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Isabella Elizondo Commented [yw1]: When saving your work, please label
your document with your full name and course number.

English 1001 Commented [yw2]: English 1001

February 24, 2019

Healthy Living, Longer Life Commented [yw3]: Nice catchy title!

Nearly 70% of American adults are either overweight or obese, an epidemic proportion.

Being obese puts you at a higher risk for health problems such as heart disease, stroke, high

blood pressure, diabetes, etc. What causes obesity? Fast food restaurants, eating too much,

moving too little, an absence of government intervention, and a lack of education concerning

obesity. “Fast Food is the New Tobacco”. Fast food consumption has taken its place as the

number-one cause of health issues and concerns. The government and the fast-food industry need

to be more forthcoming, take some responsibility, and advise consumers that there are negative

dietary consequences and health implications to consuming such nutrients on a regular basis. Commented [yw4]: Your introduction is wonderfully
informative on this provocative topic, and your thesis
statement is well developed. Good work!
Commented [yw5]: Your visual supports your
introduction well but it is a little premature; it should be
placed further in the body portion of your essay. Also, it is
not captioned in text as “Fig.1.”

Why is obesity credible? Research published by the “World Health Organization” found

that a rise in fast food sales correlated to a rise in body mass index, and Americans are notorious

for their fast food consumption. Another study says the full effect of added sugars from soda and
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energy drinks are affecting American waistlines. It is not just how much we eat, but what we eat.

Since 4 grams of carbohydrates is equivalent to 1 teaspoons of sugar, we’re consuming excess

amounts of sugar daily in foods previously considered healthy. Processed foods are also no

longer considered as healthy, according to the scientific community. The food industry, of

course, knowing the negative health consequences, have worked hard to manipulate the

consumer to buy their product through innovative advertising and targeting audiences. Commented [yw6]: True. We have a real issue with the
foods we are consuming.

Being overweight or obese can cause a whole cascade of health problems, from heart

disease and diabetes to stroke and even some types of cancer. These diseases can really impact a

person's quality of life and lead to premature death. Because of our modern lifestyles, we are not

as active as we once were, but we shouldn’t want this lifestyle. We also shouldn’t put ourselves

and our children in danger because of the unhealthy foods that we buy and eat. Unfortunately,

there is not enough attention being given to food consumption across America, and for that

matter, globally. Much of the fault lies with food manufacturers whose ultimate goal is to make

their profits. Consumers are simply unknowing victims as we continue to patronize our fast-food

restaurants, our favorite isles at the grocery store, and the easy online access to order food

without having to leave your residence. Food manufacturers are also powerful Washington

lobbyists who can manipulate government interests and allow the unhealthy consumption of

nutrients that have been proven through scientific evidence, Commented [yw7]: True. Our food habits are not the
greatest, but something else is taking place here. What
would that be?
It’s important to have a healthy body. Staying healthy physically can help you stay

healthy emotionally. With the advent of computerization, the internet, and wireless technologies,

it has become more of a challenge to stay fit. This has increased sedentary lifestyles across

America and obviously reduced exercise opportunities. This has also led to more consumption of

unhealthy nutrients. If you're eating the right food and keeping fit, your body will be strong and
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help you to cope with stress and also fight illness’s. Staying current on the latest health related Commented [yw8]: Yes, true. Good point!
Commented [yw9]: *health-related
issues and concerns, nutrition, and annual medical examinations, are all ways to maintain your

health and finding additional avenues to pursue a healthier lifestyle. The old adage of “calories

in, calories out,” no longer applies. Exercise and fitness are important elements in a healthy

lifestyle, but fueling your body with sugar and carbohydrates, will defeat the overall purpose of

maintaining fitness and health. Over the last few years, newer technologies and research methods

have contributed to our understanding of how our bodies react when ingesting food. Scientist Commented [yw10]: What type of research methods are
helping us with this issue? Please explain.
have recently identified how our body consumes and uses nutrients on a cellular level. Much of

this research is groundbreaking in nature and conducted jointly with other scientists around the

world. This will shed new light on what we consume or shouldn’t consume in order to maintain

our health.

Unhealthy foods and drinks to stay away from, sweets and drinks that have caffeine and

sugar. Caffeine and sugar can cause mood swings, affect your energy levels, may feel tired and Commented [yw11]: Sentence fragment

grumpy, can make you put on weight if you have too much sugar, and can give you trouble

sleeping if you have them at night. The best drinks to stick with are water and natural juices

which don't have loads of sugar. Sugar is definitely something to avoid or limit whenever
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possible. There has also been a correlation between sugar consumption and cancer. Research

suggests that various types of cancer increase their cellular growth potential when large amounts

of sugar are introduced in diets. Sugars are also linked to inflammation issues and joint concerns.

A recent study showed that sugar is as addictive, if not more, than heroin. This makes is

extremely difficult to reduce our sugar consumption and the food industry definitely knows it. Commented [yw12]: Good point! Yes, sugar is very bad
for us, yet we consume way too much of it.

Healthy foods to have. Carbohydrates; potatoes, pasta, rice and bread. Protein from non- Commented [yw13]: Sentence fragments

dairy sources; meat, fish, beans. Dairy; milk and cheese. Fruit and vegetables; at least five

portions of per day. Make sure that you read and understand food labels. All food manufacturers Commented [yw14]: Some of these products can be
consumed at that number, while the portion number for
others may be 2-4 amounts.
are required to state the contents of their product. It’s up to the consumer (you and me) to

determine their nutritional value. Be careful when selecting a dietary regimen. There are

hundreds of diets advertised on social media, TV, and the internet. All profess to help you lose

weight and stay fit. It’s a multi-billion-dollar industry with connections to the food industry as

well. Many diets do provide short-term relief, but eventually studies have shown that the weight

is regained and usually more than at the beginning. Ways to keep fit; walking, Swimming, Commented [yw15]: Yes, the diet industry can persuade
a lot of people without giving real results.
jogging, ice skating, skipping, dancing, and yoga. The secrets to staying fit is persistence, Commented [yw16]: Sentence fragment

consistency and working toward smalls short-terms in order to achieve the long-term objective

during your exercise routines. Immediate gratification from an exercise program is really Commented [yw17]: This is true! Good point!

unrealistic. Everyone reaches a plateau periodically where there seems to be no improvement.

The health industry and fitness centers are well aware of this, especially as the new year

approaches. Membership is initially high in January but falls dramatically by March. With this

knowledge, they can increase membership above their capacity to provide service, and thus make

greater profits. Exercise plateaus are usually the cause as members go elsewhere to find an easier
solution to fitness.
Commented [yw18]: Well, actually, the reason why
memberships increase in January is because of the new
year’s resolutions most people pledge to lose weight. Plus, it
is a new year, and gym establishments tend to offer specials
around the new year.
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We’ve discussed many of the important issues and concerns surrounding the “Obesity”
Epidemic. There is no easy fix. Nutrition, exercise, science, the food industry, government,

social media, and the consumer, are all essential contributing factors to the problem, as well as,

in the finding solutions to a complex problem. Healthy living and having a longer life-span,

requires an honest dialog among all entities involved, and a collaborative effort to create a clear

and concise pathway or program to reduce obesity. This means putting profit, influence, and

power aside so that this epidemic can be eliminated. It means we, the consumer, need to

seriously look at our own health from a different perspective. It’s our responsibility to advocate

our personal health and fitness, and find answers and solutions to meet our individual needs. The

increase in instances of obesity has dramatically increased and it’s up to us to remedy the

situation. Take responsibility now to experience healthy living and longer life. Commented [yw19]: You restate your points well here in
your conclusion. Good work!
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Work Cited Commented [yw20]: Works Cited

Darcey, Melissa. “Fast Food and Obesity – The Cause and Effect Relationship.” Pathway

Genomics, 12 Apr. 2019, www.pathway.com/blog/fast-food-and-obesity-the-cause-and-effect-

relationship/.

Editors, Shape.com. “There Is a Serious Global Obesity Problem.” Shape Magazine, Shape

Magazine, 6 Apr. 2016, www.shape.com/weight-loss/management/there-serious-global-obesity-

problem.

“Obesity and Overweight.” World Health Organization, World Health Organization,

www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/obesity-and-overweight.

You bring out some majorly informative points about your topic on the issues with obesity in this
country. I especially like the points you made about how eating healthier foods and exercising helps to
combat the obesity epidemic. Overall, your essay explains your topic well. good work! However, you
have only five pages of completed work with the visuals included, and you must have at least six, so some
of your points could be fleshed out more. Also, you have too many visuals that take up too much room in
your essay and take from the written text. Also, you don’t really cite any of your sources, which are not
fully documented on your works cited page. Plus, I made comments about some of the mechanical issues
noted. Please see the comments I made throughout and let me know if you have any questions. Thanks!

Exploratory Essay Rubric

When grading your essay, I’ll be looking for the following as well as the standards of good writing set by the
English Department (on your syllabus):

Ideas: __15__/15

 Interesting, specific, and concrete subject that engages the reader

 Makes an evaluation based on specific criteria or standards, rather than just describing/summarizing
 Thesis statement makes your topic and your evaluation clear
 Readers clearly understand merits/shortcomings of the subject

Details: _10_/15

 “Shows” rather than “tells” –specific examples support your evaluation

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 Avoids summary
 Shows awareness of audience and potential counterarguments
 Readers feel that you are well-qualified to evaluate the subject
 All description/detail is relevant to the thesis
 Uses your own ideas and reasons to back up your evaluation and supports them with at least five
outside sources

Organization: __8_/10

 Thesis is clearly presented early enough in essay to guide criteria/structure

 Stays focused on specific criteria.
 Introduction gets reader’s attention and makes him/her want to keep reading
 Paragraphs are focused and unified, with clear transitions between criteria.
 Conclusion ties up loose ends and closes effectively

Style: __3__/5

 Interesting and correct word choice

 Good sentence variety
 Writing is clear and concise

Mechanics: _2___/5

 Correct punctuation, usage, format, grammar, and spelling

 Font is size 12 in Times New Roman with one-inch margins on all sides of the essay
 MLA format and separate works cited page present and correct
 Includes an image or documentary photo that fully supports the topic explored 38/50