Effortlessly, Beautiful.

Posted by A R G on J A N U A R Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 9

Paradox.

a statement or proposition that apparently sound reasoning from

acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that
seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory.
But somehow, it may prove to be well founded or true.

THIS WRITING IS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN THE REAL TIME OF IT’S

TIMELINE, OF EACH STORY.

Started with a big dream:

Words and a high-ceiling. Usual days with all usual routines.

And in a few months, I was taking my first step to the airplane. Like I
was taking my first step getting up from my seat, walking on to you that
evening.

VENETIË VAN JAVA. 4,18.

April ends, sailing begins.

It’s dusty. Wind blew, and I walked out on the street. Rays collided,
lights were high. The Sun was shining low. My car was parked. I got in,
started the engine, but I was hesitating.

I had been living in a city of my persons, my whole life.

and now, I’m living in a city of hideaway, drowned in my deep dive.
My place is lovely. Spotlights, big lamps, dimly lit. A beautiful corner for
me to write and a window with a view. Everything is coloring themselves
beautifully. Skies are staining their faces and degrading lines in
between.

My early days? oh, don’t ask. I went around, quietly observing. It was up
on a hill, but silently busy. It was down on the road but so silent,
riotously. We met so many people in life. Chasing moments, rubbing
against chances. But somehow, we leave over ourselves to stay — the
survival. Yet we often set ourselves to stay leaving — the flight mode.

And I was asking myself like,

how did we all define every premise of our decisions?

The other days were only some justification that everything were and
would be okay. New stories, new quintessence. I threw myself to listen
others.

And everything that day made me wondering,

about how we could have done everything better in the past.

7,18.

Midnight, on July.

I was taking my first step on the sidewalk. Like i was taking my first step
getting up from my seat, walking on to you that evening.

A cup of coffee. I took a cig and took a sip. A friend told me that, as far
as she remembered, she barely had choices in her life. Who she was
that day, was a must. A sweet behavior was her everyday’s mask.

When being real was not the same with being honest.

But as far as I remember, my friends and I were starting our journey

from choices. I chose to gather them up in a bar around west. Beers
and cheers. On the other side, they accidentally chose to intersect
themselves to my circle. From combining social preferences and self-
honesty to the level of work ethic and earning recognition.

I used to sleep til midnight, and I drove around the city after that. I met
happy and sad people, so that I was allied alongside hopes and
disappointments. Lots of talks were made by hesitation, and lots of
thoughts were outspoken with frustration.

But as far as I remember, my friends and I were in the journey with our
twisted thoughts and open talks. We went from easy nights, and
whiskey shots, to a cheap fling with money on the table that’s laughing
at our cheap taste. Be friend with good but married with the bad.
Regretly grateful for our crime, yet wastedly wasting our time.

Until we said that we’re done. We slowly grew, so there came places
where hopes and disappointments were only standing there, saying Hi!
and letting us go.

It is now, then. A long drive home, back to my hometown.

It is now, then. Time to let me go.

J. 11,18.

Months were passing by.

I got through much.
Bad thoughts and self-blaming. Lost in a long drive.
I finally found my way back home.

I was taking my first step out of the car. Like I was taking my first step
getting up from my seat, walking on to you that evening.

A good friend came out to me one day, “I’m proud of us. After all we’ve
been through, I feel like we were crawling up in a stairway and every
step is a struggle. Because what’s the fun in instant effort?”
For me, I am wised up and I learned, to find someone who made me
feel being needed.

And for me, after all,

I learned that, to be given the opportunity to draw a smile in the face of

someone you really care about, is priceless. Even when you had to fly
500 miles to do that, only for 2 days in the new year eve.

I learned that, cancelling plans with your friends to take care of

someone you really care about, is priceless. Even when you knew that
she was not really that sick.

I learned that, making myself believe to start giving the number one of
my list again to someone I really care about, is priceless. Even when I
knew I had to risk everything for that.

Because love, ego, and calculation form a flawless circle, not a broken
triangle.

19 – TO YOU.

I learned that this, is just effortlessly beautiful.

like how I took my first step getting up from my seat, walking on to you
that evening, and telling you how amazing you are.

So now I want you to know that,

only you can take responsibility for your happiness, but you can’t
do it alone.

and it’s the greatest paradox of being human.