Ms.Kardell
A mistake I believe I constantly made was the improper use of commas. While writing
the paper I used commas very little and I feel like I may have needed them all over the paper. An
area I wish to improve on is the vocabulary I use because I can see that I still write at a
highschool level, I saw this when I peer reviewed Ashley Cooper’s paper. I plan to improve my
vocabulary by reading more books and going over how other writers use more complex words to
describe what they’re saying and hopefully I learn from that. I’m not too sure of a resource I can
use to help me improve my vocabulary but I will have to do some research of where I can find
one.
I believe I addressed the paper properly because the purpose of the paper was to inform
an audience about a human right that is not always seen as a human right. I wrote about the right
to a reliable food source and why millions of people in developing countries all over the world
suffer from hunger. At first I wasn’t one hundred percent certain I knew the purpose of the
project but after the conference with Ms.Kardell I knew the purpose was to convince an audience
that food scarcity is a real issue. I believe I was able to explain without personal bias because I
made sure to not include any type of opinion in favor of food scarcity. Also I used mostly facts
that I found in my sources and just built off of those facts to create statements. The peer reviews
were super helpful because my partners Adrian and Ashley wrote all the little mistakes I made
review feedback to create my final draft. I do want to start using mind maps or diagrams so I can
better layout my paper and give it a better flow. I chose to structure my paper by giving facts
about hunger around the world to catch the reader’s attention. My body paragraphs included the
reasons as to why food scarcity is such a big problem like weather conditions and lack of proper
technology, also why it continues to be a problem. I also included facts about food scarcity
alongside some inventions that were created to try and combat food scarcity like alternate
sources of energy to help combat the issue of un-proper refrigeration. I was able to find
appropriate content from my sources pretty easily because there are so many sources based on
hunger around the world. In the future I will be looking for more sources so I can be more
specific on my topic and potentially focus on a single country or group of countries. This will