.

___ OK AS IS

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