Missing Mother
Handbook
How to heal childhood abandonment and rejection
with Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)
by Carna Zacharias-Miller
www.MissingMother.com
Published by Carna Zacharias-Miller, 2762 Blair Stone Ct, Tallahassee, FL 32301, USA
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 2
“The main purpose of EFT is to pave the way towards Love’s Presence
(i.e. Grace). Our physical and emotional wounds tend to distract us from this
spiritual birthright and, as EFT helps send them away, we find ourselves more
in alignment with Source.” —Gary Craig, Founder of EFT
DISCLAIMER: While EFT has produced remarkable clinical results, it must still be considered to be
in the experimental stage, and thus you must take complete responsibility for your use of it.
Further, Carna Zacharias-Miller is not a licensed health professional and offers EFT as an ordained
minister and as a personal performance coach. Do not use EFT to diagnose or treat medical or
mental conditions of any kind. Consult your health care provider or licensed therapist with any
concern you may have regarding your health or mental state.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 3
Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................ 4
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 4
Introduction
When I grew up right from the start without a mother, unwanted, isolated, kicked
from home to home, and later violently rejected by a stepmother, I thought I was the
only child in the world who felt completely unloved, desperately lonesome and
totally out of place – any place. Obviously, everybody else was growing up in a
caring, loving, supportive, happy family but me.
Well, it is part of maturing that, eventually, we shift the viewpoint from our own navel
and come to see the pain of others. Getting older, I could not help but notice that
many families that looked “normal” from the outside were not happy at all. However,
it was not until I connected with other Motherless Daughters that I realized how
similar the basic, painful emotions of women who grew up without a (caring) mother
are. I wasn’t the only one at all!
“Missing Mother Syndrome” is the expanded term that I now use to describe the
experience. Most women with missing mothers, even when they are still young,
have traveled a long journey. They look back on heartbreaking relationships, job
trouble, health problems, money worries, major challenges with their own children –
and therapies. The emotional pain is usually too strong to be ignored, and so we try
anything to get relief. I certainly had my share, and almost everything I did helped in
some way.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 5
However, it was not until I encountered EFT that I found a technique, a tool, a
therapy that really, really made a difference (I’ll explain and teach how to do EFT in
Chapter 2). For the first time, painful emotions were not just explained and
analyzed, but I felt that they actually shifted.
If you are reading this book, you may already be familiar with my website
www.missingmother.com, or have subscribed to my newsletter. Perhaps you are a
private client of mine. On the other hand, you could have learned about this
handbook by searching the web. In which case, hello and welcome! This handbook
is designed to help every woman with a missing mother. If you don’t have a clue
about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or if you have had many individual
EFT sessions with me or another practitioner, you will benefit from working with The
Missing Mother Handbook.
The Missing Mother Handbook is meant to be worked with. This means that to get
results, you actually have to apply at least some of protocols that I present. Just
reading through won’t do it. If you don’t know how to do EFT, study Chapter 2
before you start. Don’t worry! Technically, EFT is a very simple process; everyone
“gets it” very fast.
And I recommend that you keep The Missing Mother Handbook “handy” in case of
emergency, for those times when some incident, photograph, comment or memory
knocks you off your feet. You can use The Missing Mother Handbook as a
reference guide, using the techniques described here to pull yourself together
again, quickly. Just in case you do have a question, write me an e-mail:
info@missingmother.com.
I recommend that you print a copy of this book and use the “Your Comments”
spaces as a journal. That way you will have your thoughts and phrases at hand
when you start working with the EFT Protocols (Chapter 3).
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 6
Chapter 1
Is this you?
• You tend to feel lonely and depressed, especially at other people's “Happy
Family” gatherings
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 7
• You experience social stress – you either try to stay invisible, or you have a
compulsion to be in the limelight
• Any major crisis in your life, like a divorce, job loss or bereavement throws
you right back into the painful past
• There is a lot of fear, anxiety, or even guilt and shame in your life
• You believe that everybody else gets their act together – except for you
Now, let’s explore these and other symptoms of “Missing Mother Syndrome” in
detail.
When I – fairly late in life – married an American and received my green card, I was
stunned. How could a government document that has been handed to millions of
people describe me in a way that was more accurate than anything I could ever
come up with? But there it was, printed in big, bold letters: Resident Alien. Of
course, it was not a matter of my emigration to a foreign country or – in the past –
moving from town to town in my native Germany. Being a “resident alien” is a basic
feeling that I have had as long as I can think back.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 8
Feeling unsafe is a fluctuating condition. Sometimes – for example, when you fall in
love, a child is born, your pet looks at you with adoration, or the wind moves through
the trees in a certain way – you do feel safe and at home. But these moments or
phases never last. And there it is again, this inner emptiness, this disorientation, this
desperation. There is nowhere to turn, no place to rest. The sensation of an
undefined threat is sitting under your skin – familiar and unbearable at the same
time.
Contemplate:
How do you experience this condition? What are your personal feelings, beliefs, and
memories about that?
YOUR COMMENTS:
I have never met a Motherless Daughter who was not sad. Sadness is not
necessarily the same as depression. Depression is a heavy “thing” sitting on top of
you. Something is pressing or pulling you down, and there is no escape. Your heart
is a black hole. You are stuck. You don’t have the energy to move, physically or
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 9
mentally, and everything you do takes a tremendous effort. At some time it lifts, and
you feel better.
Sadness is more subtle, like grey dust, or a darkish liquid that permeates your
whole being. It is always there, tainting everything you think, feel, or do. This
sensation is so familiar to you that you often forget it is there, or that there can be
life without it. There are individual triggers that bring it to the forefront – a certain
melody from the past, a nature scene that touches your heart, or watching a little girl
interacting happily with her mother. There is a chronic feeling of loss and grief, even
if you don’t know exactly what this loss or grief is about.
In my experience, women who are depressed or sad need to access the hidden
emotion of anger, or even rage. In our society, a woman is rewarded for being a
“good girl” and people-pleaser. Nothing seems to be worse for the female gender
than being disliked by other people. But if you grew up without a mother, or with a
mother who did not want, love, and appreciate you – you are bound to be angry. It
is natural; it is inevitable. This does not mean that you should transmute into a bad,
mean person. It just means that you have to access your buried feelings of anger
and rage first, before you can heal and be your authentic self – a woman who is
whole… good and “bad” included.
Contemplate:
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 10
Loneliness
When I access the Inner Child with a client, she – or sometimes, he – is almost
always desperately lonely. This profound emotion just is when you are 3 or 4 years
old; there is no intellectual way around it. Being separated from your mother, your
father, siblings and playmates is pure hell for a little girl or boy.
When you experience deep loneliness now, it is not the adult who is feeling this. As
an adult you know that nobody is really disconnected from the world. It is just not
possible, because we are all made of the same matter and energy. Besides, you
could do something practical about it, like calling a friend. But the little child inside
you does not want to hear this. It clings to the very real experience of loneliness,
and there is nothing the smart part of you can do about it.
Of course, lonely does not always mean alone. The most intense sense of
loneliness can be experienced in a crowd of people… actually, in a crowd of happy
people or – to make it even worse – in the middle of a very happy family. They are
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 11
excruciatingly happy together, and only you are excluded. In a situation like this,
your Inner Child goes through hell.
Contemplate:
What is the specific flavor of your loneliness? What are the circumstances that
make it worse? What childhood memories come up?
YOUR COMMENTS:
Motherless Daughters don’t love – or even like – their bodies. Often, they downright
hate them. There is always something wrong with your body; it is never good
enough. The belly is too fat, the nose is too big, the skin is pimpled, the breasts too
small… the list is endless. It never stops, because if one problem is fixed by the
grace of God or the beautification industry, another one pops up.
If your mother did not love your body (you), chances are you don’t like your body
either. Let me ask this: How do you talk to your body on a regular basis? Do you tell
it that it is ugly? Do you tell it to “shut up” when it is trying to let you know how it
feels? Women are conditioned to see their bodies from the outside, in the mirror
and through the eyes of others. If your mother (father) has not told you from an
early age that you are beautiful, chances are that you firmly believe you are not.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 12
You may have abandoned your body the way you have been abandoned. Your
body is your motherless child.
And then there is this thing about “being a woman.” If you grew up without a mother
(physically or emotionally), you actually might not have a clue what that means.
Sure, biology takes over to a certain extent, so your breasts develop, you start
having your period, and boys take an interest in you. The advertising industry, for
sure, does not leave any doubt about what is considered feminine. But even if you
walk this common ground, there is always doubt, tension, anxiety and the nagging
feeling that all the other females know something about “being a woman” that you
don’t know. You will never be a member of the secret club of real women, no matter
how hard you try. You envy their relaxed certainty about something that seems to
elude you.
Usually, that leaves you with two choices. Either you try to imitate pictures of perfect
femininity and whip yourself into a shape that leaves no doubt about your gender –
at least from the outside. Or you follow the other option of walking away from all this
ridiculous feminine “stuff” because you want to be loved and appreciated,
regardless of your looks. There is nothing wrong with either way, as long as you are
completely comfortable with it. Most Motherless Daughters, however, are not. It is
always a struggle, it always hurts and it always leaves this doubt in your heart…
Contemplate:
Do you feel that you are a not a “real” woman? In what respect? What parts or
features of your body do you dislike or even hate? Note what negative thoughts or
feelings come up when you say aloud, “I am a woman!”
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 13
Abandonment
If there were a single issue that all women (and men) who grew up with a physically
or emotionally absent mother had in common, it would be the feeling of
abandonment.
As a grownup, somebody you love can be physically absent and you still feel
emotionally connected. You can live your life and, although you would prefer a
physical presence, you know that this person is “there” as an inner presence. If
somebody you love is emotionally absent, that’s quite another matter. Even their
physical presence does not help to overcome the feeling of abandonment. So,
emotional absence overrides physical absence every time. However, if they happen
at the same time – for example, when the loved one dies, or walks out on you – it is
devastating, because it triggers your childhood memories.
Babies and small children cannot distinguish between physical and emotional
absence. The mother (or a surrogate figure) is necessary for the survival of the
child, in every respect. Therefore, having somebody around who cares is the most
urgent desire a human being has from the first breath taken in this world.
A child who has been mothered appropriately will develop towards independence.
Yes, there will be phases in life when abandonment is felt deeply, but those wounds
heal. On the other hand, a child who has not been mothered, will never stop feeling
abandoned.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 14
abandonment in your life, which re-traumatizes you every time it happens. As long
as you don’t see your being unmothered as the root cause of all the relationship
dramas later in life, they are destined to be repeated time and again.
Contemplate:
YOUR COMMENTS:
Anger
Is anger one of your big challenges? If so, you are not alone. Whether it is the
simmering kind or the thundering outburst, it makes us feel bad and guilty.
I believe that everybody who has not been loved and appreciated as a child – like a
Motherless Daughter – harbors anger or even rage. Unfortunately, this anger tends
to well up when a person or a situation in our environment touches the old wound of
abandonment, dismissal, or abuse. Have you ever alienated or even lost a lover or
a friend because of one of your “totally inappropriate” angry reactions? Many of us
have.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 15
The best thing about that – We can deal with the anger (rage, jealousy, envy, spite)
in a private setting, alone or with a practitioner, and nobody has to see or hear what
a bad, bad person we are…
Contemplate:
What flavor does your anger have? Is it hot and spewing, or smoldering under the
surface? Can you access it at all? Where do you feel it in your body? Is there guilt
involved? What are the situations or people that usually trigger your anger?
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 16
Social stress
Do you admire (and envy) people who just glide through life, connecting with all
kinds of people effortlessly, always finding the appropriate words or gestures in any
social situation? They actually seem to enjoy themselves in the social arena at all
times!
Since our first, most important relationship was anything but easygoing, our position
in the world tends to have troubled, conflicted and painful aspects. Relating to other
people, in a very general sense, always reminds us subconsciously of this first
“failure” to relate. Yes, we learn and we improve. The excruciatingly shy teenager
may become a smart introvert who just doesn’t like crowds and the young woman
who has the compulsion to outshine everybody else grows into a successful
performer. But it remains an ongoing challenge to be at ease around others. Just at
ease…
There are always “issues” in social situations. Shame, anxiety, stress, pressure.
The desire to be invisible, the need to hide… a feeling of almost physical threat
emerges when you find yourself thrust into the limelight. The opposite way to
experience social stress is to shout from the rooftops that you are “here!” even if
nobody wants to know.
This type of social stress tends to lessen appreciably with age. One of the big
blessings (or even the biggest!) of aging is that you learn to relax around people. By
the age of forty or fifty, it dawns on you that it is really not that important what others
think of you. If somebody does not approve of you, or even does not like you – so
what? Life is full of people who do like and appreciate you. What a relief! So
remember – time is on your side. Nevertheless, if you are young and suffering, or
still struggling with these issues in your mature years, it is time to do something
about it.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 17
Contemplate:
What are your personal social challenges? How do you feel on a regular basis in
the company of people who are not that close to you? What situations really get to
you? What is your biggest fear?
YOUR COMMENTS:
There is crisis in everybody’s life. For one person it is a single, devastating tragedy,
like the death of a child; for another it is an ongoing ordeal such as a chronic health
problem. Often many blows are delivered over a lifetime.
Unfortunately, “the healthy way” is not the way that comes naturally to Motherless
Daughters. More often than not, women who did not grow up with a caring mother
seem never to get out of this state of crisis. There is crisis all the time, in various
degrees: painful relationship break-ups, one health problem after the other, money
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 18
trouble. There is high drama all the time, and you don’t know where to begin
extinguishing the fires. There are peaks of panic and an underlying perception of
being doomed.
Every time something markedly “bad” happens, like a divorce, bankruptcy or major
surgery, we are instantly thrown back into the deep pain of the little child who had
no means to cope with physical and emotional disaster. We feel utterly helpless,
abandoned, punished, scared to death – and we just know that there is no way out.
The intellectual mind tries to remind us that this time around it is different (we are
capable grownups, are we not?), but the little child within is not listening.
However, a major crisis can be a chance for a Motherless Daughter, too. If she
allows herself to let all these negative feelings come to the forefront, name them,
look at them, endure them without covering up – there is a big chance of healing not
just this specific crisis, but the old childhood pain as well.
Contemplate:
What major crisis are you going through right now? What feelings and beliefs are
coming up? Identify them clearly and write them down.
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 19
To have intense negative feelings is human. We all have them. It’s not just you.
When you have been abandoned, ridiculed, scared to death, and rejected by your
mother (and father), you have a right to feel that way. You have a right to feel that
way. Yet many women don’t think so. We are raised to be “good girls,” no matter
what happened to us. Put a smile on your face; be nice and helpful. If we really drift
into the forbidden territory of “bad” emotions, we are supposed to hide them or at
least be quick to forgive. Our mother said so. Our father said so. Society says so,
and religion certainly says so.
Unacknowledged feelings never die, however. They just fester and keep tainting our
lives. Poor health, not enough money and broken relationships are some of the
results. When we are real smart, we talk ourselves out of these feelings: “It
happened in the past; I want to live in the Now.” “She did the best she could.” “She
had a difficult mother, too. She was sick, it was not her fault.”
Well, all this is not wrong – but it only appeals to the reasonable grownup person
you are now. Meanwhile, the little child inside you (the Inner Child) cries in
desperation because her plight is not being heard… again.
The hurt Inner Child has to be given a voice and intense feelings like fear and
shame have to be acknowledged as existent before they can be released. EFT (see
chapter 3) is an extremely efficient method to do just that.
If you live with fear, anxiety and shame every day of your life, you need to do
something. Don’t hide it and don’t resign to it. In addition to doing EFT with clients, I
also recommend body work such as Trauma Release Exercises (TRE), cranio-
sacral therapy, massage, yoga, Reiki, Quantum Touch or acupuncture. Painful
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 20
emotions are always trapped in the body, and there are ways to work on a non-
verbal level to help release them.
Contemplate:
What are your specific fears? Where do you feel anxiety in your body? In what kind
of situations do these feelings come up? What are you ashamed of?
YOUR COMMENTS:
Feeling homesick
Do you know this constant yearning and longing for a place called “home?” It is
aimed at Mom and Dad, your family, your house, your town, your country – and yet
it is something entirely different. You feel homesick when you are away from home
– and you can be far, far away from home when you are sitting in your childhood
house surrounded by your whole family. This is because “home” is more a state of
mind than a physical environment. It is the place where you belong, where you feel
secure, wanted and happy. There is absolutely nothing you can do to lose your
home.
When you grew up without this basic feeling of belonging because your parents did
not give it to you, you will search for it the rest of your life. Many women find it in
starting their own family, holding on to close friendships, having a profession they
love and finding a religious or spiritual path that is just right for them.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 21
However, life does not run smoothly forever and, even if you are reasonably happy,
there will be times when this intense homesickness breaks through again. Also you
might not have found this safe haven in your life (yet) and, therefore, you are still
roaming the earth to find your home. This chronic homesickness is the most painful
kind.
Contemplate:
Are you homesick? Can you describe what you are longing for? Where do you feel
it in your body?
YOUR COMMENTS:
Do you need to be PERFECT, in every conceivable way, all the time? The perfect
mother, wife, daughter, co-worker, community member, neighbor (and on and on).
Many Motherless Daughters believe that they don’t have a choice. If you have not
been loved, cherished, and appreciated as a child for your mere existence, you feel
a lifelong pressure to “prove” that you are good and worthy. And so you push
yourself higher and further, often to exhaustion, in order to reach a goal that can
never be reached by effort: to be loved and accepted, unconditionally.
You might not realize what you are doing to yourself (and your family) because it is
such a common state of being for you. If others try to tell you how unnerving your
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 22
behavior is, you probably turn it into bragging (“You know, I am such a
perfectionist!”). Unfortunately, this particular character trait alienates others instead
of drawing them closer. The sad irony is that nobody likes a perfectionist, while
many do take advantage of her.
Since we live in a society that rewards striving to be perfect big time, it is difficult to
realize how self-destructive this attitude can be. Many women have to reach a total
meltdown before they even consider a change. There are many intense emotions
involved in healing the ingrained belief “I am not good enough.”
Contemplate:
Are you a perfectionist? In what areas of your life do you need to be better than
anybody else? What physical and emotional effects does this attitude have on you?
What are the reactions of your family and friends?
YOUR COMMENTS:
Money problems
Would you like to have more money in your life? Silly question – who wouldn’t?
However, for people who grew up in an unloving or even hostile environment,
money problems don’t just mean, well, a lack of money. This condition brings up a
host of feelings that are painful because they are not “just” about money. Scarcity,
want, need, deprivation, longing, never enough, unsafe, not cared for, always a
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 23
struggle. Does that sound familiar? I am sure it does, because these are the exact
emotions we connect with the lack of love, care and appreciation we felt when we
were growing up. There is the old pain, the hurt, the shame, the anger… and we are
experiencing it all over again, this time around money. On a psychological level,
money is love and, if love is “tainted,” our relationship with money will be, too.
There are two basic ways to heal your relationship with money. Once you are aware
of this money is love connection, you can make a conscious effort to separate
money from unresolved emotional issues. It can be done; it has been done. The
other option is to start healing your basic painful emotions – then money will follow.
Here is my personal and professional experience – until you have dealt with the
pain and negativity surrounding money, no amount of positive affirmations, no
“prosperity consciousness” or “live your dream” sales pitch will help. By the way, I
don’t believe that everybody is destined to be a millionaire (if you are, you’ll know).
Don’t waste time willing yourself into something that is not congruent with your soul
mission. Having more than enough and being relaxed around money issues goes a
long way.
Contemplate:
What are your general beliefs and feelings surrounding money? How has money
been handled in your family of origin? Do you have any specific “money memories”
that are entrenched in negative emotions?
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 24
Health challenges
There is another aspect to this – the way you experienced being sick as a child. Did
your mother comfort and soothe you? Or was she unmoved, giving you the
message to “tough it out,” or did she even punish you for being ill? (Missing Fathers
may come in here, too.) Was being sick the only time you got attention and
affection?
If you have severe and/or ongoing health problems, you should take a good look at
the underlying and surrounding emotional issues. Healing might happen overnight
or take a lot of time and effort. Never give up, never, ever.
Contemplate:
What might be the underlying emotional cause for your health problem? What was
your life situation when it started? What are you getting out of it (like attention)?
What is your general attitude toward it? How did you parents react when you got
sick or injured?
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 25
Relationship conflicts
This is a big issue for daughters who grew up without a loving mother. It’s actually
not so much the relationship with the mother (if she is still alive), but with husbands,
boyfriends, siblings, children, co-workers or friends. You might not even be aware of
the destructive pattern that repeats itself over and over. The underlying agony is
this: If my mother could not love me – who can? Out of this a host of issues arise,
like the constant fear of abandonment and rejection (see paragraphs above).
Having children of your own creates both an opportunity for healing and an
intensified challenge. Because you have not been mothered yourself, how can you
give all this nurturing and unconditional love to somebody who demands it all the
time? All the old stuff comes up when you have children. You can run away from a
man, but you can not run away from your child (and, of course, you don’t want to).
Love is always there, but sometimes we need to do the work to let it emerge and
shine in our lives. Come to think of it, isn’t that the basic work of the whole human
race?
Contemplate:
What relationships in your life are “bad?” Do you see a common thread of a specific
conflict or emotional pain in them? What is it? It what way does your “significant
other” remind you of your mother?
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 26
YOUR COMMENTS:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 27
Chapter 2
If you already know how to do EFT, you can skip this chapter.
If you need to learn how to do EFT (I hear your sigh), here is the deal: I will keep the
explanations to a bare minimum. And even if it sounds somewhat complicated,
I PROMISE, it is not. It actually takes just minutes to learn how to do EFT. Once you
know where the tapping points are and what the basic phrasing is, you are on your
way.
Those of you who want to know more (actually, everything) about EFT, please go to
Gary Craig’s website www.emofree.com.
Gary Craig developed EFT in the early 1990s and many experienced therapists
continue to refine and adapt it. That is why not all practitioners use and teach
exactly the same thing. (By the way, Gary is very open about that, unlike some
other people’s “etched in stone” healing systems.) He adapted the idea from Roger
Callahan’s TFT (Thought Field Therapy) and made the tapping process ingeniously
simple and accessible to everyone, children included.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 28
different physical and emotional diseases, EFT uses only – and always – the same
end points of the major meridian channels. (Some practitioners use some additional
points.)
It has been observed that by tapping on these points while being “tuned in” to the
problem, a release of the physical or emotional pain can occur. Sometimes it
happens instantly; sometimes it takes more patience and perseverance. This has
led to what Gary Craig calls “The Discovery Statement.”
A thought or memory
triggers
a disruption in the body’s energy system
experienced as
physical or emotional pain
While you are tuned in to your specific problem, tapping on the meridians restores
the energy flow, the disruption is cleared, and normal function can resume.
On the following pages are the main tapping points and the basic phrasing. There is
a shortcut: Just leave out the finger points and go from “Under the arm” to the
“Karate Chop” point. (As my clients know, I like to do the finger points for reasons
we don’t have to discuss here.)
Don’t take the basic wording too seriously. It’s just a guideline to get you going. Say
what comes naturally to you.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 29
Start tapping with your slightly bent index and middle finger on the eyebrow spot
and work your way down. Use the four fingers of your open hand for tapping when it
feels more comfortable (like on the collarbone, under the arm, and on the “Karate
Chop” point). Don’t worry if you forget a point, or if you don’t hit it right. EFT is a
very forgiving system.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 30
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The Missing Mother Handbook 31
The Set-up
The SORE SPOT is actually not that sore. It is just an area of lymphatic congestion.
To find it, go to the base of your throat (where a man would knot his tie). From there
go down about 3 inches and then 3 inches over to your left (or right.) You’ll usually
discover a spot that feels more sensitive than the area around it. Rub with three or
four fingers in a circular motion.
Rubbing the SORE SPOT while saying the SET-UP phrases takes care of
Psychological Reversal (self-sabotage of your good intentions).
Rub the “Sore Spot” while repeating your affirmation statement three times:
“Even though I have this >problem<, I deeply and completely love and accept
myself.”
Example: “Even though I have this anger, I deeply and completely love and accept
myself.”
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 32
The Sequence
Tap on each point 5 to 7 times (don’t count) while repeating your Reminder Phrase.
The Reminder Phrase is in the middle of your affirmation: “This >problem<.”
Eyebrow
Collarbone point
Thumb
Index finger
Middle finger
Little Finger
Gamut (on the back of your hand, between the bones of the little finger/ring
finger)
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 33
It does not matter which side of your body you are tapping, and you can switch
sides at any time.
Tap continuously on the Gamut Spot while going through these nine steps:
8. Quickly count out loud to five…. one, two, three, four, five.
9. Hum again.
The Sequence
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 34
Then take a new reading of your level of discomfort for the specific issue on which
you’ve been tapping, on a scale of 0 to 10.
If you are not at 1 or 0, repeat the entire process using the modified affirmation:
If you are not making any progress, get more specific on the issue. This is very
important! Sometimes you have to find the “core issue” to get relief – for example,
the underlying emotional problem of a physical disease.
On the other hand, you might tap on “depression,” but the real issue is your
suppressed anger. Tap as many rounds as you want to. Tap often. The idea is to
get your discomfort level down to 1 or 0. If you are feeling really stuck on a
particular issue, you might wish to consider a series of private sessions. Please
email info@missingmother.com to discuss this.
That’s it! Now let’s work on the specific issues related to “Missing Mother
Syndrome.”
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 35
Chapter 3
How to proceed:
Protocols are a given set of phrases that everybody can use for tapping. Although
the experience of emotions is individual and private, the nature of these emotions is
quite general. Therefore the same wording applies to many, many people.
Some of the phrases are the same for different conditions. These are key phrases
for the “Missing Mother Syndrome.”
If a phrase does not sound true to you, don’t use it (although there is no harm in
doing so – it just won’t have any effect).
You can start at the beginning and go through all protocols, or you can pick the
most pressing issues (like “abandonment” or “money problems”).
After having gone through the protocols, please use the words, phrases, and
sentences that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS in the first chapter.
Always start with rubbing the SORE SPOT, and then tap:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 36
Collarbone
Under Arm
Thumb
Index Finger
Middle Finger
Little Finger
Gamut Spot
Karate Chop
If you have worked with a practitioner who taught you a different tapping sequence,
feel free to use it instead.
If you start crying (it happens often!), keep tapping anyway. This is important
because you don’t want to stop the process at its peak. Once you overcome the
intensity by tapping, the crying stops and you’ll feel much better.
Before you start, take a level of discomfort reading (see Chapter 2). Take a
reading after the two given rounds, or after several rounds of tapping. Keep
tapping until your level of discomfort drops appreciably, if possible to 1 or 0.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 37
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Even though there is no place in the whole world where I feel safe,
I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like. (The wording below takes you through two rounds.)
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 38
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 39
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 40
SET-UP phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
Under arm..… I am sick and tired of being sad all the time
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The Missing Mother Handbook 41
Middle finger.. This deep, old sadness that won’t go away, ever
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The Missing Mother Handbook 42
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 43
LONELINESS
SET-UP phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 44
Karate Chop.. Everybody else has a big, happy family, but I am lonesome
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The Missing Mother Handbook 45
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 46
SET-UP phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Even though I hate my belly, thighs, hips, nose (insert appropriate body part),
I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Even though my body is fat (if that sounds right) and ugly,
I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 47
Nose…….….. My father never said that I am pretty (or: made me feel dirty
when he looked at me)
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The Missing Mother Handbook 48
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 49
ABANDONMENT
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 50
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 51
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 52
ANGER
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
Under eye.…. All this anger that I have stored for so long
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 53
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 54
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 55
SOCIAL STRESS
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Even though I feel this stress, anxiety, and shame when I am around other
people, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 56
Collarbone.… I’ll say the wrong thing, and everybody will stare at me
Under arm….. I will trip over the rug and spill my drink on somebody
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 57
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 58
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Even though I am going through this illness (grief, divorce, job loss…),
I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 59
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 60
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 61
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 62
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 63
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 64
FEELING HOMESICK
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Even though I have this constant yearning for a place called home,
I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 65
Under arm….. I don’t know where my home is, but it’s not here
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 66
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 67
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 68
Chin……….… I know better what other people need and want than what I
need and want
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The Missing Mother Handbook 69
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 70
MONEY PROBLEMS
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 71
Under eye….. My parents always fought over money, I don’t want to fight
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 72
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 73
HEALTH CHALLENGES
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
Under eye.…. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 74
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 75
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 76
RELATIONSHIP CONFLICTS
SET-UP Phrases
(Say each of these phrases once, while rubbing the SORE SPOT.)
Start tapping on the eyebrow point and move to the next point with each phrase. Do
as many rounds as you like.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 77
Index finger… I should walk away from him (her), but I don’t have the
strength
Nose…….….. I am so lonely
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The Missing Mother Handbook 78
Add the words and phrases that you jotted down under YOUR COMMENTS. Move
with every word or phrase to the next point. Don’t worry about getting it right, just
tap along. Always end with the KARATE CHOP POINT.
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 79
Chapter 4:
EFT is designed to release negative emotions. Everyone who has worked with EFT
experiences the positive emotions that arise naturally, once the blockage is
dissolved. However, there are ways to affirm “the good stuff” with EFT, if you want
to. Just make sure that you first tap on the negative (Chapter 3); otherwise, the
positive will be a thin, ineffective cover-up.
Positive affirmations
You can use general affirmations like “I accept Divine Guidance in everything I do”
or “I am safe, all is well” or the timeless standby: “Every day, in every way, I feel
better and better.” You probably already have your favorites. In case you are still
looking for good ones, google “positive affirmations,” and/or check out the many
books written on this subject – for example by Louise Hay and Shakti Gawain.
I am aware that there are many EFT practitioners, especially in the field of
prosperity, who use positive affirmations extensively. If you have worked with me,
you know that I am not one of them. As I said, I believe that the real value of EFT
lies in the release of negative emotions, and then the positive will emerge naturally.
It is part of our spiritual makeup. Therefore, “pounding in” positive affirmations is my
least favorite technique. However, if you feel it is helping you, by all means, tap on
your positive affirmations!
My positive affirmations:
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________________
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 80
Now this is a technique I really like and, as my clients know, I use it in individual
sessions. Pat Carrington developed it and if you want to learn it from scratch, get
her “Choices Training Manual.” However, it is ingenious in its simplicity, and you
can just go ahead and do it.
• You have worked through an issue, its intensity went down – but there is still
a stubborn remainder of the negative emotion (e.g. “I am still somewhat
angry at my mother”).
For example:
“Even though I attract losers all the time, I choose to end this pattern and let a good,
caring man enter my life” or “Even though my mother never appreciated me, I
choose to let go of the past, and love myself for who I am.”
The phrase “I choose” is powerful, because it circumvents the doubt that a flat out
positive affirmation often triggers (“Oh yeah?”). You can choose anything you want,
right?
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 81
Step 1
Build the “Even though…,” the negative part of the sentence. It should not be too
long, since you have to tap on it. Find the exact right words.
Step 2
Build the “I choose…” – the positive part of the sentence. This should not just be the
opposite of the negative. Find something that truly uplifts you and makes your heart
sing. Often, you find the true Choice only after you have done EFT on the negative
emotions, because with all these blockages in place you cannot even think of
something uplifting. That is why I frequently end sessions with a Choices sentence,
but never start out with it.
Step 3
SET-UP: Tap! First, rubbing your SORE SPOT say your set-up phrase: Even
though…, I choose…
ROUND 1: Then tap a round using ONLY the "Even though…" (the negative) part of
the sentence.
ROUND 2: After that, tap a round ONLY using the "I choose…" (the positive) part of
the sentence.
ROUND 3: In the third round, tap alternating, going from point to point: "Even
though…" – move to the next point: "I choose…" – move to the next point: "Even
though…" – move to the next point: "I choose..." and so on. Always end with the
positive statement.
If this is too much, do only the set-up phrase (rubbing the sore spot), and the last
round (tapping while alternating the “Even though” and the “I choose” phrase).
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 82
There is a little secret to this method. Pat Carrington explains it in her manual:
”Once a link has been formed between a person’s negative cognition and
their positive Choice, the negative cognition now becomes a trigger that
automatically evokes this Choice each time it is fired. For those familiar with
Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), the negative cognition has now become
an “anchor” for that person’s Choice – it automatically calls it forth.”
My “Choices” sentences:
I choose ___________________________________________________________.
I choose ___________________________________________________________.
I choose ___________________________________________________________.
I choose ___________________________________________________________.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 83
Before EFT came along, there was the book Life Energy by John Diamond. He
connected disease and emotional problems with an imbalance of the energy
meridians. He used positive affirmations that address the specific quality of each
meridian. Now that we have EFT, we can tap on these powerful affirmations!
Tap on the Energy Meridian points while saying aloud the following
affirmations:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 84
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 85
Spiritual tapping
For those of you who like to call on angels for spiritual assistance, here is a
powerful protocol that combines EFT with the invocation of the seven archangels.
STEP 1 – Locate your sore spot, or use the karate chop point. Relax into your body
and take some gentle full breaths. Rub the sore spot or tap the karate chop point
continuously and say out loud three times:
Keeping your fingers on this point (Sore Spot or Karate Chop), take in a gentle and
full breath.
STEP 2 – Now tap gently with two fingers on the inside eyebrow point and say out
loud:
‘I invoke the mighty Jophiel, beauty of God. Fill me with your yellow/gold ray
and enable me to connect to my higher self, my intuition and my inner
wisdom. Free me of my dependencies and illuminate my mind. Thank you and
blessed be.’
Keep your fingers on this spot and take a gentle and full breath.
STEP 3 – Next locate the spot on the outside eyebrow, on the bone near your
temple. Tap gently and say out loud:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 86
‘I invoke the mighty Zadkiel, Righteousness of God. Fill me with your violet
ray of forgiveness, compassion and mercy. Support me to free myself from
negativity and limitation, and pave the way for forgiveness of others and for
myself. Thank you and blessed be.’
STEP 4 – Now find the spot under your eye, on the bone, tap gently and say:
‘I now invoke the mighty Michael, who is like God. Fill me with your blue ray
of protection. Please cut the cords of fear and illusion and give me the
courage and strength to live my truth. Thank you and blessed be.’
STEP 5 – Find the spot under your nose, tap gently and say:
‘I now invoke the mighty Raphael, angel of healing. Fill me with your green
healing ray and activate my own self-healing mechanism. Thank you and
blessed be.’
STEP 6 – Next tap under your bottom lip and say out loud:
‘I now invoke the mighty Uriel, fire of God. Fill me with the gentle peace of
your purple/gold and ruby ray. I ask for peace for myself and humanity. Thank
you and blessed be.’
STEP 7 – Now move to your collar bone point, gently pat with an open hand and
say:
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 87
‘I invoke the mighty Chamuel, angel of love and he who sees God. Fill me with
your pink ray reaching into all the places where love and acceptance are
needed. Fill me with love. Thank you and blessed be.’
STEP 8 – Now move your open hand to the side of your body just below the
underarm and pat gently whilst saying:
‘I now invoke the mighty Gabriel, angel of harmony and beauty. I call on your
pure white light for guidance to understand my life’s plan. Help me to draw
the people and situations needed to enable me to reach my divine potential.
Thank you and blessed be.’
STEP 9 – Now sit quietly for a few minutes with your eyes closed, breathing slowly
and gently, in and out. Notice the quality of your inner being. Thank the angels for
the healing that you have received and for the joy and upliftment they have brought
you. Give them a big joyful smile and enjoy your day.
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com
The Missing Mother Handbook 88
Carna has been educating herself for many years in the areas of spirituality,
psychology, alternative health (Reiki), myths and fairy tales. When she came in
contact with Gary Craig's EFT, she knew she had found her healing grail. She
specializes in working with women who have a “missing mother,” physically or
emotionally. Most of her sessions are done over the phone.
To inquire about scheduling private sessions with Carna, please call (850) 878-5690
(Eastern time zone).
© 2006 Carna Zacharias-Miller • To inquire about confidential phone sessions, please email info@missingmother.com