My GRANDbaby E-Book

A special e-book for new and expecting grandparents
This e-book is excerpted from GRAND Magazine

www.ReadGrand.com
Сontents 3 Chapter 1
So, You’re Going To Be A
Grandparent
9 Chapter 2
41 Chapter 10
Go To Bed Sleepy head
45 Chapter 11
First Year Milestones
How New Grandparents Can
Support The New Mother 48 Chapter 12
Grandparenting 21st Century
13 Chapter 3 Style
Great Books For New
Grandparents 51 Chapter 13
Looking For Love In All The
17 Chapter 4 Right Places
Summer In Full Bloom
54 Chapter 14
21 Chapter 5 How Grandparents Can Start Off
Your Grandbaby’s Amazing Brain On The Right Foot
25 Chapter 6 58 Chapter 15
Over The River And Through
Give
Your Sleeping, Waking, Crying,
The Woods Eating, Rocking, Rolling, Sitting,
the GIFT OF GRAND… 29 Chapter 7 Crawling Grandbaby
Just click here! Movin’ And Groovin’ 61 Chapter 16
33 Chapter 8 The Ever-Blossoming
What Kind of Grandparent Will Independence of Infants
You Be?
64 Chapter 17
36 Chapter 9 Ten Ways Being A Grandparent
The Perfect Grandbaby Changes You
2 GRAND
Click here for Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Along with the news often comes a realization that everything has changed since you
O
ther than the awaited birth of your children, little in life compares to learning that became a parent and that you will want to play a vital role in the new baby’s life, without
your first grandchild is scheduled to arrive. As anyone who’s had the joyful experience overstepping or interfering—and how does one successfully do that?
knows, it’s more relaxing than the arrival of your first child in many ways—as you This is why we’re creating a new “Special Section” titled My GRANDBaby, in which we’ll
won’t be responsible for the day-to-day care—and deeper in some ways—as it really strikes provide the latest and greatest information—everything you’ll need or want to know for a
home the continuation of family, the new generation now springing forth from your line. happy, smooth, successful step into grandparenting.
Most say it makes them feel deeply connected to their children in new ways, and more deeply As you anticipate the joyous arrival, we hope you’ll turn to us for information and inspira-
connected to life itself. tion, and share your experiences with us!
3 GRAND
So you’re going to be a grandparent!

T
he first image that comes to Two tips for having it go smoothly
mind is that angelic little bundle • The news they’re sharing is a fact, so
wrapped in pink or blue gazing now is not the time to question if they’ve
up at you. A new life. A new little some- thought this through. Certain questions
one to spoil with time and things you are better left unasked: “Can you afford
couldn’t give your own children. a child? Do you have room? What about
your job?” All imply a lack of confidence in
When the news arrives, be happy the prospective parents. Instead, ask ques-
While learning of a pregnancy should tions they’d rather answer, such as “How
be exciting for prospective parents and are you feeling?” and “When is the baby
grandparents alike, the news isn’t always due?”
welcomed: for instance, when it involves • In the case of an unexpected pregnancy—
teenage or unmarried daughters or young especially between unmarried parents who
couples with limited income. Whatever don’t live together—you might initially
the circumstances, remember that your feel angry and want to blame them for
response to the news can color your being irresponsible. If your daughter is the
entire relationship with the parents and mother-to-be, you might feel foreboding
grandchild, even before that child is born. about how the pregnancy and birth might
Bringing a new life into the world adversely affect her life. You might be
should be a joyous occasion for a couple, embarrassed to tell your friends. And, self-
so be happy for them. And be happy they ishly or not, you might worry about what
decided to share the news with you. Be role you’ll be asked to play. Resist reacting
positive. Remember, aside from being in a way you might later regret.
excited, the parents-to-be probably are
nervous and scared. Your reassurance will To limit the risk of offending the expect-
bolster their confidence throughout the ant parents, always be sensitive to the
pregnancy and birth. parents’ wishes.
4 reasons why you shouldn’t “spread the news”
4 GRAND
Should you dust off your child’s crib?

When it comes to gift giving,
keep safety and practicality in mind
A
s your child is planning for the newest then visit a baby department store to ensure that
member of your growing family, how the products you purchase meet the most recent
sweet the vision of your new grandchild safety standards.
in that pretty, white crib she (or he) slept in, or in
the antique highchair you refinished so long ago. A few practical suggestions
They just need a little dusting or repainting, right? Not sure what to get? Three inexpensive gift sug-
Beware! Safety standards have changed consider- gestions: an audio monitor for the baby’s room, a
ably in the past 20 or so years. rear-view mirror to check on the rear-facing baby
• That crib may be coated with lead-based in the back seat, diapers to be delivered regularly
paint or have widely spaced bars that can trap for that first six months.
little heads. Highchairs also might have lead-based When thinking gift giving, antiquated baby
paint or might topple easily. equipment is not likely to bring the type of grati-
• A sturdy, newly crafted chair might be the tude you’d desire. Big showy gifts may or may not
best choice. Infant car-seat designs have been be appreciated. Going with very practical gifts,
altered extensively in the past several years to however, that make that first six months or year
keep up with the latest safety standards; for easier will send the message that you’re very inter-
instance, federal law requires infants be trans- ested in the safety and welfare of both mom and
ported in rear-facing car seats and secured in the grandbaby.
back seat of any vehicle with a passenger-side air
bag. Consider the gift of time
So, before you rush out to the nearest baby Sometimes, one of the best gifts you can offer the
superstore, consider this: Perhaps the best gift new parents is a few days (or even a week) of a
you can give the parents-to-be is a check or cash baby nurse’s services the first week the new baby
to buy new, approved baby items. If you prefer to is at home. That way, you can come visit, admire,
pick a present, ask the parents what they need, and not overstay your welcome.
5 GRAND
Welcome to the World!

F
inally, the big day has arrived! Hopefully, you’ve commu-
nicated with both parents long before mom went into
labor about how you might help during and after the birth
and when you might visit the baby. Honor the wishes of the
mom-to-be, whether she wants to have her baby delivered by a
doctor or midwife, in the hospital or at home. It’s her body.
Clear the time in advance so you can be present if
needed; certain circumstances might call for your help. For
example, a young, unmarried mother might need a hand to
hold. Even if the new mother doesn’t need your help, if you
live close enough to the hospital, you might still go there to
be with the new father and see the baby.
Long distance participation

If you live too far away, just tap into technology. As soon as
the baby is born, I’ll bet the new father will have digital pic-
tures to send via text and e-mail. You’ll be able to see birth
pictures on the same day—no matter how far away you are.
These days, fathers typically play an important role during
the birthing process. Many even stay in the hospital room to A homecoming to the parents. Visit or arrange a visit from someone close
bond with the baby. So, if you plan to visit the new baby, you When the baby—or babies (we’ll address multiple births in a to take an older sibling for an outing or a family pet for a
might offer to help at the couple’s house by taking care of a moment)—comes home, be mindful of the needs of both the walk. Offer to shop for needed items; diapers always seem
family pet, retrieving phone messages, and gathering mail. new parents and the baby. Ask how both parents are feel- to run out in the middle of the night.
If the mother is having a Caesarean, she may need help as ing—don’t forget dad—and what they need. Sleep depriva- The birth of twins, triplets or more might mean hospital
soon as she comes home—she’ll be prohibited from lifting tion is a major challenge for new parents. vigils if the little ones are in incubators and might require
anything other than the baby for several weeks. childcare for any siblings remaining at home. When the
Things you can do to help babies come home, their care might prove overwhelming
The “other” grandparents Offer to rock the baby and let mommy sleep; Change a for the parents. In this case, grandparents can be godsends
Coordinate your visit with the other grandparents, if pos- diaper; prepare a bottle if the baby is not breast-feeding. in offering the extra hands necessary to tend to the new
sible, but don’t necessarily defer to them if the mother is Offer to cook or pick up meals, or contact a local restaurant infants.
your stepdaughter or daughter-in-law. After all, you may live or chef about having prepared meals delivered. Offer to
clean the house and do laundry, send in your own cleaning
closer than the other grandparents, be better able to take Click here for more tips
time off from work or activities, or be in better health. person or call a reputable cleaning service if it’s agreeable
6 GRAND
Top Six Mistakes New Grandparents Should Avoid

BY CHRISTINE CROSBY
T 
oday’s grandparents are learning Laugh or gasp when they
new roles and becoming more tell you the name
involved in their grandchildren’s This generation’s choices are different than
lives. But good intentions, excitement, yours. When your kids announce they want to
and a desire to pitch in can sometimes be name the baby “North,” your response must
misinterpreted. Here are six mistakes to be positive (“Wow!” is always a good answer.)
avoid: Practice this in advance! I was told about one
grandmother who received a call from the new
 Spread the news far and wide

Feel honored that they shared their
secret with you, and make sure the par-
dad as soon as the baby was born. He told her
the birth went fine and announced they had
named the baby Horatio. Her knee-jerk reac-
ents-to-be are ready to spread the news tion was to blurt out “You’ve got to be kidding.”
before you tell anyone else. Sometimes Luckily, her son has a sense of humor—but she’s
they have reasons for not wanting the still living that down.
world to know too soon—concern for
the progress of a first pregnancy, or
job-related issues. One young woman
came from an upbringing where it was
 Act like a baby expert
Baby-raising techniques have changed
since you did it. The experts are different, the
considered “bad luck” to talk about the books are different. The babies who used to sleep
pregnancy before three months, but her on their stomachs now sleep on their backs for a
husband couldn’t wait to tell his mother. good reason. Rather than offering medical advice,
Of course, she was excited to compare another approach might be to pick up a copy of a
grandparenting notes with her son’s current guide to pregnancy and birth for the new
in-laws the next time they met—too parents. The first time this really comes to light
bad their daughter hadn’t told them! is when the new mother brings her baby home.
The birth announcement is probably With hospital stays so short these days, often one
your very first exchange as a “grandpar- of the grandmothers comes to help during the
ent-to-be” and it’s a good time to estab- first week. I know one grandmother so insistent
lish that you will respect their wishes on her views about the feeding schedule that the
where your grandchild is concerned. parents finally asked her to go home.
Click here to see 4, 5, & 6!
7 GRAND
Call me Ishmael. . . or not!

Everyone gets a new identity and you can choose yours
F
inally the moment arrives and your first grandbaby enters On the other hand, current “fad” names might be too
your world. You’ve probably seen the bumper sticker prolific by the time the baby is born. It’s impossible to please
that says, “If I’d known grandchildren were so much fun, I everyone. So, when the new parents choose a name, accept
would have had them first.” Ask any grandparent. They’ll echo it not only without criticism, but rather with a compliment.
that sentiment. Ready or not, that little someone is about to Chances are that many hours of thought and compromise
change your life—in big ways. have been invested in their decision.
Honor the name the parents chose Honor the baby’s unique attributes
When it comes to names, the safest approach is not to sug- To foster positive feelings, start imme-
gest them unless you’re asked. It’s the parents’ responsibility diately to make the child part of the
to decide. Let them choose without any pressure. After family. Call him (or her) by his given
all, family names might seem too old-fashioned or favor name or the parents’ chosen nick- family. It’s a natural inclination, but one that can alienate
one relative over another. name. Terms of endearment, other family members.
however well intended, might
confuse him. Soon he will Who do you want to be?
respond to hearing his own One question that seems to pop up in every family is “What
name and develop his own will the baby call you?” Sure, your grandchild can’t even
personality. Refer to the baby speak yet. But how many ways can you say “grandma” or
as “he” or “she,” not “it.” Avoid “grandpa”? Especially today, when great-grandparents often
“baby talk,” but rather speak are still alive, and there might be step-grandparents as well,
in simple sentences using adult there might not be enough names to go around. (See Grand
words so he will learn to talk Central for a list of ethnic names that may inspire you.)
properly. If you have other grandchildren, you might request that all
All babies are individuals, not use the same name. Then again, that name may already refer
carbon copies of their parents— to one of the other grandparents. You can state a preference,
or grandparents. Remarking but don’t be surprised if the parents call you something else
on “Grandma’s eyes” or around the child, or if the child coins his own name for you.
“Uncle Jim’s chin” might The important thing is that, whatever name that precious
appear to exclude grandbaby calls you, he or she grows to love you. Check out
the other side of the grandparent names here.
8 GRAND
Chapter 2
How new grandparents can support the new mother

W
hether it’s your daughter or your daughter-in-law, doling out advice on everything from breast-feeding to baby lead. When you make suggestions, couch them in terms of
having her first baby is a really big deal for her. She will strollers, take a step back.” what worked for you as a new mom, not what your daughter/
need lots of support, but be careful not to over-step. Dr. Hutcherson suggests you can be supportive from a daughter-in-law “should” or “shouldn’t” do.
According to Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. and OB-GYN, “There distance. Prevent fights and bad feelings by making your- Got a great tip for getting the baby to sleep? Say some-
is a fine between being eager to help and overbearing. Before self available to pitch in — and then follow your daughter’s thing like, “I found this really helpful when you were a child.”
9 GRAND Continued on next page

Offer to baby-sit Learn the signs of postpartum depression
Buying cute baby clothes and expensive toys are obvious Rapidly decreasing post-baby hormones may make your
ways to give your grandchildren attention, but one of daughter weepy, so a joyful event could leave her teary-eyed
the best things you can do is give the new parents a gift instead. Fortunately, these feelings typically resolve them-
money can’t buy: time off. selves within a few weeks of giving birth. If they last longer,
Remember, when baby-sitting your grandchild, she may have postpartum depression (PPD). This manifests
follow your daughter’s preferred child-rearing tech- as feelings of sadness, doubt, guilt or helplessness that
niques, rather than providing the care you think is best. get worse over time. If these symptoms interfere with
We know there is a lot of fun stuff and humor about normal functioning, she might want to check with
the relationship between parents and grandparents, but her doctor. This postpartum guide can also help.
this is serious business. There are hundreds of thou- Adjusting to parenthood is tough for new
sands (maybe millions) of grandparents who are kept fathers too. Although there’s not much
from seeing their grandchildren because of fractured research on the subject, PPD may affect
families. Don’t let this happen to you. If you see signs 25%-50% of new fathers, particularly stay-
of this happening, GRAND’s own Dr. Pat Hanson has at-home dads and those whose partners
advice to help. are also experiencing it.
Let the new mother know she can come to you

with concerns. But realize you may need to broach
the topic first. You can do that by gently acknowl-
edging her emotions, saying, “It’s the hormones –
really. Great moms have these feelings.”
So, as you can see, there is a lot to this new
grandparenting stuff, but don’t get overwhelmed,
generally speaking, you will find that using your best
judgment is all the guidance you need.
10 GRAND
Keeping baby safe while sleeping

BY TERRY CRALLE, RN, MS
S
leep is critical for every family member—young and
old alike. Sufficient sleep is foundational for good
health and optimum functioning, and it’s manda-
tory for proper brain development and learning in babies
and young children, who are learning at a rate never again
achieved at any time during the life cycle. So it’s imperative
to make sufficient sleep a priority for all family members.
Bedtime Routine: One study of over 400 babies demon-
strated that babies who follow a nightly bedtime routine
went to sleep easier, slept better, and cried out less often in
the night. Children should have a consistent, predictable and
relaxing routine leading up to bedtime.
Sleep Safely: Babies sleep safest on their backs. Safe to
Sleep is a public education campaign that focuses on reduc-
ing the risk of SIDS and other sleep-related causes of infant
death, such as accidental suffocation, that might occur as a
result of an unsafe sleep environment. The SIDS rate in the
United States has dropped by 50 percent since awareness
campaigns that stressed back sleeping for babies started in
1994. “Safe Sleep for Your Grandbaby,” has good guidelines. Self-Soothing: Let babies learn to self soothe by putting the new training, and parents will need to start all over. The
them to bed while they are on the verge of sleep, not after best way to show your love for your grandchildren is to know
they have fallen asleep. When babies and young children are and abide by their sleep schedules.
National Sleep Foundation self-soothers, bedtime and nighttime awakenings tend to be
Guidelines less difficult. Click here to read more great tips!
• newborns (0–3 months): 14-–17 hours each day Swaddling: This involves snugly wrapping an infant to calm
• infants: (3-12 months): 12–15 hours and foster sleep. However, it is important not to make the
• toddlers (1–2 years): 11–14 hours blanket too loose (to avoid suffocation) or too tight (which Terry Cralle, a Registered Nurse, Certified Clinical
• preschoolers: 10–13 hours may cause overheating). Sleep.Org provides a step-by-step Sleep Educator, and Certified Professional in
guide of the swaddling process. Healthcare Quality, co-authored Snoozby and the
• school age children: 9-11 hours Great Big Bedtime Battle with W. David Brown PhD.
• teenagers (14-17): 8-10 hours. Sabotaging Sleep: Letting children stay up later or She’s also a national spokesperson for the Better
co-sleeping might seem like a special treat, but it can set back Sleep Council.
11 GRAND
Getting ready for baby Forget the bling, gift a sling

Holding your baby close is one of the best ways to reinforce
bonding, so slipping them into a natural-fiber, woven sling,
that anyone can use when caring for baby, seems like a great
idea. According to Oscha Slings, the first jacquard woven
sling company in Great Britain, using woven wraps to carry
babies and toddlers has multiple health benefits:
• Improves bonding and attachment, as close contact increases
the release of oxytocin, which reduces anxiety for mother/
father and baby.
• Increases levels of interaction for carriers and babies, which
Lights, camera, baby!
Your new grandbaby is so
stimulates brain development.
adorable he (or she!) deserves
• Increases positive touch, which encourages brain maturation.
to be monitored in beautiful
• Reduces crying—research found babies carried for 1-2 hours
720p HD resolution. The
a day cry 43% less overall and 54% in the evening hours.
Click here to knit this hat • Lowers instances of colic and reflux, thanks to upright
Samsung BrightVIEW Baby
Video Monitoring System allows
position and close contact with caregiver.
Knit, purl, relax . . . repeat caregivers to keep an eye on
You can find baby slings everywhere, but if you want top
Dr. Herbert Benson, author of The Relaxation Response, says that the the grandbaby in crystal clear
quality, luxury fabrics, Oscha Slings has some gorgeous
repetitive action of needlework helps you achieve a relaxed state, similar high definition. This pan, tilt,
options. They’re great for newborns, but can be used well
to what occurs while meditating and practicing yoga—which we already and zoom video monitor has all
into toddler stage so become a lasting gift new parents (or
know is very good for your brain. Though you may struggle a little while the high-end features you could
grandparents) will love.
learning to knit, once you become even semi-adept at clacking those want. Night vision, a 5” touch
needles, studies have shown that knitting and crocheting can lower screen, ability to play lullabies,
heart rate and blood pressure and reduce harmful blood levels of the motion detection, and two-way
stress hormone cortisol. The joy and pride that comes with completing audio. It’s a great way to keep a
needlework has also been shown to boost self-esteem. Even fathers watchful eye on your grandbaby,
have taken up knitting as a way to calm nerves, and some crafters have without having to sneak into the
reported that knitting helped them kick cigarettes and snack less between nursery while they sleep.
meals. It also seems to help ease depression and chronic pain—and
following complicated instructions has been shown to promote the growth Samsung BrightVIEW
of neural pathways in the brain that improve cognitive health, and improve Baby Video Monitor | ($229)
memory retention. And new parents will love the handcrafted gifts. So Full review & demo
select a project, pick up those needles, and knit away. of BabyVIEW Monitor
12 GRAND
Chapter 3
How new grandparents

can learn everything they need to know –
in just 13 books
Y
es, we’re kidding! We GRANDparents can’t know every- seems so simple and yet it’s critical for that new grandbaby learn the latest and greatest techniques for getting baby to
thing, but we sure do try to keep up, especially on and their parents. Of course helping new grands is what this sleep from two of our favorite experts, William Sears, MD and
important topics like safety and sleep. Ah…sleep…it special section is all about. For example, check this out to Martha Sears, RN. But, there is so much more …

The 13 best books for new GRANDparents

1. Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of Your Grandchild’s First Year
by Cheryl Harbour and foreword by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Journalist and new grandmother Cheryl Harbour gets right to the point of what modern
grandparents really need to know from the time they begin anticipating the birth to the
end of the first year. Harbour takes the best and most relevant information from the latest
research, expert interviews, and thick parenting books and tailors it specifically for grand-
2016 parents, recognizing the unique bond they share with their children’s children. Each chapter
provides interesting facts and observations about what has remained the same and what
has changed about childcare over the years, what you can do to support the physical and
emotional wellbeing of your grandchild, and, most important, what you can do to make
the most of the experience.
LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE FOR AWESOME GRANDPARENTS!
13 BEST BOOKS
FOR NEW GRANDPARENTS
2. Today’s Grandmother: Your

Guide to the First Two Years by
Angela Bowen
Angela Bowen, a registered nurse and
grandmother explores the most up-to-date
Each year we select what we think are the best new facts about pregnancy and birth, plus teach
books for grandparents. This year, in recognition of our you the latest baby care, infant nutrition,
sleep, equipment, and safety.
new My GRANDbaby section, we focused on books that
will appeal to new GRANDparents. Back in 2004, when
we launched GRAND Magazine, there were not a lot of 4. The Grandest
choices, but with the explosion of baby boomer grands, Love: Inspiring
3. Becoming Grandma: The the Grandparent-
this book category is growing as fast as our grandkids. To Joys and Science of the New Grandchild Connection
help us make our selections for this year’s recognition of Grandparenting by Lesley Stahl by Jerry Witkovsky
Along with her personal accounts, Leslie Stahl This book provides a fresh
the 13 Best Books for New Grandparents, we asked fellow speaks with scientists and doctors about phys- approach to questions about
members of the GRANDparent Network to pitch in. If we iological changes that occur in women when how families can stay connected
they have grandchildren; anthropologists and how grandparents can stay
missed one of your favorites, please shoot us an email to about why there are grandmothers. relevant in this rapidly changing
editor@grandmagazine.com and let us know about it. world.

5. The Grandparents 8. The Good Granny

Handbook: Games, 11. The Essential Grandparent:
Guide by Jane
Activities, Tips, How- A Guide to Making a
Fearnley-Whittingstall
Tos, and all Around Fun This book offers whole range of Difference by Dr. Lillian Carson
by Elizabeth Laban practical advice to help you to Dr. Lillian Carson is a nationally
If you are a grandparent looking make the most of the time you renowned authority on child devel-
for lots of cool, fun activities to spend with your grandchildren, as opment, parenting and grandpar-
do with your g-kids, this book is babies, as toddlers, and through enting. The Essential Grandparent is
for you. the primary school years. a reader-friendly guide.
Ask Grandma Karen:

Savvy Advice to
Soothe Parent- 9. The Grandparents’ 12. The Grandparent Guide:
Grandparent Book by Miriam The Definitive Guide to Coping
Conflicts, Vol II by Stoppard with the Challenges of Modern
The Grandparents Book con-
Karen L. Rancourt, Ph.D. tains reassuring advice, experi-
Grandparenting by Arthur
Karen Rancourt offers grand- ence, and wisdom from child- Kornhaber, M.D.
parents sterling advice on care expert Dr. Miriam Stoppard, This book by the renowned grandparent-
all manner of family mat- a grandmother herself several ing expert, Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., will
ters, especially in regards to times over. It is full of activity help you through the experience of being
modern relationships and wor- ideas, experience, and wisdom. a new grandparent today.
ries involving grandchildren.
7. When Being a 10. Glorious

Grandma Isn’t So Grand Grandparenting: Having 13. The Granny Diaries: An
by Donne Davis the Time of Your Life with Insider’s Guide for New
In case you think it’s easy being Your Grandchildren by Grandmothers by Adair Lara
a successful grandparent, Gloria Hunniford According to Lisa Carpenter of
think again. This new life stage If you want to have fun with your GrandmasBriefs.com, “This was the first
comes with serious challenges. grandkids, this is the book for you. grandmother book I purchased when I
Author, Donne Davis of the Grandparenting is not what it used became a grandma. The author is real
GaGaSisterhood.com, shares to be. For the younger genera- about the ins and outs of grandparenting.
the keys to building a loving relation, an apple or blackberry has a No fluffy, cootchi-coo stuff, but oozing
tionship with your grandchild’s whole new meaning and they will with love and laughter.” This delightful
parents and fostering empathy never know what it means to ‘wait guide gives new grandmas clear direction
between the generations. for the TV to warm up’. on how to navigate foreign territory.
15 GRAND
Give the gift of sleep and more...

One family’s heartbreak inspires
a baby’s heartbeat
Brett and Stephanie Parker were featured on ABC’s Shark
Tank where they shared their story of losing a baby and
Grandparents are sometimes overwhelmed by the many choices how their customers helped them heal in a unique way.
of gifts to shower upon the new baby, right? Here at GRAND we think After the show aired, they were so touched by all the
one of the best and first gifts to give is something to help ensure that people who reached out to them but one particular email
precious baby sleeps well, which means mom and dad get to sleep stood out, one from expecting mother, Kelly Blumenthal.
too. A well-rested family is a happy family, so our research led us to Kelly was inspired by the Parkers’ loss to fight for the support system through the many challenging months
Sleepingbaby.com and their amazing product, zipadee-zip. baby in her womb that doctors told her had little to no at the hospital. Stephanie Parker, the inventor of the
The Zipadee-Zip wearable blanket provides a womb-like environ- chance at life. Little Finn was born on January 2, 2015. Zipadee-Zip, designed the Finn print Zipadee-Zip and
ment, while also offering the full range of movement to roll over and Finn means “little warrior” and, true to his name, he Flying Squirrel PJ to help raise money for this amazing
wiggle around safely and freely. The slight resistance in the arm-span began to fight. The Ronald McDonald House was their organization and family.
helps soothe the startle reflex and will often work to ensure sounder
sleep. Even with the full enclosure the Zipadee-Zip provides, babies
can pick up and put in their pacifier or play with a toy while wearing
it. It keeps loose
blankets out of the
crib and is also safe
to be worn while a
Sleepingbaby.com has
baby is buckled into
lots more to offer, like
a car seat or stroller.
this adorable tutu dress,
It keeps those little
the hand-knitted tartan
hands warm all
Zippy OneZ. So let your
night and prevents
fingers do the walking,
scratching. It’s also
or in this case, “the click-
perfect for keeping
ing,” and check them
germs at bay on
out right here.
airplanes, in doctor’s
offices, and in gro-
cery stores.
Hand knitted tutu dress Zippy OneZ Knitted Tartan Zippy OneZ
16 GRAND
Chapter 4 Summer
in full
bloom
W
hat a great time to be alive! Babies
experiencing spring and summer for the
first time are lucky, indeed, because the
world is blossoming all around them. Grandparents
can take advantage of the season to introduce their
grandbabies to fresh air, birdsongs, and flowers – all
of which are the beginnings of a lifelong affinity for
nature.
With some common sense and the latest infor-
mation about dealing safely with the sun and other
summer facts of life, being outdoors together
can be a terrific bonding activity for you and your
GRANDbaby.
—Cheryl Harbour, Section Editor
17 GRAND
Hello, sunshine
BY CHERYL HARBOUR case of serious sunburn advises waiting until the baby is 6 months old; the
during infancy or childhood American Academy of Pediatrics approves using
can double the chances of sunscreen on infants’ exposed skin if other means of
getting melanoma (the most protection are not available.
serious kind of skin cancer) later http://www.skincancer.org/prevention/
in life. sun-protection/children/infants
Sunburns can even be a medi-
cal emergency for a very young child, Sun protective clothing
causing dehydration, high fever, blisters, NoZone Clothing Clothing with built-in sun protection was originally
infections, chills, and heatstroke. Company: Baby Sun Shades developed for surfers and called “rash guards.”
(3 colors available)
Experts at the Skin Cancer Your GRANDBABY won’t be surfing for a while,
Foundation recommend but many companies offer protective clothing for
keeping the baby in shade as much as possible even non-surfers. These clothes are rated for sun protec-
for the first six months of life. That means avoid- tion using the terms SPF (Sun Protection Factor) or UPF
ing the sunniest places on the sunniest days
Coolibar (On left) Beach One-Piece Swimsuit during the sunniest hours (10 a.m. to 4 p.m.).
(On right) Baby Rash Guard and Sun Bucket Hat
When you are out for a stroll, use the carriage
M
ost adults who grew up before hood or sun umbrella or wide-brimmed hat
sunscreens were developed and to keep that tender baby skin in the shade.
made commonly available are Sunglasses are also a good idea.
paying for it now with various kinds of sun Car windows do not provide sun protec-
damage, from minor dark spots to major tion, so keep the baby shaded there, too.
problems such as skin cancer. But it Some cars have UV protection tints on
doesn’t have to be that way for your their window, but if not, you can use
grandbaby. removable window shields. UV Skinz: Baby Boy Panel and Baby Girl Ruffle Sun & Swim Shirt
Babies are particularly susceptible There isn’t complete agreement
to sunburn because their skin is so thin about when to use sunscreen on an (Ultraviolet Protection Factor). A factor of 50% is stan-
and has very little melanin, the pigment infant. The chemicals in sunscreens aren’t dard. Some companies offering sun protective clothing for
that gives color to skin. Babies with darker absorbed through the skin, but infants can babies include: Coolibar, UVSkinz, Nozone Clothing Co. and
skin have more melanin, but should still Solartex: Baby/Toddler Boys Long lick their hands or arms if sunscreen has been Solarte.
be protected. It’s now known that a single Sleeve Sun Protective Surf Suit applied there. The Skin Cancer Foundation
18 GRAND
More sun safety tips for grandbabies . . . and grands!

BY CHERYL HARBOUR
Sun protection is for
O
ftentimes abbreviations become
so commonplace that we forget
grandparents, too
Yes, well into our nineties (and beyond if
what they stand for and how to
you’re lucky), all grands should take steps to
interpret them. SPF, for example, stands
protect their skin while in the sun. Luckily,
for Sun Protection Factor. Sunscreens
there are companies making sun protec-
marked SPF 15 or SPF 50 or even SPF
tive clothing that is stylish, fun, and func-
75 differs in the amount of time skin
tional. A few that we particularly liked are
is supposedly protected from the sun.
some splashy “Hawaiian” swim shorts for
For example, SPF 15 gives skin 15 hours
granddads and a fetching “athleisure”
more protection than if no sunscreen was
jacket for grandmoms.
applied. As your new GRANDbaby gets older, you can help them
SPF ratings apply to UVB rays. These Coolibar understand how important it is to protect their skin in the sun.
rays cause reddening, sunburn, and Swim Jacket Here’s a video aimed at young children to help them develop
damage to the skin’s outer layer (the epi- $85 healthy sun protection habits.
dermis) where typically the least serious
cases of skin cancer occur. Continuous More summer safety tips
exposure to these rays causes damage to Keeping your grandbabies safe pres- sunscreen needs to be reapplied
accumulate, whereas a blistering sunburn ents many challenges. Here are a few often and bug repellent shouldn’t be
is most likely to cause the most serious summer-related safety tips all grands applied more than once a day. Wash
skin cancer: melanoma. should know: the repellent off when you get back
The other kind of rays – UVA rays – Heat: Babies are especially vulner- inside.
reach further into the dermal layer of the able to heat stroke, so limit activities Pools, puddles, and buckets:
skin and can impact collagen and elastic on very hot days. Splashing around in a baby pool is
tissue (very bad for wrinkles!). The skin Bugs: The American Academy of fun and can be refreshing but stay
“tans” or darkens because it’s trying to Pediatrics advises against using insect attentive at all times. Even a few
protect itself from further damage. repellent on infants less than two inches of water can be dangerous to
Broad-spectrum sunscreens are best months of age. For babies older than an infant.
because they provide protection against two months, choose a product with Open windows: Be aware of set-
both kinds of rays, but higher SPFs are not Coolibar 30% or less of the ingredient “Deet.” ting even a very young infant where
much more effective than a SPF 30 or SPF Island Swim Trunks It’s better not to use a combination they could roll toward an open
50. Nothing provides 100% protection. $69.50 sunscreen and bug repellent because window or an unsecured screen.
19 GRAND
A beautiful grandbaby… right from the beginning Wonder Granny

If you are wondering about
BY CHERYL HARBOUR something related to your new
GRANDbaby or GRANDbaby-
F
to-be, we’ll find the answer.
or months, you’ve been antic- Contact: editor@grandmaga-
ipating this moment - the zine.com with your question.
Here’s what one grand-to-be was
first look at your brand new
wondering:
grandbaby - and finally the moment
comes. Of course, your GRANDbaby Are souvenir
is beautiful beyond belief, no matter ultrasounds safe?
Q. One of my friends showed me
what he or she looks like. Even so, a photo of her grandchild-to-be,
you may have a few concerns about taken at what she called an ultra-
bumps, bruises, odd-shaped heads, sound boutique. I thought ultra-
sounds were a medical test. Is this
and so on. Here’s what you need to
something new and should I sug-
know: gest it to my pregnant daughter?
• Not every baby is born with a
A. There are some so-called
perfectly shaped head. The trip “ultrasound boutiques” offering
through the birth canal may result in 3-D or 4-D ultrasound images
as a keepsake, but it’s not some-
a less-than-round shape. The bones
thing everyone should rush to
of a newborn’s skull are soft and the do. Although ultrasounds taken
shape of the head will continue to for medical reasons (by a pro-
change in coming weeks. fessional technician) are safe,
the FDA discourages elective
• Some babies arrive with bruises ultrasounds at non-medical com-
or blotches. Usually that comes from mercial locations because the
bumping into the mom’s pelvic bone ultrasound process does warm
body tissue and longterm effects
or may result from forceps being used.
are not known.
• Newborns often have puffy eyes.
In some cases, so puffy the newborn
can’t open them until the puffiness
recedes, which can take a few days. • The color of a newborn’s eyes and • In time your GRANDbaby will Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of our
• Skin conditions can range from red hair may change. Eyes can take six reveal his or her unique look. We’re “My GRANDbaby” section and author of
Good to Be Grand: making the Most of your
rashes to tiny white specks to yellowish, months or longer to show their true confident it will be beautiful and Grandchild’s First Year, a combination of
seedy-looking bumps. These typically color. Newborn hair may fall out and healthy. up-to-date information and grandparently
go away in a matter of days or weeks. come in a new hue. inspiration.
20 GRAND
Chapter 5
Your
grandbaby’s
amazing brain
S
cientists once believed that infants didn’t have much for parents and grandparents who stare into those big eyes • When they laugh, do they really think something
happening mentally. All they were capable of doing to try to imagine what their baby/grandbaby is thinking. For is funny?
was eating, sleeping, and other bodily functions. Most instance:
people assumed they were all reflex and no reason. But as • Do they recognize their own name when it’s spoken? Neuroscientists are definitely making progress in finding the
testing methods have improved, a whole science around • Can they tell the difference between their parents’ faces answers, so read on to see what they now know.
understanding a baby’s brain has taken hold. It’s fascinating and those of strangers?
21 GRAND
Your grandbaby is wired to learn

Six ways to make
playtime a learning
experience
B 1
abies are born with 100 billion
Choose the right time. When
neurons, and by the time they
a baby is quiet and alert, rather
are three years old, they will have
1,000 trillion neurons. In fact, from birth than active and squirming, his or her
through age three, a human brain grows brain will be more ready to focus.
to about 80 percent of its capacity. What’s
2
happening is sometimes called ”brain
Young babies want sensory
wiring.” Connections between brain cells
stimulation – so you’ll do well
are being generated constantly and rap-
to concentrate on sight, sound, and
idly, until around age ten or eleven, when
touch.
the brain becomes more selective and
begins to discard connections that are
3
rarely used. Babies like sharp and contrast-
In other words, young babies’ brains ing colors more than muted
are wired to learn. Scientists now know
tones.
that they actually have more of the
chemical that makes brains change
4
connections more easily. They also have Babies under six months prefer
fewer inhibitory transmitters that pre- to gaze sideways rather than
vent neurons from firing. So babies are looking straight up at something.
living, breathing, learning machines. The Encourage your grandchild to track
fact that they are dependent on others objects by moving a toy from one
is part of the master plan, too. Scientists side of their sight line to another.
have found that the more complex and
intelligent a species is, the longer the
offspring take to reach maturity and
independence – and human are at the
top of that list.
5 Introduce your GRANDbaby to
his or her own face in the mirror.
For expert insights into those tiny,

developing brains, see the next page.
6 Read, talk, and sing through-
out your time together.
22 GRAND
Research reveals how babies think

1 Babies are particularly interested in faces.
They like the contrast of skin and eyes and
hair and mouth – and they prefer faces to other
contrasting objects.
2 When looking at photos, they prefer the

photos of people who are the same gender
as their primary caregiver.
3 Laughing is a form of socialization for

babies. So when they laugh, they may not
actually ”get” what’s funny, but it shows they
are having fun.
4 They seem to recognize – and react more to

– sounds they heard when they were in the
womb, such as familiar voices and certain music.
5 Babies are born imitators.
6 Babies prefer their native tongue.
7 Babies stay more engaged when they see

something unexpected, something that
doesn’t act the way they’ve seen it act before.
Dr. Sue Hespos, Principal Investigator with the
infant Cognition Lab of Northwestern University, Another leading researcher in how babies think is Dr. Alison observe, experiment, formulate theories, test those theories, and
has said, ”Babies aren’t concerned with Gopnik, a professor of psychology at the University of California, draw conclusions. In fact, she says, scientists and other adults
earth-shattering questions, but they are thinking Berkeley (and a grandmother!). Her studies (see video) have led could take a lesson from babies because babies are fully conscious
a lot about how objects behave and interact.” her to conclude that babies are actually a lot like scientists: they and open to new experiences.
23 GRAND
Great read-aloud
Wonder Granny
If you are wondering about
something related to your new
books
GRANDbaby or GRANDbaby-
to-be, we’ll find the answer. Contact
editor@grandmagazine.com with
your question. Here’s what one
S
Grand was wondering:
everal organizations actively Q: At what age do babies actu-
encourage adults to read to ally begin to like stories? When I try
young children. Next Generation to read to my very young grand-
has an initiative named “Too Small to daughter, she touches the book,
Fail” to help close the ”word gap” that pats it, pushes it away, or doesn’t
exists by the time children reach kin- seem to care about what’s in it.
dergarten. Children who have not been A: It’s true that young babies
read to (or talked to or sung to) often aren’t ready to pay attention to an
arrive at school having heard 30 million actual story. They’d just as soon
chew on a book as read it. But you
fewer words in their vocabulary than
can help keep them engaged by
peers who had parents or grandparents
pointing at pictures, repeating the
who regularly read or engaged in con-
names of objects in varying pitch
versation with them. and tone. Don’t worry if the story
Some books they recommend to get gets lost at first. Around age one,
your grandbaby started on a life-long many babies start liking to turn the
love of reading include those pictured pages and ”read” page after page.
and: Also, pay attention to your grand-
Happy Baby Words baby’s mood; a baby who has had
Kitten’s First Full Moon enough will look away, turn away,
Good Night Gorilla or fidget and fuss.
Knuffle Bunny
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Harold and the Purple Crayon
The I Love You Book Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of our
“My GRANDbaby” section and author of
Good to Be Grand: making the Most of your
Grandchild’s First Year, a combination of
Click here to see more books Click here for recommendations grouped by age up-to-date information and grandparently
inspiration.
24 GRAND
Chapter 6
Holidays share a focus on family, hope and light, peace and
love – Click on this video and share with your grandkids
A Quick Look at Some

of This Season’s Holidays
Thanksgiving (American) –
November 24
What Americans think they know about the history of
Thanksgiving doesn’t always square with the truth.
Bodhi Day (Buddhist) – December 8

Celebration of the Budhha’s awakening or enlightenment
Milad-un-Nabi - or Malwid, ID-E-Milad –

(Muslim) – December 13
Birth of the Prophet Muhammad
Over the river and through the woods?

Yule/Winter Solstice (Ancient/Pagan) – December 21
Shortest day of the year

Christmas Eve and Christmas (Christian) –
N
ot many of us actually live that pastoral picture of a family togetherness. Grandparents have a lot to do with how it all December 24-25
Birth of Jesus Christ
horse-drawn sleigh bringing rosy-cheeked grandchil- flows. They serve as a link to family history, the keeper of tradi-
dren to our home for the holidays, but our holidays can tions – and that’s important because a holiday with a new baby is Hannukah (Jewish) – Dec. 25-January 1
be just as lovely. all about tradition and transition. The baby won’t remember what Rededication of the temple in Jerusalum

Here comes the season of celebration –Thanksgiving, followed you do this year, but other family members will, so how you cele-
Kwanzaa (African) – December 26 – January 1
by meaningful religious occasions. It can be a time for harmonious brate matters. Celebration of family, community, and culture
25 GRAND
Manage holiday expectations happily

P
eople bring cus- agrees on – thank-
toms and expec- fulness, sharing, etc.
tations to holiday • Talk about
celebrations– and now gifts. Make sure
there’s a new grand- you abide by your
baby at the center of it grandbaby’s par-
all. Figuring out how to ents’ wishes as Wonder Granny
manage it now – when to the nature of A reader’s question illustrates potential
your grandbaby is volume of gifts. holiday strains on families.
little – will make future • Embrace a little Q: We raised our son as a
celebrations run more chaos. Some unex- Presbyterian; his wife is Jewish. This will
smoothly. pected happenings be their baby’s (our grandchild’s) first
One of the most chal- might become your Christmas. Is it ok to begin introducing
lenging situations arises family’s favorite our Christmas traditions? It would break
when the parents of the memories. With my heart to have to give up the customs
new grandbaby prac- babies and young that always made our Christmas special.
A: Deciding on religion and religious
tice different religions. children, the days
customs are among the most import-
A “Religious Landscape of perfect holidays
ant decisions your adult children face.
Study” conducted by may be temporarily
Perhaps they’ve had discussions you
Pew Research found that over.
don’t know about. Talk to them and
almost 4 in 10 Americans • Keep the big
find out what they’re thinking. Be honest
who have married since picture in mind. If about what’s important to you, but be
2010 have a spouse who this is your grand- flexible. Follow their lead and work within
is in a different religious baby’s first holiday, their preferences. The best gift you can
Here are suggestions to help families have
group. there’s time ahead to shape the holidays to give your son and daughter-in-law is
harmonious holidays:
Even in families where religious preferences everyone’s satisfaction. understanding. You’re on a long journey
• Respect differences. Learn about others’
are the same, past experiences aren’t. The • Special advice for grandparents – cooper- together. As it says in The Lord of the
beliefs and traditions. A little research will give
food, and the timing, the rituals of gift giving, ate don’t compete, with the other grandparents. Rings, “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo,
you a basic understanding of other religions.
the customs and habits we want to carry for- going out your door. You step onto the
If the differences are based on family customs,
ward – all can take different forms. We’re sen- road, and if you don’t keep your feet,
discuss them before the holidays.
timentally attached to the activities that mean Continue Reading there’s no knowing where you might be
• Celebrate common themes everyone swept off to.”
“holiday” to us.
26 GRAND
The memories made by tradition may help later on. All of
us have nostalgic moments about our childhoods, and sci- • The dreidel game is a favorite
entists now believe that thinking wistfully about the past is with Jewish families – and even babies
good for people. Dr. Constantine Sedikides, a psychologist can enjoy watching the spinning
at the University of Southhampton in the UK, developed the dreidel.
Southhampton Nostalgia Scale and concluded that nostalgia can • For Christmas, some grands give
help counteract loneliness, boredom and anxiety. an ornament each year. By the time
your new grandbaby is aware of this
Here are a few ideas grands have contributed tradition, he or she will have a small
to get you started forming traditions: collection started.
• At Thanksgiving, many families go around the table and
say what they’re thankful for. Or, have a “thankfulness box.” Each
member of the family writes down something they’re thankful Why Babies Cry on Santa’s Lap…
for and puts it in the box. Each slip of paper is read aloud and the At some point,
family guesses who wrote it. whether you cele-
Tradition, tradition!
• Since we’re focusing on winter holidays – giving a new pair brate Christmas or
of pajamas each year can become a tradition. not, your grandbaby
• Baking or cooking a special holiday dish. Let your grand- might be plunked on
H
baby bang the pots this year – and next year, he or she might be Santa’s lap.
oliday traditions can be a powerful force in a family.
able to stir and scoop. But sometimes
Traditions help children form a sense of identity and that cute idea some-
when repeated, time after time, they instill a sense of • The reading of a specific book annually on the same holi-
times goes awry.
security. Family bonds are reinforced when traditions are fun and/ day or the gift of a new book each year – to be read together, of
According to an article on Yahoo Parenting, quoting
or meaningful. course. Book suggestions:
Gail Saltz, MD. associate professor of psychiatry at The
Young children come to count on something happening in The Night Before Christmas New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of
the same way at the same time – especially rituals they establish My First Kwanzaa Medicine, it’s probably related to stranger anxiety, which
with their grands. Traditions give us a tangible way to communi- The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming: A Christmas Story many children experience between 8 months and 2 years
cate our values. Experts suggest you pick a tradition for a particu- Sammy Spider’s First Hanukkuh of age. First, young kids aren’t used to being handed to
lar purpose and then personalize it. Zen and Bodhi’s Snowy Day strangers. Add to that the costume – people don’t usu-
ally wear bright red suits! Throw in the beard, the bushy
eyebrows and the hat that hide most of Santa’s face.
Young children pick up cues about emotions from faces
– and this one’s covered with fur!
So, what’s a parent or grandparent to do? Take it
slowly. Let the child observe other children getting on
that lap...and surviving. Don’t force it. Because you know
something the child doesn’t... there’s a different and
furry lap waiting in a few months: The Easter Bunny!
27 GRAND
When your
grandbaby
comes to visit
for the holidays
Basic equipment to have
on hand for newborns:
• Somewhere for the baby to
sleep—a bassinet or crib, unless As your grandbaby gets older and begins to move • Point knives and forks with the sharp parts facing down in the
the parents bring their own around, it’s time to baby-proof the house: dishwasher’s utensil basket. Keep the dishwasher door closed and
Here’s a partial checklist of some important safeguards from Good locked.
portable
to Be Grand – Making the Most of Your Grandchild’s First Year: • Toys with magnets don’t belong within reach of children under
• Somewhere to change the • Cover sharp edges of furniture with molded plastic pieces made the age of three. Magnets are a particularly devastating hazard. If a
baby—and all the supplies (dia- for this purpose. baby or young child swallows two magnets and they are attracted to
• Secure sliding doors. each other inside the child’s digestive tract, it may be impossible for the
pers, wipes, petroleum jelly)
• Put window shade cords and lamp cords out of reach. magnets to pass through the tract.
• A few sets of clothing • Cover electrical outlets. • Continue to check areas as the baby moves from room to room,
• Secure or lock cabinet doors. in case something has fallen on the floor or been moved around. As
• A duplicate of the baby’s favorite • Remove anything fragile or heavy from where the baby might the baby gets older and begins to climb on things, you will need a
blanket or stuffed animal reach. For example, a camera on a table with a strap hanging down is whole new level of security—for example, checking for windows with
an invitation for the baby to pull it down on top of him or her. screens that can be pushed out.
• Pacifiers, if the baby uses them • Inspect surfaces and remove any small objects that pose a choking
risk, especially batteries, pet treats and toys, coins, buttons, paper clips,
• A baby first-aid book and the
or small pieces of food or candy. Purses are wonderlands of small,
supplies recommended there, enticing, and dangerous objects. Keep them in the closet.
including a rectal thermometer • Keep plastic bags away from the baby. Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of our “My
GRANDbaby” section and author of Good to Be
and a medicinal syringe (to give • Be especially careful with latex balloons—they can be inhaled and Grand: Making the Most of your Grandchild’s First
medicine if necessary) then block the child’s airway. Don’t let babies play with balloons. If they Year, a combination of up-to-date information and
pop, throw the pieces away immediately. grandparently inspiration.
28 GRAND
Chapter 7
Movin’ and Groovin’
T
he more scientists study and understand
brain development, the more they see the
roots for abilities, habits, and attitudes in an
infant’s daily experience. In talking, reading, and
singing to babies, adults help stimulate neural
connections that support brain development.
Physical activity is vital too. Experts recommend
babies spend significant time OUT of strollers, car
seats, infant seats, and playpens.
New year
You may remember from raising your own chil-
dren – physical activity can improve a baby’s mood
and her nap quality. Early exercise and movement
with attitude!
also help develop connections between the brain
and muscles, making physical activity easier as the
child grows. That can safeguard against obesity.
So, if you’re a healthy and energetic grandpar-
BY CHERYL HARBOUR ent, include some exercise in your time with
W
your GRANDbaby.
hether you’re at the very start of your GRANDbaby’s
The Society of Health and Physical
life or approaching that one-year milestone, you can
Educators has developed guidelines for infants
make some New Year’s resolutions for how to be
and toddlers as part of a program they’ve
the best possible influence – and have the most fun. Just like
named “Active Start.” Read more about their
adults, babies benefit from exercise, music, and a positive atti-
guidelines.
tude (especially yours).
29 GRAND
Here are a few easy ways to interact physically:

Passive limb exercises
1 Before your GRANDbaby has control of his own muscles,
neck, and shoulder muscles. Tummy time’s a first step toward
crawling and other motor skills. Babies should always be super-
you can do gentle exercises on a quilt on the floor. Gently stretch vised because they may not yet be able to lift their heads when
arms out to the side, over the head, and across the chest. Do a they’re face down and as they age they start moving and can get
slow “bicycle” movement with your GRANDbaby’s legs. places you might not want them to go.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bedOzDnC2E0 As your GRANDbaby gets older, you can encourage reaching,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1qtB9TzdGA stretching, and crawling by placing colorful toys where he or she
http://lifestyle.howstuffworks.com/family/parenting/babies/ can see them and move toward them.
how-to-exercise-with-a-newborn2.htm This video gives very specific instructions and extra hints for
making tummy time effective and fun.
Who doesn’t love Tummy Time? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1qtB9TzdGA
2 Since babies sleep on their backs, they need to spend During the toddler years, it’s important to keep exercise going
in age-appropriate ways. For example, bouncing and chasing
JulieAnne Searles, creator of Moo Moo Musica
some waking time on their tummies to develop strong head,
balls can be important in the devel- knew could be found in music, so 15 years ago she created, “Moo
opment of hand-eye coordination. Moo Musica.” Now in multiple locations in the LA area, her music
classes for children ages 0 to 5 abound with rhythm, sounds, mel-
Make beautiful
3
odies, costumes, toys, children, mommies, daddies, nannies, and
music together grands.
JulieAnne Searles grew up in a JulieAnne’s approach to music for infants is based on the
family that played musical instru- knowledge that even in the womb, babies recognize sounds and
ments and loved to sing and dance. melodies. They recognize sounds they heard often before they
So, as the mother of a young child, were born, Mommy’s and Daddy’s voices, the dog barking, and
she wanted to find ways to con- the doorbell ringing. They are born predisposed to the language
tinue that kind of engagement spoken by their parents.
with music. By that time, she was Once babies are out in the world, words and melodies they
a Licensed Marriage and Family hear repeatedly are essentially “laying the tracks” and form-
Therapist who believed strongly in ing neural networks. Songs help develop speech and can even
the benefits that come from babies create the foundation for learning other languages so “Moo Moo
and children bonding with the Musica” incorporates a diversity of languages. What inspired
adults in their lives through music. JulieAnne to explore multiple languages through music and
She envisioned a class that nur- movement was the idea of creating direct, somatic experiences
tured the joy and connection she that break down the barriers of the “other,” the unknown.
30 GRAND
JulieAnne’s Favorite Fives 5 reasons to take

Five great music choices a music class
with your grandchild
1. Experiencing the joy of music!!!
2. Bonding through moving and dancing
together.
3. Helping your grandchild develop a better
brain.
4. Meeting others in your community who share
Moo Moo Musica’s (of course) Putamayo – children’s world music compilation CDs
your interests.
“Jilly Jambo” – including World Lullabies and Soothing Songs
5. Facilitating your grandchild’s socialization.
5 ways to rock out

with your GRANDbaby
1. SING…in the car, in the bathtub, at mealtime,
while walking, holding, or rocking them. They don’t
Laurie Berkner Hap Palmer care if you can’t carry a tune!
2. Strike up the kitchen band. Pull out those
pots, pans, containers, and wooden spoons and
create a drum circle!
3. Use a sock as a hand puppet and make up a
funny song or story with different voices.
4. Find board books with lyrics like Five Little
Monkeys; Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star; I’m a Little
Teapot, etc. and sing while you read.
5. Turn on some salsa, hip hop, or classical
Ralph’s World - Happy Lemons music and dance!
31 GRAND
This is your brain while dancing Q.

Wonder Granny
Sometimes my
grandson seems to stop
The key to avoiding a decrease in mental capac-
what he’s doing and
ity is to keep challenging our brains with novel and
stare into space. Is that
even difficult challenges. Several interesting studies normal – and what is he
give us clues on how to do that. A study of taxi driv- thinking?
ers, who travel new routes all the time, compared A. Babies love eye
with bus drivers, who travel the same routes repeat- contact and staring at
edly, showed a larger hippocampus in taxi drivers. things intently, but they
The hippocampus is the part of the brain involved in also have a normal need
forming and accessing complex memories, including to release from that intense connection. It might happen when your
the spatial memories used to navigate around town. GRANDbaby is overstimulated or tired. Experts advise you give him
Since you probably don’t want a second career a moment and then move on to something else.
as a taxi driver, here’s another path to brain health. It could also be that your GRANDbaby really is looking at some-
Scientists at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine thing – a ceiling fan, a light, or something across the room. In the
in New York City did a 21-year study of people 75 first months of life, babies are also developing their focus and their
years and older. They wanted to determine if recre- understanding of things near and far.
You may hear that “staring into space” could be a sign of autism,
ational activities influenced mental acuity. They studied
but that’s usually a matter of degree. If a baby never makes eye con-
mental challenges: crossword puzzles, playing cards,
tact, parents should talk to their pediatrician. There is also something
playing musical instruments, reading books, and writ-
called “absence seizures” – defined as short periods of unrespon-
ing for pleasure. They also studied physical activities:
siveness -- but these are very rare in infants. Again, if something
golf, swimming, bicycling, dancing, walking, and doing
concerns you, tell the parents who can talk to their pediatrician.
housework. Then they investigated which activities Are you wondering about something related to your new
appeared to offer protections against dementia. GRANDbaby or GRANDbaby-to-be?
Surprisingly, activities such as golf and swimming Ask us…Send email to: editor@grandmagazine.com
didn’t make a difference. Reading reduced dementia
Y
risk by 35%, doing crossword puzzles at least 4 days
our GRANDbaby is not the only one learning all the a week, 47%. The number one activity? Dancing fre-
time. Scientists are exploring “Neuroplasticity,” also quently reduced dementia by 76%! Evidently dancing exercises
called neurogenesis and brain plasticity. We now the brain of both partners. The leader has to make rapid deci-
know the brain has the ability to continuously form new sions while the follower has to interpret them without missing a Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of the
connections between brain cells. This contradicts the “old beat. “My GRANDbaby” section and author of
Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of your
wisdom” that the connections in our brains become fixed as So, find a partner – even if it’s your GRANDbaby – and Grandchild’s First Year, a combination of up-to-
we get older and then, if we live long enough, we actually dance, dance, dance. date information and grandparently inspiration.
“lose” brain cells.
32 GRAND
Chapter 8
What kind
of grandparent will you be?
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
• Your own GRAND Personality: • Proximity
W
ill you be hands-on or on the sidelines? Will you love this child Just as personality tests reveal that every person is • Ability
long distance or up close and personal? Will a little grandpar- a combination of traits and factors, so developing • Relationship with the baby’s parents
enting go a long way or will you never be able to get enough? your GRAND personality will be influenced by cer- • Desire
Will you be the soft lap kind of grandparent, always ready to listen with tain factors. Consider the “shades” of difference in each of these
a shoulder to cry on? Will you be a “memorable moments” grandparent, • There are four main factors that influence the and consider where you fit on the spectrum.
with tickets to Disney World or Broadway? nature of your GRAND new role:

Proximity: Near or Far Ability: Unlimited or Limited Relationship with the Baby’s Parents:
Some grandparents live around the corner from their grand- Ability means different things. Physical ability, of Warm or Cool
children while others live around the globe. How close you course, determines what kinds of activities you’ll Grandparents are not in the driver’s seat of this new baby’s life,
live may determine how often you see them and how inter- enjoy with your grandchild. Some grandparents are we’re in the sidecar. We’re not the ones losing sleep from the
twined your lives become. If they live nearby, your grandchild more active – they’re on the playground or rolling heavy responsibility of nurturing human life for the next couple of
and their mom or dad might stop over on the way home from around on the living room floor. Less able bodies decades. But we are coming along for the adventure.
the grocery store. You may be asked to fill in for spur of the may offer a quieter connection…rocking, reading, Most grands earned the right to be a grandparent by raising a child.
moment childcare – or even be asked to provide child care on singing, talking. (Some “inherited” a child through marriage.) Chances are the relation-
a daily or weekly basis for working parents. Financial ability also can affect how often you get ship you’ve had with your son or daughter and partner has already set
If you live further away, your relationship may grow together – and what activities you do. a tone. But with a new baby in the family circle, there’s a greater need
through visits. Experienced grandparents tell us that although Your own commitments – involving work or other than ever for communication, cooperation, and mutual respect.
visits may be arranged differently – you go to them, they members of the family – determine the time you
come to you, or you meet in a third location – grandparents have available to spend with each grandchild. Desire: Strong or Mild
often need to be the ones to initiate the event. There are as many different styles of grandparent- Some grandparents can’t get enough of their grandchildren.
In lieu of visits – or in between visits – technology has given ing as there are grandparents. Fortunately, grandbabies Others prefer their grandchildren in small doses. Be honest
grandparents a gift: the ability to stay connected through don’t come with pre-set criteria for how Grandma or with yourself and have the courage to be authentic in your
Facetime or Skype. It truly is the next best thing to being there. Granddad must be. If you love them, they will love you. grandparenting.

What will your

Wonder Granny
Q. My husband and
grandparent style be? I sometimes feel like
By combining these factors and think- ‘left out’ grandparents.
ing through where you fit on the spec- Our grandbaby’s other
trum, you can begin to see your grand- grandparents live closer,
parenting style. have more time, and
• With an honest appraisal, your factors are the parents of the
might make you a NUWS grandparent. baby’s mom, who seems
You’re Near (you live around the corner to be the one setting the
from your grandchild), Unlimited (you schedule. How can we
have abundant finances, boundless keep our relationship with our new grandchild from becoming
energy and plenty of available time), ‘second best?’
Warm (you have a close, stress-free A. This situation often arises because no two grandparents are
relationship with your son or daughter exactly alike or “equal” in every respect. Most successful grandpar-
and partner), and Strong (you find being ents agree it’s not good to compete with the other grandparents.
Respecting them is the wiser course of action. Confidence and
a grandparent stimulating and fulfill-
consideration get better results than comparison and competition.
ing every moment you spend with your
Carve out your own special role in your grandchild’s life.
grandchild). But, not that many people
Tips from experienced grandparents for getting along:
have all those factors working for them.
• Honesty is good, but some things are better left unsaid.
• So, if your factors turn out to be FLCM
• Don’t criticize the baby’s parents in front of other relatives.
- Far, Limited, Cool, and Mild -- your • Don’t criticize the other grandparents.
grandparenting personality would be • Don’t criticize your child’s spouse.
different with some challenges. • Respect the rules and routines the parents set. Don’t be the
Desire comes last on the list of factors one who does exactly what the parents asked you not to – even if
because it’s a powerful force. your grandchild. Children remember
these connections. 4 If you live far from your grand-
child, use Facetime or Skype as
you think you know better.
• Be true to yourself. Develop a special bond with your grand-
Tips from experienced
grandparents 3 Find ways to overcome any obsta- often as possible
cles. If you’re on a tight budget
5 Keep the relationship with your
child based on who you really are.
1 Share what you love. Your genuine – use your creativity. Write stories for
enthusiasm for fishing, painting,
grandbaby’s parents strong and
your grandchild and illustrate them with positive. If bridges need mending, mend
bird watching, or dancing holds a strong photos from magazines. them. Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of the
attraction for your grandchild. “My GRANDbaby” section and author of
2 Develop special things – a place Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of your
Grandchild’s First Year, a combination of up-to-
you go, a toy or book at your TAKE A QUIZ - What Kind of Grandparent Are You? date information and grandparently inspiration.
house, a nickname only you use for
35 GRAND
Chapter 9
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
The “perfect” grandbaby
G
randparents envision perfect grandchildren who go sections of skull in a baby’s head are flexible to pass through the Did your new grandbaby get your full, lush head of hair or
through life without a bump in the road and grow birth canal. The skull becomes more rigid in the coming weeks. Granddad’s receding hairline? Too soon to tell. Some babies are
up to be successful, and happy. But accepting – even Newborns often have puffy eyes – sometimes so puffy the born with a lot of hair, which often falls out in the early weeks.
embracing – that people don’t have to be perfect to be won- baby really can’t open them until the puffiness recedes. “Real” hair might takes months to grow.
derful can bring happiness, too. The baby’s skin may appear bruised, blotchy or blemished. We probably weren’t objective about our own babies’ beauty
From the beginning you might notice and wonder about cer- These conditions usually resolve in a matter of days, weeks or and we won’t be with our grandbabies either. To us, they will be
tain characteristics. The baby’s head may be oddly shaped. The months. beautiful and we will love them as they are.

When a GRANDbaby has a special condition

N
What if a baby has a physical or developmental factor that ot all babies are born at precisely nine months or 40 by talking, singing, holding, touching, or whatever the medical
is unusual or unexpected? In that case, grandparents can be an weeks. In fact, only about 4-5% of babies are born on experts permit.
important source of help, support, and up-to-date, reliable infor- that 40-week due date. As the baby gets older, when you’re looking for developmental
mation to guide the baby’s parents. About 12% of babies in the U.S are born prematurely -- ear- milestones, be sure to allow for an “adjusted age.” The baby needs
Fortunately prospects are improving for babies with the most lier than 37 weeks – and about 2% of babies are born before they time to catch up, so you can add the time they missed in the
common special conditions. reach 32 weeks. These babies typically have “low birth weight,” womb to the age at which a milestone typically happens.
considered to be less than five pounds, eight ounces.
Early babies There’s no denying that the more premature a baby is, the
more difficulties he or she may have at the beginning. The baby
may need intensive medical care, including help with breathing
and eating.
But there is good news about the outlook for babies born
prematurely. According to the March of Dimes, a baby born at
34 weeks has about the same odds (above 95%) of surviving as a
baby born full-term. The survival rate for babies born between 22
and 28 weeks has increased from 70% in to 79%. Medical experts
now have many ways to intervene, either before the early baby is
born or right after.
A new study reported in the New England Journal of
Medicine found that compared to extremely preterm babies
born a decade ago, a larger percentage are developing into
toddlers without signs of moderate or severe cognitive and
motor delay.
If your GRANDbaby is born prematurely, how

can you help?
Most babies born prematurely will need to spend extra time in
a Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Most of these units have
extremely strict rules; some allow only parents to visit, others allow Down Syndrome
For some inspiration and encouragement about grandparents too. You can help your son or daughter and partner Down syndrome is the most commonly occurring chromosomal
pre-term babies, enjoy this video about baby with anything outside the NICU so they can spend more time with condition. Approximately one in every 700 babies in the U.S. is
Ward, born 3-1/2 months before his due date. their baby there. If you’re allowed to visit, start the bonding now born with Down syndrome.

Lifespan has increased significantly for persons with Down increasing number of people with Down syndrome graduate
syndrome – from 9-11 years in 1900 to 25 years in the early from high school and go on to participate in postsecondary
Autism affects a person’s ability to pro-
1980s to an average of 60 years today. programs.
Certain physical challenges can accompany Down syn- In all likelihood, the future for people with Down syndrome cess stimuli, communicate, and interact with
drome, such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hear- will become even brighter. Research is taking place, including others. Most signs of autism don’t appear in
ing problems, childhood leukemia and thyroid conditions. But clinical trials with drugs designed to improve memory and very young babies, but when a child nears
many of these conditions are now treatable, so it’s possible to learning.
be a healthy person with Down syndrome. It would be unrealistic to expect yourself not to be concerned
the first birthday, you might have cause for
Now, so much is known about the syndrome and there is a about how this grandbaby will navigate through life and what concern if a child cannot or does not:
strong support network. Educational specialists have studied impact that will have on this child’s parents. But as the National • Make eye contact
how best to teach children with Down syndrome. Most children Down Syndrome Society suggests, Children and adults with
with Down syndrome participate in regular classes as more Down syndrome have many strengths that can be encouraged,
• Smile when smiled at
schools have become “inclusive” of children with disabilities. An and they can live rich, meaningful lives. • Follow objects visually
• Do “back-and-forth” gestures such
Autism as pointing, showing, reaching or waving
To help people better under-
stand autism, the television show “bye-bye”
Sesame Street is introducing a • Initiate or respond to cuddling
new character named Julia who
• Follow the gesture when you point
has autism. Sesame Street also
has introduced a campaign something out
called See Amazing in All Chil- • Have warm smiles or big playful
dren, to give children with autism expressions
someone to identify with and to
help others be more accepting. Find other milestones of development for
The term “autism” was virtually ages 2 months through 5 years
unknown to most people 20 click here for the CDC website.
or 30 years ago, but now it’s a
common concern. In 2016, the
Centers for Disease Control and A word about autism and immunizations
Prevention (CDC) said autism There was some debate about whether there might be a connec-
cases in the U.S. had risen from 1 in tion between autism and immunizations. In 2015, Autism Speaks,
166 children in 2004 to 1 in 68 chil- the U.S.’s largest autism advocacy group, issued a statement,
dren in 2016. For boys, the occur- “Vaccines do not cause autism. We urge that all children be fully
rence is 1 in 54. vaccinated.”

“Be there” for your

grandchildren by taking
care of yourself
Are you getting enough
of these three essen-
tials, Vitamin D, Protein &
Water?
Don’t come up short

on Vitamin D
We apply sunscreen to protect our
skin but as a result we may not
get sufficient Vitamin D from the
sun. Plus our skin (where sunlight
is converted to Vitamin D) thins as
we age and is unable to produce
as much Vitamin D as it once did,
while changes in our intestinal
“equipment” reduce absorption.
Vitamin D deficiency results in
aches and pains, tiredness, weak-
ness, and loss of bone strength.
There are foods rich in Vitamin
D: fatty fish (ie. salmon, trout, hal- supplement (Talk to your doctor before adding a
ibut) fish oil, egg yolks, dairy products, fortified supplement.) the usual recommendation is Vitamin
cereal, and mushrooms. But eating them may D3 because it’s easily absorbed. The recommended
not be enough. If you decide to add a Vitamin D dose is 800 IU per day for seniors.

Eat protein to keep your muscles strong Wonder Granny

Q. My grandchild’s parents
both have demanding careers.
My son has two weeks of
parental leave and my daugh-
ter-in-law will go back to work
after three months. I don’t tell
them it worries me, but it does.
How is daycare working out for
young children?
A. You’re not alone in this concern. Families were much less
likely to have two working parents when we were raising our chil-
dren two or three decades ago. Today, more than 60% of mothers
with young children work outside the home. Studies are constantly
being done about how day care affects young children and many
As we age our bodies don’t use protein efficiently. It becomes • Rapid heart rate of them are reassuring, mostly because the differences seen later in
more difficult to build and maintain muscle mass. Insufficient pro- • Low blood pressure childhood for children who were in daycare and those who weren’t
tein also contributes to impaired wound healing, loss of skin elas- Dehydration becomes more common with aging because the seem mostly insignificant. In fact, a study by the U.S. National
ticity, and inability to fight infection. amount of body water decreases by approximately 15% between Institutes of Health found slightly higher cognitive and academic
the ages of 20 and 80. Plus we may have decreased sensations of achievement scores among teens who spent time in high-quality
daycare as young children.
Good sources of protein: thirst, or take certain medications, or generally eat and drink less
than we used to. So, drink throughout the day, and eat juicy fruits The key word there is “high-quality.” Factors such as the level of
• Seafood
and vegetables. interaction between children and their caregivers, the ratio of care-
• White-meat poultry
Here is a fun little video you can share with your grandkids givers to children, and the education and qualifications of the day
• Milk, cheese, and yogurt
care staff were found to be most important.
• Eggs One other aspect is that children who spent time in day care
• Beans were the exception in our day. Now their peers are likely to have had
• Nuts and seeds similar experiences and daycare is more the “norm.”
• Soy Got a question?
• Lean beef or pork Click here to send to Wonder Granny
Water, water everywhere

You’ve heard it before – by the time you feel thirsty, you’re already
Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of the
in the beginning stages of dehydration. That can lead to: “My GRANDbaby” section and author of
• Confusion Good to Be Grand: Making the Most of your
• Difficulty walking Grandchild’s First Year, a combination of up-to-
date information and grandparently inspiration.
• Dizziness or headaches
40 GRAND
Chapter 10
Go to bed,
sleepy head
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
D
uring the first few weeks and months of a
baby’s life, there’s a whole lot of sleeping going
on!
Parents and grandparents may be particularly focused
on sleep because good sleep is equated with healthy
growth, and because the adults caring for a new baby
need sleep, too. So, the more you know about babies,
getting them to sleep, keeping them asleep and keeping
them safe while they sleep, the more help you can be.

The six states of a

baby’s consciousness
Quiet awake: Babies tend to watch and listen. The amount of time
infants spend in this state increases as time goes on. By one month, it’s
typical to be in this state for about 2-1/2 hours a day.
Active alert: The baby’s arms might be waving and legs kicking.
Sometimes this state happens just before fussiness, and close on the heels of
fussiness can come crying.
Crying state: Probably the one babies are most known for; usually a result
of being hungry, uncomfortable, overtired, or unhappy. But determining which of
these is happening at any given moment remains a major mystery.
Drowsiness: In an infant this state looks much like it does in anyone else – droop-
ing eyelids, unfocused stare, yawns, and stretches. This state happens when the baby is
going in or out of sleep.
Active sleep: Also known as REM sleep for “rapid eye movement,” babies often move
restlessly and make little noises. Babies spend about half their sleep time in active sleep.
Observers report that babies typically alternate between active and quiet sleep about every 30
minutes.
Quiet sleep: In this state babies move less and breathe more regularly. The baby seems to
have “zonked out.” This is usually when the parents are also most relaxed!
A newborn typically spends 16 or 17 hours per day sleeping but it’s broken up into many segments,
usually no longer than two to four hours, and sometimes much shorter.
As much as we want babies to get a good night’s sleep, you’ll feel better about sleep interruptions if you
remember that waking up is actually a survival skill because it assures that the baby is fed and cared for.
Wonder if babies dream? Adults dream during the REM cycle but in babies REM sleep fills a different need.
Scientists believe that’s when infants’ brains are building pathways, connecting those pathways, and laying the
foundation for language.

Sleep strategies
change over time:
Babies are no longer put
on their tummies to sleep.
You may remember when doctors recommended putting
your baby on his or her tummy to sleep to reduce the chance
of aspirating and choking. In the mid-1980s, research started
linking tummy-sleeping to higher incidences of SIDS (Sudden
Infant Death Syndrome) and by 1992, the American Academy
of Pediatrics advised against tummy sleeping. This advice has
weathered the test of time, because the recommendation for
back sleeping was confirmed by the AAP in early 2017.
SIDS Prevention:
SIDS has been studied extensively and here are the other
things to avoid:
• Keeping the room too stuffy and too warm. A tempera-
ture of around 68 degrees is recommended.
• Soft bedding – it’s recommended to keep blankets, quilts,
etc. out of the baby’s bed until the age of one year.
• Smoking – second hand smoke raises the risk of SIDS.
• Experts also recommend against side sleeping, because
the baby may roll onto his/her tummy.
BUT…babies often don’t sleep as well as on their backs, so

what can you do?

The art of swaddling

Why do lullabies work?
The practice of singing softly to help a baby sleep is as old as time. But
modern research offers some explanation for its success. One is that
an ancient part of the brain in the limbic system holds the emotional
O
responses to music, and in doing so, quiets the physical response to a
ne of the remedies developed to
stimulating world. Another explanation is that the meter of most lulla-
calm the newborn’s startle reflex
bies (6/8 time) gives a rocking or swaying rhythm that closely matches
that seems more common with
what conditions were like for the baby before birth.
back-sleeping is the swaddling technique,
in which a baby’s arms are tucked snugly at
his/her side while the baby is wrapped in a
As your GRANDbaby gets older,
cocoon. Most hospitals teach new parents
sleep habits change
Most babies do not begin sleeping through the night (6 to 8 hours)
this technique – and the parents can teach
without waking until at least 3 months of age, or until they weigh 12 to
you if they want you to use it. Swaddling
13 pounds. However, this varies considerably and some babies do not
can be done with a blanket – but special
sleep through the night until closer to 1 year.
suits are also available. These come with
Velcro in all the right places. You will know
“
you have done the job well if the baby looks
Grands need to sleep like babies
like a burrito.
You wouldn’t want to be swaddled and you
don’t absolutely have to sleep on your back.
Swaddled babies should But sleep is just as important for grandparents
as it is for babies.
definitely not sleep on For some great tips, click here!
their tummies – or be
swaddled if they are
able to turn from their
back to their tummy.
Their legs should also Cheryl Harbour is the
special editor of the “My
not be tightly swaddled GRANDbaby” section and
because they need If you feel a little rusty, here’s a video author of Good to Be Grand:
Making the Most of your
that shows how to swaddle and Grandchild’s First Year, a
to move their hips for combination of up-to-date
calm an infant information and grandparently
normal development. inspiration.
44 GRAND
First-Year Milestones
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
One of the best parts about being a GRAND is watching the growth and
development of this new little being. Literally, a milestone is a stone by the
side of the road that marks the distance in miles to a particular place. But with
babies, milestones are much less exact. Accomplishments don’t always happen
on time and experts suggest you just use milestones as broad guidelines.
0-3 MONTHS
• Lifting head briefly when on tummy
• Holding head steady when upright
• Focusing on a face
• Cooing, squealing, laughing
• Reacting to a sound, begin to turn in that direction
• Beginning to reach for an object and trying to grasp it
• Bringing hands together
• Smiling, usually randomly
Babies this age love…

Being cuddled and touched
Soft rhythmic sounds
Quiet singing or talking
Baby talk – studies show babies like the higher pitch and slower
pace many adults use when they talk to babies
Gazing at your face – after the first few days, when their eyes begin
Chapter 11
to focus, they can see about 8 to 15 inches
Gentle rocking or swaying
What’s so funny?
One of the best milestones for parents and GRANDs is the time when the Tips for stimulating
baby begins to laugh.
Want to make your GRANDbaby laugh? As these videos show, you can get
your GRANDbaby’s
a dog. Or get a piece of paper and rip it. Or do anything randomly silly. For senses
some great ideas, check out this video
Watching a baby watch things is
especially interesting. Keep these
things in mind:
• Babies tend to like sharp con-
3-6 MONTHS trasting colors or black and white
• Sitting with steady head, needing support at first, then less support
designs, rather than muted colors.
• Keeping head aligned with back when pulled to sitting
• Typically, babies like gazing at
• Bearing some weight on legs and eventually, pulling himself
things from the side, instead of look-
or herself up when holding on to someone
ing straight up.
• Rolling over
• To encourage tracking of moving
• Grasping items and passing them from one hand to the other
objects, move a toy or other item
• Trying to hold on to a toy or object (your keys, sunglasses, etc.)
from some one side of the baby’s
when you try to take it away
sight line to the other. When your
• Babbling, expanding range of sounds
grandbaby starts reaching for
• Smiling back when you smile
objects, remember that young
• Developing the ability to eat solid food
babies will only reach for an item
• Extending periods of continuous sleep at night.
offered from the side, not from the
front.
• Babies love looking at faces. One of
the faces they enjoy is their own, so
Babies this age love: introduce him or her to the baby in
Sing-song melodies the mirror.
Funny faces • The best books for this age are the
Making adults laugh ones that have bold and simple illus-
“Raspberries” on the tummy or the feet (well, trations. The story line doesn’t really
SOME babies love this) matter.
Dancing in your arms

• Playing peek-a-boo The Importance of Crawling

6-12 MONTHS • Playing patty cake With the current practice of putting babies on their back to sleep,
• Working to get a toy that’s out some babies are crawling later than they used to — and some
• Waving bye-bye
of reach may miss that milestone altogether. They haven’t necessarily
• Rolling a ball back and forth
• Using fingers to eat crackers or other developed the upper body strength that tummy-sleeping babies
• Understanding “no”
easy-to-grasp good did, but researchers understand that crawling is important for
• Using gestures and sounds,
• Drinking from a cup more than just developing trunk and shoulder muscles. All sorts
and eventually words to try to
• Creeping, crawling, cruising of cognitive functions and abilities are developed and strength-
communicate
• Getting up to a sitting position from ened through crawling, including hand-eye coordination, binoc-
• Standing without support
stomach and to a crawling position ular vision (looking at something far away and then close), and
• Taking first steps
from sitting cross lateral movement that stimulates communication between
left and right sides of the brain (an important aspect of being
able to read well). It’s said that crawling strengthens the tongue
muscles that help with speech. When babies are on their hands
First Teeth and knees, they seem to love to rock back and forth. Therapists
Babies get their first teeth at different times, but generally, if
call this skill “quadruped rocking,” and babies get all kinds of
at least one tooth has popped up by the age of one, there’s
stimulation from this movement.
no cause for concern. Most babies sprout teeth a little
If that inspires you to encourage your GRANDbaby to crawl, here
earlier, around six or seven months. The signs
are a few things you can do:
of teething haven’t changed — irritability
• Encourage tummy time
because of painful gums, some extra
• Play games that put objects and toys slightly out of reach
drooling, and the baby wanting to
• Get down on your own hands and knees and show baby how
put everything in his or her mouth.
much fun it is to crawl.
Our mothers told us that teething also
• Let the baby play with toys that move away as he or she
causes fevers or diarrhea, but chances
touches them.
are our daughters or daughter-in-laws have
learned that isn’t true. There is
also another big reason babies
drool around the age of four
or five months: their salivary Cheryl Harbour is the
special editor of the
glands are getting ready to
“My GRANDbaby”
digest solid food. Typically, section and author
babies may have eight teeth of Good to Be Grand:
by age one year and add Making the Most of your
Grandchild’s First Year,
eight more by the time they a combination of up-
are two. to-date information and
grandparently inspiration.
47 GRAND
Grandparenting 21st Century Style!

BY CHERYL HARBOUR
Chapter 12
A
re you ready for this GRAND new role? Maybe the news grandchild is a good time to think about how you were parented,
that you’re about to become a grandparent for the first
We all bring lessons from our past as well as what kinds of experiences you had when you were par-
Some people have vivid memories of their grandparents: The
time or again has hit you suddenly…or maybe you’ve enting your own children.
grandmother who let you help her in the garden, the grandfather
been wishing for grandchildren for a while. Now that it’s hap- Most people who are grandparents today were raised at a time
who taught you how to ride a bike.
pening, you’ll want to jump right in with enthusiasm. Knowing when women and men had prescribed roles. Fathers typically
Not all of us are lucky enough to have those warm memories,
what you need to know, and anticipating some of the questions worked long hours outside the house, and mothers primarily were
but we HAD parents and we WERE parents. The wait for your new
and issues that may arise, will give you a head start. responsible for home and kids. Dad was often the disciplinarian
“
”
far you live – or your ability to travel – see your grandchild as often as
We can invent our own model Which traits make us most effective you can. If you can’t be there face-to-face – use Facetime or Skype.
of grandparenting. as grandparents?
From talking to professionals and hundreds of experienced
grandparents, here’s a short list of traits that go hand-in-hand
Be informed
– with the louder, sterner voice – and Mom would say, “Wait until The more you know, the better prepared you are to handle a new-
with successful grandparents, right from the start.
your father gets home.” (Then she’d sneak into your bedroom born confidently and to understand the developmental stages as
later to make sure you weren’t too sad.) they occur. A lot has changed since we were raising our own chil-
But society evolves. Today, we have more working mothers Be authentic dren! The first year of life is vitally important, so learn all you can
(in the U.S. women make up more than half of the workforce), Interests and pastimes you truly enjoy are the most sustainable. to make the most of that first year. Don’t miss the opportunity to
more stay-at- That doesn’t mean if you get down on the floor a few times and enrich your grandbaby’s life and well-being.
home dads, more play with the singing elephant you’ll always need to do that. But if
you prefer rocking, rock. If you prefer pushing the stroller, go for
blended families,
more single par- walks. If you prefer cuddling and cooing, do that as often as pos-
Be considerate
Wise grandparents say one of the
ents, and more sible. Interests that are shared strengthen the bond, and as your
most important things to remem-
same-sex parents. grandbaby gets older, you’ll have more and more opportunities.
ber is that you are not the parent.
Grandparents are
Try to empathize with the new
often the primary Be available parents, but don’t assume. Let
caregivers for a This doesn’t mean drop everything you’re doing. It means carve out them lead the way and support
child outside of some time. Make the effort. Be proactive. Depending on how near or – don’t subvert – their parenting
his or her par-
philosophies and practices. Also
ents. A full 30% of
be considerate of the others in
working women
your grandbaby’s network, includ-
depend on grand-
ing the grandparents from the
parents as the
other side of the family.
primary source of
childcare. What’s
more, the U.S. Keep your sense
Census Bureau of humor
found that by Starting now and through the
2012, 2.7 million years to come, find the simple
grandparents were actually raising their grandchildren, and the joy and laughter in grandparent-
number has grown since then. ing situations. Babies are hilar-
Within that shifting structure, families and individuals evolve ious and they love to laugh. Let’s face it, you can be pretty silly,
too. If the model we observed with our parents or grandparents too, if you let yourself.
is no longer do-able or if we have different ideas – we can invent You and your new GRANDbaby are about to start a wonderful
our own model of grandparenting. journey together – so enjoy!

Practical Matters: Immunizations You’ll Need

You definitely don’t want the first thing you give your Influenza Hepatitis B
grandchild to be an illness, so make sure to have these Yearly flu shot is recommended Vaccine is recommended If you’re sixty
immunizations. Chickenpox or older with diabetes or work in health care
Measles, Mumps, Rubella (MMR Vaccine) Talk to your doctor if you’ve never had chickenpox Shingles
If you were born in 1957 or later and aren’t sure if Tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis (whooping cough) If you’re sixty or older
you were ever immunized, you can get a blood test to Get a DTAP or TDAP Pneumonia
confirm your immunity. If you’re sixty-five or older
Try to keep the first interactions calm and positive and take little steps, such as let-
Family pets will need to adjust, too ting the dog sniff the baby’s feet while you talk to the dog affectionately.
Before your new grandbaby visits your home for the first time, you’ll
With your cat, you can also use treats and praise to get the friendship
want to prepare Bowser or Snuggles, too.
off to the right start. There’s a myth that cats try to smother babies. That’s
For dogs, experts suggest a visit to the groomer – including a bath
not true, but cats are usually more able than dogs to do things like jump
and nail trim – as well as a check-up with the vet to make sure your dog
into the crib, so you can avoid that by keeping the room where the baby
is healthy and up-to-date with immunizations. If your dog needs a
sleeps when visiting off-limits to the cat.
refresher on basic obedience, such as sit, stay, down, leave it, and drop
Pet allergies?
it, this is a good time to brush up those skills. After the baby is born,
People have different levels of comfort about contact between babies and
you might want to bring home some items that have the baby’s smell
pets, so you’ll want to support the parents’ wishes. Allergies tend to run in
on them and let your dog get used to that new smell.
families – and this goes for all kinds of allergies. Unless a baby is allergy-prone,
When your grandbaby comes into your home for the first
experts now agree that exposure to common allergens, such as pet dander,
time, it’s wise to have a helper who
may actually protect a child from developing an allergy to them.
will attend to the dog if you’ll be
holding the baby. The helper will
have your dog on a leash, but in a
relaxed manner and have treats on
hand to reward good behavior.
Cheryl Harbour is the
special editor of the “My
GRANDbaby” section
and author of Good to Be
Grand: Making the Most
of your Grandchild’s First
Year, a combination of up-
to-date information and
50 GRAND
Lookin’ for love in Chapter 13

all the right places
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
G
randparents and grandchildren have an almost supernatural connection, especially
when the relationship is nurtured and valued. As most new grandparents tell you,
becoming a grandparent is an experience like no other. You instinctively know you will
love this baby intensely and infinitely.
Is the reverse true? In many cases – yes. A survey by the Foundation for Grandparenting asked
young adults if a grandparent was an indispensable part of their family, and 77% of those sur-
veyed answered yes.
I Am So New
Poem from your GRANDbaby to you
As you fold your arms around me,
feel the beating of my heart, the patience of my breath
as I settle in to being held.
Watch my soft skin mold around every expression
as I dream, startle, stretch, awaken – unaware you are there.
See my eyes open and blink, studying lights and shadows
and patterns that mean nothing yet.
I will learn in time about sunshine and storms,
smiles and fears, heaven and earth.
But for now – spend time with me.
Hold me close.
Wonder at my new beginning.
Allow me to be who I am in this very moment.

I
n the course of interviewing some high-pro- Chelsea Clinton family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know
file people, we’ve come across more stories Chelsea Clinton told us this that my debt to them is beyond measure,” Obama said in his
about her two grandmothers. 2008 victory speech.
about the impact grandparents can have.
“Curiosity, tenacity, a deep com-
mitment to their families and an Dylan McDermott
Pat Mitchell After his mother was murdered
abiding belief that in America,
Pat Mitchell, the media trailblazer and powerhouse and our
anything was possible, defined when he was just five, his grand-
cover grandparent for the July/August issue of GRAND, often
my grandmothers Dorothy mother, Avis Marino, stepped in to
speaks to groups about what inspired her to overcome obsta- raise him and his sister, Robin. “It was
cles and accomplish all she has. She was the first woman to and Virginia’s lives—and the
way they raised their children and grandchildren. I miss them my grandmother who raised me, and
serve as president and CEO of PBS, living with her and my sister is what
and she is also the former presi- every day and, equally, am grateful every day for their inspiring
I remember best. It was the family
dent of CNN Productions, where examples.”
unit that is special to me. My grand-
she executive – produced hundreds mother was the best,”
of hours of documentaries and Carol Burnett
specials, which received 35 Emmy On her recent 50th Anniversary
Maya Angelou
Awards and five Peabody Awards. Celebration on television, Carol
Maya Angelou “I loved my grand-
When Pat was a young girl Burnett told the story behind a
mother...I try to be the same kind of
living with her grandparents gesture she made at the end of
grandparent I had,” Angelou said.
in rural Georgia, her grand- each show. She’d tug on her ear as
“My grandmother was the best.” My
mother convinced her to believe a special message to her “Nanny”
grandmother told me that every
in herself and not be afraid of making mistakes. One of her who raised her that said, “Hello. I
human thing I do helps some human
grandmother’s favorite messages was that “even if you fall love you.” being in the world. I believed her 50
on your face, that’s a good first step because at least it’s for- She credits living with her grand- years ago …and still do.
ward movement.” mother in Hollywood after her par-
ents’ divorce for helping her discover her future path as Jamie Foxx
Oprah Winfrey an entertainer. Her grandmother would work to save money so the Jamie Foxx’s grandparents
Oprah lived on a farm in rural two of them could go to the movies. adopted him as an infant and rec-
Mississippi with her grandmother ognized his musical talents before
during the early years of her child- Barack Obama he even started kindergarten. Most
hood. “My grandmother gave me President Barack families worry about their kids get-
the foundation for success that I Obama’s grandmother ting into the entertainment biz,
was allowed to continue to build passed away on the eve but when he won a classical piano
upon. My grandmother taught of election day. “And while scholarship after high school, his
me to read, and that opened the door to all kinds of possi- she’s no longer with us, I grandmother told him that’s how he
bilities for me. And had I not been with my grandmother, I proba- know my grandmother is was going to make money. She was kind of right — he won an
bly would not have had the foundation that I had.” watching, along with the Academy Award for Ray in 2005 and dedicated it to her.
Bless you!
As your GRANDbaby progresses through the first year of life, tries new foods, and
is exposed to more of the world, there’s a chance he or she may develop allergies.
Y
ou’ve seen reactions to allergies before - from watery lower the chances of developing sensitivity to some common
eyes, runny noses and sneezes to rashes and hives to allergens. The advice used to be to try to avoid exposure com-
cramps and stomach upsets. Those prob- pletely. The recommendation is now is to be aware of
lems are rather common and manageable. the family history, proceed carefully, and, with some
A more severe reaction -- an anaphylac- substances – for example, peanuts and pet dander
tic response – where the tongue swells – expose children gradually, beginning at an early
Speaking of sneezing...while allergies are no laughing
or the throat closes, is more serious and age, even as infants.
“
matter, check out this video of these cuties.
fortunately, much more rare. The shift is particularly dramatic when it comes
Whether your new GRANDbaby devel- to peanut allergies. For years parents dutifully
ops allergies or not depends mainly on followed the previous advice to avoid pea-
genetics. Children whose parents don’t nuts and peanut products for the first three They agreed that exposing children
have allergies have about a 12% chance years. But what happened was a significant
of being allergic themselves. With one upswing in peanut allergies. To resolve to peanut products (not actual
allergic parent, the likelihood is 30-50%, the confusion and disagreement about
and if both parents have allergies, the what course of action to recommend,
peanuts, because they pose a
”
chances are 60-80% the baby will too. The National Institute of Allergy and choking risk) at an early age (around
Allergies typically come from Infectious Diseases sponsored a confer-
food, dust, mold, pollen, insect bites, ence involving the American Academy
6 months) could actually lower the
pet dander, medication or latex. of Pediatrics, the American Academy risk of a peanut allergy.
Research has shown that about 80% of Family Physicians, and the
of all food allergies are caused by American Academy of Allergy,
a small group of foods: milk, eggs, Asthma & Immunology. They
fish, shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts agreed that exposing children to Cheryl Harbour is the
(almonds, walnuts, pecans), wheat peanut products (not actual pea- special editor of the “My
and soybeans. In children under nuts, because they pose a choking GRANDbaby” section
age 1, the most common allergies risk) at an early age (around 6 and author of Good to Be
Grand: Making the Most
come from milk and eggs. months) could actually lower of your Grandchild’s First
Medical experts have changed their the risk of a peanut allergy. Year, a combination of up-
recommendations about the best ways to to-date information and
53 GRAND
How grandparents can start off on the right

foot…from the very beginning
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
W
hen a baby is
Chapter 14
born, all sorts
of relationships
realign. At first, all eyes are
on the baby – and the adults
in that baby’s world are like
planets revolving around the
sun. But, unlike planets that
more-or-less stay in their
orbit, people change and are
affected by their relation-
ship with other people in the
family network.
You will have months –
even years – to build the
kind of relationship you want
with your grandchild, but the
dynamics are sometimes set
early for how you’ll get along
with the other adults…your
son or daughter, their part-
ner, the other grandparents,
and various “extras,” who,
sometimes play a crucial role
and are not “extra” at all.
Continued on next page

54 GRAND
What you can expect. You may not always agree with the On the other hand, if you’re asked to visit or help, be as
Although all families operate in their own unique circumstances, accommodating as you can be and keep your expectation for
you can anticipate that at least some of these situations will parents about when and how often praise or gratitude at a low level. If you help for the right reasons
arise: you’ll see your new GRANDbaby. and don’t extend yourself further than you really want to go,
First, on the positive side, you can expect to fall totally in love It’s important to remember that the new baby and parents need you’ll avoid feeling resentful.
with this new little being and to feel some of the same emotions some time and space to create a strong family. That means that You may find some of the parents’ decisions different from
you felt as a parent: awe at the new life and a desire to protect dropping by unannounced or uninvited runs the risk of interfering those you made when you were parents.
and nurture. Many people also report feeling an immediate surge with that process. Experts advise grandparents to respect the par- Did you believe that a crib was the best spot for a baby to
of love and pride in their son or daughter who has produced this ents’ boundaries, to ask before you make plans, and to let perceived sleep? Many of today’s parents have other ideas and want to at
amazing baby and taken on an important new challenge. slights roll off your back. Remember, new parents are probably get- least experiment with co-sleeping (having the baby in their bed
And there are aspects requiring some effort and ting too little sleep, feeling some nervousness about this huge new or at least in their bedroom). Were you eager to start your new
pre-meditation. responsibility, and adjusting to the non-stop demands of an infant. baby on “real food” such as cereal? Some advice today is to stay

with just mother’s milk or formula for the first six or daughter that you wouldn’t say to daughter-or
months. There are many new – and valid – par- son-in-law. Say what you have to say to both or
enting philosophies and approaches. It’s up to don’t say it at all.
the parents to decide which to use and up to you • Don’t criticize your son or daughter-in-
to go along with those decisions. law in conversation with your child.
• Try to remain neutral when disagree-
Your advice may not ments occur instead of taking sides. Be the
person who adds positive energy, not the person
always be welcome. who stirs up arguments or feeds animosity.
You may reach the moment when you think • Be true to yourself. Develop a special
your experience and wisdom could benefit your bond with your grandchild based on who you
GRANDbaby or his or her parents. As true as that really are. Don’t think you have to compete with
may be, experts advise to tread carefully. other relatives.
Remember that giving advice can be send- The relationship between the baby’s mother
ing mixed messages. It can mean, “I love you so and the her mother-in-law are, for many families,
much that I want to help,” or “I really don’t have the most difficult. In fact, a study conducted by
much confidence in your ability to figure this out the University of Cambridge Center for Family
for yourself.” Research and an organization called the Stand
Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells: Alone Institute found one of the most common
Navigating the Delicate Relationship Between reasons for families becoming estranged is
Adult Children and Parents generalizes the prob- the relationship between parents and the
lem, saying that advising any adult child – not just where you are not in charge? Where you sometimes disagree daughter-in-law.
one who is a new parent – can lead to resentment. but are afraid if you do that relations will become strained? It’s Deanna Brann, a clinical psychotherapist who contributes to
There’s also this advice in Good to Be Grand – Making the not always easy, but you just keep doing it and you keep getting Huffington Post and who has authored two books on the topic
Most of Your Grandchild’s First Year: Remind yourself that sev- better at it.” of relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-
eral different opinions or approaches may be valid, especially law, points out that some of these relationships have a “passive
when studies and techniques are still developing. Then realistically
assess how receptive the parents might be to suggestions. Some
There may arise the need to aggressive” nature.
What does a passive-aggressive daughter-in-law tend to do?
new parents are happy to hear another opinion. Others will take navigate the in-law relationship She might avoid spending time with you. She’s always busy when
any attempt to start the conversation as a criticism or insult. If you with more care than before. you come for a visit. She goes out of her way to include her mother
do decide to speak up – choose the time wisely and try to raise When there are two sets of grandparents (or more, if any of the in special times, without sharing those times with you. You can,
the topic in a non-threatening way. Phrase it as a question and grandparents have divorced and remarried) it’s unlikely that the of course ignore this kind of behavior, or you can encourage your
find out more about what the parents think before you talk about relationship with the baby and the baby’s parents will be identi- daughter-in-law to express her feelings. When she does, acknowl-
your ideas. cal. Even if relationship patterns have been going along without edge that she has a right to those feelings and that your intent is not
If it sounds as though your role as a grandparent means for- disruption before the baby is born, some new issues may come to to infringe on her right to feel what she feels. You may be able to
ever biting your tongue, take heart from Alex, the grandfather the surface. Here is advice for keeping things flowing smoothly. clear up past misunderstandings, but the most important part is to
of three, who says: “Is it tough to manage – this relationship • Be inclusive in your comments. Don’t say things to your son let her know you want to have a good relationship going forward.
Families then and now
Getting grandparents off to
O a great start!
f course, society itself is running on cus- Family lifestyles with two working parents have
toms and norms that may seem significantly opened a need, an opportunity – and in some cases a
different from what we’ve experienced feeling of obligation – for grandparents to fill the gap
before. When most of today’s grandparents grew left by inadequate or unaffordable childcare options.
up, our society was no longer based on an extended Another recent study found that 97% of fami-
family living in the same house. Yet grandparents lies receive some help from grandparents – ranging
often lived in the same town and saw their grand- from providing consistent general childcare to taking
children frequently – for fun, for babysitting, or both. on specific responsibilities such as dropping off and
The traditional picking up from
arrangement of daycare, to step-
dad working and ping in to help in
mom staying case of unexpected
home with the circumstances.
kids was mostly There’s no reason
in place. It was a relationship
changing in the between a mother
1970s and 1980s, and her mother-in-
but subtly. In the law can’t be warm
Walking on Reluctantly Related: Good to Be Grand:
decades since and rewarding –
then, with the rise and many are. It’s all Eggshells: Navigating Secrets to Getting Making the Most of
in families with about compromise, the Delicate Along With Your Your Grandchild’s
two employed communication and Relationship Between Mother-in-Law or First Year
parents, families consideration – and Adult Children and Daughter-in-Law Author:
are looking for a it’s worth putting Parents Author: Cheryl Harbour
new definition of your best effort into Author: Jane Isay Deanna Brann
Family Ties (TV series 1982 - 1989)
roles. establishing the
A government study analyzing data from 2016, right kind of connections with all the “planets” in
found that 70.5% of women with children are work- the baby’s universe. According to Vern Bengtson, a
ing outside the home, and for women with children professor at the University of Southern California’s
under 6 years old, the number was nearly 65%. That School of Social Work, in an article in the New York
Cheryl Harbour is the special editor of the “My
doesn’t make the decision any easier for parents to Post, “These intergenerational connections are pro-
GRANDbaby” section and author of Good to Be
provide care for their child when they’re working – so tective factors for a lot of life risk conditions.” A pos- Grand: Making the Most of your Grandchild’s First
experts advise that grandparents refrain from com- itive relationship is healthy for you. And maybe most Year, a combination of up-to-date information and
paring or judging. important of all: It’s good for the GRANDbaby! grandparently inspiration.
57 GRAND
Your sleeping, waking, crying, eating, rocking, rolling, sitting,

crawling, standing, cruising, walking, talking GRANDbaby
Enrich the first year!
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
Y
ou have a new GRANDbaby! It’s a
major milestone for you and just
the beginning of the baby’s major
Chapter 15
developments. You’ll be an important
person in this child’s life. The more you
know, the more you can add to his or her
well-being and development through all
the important stages.
There are two important things to know
about the milestones during an infant’s
first year of life:
1 Babies make amazing progress this

year. They go from being able only to
sleep, cry, and eat to moving around and
exploring their world. They become indi-
viduals with “minds of their own” in a very
real sense. And, they develop an entire
range of emotions.
2 There is no rigid timetable for when

an infant will accomplish certain
tasks. Don’t let your expectations get in
the way of enjoying every minute.
Here is a basic “milestone map” with
suggestions for how you can enjoy and
interact with this baby and share this won-
derful adventure.
58 GRAND
• In addition to talking -- read and sing. • Funny faces
0 to 3 months But, be aware of when to take a break. When a baby has had • Their own face in a mirror
Possible milestones during this time:
enough, he or she may start looking away or turning away or get • Making adults laugh
• Lifting head briefly when on tummy
fussy. • “Raspberries” on the tummy or the feet
• Holding head steady when upright
• New things to see, hear and touch (SOME babies love this)
• Focusing on a face
During the first three months of life, your grandbaby’s brain is • Dancing in your arms
• Cooing, squealing, laughing
developing at a rapid rate. What’s happening is sometimes called • Watching things
• Reacting to a sound, begin to turn in that direction
“brain wiring” – connections between brain cells are being made. Babies tend to like sharp contrasting colors or black and white
• Beginning to reach for an object and trying to grasp it
• Introduce colorful objects. designs, rather than muted colors. Typically, babies like gazing at
• Bringing hands together
• Use books but don’t worry about following the story. Books things from the side, instead of looking straight up. To encourage
• Smiling, usually randomly
with texture offer a chance to feel new things tracking of moving objects, move a toy or other item from some
• Follow your GRANDbaby’s gaze. A fluttering curtain? I light one side of the baby’s sight line to the other.
fixture? Talk about it. • Reaching for things
• Is the baby noticing a bird chirping or a car zooming by.? When your grandbaby starts reaching for objects, remember
Stop and listen – talk about it. that young babies will only reach for an item offered from the
side, not from the front.
3 to 6 months
Possible milestones during this time: Keep Talking
• Sitting with steady head, needing support at first, then less At this age, continue to talk to your grand-
support baby and, especially, as he or she nears the
• Keeping head aligned with back when pulled to sitting age of six months, add to your repertoire.
• Bearing some weight on legs and eventually, pulling him- Point out qualities of the objects in
self or herself up when holding on to someone front of both of you. “This blanket is
• Rolling over soft.” “This light is bright.”
• Grasping items and passing them from one hand to the Describe what objects are for. “Socks
keep your feet warm.” “The spoon stirs
What babies at this age like: other
• Trying to hold on to a toy or object (your keys, sun- the food.”
• The sound of your voice
glasses, etc.) when you try to take it away Tune in together to sounds. “The
Start talking to your new GRANDbaby immediately and con-
• Babbling, expanding range of sounds dog is barking…woof, woof.” “Look at
tinually. In their book titled Meaningful Differences in the Everyday
• Smiling back when you smile the truck…vroom, vroom.”
Experience of Young American Children, Betty Hart, Ph.D., and Todd
• Developing the ability to eat solid food Begin asking the baby
Risley, Ph.D., stress the important influence of talkative families,
• Extending periods of continuous sleep at to respond to commands.
concluding children in those families had a higher IQ at age 3 and
night. “Wave bye bye.” “Give
better test scores at age 9 than those in less talkative ones.
Grandma a cuddle.” (But
• Talk about what you’re doing and what’s in front of you.
What babies at this age like: don’t expect the appropri-
• Give names to objects and body parts.
• Sing-song melodies ate response just yet.)
• Change your pitch and tone of voice.
59 GRAND
Nanny or Granny? 2 Some families report that

More and more grandparents are helping with encouraging their granny/nanny to accept
childcare for their grandchildren. It’s estimated pay, even if nominal, makes the arrangement
that more than 60% of grandparents provide seem more mutual. If grandparents don’t
some childcare. actually need the extra money, one sugges-
If grandparents are providing more than a tion is to agree to something less than the
parents’ night out or occasional “sitting” – and going nanny rate. Another idea is for the
are instead the major source of childcare - baby’s parents to express appreciation with
there are pros and cons to consider. Thinking something special – paying for a weekend
through the situation ahead of time may save trip or treating them to a “dinner out” each
awkward situations or hurt feelings – either month.
theirs or yours.
How many days are you available,
given the other aspects of your life? Being a
3 Don’t keep the family times
going so the grandparents only see their
grandparent doesn’t mean you must give up
grandchild when they’re on duty.
your hobbies, your friends, and your health.
In fact, if you want to stay happy and healthy An editor of American Baby Magazine discussing grandparents as babysitters.
and be present for the long-term, don’t be too 4 The responsibility not to overdo
quick to eliminate what you love and need. the time expected for childcare sometimes falls on the baby’s
Filling the nanny role may add new On the positive side, here are several parents. They should be sure the grandparents don’t give up everything
dimensions to your relationship with your son considerations: else – even if they seem willing to do so.
or daughter and partner. Are they “the boss”? Day-to-day or frequent contact with your GRANDbaby gives you the oppor-
Are they difficult to please? Are they expect- tunity to build a very special bond and to be there for all the major moments.
ing you to be perfect? If so, it might be better Your arrangement may give your daughter or son and partner a truly Click here to continue reading
to let another person be nanny while you priceless gift: peace of mind. The nanny industry is filled with good,
enrich your grandbaby’s life in other ways. honest, dependable people. Even so – you are a known quantity and
How will you deal with the issue of nanny your love for the grandbaby is guaranteed.
pay?
Are you physically able in terms of the
strength and energy to provide the care that
5 Tips for success with granny/nanny Cheryl Harbour is the special
an infant…and then a toddler…requires? It arrangement. editor of the “My GRANDbaby”

section and author of Good to
could be risky for either you or your grand- 1 Grandparents have special privileges nan- Be Grand: Making the Most of
your Grandchild’s First Year,
baby or both to pretend you can do what you
nies don’t have. So some families set up different nanny rules a combination of up-to-date
honestly can’t. information and grandparently
and granny rules. In time, children become used to the two separate
inspiration.
roles.
60 GRAND
Chapter 16 The ever-blossoming

independence of infants
BY CHERYL HARBOUR
W
hen your grandbaby is so new, it may seem
way too early to start talking about indepen-
dence, but helping a child feel secure and
loved is the first step toward self-sufficiency – and you
can be all about security and love!
Infants, as you know, are completely dependent on
the caregivers around them. Having a nurturing rela-
tionships with those adults, based on responsiveness
to physical needs such as being wet, hungry, tired or
uncomfortable, helps to build a sense of security.
As a grandparent, what can you do from the start?
Be aware of your grandbaby’s moods and patterns. Of
course, the parents of your grandbaby are doing the
same thing – and they’re also setting patterns they’d like
you to follow. What you observe about the cues your
grandbaby is sending out – when he’s tired, for exam-
ple, or when she’s bored or uncomfortable, allow you to
respond in nurturing ways. Some experts advise that you
see it as a “partnership”: the baby is getting used to his
world, and you’re facilitating it.
alleviate it. You can also play some games with your grandbaby egg? Use a whisk? Spoon the mixture into the muffin cups? The
that help – either peekaboo (where you hide your face and then results may not be perfect – but the process is fun.
make it reappear) or a variation with toys. • Feeding the dog or cat. Help setting the table.
Children are hardwired for independence so as they develop, they • Keep “their stuff” where they know where to find it. Have
will have a natural curiosity and drive to explore and master their them pick out a book. Choose the pair of socks for the day.
world. It’s important to give babies some time to play and explore on • An experienced grandma tells us that her best strategy for
their own. That doesn’t mean leaving them ALONE, it just means not encouraging her toddler to “come along” is to give him some-
being right in their face all the time. It may mean putting some fas- thing to carry or help with. “Do you want to push the elevator
cinating objects on the quilt with the baby and letting the baby fool button?” “Can you pop the button on the car?” “I’d love your help
around on his own. You can stand back and observe. carrying this bag into the store.”
As your grandbaby explores his world and attempts new tasks, • Give choices so they get good at making them. “Red hat or
there’s always a chance of frustration. And as someone who loves blue hat today?”
her and wants her to be resilient and self-sufficient, your job is not
to instantly rush right in and make it all better. The wise grand-
parent will know when to let the baby struggle a little and when
#1 recommended tool for
to help. Is that bright duckie just out of reach? Stretching for it independence: the step stool
might just be the first step toward crawling. You can’t do it if you can’t see it! When we talked to grandpar-
ents, they told us that having a step stool handy for their grand-
child opened a whole new world of possibilities for fun, for help-
As infants grow to toddlers, so does ing, for learning.
their quest for independence
At the beginning, you can be sure your baby isn’t deliberately The way parents and grandparents react to a child’s efforts
trying for a response from you – that baby just knows she NEEDS can have a great influence over that child’s self-confidence.
something. The very youngest babies don’t even know they Of course, doing something when you’re just learning takes
HAVE a self, apart from you – and during the first year of life, that longer. It can have questionable results. So being a grandparent
will be one of their major learnings. through those stages requires patience and good judgment.
At about 4 months, your grandbaby may begin to You can also create learning experiences. When your grandbaby
understand that when she cries – you respond. And when he is no longer an infant, but a walking, running, reaching, grabbing
smiles, you smile. Your grandbaby is just beginning to discover two-year old, he may enter the “Me Do It” stage. You can either fight
intention, maybe getting the first inkling of cause and effect. it or facilitate it. After all, a toddler feeding herself usually makes a
At about 6 or 7 months, a realization dawns on the mess. Putting on clothes takes longer. And choosing clothes? That
baby – she is SHE and you are YOU – and that can lead to separa- can result in some very weird outfits. And only you can decide what
tion anxiety. Are you, or her other loving caretakers, going to walk you’re comfortable with. But somehow, the toddler needs to get
away? What if she needs you while you’re out of sight? Will you practice and to do a job imperfectly at first to become proficient.
come back?
Sometimes this anxiety lasts for many months – and your
Some ways to facilitate:
• Come up with tasks where you can use their help. Simple
reassurance, and the fact that you DO reappear, will usually help baking or cooking, for example. Break down the steps. Break an
Baby-proof your house so you won’t have

to constantly be saying “No!”  Cover sharp edges of furniture with molded
plastic pieces made for this purpose.
 Secure sliding doors.
 Put window shade cords and lamp cords
out of reach.
 Cover electrical outlets.
 Secure or lock cabinet doors.
 Remove anything fragile or heavy from where
the baby might reach.
 Inspect surfaces and remove any small objects
that pose a choking risk, especially batteries,
pet treats and toys, coins, buttons, paper clips,
or small pieces of food or candy.
 Keep purses – and all their colorful, intriguing
contents — out of reach.
 Keep plastic bags away from the baby.
Click here to continue reading
Cheryl Harbour is the special

editor of the “My GRANDbaby”
Be Grand: Making the Most of
your Grandchild’s First Year,
If your grandbaby spends time in your home, basic baby-proofing a combination of up-to-date
information and grandparently
is a must. Here’s a partial checklist of some important safeguards. inspiration.
63 GRAND
10 ways being a grandparent changes you

BY CHERYL HARBOUR
Chapter 17
The first time you see your new grandbaby,

your heart melts. Other changes happen gradually
over the months and years.
7 Changes your shoes

Put away the high heels, flimsy flip flops, and perfectly
shined wingtips. What you need for your times as a grandparent
are comfortable, sensible shoes.
8 Gives you something in common with strangers

Being a grandparent is like being a member of a big, happy
club. Your grandbaby is your ticket to sharing photos and experi-
ences with anyone in the same boat.
9 Gives you a huge new dose of empathy

You will no longer be able to turn a blind eye to a small child
in tears. It may be a while since you found yourself in a food store
with your own young child having a tantrum – but now when it’s
happening to someone else, you may be a lot more tolerant.
Being a grandparent… 4 Brings out your protective side

Mother tiger? Papa bear? They have nothing on grandpar-
10 Helps you rediscover the joy of small things.
Young children are Zen masters. They are always present
in the moment. You’ll find yourself taking time, with your grand-
1
ents when it comes to making sure that a young child is safe from baby by your side, to appreciate bugs, birds, leaves, clouds, and
Gives you a new name harm. sounds. Take advantage of the occasion. Your grandbaby won’t be
Will you be NaNa, Nanny, Granny, GaGa, Mimi or Mamie? young forever.
5
PaPa, PopPop, Boopa, Granddad or Gramps? The possibilities are Makes you feel personally invested in the future
endless. Sometimes you’ll get to choose your own GRAND name Grandparents have told us that having a grandbaby in their
and sometimes that will change when your grandbaby is old life gives them “skin in the game” when it comes to what’s hap-
enough to talk. Click here to continue reading
pening in the world. Some grandparents just worry about it;
2
others find themselves getting involved in efforts to pro-
Marshals your energy tect the environment, preserve the American dream, or
If you’ve become a little set in your ways, having a grandbaby create a kinder, more compassionate society.
will un-set you. Babies have their own rhythms. You won’t be able
6
to control when your grandbaby sleeps, cries, is ready to eat, wants Introduces new forms of exercise Cheryl Harbour is the special
attention or has other needs – but you’ll find ways to keep up. How long has it been since you rocked, rolled, editor of the “My GRANDbaby”
3
crawled, or hopped? Your grandbaby may have you Be Grand: Making the Most of
Brings out your playful side down on the floor, crawling after a toy, racing down a your Grandchild’s First Year,
Nothing is more fun than making a young baby laugh. And sidewalk, swinging at the playground. If you’re physically a combination of up-to-date
all it takes is funny faces, silly sounds, and completely letting your able – enjoy it. It’s a great incentive to get in shape. information and grandparently
serious side take a backseat. inspiration.
65 GRAND
Hope you There is so much
enjoyed this more to learn as Now, you can get
MyGRANDbaby your grandbaby GRAND Magazine
E-Book. grows. too...it’s FREE!
www.ReadGrand.com
GRAND - Living the Ageless Life

editor@grandmagazine.com
Find us on Facebook and Twitter
www.GrandMagazine.com

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A special e-book for new and expecting grandparents

This e-book is excerpted from GRAND Magazine

So you’re going to be a grandparent!

4 reasons why you shouldn’t “spread the news”

Should you dust off your child’s crib?

Welcome to the World!

Long distance participation

Top Six Mistakes New Grandparents Should Avoid

 Spread the news far and wide

Call me Ishmael. . . or not!

How new grandparents can support the new mother

9 GRAND Continued on next page

Let the new mother know she can come to you

Keeping baby safe while sleeping

Getting ready for baby Forget the bling, gift a sling

How new grandparents

13 GRAND Continued on next page

The 13 best books for new GRANDparents

2. Today’s Grandmother: Your

14 GRAND Continued on next page

5. The Grandparents 8. The Good Granny

Ask Grandma Karen:

7. When Being a 10. Glorious

Give the gift of sleep and more...

More sun safety tips for grandbabies . . . and grands!

A beautiful grandbaby… right from the beginning Wonder Granny

Your grandbaby is wired to learn

For expert insights into those tiny,

Research reveals how babies think

2 When looking at photos, they prefer the

3 Laughing is a form of socialization for

4 They seem to recognize – and react more to

5 Babies are born imitators.

6 Babies prefer their native tongue.

7 Babies stay more engaged when they see

A Quick Look at Some

Bodhi Day (Buddhist) – December 8

Milad-un-Nabi - or Malwid, ID-E-Milad –

Over the river and through the woods?

Manage holiday expectations happily

Here are a few easy ways to interact physically:

JulieAnne’s Favorite Fives 5 reasons to take

5 ways to rock out

This is your brain while dancing Q.

33 GRAND Continued on next page

34 GRAND Continued on next page

What will your

36 GRAND Continued on next page

When a GRANDbaby has a special condition

If your GRANDbaby is born prematurely, how

37 GRAND Continued on next page

38 GRAND Continued on next page

“Be there” for your

Don’t come up short

39 GRAND Continued on next page

Eat protein to keep your muscles strong Wonder Granny

Water, water everywhere

41 GRAND Continued on next page

The six states of a

42 GRAND Continued on next page

BUT…babies often don’t sleep as well as on their backs, so

43 GRAND Continued on next page

The art of swaddling

Babies this age love…