William Bracy

202D Business Writing

Zack De Piero
12/6/18

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submission: question I what I initially wrote: impacts my
(a phrase, sentence, received from (i.e. the change I made to piece:
paragraph, idea, De Piero or a column 1)
punctuation, piece of classmate:
evidence, etc.) (or a thought
that you had on
your own)

● Exigence: Proposal This sounds Exigence: The current local
like the name of education system is not
the genre.
Acceptance functioning as effectively and
Exigence: what
triggered the appropriately as society needs
need to write it to. Change has to be made in
this thing? order to adapt to the current
environment we are living in,
which is changing more quickly
than ever. And with the future
in mind this will only become a
bigger issue for society as a
whole.
This change
allowed a better,
fuller, and bigger Commented [ZDP1]: This sounds like the name of the
picture to be more genre. Exigence: what triggered the need to write this
thing?
accurately
described to show
what triggered the
need for the
writer to actually
write this.

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I made to How this

submission: question I received what I initially wrote: change
(a phrase, sentence, from De Piero or a (i.e. the change I made to impacts my
paragraph, idea, classmate: column 1) piece:
punctuation, piece of (or a thought that
evidence, etc.) you had on your
own)
● Author’s What improvements? ● Author’s It gives
And what about Purpose/Goal: Elementary more
them? The Borough
Purpose/Goal: school improvements for specific
Manager wants
people to FUND this? the entire education system. goals on
Elementary School Or does he want them Re-structuring of how what to
to EXPEDITE (hurry students need to be taught expect as a
Improvements up) the plans? Or is in today’s world. Re- reader. It Commented [ZDP2]: What improvements? And what
this to start a BID for about them? The Borough Manager wants people to
contractors? Get
evaluation of what students shows the FUND this? Or does he want them to EXPEDITE
specific. are being taught for as a issues, what (hurry up) the plans? Or is this to start a BID for
career/profession with the we can contractors? Get specific.
 future of the world in mind. expect, and
What can we expect to be what needs
done in order to solve these to be done.
issues between the students,
the education system, and
the professional field?

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submission: or question I initially wrote: change
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paragraph, idea, punctuation, from De 1) piece:
piece of evidence, etc.) Piero or a
classmate:
(or a
thought that
you had on
your own)

● Context/Background What ● Context/Background This provides

voters>? Info: Local Taxpayers/Voters much more
What
Info: Taxpayers/Voters that are residents within the information
school?
What kids? local borough would like to see and much
would like to see their How much their money go towards the more specific
money? education system for the local information
money go towards the What’s the elementary school that is to paint a
story here?
building the foundation for their fuller picture
education system that children’s future and ultimately for the
society as a whole. Prior to this reader.
is building the demand students, teachers, and
parents have been concerned
foundation for their about the future of young
students within the Local
children
Elementary School. This is Commented [ZDP3]: What voters>? What school?
What kids? How much money? What’s the story
because as time progresses it is here?
becoming more and more
difficult to teach the younger
generations. Students are losing
interest in school and finding it
more effective in most cases to
learn outside of school.
Teachers are becoming more
frustrated as well. This is due to
the fact is more difficult to teach
a class of young minds that are
not interested in the material.
 And therefore, parents in the
real world are immediately
witnessing the dramatic changes
that are taking place. This is
concerning with the future in
mind. As time progresses
forwards things will only
become more complicated and
more difficult with new
problems arising daily.

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initial or question I initially wrote: change
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to column 1) impacts my
(a phrase, De Piero or a piece:
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had
piece of on your own)
evidence, etc.)
TEXTUAL GENRE Is this an TEXTUAL GENRE #1: PROPOSAL I presented the
email? If so, To: textual genres
emails have
#1: localboroughcouncil@government.com in a formal and
subject lines…
Subject: Local Elementary School Re- practical
structuring fashion to help
From: Billbracy22@gmail.com support a more
realistic project.
PROPOSAL:

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submission: question I received I made to what my piece:
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paragraph, idea, classmate: wrote:
punctuation, piece of (or a thought that you (i.e. the change I
evidence, etc.) had on your own) made to column
1)

Dear local governing Is this a proper noun? Dear Local This change shows that I Commented [ZDP4]: Is this an email? If so, emails
council, An official group? If Governing acknowledged the Local have subject lines…
so, capitalization,..
Council, Governing Council as an Commented [ZDP5]: Is this a proper noun? An official
official group with a proper group? If so, capitalization,..
noun.
 Text from my initial A comment The change(s) I made How this
submission: or question I to what I initially wrote: change impacts
(a phrase, sentence, paragraph, received (i.e. the change I made to my piece:
idea, punctuation, piece of from De column 1)
evidence, etc.) Piero or a
classmate:
(or a thought
that you had
on your own)

Technology will be more
available so that instant
communication is how
students will learn. Rather
than reading books that are
not being read anyways. It is
time to listen to the students
and the parents that feel it is
time to move on. We need to
realize that the current system
is not as effective as it could
be. And we now have the
support financially and
ethically to make the right
choice for the community.
What tech? If we put things into This gives
What books? context for the future we specifics of what
What/how
much support?
can accurately project technology is
that technology will be available right
I need you to more available on an now for students
get specific accelerating scale. on top of what
here, Bracy. we can expect to
It’s also not
clear what
About every 18 months have available
you’re trying to the computer processing for students for a
accomplish in drives double in speed. In new innovative
writing this other words, the and advanced
email. bandwidth of data that is education
processed doubles its system.
limits. This means that
today’s “high powered” Commented [ZDP6]: What tech? What books?
computers that are doing What/how much support?
unbelievable tasks will I need you to get specific here, Bracy. It’s also not
be able to do twice that clear what you’re trying to accomplish in writing this
in the same amount of email.
time, in approximately
18 months’ time from
now. And during a time
of technological
advancement, 18 months
could and may be
reduced as we progress
further into the future.
These numbers are based
off of past events. Rather
than reading books that
are not being read
anyways. It is time to
adapt to the world we are
living in. The world is
changing and we have to
change with it.
Text from my A comment The change(s) I made to what I How this change
initial or question I initially wrote: impacts my
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to column 1) piece:
(a phrase, De Piero or a
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had
piece of on your own)
evidence, etc.)

-did not exist- Show me you -- Through this course, 1st order This gives some
got something thinking and 2nd order thinking has real life hard
out of the been presented for the first time. 1st factual evidence
class. order thinking was a brand new way that I got
of thinking and therefore, not only something out of
writing but; communicating. In the this course on our
first freewriting activity of the class, very first in class
the following was completed: freewriting
activity.
Q1. Characterize Elbow’s “1st order
thinking and 2nd order thinking” in
your own words.

 1st order thinking is when

thought is naturally, openly,
and continually projected free
from worrying about what
others may think or judge.
This type of thinking involves
being/thinking in the moment
free from self-reflection.
 2nd order thinking is when
thought is reflected on in a
logical and rational process.
This effective to improve
oneself or critically review
someone else’s thoughts.

Q2. Can you think of any instances in

which you do either of these in your
own life?

Why I annotated…
A1. “First order thinking is intuitive
and creative and does not strive for
conscious direction or control.”
 Reason: I annotated this because I do
not fully agree with the author’s
statement. I think that first order
thinking involves a lot of control and
self-conscious direction. However, it
feels as if you are not in control. But,
in actuality it is you fully.

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initial or question I initially wrote: impacts my
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to column 1) piece:
(a phrase, De Piero or a
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had
piece of on your own)
evidence, etc.)

-Did not exist- Use the In Thill and Bovee Chapter 3 – This shows proof
assigned Communication Challenges it states that I understand
readings to on page 71 “Culture is a shared the readings that
support your system of symbols, beliefs, attitudes, were assigned
project. values, expectations, and norms for from class. And I
behavior. Your cultural background used it to support
influences the way you prioritize my final project.
what is important in life, helps define
your attitude of what is appropriate in
a situation, and establishes rules of
behavior”.

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initial question I what I initially wrote: impacts my piece:
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to
(a phrase, De Piero or a column 1)
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had on
piece of your own)
evidence, etc.)

Each student I agree, so what, Each student needs an equal This will better evaluate
needs an equal exactly, needs to opportunity to learn. This the students and give Commented [ZDP8]: I agree, so what, exactly, needs
opportunity to change? That includes assessments based on insight to how it will be to change? That could be how you revise the
learn. could be how PURPOSE driving this TG.
aptitude, personality, skills, accomplished. This
you revise the experience, and personal gives the reader an idea Commented [ZDP7]: I agree, so what, exactly, needs
to change? That could be how you revise the
goals. This tests will be held of what will need to PURPOSE driving this TG.
 PURPOSE driving within the first year of happen in order to
this TG. schooling. There will be establish a successful
written, oral, and online tests elementary education
to properly evaluate the system.
students periodically in an
orderly fashion throughout the
students first year of schooling
to properly set them up in
specialized classes throughout
their elementary school
experience. Students will also
be evaluated by their teachers
on their behaviors and ability
to improve.

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initial or question I initially wrote: impacts my piece:
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to column 1)
(a phrase, De Piero or a
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had
piece of on your own)
evidence, etc.)

-Did not exist- Where is your Company Profile: The Local This change
company Borough Government is an provides the
profile? organization that is designed to information of the
support the needs of the company profile
community that it is responsible because it was not
for. This responsibility is held previously created
within the ordinance that the local during the drafting
community resides in. Local period of our
taxpayers and voters are the like project.
the customers for the Local
Borough Government. These
people decide where their hard-
earned tax paying dollars go
towards.

The Local Borough Government

will then come up with a strategic
plan to make sure that the local
taxpayers and voters will be
satisfied. The Local Borough
Government must propose these
plans through the Local Governing
 Council. The Local Governing
Council consists of a group of
committees that oversee all
operations within the Local
Borough Government. These
operations must be approved with
all data presented in a reasonable
fashion.

The Local Governing Council will

then examine all the data presented
by the Local Borough Government
to make an informed decision on
whether or not to approve or reject
the proposal. After acceptance the
Local Borough Government must
provide progress reports to satisfy
the Local Governing Council and
support the reality that everything
that was proposed is working.
However, if rejected the proposal
must be re-evaluated in order to
meet the necessary requirements of
the Local Governing Council.

Text from my A comment The change(s) I made to what I How this change
initial or question I initially wrote: impacts my
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to column 1) piece:
(a phrase, De Piero or a
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, that you had
piece of on your own)
evidence, etc.)

-Did not exist- Where is your Moves for Company Profile: During I created a
company my interview at the centralized office company profile
profile moves? of the North Wales Borough. I spoke and therefore
directly with Christine Hart, who is created a
the manager of the North Wales company profile
Borough. And as the manager of the moves to support
North Wales Borough she explained the process of
the process of how business is why I wrote mt
conducted as a Borough Manager. company profile
This gave me a lot of insight into how as is.
things operated. It makes sense that
there is a Governing Council of the
 Borough. And that this Council is
responsible for the operations of the
Borough. I personally think that this
is a good idea to have an
organizational structure like this for
the Local Borough. Christine Hart
further explained that it is difficult to
make the tax payers and voters happy
while also, making the Local
Governing Council happy.
Communicating all information
accurately while standing up for the
people to see change holds an
extremely difficult position.

Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I How this change impacts
submission: question I made to what I my piece:
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paragraph, idea, Piero or a (i.e. the change I
punctuation, piece of classmate: made to column
evidence, etc.) (or a thought that 1)
you had on your
own)

I pulled all Make paragraphs I divided up my This change better organizes

information into a your friend! paragraphs my writing and allows the
single paragraph throughout my reader to follow what I am
entire project portraying in a much more
organized method.

Text from my A comment or The change(s) I made to How this change

initial question I what I initially wrote: impacts my piece:
submission: received from (i.e. the change I made to
(a phrase, De Piero or a column 1)
sentence, classmate:
paragraph, idea, (or a thought
punctuation, piece that you had on
of evidence, etc.) your own)

TEXTUAL GENRE This sounds like TEXTUAL GENRE #5 This change cleared up Commented [ZDP9]: This sounds like a cool TG that
a cool TG that some possible solves a problem (on what basis are people
solves a problem “qualified”?)
#5 GENERAL STAFF confusion of what
(on what basis
are people QUALIFICATIONS FOR exactly I was intending But are you talking about to GET hired? Or to
“qualified”?) EMPLOYMENT: to get across to the MAINTAIN employment? And what kind of
employment are you talking about?
These are the general audience. This shows
But are you guidelines that should be met exactly who it is What is this document? Is it a handout>? A flier? Is it
talking about to in people’s contracts? Who wrote it? How was it
GET hired? Or to
by all staff and teachers hired targeted to and who it
developed?
GENERAL STAFF MAINTAIN with the intent of will be related for.
employment? implementing the new This gives the reader a
And what kind of
QUALIFICATIONS education system within the clear idea that it is
employment are
you talking Local Elementary School. strictly for
FOR EMPLOYMENT about? These are the qualifications employment
that will be presented on opportunity for every
What is this every form of employment. employee.
document? Is it a
handout>? A
flier? Is it in
people’s
contracts? Who
wrote it? How
was it
developed?

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paragraph, idea, from De (i.e. the change I made to
punctuation, piece of Piero or a column 1)
evidence, etc.) classmate:
(or a thought
that you had
on your own)

● Respect- all You have an ● Respect- Staff I chose to include

staff must be in opportunity to must be in alignment parallelism here in a
integrate
alignment with the parallelism into
with the system that is more simplistic form in
system that is being this. being implemented for order to spell out that this
implemented for it to it to work properly as is intended for all staff.
work properly as Staff must be designed The parallelism will
designed able to… ● Integrity- Staff allow the reader to see a
● Integrity- staff What you’ve
must be open, honest, pattern within the
must be open, honest, got right now is and accurate with their qualifications and make
and accurate with their a bit random: skill-set and experience it more relatable.
skill-set and experience - all staff must ● Honor- Staff
● Honor- must be must support the
- staff must be
support the aptitude - must support
aptitude levels of
levels of establishing a - staff must be establishing a new
new system able system
● Versatility- ● Versatility- Staff
staff must be able to must be able to flex
flex around the student around the student body
body in order teach in order teach
effectively\ effectively
● Discretion- ● Discretion- Staff
staff must be able to must be able to make
make decisions decisions strategically
strategically and/or on and/or on the spot as
the spot as well in a well in a balanced/fair
balanced/fair manner manner
● Skills- Staff
must present the
necessary skills in their
field
● Experience-
Staff must have the
required grounded
experiences to support
themselves through the
new education system

Text from my A comment or The change(s) I made How this

initial submission: question I received to what I initially wrote: change impacts
(a phrase, sentence, from De Piero or a (i.e. the change I made to my piece:
paragraph, idea, classmate: column 1)
punctuation, piece of (or a thought that you
evidence, etc.) had on your own)

Christine Hart stated How are these 2 Christine Hart stated to This change Commented [ZDP10]: <~~ I like how you’re bringing
to me that the biggest ideas/statements me that the biggest issue clearly spells out up your interview here. Q: since you’re changing gears
connected? I’m not here, is it worth starting a new paragraph? You’re,
issue she has in her she has in her current to the reader how
seeing how sentence 1 now, focusing on a different big idea – dividing your
current daily connects to sentence 2. daily operations is I was led to the “papers” into *chunks*/paragraphs is a great way to
operations is instant instant communication question relating make something a *lot* more reader-friendly.
communication is Remember: in life, your which is being stressed the biggest issue Bottom line: paragraphs are your friends!
being stressed more readers will never be YOU more heavily than ever. for Christine Hart
heavily than ever. This – that’s the ultimate So, with the biggest to effectiveness
leads me to question ongoing struggle of issue on a day to day of the schooling
how effective the communicating basis of daily operations system that is
current schooling effectively. It’s important as the Manager of North current.
system actually is. that, as writers, we put Wales, is instant Commented [ZDP11]: How are these 2
ourselves in our readers’ communication. ideas/statements connected? I’m not seeing how
sentence 1 connects to sentence 2.
shoes as much as Information has to be
possible. How can we able to be processed Remember: in life, your readers will never be YOU – that’s
best lead them through faster with accuracy. the ultimate ongoing struggle of communicating effectively.
our thought process? It’s important that, as writers, we put ourselves in our
There is a high demand readers’ shoes as much as possible. How can we best lead
What information do to process this them through our thought process? What information do
they need first? Next? they need first? Next? Etc.
information more rapidly
Etc.
since it is the biggest
problem in the shoes of
Christine Hart. This
leads me to question how
effective the current
schooling system
actually is because that is
the system that prepare
human beings for the
professional work field.
So, if we are not
properly equipped to
have the capability to
meet demands.