Anais Marston

November, 1, 2018
Professor Enos
English 1111

Let’s Talk about Obesity Commented [1]:

Move title after context note, since it goes with document
A Letter to Mayor Walsh itself—title a bit general, might not grab audience

The obesity crisis is a well-known issue, however many are unsure of how to approach it. Commented [2]:
Comma splice!
When they think of someone who is obese it is often associated with laziness and lack of effort.

When faced with an obese child, parents are often to blame. We are very quick to place the

blame on the victims rather than trying to help them. Unless you look deeper you may never

know that there is much more the the issue of obesity than pure laziness and lack of self restraint.

My primary audience will be the heads of schools. Using schools is a good approach to Commented [3]:
Good, but that’s not clear from title: mention schools in title?
combating the obesity crisis. The could not only aid with and prevent the increase in childhood

obesity, but also have the ability to reach out to the parents and families of students, further

benefiting the community. The secondary audience would specifically be Mayor Martin J Walsh.

As the current mayor of Boston he would have much more power when it comes to

implementing larger ideas.

The goal is to show that the health disparity is not an unsolvable issue. While the social

class is too complicated of an issue to be solved in a short period of time, there are smaller

changes that can be made in order to lessen the health gap.

Dear Mayor Walsh, Commented [4]:

Why not BPL superintendent?
By now, it is common knowledge that we have an obesity crisis in the United States. Obesity

rates have been rapidly rising the the 1900s, hitting a record high this year 39.6% in 2018. Here Commented [5]:
?
in Massachusetts the adult obesity rate is 25.9 percent as of 2017; and while we can be proud to

say we are the 11th least obese state in the country, there is still much that we need to improve.

While our relatively low obesity rate, seems like we have the issue under control, looking more Commented [6]:
Read out loud: comma shouldn’t be there
deeply at the data reveals an ugly truth. There are clear racial disparities when it comes to health

and obesity. Here in Boston the black and Latino populations have the highest rates of obesity,

35 and 31 percent respectively, compared to white population at only 24 percent.

This disparity is directly correlated with socioeconomic status and all the effects that social status

has on families. A disproportionate amount of black and Latino families have a low income, Commented [7]:
All good, but taking a long time to get to point (purpose and
thesis)
meaning they often live in poorer and more unsafe neighborhoods compared to their white

counterparts. With a tight budget, cheap fast food seem to be the most economical meal option Commented [8]:
Audience knows that already
and with the abundance of tempting dollar menus and convenience stores on every corner,

snacks are often just as unhealthy. These communities may not have a nearby park or field where Commented [9]:
Examples from Boston specifically?
children can play sports or run around. With the often increase in community violence in poor Commented [10]:
Doesn’t read correctly
communities parents may keep children inside which only furthers the lack of exercise. These

are the communities that need our help the most but are all too often forgotten. Commented [11]:
But are they forgotten by this audience? Seems unlikely
Families in living in poverty often do not have the financial resources to eat healthy. Putting any

kind of food on the table can be a huge challenge when living paycheck to paycheck. These

people often want to eat healthy; they want to buy fresh produce and cook healthy meals, but it

just isn’t possible.

The Williamson family is a perfect example of this. Living well under the poverty line Commented [12]:
Format changes from spaces between paragraphs to indents:
be consistent
with three children is not easy for Connie Williamson. With a tight budget to buy healthier
Commented [13]:
Where in Boston do they live? Will help audience connect to
options because there are often more expensive. “You can get leaner cuts of meat, but then her
Commented [14]:
they’re more expensive,” she says. “You can get fresh fruit every couple of days and blow half Doesn’t read correctly: make sure to read work out loud

of your budget on fresh fruits and vegetables in a week's time, easy.” Connie Williamson tries Commented [15]:
Make sure you include this interview in the works cited
give her family healthy meals but it is not always possible. Parents don't want their children to

grow up and live a healthy life, not suffer from diabetes, hypertension and other illnesses that can Commented [16]:
Wait, what?!
come with a poor diet. However, regardless of their their knowledge of food and health, they Commented [17]:
?
simply do not have a choice. They just have to eat what they can afford, and try to make it

through each day.

There is also another side to this issue. A study done by Priya Fielding -Singh, earlier this year Commented [18]:
Still don’t know what purpose is
showed that there is a fundamental difference in the meaning of food between social classes. Commented [19]:
Who’s that?
While both rich and poor parents were both aware of the benefits of healthy eating and wanted

there kids to do so, poor parents regularly bought junk food. Commented [20]:
Sp.
Why is this? Commented [21]:
Only heading thus far: need to be consistent with structure

Well, while it still does have to do with money and wealth, there is a much more emotional Commented [22]:
Tone shift: be consistent throughout
aspect to these purchases. Parent with low incomes constantly have to say “no” to their children.

Whether it’s for an expensive toy, or a trip or vacation, there answer is almost always no. There's

simply not enough money to spare on the non- essentials. However, when it comes to fifty cent

packs of chips or dollar candy, those requests are more manageable financially. It’s one of the

few times that a parent can say ‘yes’ to their kids. One mother said, "They want it, they'll get it. Commented [23]:
From where?
One day they'll know. They'll know I love them, and that's all that matters." That simple bag of

candy isn’t just that, it’s a symbol of the parent love for their child. They want to see that there

kids are happy, show them that they deserve to have things just like anyone else.

With wealthy parents the experience is flipped. They have the resources and financial stability to Commented [24]:
And middle-class?
to oblige the request of her children much more frequently. Therefore is is not so jarring for them Commented [25]:
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decline the request for junk food. The food supply doesn't have the same meaning for them.

Well what can we do? We can’t decrease the wage gap or eliminate poverty overnight. We still Commented [26]:
POV? Who’s “we”? who’s saying this?
have to fight to solve this long term issues,but what can we do right now to help struggling

families? I suggest we start with schools. There has already been much improvement in regards

to school lunches and across the US and specifically in Boston. Public schools are already Commented [27]:
Doesn’t that indicate that they know about problem? What’s
motive in this document?
required to meet a certain standard of health when it comes to school lunches and in 2011 the

Boston district promised to bring PE classes to all of its public schools. However despite all this

improvement there is clearly more that needs to be done. School have the ability to reach out of a
much larger part of the community, including both children, parents and other other family Commented [28]:
?
members.

Hosting after school programs or activities for both children and families could be a great option Commented [29]:
If that’s purpose, needs to be clearer much earlier
for reaching out to the community. Many public schools already have after school programs for

children so adding a weekly session focused on food and healthy living could be an easy addition

to what they currently have. Having some sort of healthy cooking class after school would not

only introduce students to healthy foods through first hand experience, but it would be fun as

they would be able to make and eat something themselves. Making healthy eating fun, will

encourage students to want to learn more and find healthy foods that they like to eat. Available

parents should also be welcomed so that they can learn alongside their children.

We need to make changes her in Boston that allow for people to have the knowledge and access

needed to eat healthy. If we ever want to stop the increasing obesity rate, we need to make

changes that will directly help those who are struggling the most. This is not an unsolvable issue.

With some time and planning we can make changes that will vastly improve the lives of Boston

residents.