Running Head: Mating and Dating.

Application Paper: Mating and Dating.

Lorena Dávila
City University of Seattle
Running Head: Mating and Dating.

Application paper: Mating and Dating.

Mating and dating has been a common and expected process to happen before two people

decide to get married in our society, these concepts are related because as people go through

them, they live and experience them as phases and were traditionally expected to happen in that

way. Today the three concepts are still present within our society but they are not experienced as

they used to and do not happen as phases of a process and necessarily in that way.

Mating or dating?

The past decade has been marked as a huge one when it comes to changes and acceptance

in relationships and diversity, and as this has been incorporated to our daily living and

interactions, many differences have marked traditions and cultural believes and actions such as

mating.

Mating is a single word that involves different behaviors and social relationships that

people went through before actually marrying or deciding to date another person. Some of the

interactions and behaviors that are part of this concept definition are: courtship and mate

selection. Courtship is defines as a period of time in which two people spend intentional time

together in order to get to know each other with the purpose of later on marry that partner.

(Schwartz, 2012). Mate selection is simply deciding to begin this process with a specific person

that the other feels attracted to or liked by some characteristics of traits of that one person.

Nevertheless, society has experienced a turn in this process and it is less common to see

couples dating or mating before actually getting married or deciding to spend their lives together.

Now a days, people are moving in together after a few weeks of knowing each other or end up

having a ‘one night stand’ as an after party on a random night. Also, it is usual to see couples
Running Head: Mating and Dating.

having children together but not being in a relationship or even having gone through it before.

Today, it seems like there is a disturbance in differentiating both concepts and it has been a mix

of both phases combined into one that has taken place in young people that are seeking for a

partner. Courtship is less seen now, and dating is also not much seen as before, but when it is

present, activities and habits that were traditionally correspondent to dating are not the same

anymore, and people end up breaking up because of the little commitment and respect they have

towards each other and the relationship.

Dating and Mating: then vs. now

In the traditional process of dating and mate selection, courtship was a must, religious

beliefs, family, economic status and cultural heritage were very important and a major factor to

look at when choosing a partner and a person to initiate an intimate relationship with. Romantic

love was part of this process too, traditionally people lived the experience based in love and

companionship and a lot of positive feelings were involved into the dating process. Additionally,

intimacy was not part of the dating phase, women were expected to be virgins until they got

married and they would have a submissive role in the relationship, it was common to see

arranged marriages or very young women marrying a much older man because he asked her

family and they made a negotiation with him.

In our current society, dating seems to be a part of having fun and taken as a recreational

activity, it is also very common to see people dating from one person to another without any

commitment and sentimental attachments to them. It has now become a way of gaining

popularity and having sex and it is common to see youth bragging about their partners and taking

it as a competition. “Hooking-up” – engaging in no-strings-attached sexual behaviors with

uncommitted partners - has become a norm on college campuses (Reiber & Garcia, 2010)
Running Head: Mating and Dating.

It is a ‘no strings attached’ relationship in which at least one ask the other to not get emotionally

involved and it is experienced as a casual relation. A research made in December of 2016 shows

that about 95 percent of the American public had their first experience of sexual intercourse

before they got married. (Regnerus & Uecker, 2011)

These changes can be due to the different norms, roles and dynamics that have been

taking over the gender roles and modifications of the behaviors that are ascribed to men and

women, the truth is that today most single people are not actively looking for a romantic partner,

they are also not committed and certainly not practicing the traditional dating dictations such as a

the man asking out a woman to the movies or dinner. Equally important is to remark that

traditionally dating was seen as a process leading to a marital partner, getting to know the person

and deciding to stay together was part of the accomplishments of this but now it does not

necessarily lead to marriage and in fact, marriage is not seen as a priority or as an aspiration of

youths as it used to be.

Contemporary trends in dating

The process and behaviors of the dating have changed but also the partner selection and

establishment of sexual and gender preferences. As part of the evolution in society and diversity,

it is now common and usual to see homosexual partners and to see them developing a

relationship in the same way as heterosexual couples. LGBT communities have taking a lot of

power and popularity among most well developed countries and have been more accepted and

supported than they were during the last century. Like heterosexual couples, most of them date

for recreational and entertainment purposes (Schwartz, 2012).

Running Head: Mating and Dating.

Lesbians and gays have are allowed to marry now in many different states of a variety of

countries and in some cases they can legally adopt too. They intend to have the same chances

and opportunities as heterosexual couples and look for a partner to share love and support as well

as companionship. They report having different ways of meeting a potential partner and they

have their own and exclusive places in some cases in which they get along with others and have

the chance to gather around and meet someone that matches their needs and what the look for.

Another popular practice that is trending now is the online websites and apps that have

emerged and that are currently used by many. According to some sources, there are 1,400 online

dating sites in North America. (Schwartz, 2012). A few years ago, before the internet and all the

technology that exists now, to have a potential date, the person had to actually meet the person

and see him or her and to arrange a date both people had to be interested and have chemistry for

something else to emerge. Now, by having an electronic device or a computer and access to Wi-

Fi a person can arrange one, two or more dates with a stranger and a never before met person.

The digital age of dating has opened the door to a whole new way and chances fir singles

to Millions of people are joining online website places that work as matching services to set a

date or a conversation and start developing a relationship with someone that is also in that

website and that might be looking for the same encounter than them or at least a similar one.

Among the most popular apps for dating is tinder, which is used by many as a platform to know

people located close to gather information and profiles of people that they might find interested

in based on what they have shared in the site or chosen to show there; single people in here can

actually believe that meeting and asking out someone by this channel might later be a potential

mate for them.

Influence of media and society into dating

Running Head: Mating and Dating.

While the ‘hook-up’ practice rises and increases in today’s society and gets more popular

in youths than it ever was, the traditional dating forms seem to be getting erased and becoming

rare to date as people in the past decades did and went through those phases.

Sexualisation of the media is generally describes as ubiquitous, repetitive, normalized,

everywhere, bombarding us. (Smith, et al, 2017) This has marked a very intense difference in

society’s practices and has influenced many of the traditions and culture among not only well

developed and industrialized countries, but also the regions that are starting to advance and

develop.

It is common to see now many TV commercials, billboards, online and street publicity

containing sexual references or showing men and women as sexual objects, publicity

professionals and people in charge of marketing and campaigns are no longer concerned of using

creative ideas, humorous atmosphere and family friendly resources, instead, they use the human

body and exhibit models or actors to gain attention and popularity among people. These kinds of

behaviors have contributed in the concepts and ideas young people have formed about dating and

mating, the fact that they have access to many websites, and sexualized information and images

has somehow made them believe that a relationship between two people is a casual matter and

there must be sexual intercourse between them.

In conclusion, mating and dating are very important phases of the human relationships

and previous to marriage, even though marriage has been identified as a not so common and

practiced tradition in today’s society. Both, mating and dating have changed a lot over time

because of the new influence that new practices that have been incorporated to our world;

technology, media, resources, fashion, and innovation. Along with these practices that have

changed life and work, our culture and traditions have changed too, dating is seen and lived in a
Running Head: Mating and Dating.

different way now, the experience of meeting someone and starting to date and go out has been

changing over the years and what was used to see and do some decades ago like going to the

movies or going to drink a milkshake are dates that are no longer seen that much.

Now, people go out to the clubs, drink, have fun and maybe spend the night together and

never see each other again. Dating is very rare to see in couples looking for fun and casual

relationships, they prefer to have spontaneous encounters and meet different people, instead of

staying with only one person and getting committed to themselves and the relationship.
Running Head: Mating and Dating.

References:

Smith, C; Atwood, F & Mcnair, B (2010). The Routledge Companion To Media, Sex and

Sexuality. Rotuledge, NY.

Sales, N. J. (2015, September). Tinder and the dawn of the “dating apocalypse.” Vanity Fair.

Reiber, C., & Garcia, J. R. (2010). Hooking up: Gender differences, evolution, and pluralistic

ignorance. Evolutionary Psychology, 8, 390–404.

Schwartz Mary A., Scott BarBara M., (2012) Marriages and Families Diversity and Change, 7th

edition; Pearson Education, Upper Saddle River NJ