Advice from Dear Abby

Abigail Van Buren (Abby) was a popular American advice columnist whose letters were
published in major newspapers for decades. Below are 32 letters along with her replies. They
are organized by ‘cast’ size, smallest to largest.

How to Play!
Dear Abby Skits
In small groups, each group is given a letter to Dear Abby along with her reply. Invite actors to
‘dramatize’ the issue depicted in the letters, further developing the characters into a short scene
in which the problem is introduced and a solution is achieved.

Or try this!
Dear Abby Monologues
Give each student a letter and invite them to write and perform a one-minute
monologue as the character who wrote the letter. Ask students to elaborate on
the problem, adding descriptive language and then performing their monologue
in character.

Bizarre Twist Dear Abby

In small groups, ask students to play out the problem, as described above, but
this time, ask them to come up with a totally bizarre solution!

Audience Suggestion Dear Abby

Give each group a letter and have one group member
read the letter aloud to the class. Class members must
come up with the reply that the actors then play out!

Dear Abby Themed Show

If you have been asked to put on a play this year,
consider inviting students to create an entire show based
on advice column letters. Students may wish to come up
with a fictitious advice columnist who ‘narrates’ the show.
Letters could reflect the problems that teens face today;
the ‘show’ would consist of a series of skits and scenes.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Stressed Out Teen Taxi Driver
2 Females (friends)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school senior. At the beginning of the school year, I agreed to drive
my best friend to school in the mornings, and for a while it was nice. Last month she started to
refuse to talk while I was driving. If I tried talking to her, she wouldn't respond. She recently
told her boyfriend (who she texts constantly while riding with me) that she didn't like my
driving. I found out because of a post he made on Facebook. When I asked her about it, she
said that morning I had slammed on the brakes and it scared her. This has made me tense and
stressed out in the mornings, and I want to stop driving her. My grandmother says I should
stick it out instead of causing friction. My mom thinks I should stop driving her, but only if she
can find another ride. I tried to explain this to her, but she won't listen and I'm still stuck with
her. This has ruined our relationship. I feel like she hates me, but I don't know what to do
about any of it. Help! -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN FLORIDA

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Your former best friend may have stopped talking to you on the way
to school because she was too busy texting her boyfriend. She is ignoring the fact that you
have been doing her the favor of transporting her and is using you as a private taxi service. If
she was frightened because you braked suddenly, the person she should have said it to was
you. So stop "explaining" to her and tell her that if she wants to continue getting a free ride,
she had better adjust her attitude or make other arrangements for transportation.

Her Sister Is a Thief

2 females (sisters)

DEAR ABBY: My parents and sister live three hours away, so my family stays with me when
they come to town. Over the last few years, I noticed things began to disappear from my home.
They are usually small and portable -- earrings, in particular. The idea of someone stealing from
me was very upsetting. When I mentioned it to my sister, she suggested that it could be our
housekeeper. After my wedding band vanished, I had a security camera installed. A few months
later, two more pairs of earrings went MIA, so I had the surveillance company review the tapes.
It turns out the thief is my sister! The idea that she has gone through my things and helped
herself with no remorse after I opened my home to her disgusts me. When I confronted her,
she denied it. She later told my mother that she did take the earrings, but didn't know why I
wanted them "because they were so ugly." Christmas is coming and I can no longer welcome
her to my home. Why would she do this to me? -- TRUSTED MY SISTER IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR TRUSTED: Not knowing your sister, I can't say for certain why she would steal from
you. She may have kleptomania and be unable to control her impulses. Or, she may resent you
for what she perceives you have that she doesn't (a happy life, lovely home, etc.) and has been
taking the items to "even things up."While I don't blame you for being upset, please understand
that whatever her reason, she's a troubled woman who needs help. Unless you lock up anything
of value, she should not be in your home.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 He’s Still Searching Dating Sites
1 female, 1 male

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in an exclusive, committed relationship with "Vince." We have

talked about a future together and getting married. My only issue is I can't seem to keep him
off of dating sites. Even when I catch Vince red-handed, he'll deny it or blame it on his friend
"using his ID." I have asked him over and over to delete the sites, but he won't. He continues
to tell me he's in love with me and wants only me. He says I'm the woman of his dreams. If
that's true, there should be no need for him to look anymore, right? Please help me understand
his obsession, and if there are any tools I can use to be more effective to talk to Vince about
this. -- FUMING IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUMING: Your communication tools are just fine. Your ability to recognize when
someone is stringing you along is what needs improvement. You may feel you are in a
committed relationship, but Vince appears to be less committed than you are. Worse, he also
has a problem telling the truth. If Vince wanted only you and was ready to settle down, he
wouldn't compulsively look online to see who else is available.

Paying Back a Loan

2 females (sisters)

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, my oldest sister, "Olivia," loaned me $3,000 at a time when I
was struggling to make ends meet. I promised to repay the loan at the end of the year. The
time came and I wrote her a check for the full amount, but she didn't cash it. She said she
didn't need the money and the loan was forgiven. Fast-forward twenty years: While Olivia has
remained financially stable, I am now in a better place financially because of an inheritance.
After learning about this inheritance, Olivia asked me for the money back! Because I can afford
it, I plan on repaying her, but I can't get over her surprising request. Do you have any words of
wisdom to help me make sense of this? -- UNSETTLED SIBLING

DEAR UNSETTLED: Your sister may have forgiven the loan all those years ago because she
thought repaying her would have caused you financial stress. Now that she knows you're well
able to give her the money, she would like to have it. You and I don't know why she's asking
for it, but trust me, there is always a reason.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 She Makes More Money Than He Does
1 female, 1 male (parents optional)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman in a fantastic relationship with a man two years older. I
could fill volumes with all the things I love about him. My problem is I make more money than
he does. He earns a good living and is a hard worker, but he constantly says things like, "You're
going to leave me for someone who makes more money than I do," or, "Your parents don't
think I'm good enough for you because I didn't go to college." Abby, my parents don't care
about that. They adore him because they see how happy he makes me. I don't care that I earn
more. The way I look at it, eventually when we're married, our finances will be combined. I
have tried telling him this and convincing him that I love him for all his qualities, but he doesn't
believe me. Is there anything else I can do? -- HEAD OVER HEELS IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR HEAD OVER HEELS: The problem isn't that you make more money than your boyfriend
does; it's that he doesn't have enough self-confidence to believe that someone could love him
just for himself. Some men feel that in order for them to affirm their masculinity, they have to
bring in the bigger paycheck. You might point out that when he says those things, it hurts your
feelings because it implies that all you care about is money, you have poor values and are for
sale to the highest bidder. But until he is able to recognize all that he has to offer, there's
nothing more you can do.

Husband Eats All of the Food

1 female, 1 male

DEAR ABBY: My hog-mouth husband and I are having an ongoing disagreement about food.
When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of
it as he wants without leaving any for me. His argument is that if it’s around for several days –
even if it’s frozen – I have had “plenty of time to get my share.” I feel it shouldn’t be up to him
to tell me how much to eat, and when. He weighs almost twice as much as I do, and eats
accordingly. It’s particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in the preparation of a dish, only
to find it’s gone when I want my second helping. I think he is being inconsiderate at best. Am I
wrong? – WHERE’S MY BEEF?!

DEAR “WHERE’S”: I don’t think so. Your husband is behaving like a selfish child. If you have
been cooking in large quantities, try preparing only enough for two portions for a while – a long
while.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Son Is a Bad Credit Risk
2 males (father, son)

DEAR ABBY: We have a grown son who is married with his own family and home. He and his
wife have jobs. My husband and I are semiretired -- not rich, but we live comfortably. Our
credit score is great. My son wants us to co-sign a loan for him. I know his credit is not good
because I get phone calls from collection agents looking for him. We really don't want to co-
sign. How do I explain this to him? I feel that because I'm his mother it obligates me. I am also
afraid he will stop letting us see the grandkids if I refuse. -- SCARED OF THE DOTTED LINE

DEAR SCARED: Since debt collectors are calling because your son isn't paying his bills, do not
co-sign for a loan for him! If you do, you could wind up having to pay it off yourselves. Your
son is an adult. That you are his mother does not obligate you to assume responsibility in case
he doesn't pay his bills. If he retaliates by not allowing you to see the grandkids, so be it. If you
knuckle under to emotional blackmail, it won't stop, and it could affect your standard of living
for the rest of your lives.

She Looks Just Like His Mom

2 females, 1 male

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy I think is perfect for me on a dating website. We have gone on
several dates and they have been great. He respects my morals and even has some of his own,
which isn't easy to find.The problem: He says I am exactly what he has been looking for except
for one thing. I look like his mother. He says he really likes me and would like to keep dating to
see if he can get past this issue. I like him very much. Is there something I can do, short of
plastic surgery? -- DEAD RINGER IN ARIZONA

DEAR DEAD RINGER: Before changing anything, you need to explore more closely what he's
saying. Ask to meet his mother, then judge for yourself how strong the resemblance is. It's
possible the similarity is less physical and more about your personality or mannerisms. You
should not alter your image to please anyone but yourself. Keep in mind that many men do
marry women who resemble their mothers in some way -- whether it's conscious or not -- and
the marriages are often successful.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Teen Feels Mature Enough To Date
2 females, 1 male (daughter, mom, dad)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a fourteen-year-old girl who's having a disagreement with my parents about
dating. There's this guy, "Connor," who likes me, and I'm very comfortable with him. His older
sister and I are good friends. The trouble is, my parents have strict rules against dating and I
think it's unfair. I think I'm mature enough to date, and I know right from wrong. My friends
say I'm very mature for my age, and they approve of Connor because he's friendly and has an
outgoing personality. I have tried talking to my parents about this, but I always end up in tears.
Can you tell me how I can convince them to give this guy a chance? -- GROWN UP AT 14,
PRINCE GEORGE, CANADA

DEAR GROWN UP: A sure way to show your parents you're mature enough to date would be
to show them you're a responsible person. Do they know when they ask you a question that
they'll get an honest answer with no evasion? Have you shown them that you respect their
curfews? Do you do the chores that are expected of you without having to be reminded? Is the
same true about your homework? If the answer to these questions is yes, then do they know
Connor? Do they know his parents? If they do, they might feel more comfortable about your
seeing him, if it's in a group rather than one-on-one.

Too Much Perfume

2 females, 1 male (wife, husband, stinky mother-in-law)

DEAR ABBY: My problem is my mother-in-law and her abundant use of perfume. The last time
she visited, it was so bad we had to open our windows to air out the rooms. (This was in
January in Minnesota.) My husband addressed the problem with her when I was pregnant, but
now that the baby is here she's back to her old habits. We are all sensitive to perfumes and get
headaches when exposed to it. When she visits, we can't get away from the smell. I don't wear
perfume, but was always told that "perfume is to be discovered, never announced." However,
when I say that around her, she dismisses it. What's the proper etiquette in addressing the
perfume cloud that surrounds her? -- THE NOSE KNOWS

DEAR NOSE: I receive complaints about perfumes almost daily. Perfume "in abundance" can
cause serious allergic reactions in people who are sensitive to it. And when they are exposed to
it in enclosed places (elevators, airplanes, houses with storm windows, gymnasiums, etc.), it
can cause real problems. Your mother-in-law should be reminded again that her perfume is
causing headaches and asked to please not use it around you. Depending upon how old she is
and her sense of smell, she may not realize she is using as much as she is.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Teen Wants To Move Out
2 males, 1 female (son, mom, dad)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a nineteen-year-old high school graduate working full-time as a general
manager for a furniture corporation. I live at home with my parents, but I feel like I am ready
financially and emotionally to move out into my own place. I'm afraid to tell my parents
because we are so close. My father has always said he won't let me move out unless he
approves of the place, and he talks about random checkups of my apartment. If I move out,
aren't I entitled to privacy in my own place? I shouldn't have to get my parents' approval or
have them checking up on me any time they want. How do I approach them about this without
it becoming a screaming match, or ruining the relationship with them? -- UNSETTLED IN
WASHINGTON

DEAR UNSETTLED: At nineteen, you are a young adult and no longer a child. You hold a
responsible job and, I assume, have enough savings that you can afford what you are
contemplating. That your father wants to protect you is understandable because you are his
child. Approach the subject by telling your parents you are "considering" moving out on your
own, and would like your father to help you select a place that is safe. Do not be
confrontational. If he refuses, you can still go looking on your own. Once you are in and settled,
you can then address the subject of "surprise" visits. Your father is not your parole officer, and
it is respectful to call before dropping by.

Starting to Hate Our Daughter

2 females, 1 male

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are starting to hate our older daughter. After dropping out of
college, she moved home to "save some money." Since then, she has lived as she pleases. She
isn't saving money and is contributing nothing toward her support. We have given her a
deadline to move out and will hold to it. But her slovenly ways, sullen attitude and disregard for
rules have created such a toxic atmosphere we're afraid our relationship is forever changed.
Abby, this is not the daughter we raised! What do we do? -- SAD DAD OUT WEST

DEAR SAD DAD: Your letter raises more questions than I can answer. Why did your daughter
drop out of college? Does she have a job? Where is her money going if she's not saving it or
contributing to the household? Does she have a drug problem? Emotional problems? If this isn't
the girl you raised, there has to be a reason for it. Rather than hating her for her behavior,
what you should be doing is finding out what's causing it.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 She Wants To Call His First Wife
2 females, 1 male (girlfriend, ex-wife, divorced man)

DEAR ABBY: I'm considering marrying a man who is divorced. We get along great, and I love
and trust him. Is it ever appropriate to call the ex and discuss her side of the story? Or should I
ask my boyfriend what she'd say if I were to contact her? -- COVERING MY BASES IN
CALIFORNIA

DEAR COVERING YOUR BASES: If you call the ex, you can count on hearing something
negative about your boyfriend or they wouldn't be exes. Also, the things the ex might consider
to be flaws may be the qualities you love best about him. That you would say you love and
trust your boyfriend, and in the next sentence indicate you're considering a chat with his former
wife, makes me wonder how deep your level of trust is. However, if your gut tells you to do
some digging, then you should listen to it -- even if it results in an argument, which it probably
will.

Keeping Promises after Ditching Friend

3 females (mom, daughter, friend)

DEAR ABBY: My fifteen-year-old daughter told a friend she would go to a concert with her a
few months ago. Since then, my daughter decided to end the friendship because the girl was
clingy, dramatic and controlling. Do I insist my daughter go to the concert as she said she
would, or let her off the hook? The friend seems to be hoping she will go so they can renew the
friendship, but my daughter has no plans to do it. Please help! -- MANAGING DISCORD IN
MINNESOTA

DEAR MOM: If the girl is expecting your daughter to go to the concert with her, your daughter
should tell her she does not plan to attend so the girl can invite someone else. Do not insist
that your daughter associate with anyone who makes her feel uncomfortable. Her reason for
pulling back from that relationship showed good judgment.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Not Religious
2 females, 1 male (daughter, mom, dad)

DEAR ABBY: I'm sixteen and come from a devout Roman Catholic family. My parents have
taken me to church every Sunday without fail my entire life. We pray before meals, before
school, at bedtime and at other times every day. My room is filled with religious objects. As far
as I know, everyone else in my extended family is equally fervent. My problem is, I have never
felt very religious. Since I was ten I have challenged the teachings of the church and, as I
mature into adulthood, I'm beginning to identify as agnostic. When I told my parents, at first
they were angry and disappointed. Then they told me I was "just going through a phase." I
know this is more than a phase. It's a personal belief of mine they have been trying to bury my
entire life. I can't continue letting them ignore the real me. The stress of constantly having to
lie to my parents about my faith is tearing me apart to the point that it interferes with my
schoolwork and social life. How can I convince them that this isn't a phase, and that I'm not the
Catholic girl they want me to be? If they continue to refuse to acknowledge my religious beliefs,
who can I turn to for support? -- AGNOSTIC IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR AGNOSTIC: Your parents should not have minimized your feelings by saying they are
only a phase because it was dismissive. That said, you must not allow their devout faith -- and
your lack of it -- to become a contest of wills or a basis for argument. This is an important time
in your life with your parents as you enter adulthood. Thank them for the great foundation they
have given you. Tell them you hope they will continue to love you as you explore what your
beliefs are on this spiritual journey -- because it is a journey.

He Likes To Dance with His Sister

2 females, 1 male (girlfriend, boyfriend, sister)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends
for five years. Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together
at parties. We're all in our mid-twenties. They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music
together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying
and a little creepy. He says Blanca loves to dance and can't always find good partners. She gets
mad when he dances with me instead of her during her favorite songs. I told Jose he can dance
only with me at the parties or only with her. Not both. I don't want to share him. How can I
make him understand how much this bothers me? What can I say to his half-sister when she
gives me the evil eye? My relationship with her is friendly, but it was better before I started
dating her half-brother. -- TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES ONLY TWO: If you want to hang onto Jose, simmer down and be less heavy-
handed. Dictating who he can dance with only makes you appear to be jealous, insecure and
controlling. Because he and Blanca have danced together for so long, it's understandable that
she expects to dance with him. My advice is to be gracious and hold onto your temper, because
if you don't, your relationship with Blanca will no longer be friendly, and it could cost you your
boyfriend.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Dad Spoke Too Soon
2 females, 1 male (daughter, mom, dad)

DEAR ABBY: My dad came into my room and told me he and my mom were having problems -
- that they were thinking about getting divorced. I can't imagine living without them or having
to choose who I want to live with. Every child needs her mother, but Dad is the one who has
always been there for me. Should I just live with my grandparents and see how that works out?
What should I do? -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: It was wrong of your father to talk to you about this before anything had
been decided between him and your mother. I realize that my telling you not to worry about
this would do no good because being upset is perfectly natural in these circumstances. Your
father may have spoken prematurely, so keep that in mind. You should talk to both of your
parents about this. If you are close to your grandparents, discuss it with them, too, since you
feel you might like to live with them to avoid hurting either parent.

Too Many Aches and Pains

3-4 players any gender
DEAR ABBY: How does one stop family and old friends from going on and on about their
aches, pains, symptoms, conditions, doctor visits and medications in excruciating detail? Aside
from my mother (who is 85), I don't care to hear about this from others. It has taught me a
lesson I wish people would follow: While I do have back issues, I speak of them only to my
doctor. I try to be patient, but some folks seem to need someone to vent to. I don't want to be
the one they "tell all" to. I try to tune it out, but I wish there was an easy way to let them know
enough is enough. Any ideas on the best way to handle these people? Or am I stuck being a
good listener forever? -- NOBODY'S THERAPIST IN CROFTON, MD.

DEAR NOBODY'S THERAPIST: Try this: Say, "Really, I'm sorry to hear that." Then change
the subject to something you read in the newspaper, saw on television or that's happening in
your community.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Poor Table Manners
1 female, 3 males (mom, dad, two stepsons)

DEAR ABBY: I have acquired two teenage stepsons. They are good young men, mature,
responsible, active in community service and good in school and sports. My challenge is their
table manners. They were never taught any! They use their utensils like shop tools, lifting food
using fork and knife together to transfer huge bites from plate to mouth. They use a bread
knife to cut a pancake as if it were a tough steak. They slouch over the table to get their faces
as near the plate as possible, while leaning on the table with one or both elbows. They don't
know where to place cutlery when setting the table, and have their napkins in their lap only if a
restaurant server discreetly places it there. Their mother shows no concern about their uncouth
manners. I'm worried that when they eventually go out into the world, they'll be perceived as
having no class when they are actually nice young men. Their ignorance of table manners could
cost them relationships, jobs and promotions. What to do? -- SAN ANTONIO STEPDAD

DEAR STEPDAD: Your wife may have felt she was teaching her sons more important lessons
than table manners; things like character and responsibility. However, you have a point. People
do make negative judgments about people who have poor table manners -- and it could be
detrimental to them in the future. That's why you should discuss this with their mother, if you
haven't already, and enlist her help in talking to the boys in a non-confrontational way and
explaining your concern. In the interest of your relationship with them, this must not seem like
you are critical of them, nor should it turn into an adversarial situation or it could have a
negative impact on your marriage. If it is to succeed, there must be cooperation from everyone.

Sister Addicted To Smartphone

3 females, 1 male

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister "Lainie" is fourteen. She has had a smartphone for about a
year. While I don't belong to any social media sites, Lainie is a social media junkie. She never
goes anywhere without her phone. Sometimes she'll have her phone in one hand and her tablet
in the other, taking turns when one or the other begins to bore her. It's almost impossible to
interact with her because her face is buried in the virtual world just about every hour of the day
and night. I miss the way things used to be before she got that smartphone. I have talked
about this with my parents. While they are equally concerned about Lainie's withdrawn,
sometimes secretive behavior, they never do anything about it. What are your thoughts on this
topic? -- GADGET GIRL'S SISTER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SISTER: It's common for teens to spend a lot of time on their phones and computers.
But when they become withdrawn and secretive, it is time for a parental intervention. If your
folks are equally concerned about your sister's behavior, they should step in, find out what's
going on and do something about it, if necessary. If they don't already, they could start by
scheduling family dinners during which cellphones are turned off or put away.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Angry Dad Wants To Stop Yelling
1 male player and 2-4 ‘children’

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dad in my thirties and I have a problem. I have been battling anger issues
since I was a kid. I have been finding myself getting more and more worked up with my kids.
When they misbehave, I lose it and yell at them. It is the way I was raised; however, I feel
even worse afterward. I really want to break this habit. I don't want the only memories my
children have of me to be images of my red face and bugged-out eyes hollering at them. Do
you have any guidelines I can follow to get a better handle on my anger? -- LOUD DAD IN
WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR LOUD DAD: Yes, I do. And I'm glad you asked me because it's important that you find
other ways of relieving your frustration than taking it out on your children. It is not only
counterproductive, it is extremely destructive. When a bigger person yells at a smaller person,
the message is often lost because the smaller person (in your case, your children) simply shuts
down out of fear that physical violence might follow. You should not ignore your feelings when
your children act up. Rather, you need to find another manner for expressing your emotions.
Dealing with anger calmly and with reason is more effective than lashing out. Expressing your
feelings is healthy when it's done with a few well-chosen words that make your point. As you
have already learned, exploding in anger serves no constructive purpose and only makes you
feel worse afterward.

Single Woman Frustrated With Friends with Kids

1 female, plus 2-4 ‘friends’

DEAR ABBY: I'm a twenty eight-year-old woman with a fantastic job, a wonderful boyfriend
and many friends whom I love dearly. I'm the only one without a child. Maybe I don't
understand because I'm not a parent myself, but all my friends can talk about is children.
Whereas before, we were interested in each other's lives, I feel like my concerns and
accomplishments are being brushed off. An example: I was excited to meet up with a pal to talk
about my promotion, but the hour-long dinner was spent mostly teaching her child how to walk
between the tables of the restaurant. I enjoy hearing about my friends and their families, but I
feel they are no longer interested in me. Am I expecting too much because we're at different
points in our lives, or am I a bad friend? I'm growing resentful, and I don't like it. Any words of
wisdom? -- STILL RELEVANT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STILL RELEVANT: You and your friends are at different stages of life. When you were
in your teens, you and your friends would talk about dating. Then, as you grew older, the
conversations revolved around college, jobs and marriage. As people experience the later
stages of life, they talk about other things that are going on in their lives -- children, grandkids,
aging parents and, finally, their own health concerns. You'll maintain and enjoy these
friendships longer if you understand that. In the meantime, try to set some "adult time only"
with your friends.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 She Doesn’t Speak their Language
4-5 players, any gender

DEAR ABBY: I work with several co-workers who are from another country. They are all very
nice and I love working with them. The problem is when they are together they speak their own
language. I do not understand a word they say, so I am left out of the conversation. How can I
let them know how rude I think this is? – LEFT OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR LEFT OUT: Say it in English, and if they are as nice as you say they are, they will make
an effort to include you.

Cell Phone at the Dinner Table

Mixed group of 4-6

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a group of neighbors who often go out to dinner together. However,
one woman often talks loudly on her cellphone at the dinner table, and it makes the rest of us
feel uncomfortable and insignificant. It has gotten so bad we have stopped inviting her.

I feel sorry for her and wonder if I should explain the reason she's being excluded. What is the
best way to handle this dilemma? -- FRIEND IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

DEAR FRIEND: If done discreetly and kindly, it might benefit the woman to know why she's
no longer included. Frankly, you'd be doing her a favor because her behavior was rude.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 She Doesn’t Let Him Go Out and Play
1 female, 3-5 males

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for a year and a half, and we have an infant
child. I work while my wife stays home. My problem is she doesn't like me playing sports and
hanging out with friends. I have tried to make concessions and cut down playing sports to once
a week. (I used to play two or three times a week, but that's not good enough for my wife.) On
game night, when I get home she gives me the silent treatment. She used to come to my
games but won't now, even though she has girlfriends who attend them. As for hanging out
with my friends, I barely see them anymore -- and when I do, they come here. If they stay any
longer than 30 minutes, it causes a problem and my wife again won't talk to me for the rest of
the night. I have tried to compromise, but she feels as though any time I spend away from her
and the baby is a no-no. Am I wrong to want to play sports and see my guy friends? I have
tried talking to her about this, but she thinks any compromise is basically me doing what I want
and her having to deal with it. -- ONTARIO, CANADA, READER

DEAR READER: You should not become a couch potato or become isolated from your friends
because you are married and a parent. And neither should your wife. She may resent the time
you spend with your friends because she's stuck at home taking care of the baby. You are her
only adult company, and in a way she may be jealous that you're enjoying freedom that she
can't. Your wife should not be doing all the parenting. One day or evening a week you should
take care of the baby while she takes a break with her friends or family. It could do wonders for
your relationship.

Teen Wants to Marry Man She’s Never Met

2 females, 1-2 males (mom, dad, daughter, boyfriend?)

DEAR ABBY: My seventeen-year-old daughter, "Erica," is planning to marry her twenty four-
year-old boyfriend. I use the term "boyfriend" loosely because their relationship consists entirely
of texting, talking on the phone and the Internet. There has been no dating or getting to know
each other in person. Erica is intent on marrying this man even though he has lied to her
several times in addition to having lied to us. She is planning to attend a four-year college. I'm
not sure how to handle this. She hid the relationship from us for more than six months. I realize
Erica needs to make her own mistakes, but I'm not sure how to make her understand my very
real concern about this. I have raised other children who went through various phases of
teenage rebellion, but we were able to reach a general compromise on all types of behavior.
However, she is unwilling to discuss the possibility of waiting. Any advice would be appreciated.
-- NEEDS HELP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: If Erica were my daughter, I'd suggest that because this relationship is
so serious it's time you both paid a visit to her intended. Assuming her father is in the picture,
he should be there, too. The subject of who will be paying for college should be discussed, and
whether Erica will be able to continue her education if she should become pregnant. It may give
her a glimpse of exactly what she's letting herself in for before the wedding. Of course the
three of you will want to meet as many of his family and friends as possible. Because Erica
won't listen to reason, perhaps seeing will bring her back down to earth. This will also give you
(all) a chance to find out what else her "boyfriend" may have been lying about, including his
age.
© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com
 Bride with a Past
2 females, 2 males (boyfriend, girlfriend, mom, dad)

DEAR ABBY: I am in my late twenties and recently became engaged to my boyfriend of more
than a year. He is in his early thirties. His parents live on the other side of the country, and we
see them only twice a year. We plan on visiting them for the holidays, and some friends of
theirs will be throwing us a bridal shower. I was married before. I was eighteen and it lasted
three years. I was devastated when it ended. Am I obligated to tell them about my previous
marriage? My fiance knows, of course. This is not something I like to discuss. I was raised in a
very religious household where divorce is looked down upon. My fiance's parents are not
particularly religious, however. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: While this may not be something you like to discuss, disclose it to
your fiance's parents before the wedding. This trip would be a good time to do it, so you can
answer any questions that might arise. Tell them that it's not something you usually talk about,
but you and their son didn't want them to think you are hiding anything. If the subject comes
up in the future, tell them that it is in the past and you do not wish to discuss it further.

Staring Dinner Companion

2 females, 2 males
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I go out to dinner once a month with a couple we have known
for years. "Joe" is an active conversationalist, while my husband is fairly quiet. The problem is
Joe addresses only me and stares at me throughout the meal. I think it's just a bad habit he
has acquired. To no avail I have tried various seating arrangements to avoid the constant stare.
It makes me very uncomfortable. I feel bad for my husband, who is totally ignored, but doesn't
seem to care as long as the food is good! How do I get Joe to include my husband in the
conversation and rest his gaze elsewhere? I would never say anything to "Mrs. Joe" about it
because I don't want to make her uncomfortable, too. I really want to continue the friendship
and the socializing, but I'd like to feel more relaxed at the dinner table. Any suggestions? --
DISTRESSED DINER

DEAR DISTRESSED: You are not helpless. The next time Joe directs his comments and
questions only to you, toss the verbal ball to your husband and say, "Honey, what do you think
about that?" It will give him an opening to enter the conversation. As for the staring, Joe may
not be aware of what he's doing. You could bring it to his attention by simply saying: "You keep
looking at me, Joe. Do I have food in my teeth? Is my lipstick smeared?" Then haul out a
compact and make a show of checking for yourself. It may help to curb his discomfiting habit.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Shy Girl Wants To Date
2-3 females, 1 male (teen girl, her friends, a boy)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a fourteen-year-old girl who just started high school. I started to notice boys
when I was in middle school, and I'd like to start dating soon. The problem is I've never had a
close friend who was a boy, and the idea isn't natural to me. My friends just tell me to ask
someone out, but how can I ask a boy out if I don't even grasp the concept of being friends
with one? I'm frustrated over this, especially because I really like one particular guy. The only
advice I have been given is, "Get over your fear and just talk to him." This isn't very helpful to
me. I want to know how to get over my fear! Abby, your thoughts would be appreciated. --
CAN'T FIND THE NERVE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T FIND THE NERVE: I'll gladly share some thoughts. The first is I hope you
realize how many girls and guys your age feel exactly the same way you do. Social skills don't
come naturally to everyone -- but they can be learned. And like any learned skill, they take
practice. The surest cure for shyness -- which is the "fear" you are experiencing -- is to forget
about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Smile and introduce yourself if the guy
doesn't know you. If you share a class with him or know an activity he's involved in, ask a
question about it. He's not good at sports? Not musical? Ask him about a class assignment. You
don't have to be brilliant or witty. Try leading off with a friendly remark or a compliment. ("Nice
shirt, cellphone," etc.) I know very few people who don't appreciate a compliment. Overcoming
shyness takes practice, so don't go after the boy you "really like" at first. Make a point of
smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly, it's welcoming.

Awkward Adoption Questions

1 female, 2 males, 2-3 any gender (mom, sons, nosy strangers)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two wonderful sons who joined our family through
adoption. While we don't broadcast that they are adopted, it sometimes comes up in
conversation. When it does, people inevitably ask, "What happened to their 'real' parents?" or,
"Why were they given up?" I know folks are curious, but these comments are hurtful. The
details of my sons' lives are private, to be shared as they grow in age-appropriate ways. They
know they are adopted, but are too young to know the details surrounding their lives prior to
joining our family. I do not want to have an in-depth conversation with every person who asks
a nosy question. These questions always seem to come up when the kids are around and I feel
unprepared to answer them. Do you have any suggestions for a witty and confident response
that can shut down these questions? I don't want my boys to be ashamed that they were
adopted, but I also don't want the details out there for public consumption. -- ADOPTED MOM
IN INDY

DEAR ADOPTED MOM: That someone would be so insensitive as to pose those questions in
front of the children is disconcerting. While I can't think of a "witty" response that would deter
the questioner, I can think of one that would be effective. Look the person in the eye, smile and
say, "Oh, that's a long story, but look at what beautiful sons I have. I feel truly blessed."

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com

 Dad’s Hoarding Embarrasses Teen
1 female, 1 male, 2-3 any gender (daughter, dad, visiting friends/family)

DEAR ABBY: I am fed up with my father's hoarding. Junk is piled everywhere, and our cat has
twice gotten hurt in the piles. If there is a spare corner, junk is thrown in it. When I try to say
anything, Dad gets defensive over his "stuff," and my mother defends his "pack rat" ways. She
says they are his things, not mine. I'm extremely embarrassed when friends, relatives or
neighbors visit. I have offered to help clean, but he refuses to get rid of anything. What do you
do when someone doesn't believe this is a problem? -- EMBARRASSED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: There is nothing you can say that will fix your father's problem
because it's a psychological disorder. Even if he was willing to do something about his hoarding,
it would take the assistance of a mental health professional and a support group to help him let
go of his "stuff" because it would be like letting go of a part of himself. If you're still living at
home with your parents, all you can do is keep your own space as neat and organized as
possible and not allow your father's problem to affect your self-esteem. Once you can afford to
live on your own -- move. After that, if your father's hoarding continues to the point it becomes
a danger to your parents' health or a fire hazard, quietly notify the fire department or health
department, which then may be able to intervene.

Neighbors Use Parents House

2 females, 2-4 any gender (sisters, pushy neighbors)
DEAR ABBY: My sister and I moved my elderly parents into an adult assisted-living center last
year because they were no longer able to safely care for themselves or their home. They have
now decided to put their house up for sale. Our problem is that sometimes when we have
driven by the house to check that everything's OK, we have found some of the neighbors
enjoying the afternoon sitting on my parents' front porch. The house has been shown three
times, and one of the times another neighbor was in the backyard sitting on the deck. Another
time, a neighbor walked into the house during a private showing. We have been as polite as
possible in requesting them to please not do this. We finally told them plainly to stay off the
property. But it continues. We would hate to post "No Trespassing" signs for fear that a
prospective buyer may think there are problems with the neighborhood, and I don't think a sign
would deter these perpetrators. Any ideas on how to get them to stay in their own homes? My
sister and I are starting to think the neighbors don't want the house to sell so they can enjoy it
themselves. -- FED UP IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FED UP: Because of the long relationship your parents may have had with these
neighbors, ask them once more, firmly and politely, to stop using the property as an extension
of theirs. If the request is ignored, it will be time to involve your lawyer, who will have to write
these nervy people a strong letter on your behalf. Not only is what they are doing illegal, but if
an accident should happen while they are on your property, your family would be liable.

© Drama Notebook www.dramanotebook.com