A Dip Into The Truth

Our own experience tells us time and time again that expectations reduce our
enjoyment of life. Yet, most of us do not even realize that a lot of times having
too many expectations about everything could be a reason for not naturally feeling
happy.

For example, we go to see a movie that everyone has been raving about and even at
the theater we experience the hype and the buzz. Then, when we see the movie — yes,
it was good, but not that wonderful! Sounds familiar?

On the other hand, friends throw a surprise party for you and you have a fabulous
time. There is a lot of joy in surprises, which is why kids love them.
Expectations, which are just our imaginings about how things might be, prevent the
mind from being fully with what is happening in the moment and so reduce the joy
that is inherent in the present moment.

Clearly, expectations are not something we can or should avoid. They are just like
all other thoughts — they arise and pass away on their own. Simply observing them
with the knowledge that they reduce enjoyment in life is enough for some of us to
avoid getting caught up most of the time. But for other people, unfulfilled
expectations are a major source of disturbance. Many of us need an understanding of
our mind and of life itself before we can let go of expectations. This
understanding can be gained through wisdom and meditation.

Example:
Let’s take an example of an expectation and how meditation and practical wisdom can
help to reduce the disturbance around it.

Say you’re attending a group meditation session. You have an expectation that
people doing the meditation will comply with the instruction given prior to the
session to turn off their mobile phones.

You are starting to sink into a pleasant meditative state when a phone rings
loudly. Phones continue to ring several more times during the session. One possible
response is that you let go of your expectation that people obey the instruction to
turn their phones off and accept the ringing phones as you would any other noise.

Alternatively, you may be unable to do that and may feel that the phone owners are
lacking in awareness, selfish, and inconsiderate. Consequently, your mind will be
simmering with irritation during your “meditation”. You may spend much of the
session mentally criticizing these people or the organizers, or you may be planning
what you will say to the organizers later.

What are the key realizations that can pull you out of this reaction?

The recognition that the problem is not in the situation but in your reaction to
it! Equally loud or louder noises could be made by dogs barking, rain, thunder, or
traffic. Crickets chirping could make a sound quite similar to a mobile phone
ringing. Yet, if they were to make noises during a meditation session, you are
unlikely to feel that the rain, dogs, or crickets are selfish or unaware. You would
probably not accuse truck drivers driving past and honking their horns of being
inconsiderate.