What a Young Wife Ought to Know: With an Essay from The History of Human Marriage By Edward Westermarck

WHAT A

YOUNG WIFE

OUGHT TO KNOW

WITH AN ESSAY FROM

The History of Human Marriage

BY EDWARD WESTERMARCK

By

EMMA F. ANGELL DRAKE

First published in 1908

This edition published by Read Books Ltd.

Copyright © 2019 Read Books Ltd.

This book is copyright and may not be

reproduced or copied in any way without

the express permission of the publisher in writing

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

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from the British Library

Dedicated To

The young wives

who desire the best for themselves,

for their husbands and for their offspring

Contents

THE ORIGIN OF MARRIAGE

PREFACE

CHAPTER I. INTELLIGENCE OF THE YOUNG WIFE.

CHAPTER II. HOME AND DRESS.

CHAPTER III. HEALTH OF THE YOUNG WIFE.

CHAPTER IV. THE CHOICE OF A HUSBAND.

CHAPTER V. WHAT SHALL A YOUNG WIFE EXPECT TO BE TO HER HUSBAND?

CHAPTER VI. TROUSSEAU AND WEDDING PRESENTS.

CHAPTER VII. THE MARITAL RELATIONS.

CHAPTER VIII. PREPARATION FOR MOTHERHOOD.

CHAPTER IX. PREPARATION FOR FATHERHOOD.

CHAPTER X. ANTENATAL INFANTICIDE.

CHAPTER XI. THE MORAL RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS IN HEREDITY.

CHAPTER XII. AILMENTS OF PREGNANCY.

CHAPTER XIII. DEVELOPMENT OF THE FŒTUS.

CHAPTER XIV. BABY’S WARDROBE.

CHAPTER XV. THE CHOICE OF PHYSICIAN AND NURSE.

CHAPTER XVI. THE BIRTH CHAMBER.

CHAPTER XVII. SURROUNDINGS AND AFTER-CARE OF THE MOTHER.

CHAPTER XVIII. CARE OF THE BABY.

CHAPTER XIX. THE MOTHER THE TEACHER.

CHAPTER XX. COMMON AILMENTS OF CHILDREN.

CHAPTER XXI. GUARDING AGAINST SECRET VICE.

CHAPTER XXII. THE TRAINING OF CHILDREN.

CHAPTER XXIII. BODY-BUILDING.

CHAPTER XXIV. MOTHERS’ MEETINGS, STUDY CLUBS AND BOOKS.

THE ORIGIN OF MARRIAGE

AN EXCERPT FROM

The History of Human Marriage

BY EDWARD WESTERMARCK

From remote antiquity we are told of kings and rulers who instituted marriage amongst their subjects. We read in ‘Mahâbhârata,’ the Indian poem, that formerly women were unconfined, and roved about at their pleasure, independent. Though in their youthful innocence, they went astray from their husbands, they were guilty of no offence; for such was the rule in early times. But Swêtakêtu, son of the Rishi Uddâlaka, could not bear this custom, and established the rule that thenceforward wives should remain faithful to their husbands and husbands to their wives. The Chinese annals recount that, in the beginning, men differed in nothing from other animals in their way of life. As they wandered up and down in the woods, and women were in common, it happened that children never knew their fathers, but only their mothers. The Emperor Fou-hi abolished, however, this indiscriminate intercourse of the sexes and instituted marriage. Again, the ancient Egyptians are stated to be indebted to Menes for this institution, and the Greeks to Kekrops. Originally, it is said, they had no idea of conjugal union; they gratified their desires promiscuously, and the children that sprang from these irregular connections always bore the mother’s name. But Kekrops showed the Athenians the inconvenience to society from such an abuse, and established the laws and rules of marriage. The remote Laplanders, also, sing about Njavvis and Attjis, who instituted marriage, and bound their wives by sacred oaths.

Popular imagination prefers the clear and concrete; it does not recognize any abstract laws that rule the universe. Nothing exists without a cause, but this cause is not sought in an agglomeration of external or internal forces; it is taken to be simple and palpable, a personal being, a god or a king. Is it not natural, then, that marriage, which plays such an important part in the life of the individual, as well as in that of the people, should be ascribed to a wise and powerful ruler, or to direct divine intervention?

With notions of this kind science has nothing to do. If we want to find out the origin of marriage, we have to strike into another path, the only one which can lead to the truth, but a path which is open to him alone who regards organic nature as one continued chain, the last and most perfect link of which is man. For we can no more stop within the limits of our own species, when trying to find the root of our psychical and social life, than we can understand the physical condition of the human race without taking into consideration that of the lower animals. I must, therefore, beg the reader to follow me into a domain which many may consider out of the way, but which we must, of necessity, explore in order to discover what we seek.

It is obvious that the preservation of the progeny of the lowest animals depends mainly upon chance. In the great sub-kingdom of the Invertebrata, even the mothers are exempted from nearly all anxiety as regards their offspring. In the highest order, the Insects, the eggs are hatched by the heat of the sun, and the mother, in most cases, does not even see her young. Her care is generally limited to seeking out an appropriate place for laying the eggs, and to fastening them to some proper object and covering them, if this be necessary for their preservation. Again, to the male’s share nothing falls but the function of propagation.

In the lowest classes of the Vertebrata, parental care is likewise almost unheard of. In the immense majority of species, young fishes are hatched without the assistance of their parents, and have, from the outset, to help themselves. Many Teleostei form, however, an exception; and, curiously enough, it is the male on which, in these cases, the parental duty generally devolves. In some instances he constructs a nest, and jealously guards the ova deposited in it by the female; while the male of certain species of Arius carries the ova about with him in his capacious pharynx. Most of the Reptiles place their eggs in a convenient and sunny spot between moss and leaves, and take no further trouble about them. But several of the larger serpents have a curious fashion of laying them in a heap, and then coiling themselves around them in a great hollow cone.And female Crocodiles, as also certain aquatic snakes of Cochin China, observed by Dr. Morice, carry with them even their young.

Among the lower Vertebrata it rarely happens that both parents jointly take care of their progeny. M. Milne Edwards states, indeed, that in the Pipa, or Toad of Surinam, the male helps the female to disburthen herself of her eggs; and the Chelonia are known to live in pairs. La femelle, says M. Espinas, vient sur les plages sablonneuses au moment de la ponte, accompagnée du mâle, et construit un nid en forme de four où la chaleur du soleil fait éclore les œufs. But it may be regarded as an almost universal rule that the relations of the sexes are utterly fickle. The male and female come together in the paring time; but having satisfied their sexual instincts they part again, and have nothing more to do with one another.

The Chelonia form, with regard to their domestic habits, a transition to the Birds, as they do also from a zoological and, particularly, from an embryological point of view. In the latter class, parental affection has reached a very high degree of development, not only on the mother’s side, but also on the father’s. Male and female help each other to build the nest, the former generally bringing the materials, the latter doing the work. In fulfilling the numberless duties of the breeding season, both birds take a share. Incubation rests principally with the mother, but the father, as a rule, helps his companion, taking her place when she wants to leave the nest for a moment, or providing her with food and protecting her from every danger. Finally, when the duties of the breeding season are over, and the result desired is obtained, a period with new duties commences. During the first few days after hatching, most birds rarely leave their young for long, and then only to procure food for themselves and their family. In cases of great danger, both parents bravely defend their offspring. As soon as the first period of helplessness is over, and the young have grown somewhat, they are carefully taught to shift for themselves; and it is only when they are perfectly capable of so doing that they leave the nest and the parents.

There are, indeed, a few birds that from the first day of their ultra-oval existence lack all parental care; and in some species, as the ducks, it frequently happens that the male leaves family duties wholly to the female. But, as a general rule, both share prosperity and adversity. The hatching of the eggs and the chief part of the rearing duties belong to the mother, whilst the father acts as protector, and provides food, &c.

The relations of the sexes are thus of a very intimate character, male and female keeping together not only during the breeding season, but also after it. Nay, most birds, with the exception of those belonging to the Gallinaceous family, when pairing, do so once for all till either one or the other dies. And Dr. Brehm is so filled with admiration for their exemplary family life, that he enthusiastically declares that real genuine marriage can only be found among birds.

This certainly cannot be said of most of the Mammals. The mother is, indeed, very ardently concerned for the welfare of her young, generally nursing them with the utmost affection, but this is by no means the case with the father. There are cases in which he acts as an enemy of his own progeny. But there are not wanting instances to the contrary, the connections between the sexes, though generally restricted to the time of the rut, being, with several species of a more durable character. This is the case with whales, seals, the hippopotamus, the Cervus campestris, gazelles, the Neotragus Hemprichii and other small antelopes,reindeer, the Hydromus coypus, squirrels, moles, the ichneumon, and some carnivorous animals, as a few cats and martens, the yaguarundi in South America, the Canis Brasiliensis, and possibly also the wolf. Among all these animals the sexes remain together even after the birth of the young, the male being the protector of the family.

What among lower Mammals is an exception, is among the Quadrumana a rule. The natives of Madagascar relate that in some species of the Prosimii, male and female nurse their young in common—a statement, however, which has not yet been proved to be true. The mirikina (Nyctipithecus trivirgatus) seems, according to Rengger, to live in pairs throughout the whole year, for, whatever the season, a male and a female are always found together. Of the Mycetes Caraya, Cebus Azarae, and Ateles paniscus, single individuals are very seldom, or never, seen, whole families being generally met with. Among the Arctopitheci, the male parent is expressly said to assist the female in taking care of the young ones.

The most interesting to us are, of course, the man-like apes. Diard was told by the Malays, and he found it afterwards to be true, that the young Siamangs, when in their helpless state, are carried about by their parents, the males by the father, the females by the mother. Lieutenant C. de Crespigny, who was wandering in the northern part of Borneo in 1870, gives the following description of the Orang-utan: They live in families—the male, female, and a young one. On one occasion I found a family in which were two young ones, one of them much larger than the other, and I took this as a proof that the family tie had existed for at least two seasons. They build commodious nests in the trees which form their feeding-ground, and, so far as I could observe, the nests, which are well lined with dry leaves, are only occupied by the female and young, the male passing the night in the fork of the same or another tree in the vicinity. The nests are very numerous all over the forests, for they are not occupied above a few nights, the mias (or Orang-utan) leading a roving life. According to Dr. Mohnike, however, the old males generally live with the females during the rutting season only; and Mr. Wallace never saw two full-grown animals together. But as he sometimes found not only females, but also males, accompanied by half-grown young ones, we may take for granted that the offspring of the Orang-utan are not devoid of all paternal care.

More unanimous are the statements which we have regarding the Gorilla. According to Dr. Savage, they live in bands, and all his informants agree in the assertion that but one adult male is seen in every band. It is said that when the male is first seen he gives a terrific yell that resounds far and wide through the forest.... The females and young at the first cry quickly disappear; he then approaches the enemy in great fury, pouring out his horrid cries in quick succession. Again, Mr. Du Chaillu found almost always one male with one female, though sometimes the old male wanders companionless; and Mr. Winwood Reade states likewise that the Gorilla goes sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by his female and young one. The same traveller was told that, when a family of Gorillas ascend a tree and eat a certain fruit, the old father remains seated at the foot of the tree. And when the female is pregnant, he builds a rude nest, usually about fifteen or twenty feet from the ground; here she is delivered, and the nest is then abandoned.

For more recent information about the Gorilla we are indebted to Herr von Koppenfells. He states that the male spends the night crouching at the foot of the tree, against which he places his back, and thus protects the female and their young, which are in the nest above, from the nocturnal attacks of leopards. Once he observed a male and female with two young ones of different ages, the elder being perhaps about six years old, the younger about one.

When all these statements are compared, it is impossible to doubt that the Gorilla lives in families, the male parent being in the habit of building the nest and protecting the family. And the same is the case with the Chimpanzee. According to Dr. Savage, it is not unusual to see ‘the old folks’ sitting under a tree regaling themselves with fruit and friendly chat, while ‘their children’ are leaping around them and swinging from branch to branch in boisterous merriment. And Herr von Koppenfells assures us that the Chimpanzee, like the Gorilla, builds a nest for the young and female on a forked branch, the male himself spending the night lower down in the tree.

Passing from the highest monkeys to the savage and barbarous races of man, we meet with the same phenomenon. With the exception of a few cases in which certain tribes are asserted to live together promiscuously—almost all of which assertions I shall prove further on to be groundless—travellers unanimously agree that in the human race the relations of the sexes are, as a rule, of a more or less durable character. The family consisting of father, mother, and offspring, is a universal institution, whether founded on a monogamous, polygynous, or polyandrous marriage. And, as among the lower animals having the same habit, it is to the mother that the immediate care of the children chiefly belongs, while the father is the protector and guardian of the family. Man in the savage state is generally supposed to be rather indifferent to the welfare of his wife and children, and this is really often the case, especially if he be compared with civilized man. But the simplest paternal duties are, nevertheless, universally recognized. If he does nothing else, the father builds the habitation, and employs himself in the chase and in war.

Thus, among the North American Indians, it was considered disgraceful for a man to have more wives than he was able to maintain. Mr. Powers says that among the Patwin, a Californian tribe which ranks among the lowest in the world, the sentiment that the men are bound to support the women—that is to furnish the supplies—is stronger even than among us. Among the Iroquois it was the office of the husband "to make a mat, to repair the cabin of his wife, or to construct a