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Original Poem

by Hudson Rixham

Submission date: 24-Feb-2019 10:44AM (UT C-0500)


Submission ID: 1082705842
File name: original_poem_assignment.docx (21.51K)
Word count: 795
Character count: 3324
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Original Poem
ORIGINALITY REPORT

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Original Poem
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

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PAGE 1
/30

Article Error You may need to use an article bef ore this word.

Comment 1
Nice rhythm...I like the repetition of "I still" maybe that should be the f irst words of each line...?

Comment 2
comma af ter "Oh"

Comment 3
yes! good use of enjambment.

Comment 4
a simile or more concrete images would help here....

...brown eyes like.....

Comment 5
again, maybe another comparison image...simile or metaphor.

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.
Comment 6
ha...

Comment 7
beautif ul

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.

Comment 8
something tells me you all most likely gave her a really good lif e.

Comment 9
Oh, how sad. What a beautif ul tribute to a beloved pet. It makes me think of the pets that have
passed f rom my lif e. I can empathize. T hey really come in and take a special place in our lives,
as clearly Juneau did. I think this poem touches on that importance and the role they take in our
f amilies..and just how awf ul it is when the time comes to part.

From a six year old: He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Lif e - -
like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' T he Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs
already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

I thought this was so true.

Anyhow, a beautif ul sentiment captured here.

20/20

PAGE 2

Prep. You may be using the wrong preposition.

Comment 10
ouch...I know this pain. It's good that you can look back and learn f rom this. It's amazing what
dogs/pets mean in our lives. Sounds like she was well taken care of .

Comment 11
great.
great.

Comment 12
particularly well used.

Comment 13
it's hyperbole, and also a bit of a cliche...I think you could do better using some kind of image. \

Overall, I think you could add more concrete images. A description of Juneau would help too.
But there are some places where you could reinf orce this with some images, similes..etc.

Comment 14
T he thought occurred to me that you might want to structure each stanza with some repetition.
Like: "I can still" in the f irst stanza...then "I miss" in the second...f ollowed by another in the f inal
stanzas...like "she is" Start each line with these phrases. see if you can make it work. Give it
a try. Some good work here. I think you have some poet in you. Keep up with the writing.

Comment 15
10/10
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID
Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION
Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that


enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE
Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.