● Zero Hunger

○ The goal is to end hunger by 2030

○ They want to achieve this by increasing agriculture production by 100% by 2030

○ 815 million people globally are malnourished.

■ Most of this is in Asia.

○ 45% of child deaths under 5 are caused by hunger

● Affordable and clean energy

○ 13% of the globe does not have access to energy.

■ 50% in sub saharan africa

○ Non clean energy is the main cause of climate change

○ Indoor air pollution has caused over 4 million deaths since 2012 alone

○ The main target is to provide access to green energy to the globe and to improve

upon these energy sources

● Climate action

○ The earth is getting warmer and it's hurting the environment and the economy.

○ Carbon emissions have been increased by 50% since 1990

○ The main targets of this goal is to increase knowledge about climate change and

to reduce carbon emissions.

● Peace justice and strong institutions

○ There is lots of corruption in developing countries

 ○ About 28.5 million private school aged children are in conflict areas.

○ Prisoners held in detention without sentencing is at 31% of all prisoners

○ To achieve this goal the UN wants to reduce violence and crimes and to provide

things like global birth registration

○ They want to provide public access to freedoms

○ They want to fight government corruption.

● Good Health and Well-Being

○ 5 million children die each year before the age of 5

○
 Paragraph

I believe the most important goal of the U.N. is to fix and take action against climate

changeST2(No Goal Number) ST1. This is because climate affects most other problems. For

example the increasing temperature is reducing crop production of grain.1 For every one degree

the earth rises there are 5% less grain crops. 40 megatons of grain have been lost per year since Commented [1]: The Strength of your proof is good for
other problems, but you didn't say how it actually
affects the climate, weather, etc P.2
1981. 1These could have been used to feed the 815 million people that go hungry. And that is just Commented [2]: Red Highlight is Proof P.1
Commented [3]: You did a good job by showing how
grain.2 Another piece of evidence is that it hurts economy’s.2 That grain that did not grow could climate change is affecting some other UN problems
(Hunger) and how climate change is making it worse
P.3
have been sold. However climate change is being slowed. The use of green energy that does not Commented [4]: SPEPES O.1

hurt the environment is increasing. The paris agreement was signed by 175 countries. If Commented [5]: Saying how reducing climate change
can help solve the world hunger problem is a great
explanation, by showing the facts of just grain alone.
improvements continue climate change could be stopped and even reversed. However this will E.2
Commented [6]: Explanation is not 2-3 times larger
than proof E.3
take a long time and will require lots of hard work and continued technological improvement.
Commented [7]: Green is explanation E.1

SY.1 Commented [8]: You did explain why its important

how it will be difficult to achieve it SY.3
Commented [9]: Need to restate your statement of
being the most important goal. Different words for
restatement.
Good conclusion. SY.2
One aspect of SPES that you did well was getting the proof and explaining how it can affect

other problems in the UN Goals. It shows that Climate Change needs to be fixed first.

One aspect to to improve upon is to form it more as a SPES writing. Instead of SPEPES.

Evaluated by James Gonenc

 The U.N. has made a list of goals to improve the world and to promote prosperity. They

are also meant to keep the world safe. “Sustainable development goals are a blueprint to achieve Commented [10]: What exactly is the claim you are
making in relation to the prompt? Start immediately
with your statement
a better and sustainable future for all”(un.org). The most important of these goals is goal 13,

climate action because of the fact that it affects all other goals. Climate change is an effect of the Commented [11]: Start here with your statement -
also, how does it affect other goals? Including that will
help make your statement stronger/more specific (A.3)
industrial revolution and modern society. “Climate change is now affecting every country on Commented [12]: B.2 Introduce proof

every continent”(un.org). One reason Climate change is the most important issue is the fact Commented [13]: B.4 Cite using goal #/name (as if it's
the article title)
Commented [14]: awkwardly worded
that it affects all of the other goals for example goal number 2, Zero hunger. For example for
Formatted: Pattern: Clear (Custom
Color(RGB(255,229,153)))
every one degree the earth rises 5% of grain crops are lost. This means that humans have lost 40

megatons of grain per year since 1981. This large amount of lost food could have been used to

feed 815 million people that go hungry. And could have saved the 45% of child deaths under 5

due to starvation. This evidence is just for grain. This issue affects all crops and if we do not Commented [15]: You do well by connecting to
statement in the sense that you mention that it is most
important because of how it impacts other goals, but I'd
change it could eventually lead to extinction. Another piece of evidence that goal 13 is the most like to see you utilize more of the details from your
proof to really explain how (C.1)
Commented [16]: E.5
important is that it is changing weather patterns. “Weather patterns are changing, sea levels
Commented [17]: B.2 - E.2 Introduce proof

are rising, weather events are becoming more extreme and greenhouse gas emissions are now

at their highest levels in history”(un.org). Examples of these new weather patterns and effects

are very easy to see. For example the chill that brought midwestern temperatures well below

freezing. Another way this is shown is through the hurricanes that have battered the east cost Commented [18]: awkward sentence

more than ever. If climate change does not stop than weather conditions will continue to

become more extreme. In conclusion the goal that is the most important covers the most Commented [19]: Make sure for this explanation you
connect back to your statement like you did in the
previous one - make that connection clear (C.1)
important and pressing issue is goal 13 climate action due to it affecting all other U.N. goals. Commented [20]: VERY redundant
This can be shown through the loss of valuable grain that could have helped starving people and
the varying extreme weather. Climate change is being slowed.
Commented [21]: Weak sentence to end your entire
SPES on - make sure to emphasize the importance of
your argument by identifying next steps or take aways
(D.3)
Commented [22]: Other Standards - E.1 - Improving
other standards like C.1, C.2 will help to connect all
parts together and improve the strength of the overall
relationships between the parts of SPES