Brian Havig

Shackett

English 117

3/14/19

Sex, Gender, Society and Children

I grew up in a family of four, my mother, father, brother, and myself. All of us were

“normal”, as much as normal means to anyone. We were, and all are still, white, cis-gendered

and protestant. I believe the term is WASP, though I never really cared for that, not being one to

care much at all for labels. A real suburban white-picket fence kind of family. Many might

think of this as boring, safe, and privileged, but it is simply my family, nothing more, nothing

less. We rarely struggled financially and none of us ever questioned our sexuality or gender.

This is of course, neither good or bad, just simply what we were dealt. I have always identified

with the gender that matched my sex.

This simple fact allots me a single great advantage when it comes to gender: I never had

to struggle with identity. I struggle with other issues, bad days and failures, but I never thought

that what I was wasn’t actually what I was. I can’t imagine what it must feel like waking up

every day and feeling like you don’t belong in your own body. We all suffer from some form of

body dysphoria, myself included, weather it’s being unhappy with our looks or body weight, but

I thankfully never thought that I was born the wrong gender or sex. These individuals struggle

with a form of identity that I cannot fathom, and I empathize with them, or at least try to. I try

my best to understand what people go through but there will always be those that struggle with

something much harder than I ever will.

 Evolution has given me various advantages when it comes to biology. Our ancestors

were hunter-gatherers, and the males of these societies were usually the hunters, and developed

under these conditions for many years. I have an increased amount of testosterone that helps me,

and helped my ancestors, grow muscle and body to help in physical situations. Working behind

a bar requires me to often move heavy boxes for inventory, or lift full fifteen gallon kegs into

place, which is sometimes several feet off the ground onto a high rock. I work out moderately

often, enough to maintain myself, but these tasks can be difficult even still. Thanks to biology, I

have the muscle mass built to help me in these tasks, though I do need to work out more, it can

still be pretty difficult and I don’t want to hurt myself. I work with several females who find it

impossible to lift these kegs, even the one’s who work out regularly. That said, I myself can

barely do it, so it is no stain on the work ethic or capabilities of the women I work with, but a

five foot two person with little muscle is going to struggle compared to someone who is six foot

four and laden with muscles. It’s mostly technique, making sure you do not hurt yourself lifting

something absurdly heavy, and recruiting a coworker to help you move something heavy into

place.

Given my perceived advantages, I am often passed over or overlooked, and things I do

are scrutinized. In Chivalry Isn’t Dead, but It Should Be, Hailey Yook explains her frustration at

men who perform “chivalrous” tasks for women, and how that is degrading. She does however,

flippantly offer a counterpoint in her own words by saying “OK, whatever, maybe men just like

doing nice things for women, regardless of whether they think women are weak or not.” (340)

I’m not saying there are men out there who view women as weak, but there are certainly more

men who don’t. This is also to say that women who think this way are also uncommon. A
small, vocal minority, unfortunately, have a loud outburst of opinion and it stains our society in a

lot of ways.

People are held accountable for their actions and words now on a public stage like never

before. This goes beyond sex and gender, but they can be a part of it. If someone says

something that can be perceived as an attack or something offensive, a small group of people can

create a large backlash. People have lost their careers over stupid things they have said on social

media, or things they have said that were taken out of context and used against them. Again, this

is caused by a small vocal minority of people, but the effects can but devastating. Take the idea

of a man holding a door open for a woman. Yook might describe the situation as offensive,

saying that the man is holding the door open for the woman because he believes that the woman

is weak and cannot open the door herself, but Theodore R. Johnson III in Chivalry, Feminism,

and the Black Community has a different opinion. Johnson says that “opening the door for the

person behind you, man or woman, is courteous, not chivalrous.” (337) The flavor of this

situation comes down to one simple thing: intention. If the man holding the door open for the

woman is simply being courteous, is it wrong? Does the woman have grounds to be warry of the

man because of outstanding circumstances in her life? Perhaps, but I believe that the intention is

the most important aspect.

As a man I feel a societal pressure to reproduce. Sure, my biology screams at me to

breed, manifesting as sexual desire and longing for companionship, but I never really felt the

desire to have children. Children, or ‘tiny defecating noise machines’ as I like to call them, drain

my soul when I’m around them. My mother would love to be a grandmother, and my father a

grandfather. They always tell me how great life was with kids. “You’ll feel differently about

having a kid when its your own” they always tell me. I don’t believe them. I want to follow my
career, travel, spend money on myself, and when I do eventually settle down and find a partner,

spend our lives together. In Field Guide to the Tomboy, Sarah Showfety says “when white was

growing up, her mother tried to force “girlish things” on her, like pink bedroom walls and

flowery bedspreads”. (321) Though not a tomboy myself, I understand what it is like to have

society force something on you that you do not want to partake in. Thankfully, my brother loves

kids, and can give my parents the grandchildren they deserve.

Society is evolving far faster than our bodies are. The world of sex, gender, and social

acceptance is ever changing, and still mostly unknown to us as we create and explore. Our

bodies are a masterwork of biology, able to adapt and overcome to our needs throughout time,

but the change is slow. Our society is far more malleable, and changing at an accelerated rate.

People are expressing their sexuality in all kinds of different ways, men and women are enjoying

different things, and people are choosing not to have children. The world is starting to break

away from the traditional “norms”, but those traditions have been around for millennia, and

aren’t going away any time soon. This is neither good or bad, it just is.