ARDHANAAREESHWARAA!

His mother walked into the room just as he was about to apply her new lipstick. She was startled.
He was startled. "What are you doing with my lipstick? It's new...I haven't used it so far. Couldn't
you have waited?" He smiled and handed it back to her. "I forgot to tell you...I am playing Draupadi
in our college production... rehearsals start this evening."

“Oh...Hell!” She shouted. “Papa is going to kill you....didn’t you get any macho role to play? Why
not Nakula or Sahaadeva – if not Arjuna and Bhima?”

Though she acted as if did not matter, she was getting worried about her son’s recent
activities....She was inwardly cringing at the thought of whether her son was transforming into a
trans-sexual or bi....His trying her brand of perfumes when no one was around, his donning her
choice clothes in privacy, his growing long hair......oh My! What will his father say when he finds
that his son was slowly slipping into these routines.....!

She was jolted back to consciousness by his voice....

“Come on Maa! It is only a play.....It is all about trying to project another character efficiently and
in my opinion, a man playing the role of a woman to perfection is actually a better actor.....and
excelling in whatever you do – even if it means playing a female – is more macho than the false
machismo of playing to stereotypes.....Besides, don’t you know that even star actors like
Kamalhassan have donned female make-up – and does it make them less of a man?”

And he moved away to his room as if there was nothing more to be discussed.

Oh...how difficult it is to raise teenagers now-a-days? She was tormented by doubts and
anxieties.....”Did Ramu kakka who is known to be a lewd character and who was rumoured to get
that extra inch closer to every kid uncomfortably abuse him as a child and whether it has made him
indulge in these cross-dressing activities as a sort of psychological defence/ release.....or worse?”......

Her thoughts moved back 17 years and she shuddered at what happened that day.....She and her
mother had dressed him up in girls’ clothing complete with lipstick, hair-clips and nail polish and
made him dance to a raunchy tune just for fun and were enjoying a gala time captivated by the
funny moves that the little kid made...Just then his father came home and was livid with rage, and
what happened later was something that she would prefer not to happen again....and NOW......what
will happen if he finds out?.....

She thought it will be better if she herself reveals it to him and later maybe, they should take their
son for counselling to set him right.....She was taking four steps towards her husband’s room
resolutely and eight steps backward out of the fear what he might do or say when she shares the info
with him....She was unable to decide one way or another. Oh Mai! Why this situation to me! She
gathered her courage at last and tip-toed towards her husband’s room. He was an angry man who
did not allow anyone to enter his room without his permission – even his wife! She knocked gently
at the door and waited....Didn’t he hear her knocks.....should she knock again?...Just then she
noticed a window slightly ajar and decided to peek inside to see if he was coming to open the door
or possibly he did not hear her knocks at all and was engrossed in his work.....She froze at what she
saw!.....She noiselessly slipped away....No need of discussing the matter with him any more....”let
me face it when he finds out and I know what to say now!”

The next morning, her son revealed his plan of donning Draupati’s role in the college
production....Her husband flew into a rage and shouted “I wanted a son desperately and you were
born; now why do you want to don bangles and choli and become a girl? Don’t you feel ashamed?”
He glared at her who was standing in the corner of the hall and shouted “see how you have brought
up your son? He has no shame to dress as a female and trot like that before the whole college? What
do you have to say for that?”

She smiled back inscrutably and said “Donning Draupadi’s role in a college production is more
macho than donning Chandramukhi costume in the privacy of one’s work-room and dancing in gay
abandon......He has the guts to be what he is, do what he likes – OPENLY – which makes him more
of a man. And I know for a fact that not all who dress up in female clothing for fun are napumsaks
or Sikandis.....and winked at her husband.”

Then she walked up to her son and gave him a gentle hug and said “Betaa! Do what feels right for
you and have the guts to be what you are. It does not matter whether one is man or woman or third
gender...having the courage to do what one feels is right, and following one’s hearts’ desires openly
without peddling one persona for the world and one for the self in private is definitely more
adorable.”

She was not worried any more.....Whether he was a macho man just donning the role of a female
due his passion for acting, or whether he was having a feminine side to him that was seeking
expression through such a role – it did not matter. He was genuine.....He was human – with the
frankness to accept his wishes as they are and express them as he wishes...that is more important!
He won’t hide his true nature behind a false facade of machismo and try to assert his manliness by
perverted expressions like abusing the partner just to prove his manliness, or strut around pushing
everyone to a corner just to negate his inner insecurities/ identities/ preferences.

The bell sound from the nearby temple seemed to approve her new found relief....and the sound of
mantra chanting reached her ears “Om Ardhanaareeshwaraaya namah” ....well.....is it not an
approval for the Universal scheme of things? - “Inside every woman there is bit of a man....and in
every man, there is bit of a woman”.......She bowed her head in reverence and relief. The world is
not going to end after-all by her son playing the role of Draupadi......what if he gets attracted to bi-
dressing......does it matter.....it is after all – his world and his choice. She unconsciously echoed the
mantra “Om Ardhanaareeshwaraaya namah; Shakti Vallabhaaya namah.”

R DAKSHINA MOORTHI