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Iteplum jf or H>J)ut-3ng


ISSUE #3 ^ $2.50


"Hilarious!" gasps New Cify.
"Dazzling, sophisticated, versatile and ingenious," gushes Amazing Heroes.
"Clever, playful, wild and witty," sniffs The Chicago Tribune.
"Imagine a Mickey Mouse Club run by Russ Meyer, and you have the universe
of Mitch O'Connell," rambles the New Art Examiner.
Mitch is the award-winning, nationally exhibited fine artist whose work has
ppeared in National Lampoon, Spy and Playboy, among many publications.
Now, for the first time ever, you can own Good Taste Gone Bad: the
" A r t " of Mitch O'Connell, eighty-eight square-bound pages of Mitch's
sexy pop art illustrations and humorous comic stories inside a full-color
wraparound cover.
If you are a sophisticated art lover, a collector of fine art books or
susceptible to exaggerated advertising claims, this is the MUST-BUY BOOK
Beg your local comic shop to stock Good Taste Gone Bad. Or order
directly from Good Taste Products for only $15 postpaid, at P.O. Box 267869,
Chicago, IL 60626. Dealers rates available.
ISSUE N U M B E R 07103 JULY 1994

gteptum jfor g>|mt-3fti£

"So, how's that stupid magazine of yours going ?"
-A "Friend"

PUBLISHER: Some Guy WE Don't Know EDITOR: Msgr. Kole
FINANCIER: The Bank That Has Us By The Short Hairs INSURED BY: Acme Healing crystals

The Writer of Thee Uncredited Articles and Reviews Msgr. Mike Kole
Far Too Busy Keeping Thee Young Men Rev. lohnX. Piche"
Licker Of Many Stamps and Envelopes Ed Godard
New Initiate and Hero Steve Bostwick
Likewise John Tumipsmidgeon
Likewise (heroine) Diane Skelton
Likewise, already! Dame Darcy and Mitch O'Connell
Old Initiate, New Hero : Dr. Ahmed Fishmonger
Professor of Crackpotology, Emeritus Rev. Ivan Stang
these dashing individuals are depicted at the right
*• S T A K E ' S ©f4. pAOk' 5 5 "
The staff is simultaneously growing and shrinking simultaneously! This just doesn't allow the Editor to
attend to those pesky business details. This makes him sad and his family hungry. Make his day by sending us your
contibutions and anything else you may care to. Anything! Send articles, reviews, materials for review, ads, checks,
money orders, cash, pre-1965 silver coins, etc. Yes, pre-1965 silver coins are especially nice. Send plenty. We cannot
guarantee publication. Well, we could but we won't. If you'd like for us to return your submission, include an S ASE,
otherwise go pound sand. The important thing is that you submit. Submit! SUBMIT!! Here's a bribe! If we print your
junk, well paste your photo on page 3. Page 3!!! Sure, It ain't cash, but then, we are the Koles and not the Hearsts.


We're thrilled as punch to note that our readers can not only read, but also write!
NEWSLETTERS and hush-hush stuff. Page 8
You know... the good stuff! Plus: An Open Letter To Conspiracy Researchers
An excerptfromthe Church of the SubGenius' new book Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocrophon
CATALOGS and clues for future historians Page 19
Discover the other side of the worldyou didn't know to exist!
Virtually the same thing as a study in Parallel Studies! Illustrated by Dame Darcy.
We have some rescuees! Mr. Perot will be so glad!
Special Thanks to those who reviewed Asylum AND bothered to send a copy.
Asylum forshit-Ins- July 1994, Vol. 2, Number 3 is published quarterly-despite utter poverty- by Run Of The Mil! Publications, P.O.
Bo j 46581, Bedford OH, 44146. BecauseBulkMail, whilecheap.isslowertoarrivethanarefundcheckfrom the IRS, First Class Postage
paid at Bedford, Ohio. Subscriptions, 4 issues for $9 in the U.S. Elsewhere... uh, see page4. Ditto advertising rates. Be sure to see the
bit about payments made in silver coin. We're not kidding about that, you know. Copyrights 1994bytheindividualauthors. Dontbother
us with your stupid inquiries. All accounts are rendered with satirical intent, or so we say. We're trained professionals.
Do not try this at home. And don't say we didn't warn you. Printed in the basement, right next to the still. Praise "Bob" or kill me!!!
Howdy, pardner! SVDVEl&ISEl CLASSIJIT,1) SVDS

We are more thrilled than we let on to We fully expect to reach a different Classifieds are even cheaper than
be able to announce another increase in the audience than even the newsletters and zi'nes display ads, but they lack graphics. They can
destruction of natural resources. With each be a lot of fun, too. There are certain magazines
we cover can claim! Asylum For Shut-Ins is
issue, we've added 8 pages of small print. I buy just for the classifieds (SCREW and
not dominated by any one medium or genre,
More pages today, heavier, slick stock covers MAXIMUM ROCK N ROLL come to mind)
Should this dissuade the indie-rock label from
tomorrow! Oh, to have visioii. because of the stuff folks offer or seek.
hawking stuff here? Dont be silly, Buster!
Whether or not they like Asylum for
Sure, if the indie label advertises in a
Shut-Ins, we invite our readers to contribute! The classified rules are simple:
rock zine, they'll hit the target. The target,
All we require is that you include important
however, may have been PUMMELED INTO
details like TITLE, ISSUE No.(in the case of 1. $1 per 10 words!!! (ora pre-1965 dime!)
OBLIVION by now. Those folks are positiviely
publications), MAILING ADDRESS, PHONE 2. Any words beyond 10, round up.
numb to such ads. If you ate peanut butter
No., FAX No., PRICE, etc. We ABSOLUTELY (22 words pays the same as 30)
sandwiches at each meal, every day, how
ENCOURAGE A SUBJECTIVE POINT OF 3. No word-minimum or -maximum.
long would it be before you lost interest in
VIEW! Don't be a wuss. There are plenty of Buy the whole page. See if we complain!
peanut butter sandwiches? Quite specifically,
wuss zines out there. We DO NOT aspire to
we askouryoung entrepreneursthis: Why not 4. $2 minimum.
join their ranks. Call 'em likes you sees 'em!
attempt to strip-mine a whole new audience? 5. Address printed FREE!
The readers of Asylum For Shut-
swsawREi ins are bound to be the sort of bored
individuals who seek out new and different Cash is preferred, but conceal it well.
Get down! Issue 3 has 16 more things. It may well be that they didn't know Of course, we'll accept your check or money
pages that Issue 1, yet costs the same? Are indie rock was out there at all! order (please shoot us if we're ever found
ye fucked? No, we just like to pass ourselves turning money away), but I'd bet it would cost
Of course, this lesson is not limited to
off as the kind of folks that give the public the you almost half the cost of the ad to send it. It's
the rock scene. Anybody who sells different,
deal of a lifetime. Yet again we will offer the hardto fathom spendingahalf-hourpurchasing
weird, unusual, cutting edge, shunned,
opportunity to get in on the ground floor and a two-dollar M.O., or paying the 50-cent-per-
scorned, sick, demented, efc. items, materials
subscribe at bargain rates! By the time you check service charge for this. You must have
or publications and is tired of placing ads in the
think we're crying wolf, we will have raised the two bucks in your billfold. Reach in and send
wrong places are encouraged to consider
rates and you'll kick yourself. Subscribe by it to us now.
advertising here. Read our reviews and see if
AUGUST 15,1994 at the following rates: you don't think an audience awaits you.
If nothing else, the rates are cheap!
U.S.- $9.00 Observe:
Canada- $10.00
Europe, S. America- $15.00
Africa, Australia, Asia- $20.00 The deadlines we set apply equally
•DISELXCfXD KPLIES to both advertisers and contributors. These
All subscriptions are post paid and coverfour issues. deadlines are to be honored and revered, but
Please indicate with which issue to start your FULL PAGE (7 1/2" x 10") $100 to a point. I mean, if a half-page ad comes in
subscription! We have a fair-sized pile of our HALF PAGE (7 1/2" x 5") $50 one day late, we'll slide it in if space permits.
inaugural issue sitting around somewhere. Start We're realistic. If it happens that you're late
or (3 3/4" x 10") $50
yoursub there if you care to. If n you don'ttell us with and space does not permit us to "slip it in", your
which issue to launch you sub, We'll start you at #1. ONE-THIRD PAGE (5"x5") $40
ad or contribution will appear in the following
All subscriptions are payable in US funds ONLY! or (2 1/2" x 10") $40
issue. Don't say w e didn't warn y o u .
(exceptions being Australia, England, and Japan - QUARTER PAGE (3 3/4" x 5") $30
for the time being) Checks, money orders or cash ONE-SIXTH (2 1/2" x 5") $25
are all acceptable (until we have the clout to DEMAND
silver), but if you do send cash, please conceal it All ads should be camera ready. We
well!!! We cannot accept any responsibility forcash shoot 'em how we get 'em unless you ask us to lay
stolen or lost in the mail! We don't trust the federal 'em out. If you'd like us to lay your ad out, we'll do
Reserve system any more than the anti-trilateralists. it for an additional 15% of the ad cost. (For a full
Therefore, a n y p a y m e n t s m a d e in pre-1965
-issue #4
page ad, the price would be $115,$57.50/half, efc.)
coinage, deduct 90%. That"s right, smartie, 90%! Your check or money order must
Send us four Quarters dated 1964 or earlier, and a
subscription is yours.
accompany your ad to ensure inclusion. Monday, July 4, 1994
Discounts are offered for multiple issue ads or
payments made in pre-1920goldcoin. Please write
Single issues are available too, of course: formore information regarding multiple issue deals. -Issue #5
Advertisers paying in gold coin may deduct
U.S., Canada- $2.50 99% from their cost! 9 9 G o d d a m n e d % ! ! !
Monday, September 26,1994
Europe, S. America- $3.75
Africa, Australia, Asia- $5.00
We know you have it locked up in the vault. Go get
it! We're not interested in bullion orin nuggets. See
Page 63 if this offer seems too remarkable to be A V A I L A B L E
Be sure to indicate which issue you want! true!! We mean it, pal.
July 25,. 1994

w r i t e u>: Asylum For Shut-ins P.O. Box 46581 Bedford OH 44146

Cotresponbetue 3fa
Mike- girlsfor sale" or "Charlie's All-Nite StiffHouse"? Keep in mindthat
I like to cover things that anyone can access. It's a rigid criteria, but
Hrrurim... checked a couple addresses in your zine to write to I'm sure you'll be able to pull through cut you're a "real world"
just to get on mailing lists and waste other peoples' $... but I couldn't trouper. -Msgr.
help but get the same feeling for your zine as I did from High
Weirdness... the stuff just didn't seem that weird. I guess it's weird To date, he has not responded.
stuff as far as being compared to the mainstream... but it just all seems
mainstream as compared to the stuff I want to be finding out about. I —<&^>—
don't know... reread ANSWER ME and give 'em a chance. These guys Dear A.F.S.I.-
actually have a clue as to what's going on in the world and don't just
blow it off as ajoke like the Church of the SubGenius and the like. Hell, JustthoughtFddropyoualine to letyouknow whatl got from
I used to be into all that goofy stuffback when I was still in high school... CHRISTIAN RESEARCH (Asylum #2, pg. 10).
but once you get into the real world where your neighbor who works Jeez. It sounds like these folks want another Crusade. Get the
for the government gets taken away to a special hospital and never sheets out of the closet already. I wrote them and told them that I was
comes back, friends get mixed up with the wrong people and disappear talking to a minister who told me that Jesus was a homosexual. To
and you can buy a 12-year-old girl on the street for $40, you just can't quote Mr. Dan Gentry, Office Manager, Christian Research, "if you are
take listening to any more of that "let's make a big joke out of honest in your description of his belief, he is as guilty as one who
everything" approach that's all so common in the underground. willfully commits such an abomination. The only "right" a sodomite
has in a Christian theocracy is the right to die." Gee, and I wondered
Hail her, why so many wars involved Christianity.
I told him I wanted to share the "Good News" (?) with the
Graham Trievel school'sradio audience andhe sentme the following tapes: "Caucasion
Roots", "The Devil Made Me Do It", "Facts For Action", and "Death
Penalty For Homosexuals".
Graham- In response to his letter, I took the passive, non-violent
Why do we "make a big joke out of all of it"? Well, we could Christian stance, asking him if he believed that good Christians should
sitaroundandgetdepressedandbroodabout "it"all, orwecouldload go out and kill homosexuals. I'm anxious to hear his response.
up the guns and the station wagon like the Goads of ANSWER ME seem They have a book for sale which was written by the wife of
Rudolph Hess. They describe it as "heart-warming and humorous".
ready to do, but who needs that sort of grief? We're involved in a
Maybe if I beg real hard...
pursuit of happiness, not agony. Frankly, I would have to guess that
you were better off "back when you were in high school" when you Bye-Bye,
were still able to laugh.
You probably think that we 're all a bunch of suburban twdts, Kurt Strouse
living with mommy and daddy- as evidenced by your "real world" Mr. Strouse is aDJata Pennsylvania radio station.
snobbery. Who cares even if we were?
On the more practical side, lam very interested inyourversion
of weirdness. We all sat around to figger outjust what might be more
weird than what we cover. We came up with the following: Dear Mike,

1. Producers of snuff films Thanks for the copy of Asylum For Shut-Ins. I probably never
2. The child-slave market would have started publishing if it weren't for Rev. Stang's wunnerful
3. That African tribe whose women circumcise their clitorises book, High Weirdness By Mail. It's good to see that someone is still
4. Bestiality carrying the torch.
5. Necrophilia
6. Pediphilia (NAMBLA, perhaps) jp W Yrs:
7. Ruining people's marriages, lives, etc. > jj Dan Kelly

In all honesty, letters like this make us squirt far more than
ones that say "love yer mag... it's kool" or whatever. Appreciation
warms the heart. A little more cash would warm the runny
I don't know what else. YOU TELL ME! People who do most of those nose and clear the bleary eyes, however. As for carrying
things, though, don't write literature about their actions because the torch... It seems someone would like to try to shove it i _, i
they'd end up in prison or dead themselves. How do you pull them out up our ass, as can be seen in the post card on thefollowing J
of the woodwork? You gonna find a brouchure for "cute, young white page. -Ed. j
Dear Editor:
P.O. Bra 2125 "
BeUingham. WA. W227 I S A Atone time I was aneditorand publisher
(206) 647-1187 (Tel/Fax.)
of a magazine covering such arcane
PUS-SDCtf, subjects as UFO cover-ups, various
SO YA WKk> To PAiM PIS5 - K A I W P I P conspiracies, strangely paranoid
scenarios where life appeared to be
OWAT .UAyXfcaS. I WAS f A 6 0 0 T T D 5 ^ D
stranger than fiction and publishing the
most profoundly weird tales and stories
fce V5S0£ OF " A 5 y t U M " & / T I T U i N t i U . 33
in an attempt to create a debacle of the
s ^ p i r A n t e s ^ i ^ >toofe b = v j \ 6 w i w
0 mind (while simultaneously attempting
D to discover the Truth of What Is really
fbctcy SoMMfeD OP IN TWO BfcfcF •o ED (*N06~GoB6L€R) GopAgP Happening!). In any event, I sense you
P^Afe&APU$. M O T U A ^ S , h U v & y b o G o T 3 get my drift, as they say.
S o c a A 6 « £ A r RA6 TH/VR VBO CAM P l T t H 5 r f i r S % A-SYtQH Fog SMQT-IH5 I removed myself from the publishing
AR 6ST£6U*.U£D ^ M E S THAT WENT A8our- cr P.O. 6oX 46561 field, the conspiracy stuff, and the
< incessant accumulation of information
\Je-KswCS THAT YOU DonV €0£M Co^PRfetAtHP ?
r BO>F6gp,OH 44146 that I had demanded of myself to ingest.
£ u £ M "TUoufcH BEDFORD C S ( ' B A e a Y ) 6 W T H 6 DJ
C The enclosed article, or Open Letter to
£AST StD€ US GOT MoR£ T R I - C Cott£66., 1 Conspiracy Researchers, stretches the
2- YtWS 6tKA»Al-rSTUDK-S-WUcre TRASH T M N 5" conspiracy field a tad to include some
B e c o m e * A n O A.U O F vw,25TH STEtfcT Co v\ St N g | > ,
c THE BROOD "VENDETTA!" very arcane and secretive areas that
YCO C i A A y TM£ C H a / P o N FOR E M A U . "§ AVAILABLE N O W O N ESTRUS RECORDS researchers have been uncourageous to
ES007 $8 P P D / ES0007 S I 2 PPD
G£TA-io6i_^^0<2^/^- i tackle. There are many specific areas of
the conspiracy realm that have not been exposed, uncovered,
-THISfrom someone who sees fit to judge our zine on the basis of two paragraphs unveiled, revealed that are closer to you than you can imagine. You
out of56pages without having even seen the remaining 56pages! (Apparently, our won't even need to get a FOIA document for any of these hidden
review of They Won't Stay Dead #24 was reprinted in TWSD #26.) As for our secrets.
tolerance policy, he's right. We have absolutely NO TOLERANCE FOR SHITTY Hopefully, you will read the enclosed with the same open-
eyes that you read much of the material coming across your desk
procliming to be truth about such and such conspiracy or cover-up.
Thank you for your time... and I invite a response from
Mike Kole:
either you personally or from your readers (if you dare to publish
Greetings and much adoration for your efforts witht the thoroughly such a controversial working paper/document).
adorable, if not quite useful AFSI. First order of business: an update on a High
Weirdness listing I have privileged access to. The "WIFFLEPIG" listing was of my Cordially,
band several years back. Somehow, the cassette "Meat Market Icons" wasn't
mentioned (the accompanying booklet was however). Anyway, the cassette and
Bob Banner
booklet are no longer available (unless bribed with ridiculous sums of money or
former publisher and editor of Critique: Exposing Consensus Reality
exotic sexual favours').
Shortly after the publication of High Weirdness, I began to associate with
certain local anarchists who were under investigation for some animal-rights-direct- Find this Open Letter on Page 8. Asylum For Shut-Ins is Imppy to
action. A "Phoney Company" worker installed a strange black box with a red light provide a forum for this item. Send your responses our address.
on the telephone pole in our backyard. Strange activities began to take place at the
house across the street at all hours of the night in this very conservative suburb of
Toronto. We, on more than one occasion, noticed a camera on a tripod peeking out Mike-
of the adjacent, aforementioned abode towards our house. I'm not making this up.
It was at this time that I came in contact with some of my most cherished and I got Asylum, and I have to say I was impressed. I was
reveredd pen-pals and acquaintances- such luminaries as Thorn Metzger (AKA
braced for a "Bob"bie-ite piece of alLslack posturing, and I got True
Zigguraf s Tommy X3) and Mr. Bones ("She"), Rev. Orton Nenslo ofMaster Control
Programming, among others of such audacious illk. These contacts proved to be my Grit. I laughed my ass off reading your prediction mat the Prophet
only Asylum from the psychological Shut-In state I was in. people up in Montana will be the next Waco, and I was glad to see
I got involved with a modelishly beautiful, yet morally bankrupt goddess, zine reviews by someone who's unimpressed by most of what's out
and began to thinkmy fascination with things Discordian was a covertbeacon to any there, especially the music zines. Could still be a little better, but not
woman of Erisian sinister/benevolent personality type. bad for a first issue. If you got one of the places in Bloomington to
To make a long story short, I moved downtown, got a job at the local pick them up, I'll keep my eyes out for the next issue, and I'll
Kinko's and continued to produce printed and audible material. I've learned to recommend it to some friends who have been following the I Jnarians.
channel all this negative energy into creative projects. I've taken a haitus from
tattooing until I can devote more time perfecting the craft to my own fascistic
— Mike.
standards. Occasionally, when offered (again) large sums of money,
I have been known to get out the needles and ink.
p.s. - Now that McElwaine's off The Net, do you think that he's
Yours, cranking outnewsletters somewhere in Wisconsin?
1. Keep in close contact with your brothers- your town", they won't be able to knock on 2. Try to personalize your correspondence,
at-arms, Asylum For Shut-Ins. Send detailed your door, ready to spend several hours especially if you suspect you are writing to a
accounts, photocopies, the works. You will discussing Jehovah-1 or theBranchDavidians. solo operation. Sure, the Bob Tiltons of the
be suitably rewarded. world will just throw your prayer request into
3. Use an alias. By using my real name, my the dumpster out back, but so what? It's the
2. Please mention Asylum For Shut-Ins when namesake uncle has gotten lots of calls from free stuff your after, right? Never send a letter
writing to those who advertise here. You may irate freaks. An ounce of prevention is worth written on a PC, or worse, a form letter. It's
not necessarily wish to drop our name when a pound of cure, I've been told. cold and impersonal, and besides, it's hard to
corresponding with some folks, however. That convince people thatyou're poor and deserving
is detailed below. C o r o l l a r y 1. of free salvation if you send them a laser-
printed form letter. We like to use torn out
3. Prices listed with names and addresses are Perhaps you live all by yourself and notebookpaperandablotchy.oldpen. If you
generally cover prices. Some folks charge have nobodytobother with this crap. Perhaps spill a little beer, or smeartomatosauce on the
shipping and handling on top of that. Unless you don't care much what anybody thinks of paper, that's even better.
we are asked to include such pricing in our what you do. Great! Leap in head first! If
listing, we don't. It isn't a bad idea to write for you are free from the above constraints, you 3. Always PANDER LIKE HELL to your
more information before sending cash. The are saved that much extra effort, energy, and correspondent. You don't think you'll prize
response time to price inquiries is a good way cash. Perhaps you would really like it if these some freebees out of them if you attack them
to guage the reliability of the source. If they kooks showed up at your door unexpectedly. orsupport their opposition, do you? Tell them
won't answer your letter of inquiry, don't even Well, dear friend, happy hunting. Just be sure you have a lot of money and would like to be
think of sending cash! to write us with your exploits. able to spend it somewhere. That'll get their
attention. Be pleasant and agreeable and the
4. Any suggestions we make should not be free crap will flow like manna from above.
construed as legal advice. We have no idea WHEN WRITING
what the laws are in your state or country. It 3. A. Occasionally, one can gain better results
is our belief that the things we discuss are 1. ALWAYS TRY TO PET STUFF FOR with an outright attack. If counter-
generally legal activities, but who knows for FREE Many of our correspondents were so correspondence comes, it will be outlandishly
sure? Therefore we say, THE INFORMA­ eager to send us mountains of their junk, we venomous, and if that's what you're into, it
TION F O U N D HEREIN IS OFFERED nearly had to write them asking them to stop. will be that much more entertaining.
AS OPINION A N D ENTERTAINMENT Of course, these form-letter manifestos may
ONLY! Now then... be your way, truth and light Leave no stone 3. B. As learned through the exploits of Issue
unturned on your quest. And always see if 1, it has been discovered that spouting a page
you can get it for free. A self-addressed, ofoeliriousshitcanelicita30-pagemaelstrom.
OUR stamped envelope, while not "free", per se, Be selective when utilizing this approach.
assures a return of some sort 95% of the time. Most folks will j ust toss your page of delirious
RECOMMENDATIONS shit into Tilton's dumpster out back.
1. A. The feeling around here is that if
1. If you have the slightest doubt whatsoever somebody asks for compensation in return for 4. B e g if y o u must. Pride is not a factor
about obtaining items or making contact with their "junk", we'll gladly ante up, if we feel when corresponding by mail. Don't be
these or any lis tees, forget it. Some headache the asking price is fair. If somebody sends ashamed if you have to grovel or pander. The
is inevitable. Friends, parents, or kids will something on trust, we try not to violate it. media does it all the time and they all make a
look at you funny if you leave this junk laying We'd sooner send the junk back or give it to nice living. The point is, save your money
around, your mail carriers will hate you for someone else than leave 'em hanging. We where you can. Ever since the telephone
the increased strain on their backs, and odds doubt very many others will take this approach. became popularized, Americans have lost the
are you will never find that one true path. I Just a suggestion. abilitytowrite a letter. Corporationsroutinely
know the answer but I won't tell you. We like to support the people whose give free products and coupons to the three
efforts we believe in. Most of our advertisers dozen Americans who write letters to them.
2. If stubborn, and ready to write, get a Post were secured not by their inquiries of us, but The internets may right this. Anyhow, bait is
Office Box. Small boxes go for about $25 per ours of them because we dig their stuff. On on the hook awaiting your letter. At the very
6 months. $25 isn't very much to pay when the other hand, some of our staffers think it's least, you can usually get some kind ofcatalog.
you consider the headaches a P.O. Box really wonderful to do the opposite to those
prevents. The eyes of uptight spouses and they don't support. The phrase "bankrupt the
parents are shielded from your goodies. The motherfuckers" flies around here more than
mail carrier won't hate you. If the kooks you
write you "just happen to be passing through
the common sparrow. 7
^primary ourte
An Open Letter to Conspiracy Researchers and television to keep us in a state of fear, paranoia or a state where
we are perpetually comparing ourselves with the "other" so that we
Samsara, Sleepfulness, Transformation & Going Deeper
never have the opportunity to really relax into our own being, our own
natures, our own true self. There's an absolute conspiracy to keep us
by Bob Banner
chatting and chattering internally and externally, continually buzzing
thoughts rapidly thwarting any graceful attempt at stillness.
He was like a man who was standing on the top of the world
Andthere's aconspiracy to keep us in denial of impermanence
looking over into a new world. That is what Daddy was like. He lifted
and death. We seek and seek security and permanence, selling out to
himself so he was looking over the horizon to a new world, a free and
various forms of psychospiritual suicide to guarantee some semblance
happy world. He stood there on the edge of the universe looking into
of security- but it doesn't happen. Something ususally comes along
the future, and when he turned around to say, "Come on, let's go," they
and takes it away so we feel how attached we were to all those things
pulled the ladder out from under him and killed him.
that we thought were going to keep us secure and permanently
-Peter Reich writing about hisfather, Wilhelm Reich, in A BookofDreams
safeguarded from the throes of a chaotic universe...
We hide our old people, not wanting to see the inevitable, not
Yes, there are conspiracies out there. No doubt about it.
wanting to feel our own inevitable death, not wanting to feel the
Political manipulations, covert activities within the corporate world,
possibility of dying at any moment... 'The longer a man lives, the more
espionage-like activities amidst law firms, conglomerates, real-estate
stupid he becomes, because his anxiety to avoid unavoidable death
dealings... suppressing certain stories in the media, slanting/biasing
becomes more and more acute. What bitterness! He lives for what is
information for better profit and a more submissive populace... Political
always out of his reach! His thirst for survival in the future makes him
assassinations, U FO cover-ups, the allopathic medical establishment's
incapable of living in the present." -Chuang Tzu
tyranny, mind control, advertising schemes to win the sheepf ul populace
We've lost our deep gratitude towards life. We've lost the
to buy and buy. It's all a mess... we know it... yet I don't see any
feeling to even feel that sentence. We blame, complain, whine in
conspiracy researcher diggin deeper. Most are obsessed with
constant expectation that someone else should make us happy,
information, accumulating vast amounts of information, obscure as
whether it's a government, corporate job or spouse or friend. They ah
some of it is, to make their case, to prove their point, to rally their
responsible to love us, entertain us, fill us up, appreciate us, make us
outrageous and frequently paranoid cause, to add to their already vast
library/arsenal of ammunition data. But what's the point if our hearts
are shut down and we live unhappy, obsessed, fast-paced, reckless, We live as if we will live forever... continually distracting
miserable and paranoid lives? Good question... ourselves from the need to truly face ourselves. We actually begin to
believe that we can outsmart the inevitable, and actually believe that
The following is a working paper exploring another type of
the distractions will actually bring us a deep happiness. We will try and
"conspiracy" which is more devious, more hidden, more insideous and
try. We will keep reasing those same books, keep watching the tube
more threatening than all the conspiracies than I've ever encountered.
(the same programs), keep being attracted to the same type of woman/
There is a vast conspiracy to suppress our feelings, our
man all the while believing that we will get it the next time, that real
birthright to be genuinely happy, our natural ecstacy, our spontaneous
happiness is just around the corner. Yet, paradoxically we will counter
and conscious rage, andger and wildness and our vast uncanny
the obvious repetitive pattern by telling ourselves: "I'll never do it again.
abilities to love. It is strange indeed to see someone truly grieve openly
I vow I will never do it again..." (and you can fill in whatever it is... the
from a loss of a loved one or express anger vulnerably in public while
abusive sexual encounter, the intoxicant, the bloated meal, that new
still looking at each other (rather than the typical slamming the door
movie that I hope will affect me so deeply that it wil transform my life,
shut, throwing the phone down or whatever and race off to an isolated
the deal that didn't quite work out... and on and on).
seperate place)? How often do you see a man or woman smiling
brilliantly, ecstatically and naturally, radiating love and beingness? No And there's a huge conspiracy against intimacy. Most "lover"
drugs, no external lottery-winning-type-of-pseudo-bliss, but a genuine relationships are fueled by romance and sentimentality or a lust that is
flowering and glowing of being Love? based on fantasy and rigidly efforting rituals that are devoid of any
spontaneity or truthfulness. A generic security/pleasure contract is
There are immensely strong forces to keep us defensive,
frequently made to glue the supposed relationship together. We are so
vain, ego-obsessed, in body-denial, enmeshed in the duality of pleasure-
afraid of being abandoned that wwill do the most stupid things to stay
craving/pain-aversion, unspontaneous, aloof, appearing as if we have
in an abusive relationship. I've come to the unfortunate conclusion that
embodied certitude, spiritually vacuous, blank, unfeeling, talking head
most people desire someone who will not love them (for that is what
happened for most of us in our childhood- the addiction to drama and
There's a grand conspiracy to keep us all distracted from
struggle is very strong) and if we ever got involved with someone who
entering our depths, our pain, our joy and learning our true purpose in
truly loved us we wouldn't know what to do.
life. Distractions, constant distractions to keep us numb and robotic.
Most "friend" relationships are based on a mutual admiration
Sugar sweets to get us high, meat to maintain our slothful
society posture where there's an unwritten and unspoken agreement
sluggishness, coffee and other caffeinated sodas to
that neither will challenge the other- just play it safe, nice and
stimulate us, fast foods to bloat us, images in magazines
Most sexual behavior is based on tension and release collection of habits, opinions and fantasies) so we can begin the
and used/abused to make us feel better. Most "love-making" arduous yet joyful task at hand to start transforming ourselves.
(sexing) is based on automatic energetic charge that is created, I recall hearing from afriend howtruly joyful it was forhim
it doesn't blossom from our depths, an emergence of spirit- to suspend his immediate and automatic defensive posture
communion with the other. And the conspiracy gleefully runs whenever someone gave him feedback (and it usually didn't
amok damaging people heedlessly, perpetually putting salt on a matter how the feedback was delivered- whether it was yelled or
wound that often times is too painful to feel. And, simultaneously whispered). It wasn't just the idea of suspending his defensive
the conspiracy demands that we don't even have the slightest posture that allowed him to feel joyful but he felt free in not being
curiosityor interest in our pain, our wounds, our abused past (and a defensive robot and he started to really realize that people
present). Denial and absurd hope are locked into keep us numb, weren't"attacking"himbutwereactuallytakingariskbytellinghim
stupid, unalive, superficial and deadeningly blank. Life is stranger something about himself that they didn't enjoy (which is usually a
than science fiction... very vulnerable thing to do).
These are the grand conspiracies. But you know what? So he got ataste of that freedom-and thattastecan allow
It's the world aand it's not going to change... The Buddhists call it more space for other possible changes.
Samsara. The Hindus call it Maya... and we think that that's all I met an 85 year old woman the other day who was telling
there is... so we keep spinning our wheels, as it were... knowing me how exuberant she had been feeling since she had started to
that it's a mess, trying to figure it out, trying to blame someone, "taste" how she needn't be so nice and accomodating to people.
trying to change it all the while being totally enmeshed in it- She had been working on it for years and suddenly a shift had
assuming one can change the world or external circumstances taken place and joy was simply and lovingly on her face. Amidst
withoutchanging one's consciousness or relationship to oneself... all the years of anguish and misery ther blossomed a joy from
There's an interesting quote from the new book titled The Tibetan fruitful effort and purposeful awareness.
Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche which is quite I write this open letter to allow more space in the
pertinent here: conspiracy researcher milieu to include some of the more insidious
"Samsara is highly organized, versatile and sophisticated; types of secrets we cherish so deeply within our private hells. I
it assaults us from every angle with its propaganda, and creates became fascinated by conspiracy material because a man I
an almost impregnable environment of addiction around us. The longed to be truly fathered by was obsessed with paranoid
more we try to escape, the more we seem to fall into the traps it scenarios and who tried to figure out who was running the world.
is so ingenious at setting for us... we are like people crawling He spent more time with his obscure studies while his heart was
through an endless desert, dying of thirst. And all that this left unnourished. I spent nearly ten years of my life (publishing
samsara holds out to us to drink is a cup of salt water, designed conspiracy material) unconsciously motivated by my longingtobe
to make us even thirstier..." accepted and loved by a man. I gathered data and more data,
And yesterday I came across another quote that I'd like accumulating ammunition to convince someone out there that I
to share with you that I know will interest any wide-eyed expansive was worth something. It wasn't enough to simply be. I had to
conspiracy researcher. suppress all sorts of feelings to give the impression that I was
"First of all it must be realized that the sleep in which man someone who I was not. The more bizarre I was in articulatingthe
exists is not normal but hypnotic sleep. Man is hypnotized and this zany and most cruel of conspiracies the more I attracted those
hypnotic state is continually maintained and strengthened in him. zany, unstable and despairing of characters. I started to see the
One would think that there are forces for whom it is useful and recurring theme and felt a shock going through my system.
profitable to keep man in a hypnotic state and prevent him from Something in me was screaming and yearning for something else.
seeing the truth and understanding his position... When a man It wasn't a channeled voice from a distant alien galaxy or a
begins to know himself many things are bound to horrify him. So transmission from some CIA experiment in ELF mind control- but
long as a man is not horrified at himself he knows nothing about a subtle longing and ache emanating from my heart that needed
himself. A man has seen in himself something that horrifies him. to discover the truth...
He decides to throw it off, stop it, put an end to it. But however-
many efforts he makes, he feels that he cannot do this, that
everything remains as it was. Here he will see his impotence, his
Bob Banner is a window washer, tennis instructor,
helplessness, and his nothingness... And infeeling his nothingness
a man should see himself as he really is, not for a second, not for publisher and writer. He has written for New Age Journal,
a moment, but constantly, never forgetting it." -G. I. Gurdjieff Sacred Fire, Preparation, Conspiracy Digest and published
If we truly seek to become something more than just a an eccentric and eclectic magazine for ten years called
samsaric dude consuming and consuming what they designedly Critique: Exposing Consensus Reality. He currently also
provide for us then what are we to do? Yet before we can do we works with people (via group and individual sessions) who
must fee. And in order to be we must truly know ourselves, and are in need of learning to be real, truthful and more intimate
that process can be both terribly threatening and quite liberating. with their dark and light side.
To truly free ourselves we must start off accepting that
we are not free, that we are caught in a trap of delusions, opinions,
fantasies, belief systems and assumptions of who we are. We
imagine ourselves to befree, being capable of walking into difficult
situations with no fear, no insecurity; being capable of S e n d y o u r r e s p o n s e s to A s y l u m For S h u t - i n s , a n d they will
spontaneously being ourselves in all situations; being capable of b e f o r w a r d e d to Mr. Banner. R e s p o n s e s that pique our
penetrating our genuine essence into the world at large, in every interest will b e p u b l i s h e d in A F S I #4. We'll s e n d you a f r e e
moment. We need to be able to taste true spontaneity, true copy of # 4 if w e print y o u r r e s p o n s e . S e n d by July 1 , 1 9 9 4
authority, true grace, true joy, true power, so that we can see who to:
we are not- so we can see our limitations, difficulties, conditionings
and habits as just what they are. Not to rise above our peculiar
disabilities, neuroses orpersonally historical traumas andimagine
that we are somewhere we are not. But to truly fee/where we are
PO BOX 46581
really at, having compassion for that person (that entity who is a BEDFORD OH 44146
BUSSED SPRAY - AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION T h e r e ' s the key. People, in theirfanatic
J O U R N A L Feb. 1994 zeal t o eliminate t h i n g s that a r e out of sight but
PO DRAWER 2440 not out of m i n d , give piles of m o n e y to groups
TUPELO MS 38803 s u c h a s this a n d d e m o n s t r a t e t o help cleanse
their c o n s c i e n c e s of t h e sins of others. Que
W e never thought w e ' d c o m e t o t h e sera, sera.
d e f e n s e of t h e corporations, least of all t h e T V T o m R e g a n ' s attack on Rush
n e t w o r k s . In a sick twist of fate, the A F A , in L i m b a u g h o n t h e s e p a g e s is a l m o s t as
their quest for the implementation of prudish predictable a s listening t o R u s h ! In fact, most
morality in all aspects of public a n d private life, of t h e m a g is d o w n r i g h t boring. T h e only
h a v e c a u s e d u s t o take up a r m s . In the n a m e predictable items of interest a r e t h e nice pics of
of F R E E D O M , w e d o hereby a n n o u n c e o u r d e a d a n i m a l s . Did t h e y kill t h e s e animals
allegiance t o the T V producers, that t h e y m a y t h e m s e l v e s t o p r o v e their points? I wonder if
p r o d u c e w h a t they w i s h t o ; t o the N e t w o r k s , t h e y c o u l d b e b u s t e d for having s u c h sick
that they m a y broadcast what t h e y wish to; t o contraband?
t h e advertisers, that they m a y sponsor w h a t -Ed Godard
t h e y w i s h t o ; to t h e viewers, that they m a y
w a t c h w h a t e v e r c r a p o l a they w i s h to. W e have
d e c l a r e d A C T U A L W A R o n t h e A F A , effective B A T T E R I E S N O T I N C L U D E D V o l 1 , #2
W e humbly a s k y o u t o support the YELLOW SPRINGS OH 45387
following: $2

Top Sponsors of prime-time TV violence G o d d a m n ! A b r a n d n e w jackpot has

c o m e c r a s h i n g d o w n a-jingling f r o m t h e slot
1. Chrysler Corp. 7. Helene Curtis Industries, Inc.
m a c h i n e of t h e s m a l l - p r e s s . Batteries Not
Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep Degree, Finesse, Suave
2. ConAgra, Inc. 8. Campbell Soup Co. I n c l u d e d is a great n e w sexually-oriented
Butterball, Hunts, Peter Pan Pepperidge Farms, Smnson newsletter that isn't o n e of t h o s e geeky, "huh-
3. Burroughs Wellcome Co. 9. PepsiCo h u h , didja s e e her titties, h u h - h u h " kinda things
Actifed, Neosporin, Sudaled Pepsi, Doritos, Pizza Hut, Taco Bell t h e frat b o y s t e n d t o put out.
4. Grand Metropolitan, Inc. 10. Ciba-Geigy Corp. I m e a n , really. Y o u r a v e r a g e die-hard
Alpo, Burger King, Pillsbury Acutrim, Desenex, Efidac/24 p o r n f a n is t h e sort of s c h m u c k w h o doesn't get
5. Unilever United States Inc. 11. J. C. Penney any- o r he w o u l d n ' t h a v e t o w a t c h someone
Dove soap, Ragu foods, Vaseline J. C. Penney department stores else get it for h i m - o r s o m e o n e w h o can't get
6. Miles Inc. 12. The Clorox Company g o i n g , or s o m e o n e that just isn't b o r e d easily.
Alka-Seltzer, S.O.S. soap pads Clorox, Hidden Valley Ranch, Tilex
H o w m a n y t i m e s c a n y o u w a t c h other people
f u c k before w a t c h i n g t h e 6 : 0 0 news becomes
CIA b e c a u s e t h e y s h o u l d b e a l l o w e d to sponsor entertaining? Clearly, t h e writers of BNI are
violence o r anything else, o n p r i m e time or a n y not y o u r a v e r a g e d i e - h a r d p o r n fans.
other t i m e . Jeff Jarvie is a m a n with taste. Taste
a n d perspective. B o r e d with t h e average porn
If y o u don't want t o w a t c h , I won't flick, h e s e e k s out s o m e t h i n g u n u s u a l , but that
make y o u . Ok? Deal. c u t s t h r o u g h the bull. A c o u p l e of flicks from
this A & B ( c h e c k o u t the C a t a l o g reviews) did
N o w , b e s u r e to get the newsletter, t h e trick. T h e y d o n ' t bother with a plot. RIGHT
b e c a u s e y o u gotta k n o w w h o t o back. A n O N ! Plots just get in t h e w a y of the inevitible.
i n f o r m e d c o n s u m e r is a d a n g e r o u s c o n s u m e r - W h y not just get it o n , a s k s Jarvie. However,
t o debilitating P A C s like t h e A F A . he h a s a s m a l l p r o b l e m . T h e "getting it o n " he
fcsnctx wants the performers to get o n to a/sobores him.
AccMdmt to • paper.• Afferent neural
responses 10 mcduafc*) diitonioa of the H e p r o c l a i m s , "the s e x s c e n e s in most porn
talis of the c u \ by D. F. Petersen ami O.
Carrier Jr. squaton* m i ' (nude* t t w e i T H E A N I M A L S A G E N D A V o l 13, #5 films a r e a s interesting a s a n e w Y E S album".
M m ptm. Ot. to jwt it another «*y. W h o a . N o w , there's a c u t - d o w n . S o what's a
•...comprcuiOM i s lijbtly anaesthetized PO BOX 6809
CMS iixBcaled l p>e»oo^llecti« pain-like
S Y R A C U S E NY 13217 g o o d sex s c e n e t o Jarvie? H o w ' s about Britt
response- to drstonU» of the testis' Havinj
• • o x Ihisd.eMvery. they went on 10 mM to M o r g a n g o i n g d o w n o n a roomful of guys he
•he anowledfr »iiK: '« jtancin* bkm to the
testicle produce* • bunt of activity.' O h , man. What a m I supposed to say d e s c r i b e s a s c o n v i c t s a n d v a g r a n t s in
a b o u t this b u n c h of d o - g o o d e r s ? They h a v e s o s u c c e s s i o n a s they try t o m a k e wisecracks?
m u c h time o n their hands that they look out for H o w a b o u t a girl w h o m he lovingly refers to as
t h e four-legged t y p e s . S o w h a t ? T h e y h a v e so t h e " H o o k - n o s e d Jit Girl" w h o h a s a roomful of
m u c h c o n f i d e n c e t h a t all of h u m a n k i n d ' s g u y s put c o n d o m s o n , j a c k off, r e m o v e the

10 p r o b l e m s a r e s o l v e d that w e c a n turn our

attention t o our furry brethren. Great.
things, a n d give t h e m t o her s o s h e c a n slurp
down the goo. I'm not s u r e it qualifies a s a "sex
s c e n e " , per se, but that w o u l d n ' t b o r e m e . f o r c e s m a d e m e w o n d e r if t h e regular cast of
R i c h a r d P a c h e c o c o n t r i b u t e d a great writers w a s replaced for this d o u b l e issue by
personal story a b o u t t h e t i m e h e h a d t o explain t h e p a n t y w a i s t s at t h e A m e r i c a n F a m i l y
h i s " n e w c a r e e r " t o h i s m o m a n d d a d . Pacheco Association. By the m a g i c of cut-and-paste,
w a s a p o r n actor, w h o b e f o r e letting t h e folks let's o b s e r v e s o m e similarities:
in o n t h e gig, t o l d t h e m h e w a s a c t i n g in local
commercials and such. Breaking the news to incarceration). Numerous prisons are very "liberal" where
t h e m w a s little m o r e t h a n d a m a g e control, religious observences are concerned and some even have
since o n e of his slimier c o u s i n s h a p p e n e d t o
multi-million dollar complexes to serve the needs of their
s e e h i m in t h e flick " C a n d y S t r i p e d N u r s e s "
inmate population, yet when it comes to allowing Satanists
a n d s p r e a d t h e n e w s t h r o u g h o u t his family
like wildfire. to ritualize, or even have their literature, there has been
BNI treats t h e r e a d e r t o a m o r e a b o v e - resistance from some institutional authorities. We have been
b o a r d a n d friendly v i e w of t h e p o r n a n d s e x making headway in this area by demonstrating our ^
entertainment w o r l d t h e n m o s t others. E v e n credentials as a legally-recognized religious organization
t h e M c P o r n m a g s like P l a y b o y a n d Hustler
like t o create for t h e r e a d e r this a t m o s p h e r e of
penetrating a s t r a n g e , f o r e i g n l a n d , t o let t h e A s y l u m F o r S h u t - l n s regrets h a v i n g t o >
reader b e t h e kid in t h e c a n d y s t o r e for a f e w a n n o u n c e t h a t w e lack t h e p a g e s t o s u p p o r t all
minutes- t h e n b a c k t o t h e s t u p i d c a r articles. of t h e clips f r o m Christian organizations t o f
T h e y like t o p l a y t h e devil giving a s n e a k match this o n e from t h e Satanists: • 1

preview of s o m e ill-sought p a r a d i s e , w h i c h is
utter shit. P e o p l e like t o h a v e s e x , a n d w h y
not? W h y m u s t w e still b e a s h a m e d a n d v i e w Our victory is assured as we are in harmony with Nature -
having p l e a s u r e a s dirty o r s l i m y ? W e w e r e s o avatars of the Universe's Order. We demand that Lex
close t o a c h i e v i n g a societal a c c e p t a n c e of Talionis be the rallying cry for a return to justice, and that -
sex a s a universal p l e a s u r e , but right b e f o r e as long as this present system lasts - those who are hired to
s o m e o n e c o u l d affirm it, t h e c o m b i n a t i o n of administer justice, and thus act as agents of the state, will
t h e A I D S s c a r e a n d this politically correct
leave their religious prejudices at home. Not for nothing did
horseshit c a m e t o t h e f o r e . N e w s l e t t e r s like
our Satanic founding fathers create a Constitution which
B N I m a y not g o a long w a y t o w a r d s c h a n g i n g
attitudes, but is h e r e for t h o s e w h o aren't
demands a "separation of church and state."
sexually r e t a r d e d a n d a r e a b l e t o have f u n
with s e x . w h e t h e r it b e hetero, h o m o , lesbian
or whatever. If H e W h o Cannot Be N a m e d or M a g i c
o r whatever is the force b e h i n d t h e m , a n d t h e y
never really m a k e it clear, their m e s s a g e s u r e
T H E B L A C K F L A M E V o l 4 , # 3/4 c o n v e y s W E A K N E S S n o matter h o w t o u g h
International F o r u m of t h e C h u r c h of S a t a n they try to m a k e t h e m s e l v e s out to b e . A
PO BOX 499 pathetic p o e m called "I Hate Everyone" reeks
RADIO CITY STATION of inarticulate t e e n angst, yet s e e m s fairly
N E W YORK NE 10101-0499 representative of what g o e s o n in t h e s e p a g e s .
$6 L a V e y ' s n a m e a p p e a r s o n virtually
every p a g e . Replace t h e " C h u r c h Of S a t a n
A l t h o u g h in t h e f u l l - o n m a g a z i n e founder" tag with "Socialist W o r k e r s Party
format, content d i c t a t e d p l a c e m e n t in this Leader a n d C o m r a d e " a n d , well, y o u c a n figure
section a m o n g s t s o m e of t h e o t h e r 'Voices" of t h e p a r t y line t o e i n g a n d s l e e p - i n d u c i n g
the w o u l d - b e Paths. I f o u n d myself extremely happening o n t h e s e p a g e s .
disappointed o n three counts. First, t h e I thought the w h o l e p r e m i s e of Satanic
useless u s - a g a i n s t - t h e m shit is thoroughly behavior w a s a drive t o w a r d s self satisfaction
pervasive. S e c o n d , virtually n o theologically of earthly desires. T h e writers a r e s o w r a p p e d
oriented philosophical b a n t e r c a n b e f o u n d . up in angst, tough-guy posturing a n d s u c k i n g
Third, t h e writers s e e m t o b e u n d e r t h e g u n t o up to LaVey, that this notion is totally m i s s i n g .
s u c k up t o C h u r c h Of S a t a n f o u n d e r A n t o n T h e only r e d e e m i n g feature of this incredibly
LaVey. B O R I N G m a g a z i n e w a s t h e extensive section
Every religious g r o u p in A m e r i c a today w h i c h r e v i e w e d other Satanic z i n e s . An
s e e m s t o t h i n k that it is t h e y w h o a r e b e i n g incredible disappointment. I h o p e for their
persecuted at every t u r n . S u r e , the w o r d s a k e s that their lives a r e more substantial t h a n
" S a t a n " is a s t a b o o a s t h e y c o m e , b u t t h e v a c u o u s shit that c o m p r i s e d their insipid
cripessake, t h e pissy w h i n i n g by a g r o u p little "forum".
w h i c h c o n t e n d s they a r e in control of superior
BROADCAST INTERVIEW SOURCE T h e cast r e v i e w e d a b u n c h of b o o k s covering t h e topic,
2233 WISCONSIN A V E N W including "A Century of S e x K i l l e r s " , ' T h e Girl o n t h e Wolkswagen
WASHINGTON DC 20007 Floor", ' T h e M o r m o n Murders", a n d ' T h e Jeffrey DahmerShrine",
a m o n g others. In a n interview, a u t h o r M i c h a e l N e w t o n tells
T h i s isn't a listing f o r a newsletter, but for lack of a better what d r e w h i m t o his f a s c i n a t i o n , reveals his favorites- both
place t o put'it, h e r e it is. T h e s e folks publish t h e very e x p e n s i v e authors a n d serial killers, a n d e x p r e s s e s his h o p e s of discovering
Yearbookof Experts, Authorities & Spokespersons, w h i c h simply the existence of m o r e serial killers in t h e f o r m e r Soviet Union
l i s t s a b u n c h o f self-appointed experts. H a v e y o u e v e r w o n d e r e d than the c o m m u n i s t s let o n a b o u t .
how certain "experts" a r e l o c a t e d by m e d i a folks for interviews? W h a t ' s t h e fascination? I don't know. Do y o u enjoy
T h e m e d i a d o e s n ' t just h a p p e n t o k n o w all of t h e s e people. Their watching horror movies? D o y o u enjoy trashy c h o p - u p flicks?
rolodex isn't infinitely s t o c k e d . T h e y turn t o this guide. Y o u ' v e all s e e n t h e m . T h e dark side of humanity continues to
A n y t i m e t h e A T F g o e s a n d p l a y s a r o u n d with a cult, the d r a w o u r attention just a s t h e six-year o l d is d r a w n to the
media likes t o interview a "cult expert". W o u l d n ' t you like to be Twinkies. Most of u s d o n ' t shoot heroin, but we'll stare at a photo
t h e o n e C N N t u r n s t o for o p i n i o n s a n d information? Hey... All of s o m e junkie w i t h a n e e d l e in his a r m . Most of us don't give
y o u n e e d is t h e c a s h t o place a n a d in their t h i n g . T h e standard h e a d to a d o g , but w e ' II w a t c h s o m e o n e d o it in a p o r n v i d . Most
a d runs s o m e $ 3 0 0 + , but shit- t h i n k o f t h e e x p o s u r e ! G e t t w o of us just need a little p e e k every n o w a n d t h e n , just to know such
or t h r e e interviews u n d e r y o u r belt, write a b o o k (co-authored, things h a p p e n . Of c o u r s e , if y o u n e e d t o get a little closer, Evil
of course) a n d publicize it a s having b e e n written by an authority! lists the a d d r e s s e s of true c r i m e z i n e s , booksellers, m u s e u m s ,
A s s e e n o n C N N ! S e e t h a t ? Instant career! W h a t f u n y o u c a n a n d t h e killers t h e m s e l v e s .
have w i t h i n v e n t e d credibility.


842 F O L S O M S T 7803 RUANNE CT
BOX 2 3 5 PASADENA MD 21122
$1 Editor/compiler J a m e s W a l e s is carrying o n t h e work of
w e l l - d o c u m e n t e d U F O r e s e a r c h e r / k o o k Laura M u n d o (1913-
A m b i . T e m p o r a r y A u t o n o m o u s Z o n e s . Situationist 1989). W a l e s b a s e s his writing o n M u n d o ' s p r e m i s e that the
Hijinx. T h e D i s c o r d i a n T i m e T a b l e . T h i s s p a c e w a s o n c e limited h u m a n s f a c e real trouble in a f o r m t h a t c a n best b e explained by
but w e p r e s s e d h a r d e n o u g h a n d got h e r t o c u m . H a r d e n o u g h ? viewing t h e film, T h e Invasion of t h e B o d y Snatchers. Fine.
Well, vigorously e n o u g h at least. T h e o r g a n blasts that w h e y a r e There's t h e premise. Dispute it if y o u like.
a l l d u m m e d . P h r e ? Never. S o m e w h a y o r a n o t h e r t h i s r u b s m e W h a t I'd like t o d i s p u t e is a bit of ax grinding performed
the w r o n g w h e y , e v e n t h o u g h I enjoy a n d subscribe. H u h ? by W a l e s , clogging his newsletter w i t h a total a s i d e , completely
Struggle o n , little sister. H e hit m e harder this time, s o that I ignoring t h e w o r k a n d spirit of M u n d o . H e g o e s o n a n d o n about
bleed for a d a y - a w h o l e d a y . C o p s inside my h e a d s c r e e c h , the state of t h e U S e c o n o m y , especially a b o u t t h e budget deficit.
peeling o u t t h e t u b i n g a n d installation o n c e his t h e b l e m i s h e s of Look. I a c k n o w l e d g e t h e inherent p r o b l e m s of t h e funny money
conformity. W h e y a r e n e v e r f r e e d , only disillusioned. A m b i is budgets left b e h i n d by o u r p r e v i o u s p r e s i d e n t s - especially the
not a n y sort of q u e s t i o n i n g a n s w e r . In fact, I a m no longer last t w o , but what the hell does that have to do with alien
interested u p o r d o w n . infiltration of the populace? E h ? If t h e saucer-folk are going to
-Rev. JohnX. Piche' overtake t h e h u m a n s s o o n , w h y s h o u l d t h e y g i v e a fat rat's fart
about s o m e silly national b u d g e t ? A r e t h e aliens going to
decide, "well, t h e Americans h a v e b a l a n c e d their budget and
EVIL # 5 have eradicated theirdeficit... let's let t h e population of the Earth
T h e Newsletter for T r u e C r i m e B o o k Fanatics live... what t h e fuck..."? W h a t d o t h e y c a r e a b o u t the ability of
PO BOX 476641 bureaucrats t o conduct finance? C r i p e s alive! A n d why are they
C H I C A G O IL 6 0 6 4 7 c o n c e r n e d about American!inances? Doesn't t h e shit in B o s n i a
$1 pique their interest? C o m e o n .
W h e n will infiltration b e c o m p l e t e e n o u g h t o vanquish
A s a study in h u m a n folly, serial killers a r e a n excellent the h u m a n s ? H o w c a n t h e a v e r a g e j o e f i n d o u t if his neighbor
s p e c i m e n a n d D a n Kelly g i v e s us eight p a g e s of w h i z - b a n g folly. is o n e of them? C a n w e c o n v i n c e o u r legislators to allow us to
This is best typified in t h e "Press Klips" section. M u c h like T H E begin p o a c h i n g them? TAwsisthe sort of stuff w e N E E D to know.
N E W S O F T H E W E I R D o r T H E B L A B , D a n s c o u r e d the
n e w s p a p e r s f o r a r t i c l e s o n t h i s w a c k y b u n c h a n d neatly
p a r a p h r a s e d e a c h into a q u i c k c h u c k l e . T h e biggest "har-hars"
c a m e f r o m t h e q u o t e s that lined t h e top of e a c h p a g e . I'll indulge
y o u w i t h but o n e p r e c i o u s little g e m :
' T h a t ' s w h y I c h o k e d t h o s e ladies. It w a s t o get
their v o i c e s . " -Edward Joseph Leonski
ON G O G O L BOULEVARD Actually, t h e epithets hurled b y t h e gutteral writers are
NEITHER E A S T NOR W E S T . mildly c o m i c a l . O h , you'll f i n d t h e stock "jungle bunny" and
528 FIFTH S T R E E T "burrhead" slurs a n d t h e like, but I'd b e lying if I didn't say that
BROOKLYN NY 11215 their calling the m e d i a the "jews m e d i a " a n d N Y C "Jew York City"
m a d e m e chuckle. T h e fear of t h e g r o u p s t h e y f e e l superior to
O N G O G O L B O U L E V A R D i s t h e newsletter of a political also m a k e s m e c h u c k l e .
action g r o u p c a l l e d Neither East Nor W e s t . T h e O G B moniker Oddly, g r o u p s like t h e K l a n a n d t h e neo-Nazis a r e often
is d e r i v e d f r o m a M o s c o w street w h e r e u n d e r g r o u n d a n d l u m p e d under t h e m i c r o s c o p e of t h e conspiracy theorists,
counter-culture t y p e s c o n g r e g a t e . W h i l e I didn't actually get a placing t h e m at t h e root of o n e of t h e m a n y theories. Playing
hold of a c o p y of O G B , I w a s sent a c o p y of their article in the devil's a d v o c a t e , c o u l d w e give t h e n e o s t h e benefit of t h e doubt
W i n t e r e d i t i o n of ANARCHY: A JOURNAL OF DESIRE ARMED a n d a s s u m e that t h e r e is a n anti-white c o n s p i r a c y ?
Allow m e to c o n f o u n d t h o s e w h o might s a y "yes". If one
T h e N E N W g r o u p h a s a n interesting a p p r o a c h to the is to accept that there is a n anti-white conspiracy, that acceptance
m e t h o d s of protest- t h e y n e t w o r k w i t h other likeminded g r o u p s would indicate a n a c c e p t a n c e of a s u p e r i o r l y of t h e "oppressor"-
a n d individuals internationally. T h e results s e e m to b e far the non-white. T h i s a d m i s s i o n w o u l d effectively thwart the
greater t h a n t h o s e g a r n e r e d b y t h e protests o n public s q u a r e s notion of white "power". E v e n if t h e y a r g u e d that, " o h , w e mean
or in p a r k s that w e s e e a n d t e n d t o d i s m i s s with c a s u a l e a s e . that whites a r e superior t o b l a c k s or t o J e w s , e a c h taken a s
W h e n a N e w Y o r k park protester f a c e d trial after s o m e 2 0 individuals", t h e y ' d still b e c o n c e d i n g that w h i t e s a r e inferior to
arrests, a Polish g r o u p f o r w a r d e d a letter to t h e presiding j u d g e . rest collectively. I w o n d e r if t h e s e g u y s h a v e s u r v e y e d the logic
T h e j i s t of t h e letter w a s t h a t folks in Poland look up t o t h e United they e m p l o y in their o w n p r o p a g a n d a ?
States a s a m o d e l of f r e e d o m , a n d they understood that this Here g o e s with a s t a t e m e n t that w o u l d really piss off the
parks protester w a s b e i n g tried for exercising his f r e e d o m . T h e y Schicklegruber F a n C l u b (for r e a s o n s I still d o n ' t grasp): reading
e x p r e s s e d s o r r o w that s u c h a t h i n g c o u l d h a p p e n in a free place their p a p e r differs Ifttlef r o m reading t h e old C o m m u n i s t Workers
likethe U.S. A little international s h a m i n g a n d guilt-tripping g o e s Party p a p e r s . Everything r e v o l v e s a r o u n d t h e s a m e three
a long w a y . T o o b a d local r e a s o n can't g o a s far, e h ? topics (as t h o u g h t h e y a r e all t h e r e is t o life) w h i c h end up at the
Most of t h e information a n d y e s , p r o p a g a n d a , is of a n s a m e finality a n d induces t h e s a m e y a w n s . I c a n never figure
anti-authoritarian bent, certainly a n t i - c o m m u n i s t , yet treading w h y t h e neo-Nazis h a t e t h e c o m m i e s a n d n e o - c o m m i e s so
libertarian w a t e r . T h e p e o p l e of t h e former East Bloc just want m u c h , since the N a z i s n e v e r struck m e a s b e i n g m u c h different
to b e left a l o n e . W h o c a n b l a m e t h e m ? t h a n c o m m u n i s t s . B o t h s u b s c r i b e t o s o m e bastard f o r m of
For t h o s e w h o b e l i e v e t h e recent instituting of capitalism socialism. Both w i s h t o dictate culture. B o t h w i s h t o restrict
in t h e East h a s led t o f r e e d o m , r e a d o n . Without really knowing citizenship status. Both f e a r t h e u n d e r c l a s s e s a n d t h e generally
how t o g o a b o u t t h e b u s i n e s s of starting a nation c e n t e r e d o p p r e s s e d despite p a n d e r i n g heavily t o t h e m . B o t h wish to
a r o u n d capitalist e n t e r p r i s e , g o v e r n m e n t s h a v e a l l o w e d t h o s e restrict individual f r e e d o m s . B o t h w a n t individuals t o work for
holding c a s h t o g o t o it. T h i n k for a minute. W h o had any c a s h The C a u s e instead of t h e m s e l v e s . B o t h utilize utterly mind-
in t h e s e s y s t e m s ? Peasant f a r m i n g t y p e s ? Factory w o r k e r s ? n u m b i n g rhetoric w h i c h c a n n o t possibly a p p e a l to "the masses".
Of c o u r s e not. C a s h w a s all held b y military personnel a n d Both w o n d e r w h y they a r e s o w i d e l y i g n o r e d or o p p o s e d . A m I
political party h a c k s . W h i c h party h a c k s ? T h e c o m m u n i s t party missing t h e differences s o m e h o w ? W h o c a r e s ?
hacks. A m e r i c a n s h a v e b e e n q u i c k to f r o w n o n Easterners w h o This particular s o u r c e sells a n a s t o u n d i n g array of stuff.
f r o w n o n t h e n e w c a p i t a l i s m , p r o b a b l y b e c a u s e w e haven't b e e n They have regalia like s w a s t i k a p i n s , S S skull medallions, flags
quick t o think it t h r o u g h . T h e n e w capitalists a r e t h e w o l v e s in a n d other j u n k better s t o c k e d h e a d s h o p s carry. If y o u like to put
the s h e e p ' s c l o t h i n g . o n y o u r b r o w n s h o r t s a n d m a r c h a r o u n d y o u r cell, t h e tapes of
It isn't h a r d t o d i s c e r n t h e r a w info f r o m t h e p r o p a g a n d a G e r m a n m a r c h i n g t u n e s might c a t c h y o u r f a n c y . They have
and rally-cries. Unfortunately, it's e v e n h a r d e r t o verify information b o o k s o n Hitler, Hitler's b o o k , Hitler's R e i c h , Hitler's pals, and
f r o m o v e r t h e r e t h a n f r o m here. O d d s a r e , t h o u g h , that e v e n e v e n "Hitler, T h e U n k n o w n Artist". S o m e of A m e r i c a n George
t h o u g h t h e w o r d s a r e c o m i n g f r o m j a d e d a n d a n g r y typewriters, Rockwell's s p e e c h e s a r e o f f e r e d o n t a p e a s w e l l .
there is a m o u n t a i n of truth t o the notion that real oppression is
going o n o v e r t h e r e . A n d w e bitch if w e don't hit the lottery.
T H E M A G I C A L L I N K Fall 1 9 9 3
PO B O X 6 4 1 4
Opium, Poison, Passion FAIRFAX CA 94978

LINCOLN NE 68506 It struck m e o d d l y t h a t t h e O T O "history issue" left me

with t h e impression that I s h o u l d h a v e k n o w n s o m e O T O history
H e r e w e g o . T h e N E W O R D E R is another o n e of t h e s e before a p p r o a c h i n g . P a g e O n e reprints t h e m i n u t e s of meetings
white p o w e r n e w s p a p e r s . T h e y o p e r a t e o n t h e p r e m i s e that the f o u n d i n g t h e North A m e r i c a n O T O in V a n c o u v e r . Following
A m e r i c a n n e w s m e d i a is not merely pro-black, but anti-white. pages have correspondence between Aleister
T h e r e f o r e , t h e y o f f e r t h e i r p a p e r . . . j u s t t o e v e n t h e s l a t e . Naturally, Crowley a n d (Frater Superior Merlin) R e u s s w h i c h is
their assault is all-out a n d not d i s g u i s e d in t h e m a n n e r t h e y c l a i m quite amicable at first, but e n d s with C r o w l e y scolding
the m e d i a e m p l o y s . a n d challenging R e u s s , w h i c h is fairly entertaining.
It s e e m s that R e u s s w a s b u s y establishing L o d g e s
a c r o s s t h e while w o r l d , w h i c h thrived until just THE REMAIN INTACT "ORGANIZATION
after his d e a t h in t h e 1920s. T o r e a d a C r o w l e y A S M A L L V O I C E C R Y I N G O U T IN T H E
letter of 1 9 1 6 , t h e impression is that t h e y w e r e WILDERNESS
o n t h e v e r g e of h u g e international influence, BOX 86
but in less t h a n 1 0 y e a r s , it h a d petered out. I L A R C H W O O D IA 5 1 2 4 1
w o n d e r w h y O T O w a s s o happy t o print it? I
k n o w it's history a n d all, but less t h a n flattering. It w a s a bit d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o have
A t a n y r a t e , I still h a v e n o m o r e received t h e f/7sfRemain Intact newsletter and
u n d e r s t a n d i n g of what O T O is all about, other h a v e o n l y printed matter fall o n t o my lap. T h e
t h a n that it is a fraternal b r o t h e r h o o d lodge that e y e - c a t c h i n g g r a p h i c s c a m e a l o n g with their
is i n v o l v e d in t h e magickal (I learned a n e w rants in t h e v e r y f r e q u e n t subsequent mailings.
spelling) a n d mystical. That t h e y a r e Satanists T h i s g r o u p is t h e m o s t a d a m a n t of the
a s a l l e g e d b y a n y o n e w h o hears t h e n a m e of A N T I - C I R C U M C I S I O N g r o u p s going, andtheir
C r o w l e y is w o n t t o d o , cannot b e s u p p o r t e d by p a m p h l e t s m a k e f o r s o m e pretty a m a z i n g
t h e text of their newsletter. If they a r e hiding it, clip-art. T h e y h a v e a l s o c a u s e d t h e group
t h e y a r e d o i n g it w e l l . s o m e legal t r o u b l e s , w h i c h is a l s o a m a z i n g .
O n e excellent feature of t h e newsletter T h e outfit is r u n b y a n older preacher.
is a h u g e listing of t h e a d d r e s s e s of all of t h e H e ' s gotta b e p u s h i n g 8 0 , b y t h e looks of the
Official O T O B o d i e s w o r l d w i d e (they e v e n p h o t o o n his b u s i n e s s c a r d ( w h i c h looks like
h a v e a n oasis in Bosnia-Herzegovina) a n d a it's 2 0 y e a r s old). H e ' s a minister, a n d a s a
list of O T O p u b l i c a t i o n s , a n d -get d o w n - m a t t e r of p r i n c i p l e , he b e l i e v e s that
c o m p u t e r bulletin b o a r d listings. c i r c u m c i s i o n is u n n e c e s s a r y mutilation- child
-Ed Godard a b u s e , in short. H o w ironic w o u l d y o u find it if
y o u d i s c o v e r e d that t h e religious anti-child
ANPTW a b u s e c r u s a d e r w a s run u p o n c h i l d a b u s e
$PRAY PRACTICE t»TW c h a r g e s ? H u h ! T h a t ' s just w h a t h a p p e n e d to
t h i s g u y , t h a n k s t o his o l d d i c k - s n i p p i n g
pictures. I w r o t e h i m a s k i n g about t h e whole
issue, b u t h e didn't r e s p o n d t o it. I g u e s s he
got off, s i n c e he is still o p e r a t i n g at t h e s a m e
address a s ever with the s a m e name and
PAH! s a m e o l d f o r m s . I g u e s s either w a y , t h e guy
702 M A E ST IWk:ttm
vOMtvrar w o u l d g e t off.
KENT OH 44240 Actually, t h e guy h a s quite a legitimate
send stamps point. T h e p r o c e d u r e is u n n e c e s s a r y . Mostly,
it's d o n e f o r c o s m e t i c p u r p o s e s . A female
Mark Morelli prints this monthly f r i e n d of m i n e o n c e t o l d m e s h e ' d never blow
n e w s l e t t e r w h i c h r e a d s v e r y m u c h like a a g u y w i t h a n u n c i r c u m c i s e d dick, 'cuz it w a s
newspaper op-ed column. Those columnists g r o s s . I d o u b t p a r e n t s t h i n k a b o u t it quite like
t a k e a current e v e n t s t y p e topic a n d relate their that, but b e i n g a d a d a n d a l l , a n d having
p e r s o n a l e x p e r i e n c e in a w a y that m a k e s t h e d i s c u s s e d circumcisions, m o s t just went ahead
a v e r a g e n e w s p a p e r reader think, " h u h , I've w i t h it for that r e a s o n . A s for o t h e r concerns,
h a d s o m e t h i n g like that h a p p e n t o m e too... I t h e p e n i s w i t h t h e f o r e s k i n a t t a c h e d just needs
g u e s s that c o u l d ' v e b e e n me". Like a n y of us m o r e attention- for c l e a n i n g , smartie. Anyway,
c o u l d h a v e b e e n N a n c y Kerrigan or J o h n m o r e a n d m o r e , i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s won't
W a y n e Bobbitt, getting " w h a c k e d " . p a y for c i r c u m c i s i o n s f o r m a n y of t h e reasons
T h e b i g difference is that... I don't t h e o l d p r e a c h e r lists, s o h e m a y b e getting his
k n o w . In t h e t h r e e issues w e got, h e t a l k e d w a y a bit m o r e .
a b o u t b u y i n g H o w a r d Stern's b o o k in a hoity- Until t h e n , he'll likely c o n t i n u e putting
toity b o o k s t o r e , s m o k i n g t o a d , a n d n e w u s e s out t h e s e f o r m letters w i t h great housewife
f o r t h e w o r d "gillooly". D o e s that m a k e h i m any t e s t i - m o n i a l s a n d his o w n rants. His frequent
different t h a n , say, M i k e R o y k o ? I can't s a y I s e l f - c o m p a r i s o n s w i t h Christ a r e fascinating
f o u n d a n y difference, except that Morelli uses in a n d of t h e m s e l v e s . M a y b e he'll d i e o n a
m o r e fifty-cent w o r d s t h a n m o s t columnists. c r o s s t o r e d e e m a l l of t h e w a y w a r d foreskins,
T h e satire w e w e r e expecting to find w a s a bit c h o p p e d off w i t h t h e p e r m i s s i o n of parents
t h i n . H e w a s able t o depict t h e a n i m a l rights under Beelzebub's sway.
activists, b o o k i s h g e e k s , a n d late nite T V folk But hey! M a k e s u r e to get y o u r nice,
acurately in their f l a w s , w h i c h is nice, but not g r a p h i c b u m p e r s t i c k e r s . E v e n if I d i d w i s h to
outstanding. b e c o m e seriously i n v o l v e d in this c a u s e , I
H e r e ' s a bet that other issues h a v e don't t h i n k I'd e v e r put t h e sticker o n t h e car.
better stuff.
UNCOMMON DESIRES NEWSLETTER #15 T h e latest? Feast y e e y e s !
PO BOX 2377
$3.50 How C l o s e Are We t o The End?

e P a e h 3 V e c n t i
onlv" h»v " ' " ° ""°usly stated that „ e
>|How LJncommon a r e their Desires? W e l l , the cover girl
looked (ike s h e c o u l d b e , in a stretch, a b o u t 1 6 y e a r s o l d . Of return V r ^ " " ° 1 f d a y s b e f o r e

n S r C a t w e

course, 1 6 y e a r - o l d s , especially f e m a l e s , have been passing : ° * o n l y h ^ e a c e r t a i n amount of

months b e 9
f o r e St h eraany
Great T r i b u l a t i o n e n d s . But how do
t h e m s e l v e s off a s b e i n g older a n d getting a w a y with it for ages, I! \, " °.
answer t h a t q u e s t i o n ,
8 Prophets" before u s . r e a t
we w i l l p r e s e n t a n o t h e r group of
earning e n t r a n c e s t o b a r s o r other a g e sensitive establishments
events wruch you can r e l y on a s f u r t h e r confirmation
while I, in-my t e e n s s t o o d o u t s i d e a n d e v e n today- t h a n k s t o a
baby facer still get c a r d e d . T h e p h o t o of a n u d e girl of about
S E V E N y e a r s actually shocked me. T h i s m a r k s t h e very first
a n d only t i m e I've b e e n s h o c k e d b y s o m e t h i n g t o c o m e into the Yahweh, being very bored a n d fed up, had
A s y l u m o v e r t h e past t w o y e a r s . predetermined that earthly leaders w o u l d b e corrupt, controlling,
M a n y of t h e t a l e s a r e recollections b y adults of teen a n d otherwise naughty. H e d e c i d e d that w h e n they d i d become
sexual e x p e r i e n c e s , a n d they're pretty t a m e , talking about sufficiently naughty, H e w o u l d s m i t e t h e m for being a s He
crushes a n d s u c h . T h e editorials b a n g a d r u m of Constitutional w i s h e d a n d m a k e earth topsy-turvy. H e w o u l d m a k e these
protection a n d anti-sex f a s c i s m a n d "right-wing nuts". I believe leaders a n d e x a m p l e for the righteous, w h o s e strings H e would
the printing of material like this s h o u l d b e constitutionally pull in that direction. Y a h w e h put it in t h e h e a d s of His earthly,
protected. T h a t ' s f r e e s p e e c h . Of c o u r s e , t h e Mike Diana c a s e scribes that they s h o u l d write a b o u t t h e s e things that He
p r o v e s that f r e e s p e e c h won't b e protected in Florida. Printing planned that w o u l d h a p p e n in, s a y , 2 0 0 0 , 3 0 0 0 , e v e n 5000
t h e pictures of n a k e d little girls, t h e n , is free s p e e c h , but what is years, a n d they w r o t e a b o u t H i s p l a n . A s p l a n n e d , earthly
taking t h e pictures? Probably c h i l d a b u s e . S a y i n g s o probably leaders b e c a m e naughty e n o u g h t o rile u p Y a h w e h a s He
m a k e s m e a n "anti-sex fascist" o r a "right-wing nut". That's fine. planned.
If I'm afascist b e c a u s e I don't believe a 12-year-old is emotionally This scenario is nothing n e w . T h e key is t o understand
e q u i p p e d t o d e a l with i s s u e s like sexual consent, t h e n I'm a how it is t h e s e folks have arrived at t h e d a t e they d i d , a n d why
fascist. Viva HDuce! W h e n t h e lefties call y o u a right-wing nut t h e y will b e right w h e n o t h e r s h a v e p r o v i d e d s o m u c h
a n d at t h e s a m e t i m e t h e righties call y o u a liberal s c u m , o d d s entertainment f o r u s in t h e past, a s recently a s t w o years ago in
are you're in t h e right p l a c e . South Korea. T h e booklet, " T h e N e w s of t h e W a t c h m e n "
S o m e t h i n g a b o u t adult m e n wanting t o get it o n with (March 1994) provides s u c h Biblical K n o w l e d g e (not that carnal
little girls under t e n d o e s n ' t sit right with m e , n o matter m y k n o w l e d g e . . . t h a t ' s t h e o f r i e r B i b l i c a l K n o w l e d g e ) . Havingtraced
inclinations t o w a r d flat libertarianism. T h e y a d d r e s s issues of Biblical history, they arrived at the correct t i m e f o r t h e beginning
consent a n d a b u s e a n d h o w w h a t t h e s e g u y s are after doesn't of t h e year. Fuck y o u r calendar, s m a r t i e . It's w r o n g . January
constitute t h e latter, but I'm def initly not c o n v i n c e d of t h e former. First? P a h ! T r y Spring. W e l l , t h a t ' s just t h e beginning and
W h a t 12 y e a r - o l d is m a t u r e e n o u g h t o consent t o sexual besides, y o u ' d probably like t o cut t h r o u g h all the hooey a n d get
activity? I feel f o r t h e s e g u y s in t h e s e n s e that they have very to the d a t e of Tribulation A n d Other C r a z i n e s s , right? I'll tell you
real e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , a n d psychological desires that are in a minute, right after explaining w h y they a r e s o certain this will
b o u n d t o g o unfulfilled, but t o o b a d . T h e G o a d s want t o g o out happen.
a n d start s h o o t i n g , a n d T O O B A D . I'd bet J i m a n d Debbie even In their booklet, " T h e S h a k i n g of t h e H e a v e n a n d the
have very real e m o t i o n a l , p h y s i c a l , a n d psychological desires to Earth", g o o d of Revelations 13:5-7 a r e p a r a p h r a s e d . Itsezthat,
do so. well, look below:
T h e y m a d e t h e point of congratulating other zines that
"had t h e c o u r a g e , insight, o r h u m o r t o mention this zine", but I
„.., ' "iVRevelatior. H ,
don't think a n y c o u r a g e w a s necessary. L o o k e e here at o u r
.. „ r P L C i« <*» f
- t l ^-Christ, inti-Bibl.
review! G u t s ? N a h . . . T h e publishers of U D N have guts VerSSS %_7 we read that this anti months,
t w o

b e c a u s e , a l t h o u g h they believe o t h e r w i s e , I believe they a r e will remain in power Eo: forty ^

breaking Federal law a n d w e c a n b e a s s u r e d that they'll A L L go
to prison if this t h i n g t u r n s u p in Florida.

'•^• dSeirPr^'-s.ah's return. Thus,.

BOX 5 2
H A N N A O K 74845 I had t o think about it. W h o is this d e m o n leader. Since
most of these Bible Belt fortune tellers a r e generally conservative
I'm a l w a y s g a m e f o r a n o t h e r end o' t h e world pitch. It's politically, I figured they w e r e talking a b o u t B u b b a
a l w a y s a g o o d t i m e w h e n t h e p r o p h e s i e d d a y c o m e s , getting the Clinton. The math doesn't a d d up, h o w e v e r . Bill w a s
lawn chairs p e r c h e d in t h e front y a r d a n d a with couple of friends inaugurated in J a n u a r y of 1993, giving h i m only 2 2
a n d 4 0 - o u n c e r s g a z e at t h e s t a r s a n d have s o m e g o o d laughs
a s w e wait in vigil.
m o n t h s of Presidency a s of O c t o b e r 7 , 1 9 9 4 . O o p s .
There's t h e date. G o m a r k y o u r calendar. W h i c h
nation is o u r c u r r e n t polit-rival? U h , J a p a n ? ZINES!vol3#1
Their p r i m e minister just a s c e n d e d recently... CHRIS MARTIN
Uh, S a d d a m ? N a h , h e ' s b e e n in c h a r g e for a 221 N B L V D
g o o d while. G e n e r a l A i d i d ' s b e e n a S o m a l i RICHMOND VA 23220-4033
warlord for a s l o n g , t o o . G o s h . Is Boris Yeltsin $1
t h e Beast? H e r e p l a c e d G o r b y in m i d - 1 9 9 2 ,
right? Let's c h e c k t h e m a t h . O c t o b e r , 1 9 9 4 Chris writes reviews for not only this e n d e v o u r , but for t h e unjustifyable
minus42 months equals June, 1991. Hmmm... large m a g G R E Y A R E A S ( p a n n e d in A F S I # 1 ) . A p p a r e n t l y , earlier editions were
W h o t h e hell t o o k p o w e r in J u n e o f 1991 ?!? handwritten before t h e s e halcyon d a y s of p i e c e m e a l i n g a w o r d p r o c e s s i n g system
W e l l , t h e y don't c o m e out a n d identify together with c h e a p parts. N o w that's d e d i c a t i o n !
any o n e leader b e c a u s e , just a s s o m e of o u r Chris is d e d i c a t e d t o his z i n e s . It s e e m s o d d that s o m e o n e might s p e n d
conspiracy researching friends have been his t i m e d o i n g o n a t r e m e n d o u s l y smaller s c a l e w h a t Factsheet 5already does, but
telling u s for s o m e t i m e now, t h e l e a d e r s of t h e he's d e d i c a t e d , s o he p l o w s o n . Ironic t o o that his project, called Zines! looks and
w o r l d , b e it political or financial, a r e all in reads m u c h m o r e like a newsletter t h a n a z i n e . In t h i s issue, Z i n e s ! reviews three
c a h o o t s a g a i n s t T h e People. Of c o u r s e , s o m e efforts b y long-time networker L l o y d D u n n .
of our c o n s p i r a c y r e s e a r c h e r f r i e n d s w o u l d M y first introduction to D u n n w a s t h r o u g h his radio p r o g r a m RadioStatic
pinpoint the actual takeover as having a n d his "group", t h e T A P E - B E A T L E S . T h e w e e k l y , half-hour radio s h o w featured
h a p p e n e d in 1 9 1 3 w h e n t h e Federal Reserve experimental s o u n d artists a n d t h e T a p e - B e a t l e s t o o k t h e w o r k s of others a n d
Board w a s initiated, but t h e s e f o l k s feel t h e y r e a r r a n g e d t h e m t o c r e a t e n e w w o r k s - a la N E G A T I V L A N D , O R
have that special Biblical insider info that s a y s P L U N D E R P H O N I C S . D u n n c e a s e d his m a n y activities f o r t h r e e y e a r s in support
it h a p p e n e d in J u n e of 1 9 9 1 . I w a s w o r k i n g a s of t h e Art Strike, w h i c h h a d s o m e support a n d w a s publicized a little w h e n first
a land surveyor. W h a t w e r e y o u u p t o ? initiated in 1990, but w a s quickly f o r g o t t e n . S a d , b e c a u s e t h e point w a s a
Interestingly, t h e y ' v e offered u p David worthwhile o n e - that art should not b e t r e a t e d strictly a s a c o m m o d i t y . Dunn's zine
K o r e s h a n d his W a c o c o m e d i a n s a s a martyr Y A W N d o c u m e n t s it all.
group (let's s e e , t h a t p u t s t h e m in l e a g u e with T h o s e t w o "groups" are g o o d points of r e f e r e n c e , s i n c e Martin reviewed
the NRA and A C L U . . . odd bedfellows). The D u n n ' s Copyright Violation Squad Bulletin, w h e r e i n D u n n c o m m e n t s about the
destruction of t h e B r a n c h D a v i d i a n s w a s proof lawsuits brought against t h e m by record c o m p a n i e s b e c a u s e e a c h t o o k t h e works
that t h e G o v e r n m e n t of t h e Beast is n o w of others, rearranged t h e m , a n d c r e a t e d b r a n d n e w w o r k s . People get so
beginning to kill t h e C h r i s t i a n s ! Get out t h e protective of their stuff, that t h e y can't just laugh w h e n it's m a d e h u m o r o u s , or even
lawn chairs a n d t h e 4 0 - o u n c e r s ! W e h a v e a realize that s u c h use is t a n t a m o u n t t o free e x p o s u r e . O b v i o u s l y , Dunn's activity
v i g i l t o c o n d u c t t h i s f a l l ! B e s u r e to pick up with t h e Tape-Beatles indicates his feelings o n t h e subject. '
t h e s e b o o k l e t s . I'm s u r e s u b s e q u e n t editions For tackling D u n n , Z i n e s ! is to be c o m m e n d e d . In o r d e r t o be set apart
will h a v e battle p l a n s for survival a n d other f r o m F5, Mr. Martin will have to c o n t i n u e to r e v i e w by t h e m e o r personality or what-
goodies. A m a z i n g h o w t h i s o n e t i e d up s o h a v e - y o u . Otherwise, w h y bother? F5 h a s z i n e r e v i e w s by bulk- e n m a s s , a n d
many l o o s e e n d s , isn't it? w h e n d o u g h is tight, w h a t w o u l d y o u d o ?

"The prose equivalent of

R. Crumb and S. Clay .
Wilson stoned on
evil speed and Sternd."
Hakim Bey
"Original, frightening, and
something not bound by the
conventions of good taste."
Toxic Horror
"Apocalyptic trance ravings."
Factsheet Five
"An alluring mixture of a u
pop-culture smut and o ai to
orgiastic religion." M -p *>

Alternately terrifying & funny."

Rave Reviews
"Striking and original...
. SPRAY zestful and frightening."
1 t PRAISE n »*» Publishers Weekly

Wsm 181 p p . c o l l e c t i o n o f THOM HETZGER's f u g i t i v e w r i t i n g s $6.00

r..i\ concentrate on
1 by t h e a u t h o r o f BIG GURL, SHOCK TOTEM, DROWNING IN FIRE
*our desire, ana
16 the Holy father
Say ycuf'fequesl
Make the Sign of
the Cress.
W e ' d b e h a p p y t o c h i p in and help t h e m j o i n o u r l o n g - l o s t f r i e n d s , t h e d i n o s a u r s , in t h e
dreamless s l e e p o f industrial extinction... if they weren't taking us along with thpmil

SAVE from [

WL&HTLK SubGeniality Ug
Things didn't just "get" this way. Not even humans could cause this much trouble, by accident. It had to
have been PLANNED. It's a CONSPIRACY. It is T H E Conspiracy.

Is it t h e p e o p l e w h o a s s a s s i n a t e d JFK? Or i s it t h e M a s o n s ? Or t h e S a t a n i s t s ? Is it t h e M J - 1 2
C r a s h e d U F O s c o n s p i r a c y , or t h e A l t e r n a t i v e 3 c o n s p i r a c y ? Is it f l u o r i d e in t h e w a t e r , t h e
Watergate burglars, the International Jewish Bankers? What about those w h o killed Jimi, Janis,
Jim, and G . G . ( a n d n o w K u r ( d ) t ! -ed)l A n d John? A n d P a u l ? A n d M a l c o l m ? A n d A u n t B e t t y ? A n d
U n c l e S a m ? A n d T i m m y ' s h a m s t e r ? M o s t o f t h o s e can b e tied in to t h e b a s i c C I A c o n s p i r a c y , but...
w h a t a b o u t t h e l i b e r a l m e d i a c o n s p i r a c y ? H o w i s it t h e y ' r e a l l owned b y W e s t i n g h o u s e , G . E . , and
o t h e r p a r t s o f t h e conservative c o n s p i r a c y ? B u t t h e n , a l l t h e c o n s p i r a c i e s a r e s o i n t e r l o c k e d and
i n t e r w o v e n that w h e n y o u start l o o k i n g i n t o o n e , y o u i n e v i t a b l y e n d u p b e i n g s u c k e d i n t o a n o t h e r
and a n o t h e r .
One c a n e n d l e s s l y explore the world of conspiracies, intricately detailing its works,
m a p p i n g i t s e d d i e s a n d f l o w s , i t s s e c r e t , s u b t l e c u r r e n t s , i t s d a n g e r s . . . b u t o n e r i s k s s u c c u m b i n g to
its apparent f r i e n d l i n e s s and charm. F o r it c o n t a i n s w i t h i n it s o m a n y i n f i n i t e l y v a r y i n g
c o n s p i r a c i e s o f f a n a t i c s that t h e r e ' s B O U N D to b e a c o n s p i r a c y J U S T F O R Y O U to sink into f o r e v e r !
T h e r e are p l e n t y t o . g o a r o u n d ; w e ' v e started H U N D R E D S o f them o u r s e l v e s !
J u s t r e m e m b e r , t h e y ' r e A L L f a l s e e x p l a n a t i o n s f o r r e a l i t y . . . f a l s e b e c a u s e t h e y are
"explanations". B u t t h e y ' r e t h e k i n d o f s e c r e t c a b a l s , p l o t s a n d j u n t a s w e c a n love, because
t h e y ' r e s i n i s t e r and e x c i t i n g , and c o n c r e t e ; w e c a n g e t our hands o n t h e m . Yet none of these
t h o u s a n d s o f " l i t t l e c o n s p i r a c i e s " a r e nearly worthy of our grandiose, allpowering H a t e .
T h e y ' r e s e p a r a t e f r o m u s , t h e y ' r e n o t part o f t h e v e r y A I R w e B R E A T H E , l i k e t h e B I G C o n s p i r a c y .
T h e y ' r e r e a l e n o u g h , b u t t h e y t h e m s e l v e s d o n ' t e v e n k n o w w h o t h e y ' r e really working for. Many
of them e v e n "mean w e l l " ! But all are just R A V E N I N G M O U T H S for a vast hunger w i t h no body.
T h e c o n s p i r a c y t h a t w e t r u l y h a t e , t h e real C o n s p i r a c y , i s n ' t o n e o f t h o s e f i e n d i s h l y clever
o n e s . It d o e s n ' t e v e n know i t ' s a c o n s p i r a c y . It c a n ' t I t ' s a f a c e l e s s c o n f e d e r a c y o f d u n c e s , s o vast
and s o b r o a d that it u n d e r l i e s a l l t h e l e s s e r c o n s p i r a c i e s a n d p e r m e a t e s a l l h u m a n r e a l i t y . Quite
the o p p o s i t e o f d e v i o u s , it d o m i n a t e s b y m e r e l y e x p l o i t i n g t h e o v e r a l l , m e a l y - m o u t h e d ,
c h i c k e n b u t t - k i s s i n g " C o d e o f N o r m a l i t y " (or C O N ) of A L L the P i n k s , n o r m - w o r m s and m e r e - h u m e s
at l a r g e . B u t t h e r e is n o m o r e i n s i d i o u s and s u b t l e a w e a p o n than that.
T h i s C o n s p i r a c y h a s n o f a c e ; w e k n o w it o n l y b y i t s d e s i r e s . . . a g r e a t M i r r o r o f
D i s f i g u r e m e n t , it r e f l e c t s w h a t ' s w r o n g w i t h everyone. Politics and the petty squabbles o f nations
are o n l y part o f w h a t T h e C o n s p i r a c y m a n i p u l a t e s . It is M U C H B I G G E R than g o d s a n d d e m o n s ,
R e p u b l i c a n s a n d D e m o c r a t s , or P r e s i d e n t s a n d i n t e r l o c k i n g c o r p o r a t e d i r e c t o r i e s ; i t ' s e v e r y t h i n g
from t h e s c h o o l b u l l y to t h e w i m p p r i n c i p a l , from M o m and D a d to t h e B o b b i e in t h e w o o d p i l e .

M o r e than a n y t h i n g e l s e , T h e C o n s p i r a c y is an attitude - a fear- a P I N K N E S S . A cancerVbf
t h e i m a g i n a t i o n , t h e h a t r e d o f t h e r e a l , t h e y e a r n i n g for " c u t e n e s s " , t h e e a g e r n e s s to o b e y . . . and
the l a c k o f T R U E faith in " B o b " D o b b s ! Oh, P e o p l e L O V E " n e w " t h i n g s - l i k e M i c h a e l J a c k s o n is
" n e w " c o m p a r e d to T h e B e a t l e s . But if, s a y , a R E A L J E S U S w e r e to appear, w e l l , it m i g h t j u s t l o o k a
bit TOO new to be allowed to run loose for long.
T h i s fear o f t h e u n f a m i l i a r p e r m e a t e s s o c i e t y ; i t ' s w h a t l e t s the C o n g e t a w a y w i t h R E A L
M U R D E R on a m a s s i v e scale. G u a r a n t e e i n g o b e d i e n c e r e q u i r e s l i t t l e e f f o r t o n t h e part o f any
C o n s p i r a c y " r i n g l e a d e r s " ; the s t i n k i n g N o r m a l s h a p p i l y s u p p l y the o b e d i e n c e t h e m s e l v e s . The
o b v i o u s i n j u s t i c e s a n d i n s a n i t i e s w r i t t e n i n t o l a w b o o k s b y I l l u m i n a t i b i g w i g s are i n s i g n i f i c a n t
c o m p a r e d to t h e little things- the u n s p o k e n a g r e e m e n t w i t h the s t a t u s q u o , the u n t h i n k i n g daily
c o w a r d i c e s , t h e s u b t l e p u t - d o w n s , t h e j u d g m e n t a l g o s s i p and all the m u n d a n e v e n a l i t i e s that m a k e
u p human nature: the H a n n a - B a r b e r a c a r t o o n s , the " i n f o t a i n m e n t " p r o g r a m s w i t h c o n c e a l e d
b r a i n l o c k s t i m u l i , t h e R u s h L i m b a u g h b u m p e r s t i c k e r s , the C a u c a s i a n C h r i s t i a n s for C o m m e r c e ,
t h e g r a d e s c h o o l T u r n In Y o u r P a r e n t s p r o g r a m , t h e s a c c h a r i n e v o i c e o f " B a r n e y " , t h e F a s h i o n
F a s c i s t s , t h e M T V - s t y l e h a m b u r g e r c o m m e r c i a l s , the D e n v e r B o o t , L i n e D a n c i n g , t h e P r o f e s s i o n a l
V i c t i m s , the F o o d F a s c i s t s , t h e S u p e r M a r i o B r o t h e r s , S t e v e n S p i e l b e r g , C h u c k E . C h e e s e , R o b e r t
D o l e , M i c k e y ' s T o o n t o w n , c u t e b o x e r s h o r t s w i t h " h i p " d e s i g n s , p e o p l e w h o s p e l l t h e i r n a m e s all in
lower-case letters, etc.
T h i s nation, this W O R L D is B L O A T E D and S W A Y I N G D R U N K E N L Y with the s t e n c h of Pinkness
on its b r e a t h . S o it i s n ' t Y O U R f a u l t if t h i n g s j u s t c o n t i n u e to g o m o r e and m o r e w r o n g until o n e
day you S N A P O U T OF IT and realize that there REALLY A R E billions of T O R M E N T E D S O U L S B U R N I N G
IN HELL, and YOU'RE ONE OF 'EM... T h a t l a s t , f r a n t i c , d y i n g s h r i e k o f y o u r s o u l g o i n g under w i l l
be t h e only sign t h a t y o u h a v e m a d e t h e t r a n s i t i o n i n t o t h e p e a c e f u l n e t h e r w o r l d o f b l i n k e r e d
Pink i n d i f f e r e n c e .


-The above item, an excerpt from Slang's 3foan H>tana;
forthcoming Simon & Schuster book, The Bob
Apocrophon, was pilfered from the SuhGenius
Metroplex by our agents in the wee hours of a rainy
March night. Quite an interesting tale, that...
It seems the team's Plan A of slipping payola
to the night watchman failed rather abruptly when
after some preparatory and ceremonial drinks were
consumed, our driver lost control of the limousine and
crashed right into the estate's guardhouse.
The guard keel fiauled us, er, our agents up
into a 37th floor office where, behind a locked door
they began to sweat out an interrogation. The guard,
having poured several mugs of coffee down hisguzzard
soon needed to return his rented drink. In his absence,
one nervous agent grabbed a computer disk. It hap­
pened to contain the above segment! What luck! And
with a quick call to Stang's harem, the Asylum agents
were identified and dismissed and told "Next time ring
the damned buzzer!"

e C a t a l o gsf
It was suggested in BATTERIES NOTINCLUDED#2 (see pg.
10) that these folks were a great source for truly unusual stroke flicks. They call it the "Ultimate Comics Catalogue" and why not?
Not being one to just take anyone's word for anything, I got a hold of the See Bostwick's reviews of some of their titles in the zines section, but
catalog myself. Henceforth, if the folks at BNI say it's night, I'll believe be advised that those are less than the beginning of a litany of comics-
ft even if t h e b l i n d i n g s u n is burning a hole in my retinas. mostly of the adult variety. No less than 35 of the covers of comix they
You know how membership or order forms have those "pep peddle show nekkid dicks ortrts or suggest some sort of sexual activity.
phrases" that are supposed to make you really wantwhatever crud is Titles like Freaks, Young Witches, The Art of Spanking, and Jizz are
being sold? Try these on for sighs: self-explanatory and are rounded out with stuff from classic underground
heroes like R. Crumb, Josh and Alan Friedman, Kim and Simon Deitch,
WANT KINKY Joe Coleman, and reprints of old stuff like Pogo, Popeye, and Prince
SHOVE HUGE Just as the Loompanics catalog has books by all the other
kook publishers, Fantagraphics has fringe comix by all the other fringe
WANT WILD OBJECTS UP THEIR comix publishers. Knowing this, what are you going to do, go to the mall
VIDEOS? PUSSY & A S S ? on a futile search? Fuckin' asshole.
•Ed Godard
PORTLAND OR 97208-3466

WANT TO SEE The short, thin catalog more than makes up for its lack of
CLUB NOW!! quantity with apparent quality. Quality oozes from the pages straight
VIDEOS ? onto the fingers of the eager beholder.
It seems that FERAL is the actual producer of its short list of
The titles and topics indicate in a hurry that they are mainly books. Although they don't come out and say "this is what we do", this
catering to the tastes of heterosexual men, which is fine. There are a seems to be the case since they go on and on describing each book in
few exceptions, but they really are few. Anyway, the titles can do more ways that only the PR arms of the publishers themselves do. No knock,
to prove that their flicks aren't the fluff one might find on cable or even though. We're talking about quality, man.
the regular, old in-out stuff. Observe: "Kinky Grandma". 'The Cum Eating The goods? Start with one Laird Wilcox, and his book Crying
Contest". "Male Slave". "Drink My Milk And Cum In My Mouth". "Shave Wolf: Hate Crime Hoaxes In America. A potential firebomb, if you ask
My Husband", 'Older Ladies Love Gang Bangs Too", efc. Name your me. What group would want to be exposed as one which cries wolf in
preference, fetish, or curiosity. Odds are, they have it. order to unfairly tarnish their ideological opponents? This book does
Never content with their current line-up of flicks, they seek such expose's. Wilcox's SPECTRUM (reviewed in AFSI # 1 . Break
amateur flashing videos (especially), and, get this, they pay $ 1 0 per down and buy a copy. It's just a lousy $2.50, postpaid even! Sheesh.
minute of flashing video! Need $600 in a jiffy? Why not have your Soon it'll be a collectors item and some scumbag will be selling 'em for
significant other drag out the vidcam for an hour? They aren't kidding like 10 bucks each. Don't say you weren't warned.) is as thorough and
when they say it's "better than a tax refund". After all, a tax refund is literally complete source of ALL political organization active in the US
the result of having overpaid the government and allowing it to earn today. Highly recommended and worth the $15 from Wilcox:
interest on your wages when you could have done the same! SPECTRUM/PO BOX 2047/OLATHE KS 66061.
Here's one thing I really like. They spend Page One laying the Editor Jim Keith's Secret And Suppressedwould be a veritable
cards on the table- as well they should! Shouldn't adults be able to have treasure trove to those who follow the conspiracy/mind control trail.
access to any sort of info and entertainment they might like to receive? Several topics, ranging from Jonestown, neo-Nazis, "actual" world
Shouldn't they also be informed of the dangers inherent in performing history, AIDS plots, and more are explored.
the acts depicted in the unprotected-ass-fucking entertainment they Josh Friedman's Tales Of Times Square tells all about the
might wish to purchase? The A&B folks do these things. I'd call it a sleaze and sex scene on the Square. I know I had reservations about
responsible exercising of freedom within a democratic system. prowling around the Square when I was last in NYC. I always like to get
Nonetheless, they aren 'tallowedXo sell videos to residents of the states foreign language porn- especially Oriental porn. Of course, my tastes
of Alabama, Utah, and Florida. I guess notions such as freedom and in porn are incredibly tame and casual as is shown by Friedman.
individual discretion are repugnant in these states. Ironic that this firm On the somewhat lighter side, Rudolph Grey's
operates in one of the very states they cannot sell within! What a sad, book Nightmare And Ecstasy covers the genius who gave
sad thing it is (see Florida commentary in our zine review section ). us the BadFilmclassic"Plan 9 FromOuter Space" and used
Obviously, you'll need an age statement to get the catalog. a walking freak show for the casts in his films (Vampira,
Criswell, Tor Johnson, etc.). Wood was everthe victim of 19
skimpy budgets and unreasonable time constraints which inevitably There are literally hundreds of images to suit any rubber
resulted in amazing displays of imagination and improvisation. Grey, stamping situation. Tired of writing, "FOR DEPOSIT ONLY" on the
if I'm not mistaken, has created some interesting instrumental sounds backs of checks? Need a better way to tell the Post Office not to squash
for New Alliance Records. Using the usual rock and roll instruments, your package? How's about a 'TREAT WITH RESPECT" stamp?
Grey created some truly interesting and occasionally annoying scree. Maybe you need a unique gift for a friend who is a car, train, airplane,
Well, there is plenty more from the likes of demented artist Joe animal, nature, country theme, etc., nut. Look no further, friend. They
Coleman, Satanist Anton LaVey, and others who may lack name can even suit custom orders. If you still aren't convinced, look around
recognition, buttheirtopics may grab you. They've got end-times stuff, this mag's pages. Several of the doodads we call art have come
unabashed hetero lust, an expose' of California's harsh juvenile courtesy Good Impressions. Prices are cheap to boot. Go to it.
offender system, and something they describe as "the most gruesome
religious document of all time" which features the art of Coleman, Peter
Bagge, Daniel Clowes, Savage Pencil, Crispin "Hellion" Glover, Mark
Mothersbaugh, Manson, Gacy, and others. SPACE AND TIME WORLD ENTERPRISES
Yikes! Kill for this catalog if they wont send one to you. Odds JOHN TRUBEE- SOLE PROPRIETOR
are you won't have to go through that much bother though. . PO BOX 4921

On any other day, I might have just picked out a few of

Trubee's tapes and reviewed them, but today I don't feel like leaving
PO BOX 1197
anything out. Mr. Trubee has been recording his stuff for some 20 years
now and if you listen to late night college radio, chances are you have
heard some of his things without knowing who the creep is.
Okay, so you've absorbed a whole bunch of this stuff and My first introduction to the "art" of John Trubee was via his
you've concluded, "I'd like to get mounds of this stuff". Fine, but where "Blind Man's Penis" 7" record. I saw an ad for it in Maximum RockNRoll,
to start? You may decide to just start at the beginning and write, write, institution that it is, about 10 years ago and knew instantly that I HAD
write until writer's cramp turns your arm into a pretzel. Others may say, to have that record. The guy read one of those "send yer lyrics and we'll
"the hell if I want all of those things... I just want this', and they'll write make a country music record" ads in the National Enquireror any other
for that. A few of you will conclude, "now that I've written to all of them, one of those sleazy grocery store tabloids, and decided to send
I sf/7/ need more". something truly offensive- just to see if they'd press it. Needless to say,
they did. The tinny, stock country twang was accompanied by a tinny,
What has this got to do with the Loompanics catalog? Well,
stock singer's twang, warbling stuff about UFOs, mama's titties,
no matter your desire for these sorts of items, Loompanics has oodles
tripping, and a blind man's hard-on. Over the years, Trubee has
of titles tackling more oodies of subjects to the extent that if you had
engaged in dozens of other noteworthy projects.
$1000 to piss away on books tomorrow, you'd probably still be about
$3000 short of getting everything you want. "Calls to Idiots" is a series of prank calls done mostly 10-20
Really. They have everything. The catalog is 280+ pages years ago. One fucked up sample appeared on the b-side of the "Blind
thick. Thick is the operative word, hence the cover price. Here's an Man's Penis" record. It was a prank on a motel desk clerk and wound
incredibly abridged list of topics entertained: counterfeiting, tax evasion, up with what sounded like Trubee blasting off in a spaceship. "The Mark
smuggling, privacy, survival, revenge, theft, hacking, picking locks, Knopfler Calls" tape is a crack-up. A guy calls people, mostly young
hand-to-hand combat, homemade weaponry, death, human sacrifice, women, and under the guise of the Dire Straits singer, tries to pickthem
dumpster diving, food, squatting, sex, drugs, religion, Satan, TV, film, up by offering them stuff. Other "celebrity" stuff includes the "Celebrity
mind expansion, plagiarism, science, health, UFOs, and goddamn, a Swearing" tape, which really captured the voices of notables going on
whole ton more. We've listed catalogs from other book houses and like normal human beings rather than in the presentational mode we
publ ishers and ALL OF TH El R STU FF seems to be sold by Loompanics usually get to see and hearthem in. You may be familiar with the Casey
too. If you like the idea of buying stuff all at once from one place, this Kasem bits from the ill-fated Negativland "U2" CD. Other voice tapes
is the place. include the "Whipped Dog Tape" (a whining man who sounds to Trubee
like a, well, whipped dog), the "Crying Bitch Tape" (you figger it out),
and the "Lucious Tate Calls". Some guy called a bunch of rural black
folk and fucked with them. Here's the interesting crux. Trubee makes
it ciear that he feels that there are some people who deserve such calls,
such as the wealthy, the white-collared, the gullible, the stupid, etc,
SHIRLEY WV 26434-0033
while there are others who don't, like the working poor, the blue-
collared, etc. He was interviewed in an article on the psychological
The staff had fun lining the pages of the first two issues with
effects of such activities in GRAY MATTERS magazine (Vol 2 No2.
clippings from turn of the century Sears catalogs. We just love the old
$3.50 to: PO Box 808 / Broomall PA 19008-0808).
graphic style. Photos were never used in those days. All depictions
came from the crusty hands of some old wood carver in the form of He was (is?) also involved in several bands over the years,
incredibly detailed woodcuts. Isn't it ironic that now that graphic artists perhaps the best known was the Ugly Janitors Of America, who
are armed with computers and don't have to go through all the trouble produced tapes with titles like "World Of Lying Pigs", "Oceanic Neon
of physical, mechanical processes the detailing in most publications is Turnpike". "Mister Shit Dies In Hell" (a live tape), "Strange Hippie Sex
as streamlined, and therefore, as bland as Knox gelatin. Carnival", efc. He's also done insane poetry in "Bullfrog Embryo". 'The
Last Dwarf Drops His Pants", and "What Will The Neighbors Think".
Praise the cottage industry! One look at the catalog is like
taking a trip back to the Gay '90s, and hurrah! If I ever am inclined to For the most part, it is the fan of the obnoxious and infantile
pay to have someone do my typesetting and layouts, these are the that will be delighted most by the Trubee collection. Good laughs at the
folks. Of course, I'd neverpay someone to do what I can expense of pathetic human beings. Mmmmmmmmmm.
^ ^ ^ ^ do, but man, it's a tempting proposition. They've really
|: | nailedthe spirit of an era here. What's more, you can have
OC\ every single image for your own use!
RRRECORDS And what the hell. Trotting out the latest RRR release is still
151 PAIGE ST a great way to clear the room of unwanted guests.

I remember my introduction to the worlds of the underground,

suppressed, scorned, etc., in the fondest light. My new oddball friends
and I were always so eager to prove to the squares how different we RRR is staging its' annual auction once again. They are
were. Shit. That was easy. In my Catholic high school setting (all-male offering about 1000 titles of things found in their regular catalog as well
forayear), I was surrounded by wanna-be doctors, lawyers, accountants- as long gone stuff. Other items are rarities, personalized, and out of
you know, cannon fodder. It was like trying to be more alive than a print, t's a pretty mind blowing list. Auction ends May 1,1994, so hurry
rotted corpse. Amongst one another, the competition was downright if interested. Send a large SASE. Two 29-cent stamps would do.
s e r i o u s . The contest for status among a bunch of freaks seeking
upward mobility can be as gruesome and vicious as the scramble
between to Naval officers vyingforthe last piece of Tailhooktail. When INTERNATIONAL UFO CENTER
ever I wanted to win the "I listen to t h e weirdest music" contest, all I had P O B O X 691388
to do was trot out the latest RRR release. One minute of the PGR, ORLANDO FL 32869
Merzbow, or Emil Beaulieau records would have my punk rock friends
writhing in agony, begging me to turn the "noise" off. "Memories''... What had been a retail store in the land of fairy tales and
Those were RRR's early days. They just marked their 10th cartoons has been reduced to a mail order outfit by a landlord who saw
anniversary with a great double CD set (see review elsewhere) and fit to double to rent on short notice. That's a shame, since Orlando
recently reached release number 100, which they celebrated with a 7" could use at least one retailer that deals less with fiction than with fact.
record which had tiny snippets of sound, each followed with a locked What the heck, all the goodies are still available via this swell
groove! It was annoying as hell to try to listen to, but made for great catalog. There is a wide array of "regular" stuff like trading cards and
radio. These days, RRR's offerings of stuff put out by other record T-shirts bearing messages like "my other car is a UFO" and "UFOs are
labels absolutely dwarfs the list of their own goods. Specialty type real- ask NASA" and nifty saucer rubber stamps. Nearly 100 related
labels from around the globe like Silent, Banned, Charnal House, book and video titles are offered with a few prophecy type titles for sale
Stomach Ache, Bvhaast/Mantra, United Dairies, Extreme, Cold Meat as well. Top of the heap, though, is the list of innovative UFO worship
Industry and dozens more are represented. All formats, vinyl, cassettes, items. I've hunted garage sales and flea markets high and low, and
CDs, videos, etc. are available. The common denominator is style. It's have never stumbled across ceramic UFO night lights, table lamps,
often rather adventurous, much is quite abrasive, some is virtually wind chimes, alien busts, neckties, refrigerator magnets, and perhaps
unlistenable, but none is perfectly average, pretty, or quaint. If you best of all, the book ends. Book ends? What's so hot about book ends?
really want something that is out there or extreme, don't fuck around Well, they're ceramic and depict a UFO crash scene with little d e a d
with pussyfooting Satanic heavy metal. That stuff would probably a l i e n s scattered all about the ceramic landscape!
strike the RRR folks in the same manner as a Billy Joel CD would strike For those who are serious about the decor of their shrine
the metal dudes. room, consider yourself pointed in the proper direction.

U n l i m i t e d
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packed with over 800 of the most con- •
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add 7.9% sales tax.
City/State/Zip BOX 333
C A 96073
"Are YOB ready for the Rnbberinlion?"
Crapitalists hope you never see the
Marksist Stampifesto. They want to keep
pouring their crap into the right side of
your brain through the funnels of the
Trojan Tube and their camellian slic pic
McMags. The Stampifesto shows how
you cart foil their schemes and strike out
on your own. You will be able to make
your mark on practically anything and
everything that crosses yoUr path. Your
place in the glorious Rubberlution is
waiting, no one else can fill it for you.
Procure your Free Copy of the Marksist
Stampifesto today, it will not bore or put
you to sleep, true liberation can be highly
stimulating. Why wait another moment,
just write to: Good Impressions, P.O.Box
33.S-I, Shirley, WV 26434 and find out
what it's all about. Include your name
and address, a first class stamp to speed it
on its way, and tell them that Boris sent



These locals don't have a store, per se. What they have is a
mail order vid rental service, which is a great concept, especially if
saddled in Cornstalk, Iowa. I mean, would you wanna make the mind
numbing trekfrom Iowa to suburban Cleveland? Of course not. Don't
be silly, tough guy. GAMBITS SPRAY
The catalog lists all those great horror, exploitation, curt, efc,
flicks that you thought only existed in the minds of the editors of zines
exist and you can have them mailed to you!
Check out some off the titles: "Bloodthirsty Butchers". "Blood
Diner", "Cannibal Holocaust", 'Chopper Chicks In Zombietown". THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW EXISTED
"Exorcismo Negro", "Nail Gun Massacre". "A Polish Vampire InBurbank", JOHNSON SMITH CO
"Basic Autopsy Procedure". 'The Sex and Violence Family Hour". 4514 19TH STCT E
"Images of the Convent". "Entrails of the Virgin", efc. If you seek films BOX 25500
fromcertain directors, they have stuff from Ed Wood, Herschell Gordon BRADENTON FL 34206-5500
Lewis, Lucio Fulci, Jess Franco, etal. I always go for the Asian sleaze $2
and they have plenty. Next time you throw a party, rent a few of these
instead of letting MTV run all night, ok? A better name would be 'Things You Forgot Existed". A quick
One catch is that you must have a credit card or plunk down flip through these pages causes instant deja vu, bringing to mind those
a deposit. Can't blame them for it though. I wouldn't be found sending pages of cheap ads on all the comics I read as a little kid. I'm not talking
my stash of cool vids across the planet without some means of covering about those "sell seeds! make money! win prizes!" ads, but the ones
my ass. Rent three at a time at the seemingly high cost of that sell the cigarette through coin trick, the two-headed nickel, those
$6 each, but shit. If you have friends overto watch, you can cheesy x-ray glasses, exploding golf balls, bald head masks, itching
have them chip in, and besides, you'll probably just hook po wder,and mountains of otherperfectly worthless, tacky, yet irresistable
up the second VCR and dub a copy anyhow. Where else junk. Yuks and gee-gaws and nothing else.
can you rent these suckers, huh, smart guy? -EdGodard
Readings in Paralel Studies #1
Alternative Biologies
No doubt moit o/ you wlto nam lead tke journal of tke
Dnitilute jo* Parallel Studi&i know- thai it wai. not hyfoDitUe fait
UtetaHy exploration of alternate wotldi. 9a fact, tltU theme Itai
a*owu in popuUvuty of late in the Science Miction community.
by Dr. Ahmed Fishmonger
Aaain and aaain we UeaA. aJtout the Confederacy winning YIIK N E A R C T I C RRAI.M

the Civil Ilia*., Napoleon winnina at lOatetloo ai Kennedy

eicapina ai&atUuation, and make no mistake, iome of tkeie
itoMei. ate oety ent&itaiuina. Jfawetm., iome WitteM, nam taken
upon tkemleloei. tAe iliaktly different talk of •Le'uUna up.
alternative oioloaiei. IttU toauitoi a tkatouak and Maotoui
iackfAattnd in icience lotU to unite and to Head ai. well ai to
comp/iekend. 9tUa few of tkoie wkick we will dUcuii today.
S o u p ! Diion, who gave us toe remarkable "After Man: a Zooloyr of
the Future", also produced a peculiar alternative view of our own time. In the
"jew Dinosaurs: an Alternative Evolution* (Salem House, $19.95), we are asked
to imagine that no great K/T (Cretaceous/Tertiary) event took place
resulting in a p a t extinction 85 million years ago. The result? Mammals <i LLVsprintosaurs L-*
remain in the zoological background while the dinosaurs continue to evolve HLILLLLLL-JLUKBILLWI LLLLIO

through the climactic changes of the Cenozoic Era filling all of the ecological A ULLJIIVLI'IY LII[K.-D:IL ILIL*

niches occupied in our reality by birds and mammals. In many cases the THEY EVI>1VEIL INTO THE PLILIUV

resemblance is startling. The Monocorn, although a certopsian dinosaur, IXV.IINEO MIPLEIEK

I ( U : I I L N I ) X T H I L TEL. T H E LES-

RHLTT'lllr:LLL-LL 111 11 It"

E I L H E F I O N S L U M P <IR L U . I


I I K M I I . S I H . I T I T S M ' S ;IRV MILL
I I I N N V I L L V L O I - L NL'LHI- I I I M - -

; I M L I L , Y R . I V » I I K ' I - * IT . . W I L L I " ,
K T V P ; I N v\y • ' P I ' I I I'"' IFUNJK'R

small dinosaur. The Lank, come to fit into the

W of a giraffe. The gl imewhat
sparse text show these animals even t o have similar to their
counterparts on the real world. Although this is a y pretty

y , presentation, it does not show the wild ii some of the ether

•/•. L U M L I L T I C I I L M . I M I R
ILU- bulk** I NM I | , S . I N V

•1,1 . . . . N I H I . F L K -
l -lilt- I U N U L ' S N I - ^ r i

;»lnl.h illlWfttj
"Parallel Botany" by Leo Lionni ($12.93 Knopf) is almost too strange to fathom. This incredibly detailed volume deals with an entirely unknown
living Kingdom which is, at least partly, hyper dimensional. The Parallel Plants look only vapely plant like. That is, they look more like plants than they do
anything else. They are as often as not completely insubstantial, although those which have substance can have it in all degrees- from those that will
crumbletonotbinpess if looked attoohard,tothose which cannot be penetrated by any method knowntoscience. Even the names of the plants are v a p e in
meaning, but somehow suggestive. The i'mimlt the Molars, the Solea, and the kfimm all hanging in the hinterlands of reality. The publisher has
labeled this book as "satire", but satire of what in particular is also unclear. Perhaps it is satire of the academia of the scientific commnnity, or perhaps of
nature itself. What I think makes this book the best of the lot is that you will know no more about the subject when yon put it down as when you picked it up,
thus making it one of the wonderous mysteries of the required readings for the parallel scientist.

P L . X X J J The Cadriano germinants



One of toe most notable b o o b of parabiology is T h e Snorters" by Harald Stompke. a. k. a. Gerolf Steiner (University of Chicago Press $7.95).
In this amazing work, we are introduced to
These obscure beasts are characterized
There are
even !hcaptun
can find i
copy of this book, get i t Itfsapodie. Tt up U.-31 r. I - Tin. d i p is a patient animal
andsiisliy i h e p o o l s o l
PANGALOON mountain waterfalls waiting fin
iisli. it is able in fudge iis
Fltttnmtm ttibnrvstm
distance from its target despite
An interesting e x a m p l e o f the re-evolution o f features o n c e the di.iti irting effect of (he
lost, ;irises in the case o f the punftaioun. Its bodv is covered in Water, and darts its kmji head
scales, but these are not the conventional reptilian scales thai downwards, cleaving the
w e r e possessed by its archosaurian ancestors 200 million water and pinning the
years ago. These scales arc actually plates of fused hairs. The slippery lisli between
original scales w e r e retained as the archosaur evolved into its mam' sham teeth.
the primitive ctwlurasuur dinosaur. T h e n , ai the a i e h i r o n u r
Nasdbema \ d e v e l o p e d and evolved into die warm-blooded arbrosaur, the

lyricum scales evplvcd into insulating fur.

Tile pangaloan, w h i c h is evolved from an arbrosaur that
has reverted to a ground-dwelling way of life, has rede­
v e l o p ! a scaly armour front masses of fur fused together Its
ground-dwelling habit evolved as the ants flourished and
b e c a m e widespread in the early part of the Tertian' period. As-
the ants evolved then s o did the ant-eating adaptations of
animals like ilie pangalixm. Tlie typical, long toothy jaws of
the arbrosaur have b e e n replaced, In the pangaloon, by a
tubular snout, along which lies a long sticky t o n g u e dial can
lie thrust o m to a disianccgreater than the length of the head.
It can push its snout d o w n ant burrows and lap up the ants
that adhere to ilie tongue's stickiness. The m i d d l e claw of the
lorelimh has d e v e l o p e d into a strong hook' that can tear into
ants' nesis to e x p o s e their tunnels and chambers. The nostrils
are high up o n the face and can lie c l o s e d for protection.

t h e p a n g a l o a n has

extends inn mm burrows Ike

dense scaly armour i if the
pangaloon is not :i protection
against ani.s Inn guards agauiM
attacks [iy prcdali iry reptiles
ilial Jive on tlk.'lro[ ileal finest
tioor. Ilie pntigaloon is a .slow
moving animal and unlike lis
relatives, ii lannm lake refuge
in lives- When it ts threatened,
ilk- pangaloon mit curl the
|iail<lle-sh:ipeil tail I h) beneath
its body to protect its soft
FLATS X itmlerpanslrm tithe stings aih!
hillng jaws ol the large aiils.
f t
I'm anything b u t an expert computer user. I All the user need is a computer, a modem,
bumble around and waste time like it's going out of communications software, and a phone line. To
style. Even still, I can handily find my way around the register with the Cleveland (and recently, Dayton's)
InterNet system which links several of the FreeNet FreeNet, I dialed the number and logged on as a
systems. visitor when prompted. From there I requested
FreeNets are generally operated by universities permission to register as a user. They will send (or
because they can afford to do so for free. Ah, the you can print out) user info and waiver forms. Both
occasional benefits of pork barrel funding for the are to certify age at 18+ to grant access to all free
common joe. These FreeNets are quite seperate speech areas, and user data that could be used to
from the commercial services such as CompuServe represent part of their experiment. Just guessing. I
or America On-Line, which charge monthly user fees do know that some FreeNets are more interested in
as well as fees for special services. Because I can't accomodating their own communities. Therefore, it
really afford to subscribe to any of those services, I may be advisable to concoct an affiliation with the
use the FreeNet set up by Case Western Reserve host university, if necessary.
University just outside of Cleveland. The world of Until accepted as a registered user, one can
information contained herein is so vast and ever- log-on as a visitor and be able to read many of the
expanding, I'm not sure I would subscribe even if I newsgroups and bulletin boards, but contibute to and
could afford to since so much is just waiting to be none of them nor send or receive electronic mail.
tapped like sap from the maple tree in the backyard. About two weeks after sending forms, I was registered
and granted full access to the system.

#4.6, 7 and 8 - $3.00 each
#1, 2, 3 and 5 - OUT OF PRINTISORRYI



The InterNet, short for International Network, FREENETS
is just one of the avenues found with in most FreeNets.
In addition to the InterNet, most offer access to local Cleveland (OH) FreeNet 216-368-3888
library catalogs, local bulletin boards, multi-user Lorain County (OH) FreeNet 216-366-9721
conversation areas (hi-tech party lines), electronic Medina County (OH) FreeNet 216-723-6732
mail services, connections to other FreeNets even, Youngstown (OH) FreeNet 216-742-3072
and a host of other options. I like to go straight for the Tri-State OnLine (Cincinnati, OH) 606-781-5575
Usenet bulletin boards in the FreeNet system. Dayton (OH) FreeNet 513-229-4373
Usenet has a series of initial classifications the Great Lakes (Battle Creek Ml) 616-969-4536
user may choose from. The "alt" newsgroup is the National Capital FreeNet (Ottawa, O N T ) 613-780-3733
one that houses many of my favorite free-for-all Buffalo (NY) FreeNet 716-645-6128
discussion groups... like: Ocean State (Providence Rl) 401-831-4640
Heartland FreeNet (Peoria, IL) 309-674-1100
PrairieNet (Champaign-Urbana IL) 217-255-9000
ALT.ABTRICTTON Mtmanim Columbia (MO) Online Info N e t w o r k 314-884-7000
ALT.BARNEP Ozark Regional (Springfield MO) 417-869-6100
Denver (CO) FreeNet 303-270-4865
ALT.BBS; Talahassee (FL) FreeNet 904-488-5056
ALT.BINARP.PFCG Rio Grande (El Paso, TX) 915-775-5600
ALT.CONSPTRACP Victoria (BC) FreeNet 604-595-2300
Big Sky (MT) Telegraph 406-683-7600
ALT.FLAME CIAO (Trail, BC) 604-368-5764
ALT.TIOOFCS Erlangen-Nuernberg (Germany)+49-9131-85-8111
Wellington City Network (NZ) +64-4-801-3060
ALT.MITSIC Several m o r e cities h a v e F r e e N e t s set up, but are only
accessible via the Nets a b o v e . T o c o n n e c t with t h e m , you use
the e-mail a d d r e s s of t h e F r e e N e t s below. W e contacted
Lots of t h e m a r e nice for pretty practical stuff like... My
several of t h e m o d e r a t o r s of t h e s e N e t s , a n d they've ALL
preference b e i n g w h a t it is, I like to go for the kook stuff.
indicated a d e s i r e to a c q u i r e their o w n direct dial lines. Many are
in t h e process of d o i n g s o . Stay t u n e d ! A direct-dial FreeNet in
Be advised: R e a d i n g t h e m a t e r i a l o n t h e U s e n e t c a n
your area c o d e = f r e e a c c e s s !
b e h a z a r d o u s t o y o u r h e a l t h . T h e S u r g e o n General h a s noted
the extreme wasting of time and energy by the silly bozos who
A k r o n ( O H ) R e g i o n a l FreeNet... Capital Region (Albany NY)
allow themselves to be completely taken by the discussion
Information Service... N e w M e x i c o (Albuquerque) Free-et...
contained within. N e v e r m i n d t h e d a m a g e peering at a screen
Anchornet (Anchorage AK)... 4 0 4 FreeNet (Atlanta GA)... Austin
will d o t o y o u r retinas, s m a r t i e . T a k i n g this stuff seriously will
(TX) FreeNet... Baton R o u g e (LA) Free-Net... FreeNet Bayreuth
drive y o u b a n a n a s . T h e n a g a i n , if y o u ' v e read this far a n d
(Germany)... Lehigh Valley ( B e t h l e h e m PA) FreeNet...Calgary
haven't b l o w n a gasget, you'll probably be O K .
(AB) FreeNet... C a n t o n (OH) FreeNet... C a p e Breton (NS)
FreeNet... S h a w n e e (Carbondale, IL) FreeNet... Triangle (Chapel
T h e following is a list of FreeNets. Hopefully, o n e is
Hill NC) FreeNet... Charlotte's (NC) W e b . . . Midnet (Columbia
within y o u r a r e a c o d e . A g a i n , t h e h o o k u p is generally free- I've
SC)... North T e x a s (Dallas) FreeNet... Davis (CA) FreeNet...
yet t o hear of a F r e e N e t that c h a r g e s a n y sort of f e e s at all; the
Greater Detroit FreeNet... C o m m u n i t y Service N e t w o r k (Easton
only e x p e n s e will b e t h e cost of t h e p h o n e call. I'm lucky e n o u g h
MD>... E d m o n t o n (AB) FreeNet... Fairfield (IO) FreeNet... Seflin
to have the C l e v e l a n d FreeNet fall within t h e range of a local call.
(Ft Lauderdale FL) FreeNet... Tarrant C o u n t y (TX) FreeNet...
My only cost is m y t i m e a n d electricity. I'm getting better at
M a i n e (Freeport) FreeNet... G r a n d R a p i d s (Ml) FreeNet...
reducing t h e t i m e expenditure. Really.
Michiana (Granger IN) FreeNet... G r e e n e t (Greenville SC)...
I n fact, after a f e w u s e s , it isn't hard t o hone the skills of G r e e n c o N e t ( G r e e n w o o d S C ) . . . C h e b u c t o ( H a l i f a x NS)
t h e hunt. T h a t w o u l d b e neither h e r e nor there if y o u lacked the FreeNet... C P B I ( H a r t f o r d CT) FreeNet... Finland (Helsinki)
phone n u m b e r of the FreeNet nearest to y o u . Here is a list of a s FreeNet... T h e A l o h a (Honolulu HI) FreeNet Project... Houston
many FreeNets as w e c o u l d muster up. W e know that more Civnet... T e n n e s s e e Valley (Huntsville A L ) FreeNet... Lima
exist. Please e-mail us with t h e n u m b e r of any FreeNet or (OH) FreeNet... Greater Pulaski (Little R o c k A R )
interesting private (yet free) bulletin b o a r d that y o u know of at: FreeNet... Los A n g e l e s FreeNet... M e l b o u r n e (AUS)
e e 6 6 2 @ c l e v e i a n d . f r e e n e t . e d u . In fact, please forward any FreeNet... Miami FreeNet... T w i n (MN) Cities
information y o u might want to that y o u think might b e of interest
or of use, like M I A s , k o o k literature sources, net.nuts, etc.
FreeNet... FreeNet D u M o n t r e a l . . . N e w O r l e a n s
FreeNet... M e d b o r g a r n a s ( N o r r k o p i n g S w e d e n ) . . .
Article #860 (940 is last): KIBOZERS
Newsgroups: altusenet.kooks
From: (Bruce Ediger)
Date: Sat Feb 12 18:00:24 1994
J a m e s "Kibo" P a r r y Responds t o v i r t u a l l y any
This FAQ is a partial enumeration of net.entities that are generally considered to be m e n t i o n o f h i s Name, U s e n e t -
"netloons" of one sort or another. It is an enumeration because actual criteria for wide. Also apparently looks for clever variations
describing and predicting looniness have not been discovered or agreed upon. o n h i s Name. Uses t h e "agrep" u n i x u t i l i t y .
Peter Trei Responds t o any mention of a
This FAQ does not shy away from sticky issues like "MY OS is better than your OS", f e w k e y w o r d s , l i k e "Mason" o r
unlike some other FAQs we could mention. It concentrates on four different types of "Illuminati", Usenet-wide.
netloons: S e a r c h t o o l ( s ) u s e d unknown.
Larry Wall Responds t o most mentions o f
Single Issue Ideologues - grind their axe into dust. "perl", U s e n e t - w i d e . Uses p e r l
p r o g r a m named " c l i p " .
Kibozers - use automated tools to seek out and respond to certain key phrases or Serdar Argic Responds t o mentions of
words. "Turkey" ( " T u r k i y e ' ) ,
" A r m e n i a " , " C y p r u s " a n d h i s / h e r / i t s / t h e i r own name.
Crack-of-all-Trades- entities that advocate a baffling and inconsistent array of ideas. L o o k s i n s e l e c t e d n e w s g r o u p s . S e a r c h t o o l unknown.

Flame Baiters - Entities that solely and only post "flame bait", off-topic extremely O t h e r e n t i t i e s t h a t may K i b o z e , b u t d o n ' t g i v e
flamable and controversial material. enough e v i d e n c e f o r more t h a n mere s u s p i c i o n a r e :

There is some overlap pf the categories. "Serdar Argic" has a narrow range of ideas US G o v e r n m e n t ' s N a t i o n a l S e c u r i t y A g e n c y
he/she/it/they post about endlessly, and also appears to use automated tools to find D e n n i s M R i t c h i e , o n e o f t h e c o - c r e a t o r s o f UNIX
articles to follow-up. operating system.
Roy B Radow, o n e o f NAMBLA's o f f i c i a l s p o k e s m e n .
Robert ,E. McElwaine Amazing amounts o f d r i v e l ,
Gary Stollman R e p l i c a n t s a r e t a k i n g o v e r t h e w o r l d . No posted one-at-a-time.
l o n g e r a c t i v e , may h a v e b e e n r e p l i c a t e d . Mikhail Zeleny Something incomprehensible but
Serdar Argic Armenians k i l l e d 2 . 5 m i l l i o n Turks and very vehement.
Kurds, 1 9 1 4 - 1 9 2 0 . John Winston A s u r r e a l c o m e d i a n . Tends t o
David Davidian Turks k i l l e d 1 . 5 m i l l i o n Armenians and a c o n c e n t r a t e on
bunch o f Kurds. " p a r a p s y c h o l o g y " a n d UFOs.
C. J . L a s n e r A s s e m b l y l a n g u a g e p r o g r a m m i n g i s Good a n d Ludwig Plutonium R i d i c u l o u s s t u f f , a l l slammed
Necessary. t o g e t h e r under t h e rubric
Phil Hallam-Baker You s h o u l d W o r s h i p DEC s o f t w a r e / h a r d w a r e / " P l u t o n i u m Atom T o t a l i t y "
Unix s u x .
Ted H o i d e n The E a r t h w a s o n c e a moon o f S a t u r n . FLAME BAITERS:
Herman R u b i n Modern p r o g r a m m i n g l a n g u a g e s a r e n ' t w h a t
I need.
J. G i l e s The C programming l a n g u a g e i s o n e h u g e D a n i e l J Karnes Rants about e v i l s of
. mistake. homosexuality in off-topic
Masataka Ohta . Window s y s t e m s a n d s h a r e d l i b r a r i e s a r e newsgroups.
useless. Melvin Gladstone Concentrates on o n - t o p i c , y e t
Jack Schmidling The US g o v e r n m e n t a n d m e d i a a r e c o n t r o l l e d extrememly s t u p i d , i d e a s .
by Z i o n i s t s .
C l a y t o n Cramer A l l homosexuals i m p l i c i t l y support c h i l d Peter Trei's own criteria for netnuthood:
Nick Szabo Humanity i s t h r e a t e n e d w i t h imminent Has a c a u s e Only o n e t o p i c i s o f i n t e r e s t .
population implosion. Maintains presence Doesn't shirk the task. Posts
Alexander Abian Time h a s I n e r t i a . spontaneously a t frequent
Arthur S c r i b n e r A r i s t o t l e was a n E g y p t i a n , and was b l a c k . intervals, or reliably
E. A l a n I d l e r B o y s o v e r 5 y e a r s s h o u l d n o t s l e e p i n same responds t o others.
bedroom o r t h e y w i l l g o t o h e l l . Repetition You c a n p r e d i c t t h e c o n t e n t s
Jack S a r f a t t i T h e r e m u s t b e s o m e way t o u s e q u a n t u m of h i s / h e r p o s t s before .
mechanics for f a s t e r - t h a n - l i g h t r e a d i n g t h e m . May e v e n u s e
communication. canned f i l e s .
Robert Bernecky APL o n IBM S / 3 7 0 b e a t s t h e p a n t s o f f Unpopularity Most o f t h e a u d i e n c e d i s a g r e e s
anything e l s e . with t h e poster, or doesn't
Chak Ho Some w e i r d n e s s a b o u t C h i n a a n d Hong g i v e a damn.
Hannu P o r o p u d a s Space P o t a t o , daughter i s a prophet of
Snarfy To me, the nuttiest thing about the Net is the enormous
Newtonian g r a v i t y theory i s f a l s e .
Actually retracted his pathetically amounts of time certain individuals have to devote to fucking
absurd statements. around. Moreover, a considerable percentage of these people
Ralph T a i t e A b o r t i o n i s murder. are on company time! Makes me wonder if they would be so
David s t e r n l i g h t ' PGP i s B a d . A u t h o r i t i e s h a v e willing to kill 6-hour blocks of time so happily if they were at home
28 your b e s t i n t e r e s t a t heart. and weren't required to position themselves before a monitor for
the sake of appearances...
First message is #42569, last message is #44101

43246. Re: Exposing Gannon's Lies: LIAR file grows!

43247. Re: ABC Documentary 2/2/94
43248. Re: Conspiracy for the Day — February 3, 1994
43250. Re: Groom Lake Scandal I
** 43252. Re: Exposing Gannon's Lies (was: THE WORLD WAR I JEWISH "HOLOCA
43253. Re: ABC Documentary 2/2/94
43254. Re: David Koresh Crucified by the New Rome
43255. Re: BATF intent on 2/28?
43256. Re: BATF intent on 2/28?
43257. Re: Would this work? (from cartoon)
43258. Re: Bowery Watch

c = Contribute a new message

n = Read next unread message
s = Read next unread message with same subject
h = Help, list of additional commands
q = Quit

Enter Command: =

First message is #42569, last message is #44101

43258. Re: Bowery Watch

43259. Re: Bowery Watch
43260. Re: Maybe Lennon and Zappa Were Assassinated to Preempt Populis
43263. Re: Observation
" 43264. Statement 220
43265. Gannon Caught Lying - Again
43266. Re: Definition of "cult"
43267. Re: Statement 220
43269. Re: New Show [Bablyon 5]
43270. Re: Sticks, Stones, and Belief (was Re: Creation is a fact)

c = Contribute a new message

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Enter C o m m a n d : 4 3 2 6 8

Article # 4 3 2 6 8 (44101 is last):

N e w s g r o u p s : talk.bizarre,alt.tasteless,alt.conspiracy,alt.religion.kibology
From: a n 3 8 1 1 5 @ a n o n . p e n e t . f i ( C h e l s e a Clinton)
Subject: A D V E N T U R E S O F S O C K S , M Y C A T
Date: T h u , 3 Feb 1994 2 0 : 1 1 : 2 4 U T C

Last night I w a s h a n g i n g a r o u n d in the Oval Office a s usual, w h e n a rumbling in m y lower intestine informed m e that deadly
miasmal g a s e s w e r e a b o u t to solicit permission to e s c a p e . So, with difficulty, I p e r s u a d e d S o c k s t h e f a m o u s cat t o settle d o w n for
a nap o n m y lap. W i t h difficulty, I say, b e c a u s e S o c k s has h a d s o m e experiences at m y h a n d s w h i c h he, let us say, did not know how
to appreciate.
But I digress. S o S o c k s luxuriates in profound slumber, while I stealthily, with t h e control that y e a r s in t h e public e y e — a n d
nose, a s it w e r e — h a s c o m p e l l e d m e t o d e v e l o p , I permit t h e frightful g a s e o u s contents of my r e c t u m t o leak out into the atmosphere.
But no r e s p o n s e ! I panic: c o u l d S o c k s h a v e died? W h o knows h o w m u c h sulphurous d i s c h a r g e suffices t o extinguish the life of a
mere c a t ? I s e e m y D a d ' s political life p a s s before m y e y e s ; I s e e the headline in the Post: "First C a t Killed b y A n a l Discharge: Chelsea
to b e t e s t e d . " I s e e t h e lesser n e w s p a p e r s : " C H E L S E A F A R T S U P A S T O R M . " A l a s , what will t h e Safire-Dole c a b a l make of this?
T o m y vast relief, h o w e v e r , S o c k s ' h e a d s n a p p e d up, a n d he b o u n d e d a w a y , his fur standing o n e n d , w h i c h I take to be a
testimonial t o t h e quality of t h e W h i t e H o u s e f o o d . Unluckily, however, the V P took this o c c a s i o n t o enter, a s is his c u s t o m ,
without k n o c k i n g ; a n d I m a y say that his pretense of falling to t h e floor unconscious w a s in the worst p o s s i b l e t a s t e . I must * •
say that Mr G o r e is by no m e a n s t h e perfect g e n t l e m a n w h o m a d e l u d e d public takes h i m to b e . Let that p a s s , however. Q Q
In the following sample, we find two incorridgibles engaging in "flaming" Or the idiots who hog the ATM while they fill out their
activities. In this case, Karen Prestemon originally posted a message, noted by deposit slips and endorse their checks and seal the
the ">" before each line of her text, which was followed-up by Geoff Miller. envelopes, when they could've kept a supply of ATM
Note that as of Feb 8, there were nearly 50,000 messages posted to this envelopes in the glove compartment of their car — like
newsgroup. Also, The Net is kind enough to display the e-mail address -and often _I_ do — and gotten everything filled out and sealed
names- of individuals who post messages, unless they make the effort to "cover before they even _approached_ the sonofabitching
their trails ". Even if the reader cannot instantly discern the source, the option to automatic teller. While sitting in the comfort and
reply directly to the author of any posting exists. What fun! safety of their cars, no less.
Yeah, Karen, I know people like you, alright: self-
centered screwheads who have to have every little thing
Article #46650 (47761 is last): _their way_, and who are completely oblivious to the fact
Newsgroups:,alt tasteless,alt.flame that there are other people in the world besides th'em.
From: (Geoff Miller) You ought to be ashamed of yourself, you know that? I'm
Subject: Have It Your Way At McD terribly sorry to have to be the one to slam your clueless
Date: Tue Feb 8 23:29:20 1994 shicken-neck in the dresser drawer of reality, but there
it fucking is. (Karen Prestemon) writes: The next time you go to McDonalds, just take the goddam
food the way it comes off the friggin production line.
>Based on some of the articles you have posted to other That guy in line behind you doing the slow burn just might
>groups, you strike me as being a selfish prick. be _me_, and believe me, you don't want to play the part
of the proverbial last straw. I could have you running
Based on the article *you've* posted *here*, you strike me from the goddam restaurant in tears, your food and
as being one clueless cunt. appetite long forgotten in the burning agony of your very
public humiliation. You wouldn't dare show your face
>What is the longest amount of time you have ever had to >wait in that restaurant again as long as you lived. Hell,
in line at a McDonald's? Ten minutes? An hour? A >week? just riding past the place, you'd probably react like
Six months? I find it hard to believe that you >have ever the young Damien during the church scene in the first
been so inconvenienced waiting at McDonald's >that you have Omen movie.
ever lost a job or loved one over it.
Believe me, I'm not the only one of my kind. Not close!
Is that what it'd take for you to consider the delay
significant? If so, then it seems _you're_ the selfish one, We're Out There Karen, and we're watching _you_! See
my dear. those people in line behind you? Any one of them could
crack without warning, at any moment. Society has just
>What are you calling an unreasonable amount of time, and about had a bellyful of this "Me Generation" horseshit,
>are custom orders really responsible for your problems? you understand?

Any length of time whatsoever that I spend in line as a result

of other people's dicking around, beyond whatever length of >Yeah, I am so selfish. I gave up my body for 9 months
time I'd have stood in line _without_ said dicking around, >to have a baby and 6 to lactate. I wish I could be like
is unreasonable. Custom orders aren't the only possible >you.
reason for a delay at a fast food joint, but they're certainly
_a_ possible reason, and as such are as worthy of Isn't it interesting the way people try to use parenthood
condemnation as any others. as some kind of existential trump card, now that it's
all the rage in this country to demonstrate one's suavity
You remind me of the assholes you drive 55 in the fast lane by shitting out kids like a welfare mother?
with traffic piling up behind them. It doesn't matter to
them that they're delaying other people, because — humph! Boo fucking hoo. I' ve got news for you, Karen: you aren' t
- *they're* certainly driving fast enough, and why are those exactly the first broad in the world to drop a leaky
silly people in such a hurry, anyway? meatloaf, so don't _even_ try to act like you'.re
something special because of it.
Or the women in the supermarket who write checks for $3.11
—•and don't even take their goddam checkbooks out of their
purses until the total has been rung on the' cash register,
when they could've at least filled in everything but the
amount while they stood there waiting, instead of staring Geoff
vacantly into space and scratching the crack of their ass
through their pastel stretch pants. With other people
waiting in line behind them.
Geoff Miller + + + + + + + + Mountain View
Or the doddering old fuckheads who slowly and solemnly count + DoD #0996 + California
out nickles and dimes to pay for their purchases, instead
of simply tossing the clerk a twenty and getting End of File, Press RETURN to quit
......... ,| the hell out of the way of those of us who actually
have more important things to do with what's left
hJ\J of our lives than watch daytime TV and walk to the
supermarket for cottage cheese and light bulbs.
First message is #1372, last message is #1965

. Re: Cobain, Rooney, Mclaughlin

. Re: Kurdt Cobain was in pain. • *
Re: NEVERMIND CD with no "hidden track"
Nirvana's Last Show - On CD!
1473. Re: Eddie Vedder did it!
another view of Cobain's legacy!
Searching for dreams about Kurt
About Kurt Cobain sightings...
Re: Krist & Dave's future
Re: JFK, Lennon, Cobain.
Re: film that killed Cobain J t l 5 T
Let Cobain Die
Re: 2nd Gunman Theory? (was Re: Cobain Murdered???)
Re: lyrics - Bleach 4
Re: Request: Lyrics to "Come as you are' ^AS $l sMitel
Ain't feelin' 2 good
Re: kurt's suicide note???
1507, Profiteering Bastard
. Kurt Cobain was a great man..a role model to us all!
. WANTED ($$$): Tapes of MTV, E! & network coverage of suicide
. Stop beating a dead Kurdt (I mean horse)
. dreams about Kurt
. Re: kusrt cobunk was a loser
. Re: Nirvana Re-Run On SNL Next Saturday.
. Kurt Cobain and Neil Young's music
. Mr. Kurt- He dead 4 •
. in Newsweek (its true!)
. When will the Unplugged cd come out?
. Kurt'lS* GOD
. Courtney: Please don't Yoko-ize her
PAW O^&mrq REQ:Cobain jokes
Re: kurdt was a pussy
Kurt Cobain FAKED His Own Death!!
. Re: Question: Novoselic/Grohl plans
Nirvana: The Next Ten Years
In Utero Bootlegs ^
Nervermind lyrics — the ZINE, available now!
Nirvana Magazines * ~
1667. CDs for Sale * t —_
1679. Hidden Nirvana Track on benifit album
—*1688. Frances Bean
1693. Re: Was Anyone At The Unplugged taping?
695. Bootleg titled Out of the Womb
696. Liner Notes for Incesticide
Stf&b Of CHRIST* 1703. I'm Buying Nirvana Concert Videos...
1726. bootlegs titled Noose and I hate myself and I want to die
r1743. Richard Nixon and Kurt Cobain
757. His Body Lay Three Days Just Like Christ «4£ -
785. Who Has Concert Videos?
789. Nixon/Kurt
795. John Candy; Nirvana dead!
1796. MTV KILLED KC 'zine!
1799. Kurt is deader than a doornail
1817. bad mouthing Kurt Cobain
W E THOUGHT WE'D HAVE TO SEARCH 1836. I thought Cobain was great.
A MULTITUDE OF NEWSGROUPS TO PIECE TO­ 1857. NIRVANA Commemorative Shirts Ready and Shipping Thursday
1880. Unplugged Set List
Re: The media, the Usenet, and Kurt Cobain (2nd try)
Re: Nirvana sings Kiss
Cobain Faked Kirk Cameron's Suicide (Re: Kurt Cobain FAKED his...
Nirvana's final songs
ISSUE 4'S NEL EXPOSITION WILL 1961. I wonder if Kurt and Jimi are left-handed jamming in heaven... •*—. A ^ F U j J i l U /

DEMONSTRATE SOME OF THE MORE PRACTICAL Re: Cobain & Hendrix: Did Kurt plan this? <• C * J W C
[CID Editor - I neither necessarily believe nor disbelieve either all or portions of the following.)
[The following is a transcript of a recorded phone message put out by a group in Chicago called "Citizens' Committee to Clean Up the Courts." (312)
731-1100 and (312) 731-1505.] Hil Sherman Skoinick, Citizens' Committee to Clean Up the Courts, 9800 South Oglesby.

The very rich and powerful are not given to moist-eyed emotion. They can hold a Christmas party, for example, for their devoted workers
and smile on them. And then, a few days later, dismiss a bunch of them and tell their brutal security guards to throw the workers oft the premises in
one hour. Fearing a labor dispute, the "Chicago Tribune* put attack dogs to terrorize the printing workers in the Trib's "Freedom Center." (With the
smashing of the union, by the way, it's called "Slavery Center.") Ukewise so, when the ultra-rich deal with their mannequins, labelled "President of
the United States." President Lincoln was assassinated a few days after the end of the Civil War. His post-war policy was to go easy on the South.
So, agriculture would have resumed amid plummeting prices. The very rich, including the Rothschilds, had huge commodities speculations to the
contrary. To some, bringing the South back (info the Union] was treason. So, they had Lincoln's brains blown out and blamed a "lone nut." The ultra-
rich and their top military and CiA hawks accused President Kennedy of treason in denying U.S. air cover at the aborted invasion of Cuba at the Bay
of Pigs; also, for JFK planning detente with the Soviets. Yet JFK was popular with the common people. Nevertheless, his brains were blown out in an
open car with military-style trianguiation firing. A "lone nui" was blamed, and himself murdered. As you can see, the very rich are not sentimental.
The ultra rich (and again, with their trusted CIA and military retainers) accused President Nixon of treason in his dealings with North Vietnam. Also,
he wanted to be an imperial president, blackmailing CIA with his knowledge of the CIA murdering JFK. Blowing his brains out in an open car would be
messy, so, ahead of the 1972 re-election of "Tricky Dick." CIA double-agents got themselves caught at the Watergate Hotel -- owned by the Pope.
All to finger Nixon. (Some details are in the book "Silent Coup" by Colodny(sp?)). Nixon was so popular he won re-election in 49 of the 50 states. Yet,
shortly thereafter began the Watergate bombardment. The press so ran after him he couldn't hold press conferences! And, just at the height of "his"
popularity, the press is mounting "their" "Whitewater-gate" blitz, against Clinton. Some of his schemes on health care endanger large insurance
companies -- like Prudential, owned by ihe British royal family. Funny thing: What the press trumpets of the rich are accusing Clinton are true
enough. Yes, he and his wife committed financial crimes in ripping off S47 million through Arkansas S&L and others. Yes, Bill and Hillary, to try to
save themselves from prison, covered up the murder of White House aide Vincent Foster. And yes, the ultra rich contend privately that Clinton
committed treason in aborting a "genuine" CiA plot to murder Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, a sworn enemy of the United States, on July 17,
1993. And two days later, Clinton chopping olt the head of FBI director Sessions because he was investigating Clinton's "treason." And on July 20,
Foster was murdered jus! as he was planning to plead with Bill to leave the plot go forward for "national security" reasons, or be impeached. The ultra
rich consider most Americans stupid and (that they] have to be told fairy tales; to be amused with stories of an angry wife cutting off her husbands
"ding-a-ling." So, will Clinton be put to the wall at the height ol his popularity? Remember: The ultra rich are not sentimental. (312) 731-1100 is ow
main message. Donations will be appreciated...

[From Pacifica Radio, February 21, 1994]
ANNOUNCER: 29 years ago on this day a fiery young African- American speaker named Elhaj-Maleek Al-Shabah (sp(?)] or, as he was more widely
known, Malcolm X, was about to deliver a speech at the Autobahn Ballroom, in New York, when he was gunned down. And now, nearly 3 decades
after his assassination, countless documentaries on his politics, and even a feature-length commercial film about his life, the public still craves
information about Malcolm X. Orlando Bagwell is the latest producer to take on the task. He co-wrote and directed a recent PBS documentary called
"Make It Plain." The assassins were identified in 1965 as Black Muslims. But the issue of "Who killed Malcolm X?" is one many refuse to let rest.
BAGWELL; What we did is we looked at the FBI; we make mention of a couple of things in our film. We talk about the FBI's long-term surveillance of
the Nation of Islam and their own eiforts to create division within that organization and de-stabilize it. Which takes form in a lot of ways: um, leaking
information. We made note of the fact that they're sending information to newspapers to deepen the rift between Malcolm and Elijah Munammed. We
also let you know that, in fact, it's more than just the FBI. That in fact the local police department... the agent that appears in our film talked about
infiltrating Malcolm's organization is part of the New York Police Department, and thai some of this local taw enforcement is also infiltrating the
organization. And at certain times establishing a level of surveillance on the organization. Also, we mention the interests of the State Department in
Malcolm's international activities. So you realize that there are more than... it's more than just the FBI. That there are many forces besides the FBI
and in the Nation of Islam who are representing [unclear] Malcolm perceived the danger to his lile in the last year. ANNOUNCER: While conducting
your research, did you personally form any opinion of your own as to who assassinated Malcolm X? BAGWELL: While doing research I think a
certain thing became very clear around thai issue. I think that his assassination is an issue that needs to be addressed in the country, but I think it
needs to be addressed like other assassinations that were part of our history at that time. I think that when we, as we experience those things they
create, number one, questions in our own mind, but also doubts about, um, doubts within our minds that I think need to be addressed and dealt with.
I think it's a very serious issue and a very serious matter because what we begin to doubt are the basic institutions and the people that are very
important to us in terms of our own stability: number one, as individuals and as citizens in a country. Something that I, that I um, in doing the
research, I think we were confronted with many things that were troubling about the assassination, But we also realized that, in fact, it's a very big
story, a very complicated story that needs to be told in its fullness and not told with a few lines of narration that allude to something that you don't
spend time delivering or developing. ANNOUNCER: "Make It Plain" director, co-writer Orlando Bagwell on the assassination of Malcolm X, 29 years
ago today [Feb. 21].

I encourage distribution of "Conspiracy for the Day."

If you would like "Conspiracy for the Day" (CfD) sent to your email address, just send a message to (alternate
felix\! saying you would iike to subscribe to CfD in the form "subscribe my-email@address".

If i t A I I i I / \ I

D AM & PARC r<§)/33*/


From; Paul Z w i e r z a n s k i . 1 4 1 N o r t h Lane, Portslade, E.Sussex, B N 4 1 2 H H

T e l / Fax/ Modem: 0273-430600
M e s s a g e s : R A B B I T B B S - 0 2 7 3 - 6 9 9 5 5 0 or S I X & F I V E E I G H T S - 0 2 7 3 - 6 8 8 8 8 8

Executions in E n g l a n d f r o m 1 6 0 6 .

T h e following list is e x t r a c t e d from t h e publication 'Haydn's Dictionary of Dates' published in London in 1 8 9 5 . I have this b o o k in m y
possession. T h e n a m e s a r e a s published, with f o r e n a m e s w h e r e found. T h e date is in reference to the d a y of execution. A reason for execution is
noted if k n o w n a n d the last place of reference is the place of the trial. Also noted are the n a m e s of the victims, w h e r e k n o w n .
In T h e reign o l H e n r y V I I I . ( 3 8 Y e a r s ) It is said that n o less a n u m b e r than 7 2 , 0 0 0 criminals w e r e e x e c u t e d . In the t e n y e a r s b e t w e e n 1 8 2 0
a n d 1 8 3 0 , there w e r e e x e c u t e d in E n g l a n d a l o n e 7 9 7 criminals.Tha place of execution in London (formerly generally at Tyburn) w a s in front of
N e w g a t e tram 1 7 8 3 to 1 8 6 8 , w h e n a n a c t w a s p a s s e d directing executions to take place within the walls of the prisons. T h e dissection of the bodies
of the e x e c u t e d p e r s o n s w a s a b o l i s h e d in 1 8 3 2 .


D I G B Y , Ft 1 6 0 6 , 3 0 J a n G u n p o w d e r plot conspirators, e x e c u t e d in
WINTER, 1 6 0 6 3 0 J a n L o n d o n o n this d a t e .
GRANT, 1606 30 Jan
BATES, 1606 30 Jan
WINTER, T 1606 31 Jan
ROOKWOOD, 1606 31 Jan
KEYS, 1606 31 Jan
FAWKES 1606 31 Jan
G A R N E T T , Henry 1 6 0 6 0 3 M a y Jesuit
F E L T O N , John 1 6 2 8 2 8 N o v M u r d e r of D u k e of Buckingham; Tyburn
D U K E of M o n m o u t h , J a m e s 1 6 8 5 1 5 Jul T r e a s o n ; T o w e r Hill
K I D D . C a p t William 1 7 0 1 2 3 M a y A n d three others, for piracy
P R I C E , John 1 7 1 8 2 1 M a y T h e H a n g m a n ; Murder, Bunhill-row
S H E P P A R D , Jack 1 7 2 4 1 8 N o v Highwayman; Tyburn
T U R P I N , Richard 1 7 3 9 * A p r * 7 or 1 0 April; H i g h w a y m a n ; Y o r k
B A L M E R I N O , Lord 1 7 4 6 1 8 A u g A n d others, rebellion; T o w e r HiH
L O V A T , Lord 1 7 4 7 0 9 A p r Rebellion; T o w e r Hill
V A U G H A N , R i c h a r d W m . 1 7 5 8 11 M a y First forger of B a n k of England N o t e s
A R A M , Eugene 1 7 5 9 0 6 A u g Murder; York
F E R R E R S , Eari 1 7 6 0 0 5 M a y M u r d e r of his s t e w a r d ; Tyburn
GARDELLE, Theodore 1 7 6 1 0 4 Apr Murder; H a y m a r k e t
P E R R O T T , John 1 7 6 1 1 1 N o v Fraudulent bankrupt; Smithfield
W N A U G H T E N , J o h n Esq 1 7 6 1 1 3 D e c M u r d e r of M i s s K N O X ; Strabane
B R O W N R I G G , E l i z a b e t h 1 7 6 7 1 4 S e p M u r d e r of her apprentice; Tyburn
P E R R E A U , Daniel 1 7 7 6 1 7 J a n W i n e m e r c h a n t , Forgery; Tyburn
P E R R E A U , Robert 1 7 7 6 1 7 J a n W i n e m e r c h a n t , Forgery; Tyburn
DODD, RevDr 1 7 7 7 2 7 J u n F o u n d guilty of forging a bond, in the n a m e of Lord Chesterfiled for 4200I
H A C K M A N , R e v Henry 1 7 7 9 1 9 A p r M u r d e r o l Miss R E A Y , Misfress of the Earl of S a n d w i c h ; Tyburn
D O N E L L A N , Capt. John 1 7 8 1 0 2 Apr M u r d e r o l S i r T H E O D O S I U S B O U G H T O N ; W a r w i c k
M U R P H Y , Christian * 1 7 8 9 1 8 M a r ' (or B O W M A N ) A w o m a n ; Strangled a n d burnt for coining
P A R K E R , Richard 1 7 9 7 3 0 June A n d others, mutiny at the N o r e
PHEPOE,Mrs 1 7 9 7 1 1 D e c C e l e b r a t e d m u r d e r e s s ; Old Bailey
C R O S B I E , Sir E d w a r d 1 7 9 8 0 4 J u n High treason; Ireland
S H E A R E S , Messrs 1 7 9 9 1 2 Jul High treason; Dublin
D I C K , Galloping 1 8 0 0 0 4 A p r H i g h w a y m a n ; Aylesbury
WALL, Govenor Joseph 1 8 0 2 2 8 J a n M u r d e r of S E R J E A N T A R M S T R O N G ; Old Bailey
• CRAWLEY, Mr 1 8 0 2 1 0 M a r M u r d e r of two females; Dublin
" " ^ F O S T E R , George 1 8 0 3 18 J a n M u r d e r o l wife a n d child; Old Bailey
D E S P A R D , Colonel
1 8 0 3 2 1 F e b A n d others; High treason; H o r s e m o n g e r - L a n e
1 8 0 3 0 3 S e p ( a rank imposter, w h o married, b y m e a n s of the most odious deceit, the
celebrated "Beauty of Buttermere"). Forgery; Carlisle
E M M E T T , Robert 1 8 0 3 2 0 S e p High treason; Dublin
P A T C H , Richard 1 8 0 6 0 8 A p r M u r d e r of Mr. B L I G H ; Horsemonger-lane
H O L L O W A Y , John 1 8 0 7 2 3 F e b M u r d e r of Mr. S T E E L E ; O l d Bailey. 2 8
HAGGERTY, Owen 1 8 0 7 2 3 F e b of the spectators w e r e trodden to d e a t h
SIMMONS, T 1 8 0 8 0 7 M a r T h e m a n of blood, murder; Hertford
C A M P B E L L , Major 1 8 0 8 0 2 O c t M u r d e r of Capt. B O Y D in a duel; A r m a g h
S U T H E R L A N D , Capt. 1 8 0 9 2 9 J u n Murder; Execution d o c k
A R M I T A G E , Richard 1 8 1 1 2 4 J u n Forgery; O l d Bailey
B E L L I N G H A M , John 1 8 1 2 1 8 M a y M u r d e r of Mr. P E R C E V A L ; Old Bailey
N I C H O L S O N , Philip 1 8 1 3 2 3 A u g M u r d e r of Mr & M r s . B O N A R ; P e n n e n d e n - h e a t h
T U I T E , Francis 1 8 1 3 0 9 0 c t M u r d e r of Mr. G O U L D I N G ; Dublin
C A L L A G H A N , Charles 1 8 1 4 0 2 A p r M u r d e r of Mr. M E R R Y ; Horsemonger-lane
S A W Y E R , William 1 8 1 4 1 5 M a y M u r d e r of J A C K H A C K E T ; Old Bailey
F E N N I N G , Eliza 1 8 1 5 2 6 Jul Administering poison;Old Bailey
If you've read any fanzines that talk about other fanzines, What are we going to do about Florida? Can we give it back
odds are you've heard about Mike Diana and his little zine BOILED to Spain? If we could, would they take it? Should we get out the band
ANGEL and the trouble the latter has caused the former. Odds are you saws and start cutting right at the panhandle? With any luck, the State
haven't actually seen Boiled Angel #7 or #8- the ones the State of of Florida will slide into the sea. Hmmm. Since it's bloated with so much
Florida seized and is pressing charges over- only about 300 of each hot air from self-righteous politicians and lawyers, maybe it will float
were actually circulated. away. Let the Haitians have it. It's hard to tell which is more screwed
For those who don't know, Diana's drawings are terribly up politically and intellectually.
crude, childlike scraw, generally forming utterly disgusting sexual or Why not write and send a letter that goes a little like this:
violent activity. I never thought his stuff was anything special, although
it was always good for a chuckle thanks to the stark graphic and Dear Governor of Florida:
thematic attack employed. There's always room for crud like that in my
book. Unfortunately, The Conspiracy in Florida doesn't see it that way. I h a v e b e e n made a w a r e t h a t a c i t i z e n o f
Of course, the land of Anita Bryant is the state that took action y o u r s t a t e , M i k e C. D i a n a , h a s b e e n c h a r g e d w i t h
against 2 Live Crew- and eventually lost. But they were rappers and
t h r e e counts o f c r i m i n a l misdemeanor i n your
rappers always have certain avenues of recourse which they can fall
s t a t e , as t h e r e s u l t o f p u b l i s h i n g h i s comic
back on. There are millions of rap fans out there and when their music
was threatened, fans and artists spoke out. In fact, plenty of non-rap " B o i l e d A n g e l " . I understand t h a t the r e s u l t of
musicians spoke out. Florida was rightfully turned into a bad guy by h i s t r i a l was p r o b a t i o n i n a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g
performers and media because it was media driven performers whof elt p r o h i b i t e d from w r i t i n g and d r a w i n g .
threatened by association. If 2 Live Crew really wanted to get down and I f e e l t h a t t h i s i s c l e a r l y a case o f
dirty, they could have simply called their prosecutors "racists". censorship and v i o l a t e s h i s c i v i l rights as
Diana will not have such support. The underground comic protected by the First Amendment of the
scene makes pre-media circus 2 Live Crew look like the Beatles in
C o n s t i t u t i o n of the United States of America.
terms of popular appeal. Let's face it. Those of us into small-time comix
I f e e l t h a t because y o u r s t a t e behaves i n
and zines probably number less than 250,000 nationwide. That's less
than .001 %of the American population. For every one of us, there are t h i s manner, I s h a l l be u n a b l e t o do business
a thousand chowderheads rushing to read Rolling Stone or Time or to w i t h any f i r m t h a t i s l o c a t e d i n y o u r s t a t e o r
watch America's Funniest Home Videos. How are you going to rally v i s i t y o u r s t a t e as a t o u r i s t u n l e s s t h i s c o u r t
support from the little zine bunch and transfer it to the big duh bunch? a c t i o n against Mr. Diana i s r e v e r s e d .
Anybody see any clout in the zine numbers? Idiot! There isn't any!!!
The Conspiracy loves to pick on little guys like Diana. They
take them to court and run them through the financial ringer, letting
them off after a lengthy trial- only after they're sure the victim, er,
defendant is broke. I remember all too well the same deal happening
in 1985 to the Dead Kennedys. Their home state of California
attempted to prosecute singer Jello Biafraforthe inclusion of a poster Joe Comic Book Reader and FORMER drinker of
by world reknown artist H. R. Giger in a album called Frankenchrist. Orange J u i c e
charging the band with the distribution of harmful matter to minors, or
some such crap. The band invoked First Amendment protection and, cc: Florida Orange Juice Council, Florida
in time, was acquitted. Perhaps the only thing that saved them from Commission o f T o u r i s m .
time in the clink was the creation of the No More Censorship Defense
Fund, which is sadly defunct.
The Fund was set up at first specifically to help pay for the You see, the Conspiracy has no use for this freedom of
Dead Kennedys defense and was later offered to be there for other speech crap, but really understands getting fucked in the ass over a
artists suffering attacks against their right to create what they want for few hundred t h o u s a n d or million dollars. The Conspiracy stands
those who want to be exposed to it. tall, united against the little dipshits of America, UNLESS ONE OR
The First Amendment barely exists anymore. When you have TWO OF THE BIGWIGS GET SINGLED OUT AND TOLD THAT
to kill yourself financially to protect what was once an "unalienable THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE THEIR DICKS CUT OFF BY THE
right", it may as well not exist. The Conspiracy knows this, and allows ENRAGED THRONG. If afewhundredthousandcomicbookreaders
us to have our meekest, mealy-mouthed thoughts blared to world, but write the governor, and, say, the ORANGE JUICE COUNCIL, and tell
if anything which challenges the messages which turn us into and keep them that they will tell EVERYBODY THEY KNOW NOT TO SPEND A
us mind-numbed, consumer-mad zombies is emitted at anything NICKEL IN FLORIDA, they'll get the message, smackthe living shit out
beyond a whisper- and in this case, EVEN AT A WHISPER-the fucking of the prosecutor, s e n d Diana home with a new set of Crayolas and
rug is going to be pulled out form under our little, smelly feet. Florida, ask us PLEASE to forget such a stupid thing ever happened.
apparently, isn't even going to botherpretendingXhe First What the hell, it works for the American Family Association.
Amendment exists for Mike Diana. First Amendment? Blackmail or be blackmailed, especially when it comes to slimy,
| | Fuck it. Right to freedom of speech and press? Abridged. grandstanding, self-righteous motherfucker politicians.
^4. Rights? Alienated.
NketheBrannockDevice(that metal thing that tellsyou what size shoes
you should wear), rat traps, marinade sauce, pole-mounted mailboxes,
the Etch-A-Sketch, and even the Green Bay Packers uniforms. The
I figured it would be appropriate to introduce myself before second half ofthe reviews are of services he gets aroundthe New York
you got to my reviews and critiques of the sex comix. By the way, mot area- places like diners, shoeshine benches, bars, and the amazing
all of the comix I'll review are "adult". Some are just plain cool! Apology zine hotline.
My name is Steve Bostwick. I am a graduate of Cleveland Record (and zine) reviews finally creep in at the end, and the
State University, with a double major in art and communications. resulting banter is largely irrelevant to the sounds, which is actually
Reviews and interviews have been many since my days at CSU's refreshing since most reviewers just aren't capable of describing what
CAULDRON newspaper, where I handled all kinds of reviews of rock they've ostensibly listenedto. They write in circles about nothing in just
bands and believe it or not, comix. Yes! Adult comix reviews! It was the manner I've just done and will do again! What most people don't
an avenue of the paper's art section that I invented and had unique consider, writes Lukas, is that reviews are written for several reasons:
success with. I pissed off all the right people and needless to say, to stay on the promo list, the draw advertising revenue, to get laid, to
acquired a following. My career as a journalist seemed to be off to a not trash a friend's latest bad record, etc. Rather than pretend these
good start. Little did I know that Asylum For Shut-Ins Editor, Mr. Kole, things don't exist, he lets you knowthey do, and he goes on describing
was a goodfan of mine and approached me to do comix reviews for his which ever tangential item hits him first. At the conclusion of each
magazine! I accepted eagerly! So I'd say I'm at least a little bit qualified! review, he makes the "obligatory music-related comment" which even
So here I am, scattered throughout the publication reviews. I still has little to do with the records he "reviews". What the hell though,
use a rating scale that is as basic as any- the old 1 to 10 scale. Any his writing "on the subject" is the best going since Robert Griffin and his
objections? Feel free to write me at the AFSI PO Box. Feedback is Scat Records put out that Seven Magazine a few years back. The cut-
always welcome. downs are great, the tangents are meaningful, and even if you can't tell
what something might sound like after reading the reviews, you'll be
(/ feel compelled to remark that the above was not requested able to tell if you'd like it or not, which is three notches better than most
material, but printed for the pleasure of the writer. Follow his every reviewers out there.
instuction under penalty of... I dunno... ask him. -ed.)

BEET #8 Just
372 5TH AVE Day A t
PO BOX 5367
BROOKLYN NY 11215 the Office
KINGWOOD TX 77325 $2

Shit. Shit. Shit. Bad fiction, bad poetry, bad layouts, bad
Very poor-fess-ional digest sized MAGazeen which is not as
attitude, and bad artwerk all compose the innards of this literary journal
raunchy nor as distorted as they would have themselves portrayed.
masquerading as an underground zine.
The reviews are intelligently articulate, and well researched by people
See, there are groups of grown-ups who play in the
who are knowledgeable. Therefore it lacks that obsessive charm that
underground. They are a pathetic bunch of arty people who carry beat
most underground movie zeens ooze. Fuck. Don't get me wrong. I
up Bukowski tomes and tattered notebooks of their own dribbling.
enjoyed this thing and learned a whole bunch from it, but cain't
These mainstream zombies march about their art, fiction, or poetry
recommend ittiyou on account of it not being trashyenough. The photos
chanting drooling rituals of self-stimulation. Short sentences with a
are ejaculatory, but then, I am very partial to occidental womenfolk...
visual clarity of crisp prose, shattering the motiffs of degeneration and
something about their hair... oh well. There are reviews, essays on
degradation. This is not to say that any of this means anything other
Godzilla/Mothra, and the Lone Club series. What can I say? Try to get
than my own contempt, fear, and stupid loathing. Nothing is
this one for free.
accomplished here at all. Leave it on the stairs.
-Rev. John X. Piche'
-Rev. John X. Piche'

PO BOX 25070
SEATTLE WA 98125-1970

A self-appointed "journal of inconspicuous consumption"

The world of adult comix is growing ever so rapidly. Overthe
dedicated to consumer stuff that Paul likes to use or look at or at least
past 10 years, titles have emerged from the underground with
nave in the truest sense ofthe word. He isn't really dumpsterdiving with
phenomenal success. Cherry Poptart. Ramba. Scimidar. Wendy
this, or even thrifting (see the review of Thrift Score, below), but just
Whitebread. and Zippy- just to name a small handful- have made their
keeping an open eye. In doing so, he has created a unique review-type
mark in the comic book industry. The Black Pear/is bound to earn such
zine which inadvertantly debunks a few of such a piece of "literature's"
usual trappings. Mainly, he isn't trying to provide a guide of things to
Its storyline follows the expected sex theme, and in a few
want and have so much as to say that "these are things that I like to
ways, is quite similarto Gilbert Hernandez's Birdland. It isn't necessarily
have". You'd have to be some kind of idiot to persue these things in
acopy, but reminds usthatthe unique gem gives its wearer extraordinary
earnest. That is precisely what many review zines, especially the
powers. In this case the raven beauty, possesed by a demon of lust,
music review things, try to make you do.
finally loses control and transforms herself into Cindy
Stuff he discusses are things that probably escape the eyes Berkhardt. This virginal neighbor is lusted after by our
of most of us as we hurry to the next zine, BadFlick, CD, relgious zealot, nameless ravenhair's stepbrother Nick.
or worse, work. A shame we have the blinders on, too. We should take
3 5
more time to appreciate the neat crap we're surrounded by at all turns
, , . Keep in mind that there is a neat storyline to this that I'll leave use a drug like pot, which slows the brain down, in order to stimulate
you to figure out. The comic is not labeled as to the number of episodes creativity! Drugsfor mind expansion? "No thanks," says Tyndorf. Take
are upcoming in the series, so this may go on ad infinitum like a soap that, Tim Leary! I can see the letters of dispute being fired off now....
opera. The artwork is good, especially if you are into natural-looking Anyhow, while the interviews are all truly probing, the comics
characters and the phallic form. It would really look nice if it were in were truly revolting. The beleagured Mike Diana's disgusting qoniic
color, or acted out on VHS- and I say that with great respect! 8 of 10 "Coconut Head Horror" is probably 10Ox more offensive than the stuff
for creative fantasy. that earned him probation and the "right" not to draw or write, The 1

-Steve Bostwick "hero" of the strip gets jealous when dad brings his little sister a coconut
head back from his Florida business trip, and jumping beans for him.
As soon as the folks are out the door, the protagonist (a better word
BOY'S RADIO ADVENTURES #2 might be antagonist) strangles his sister, cuts off her head, fucks her
SKIDMARK PRESS open mouth, cuts off the remaining flesh, and displays it for his parents
PO BOX 293 upon their arrival back home. Yow.
BROOKLINE MA 02146 . Clay Parker's comics are equally demented, if less graphically
$2.50 offensive. "In The Hamper" depicts a disinterested couple on the
couch. The male decides he'd like sex. The female agrees, telling him
Excuse me while I readjust my jaw. You see, it just dropped her pussy is- you guessed it- in the hamper. He fetches and fucks it
from its familiar position as a lower mandible and plopped down into my while she watches TV. "In The Clergy" features a man of the cloth
lap on account of my being perfectly stunned by the brilliant genius photographing young, male congregation members nude in the name
contained on the pages before me. Dr. Fishmonger's done it again, of art. Parker, by the way, used to sing for a Cleveland punk rock band
combining the antique and curious look of the old National Geographic called "Sissy". They were comprised of a girl drummer who couldn't
magazines and a humorous adventure in a parallel universe within the play drums, hersisterwhocouldn't play bass, aguitaristfromStarvation
comic book layout style. Army, and Clay, who couldn't write a song or sing. They were perhaps
What Fishmonger did was scour old mags and books for the greatest band on the planet for a short while until they began
photos of people engaged in bizarre activities in what were aboroginal believing that they were good and started practicing. The dada element
places while using even more bizarre and arcane tools. With about had been lost, but that's another story altogether...
1000 such photos collected, he concocted a story about one Captain There are throughout Brutarian a series of "framed" drawings
Wireless who never quite does come to the rescue of a society who has featuring a sort of poster girl. MAD MAGAZINEhas Alfred E. Neuman
been subjected to a substance containing a radiation compound which and Brutarian has this chick who, in one drawing has razor-sharp teeth
causes the loss of self-esteem in all who come into contact with it. The in the crack of her ass, and a sack full of chopped-off dicks tied in a
result is the complete breakdown of society... with hilarious bindle on the ax she used to remove them. The latter is called 'The Little
consequences! Hitch Hiker". Guess how she gets her prey.
. See a few samples of the amazing work of Dr. Ahmed Then there are reviews of all sorts of stuff- music, movies,
Fishmonger in this issue of Asylum For Shut-Ins! Turn back to pages books, zines, etc. The music reviews seem like the pipeline to free
23-25 and feast ye eyes! You bet we recommend getting a copy! records. They don't have the character the rest of the mag has. The
film reviews are truer to the rest, showing vitriol and cynical wit and
sporting a rating system from 1 -6, tallied in Olympia beer cans.
To top it all off, they threw in a 7" by a group called the Ubangis.
BRUTARIAN #10 I really would have liked to have heard the record, but it got warped to
PO BOX 25222 hell- probably in our tiny PO box. That would be one of the very few
ARLINGTON VA 22202-9222 things lame about Brutarian. ,
$4 .

Bills itself as "the magazine that dares to be lame". Shit. The BUF April 1994 Subconscious cues
only thing lame about BRUTARIAN is that statement! To hell with 63 GRAND AVE
this self-effacing! Dom Salemi and cast deliver on all of their cover RIVER EDGE NJ 07661
binge at'mg
statements (save the one already discussed): penetrating interviews, $5 - :.
repugnant comics, and assordid (sic) reviews. :
The toughest punk rock (etc.) interview assignment I can think love a skin mag that puts something like this on Page 3:
of off the top of me head- aside from of John Lydon- would have to be
Iggy Pop. There is so much about hiscareerthat is obvious, that asking
about would be tedious not just for Mr. Pop to discuss just one more
time, but the reader to read just one more time. Interviewer Peter
Gilstrap managed to pose a question that /c/thought was good. It had O
to do with growing up in a trailer park. Those people do turn out a little
differently, don't they. Ig's views on the change of America's face over M A PO
the last 25 years is facinating. E
Holly Woodiawn, once outwardly a man as well as part of
Warhol's Factory crowd touched base on several items, many naturally
relating to both Warhol and that crowd, but also several personal
insights relating to the world of a drag queen.
Dave Wyndorf heads the band Monster Magnet, who enjoys y
utilizing heavy drug references in their lyrics and imagery. He surprised The key word is humor. The bi-racial pair of chubbies feeling
his interviewer (Salemi) and myself by throwing a real each other up with a kielbasa isn't a sexual act, it's humor! And the
SBgp?|. curveball. It sure seemed apparent by their oversaturation chick with the huge wart on her ass- is fucking HUMOR! Not that she
M S of the drug themes that there was some parody going on, has it, but that they'd have a CLOSE-UP of it! The letters section?
D\J but when questioned about personal indulgence, Wyndorf Definitely humor! There's enough cellulite in these pages to make
I made it clear how stupid he thought it was for anyone to soap for all of West Virginia for next year's bath.
I should, uh, come clean here and tell you that none of this Isn't it ironic that those we run into who tend to be bookish or
magazine bums me out the way it did so many of the people I showed intelligent or even more enlightened seem to be real down on the show,
it to. To me, it's the other extreme. Those models in most of the other while the dregs we encounter love it? How did this happen? Sure, the
skin mags aren't the kind of women anybody meets. We all have are dregs are reacting the the surface level of a father and husband who's
"imperfections" that we make ourselves neuortic over. Gosh, I'm ten joy is to slough off the wife and watch TV, the mother and wife spends
pounds overweight... *worry, worry, worry*. Or in the case of those money like it's going out of style and craves sex from her husband, the
"perfect" models- gosh, I'm perfect, but I might gain weight... *worry, daughter is an obvious slut, and the son is a slimy wisecracker. I'm
worry, worry*. Let's face it. Some folks were meant to be porkers. Why perplexed as to why so many of the snobbier bunch turn their noses up
fight it? If you have 'it, why not flaunt it? I got the biggest kicks in showing at this show. Clearly, they do are only reacting to the surface level,
it to my liberal, "equality-minded" acquaintances, who, to the last one, which is, of course, pure repellent to any cultured so-and-so. How is
all told me it was sick or disgusting. I told them that this is what their it that these folks can't laugh at the subversion leveled at the TV-family
crummy equality amounted to- equal time for beastly chicks! Can't stereotypes and not see that it's a joke? How's come they have to think
have just "perfect" bodied nudes anymore! the producers really think everybody is this way, or worse, that they're
So the big girls flaunt it. I still laugh at all the letters that read, providing role models? Oh yeah. Those snobs don't have any
"my woman was about 315 pounds and she'd diet and lose 50 but gain discernable sense of humor! It's a goddamned JOKE and it whizzes
it back in no time. I told her I like her fat, so she went and gained another by them faster than T.S. Eliot would whiz by the dregs.
400 pounds and now she parks her ass over me and squishes me like The most curious thing about Issue 2 is a brief "history" of
a freight train on a fly and I'm just in hog heaven". More and more and prime time. I'll allow my naivete to show and say that I'd always figured
more fun than Playboy anyday. A real chubby-chaser's dream come Britain had its selections on telly, Americans had theirs, and that was
true. Pass the doughnuts, and chips, and Ho-Ho's, and sausage, and that. Miles Wood's sitcomtime line seems pretty darned American with
Pepsi, and Cheetos, and pork rinds, and... the exception being the indication that Sanford and Son was derived
•Ed Godard from a Brit show called Steptoe and Son. At any rate, the conclusion
of the history is that with the sit-com having been given new life by lbs
Cosby Show, it was ripe for an unravelling of the usual formula by a set
CHERRY POPTART#15 of caricatures. The caricature dwelled upon the most here is Kelly
KITCHEN SINK Bundy, and actress Christina Applegate. Photos a-plenty pepper the
320 RIVERSIDE DR pages as might be expected. Bio's and fimographies of Applegate and
NORTHAMPTON MA 01060 . of Ed (AI) O'Neill and Katey (Peg) Sagal are listed for those who might
$3 want to search the wee hours of USA Network programming for lack of
anything better to do.
Cherry Poptart has been one of my favorite comix, and it Issue 3 has far fewer photos and instead, concentrates more
doesn't surprise me that it is the single highest selling adult comic on on show issues. For this issue to grab your attention, you really have
the market to date. A few years back, there was talk of creator Larry to be a fan ofthe show. News issues surrounding the show are charted
Welz doing a video cartoon, but the chaos of the change from Last (press conferences, popular opinion of the show, boycotts against its
Gasp to Kitchen Sink have put things on hold. This is Cherry's second advertisers, etc.), talk show appearances refered to, the Married...
KS issue, and upholds the tradition. comic series is reviewed, an episode guide is listedf orthe sake of home
Thef ocus is placed on an exaggerated biker lifestyle, bringing taping completists, and there's other mundane crap. About the only
the legendary Horny Biker Slut line. Of course, Cherry delivers a twist interesting thing is an essay of appreciation of Buck, the Married...
as only Welz can. family dog.
The first of the two episodes mocks the King Kong scenario Why so down on #3 and not #2? Well, the show has, what
and the other makes Jurassic Park look like Jurassic Joke. Ellie Dee seems to me, to be a pretty uninteresting cast of nobodies who came
stars as Cherry's ingenious wizard friend who, of course, manages to together to act out a pretty interesting TV show. I'm not going to rave
turn a motorcycle into a time machine. Look for the hidden pictures of to show, because there are limits to how far this particualr joke can be
Barney throughout. stretched. It was a nice job of casting. The zine has succeeded in
I'd like to see Cherry in more spin-offs of quaint movies and stretching the limits in three tries further than the series has in 7years.
TV shows. Welz is arguably at his best when using satire. The previous
issue was a great take on the Clinton/Jennifer Flowers scandal. Stuff
like that begs for a sequal. Give it a 9 of 10, only because I've seen CRASH COLLUSION #6
wackier shit from Cherry! PO BOX 49233
-Steve Bostwick AUSTIN TX 78765

CHILDREN OF A FAR GREATER GOD #2 & #3 Mr. Nations has developed one of the finest fringe zines
2ND FLOOR going. His writers consistently contribute topical articles which tackle
221 ASHMORE ROAD interesting subjects, are thoroughly researched and discussed, and
QUEENS PARK raise eyebrows and questions alike. The supermarket tabloids tackle
LONDON W9 3DB these subjects all the time, which is probably a bad thing since things
ENGLAND like UFOs, Bigfoot, etc, are then instantly viewed with suspicion at
2 Quid... uh, $4 each U.S.? 1
least, and more often, total disbelief by "virtue" of appearing on tabloid
pages. CC's writers give these items tons of credibility because of the
How's aboutthat? The honest-to-goodness FANzine devoted lack of sensationalist crapola.
to Married... With Children comes from jolly old England. I never would John Cartertookon the planet Mars andthat "face"discovered
have guessed that the series would be aired in the land of Monty on the surface. One of the NASA probes- beats me which one- turned
Python, let alone be worshipped, but let's not mix apples and oranges. up a photo of the reddish hills and, lo and behold, there was
We've discussed SleazeFilm from home and abroad, so why not the a formation of some sort in the shape of a quasi-human
king of sleazy TV sit-coms form the U.S. of A.? face. Coincidence? Carter doesn't think so and explores
the possibility of life on Mars.
In the same realm, Steve Mizrach suggests that alien life has As eye-popping and engrossing as all those stories are,
been in contact with human governments, especially the US, for quite Donna Kossy has topped them all with a story about a different kind of
sometime. Infact, hesuggeststhatthen-President Eisenhowersigned mind-expansion technique- trepanning. ... -».;
an accord with aliens under cover of a visit to the dentist. I guess the Trepanning... Trepanning... Wasn't that the word for that sort
press let the Pres go to get a check-up in those days. Clinton doesn't of "lobotomy" torturers used to give to the insane? I conjure the scene
even get to jog or get a Big Mac without a bevy of reporters around. of a damp, dank dungeon made of huge blocks of stone, people in rags
Hmmm. The agreement supposedly allowed aliens to conduct their chained to the walls, rats teeming in corners, some guy using his head
abductions and research without interference.- Mizrach suggests that as a shovel to burrow into the earthen floor, the Master with an auger
JFK and Nixon befell their troubles (death and Watergate) as a result beingappliedtoan"inmate'sforehead. Blood gushing out. Thesubject
of their refusal to negotiate with the saucer jockeys. To keep civilians with an eerie smile..."
off the trail, the government conducts disinformation campaigns, I.e.: Yep. That's trepanning; the drilling of a
allows the tabloids to cover such things as UFO crashes, thereby hole into one's skull, then used ostensibly to
making the public retain its position of disbelief, and relegating the release the spirits. Now, it is used by some ON Completely
"kook" label to believers. THEIROWNHEADSinthequestforthebigtrip.
Some have done it in order to open the elusive
Brilliance is often disguised as utter bullshit" third eye in a religious pursuit. Amanda Fielding
-J.R. "Bob" Dobbs not only trepanned herself, she filmed the event
for posterity! Send the film to the Scared
Ben Price turned up something he found floating through the Straight folks! Can you imagine what they'd do
Internet about the cultivation of cacti for personal use. Personal use? with it? 'You see kids, you might innocently have
Think "peyote", smart guy. Psychoactives have long been touted as a few swigs of beer at a party, decide the
incredible mind-tools. Long before he was branded an loon and a experience was good and later have more beer.
public menace, Dr. Timothy Leary had a Ph.D. and was teaching at From beer you move to hard liquor. From hard
Harvard. That was back in the '60s. Nowadays with emphasis going liquor to marijuana. From marijuana to crack or for t h e
towards the environment and the ingestion of natural products, it is no
surprise to me that folks are looking towards cacti for their mind-
heroin or acid. From there- TREPANNING.
Kids, do you want to end up with a fuckin' hole
expansion needs. The "found" article gives how-tos on all aspects of in your head? Yeah, I thought it was all a big
joke. Sure, mamma, I'm gonna end up with a
cacti use and growth.
hole in my head. Right. Well, look here, tough guy. See that? Think
you're real tough cuz you blow some weed, huh? Muthafucker, have
a look at thatHf
Check it out!

: :
::?::'W ' «;H-?:;SB.K:.V::.;.S':::::K:

Casebook on DEATH

Alternative 3 i l ^native 3 DC/VERTIGO

UFOs, Secret Societies Collectors of the Sandman stuff will definitely be interested in
and World Control Secret Societies
Death. In fact, the whole line looks like it's designed to grab the
attention of collectors. Death is a character spun off fromthe Sandman
Jim Keith comic and has found success. How can you fail if on a major like DC?
Includes: Death isn't the typical "Angel of Death* we all are familiar with.
UFOs and the Secret Space Program First off, Death is female, and a very striking one at that. Of course, it
Electronic Warfare would be beyond D C s credibility to publish sex comix, but Death isn't
Subliminal Messages in the Media that sort of goddess. She just has a lookthat is very appealing. She's
UFO Abductions, Crop Circles & Cattle Mutilations Jim Keith a heroine.
and much, much more! Issue One ('The High Cost of Living") has Death helping out
a kid, Sexton, on the verge of suicide, and the two become friends. She
An in-depth analysis ofthe startling claims made in the gets the chance to spend a day on earth and takes the name DiDi. The
book Alternative 3. Quality Paperback, 160 pgs., $12.95 twist is that Death is af riend rathe than enemy, making the story unique.
Other titles by Jim Keith: Collectors will want to seek out the hardcover version of the
Secrei and Suppressed, Jim Keith (ed.) - A guidebook to series, complete with a public service message about AIDS, with Death
alternative views of contemporary events and world history. as the celebrity speaker. Back around Christmas I saw a Death
Feral House, 309 pages, $12.95 wristwatch. It had Death's face on it and the second hand was her
The Gemstone File, Jim Keith (ed.) 214 pages, trademark Ankh. Neat. Death wears the Ankh, the symbol of life.
$14.95. "Classic conspiracy fringe literature." Maybe it's because death lives forever! (I love it when I can come up
• New York Press with some oxymoron for this stuff). Lots of hype forthis character. Lots
Also Available: of collectors' money out the window.
Extra-terrestrial Friends and Foes by George Andrews - $14.95 "Gallery" is a mini-series of Death stuff, but all done by artists
other than the original artist. Apparently they all liked the character
Send your order to lllumiNet Press, P.O. Box 2808, Lilburn, GA 30226 enough to send in their own renditions. More money in D C s bank.
Include $1.75 postage for first book & $.75 for each additional book
Visa/MasterCard orders call: (404) 279-2745 What the hell. It kicks ass! It's nothing but art, and of superb quality.
Send for our free catalog! Death has been reworked into Cubist, Expressionist, Surrealist, and
Renaissance stylings, to name a few. Madonna's "Sex" book can eat
dust. 10 of 10.
-Steve Bostwick
DISHWASHER #11 Ah, the sweaty brow. It can be found on the heads of those
PO BOX 4827 who are trapped in a situation which could expose them for what they
ARCATACA 95521 are, or worry over an immanent encounter with a person of another
subculture, or just have some general insecurity. It is part of Clowes'
How does one go about creating a long-running zine when imperfect world where even those who appear to be on top of the given
deciding to focus on one highly unlikely topic? Throwtravel into the mix, situation are shown as being genuinely flawed.
I guess. It seems to have worked like a charm for this dishing lifer Half of the stories revolve around the geek-takes-on-the-
named Pete. Having already logged the dishwashing adventures in world-and-wins theme, usually involving some dork of a comic artist
far-flung corners like New Hampshire, Alaska, and Colorado in previous who finally settles scores, whether f inacially or otherwise, with the jocks
issues, he's moved on from Montana, back home to California andthen and"coolpeople" from junior high school. Could it be auto-biographical?
over to Dayton, Ohio. Probably, but I can relate and you probably can too. I got beat up (more
Pete is the classic example of a man too bored with life to sit than once) for my punk rock haircut and attitude in high school a decade
still, yet too much of a slacker to get motivated enough to get schooled- ago, suffering the ignomy of having too slight a physique and too small
up and become a lawyer or something of that sort. I bet if you asked a supporting cast, and s h i t , nowadaysf anancial wizardry is right around
him, he'd tell you that both blue- and white-collar work lands you in the the corner (choke, cough)! Those fucks are all doctors and lawyers
same tied-down place. these days, living boring, futile, if lavish lives. I guess most of us are
So he packs his bags and works wherever he can wash. His fairly typical schmucks, huh?
mobility is his freedom. Any time a boss, a co-worker, the lack of food
to steal, etc, becomes a drag, he gives short notice and leaves. This
is power, friends. To be able to hold the rules the boss holds so near EUROPEAN TRASH CINEMA Vol 2, #8
and dear, (and overthe heads of his underlings) andflaunttheminfront CRAIG LEDBETTER
of his beady eyes (and the wide eyes of the underlings) is sheer power. PO BOX 5367
To be able to make the boss beg at your feet to keep you from quitting KINGWOOD TX 77325
is a wonderful feeling... I guess. I've never been so fortunate. A $6
Kerouac for the 90's? Why not?
Rev. Piche' made an observation about fanzines in general
in a review that appeared in the previous issue. To paraphrase, he
DO DOUBLE DIGEST indicated that most true fan-zines tend to become either obsessive or
SANDY burned out in a matter of a few short issues. By and large, I'd have to
PO BOX 24034 agree. ETC is one of the exceptions for several reasons. The subject
KELOWNA BC V 1 Y A P A is broad enough to allow for variety and growth; there are literally
CANADA thousands of titles and personalities to be explored. A goodly number
$1 of writers share the workload. This ensures multiple points of view and
styles of persuit. These elements all point to avoidance of the ever
Inspiring rage of creation and fixated purpose jump form the pervasive rut.
page and make me want to pee all over myself. Everyone that I trust- After having emphasized the amazing Italian sleeze film
deeply- has some sort of driving, insane passion. Sandy is that type of circuit over the previous seven issues of this former newsletter, Craig
boy that I would feel real comfortable sharing my toothbrush, my decided to give forum to other European arenas, perhaps to avoid
underwear, or the road with. He is filled with an overabundance of having the zine thought of as Italian Trash Cinema. Whatever the
creative desire to populate the ghetto of his mind with perverted motive, justice is served and the rut sideswiped with players in the
deviants and aimless marauders. This is art, kiddies. French and German cinema paid proper attention.
It's sucking pee through red and white straws with that bendy- Having little actual knowledge of the ins and outs (shall we
top bit, pooing in our pants while screaming for inebriated revolution, say) of this niche in the film world, the in-depth exploratory tenor of both
of sleeping naked with boys who look like grrrls (and vice versa). I am the articles and reviews were very useful. French actress Brigette
filled with an unnamable joy and a secured sense of embrace by this Lahaie spoke of the entire filmmaking process in a candid fashion rarely
awe-inspiring work of goateed creativity. L o n g live t h e c r i m i n a l entertained by Americans. Rather than simply saying that everyone
c e l e b r a t i o n o f t h e i n s a n e ! The envelope is a homemade joy featuring does marvelous work and is a complete joy to work with orfor and other
that midgetedf reakcreated in the United States sitcom labs, Emmanuel cliches, she gave her opinions in a well
Lewis. Remember when Webster shucked Monkey cockat M. Jackson's reasoned manner, allowing the reader
Ranchero? Gawd, am I hard. to accept her statements for what they
-Rev. John X. Piche' are. The ensuing filmography helps to
give even greater perspective to her
statements, for as is shown, Lahaie is a
EIGHTBALL#12 veteran of more than 100 films.
FANTAGRAPHIC BOOKS Veteran French Director Jean
7563 LAKE CITY W A Y N E Rollin speaks in a similar fashion, not
SEATTLE WA 98115 backing down from queries about having
made porn under an assumed name.
Daniel Clowes shoulders the entire load in Eightbail, from story He dismissed that batch of flicks as
to art. I'd wager my Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer mask that you've being uninteresting and explains that
seen Clowes' drawings before, is stuff has been the centerpiece of they were done simply to pay the bills.
several record and CD covers. Off the top of my head, I can think of a He points out the pom and sleaze he's
Cheater Slicks CD and a compilation record called The Beat of the directed and that he is proud of. The
Traps which was the result of a bunch of those 'send us your poem and honesty and openness is
we'll make a recorcf deals. Anyway, he has a knack for showing the refreshing in both of these
geek in all of us, ever so slightly overemphasizing human features to Francophones. It's just not
reveal our frailty. He specializes in corny glasses, double chins, big
buckedteeth, and lackof muscle tone, but most of all- the sweaty brow.
something I'm accustomed
to in film personalities.
But, shit, the bottom line is thatthis stuff is all a bunch of f u n . HORNY BIKER SLUT #6
Were talking about ridiculous, blood spattered slasher flicks and can­ LAST GASP J. r
can pornography and other exploitation films. Some of the graphics 777 FLORIDA ST .
include titty shots of Lahaie, a scene from the Rollin film, Bacchanales SAN FRANCISCO CA 94110
Sexualles. where a woman slashes the throat of atied up nude, and an
incredible special effect still of a woman with a pair of scissors jammed $3 | f :
>>,v.,. :&--J
open into her eye sockets. To quote featured French film critic-turned- I've always been a big fan of the Horny Biker Slut. It's" a really
director Claude Chabrol, "okay, so these films are trash; but let's not do funny comic and unique because it is one of the few comixout there that
it by halves. Let's get into the trash up to our necks". goes all-out to super explicitly detail all of the sickest, disgusting,
Right on! If you want not just to watch the flicks, but to get up hardcore pornographic antics imaginable. It's definitely the filthiest
to your neck in the trash, check this out along with the companion comic as it claims to be.
ASIAN TRASH CINEMA (reviewed and panned earlier by Rev. Piche").


PO BOX 120652

From the land of the Grand OP Opry comes the digest sized
equivalent of an Answer Me! Jr. The themes are perfectly identical,
only the execution and volume have been nipped in the bud.
Right from the politically incorrect cover, with the line "Hey
Faggot!" and a fist glancing across a face, through an anti-homeless
beggar rant and two serial killer profiles, the only thing preventing me
from believing Jim and Debbie Goad produced this was the inclusion
of a recipe for fried balls of fish.
Actually, I like this quite a bit more than Answer Me! becasue
they keep it brief. The profiles of Herman Mudgett and Peter Kurten go
quite a long way in indulging the reader, using comical quotes from the
men and the ironic truth without getting into pathetic tones of homage.
The piece on the effects of getting stoned on Robitussin cough syrup
and resultant constipation was a good laugh. Rev. Dr. David B.2 got
the job done without becoming redundant or self-indulgent. Such
restraint is worth a dollar, I reckon.


PO BOX 293

Don't you start getting the wrong idea that this digest is the
result of a bunch of grrrls getting together and drawing for the sake of Horny Biker Slut is more graphic and sicker than even most
a zine. For better or for worse, depending upon your point of view, I'm other porno comix. John Howard and his team of artists have a
not preparing to tell you about some sort of reflections of life from a combined artistic style that is so distinct. You always know their work
woman's point of view or anything quite so honorable. This is the result whenyouseeit. They've reachedthatcertain level of proficiency. They
of a bunch of guys convincing their girlfriends and the half-drunk girlies exaggerate all the right features- especially in the sex scenes- and
they found at the corner bar to get nekkid for them to have an futher manipulates the technique to distort, make abstract, look gross,
opportunity to scribble facsimilies of their form in between gawks. or even more natural.
Throughout history, the world's greatest artists have celebrated the I mean, most men can't store that much jizz in their goobags,
female form, and now so have guys like Seth Deitch, Khoi Vinh, Paul let alone discharge it all like the guys in HBS. If they could, what sort
Neff, and Ron Rege. of new sexual territory would we cross? Would we break down any
It's also a great way to raise some quick cash. What sells sexual barriers? Would we have a new source for wallpaper paste?
betterthan the female form? Askthe b o y s on Madison Avenue. They'll And if women could really have such bodies!
tell you NOTHING can compare... in terms of sales. This will easily Look beyond the comedy in this one. The artwork is all-out
suffice as a nifty little stroke mag for at least 3 0 % of you. quality and detail. Am I making sense? Who cares! I give it a perfect
-Ed Godard 10 of 10. It's a porno lover's comic for its creativity as well as use of
every available stereotype.
(I never got a hold of #5. Howard made a reference in #6 to
some "look alike contest". Only one person sent in a photo. I know
hundreds of women- literally hundreds that fit the bill. I'd have sent in
40 a photo or two.)
-Steve Bostwick
-IINli PO BOX 26051

I 10*
$9 50 cents

If there's one thing I can't stand about a story, it's confusion Knife is cool. Chris' struggle to rediscover and reconfigure the
over who's who in the story. It might be over my head, but I'd like to encounter with mundane punk rok normatives is a fascinating
follow the story. I do believe the title is Julie on the Night Train. Why documentation of authenticity. The rant about the "pit" is tough for me
does the main character introduce herself as Carole Thomas? Sure, to understand, for I never heralded the merits of such brutality. The
she only rides the night train so she can fuck strangers, but why the oppression is brutally suburban. Dance not unless to dance to destroy
name game? Is she lying to her friends? You don't even really have heaven. Boys and grrls beware: coffe and ramblings make not an
a clue as to what her life is like outside the trains. Of course, we may Aaron Comeonme be.
not care. Layout is a provocative mess. Bad cutting eliminates all
The artwork is good- resembling that of my artistic mentor pretension which might have been conveyed by the fancy inserts and
Albrecht Durer. It's all sex, which is cool enough, but I do like a story. folded paper bits. Lost youth in the wasteland. Go to the library and
Just like so much porno, there is no substance other than the sex. it photocopy art and photography books. Oh yeah... God does swing
quickly develops into typical "just get yer rocks off" stuff. Unlike both ways, but prefers to be on top. Go finger.
cartoonish comix like Cherry Poptart or Homy Biker Slut. Julie looks like -Rev. John X. Piche'
those soap opera strips in the daily paper likeJudge Parker orwhatever.
There is an initial amount of seriousness to the first few frames, and
then... MAN B A G # 2 ^ '' "*
Y'know, a straightforward, serious plot isn't a bad thing when ARTPOLICE, INC.
you've spent good hard-earned money. When I have to look at images 4115 39th AVE S
that are supposed to be very natural and realistic, when it comes to MINNEAPOLIS MN 55406
fucking and sucking, the images had better be darn good. For 9 bucks, $2
I could have gotten a lot more elsewhere. Carole is a sexy character
in a number of the frames, and the theme has potential to make a really Hello! Open the thing a find on the inside cover a drawing of
great, sexy storyline if continued and developed. Hugdebert ought to one of those she-males- you know, both tits and a dick. Of the few
concentrate on that storyline and give it more detail- more clout, if you words inside, the first are a notice that Man Bag IS a strokebook and
know what I mean. That way the artwork wouldn't have to be all work. not much else, which is fine. I just have to tell you what sort of
Give it a 5 of 10. strokemag it is.
-Steve Bostwick Most of the drawings center around a few limited acts. Many

Manufacturer's Coupon Expires 5/15/94
have women sucking cock or with spew dripping from their noses or
chins. Others depict urination or defecation scenes. The centerfold is
an unbelievable scene of a swimming hole with eight nudes frolicking
about, a pipe dumping some kind of liquid into the hole and two of the
women shitting at poolside. The one in the foreground is on her knees
and, with her head turned around, facing the reader. The one in the
• RUSH SERVICE $2 background is dumping right into the hands of a man and another
AMOUNT ENCLOSED $ , woman. Naturally, there is one drawing of a woman shitting while
blowing a man with an oversized prong.
The best, and probably the most likely to get the producers
LUVBUNNI PRESS into court is a drawing of what appears to have been a young girl's
PO BOX 682 birthday party gone bad. The birthday clown is lying, apparently dead,
HADLEYMA 01035-0682 on the floor, with a huge bulge in his pants and a rope arourld his neck.
send stamps SIGNATURE —
Two of the little girls have their hands up their skirts. The "art" on the
I AM OVER 19 YEARS OLD & REQUEST THIS MATERIAL wall is a fuck scene.
I first met Justine when she was "vacationing" from her job as I'm more inclined to laugh at the drawings than to stroke to
a stripper in Cleveland. When, through the course of conversation, her them. These are the sorts of scenes that should be in photographic
waged activity came up, she gladly answered all my inquisitive probings pornography, just because they are so unbelievable. Leave the
with honest and articulate anecdotes. Most of what I was interested in drawings to the plain human forms where the imagination can liven
knowing dealt with locations, atmospheres, population (and responses them up. These drawings need clarity to liven them up.
therreof), and preperation (emotional and physical). The stories that Who knows if we got the right address or not. The envelope
were shared with me during that late night kitchen table conversation the zine came in had two addresses on it. A sheet of paper had yet a
overwhelmed me with emotive empathy that manifested not only as third. We went with the address that was in the return space of the
respect but also as admiration. envelope, even though it differed from the one in the zine. Confused?
This zine is a wonderful document of the struggle to make "it" So am I. Send an age statement if sending for a copy orthey won't send
fit. There can be very few writers who devestate me so totally as this it. Capice'?
woman, so I can only Fawn over her brilliant talent. If you get this zine, -Ed Godard
you will have to reconfigure some of your safe little assumptions. You
will feel the comforting embrace of a vigorous perversion searching for
outlets of autonomous expression, to me, that is what "it" is all about.
So what are you waiting for?
-Diane Shetton, ksc 41
ST LOUIS MO 63128 PO BOX 734
send stamps MT ANGEL OR 97362

Here's a short, quarter-sized little rant dealing with the anguish This is the kind of zine which gives me diarrhea and makes me
of an ex-alter boy. I never had that surge of power, standing besidethe wish to god that these types would simply stay hooked to their pathetic
annointed Holy Practitioner, assisting the performance of elaborate Internet"" , typing away to people who enjoy VTD headaches and carpel
rituals, nor have I internalized so much of my supposed guilt-ridden tunnel paining aches. Stop wasting postage and photocopying
religious background. I grew up in a pseudo-Catholic household, expenses. Lords know that I don't care if your X-mas card is now
knowing the baby jesus loved me (I trace my paedophillic leanings to beginning to scare you or what you think about the pitiful television
this fact), and I only went through a natural, and thankfully short, phase programming on Fox. No layout exists except for computer type and
where I was ashamed about touching my peeper. But never did I feel lines separating random thought from random thought. No creativity,
that God was going to punish me for it. So even though I empathize and no insight, and no purpose leaves me hating life. I SHIT on this! Stop
understand his anger and fret, I can not really sympathize. I've always all publishing activity immediately you squirmy little bootlicking worm!
wanted to have sloppy, nasty sex on the altar, right under the hanging Get a life and develop an opinion! Fuck off!
icon of the dying Christ. -Rev. John X. Piche'
This is a decent little effort, but never really gets into any good
detail about shooting one's fuck on holy ground, as the title would have Ko. 29RI-T.-. W i t h o u t *
doubt the most r e m a r k ­
me assume were to happen. Too bad, really. I wanked once in an OUIJA SCRABBLE able and I n t w l i o K and
empty confessional, but that is another story. 2:35 m y s t i f y i n g p r w i m ' t l u i i ol
t h e n ? ' ' - J Is o p e r a t i o n s Bra
-Rev. JohnX. Piche' PO BOX 136 a l w a y s Intervsilng and
s o m e t i m e s I n v a l u a b l e ; a n s w e r i n g , a s it q u e s -
Omnibus 1880s • STATION P lions concerning the past,t n.Ff^'Aifi."boi'ro.''accoro^
o OuIJa b o a r d a c e o r a j
TORONTO ONT M5S 2S7 i S ^ T ^ ^a c ^h S ^ .00
- ^ K ' w ^ » "
PO BOX 10685
PORTLAND OR 97210 I'm always pleased to find an author or artist who knows the
send stamps limitations ofthe project they're working on. Concept magazines often
wallow and die because the ideas, while good, are few. Undaunted,
Sophie came up with a great idea for a sfice-of-life zine. She certain authors and artists will milk their little good idea until it's as sour
reprints letters. Big deal? Friends, in this issue alone, we've reviewed as old curds, ten volumes, 100 pages, five episodes, twenty paintings,
the efforts of folks that write about washing dishes and about shopping or six albums too many. Rock and roll may provide the best examples
at thrift stores, so could letters have any less potential? Maybe they do of all, but that is all another story. 2:35 tells a nice, little story over the
in the sense that we as a society just don't write letters like we used to. space of 12 (including covers) pages that is better than 100,000 400-
We use buzzwords and in-crowd slang and we do it on the phone. page science fiction monstrosities.
Sophie acknowledges this and is asking for submissions of letters. The story is simple. Two friends get together for a little board
They can be things you write to her or things you've received. lm
game fun. One brings a Ouija board, the other brings Scrabble ™. One 1

In this first issue an odd letter with a 1977 postdate leads off gets the idea to combine the two for an interesting twist. The other
the submissions. It was sent to complain of abuse in the hospital by a agrees and they proceed, not before smoking a little hashish. As
semi-literate sort. A postcard from Drummond, Nebraska, home of hoped, the pair interact with the spirit world, receiving disturbing, anti­
world famous "bull shippers" (yukyuk) is reprinted. A letter from a dad social messages. Both decide to quit playing when spooked enough,
to a college bound daughter, full of "do what's best for you" fatherly watch videos, and I imagine, sought the comfort of wee bit more hash.
advice, was written in January of 1968 on board a United flight from San The images which support the tale are effective in their
Franciscoto Chicago. A postcard from Honduras follows. Little pieces photocopied simplicity. Together, the story and images support a
of scatterd lives come together, not so much to tell a particular story, strong framework, but leave enough of the decor to the reader's
but to give bits of this and that. imagination to make for a nice, thought-provoking read.
It brings to mind an interview I did with Mike Watt, who plays
bass for a group called f IREHOSE. Before the fIREHOSE days, Watt
and childhood pal D. Boon played in a very worthwhile band, the PANSY SUPERZINE #7
Minutemen, until Boon's death. Boon once suggested to Watt that he IAN
consider a change in his lyric writing. 1318 4 T H S T
Kole: Tell me about the song 'Take 5, D." send stamps
Watt: Well, the title was to get him to back off, but the lyrics were a note.
D. said, "Watt, you gotta write some more real life." So the first thing This herre's a superkool kombination of essays, short stories,
I found was a letter from the landlady. and phat cartoons which all make me very jealous since I cain't drawl.
Kole: Bad plumbing, right? AverillPark\sa series of vignettes fromchildhoodrememberances that
Watt: Yep. The caulk on the tub came loose and if you showered, the had me spooked and quite honestly disbelieving in hopes of denial. I
water would go down the walls. She wrote a note. Bad sentences. But have a hard time reviewing material such as this for it hits very close to
we made the song out of it. my turf, meaning I love it and produce similar things.
Kole: And that was real life enough. Eat this with the vigor it deserves. Intelligent, talented writers
Watt: Yep. D. loved it. and artists publishing their own madness warms the heart. Someday,
when these folks are famous and THEY are constructing literary theory
about the body of work left behind, this small packet of bandaged paper
will be marked down as privately circulated magazine/pamphlet. Get
in on the ground floor now.
42 p.s.: I didn't like Phoebe, though.
•Rev. John X. Piche'
PSYCHOTRONIC VIDEO #17 In this issue, we find Ramba under attack by snipers while
3309 RT 97 finally catching up with her villian, only to discoverthat it is someoneshe
NARROWSBURG NY 12764-6126 is familiar with and had already saught vengeance on.
$4 Marco Delizia articulates the skin tones very well with the
different characters in the story. It is very hard to manipulate black and
If you're a big fan of those classic movies we like to call white pen and ink to give a natural look to an African-American,
"BadFilm", whether they be from the 1930's, 50's, 60's or 70's; whether Hispanic, etc., but he nails it. The series suffers from the same ills as
they be horror, sci-fi, or any of the various exploitation modes; if most porn films- the dialogues are predictable and cheesy. I believe the
somehow you've missed this mag, for shit's sake, get away from the dialogue is just as legitimate and important to adult comics as to any
blue ray for more than a half and get a hold of this. Why? Well, most other comic. Still, Ramba is on the right track, even overcoming the
of us can't take the VCR to work. Psychotronic not only serves as an obvious spin-off source. Dig the simple masculine/feminine
excellent substitute for viewing but gives a heck of a lot more than the differentiation provided by Espanol. 8 of 10.
flicks themselves. -Sfeve Bostwick
Watching the flicks is great fun and to augment our viewing
want lists, Michael Weldon and staff bother to reviews flicks from the
1920's to the present. To augment the reviews, the layouts always RIOT GIRL VANCOUVER #5
incorporate the fascinating stills which were supposed to attract an HOLLIE
audience. Stills are a bigger bang for your buck today than they were PO BOX 1457
then, not just because the collecting scum hoard the things, but STATION A
because f ewthings please the eye more than the sight of the lovely still VANCOUVER BC V6C 2P7
for The Pigkeeper's Daughter. Take a seductive looking bimbette clad CANADA
in the stringiest of string bikinis, holding three piglets- one slightly send stamps
obscures each breast, and the third, while dangling by its tail, covers
the nymph's kitty cat with a devlish grin. The whole thing is topped by Is it kool? Is it sexy? Is it necessary? Is it? I sadly quote:
the caption, "she brought a new meaning to the phrase- 'DRIVING A "River (as in deadboy Phoenix), thank you for being my first
HARD BARGAIN'!", all obvious sexual overtones perfectly intentional, big crush on a guy I couldn't relate to, Shaun Cassidy doesn't count.
of course. Books and even records are also reviewed. For being the boy I dreamt wouldn't burp Burger King when we kissed.
The over-the-top aspects are the interviews and the inclusion For being a sissy-fag-nancy-boy even if you weren't. For nor being a
of some autographed photos from Johnny Ramones' collection. hunkwaitingforhis next photo shoot... For admitting we're all liars. And
Apparently the guitarist of the Ramones is a big fan of pre-1970 female for the realization that dying is the easiest part of living."
film stars as evidenced by the inclusion of stills ofthe likes of Fay Wray, I thank River for being a money-grubbing-drug-addicted-
Elsa Lancaster, Marie Windsor, Vampira, and the knife-wielding Irish fucked-up-rich-hippie-boy andforprovingthat with fame comes cliche'.
McCalla. It's cute to think of Johnny approaching these women, pen I thank river for dying a star's death, running the full gamut and
in hand saying, "uhhmm... I'm a real big fan of yours... I've seen every solidifying the corporate marketing scheme. This generation has been
movie you've ever been in and, uhhmm, I was wondering if you could, hand-delivered its James Dean, Jim Morrison, and Caesar Chavez all
uhhmmm..well, it's for my brother... his name is uhhh, John". Andthey rolled into one greasy-haired, cold, sex kitten. What has this got to do
smile knowingly and write, ' T o John- All The Best!", wink at him and with a Riot Grrrl fanzine? Well, this is a sloppy, boring mess. Where
say, "here's the autograph for your brother., is he in your band, too Mr. is the anger? Where is the power?
Ramone?" or some such thing. •Diane Shelton, ksc.
Oh, and interviews. Subjects this issue are Robert Clarke,
Radley Metzger, James Best, and Stuart Lancaster. None seems to be
featured for what I would have thought to be the obvious reasons. I ROLLERDERBY #12 GIRLS HOT FOR GUYS WITHOUT A CLUE
know Best as ol' Boss Hogg from the Dukes of Hazzard show, but he PO BOX 424762
appeared in a slew of flicks, including the Ma and Pa Kettle things, The SAN FRANCISCO CA 94142-4762
Beast From 20,000 Fathoms, the incredible Forbidden Planet, etc.
Lancaster was, of course, the "old Man" in Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Although #12 isn't exactly current (it's up to #14 by now,
but also the grandson of one of the Ringling Brothers of circus fame. methinks), it is as representative of what goes on in the Derby pages
Psychotronic is a FANzine done right. The content is excellent, as any other. If you haven't picked up a copy yet, Rollerderby is the
composed of real substance in place or the usual duh-fan raving. Hell, brainchild of one Lisa Suckdog, the performance "artist" who toured
the o b i t u a r i e s in PV are worth more than half of the 50s horror zines doing an "opera" called "Lost Kittens". This chaotic show consisted of
combined. Best of all, it's bursting from the saddle stitching with great Lisa, her Francophone friend Costes, and others running around,
photos that make time travel seem like reality. It makes me want to load screaming and punching at the audience. High points were the use of
up the convertible with bags of chow and head for the drive-in and the litter box by the female "kittens" and Costes throwing the result at
commandeered it from the flea market folks. the crowd.
What's that got to do with the zine? Plenty. That background
info puts everything in greater perspective and in fact, enhances the
PO BOX 25070
TREAT ME frying pan-over-head effect infinitely.
You see, the persona of the zine is that of a girl about 9 years
old with visions romantic and innocent. Lisa stumbles onto forceful
SEATTLE WA 98125-1970
Ramba is a very strong oncoming legend in the adult comic
female personalities like Lydia Lunch and totally disarms her in a way
a male couldn't- by talking about makeup. Ms. Lunch realizes the ploy
and tries to re-establish a tone of force, and comes off as well as a zit-
faced teenaged heavy metal fanatic trying to convince some chick how
world, with all ten episodes appearing within the short span of two tough he is because he listens to metal.
years. Ramba is very sexy and makes Sly Stallone look royally pussy- Lisa likes to interview her mom, which is just
whipped. She goes through all sorts of torture and never has trouble incredible. What would your mamma say if she knew you
finding trouble. went around the country throwing soiled kittly litter at
people who paid to see you perform half-naked?
Mom knows what Lisa does, yet she tells her all of these embarassing, Just when it looks like this may be happening, a superhero
personal things, when being interviewed. Check this out: type comic appears. Editor RL Porter took a strip and changed the
dialogue to create a story featuring a Samsonesque caped hero who
LISA: What do you think is men's ideal body part? requires beer and fine Cuban cigars for strength. For lunch, he and his
MARY ELLEN (Lisa's Mom): When I grew up in the 60s, it was big sidekick rope an airplane-sized eagle, yet must join forces with another
breasts. superhero who has beer.
Lisa: Period? Oh well. So it ain't a fanzine. Time will tell where this will go.
Mary Ellen: Well, and then they might get around to eventually looking
at the legs.
Lisa: You used to wear padded bras. SUPER ABSORBANT ANTI-CHRIST #1
Mary Ellen: Oh, yes. You better not putthis in yourpaper, but I told you ANDREW
about the one with the removable inserts. When I was young and some PO BOX 3267
guy wanted to... ahem, make out, then I would... SAN DIEGO CA 92163-1267
{emphasis supplied) send stamps
It's the personality, folks. It's downright incredible. So you
have this 9 year old girl persona and then you have mom talking about We need to work toward flooding the market- even if for the
getting it on, and I forgot to mention the photos. Friends, the photos are moment merely the intellectual market- with a mass of desires whose
pure sex appeal. Mighty twisted, but appealing on a r a t h e r contradictory realization is not beyond the capacity of man's present means of action
level. They play into that "it could never happen to me" notion. The in the material world, but only beyond the capacity of the old social
cover girl is in her nightie, her man is face down in bed, blood is organization.
splattered all over the walls, and A GUN is in her hand. Male readers With the previous venomous statement of purpose my penis
are going to look at this girl and think, "Hmmm. Nice legs... Yeah... became erect and I prepared myself for the proto-Facualt/Marxists/
great legs... Cute face, I guess... in bed... ready to go... I'd do her..." Sftuationist stimulation that gets me off really quickly. Sadly, this
HEY STUPID! She's got a gun, smart guy! Oh... that's right. degenerates from goading me to action to making me mad that the
She'd never do that to you. Things like that neverhappen to you. The ideas were so unnaturally underdeveloped, the potential for calibrated
female spider kills her mate after the deed's been done... unless It's analysis is overwhelming, yet we slide into a killzone of populare
you. Sure. kulture-Twin Peaks. Phantasm. andXenogenesis. The microwave of
The comics supplied by Lisa's friend Dame Darcy summarize Andrew's brain has left me with only the surface heated and the good
all of the feelings conveyed in what is perhaps the perfect format for middle section refrigerator cold. The mission remains viable and the
doing so and in the perfect style. They're fairly amaturish, occaionally structure will be torn down, just that much more slowly.
roughly depicted, happy-go-lucky, semi-fictional creations situated in -Rev. John X. Piche'
chaotic landscapes. (Darcy drew this issue's center spread an!)
Other discussions involve her night owl, hill jack neighbors
and the trials and tribulations therein. The point is, the personality of SWITCH HITTER #1
the zine is paralleled by few others (Nuthing Sacredcomes to mind). 955 MASSACHUSETTS AVE #148
Zines that try hard to be personal or that are one-sided reports of "what CAMBRIDGE MA 02139
I've done" usually come off as conceited or trivial. Rollerderby is $2
neither, but rather is incredibly interesting and stimulating on several
levels most anyone can relate to. Intellectual snobbery is checked at One out, bottom of the ninth, a runner on third. Johnson
the door. No high-faluting sense of bearing or importance exists comes to the plate. In the sixth, facing Veeblefetser, Johnson swung
whatsoever. Rollerderby is pure fun and is recommended. right. Here against Jerky he'll move to the left side in hopes of pulling
the ball into right field and bringing in the winning run.
Fine, but that's not what this one's about. The old joke goes
SMITE #1 that bisexuals have twice as good a chance of finding a date than a
PO BOX 624 straight or a homo and it stands to reason. Of course, Daddy tought me
DIBOLLTX 75941 that a man doesn't f uckanother man, but I'd be lying if I said the thought
$1 hadn't crossed my mind. Plenty of times before my short-lived
marriage (and swearing off of women- won't go near 'em) I used to get
Many publications are casually referred to as zines as being all bummed out if I didn't have a date on a Saturday night. So every now
short for fanzine rather than magazine. What's the point? The premier and then, I thought about it.
issue of SMITE is neither. A quarter of this 12-pager is dedicated to The writers haven't just thought about it. They've done it and
giving Gilligan's Island the sort of stream-of -consciousness questioning some have been kind enough to tell'us about it. One woman had a bad
Andy Rooney might give to, say, toast. marital experience with a woman and she finally ended up marrying a
"Have you ever wondered why people eat toast for breakfast, man. The tale of coming to grips with the idea of never going on another
but not dinner"? "Have you ever wondered why the Professor brought muff-dive and of retaining credibility with militant GAY friends is a great
so much equipment for a three-hour tour"? "Was he selling secrets to study in coping.
the Red Chinese"? etc... Most of the rest deals with the joy of getting off with both
An honest-to-goodness Gilligan FANzine would have sexes. Commentary comes from both men and women so as to give
dedicated all of its pages to the castaways, spinoffs and other related better perspective to readers regardless of gender, but the tone is
stuff. Just when Smite gets into obsessive gear, it turns attention to the largely female, which is real refreshing to anybody who's read more
sorry Star Trek v. Star Trek The Next Generation debate. OK, so it than one skinmag in the last year. The stroke poetry and stories are
could be a 60's TV fanzine. written by women- actual women, not the college-boy, intern geeks that
invent the stuff for most strokemags. The cybersex fantasy thing with
interchangable organs for all participants was amazing. Made me want
to get a computer. I'll want to get the next issue to see what their call
for submissions dredges up.
-Ed Godard
The Journal of Imaginative Trouble 1703 18th AVE
POBOX 45758 SEATTLE WA 98122
SEATTLE WA 98145 $2

This is what Croatan Express is not. This is published by Let's face it. The world of science really is filled up with a
Antero Alii, who is an integral cog in the inner machinations of the whole stockpile of boring, plastic pocket protector wearing nerds. Those
post-whatevercircleofthesurrentAmericanundergroundintelligentsia. brimming with creativity usually weed themselves out before succumbing
This particular issue of folded newspaper deals with weather, to insanity, although a few devise coping methods. This zine is one
various peoples' views on it, meta physical theories, and poo'et'tree. such example.
Cain't say that I was moved to tears, but I did get a semi-erect peeper Who but a bored scientist would create a phony news flash
once or twice during the interview with Inga Muscio. The other introducing a new male contraceptive? A pervert? Granted. They
interviews with professional artists, weathermen, and scientists are devised something called the "Umbrelty", a device to be shoved
okay, but didn't merit more than a quick overview. Other issues are through the head of the penis and into the scrotum where it opens like
probably a ton more fun... this is the precursor to what is known in the an umbrella where the spermicide exists. The creators of the device
business as das shit. Thank you for your patience. were reported to be quite pleased with the experiments, which left only
-Rev. JohnX. Piche' a few male grad students dead, with most experiencing bleeding.
Makes you wanna get one, right guys?
. — < c ^ D > — A most useful article gives how-to's and what-to-look-for's
whenassistingand/orparticipatinginautoerotfcasphyxiation. Naturally,
THE THIEF AND THE LYRE #1 all of the biological functions are described and this is helpful in
LAARS understanding why one might want to tie a cord around one's neck
P O B O X 6261 while getting off. An entertaining short bit fondly recounts early
DAYTONA BEACH FL 32122 introductions to science by a bigger, stronger older sister.
2 stamps Chalk one up to boredom yet again. Actually, the scientific
field is one that has gone largely untapped by the zine world, at least
All right. This zine has something to say. Well, not really. But in this vein. The two writers of Tortured Scientist are good enough
at least it has a very nice narrative style- very personable, very writers to bring lofty items down to commoner level and throw humor
believable at least. There isn't a serf-conscious conceit such as "I am in for good measure. We'll look forward to future, hopefully larger
now WRITING for others to read what I have to say". Instead, we get issues.
the editor's ramblings on haircuts, rebuttals to newspaper propaganda,
crude cartoons, andtiny scrawled printing relatingthefucked-up nature
of reality. Is ft groundbreaking? Nope. The layout is bland and too
white, but the attitude is way kool so send your stamps tonight.
-Rev. John X. Piche' BOOKS
PO BOX 90282
$1 BOULDER CO 80306
Goddamned sonofabrtch fucked you over again? Was this
The essence of it all? Quite possibly. Having eschewed the
time the last straw? Tried every imaginable compassionate, congenial,
information highway for the dirt road except in cases where we can
reasonable way to explain to the motherf uckerthat you don't appreciate
pillage it for our own gain, Thrift Score does likewise to the overpriced,
their actions and stilUhey just don't get it? Want to GET EVEN? Of
largely useless retail goods we were supposed to want and buy 20
course you do, and you have arrived at just the right place to get your
years ago. Nevermind current "hip", "cool" grunge fashion. Thrifting
provides economy and kitsch art, something Madison avenue only
Oh, the author and publisher both go out of their way to let the
pretends to give, and only occasionally at that.
reader know that Hayduke's techniques are to be taken in f o r
What is the singlemost entertaining source of laughter and
entertainment a n d information p u r p o s e s o n l y . Right. Like the
embarassment in your parents'house? The photo album, of course.
codiene cough syrup is for medicinal purposes only. Sure. Well, if
Haw, haw- look at those glasses you got on there, mom! Hey, pop- dig
taken strictly as entertainment, you can't lose. Hayduks spins a good
those sideburns. Where'd you get those pants? I say, construct a
yarn and doesn't tangle it all up with extraneous nonsense. He cuts to
shrine of this stuff. Let it serve as a reminder that most of the junk we
the quick with his short tales of vengeance, happilly throwing around
think we need is actual crapolathat will be laughed at by our offspring
the vernacular in a down-to-earth fashion. Of course, this again
in 20 years. Fill a room with the junk. Frame it or place it on a pedestal.
reminds us that Hayduke and his friends are not mere theorists. They
Let it always alert us that our money can be spent on better things, and
are do-ers and they will quickly stimulate the minds of other action-
in 20 years, if we still want it, we can get it at 5% of the original cost.
oriented folks.
In celebration of the hunting and gathering of such items, this
Most importantly, Hayduke gives pointers on how to avoid
zine has been produced. Reader participation is sought in the hopes
detection. If you seriously plan to fuck with a genuine dickhead, odds
of a wider sharing in tales of retrieving trashed pop culture. We'd
are that if caught, the dickhead will do everything he can
previously found a great zine (8-TRACK MIND / PO Box 90 / East
to exact revenge on you. Why create a vicious circle? Do
Detroit Ml 48021 -0090) which caters to only one little niche in this field
it right. The best tip? Forget about your target (herein
and are glad to find one willing to explore the whole realm. There's soul
called a "mark") for at least 6 months. If you act to soon,
in them old bins.
you'll be the obvious suspect. A friend of mine got a
parking ticket in a particular city. Cost him $40. He decided to exact CASEBOOK ON ALTERNATIVE 3
in revenge about 100 times that amount about a year after paying the UFOs, Secret Societies and World Control
fine. Late one night, he returned to that particular c'rry and shot out all By JIM KEITH
of the lights on a particular street. When you figure in manpower hours ILLUMINET PRESS
to the cost of new bulbs and covers, the city really took a beating on that PO BOX 2808
$40 fine! LILBURN GA 30226
The list of potential gags to play out on potential marks is $12.95
huge. Scan this list to see if these individuals or businesses might have
earned your ire: pro-lifers, bullies, landlords, drunks, bar owners or ALTERNATIVE 3 was the name of a special April Fool's Day
patrons, bosses, neighbors, bankers, police, etc. A potential list of 1977 edition of Anglia TV's programme SCIENCE REPORT. It
props includes: explosives, drugs, plants, police, Q-tips, paint, mail, detailed a plan by wealthy conspirators to leave the earth; leaving ft
and computers. If you want to get a little more sophisticated, there is a smouldering wreck and feave it for a moon satellite station.
even a list of sources for catalogs of odd things that might be useful (see Har har har. What a maroon.
the Loompanics, Delta, Eden, etc. catalogs and reviewsthroughout our Then a couple of writers decide the show was a good gag
pages). and could pull in a few bucks in paperback sales, so they develop (i.e.:
You'll read it from cover to cover in about 2-3 hours and if Americanize and pad) the story and shuck it out there for the masses.
when finished you're not plotting and planning, you may wish to check Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw.
out any of the dozen or so other similar books penned by George Then the writers started getting mysterious threats and
Hayduke. Hell, it even comes in a nifty hardcover version, but be warnings and they wondered why. Their book was a work of fiction
advised: Hayduke recommends that if pulling of a particularly nasty (and plaigerism), right? Maybe they were really on to something...
stunt, you should AVOID HAVING HIS BOOKS IN YOUR HOUSE AT Of course, that'sthetack Jim Kefth takes. Fromthis position,
ALL COSTS!!! Good advice, George. he opens a m o n s t r o u s can of worms, only one of which I'll discuss in
any sort of marginal detail. The reason for that is the number of plots
Kefth discusses is so large, I could devote an entire zine to the
LIKE A GOD I LOVE ALL THINGS discussion of each. Besides, I have no idea to which, if any,
by BILLY CHILDISH conspiracy theories any of you accept, but even the ardent followers
HANGMAN BOOKS have some that they reject out of hand. Keith proposes such an
2 MAY ROAD onslaught of plots that at several points during this book, any reader
ROCHESTER will have to pause, drop the book into the lap with the jaw not far
KENT ME1 2HY behind. I honestly had my mind blown as I felt like a stupid fucking
ENGLAND pawn, falling for the simplest ruses, helping the conspirators get their
way. To illustrate, I'll discuss just one item: drugs.
Poetry, shmoetry. So much involves an attemptto one-up the By and by, Keith paints the picture of a consortium of wealthy
reader by using words only a handful of us have ever seen, much less conspirators. Their objective is to accumulate greater amounts of
understand. Leave it to a seemingly semi-literate dislexic, best known wealth at every turn. A complacent and docile populace helps grease
for his efforts in various R'n'B-styled rock groups (The Milkshakes, the wheels of commerce. Drugs are an incredibly profitable commod­
Thee Mighty Caesars, Thee Headcoats, etc.) to reach down into his ity. They're cheap to produce and easy to sell. With key U.S.
soul and express some rather down-to-earth and genuine feelings. Governmental officials underfoot, the Conspiracy concocts the War
The book is augmented by the woodcut art of the writer. The On Drugs in order to stimulate demand and "reduce" supply. Mostly,
simplicity of the crude depictions, rendered here in black and white, supply is thought by the public to be reduced, so they are willing to
work well with the simplicity ofthe words. Here's a man who was raised accept higher prices. So they give more and more money to the
in a depressed industrial city, Kent, realized the bleak future that Conspiracy and make themselves more and more complacent.
awaited him, and even though he has experienced moderate success Imagine howcontemptable agitators for legalized drugs look
through his music, he carries the bitterness of being misled by the lies to anyone who accepts the above conditions as existing!
and promises of the industrial age. And you gotta love a guy who sings But the War on Drugs cannot be supported because to do so
the praises of four letter words in a poem. The worst of the lot? 'Take", is to support the oppression of our neighbors who have been duped
which ranks ahead of "fuck" and "cunt" in Childish's poem. into using drugs. To support the War on Drugs is to give approval to
I guess the most jarring thing to me is the realization of all this a government which allows its military to violate the sovereignty of
is. Poetry has always meant for me an opportunity to be an avenue of nations like Panama and Columbia. To support the War on Drugs is
lyrical expression. Of course it can mean a million other things, but I to give approval to a government that is accountable to a few rather
tend to look for something personal or real. It is to my complete and than all. So what is the position to take? This will scare the shit out
utter astonishment that I have come to find exactly thatirom someone of you. I know it did me. JUST SAY NO.
I had come to "know" as something of a gutteral rocker. The surprise For shit's sake, isnt that pathetic? The words of fucking
only partially lies in the fact that it is Childish that penned the lines. That Nancy Reagan are actually pretty damned good advice. Most so-
a rocker's poetry has come to belie anything but, and I hate this called "free thinkers", "open-minded individuals", lefties, anti-big
overused, underunderstood word, pretension, blows me away. Rockers business people just aren't going to be able to swallow that one. Yet,
always seem to be interested in getting laid after the show or scoring the only way to avoid the Conspiracy is to do just that- avoid it like the
that record contract. These days, the most pure of the bunch tend plague. Any time you smoke a little pot, you fund the Conspiracy. Any
merely to be after some bonding, usually male. Poets so often seem time you vote Democrat or Republican, you help the Conspiracy. You
to go out of their way to use big words, or crazy speech patterns, or have to live it and teach your kids to live it. It's work and aint gonna
shocking language just to make some sort of impression. Rarely does be solved like a 30-minute TV sitcom. It's everything the whitebread
either form strike me as arriving at something I might call "art". "newconseratives" like Quayle have been talking about and it makes
Goddamn me if Billy Childish doesn't do it here. me want to commit hari-kari rather than admit Quayle is right.
I'm not goingto invent accolades for him like "genius" This isn't necessarily Keith's conclusion- it's mine, but is the
' \ or anything like that. All he did was drop some words on result of anatyzingthe presentation. Keith presents "explanations"for
AfL a page that represented something in his guts. To me crop circles, UFOs, Jonestown, NASA, etc. here for greater thought
FRY/ that's an artistic thing. It's real and it's worthwhile. and debate. It's an amazing can of worms and will thoroughly
challenge even the most "open-minded" of you.
Half of the humans still feel compelled to work even though
there is a significant threat to their well-being. Some have decided to

et teteta watch TV. Others sat down to eat. A couple makes out. Some hold
others at gunpoint. Very few are attempting anything that seems
remotely connected with survival.
Just like real life, huh? The wee, little difference is that instead
of aliens, the humans have given into those who'd have us work instead
of play, workto buy shit we don't need, watch TV instead of think, give
THE UNDERGROUND CULTURE VULTURE up instead of fight back. The cheap thing I kept referring to is the shitty
Packagejvlo. 3 • experience many people have and insist on continuing to refer to as
408 WASHINGTON NW ' "their lives".
WARRENOH 4 4 4 8 3 ; T . Another great scene, if you buy the idea that the aliens
$10 represent human leaders, is one of a UFO dropping blank cartoon
quote balloons onto earth. The message? Business and political
|f,dall reading Re/Search's Incredibly Strange Music leaders draw from an endless supply of meaningless empty quotes to
compendium did for you was make you want to go out and hear some numb and pacify us and think nothing of it. In fact, that was my first
of that arcane junk, but frustrated at where to find any of it- especially reaction to the scene- nothing. It isn't until you stop and associate each
the pre-1970, LPs- consider getting a hold of these folks. Be advised item in the depiction and realize exactly what it is that the meaning hits.
that they deal in cash only. •-. Jabs aren't just taken at the "regular" zombies. The UFO
Iptheirvenerable Package No.3 we found aset of homemade paranoia and other conspiracy paranoia sufferers are fair game too. A
cards, vaguely styled like those hip Ed Wood, et ai, tradingcards. Each stickfigure rendition of the JFK assassination is completed by a saucer-
has a reproduction of those arcane albumcovers adorned with rubber shaped brain fragment. A farmland crop circle scene is mocked by
stamp art and quick commentary. Thecards will have a warm, familiar wailing little stick figures under the shadow of a saucer. A little card,
feel for anybody who has seen and enjoyed any one of the myriad zines called the Real Life Viewer reads, "punch holes as shown as see what
which culls art from such esoterica. Think B-movies, Betty Page, really goes on when no one thinks you're watching" as if Barker waves
ukelele's, Christian guiter st rummers and the Salvation Army thrift store the secret answer that only he can tell you about in front of the lucky
record rack. The.set directly corresponds to the cassette zine, which beholder, when all one will ever see is the same thing they would have
samples these albums. Seeing Jim Jones on one card caused me to except that this little card obstructs t h e view a bit.
frantically play havoc on my deck's fast forward, stop, and play buttons The big, swank package of goodies goes for $14, but he'll
in search for this particular snippet. Not having heard any of this send you a goodie forf ree if you send an SASE. The package includes
balderdash before, therefore ending up lost and dizzy, I gave up my the more-illustration-than-printed-word Schwa book, stickers, an alien
search for Mr. Kool-Aid, rewound, ahd listened from the beginning. invasion survival card, post cards, a key chain, credit card, and even
What a trip! The compilation creates the most unwittingly an alien necklace.
bizarre collage of skronks, spiels, and sonatas unrivaled by much of
even the most, innovative college radio experimentation I've heard.
Before any one of the clips starts to get stupid, the narrator fades the MIND CONTROL IN AMERICA
sounds down and just reads liner notes from the LPs. Anyone who has STEVEN JACOBSON/MCiA MEDIA
read the "hip, with-it" liner notes of the albums of yesteryear knows what PO BOX 15734
chuckles can be gleaned from such activity. Before the occasionally WINSTON-SALEM NC 27113
stumbling narrator becomes hard to tolerate, he's moved to a new clip. $12
The tape aione would make for great radio. The cards rounds
out one of the best audio fanzines I've ever experienced. Here's hoping The majority of the ideas expressed on this audio cassette will
they do more in this format. Apparently, they've assembled about 100 not surprise any of our readers. Most seem to accept the existence of
tapes of the albums they've sampled here. Who knows what goodies some sort of conspiracies- whomever may be being them. Jacobson
lurk from just around our corner in nearby Warren. waits until the very end of the tape to reveal the aim of the conspirators,
building his case by explaining what propaganda must do in order to
work and how communications media are used to do the job.
SCHWA The starkest example of a successful propaganda campaign
BOX 6064 is his discussion ofthe film "Reefer Madness". Jacobson argues that
RENO NV 89513 the film actually helped create America's drug problems by suggesting
to parents that marijuana was athreat to youth- even though American
youth weren't using marijuana. At the same time, it showed young
people having fun smoking pot, creating youthful curiosity in the drug.
You've seen some of the art of Bill Barker and Scwha in the
My high school chums used to watch Reefer Madness while smoking
pages of our last issue and throughout this one. All of it is styled in
pot and laughing at the whole thing... how ironic is thaV.
minimalist geometrically defined drawings relying upon sharp lines of
contrast using only by black and white. What is it all about? Is it just Jacobson's ultimate conclusion is that the conspiracies exist
a bunch of cheap cartoons using a cheap style and cheaper design to keep us caught up in the chase for material pleasures in orderto keep
exploiting the cheapest scene covered by the cheap, grocery store us from our spiritual development. Why would they do that? Because
rags (UFOs)? Well, not much. I'll explain later. they are themselves unable to develop spiritually, so they would like to
t < : Each frame in the boo k te I Is a story of its own while contributing prevent all the rest of us. I agree thatthe conspiracies exist to keep us
3 r n

to a greater story. Examine the "Lost Time Detector" scene on Page materially enslaved, but I'm not convinced that They are trying to keep
52. What do you see? A bunch of stick figures (humans) are at work us from knowing God. If they are, and Jacobson is right (for who really
while an alien abduction is taking place. Look at the various stick knows when dealing with spiritual matters), the plot is without question
figures. About half are totally oblivious to the action taking place, which the most devious and sinister plan ever hatched and
is remarkable, considering the bulk of the pages in the book which lead
should evoke the mass assassinations of the wealthy.
up to this page built up the idea that the aliens are to be feared because Without question the presentation is extremely
they may start abducting humans! ;:
' thought-provoking. It may even change the way you live
your life- if you dare to challenge yourself.
Bark Psychosis T o m Cora '~ -
"Hex" "Gumption In L i m b o " C D
Caroline R e c o r d s Sound Aspects
BOX 1150
A little m a n w h o lives inside a m u s h r o o m told m e about D-7150 B A C K N A N G
this b a n d . H e s a i d , "put it o n a n d y e shall d o a little dance". S o GERMANY
I d i d , a n d I s w a y e d a n d b o w e d t o a n hour long shot of pleasant
melodies a n d h a r m o n i e s . T h e cello is o n e of m y favorite acoustic stringed
N o w , I'm not g o i n g to give a n y b a c k g r o u n d o n t h e s e instruments for m a n y reasons. Mainly, its t o n e s are much
guys b e c a u s e 1) I don't h a v e a n y a n d 2) I'm not going t o w a s t e w a r m e r than t h o s e of t h e violin, viola or b a s s , especially the
my time b e g g i n g Caroline t o s e n d m e data f o r t h i s little magazine. lowest t w o or three o c t a v e s . T h e violin simply cannot produce
W h a t I c a n tell y o u is this: if y o u r interests range f r o m mid-1970s t h e s e pitches a n d while t h e viola c a n , it cannot match the
G e r m a n p r o g rock t o latter d a y v o x / f e e d b a c k b a n d s like w a r m t h . T h e b a s s c a n m a t c h t h e w a r m t h in its upper reaches,
Spiritualized a n d Bear Quartet, y o u won't regret hearing this. but t h e n , w h o plays a s o l o b a s s fiddle?
S e v e n s o n g s m a k e up H e x a n d e a c h o n e builds upon While most folks wouldn't even consider these
the former. Personally, I h a v e a bias for "Absent Friend" and instruments if about t o create s o m e c a r e e n i n g scree, opting
"Pendulum M a n " w h i c h provide a great amount of consciousness instead for a distorted electric guitar, t h e classics are a fine
relaxation- great for t h o s e of y o u w h o play with mind machines source. A n y o n e w h o doesn't k n o w h o w to properly d r a w the
a n d other n e w a g e bullshit. bow across the strings is b o u n d to s c r a p e t h e bridge, slide the
I'm not s u r e w h a t t y p e of equipment they use however. horsehair screechingly, o r c r o s s t h e bridge a n d play on the
G r a n t e d , there a r e the guitars a n d p e r c u s s i o n , but the effects wrong side c a u s i n g w e a k , fuzzy t o n e s . T h e novice doesn't
they c a n c r e a t e s e e m to g o b e y o n d t h e standard pedals, effects know how to vibrate by "rolling" t h e finger rapidly over the string
machines, efc. Fuck old-timers like Eno, Sylvian, a n d other so- o n the fingerboard. N o v i c e s c a n c r e a t e all sorts of ugly sounds
called a m b i e n t g u r u s . B a r k Psychosis a r e part of the n e w breed o n a cello without even trying. I m a g i n e w h a t c a n b e produced
of musicians offering y o u t h e latest in a series of mind expansion by s o m e o n e w h o knows his instrument.
audio infiltration repertoire. T o m C o r a k n o w s his cello. T o great effect, he combines
-John Turnipsmidgeon the w a r m e s t , richest t o n e s with skronks a n d s q u e a l s to create
a rather interesting thing to listen t o . N o o n e s o n g s o u n d s quite
like t h e o n e before it a s f r o m s o n g to s o n g , Cora varies his
Lou B's Acoustic S e n t r i d o h emphasis f r o m racing melodies, to a s s o r t m e n t s of noises, to
" W a s t e d Pieces... ' 8 7 - ' 9 3 " c a s s e t t e double-stop d o m i n a t e d h a r m o n i e s , a n d occasionally tosses it
Shrimper all intothe same stew. Unlike so m a n y experimental compostional
P O B O X 1837 efforts w h i c h lack melody, C o r a gives just e n o u g h for those of
UPLAND CA 91737 us with shorter attention s p a n s t o h a n g o n to while grasping the
other c h a n c e s he t a k e s . His current association with British
I don't k n o w if S e b a d o h brainforce Lou Barlow develops poltical rockers T h e Ex s h o u l d give o t h e r s a g o o d enough
his s o n g s by s t r u m m i n g a n d singing in the b e d r o o m onto c h e a p excuse to c h e c k this out, d e s p i t e t h e a b s e n s e of distorted
tapes, listening t o t h e r a w v e r s i o n s , a n d t h e n imagining other guitars, d r u m s a n d t h e b e l e a g u r e d English language. His
parts for his b a n d m a t e s or for o v e r d u b s in the studio, but it sure previous entanglements with E u g e n e C h a d b o u r n e also help tie
s o u n d s like t h e s e so-called " w a s t e d pieces" could b e little else. up t h e loose e n d s a n d help explain this t h i n g t o t h o s e w h o only
T h e raw recordings a n d t h e simplicity of Barlow a n d , in most know of him t h r o u g h the Ex.
c a s e s , just his guitar s e e m like blueprints for a S e b a d o h a l b u m .
Of c o u r s e , that's all s u p p o s i t i o n . W h a t is here a r e s o m e
23 bits w h i c h t e n d to c o n v e y t h e c o m p o n e n t s of S e b a d o h in a D a m e Darcy
p i e c e m e a l f a s h i o n . W h a t ' s that? It's equal parts harsh self- "Mexican Crawling Poppy S e e d " 7"
analysis, lost o r w o u l d - b e love, a sweet, soothing voice, screams, Nuf S e d
songs that roar or build in a fantastic crescendo, or even PO Box 5 9 1 0 7 5
grinding white noise. Occasionally w h e n listening to S e b a d o h San Francisco C A 9 4 1 5 9
records, I get t h e feeling that B a r l o w ' s feelings are muffled by
the din of the b a n d or t h e effects swirling f r o m Lou's guitar. This After presenting her d r a w i n g s in our center spread and
a n d other S e n t r i d o h t a p e s t e n d s t o benefit f r o m talking about t h e m in relation t o R O L L E R D E R B Y , t h e Dame
i ii b e i n g stripped of, or m o r e accurately, having never Darcy Exposition here c o m e s full circle with a review of her
Zj].^ been given t h e rock'n'roll treatment a n d a s a result, debut (I presume) record, w h i c h naturally is graced by her
. best c o n v e y Barlow's e m o t i o n s . drawings on t h e cover.
i To anyone who has studied her drawings for any length, the Look for the vinyl if you must buy because the packaging is
images of a speed-driven post-teen nymph with a predilection for super deluxe. The other pleasant surprise is the cover version of
things antique, especially clothing, are well established, it should come Suede's 'The Drowners," which is completely turned upside down,
as no surprise, then, that her music is in a similar vein. Imagine a feedback takes the place of the original's nasal vocals, and rocks out
cacophony of sound- not fueled by overcranked electric guitars and in a Susan B. Anthony kind of way. I like it, so there.
amps, but by a banjo, auto harp, and xylophone. Add the sort of syrupy -John Turnipsmidgeon
vocals crooned by singers of 1920s ballads, often interspersed with
odd shrieks or whistling plied directly overtop that lot. Some of these
psych bands like to believe they've invented the perfect time machine, Distorted Pony
and maybe they have, but Darcy has invented the perfectly fucked-up "Instant Winner" LP
time machine, throwing notions like wasting time and having sheer fun Trance Syndicate
intothe mix. It is, however, virtually unlistenable to those expecting the
perfect time machine, or even music.
New LP, new label. Moving from that old California label (and
former zine -ed) Bomp! to Trance have resulted in a more powerful
Flying Saucer Attack s/t LP output, both in terms of volume and songwriting. Although Punishment
VHF Records Room was a consistent effort, it didn't contain the harshness which is
PO BOX 7365 conveyed here. Pounding bass lines are all over the place as well as
FAIRFAX STATION VA 22039 the Scorn-like guitars which seem to be tuned down throughout the
whole record.
Well, I had heard the hype about these guys from the people Listening to this in its entirety reminds me of the carousel
at Bomp! Records, that silly rotund BBC DJ John Peel, and others who scene in Hitchcock's Strangers on a Train. There I was, trapped in a
raved about how these guys were the next Spacemen 3. Anyhow, I've powerful whirlwind, hunting down the source of my distant displeasure
heard it, and my initial reaction was, "yeah,, ok, but nothing really, while the outside world pays no attention. Farfetched? Ihopeso! You
gripping, don't know if it'll ever get more than 2-3 plays." see, I'm using this review as an attempt to get a job with the asskissers
But alas, on a day of utter boredom, I put this back in the CD at CMJ [College Music Journal-Ed.}. Anyhow, I realiy enjoy this record
player and it began to take over my senses. Songs like "Wish," "My overall. Furthermore, I'm glad to see Trance building a strong cast of
Dreaming Hill," and "Still" bleed with feedback and various hisses and bands. Now, if they can only cut loose the shit on their roster (Crunt and
scronks (sounds I very much enjoy). Take the brilliant Perfect the Cherubs). Adios, Satanos...
Prescription, add a dash of Red Krayola, and a dash of Columbus, -John Turnipsmidgeon
Ohio's Stupid Fuckin' Hippie, and you get something called Flying
Saucer Attack.


SSRTIJCRM * (fail ()/H/e/ f

Gmlomei* ofthe ijear


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///> - Deon Ayre-Smith (VENTURA, C A >

P.O. B O X 4 1 9 0 9 2 , S A N FRANCISCO, CA 9 4 1 4 1 - 9 0 9 2 , U.S.A.

"Gas, G r a s s or A s s " 7"
fairri $onc Orchestra Hell Y e a h !
T h e long-awaited alluring instrumental
P O B O X 1975
album from B U R B A N K C A 91507
l e a d e r of";
Although they call it "country music without the 'o'",
I'dl BUG P O J I D O I N G .
T h e first r e l e a s e i n o v e r t w o y e a r s , f e a t u r i n g musically t h e s e c h e e s e b a l l s give t h e n o d to fairly authentic
3 collaboration with n e w music musicians sounding 1970s S o u t h e r n rock. This c a m e a s absolutely no
E l l EN F U 1 1 M A S , surprise, since t h e front c o v e r is a d o r n e d by s o m e girl's ass, only
slightly o b s c u r e d by torn cut-off j e a n s . T h e rear photo features
a n d m e m b e r s of Poi D o g P o n d e r i n g
including 8 "hicks" c r a m m e d into s o m e b o d y ' s kitchen. T h e parody is
S U S A N V O E I Z bound to offend most e v e r y b o d y f r o m Dixie w h o lacks a sense
find D A V E MAX CRAWFORD. : of humor... in other w o r d s , most e v e r y b o d y f r o m Dixie thanks to
R e c o r d e d in H o n o l u l u , A u s t i n a n d Chicago.
the total insult dealt t h e s e folks t h r o u g h this characterization. Of
course, it's a g o d d a m n e d riot for t h e rest of us.
W R I T E; T O :: :.
T h e three offerings f o u n d here a r e laced through and
Palm Fabric Orchestra
„ n Poi dog Pondering through with profanity a n d r e f e r e n c e s to incest, d r u g use, and
P.O. B i « < x « 7 adultery meant not so m u c h to b e snide p u t - d o w n s of the
residents of this particular region a n d white t r a s h in general, but
ruthless attacks. It is probably t h e most t h o r o u g h attack on the
\. . . - : p p d .
L'u- t ..i im>n...y i.iiilc-r t.-.
negative aspects of a g r o u p of p e o p l e e v e r p r o d u c e d . If the
.11 r . i l T o p
11 d-, •• j 7 i » . -\. O f t v i v . M - V ,
< hirngo, 6ofe-5
project w a s called "Drive-By i n t h a H o o d " , N A A C P lawyers would
be all over t h e s e g u y s like flies o n shit.
jilllllljillll ; ;|I
All the s a m e , it doesn't stop m e f r o m having a good
belly laugh. Their a n t h e m i c "Gas, G r a s s or A s s " is m u c h more a
tribute to that short, free-wheeling era in w o r l d history known as
Ifltl" S 1 0 the 1970s in A m e r i c a , a s if t h e reference to that sticker adorning
m i
most every v a n of that d a y wasn't tip-off e n o u g h for y o u . They
rock sufficiently e n o u g h so a s not t o e m b a r a s s t h e m s e l v e s , and
if drunk e n o u g h , it might e v e n s o u n d pretty great, within the realm
of the genre. C o m e to think of it, I'd love to s e e t h e m play live in
G u i d e d By V o i c e s
s o m e of Cleveland's redneck b a r s - just t o s e e if they get it, and
"Clown Prince of t h e M e n t h o l Trailer"
if they d o , to s e e what kind of b r a w l might e n s u e .
D o m i n o U.K.

This is o n e in a series of n e w releases by G B V a n d

a p p e a r s o n b o t h t h e 7" a n d C D f o r m a t s . OK, I admit to being
Huggy Bear
s o m e t h i n g of a n e w c o m e r to this b a n d , o w n i n g only t h e stuff
Live at Peterson's Parlor
since t h e Scat 7", h o w e v e r I pride myself o n not seeking out n e w
A m s t e r d a m 2-28-94
b a n d s before t h e y a r e d i s c o v e r e d by t h e critics because I have
better t a s k s to k e e p to, s u c h a s shining m y s h o e s with a quail
Well, I did it. I spent almost all of m y available cash just
feather a n d s e e k i n g out W a l d o in my Spaghetti-O's. Alas, this
to c o p a flight to the N e t h e r l a n d s a n d s e e o n e of my favorite
armchair critic c a n tell y o u that this C D is loads better t h a n their
pretentious political p u n k rock b a n d s . Hell, this show even
full-length g e m " V a m p i r e o n Titus". Y o u s e e saplings, Pollard
rivaled a performance I caught a w e e k later by the Ex a n d T o m
a n d the rest of his little t r o u b a d o u r s a r e at p e a k f o r m with
Cora. Just straight up rock a n d roll a n d d o i n g it with a hammer.
n u m e r o u s lyrical c o u p l e t s that not only m a k e y o u laugh, but
T h e H u g g y Bears did s o m e silly p o e m s (at least that's what I took
ponder what exactly this s c h o o l t e a c h e r is f e e d i n g his brain
t h e m to be b e c a u s e they w e r e so s t u p i d , a n d I think alf poetry is
before he sits d o w n to write.
just a half-assed attempt at d r a w i n g attention t o yourself through
"Hunter S c h o o l " is t h e best t r a c k recorded b y this band
the use of stupid syllable structures a n d a g o o d Thesaurus).
since "Big S c h o o l " a n d " O v e r t h e Neptune", w h i c h a p p e a r o n
A n y h o w , they played t h e s t a n d a r d s : "Carn't Kiss", "Pansy
other releases. S e v e n s o n g s total, a n d all a r e well worth the
Twist", ' T e e n Tighterns", etc., w h i c h just k n o c k e d m e out o f t h e
effort of s e c u r i n g a n import, regardless of t h e fact that the running
a t m o s p h e r e before the Pakistani h a s h i s h c o u l d .
t i m e is shorter t h a n t h e a m o u n t of time required to c o o k a bag of
O p e n i n g the s h o w w e r e t h o s e a m u s i n g Turkish lads
rice. In addition, the g r a p h i c s c o n t i n u e in t h e cut-and-paste vain,
called C o r n e r s h o p . Boy w a s that neat w a t c h i n g a b u n c h of guys
which only m a k e s m e w o n d e r w h i c h b a n d m e m b e r is relegated
who looked like they haven't e a t e n in a b o u t a month rant about
to clip-art duty. T h o s e indie rock losers will buy this before the
the political disenfranchisement of their p e o p l e in England and
b a n d b e c o m e s h u g e , 'cause by that time, they will
other European areas. G r a n t e d , I love a g o o d rock s o n g , and
c o n s i d e r t h e m passe'.
shit, they delivered, but w a t c h i n g S u l i m a n , or w h a t e v e r the fuck
•John Turnipsmidgeon
5 0
his n a m e w a s s c r e a m in t h e mic a n d allowing all in attendance Various Artists
t o v i e w his C a t a l H u y u k oral h y g i e n e w a s e n o u g h to distract m e "America T h e Beautiful" d b l C D b o x
f r o m their p e r f o r m a n c e . T h e r e f o r e , I can't really b e objective or RRR
r e m e m b e r m u c h o f w h a t t h e y p l a y e d . But t h e y d o h a v e a n LP 151 Paige St
a n d s o m e E P ' s o n E n g l a n d ' s Wiiija label, s o have a look for t h e m Lowell M A 0 1 8 5 2
if y o u c a r e t o .
-John Turnipsmidgeon I'd b e remiss if I left a l o n e t h e notion I set forth earlier that
RRR stuff is strictly unlistenable noise a n d plainshit masquerading
a s a n a t t e m p t a t e x p e r i m e n t i n g w i t h s o u n d a n d y e s , music. Sure,
Pavement a w h o l e b u n c h of it could b e c o n s t r u e d that w a y b e e v e n the most
"Crooked R a i n , C r o o k e d Rain" forgiving listeners, but a w h o l e b u n c h m o r e is very worthy of
Matador attention. This set is a s g o o d introduction a s I could imagine, for
676 B R O A D W A Y it gives both sides c o n s i d e r e d a b o v e a n d m o r e .
N e w York N Y 1 0 0 1 2 Fortheir 10th anniversary, RRR c o m p i l e d stuff revolving
a r o u n d the A m e r i c a n a t h e m e . T h e m a t i c compilations seem
QeXX Mike yov Pexxep
•oae xrieae %ax>OE I xtjivk x^ey destined t o g o awry, but this o n e doesn't a n d is pretty relentless.
ape 7008. Qva%K Qva%K 9i)oc%K. u.00 uoo oxpeeepxvKVdoriv co. T h e shtick starts immediately w i t h t h e c a s e cover, lovingly
uuxe axove. #uox (teat xneu. aXX cavtr\ a pv>ppep \iaXXex a v 8 xn,ev a d o r n e d by a restyled Statue of Liberty, a n erect cock in the right
5o a coT)tpA,ivy oepratcm, Savxe, xocroue avS aXX, wr\iXe eaxtvy h a n d , a n A K - 4 7 in the left. A s for t h e actual content, the most
GJapiooo orodKpeS oXifjjeo xnax xoue cppou. a (pop. Av\|m,oco, IjTu. a m a z i n g thing is that throughout t h e nearly two-and-a-half hours
yowa o e v 8 \yox> ooue amc^ xowynx cwt/rep I ysx om o<b coopK. o' stuff, the t h e m e is only rarely s t r a y e d f r o m , er, usually it's pretty
fteipS T n i v y o r\amtev, cue ojcev \i/eaxep8a\|/ a v 8 trie (pipox xripee obvious w h e n e m p l o y e d . I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't "get
xtiivyo cue aeXX apetrie Beax Hararevivy xpi^vxe %S, BXa%K it here a n d there. M o r e incredible still is that t h e most enjoyable
^XccfTla EtDepti/XTiivy Qevx BXa%K, a v 8 a Pe8 Kpooo %8. B-ux tracks are the o n e s that best toy with t h e t h e m e .
xTievxTjewvaXttaJxeaTavAop Moo8\|/BXveo paxKxaxaAoTepo Right off Disc O n e ' s bat is a great rendition of "God Bless
Xau£ ivxo jcox av ev8 xo xn,ax x\ime od> TtopxnaoavY. <t>t>%K xne America", courtesy Negativland a l o n g with Rougeux. It seems
Xoco, I coavx a veaxpav a v 8 a qxxp o<p xarcepc <pop u.\|r GJenix^e. A.XX a 1950's recording of the s t a n d a r d is t h e basic track supporting
npaiae xo xrje cornvte xpacm,, (pop coixriovx xr\t\i, xrjepe coodX.8 Pe a d e e p v o i c e d m a n w h o s l a u g h t e r s all notions of tonality, time,
vo T|iyr|coati/a. IIopK avS Xexxuxe. ExeaK a v 8 SowynvOTO. a n d melody. A p p l a u s e a n d appropriate " t h a n k y o u ! t h a n k y o u ' s "
Zau,oovxxe a v 8 peeocoai;. follow. Barry Dalive (har har) provides social commentary in
-John Turnipsmidgeon "his" "Chokin' t h e A m e r i c a n C h i c k e n " t h r o u g h t h e use of sound
bites f r o m c o m m e r c i a l s , M a n s o n , c a r t o o n s , a n d Ross Perot.
J o h n Wiggins p a y s tribute t o t h e late A m e r i c a n rock icon Frank
T o t e m Pole Of L o s e r s Z a p p a in "Zappa M a p : G o d Bless Frank Z a p p a " which is a piece
"Jesus, I A m L o v i n g Y o u " 7" seemingly constructed by a s s e m b l i n g d o z e n s of little Zappa
Amarillo s o u n d bites, intertwining t h e m with j u m b l e d t a p e loops. Luxurious
PO BOX 24433 Bags spin a n eerie tale of a m a n desperately trying to get a fix in
SAN FRANCISCO CA 94124 t h e gas station John, a u g e n t e d by harrowing white noise a n d
o m i n o u s low tones... m a y b e t h e p i c k of t h e disc.
A J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s spin-off? G o o d question. I have Highlights f r o m Disc T w o include t h e Out Of Band
heard o n e record f r o m J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s a n d noticed t h e presence Experience's "Bonerland". T h e w o n d e r f u l title c o m e s from an
of B r a n d a n (Thinking Fellers U n i o n Local 282) K e a r n e y in that e v e n more wonderful lament w h i c h e n d s t h e track: "America isn't
b a n d a s w e l l a s this. T h a t r e c o r d had s o n g s that brought the called A m e r i c a a n y m o r e . . . it's... b o n e r l a n d " . Phil Milstein's
s o l e m n s o u n d i n g I a t e 6 0 s / e a r i y 7 0 s p o p t o mind... y o u know, like simultaneous destruction a n d recreation of "Louie Louie" is
the J e s u s Christ S u p e r s t a r folkies a n d J e s u s freaks s t r u m m e d downright awe-inspiring. Portions of t h e original m a k e their way
o n their Elektra a c o u s t i c guitars with resounding choruses. in via t h e t a p e loop, but every i m a g i n a b l e interpretation, from
A n y h o w , this "group" uses t h e campiest, most sterile marching b a n d s , lounge s c h m a l t z , Jimi Hendrix, a n d gravel-
p r e p r o g r a m m e d C a s i o k e y b o a r d s o u n d s a n d rhythms intertwined voiced barking a m o n g others, m a k e this n e w take give a truly
with fuzz guitar. b u r n e d out piece of shit n e w life. O d d l y , "My C o m p r o m i s e " (see
• T h e lyrics w e r e p e n n e d b y o n e G r e g g Turkington, h e of t h e T o t e m Pole Of Losers review, above) a p p e a r s a s being by a
t h e c r a n k call r e c o r d ' T e l e p h u c k y o u " f a m e . In line with J o b ' s group called T h e Easy G o i n g s . W e l l , shit. Isn't getting paid twice
Daughters, t h e title s o n g ' s out a n d out sardonic attack o n a f o r t h e s a m e effort (or at least trying to) t h e g o d d a m n e d American
devotion t o Christ m a k e s m e w a r m inside a s t h e listener is led W a y itself? W e l l , it's a slightly different v e r s i o n .
back a n d f o r t h b e t w e e n tales of rationalizi ng disasters a s His Will Interesting s o u n d s c a p e s like M a n d i b l e Chatter's "Dead
a n d t h e c h a r m i n g a n d r e s o u n d i n g c h o r u s w h i c h comprises t h e W h i t e A m e r i c a n Pelvis", C h o p S h p ' s "4x4", a n d Borbetomagus'
title. M o v i n g f r o m J o b ' s D a u g h t e r s , t h e sardonic attacks resume "Fur Mutti", o n o n e h a n d might h a v e b e e n better placed among
o n t h e B-side c a l l e d , " M y C o m p r o m i s e " . T h e victim this time is other like stuff, yet o n t h e other, d o e s help b r e a k up
t h e record industry w h i c h f o r c e s a n artist t o give u p singing t h e m e , should it b e c o m e tedious for y o u . If y o u ' r e
beautiful s o n g s in o r d e r t o write jingles d e s i g n e d to sell frozen b o r e d with rock a n d w a n t a n e w a d v e n t u r e , c h e c k this
c h o c o l a t e - c o v e r e d waffles. o n e out. It's a g o o d s a m p l e of t h e RRR ethos.
NORTH LIMA OH 4 4 4 5 2

B e not afraid that this LP- yes vinyl album- is something

of the psych nature. Lest ye cry that all psych rock is little more
than a tired relic, fully evidenced by its appearance on the
endangered specie medium, let me remind you of the quest for
adventurous music. Alas, before you have a chance to interject
something snotty about looking for new adventurous music, I'll
remind you that if that's really what you want, you'll have to toss
aside most everything you listen to- especially any form of rock
'n' roll. Since that would undoubtedly be too painful for you to
bear, I'll proceed.
AI Simones sent a nice little note with the record,
advising that his band's sounds are all the more enhanced by the
presence of a nice, toasty joint. Being that I don't smoke, and
prefer to be as lucid as possible, I nealy succumbed myself to the
apprehension I went about warding off in the above paragraph!
Fear not. From the first intonations of Side One of
"Corridors", the flowing notes are brought to life with a crazy
amalgam of sound bites. • Lost Time Detector: If the Xenon'" coated figure at left is red, you have
recently been abducted, and have forgotten everything. Act inconspicuous.
"Peakin"' clears no more than two bars of music before For more information on alien defense send a stamped, self addressed envelope t o Schwa. Box 6 0 6 4 Reno NV 89S13

a perfectly disgusting monster roar is belched out by something

slightly less than human, instantly dispelling the myth that psych
rock has to be strictly built around certain musical cliches and
assumptions. The thing made me laugh out loud. If the image
of psych rock construction is something very stodgy, take note.
Other tracks use the "Mr. Ed Theme" to lead into a
swirling tune, the barking dog is a crack-up as is the snip from
some cheeze-ball porn actress, moaning and "oh yeahing" all
over the place. Rather than interfere with the sounds, they truly
enhance them, breaking up the predictability of the genre and
creating something very interesting and fun.
I can only imagine how these thing might have lept out
of my speakers and slapped me silly had I smoked some pot
before listening. Homage is paid throughout to the various
substances one can aquire to alter the mind. The record is a self-
pressed job, and it appears that the "label" name could be
"Peyote". I say could because, AI operates the Purple Phrogg
Record Store at the above address. Of course, the direction
"Sinsemilla Morning" takes becomes self-explanitory.
Genre-busters are always happily recommended here.
Recordings by artists who don't take it all too seriously and have
fun are as well. This platter succeeds on all counts and is quite

a | \ \ Telepathy Alarm: The figure at left will let you know when your "Thoughts" are
a 91 b«ingscanr*d!SchwaCorp.isnotresponsibleforanylackofcontentonyourpart.
I For more mformauon o n alien defense send a stamped, self-addressed emelope to Schwa. Box 6 0 6 4 Reno N V 89513
Accept "Bob," Make Big $$ Off P O B O X 419092
The End Times, and LAUGH TILL SAN FRANCISCO CA 94141
BE AN ORDAINED What's my baggage coming in to this one? Oh yeah.
SUBGENIUS MINISTER! What I had heard of their recordings had far too much of that funk
••Then shall the seers be ashamed, and the diviners confounded; yea. they shall action for my liking, yet having seen them play live, they
all cover their lips: for there is no answer of Ood. The heads thereof will judge
for reward, and the priests thereof teach for hire, and the prophets thereof divine impressed, not funking up quite so much, but rocking out and not
for money..."
-Micah3:7. II
in rock's predictable formulas. Well, it's not terrible baggage to
be carrying around.
$ 1 each for.
("The World Ends Tomorrow and You MAY DIE") All the same, the airline lost it and I don't want it back.
. more SubGenius Pamphlets #1
$5 each for sample issue of T H E STARK FIST
Official secret Magazine of the SubGenius Cull. This psuedo-monthly Organ is
These 15 songs are full-on rock adventure action and have it all.
the sole outlet for the brilliant ignorancy of Dobbs. as well as a crucial guide­ Because this trio is so adept at linking a riff-driven verse
book for the Illuminated. The unbelievable Book of Ike SubOaius. published
here in installments, is available nowhere else. Cram-packed; skimproof; huge. with a hard chord progression and then scattering the whole thing
Takes a week to read. Photos, art, comics, prophecy, fundamentalist porn, calen­
dar of future events, proof of "Bob." Your Instructions, and MUCH MUCH with a few well-placed bridges- all within the span of a three
"THE STARK FIST is a jackhammer of morbid yuks louder and funnier, minute tune- the seeming chaos is held together very nicely.
than any normal publication.. ."J. R. "Bob" Dobbs
W I T H SPECIAL INSANE BONUS OFFER Another thing I like is the ability to write music that feels like the
" T H E PRESCRIPTURES" words that are associated with the songs.
Prophecy of the SubGenius
Case in point is the instrumental "I'm So Lost", which
. $20 for MEMBERSHIP & O R D A I N M E N T
Includes the following: I. The Sunk FM, 4 issue subscription. 2. Member- feels like the musicaqui valent of that frantic anxiety experienced
sMp credentials, orientation material, posters, documents, stickers, charts, and
such privileges as befit priesthood in a secret society of this scope, includes wal­ when driving on the highway in a city you've never been to
let-sized Membership Card giving you every right to do anything you choose. 3.
Church Newsletter with news of conventions, revivals, etc. 4.Pamphlet #1. before. Anyone who has driven through downtown Pittsburgh
The only way to gel on the permanent mailing list and pierce the shroud of secrecy
•hat insulates the Cult. ~ High Weirdness by Mall $ 1 2 looking for a way to get to the Civic Arena in 3 minutes through
„, 3-Flsted Tales of "Bob" $ 1 2
. SI for SubGenius Catalog "Bob's" Favorite Comics $ 3 the maze of one-way streets could use this song as theme music.
More books, posters, tapes. T-shirts, gizmos, etc.
The music is very busy music, much in the way (and I
$8.50 each for CASSETTE TAPES
90 minutes - stereo — color. The Media Barrage Tapes, as heard on radio.
hate to have to make a crummy point of reference, but hell, it
applies) The Minutemen were often very busy with their in­
Documentary/propagandoid Lessons and Revelations far beyond any present
medium.. .a totally new genre. Good for over 75 dose listenings (For Multiple struments. Because they are riff-driven, much more lee-way is
Listenings Only — First Listening is Guaranteed to Confuse). High paced, dense
with shocking juxtapositions. Unbelievable sequences from 1) The Real World
given to bassist Larry Boothroyd to scale up and down his
(radio, TV, insane preachers, weird cults). The Uve Churches of the SabGenlns
(excerpts from radio and TV interviews, sacred trance spouting, revival tapes.
fretboard. Not a single 1-4-5 progression in sight, and what a
Doktor bands, songs, chants, rants and preaching), and 3) lurid Eatertaln- major fucking relief.
meat (precious, brain-stripping clips from horror, porn, sci-fi films, etc.). Savage;
^ajt joyful; monstrous. Useful for seductions. There are some lyrical gems within, too. I'll just drop the
"P. 1 0 J "REPEKT!" (The C o n s p i r a c y ;
1 1 : "SHOT U P , PIHK BOY" ( A l i e n s + Nuices) phrases for your perusal:
1 2 : "SLACK!" + Best SubGenius Radio
Published by McGraw-Hill. 200 pages, 8'/» x 11
Ask for it at
any bookstore.
...I'm hiding in the stretchmarks in Rush Limbaugh's butt...
large sofibound Horror Bible. After this, you'll
never have lo read another book as long as you
live. Contains all answers to everything, phis pro­
fuse illustrations and diagrams. Encompasses life made my mind so afraid and
of "Bob." entire past and future history of Earth, that's OK, it's better that way
and all the instructions you'll ever need for suc­
cess, happiness, and psychic wealth in The End I wonder if the game's on TV today?...
Times. BEYOND " H I P " OR " F U N N Y ; " the
"Sistinc Chapel" of the 20th Century. "This is
the damnedest thing I've ever seen." (—some ...maybe if I had a major label deal
old nobody) A M S E S u b G e n i u s V i d e o $19.98
maybe if I got a lobotomy
A l l p r i c e s i n c l u d e p o s t a g e . O u t s i d e USA — a d d $ * . B l a m e t h e C o n s p i r a c y .
M a k e check o r m o n e y o r d e r t o : T h e S u b G e n i u s F o u n d a t i o n , I n c . maybe then I'd feel better...
P.O.Box 1
^IG The SubGenius 405320164
L-»T Dallas, T X 7
And "Nopalitos" is a great little comparison of two
T O D A Y ! No Obligation. No Salesmen.
Texas Dave's- Crockett and Koresh with the line:
...both took on a country
and died in an ashtray...

STREET:. It's a great, rare total package of

adventurous edge rock with smart, non-preachy po­
CITY, STATE, ZIP: litical lyrics. Load up the new suitcase and make sure
not to leave it on the plane.
Hey! T w o issues in a r o w a n d t h e Classified a d rules TIRED OF TRYING TO FIND NEW INDEPENDENT
haven't c h a n g e d . Will miracles e v e r c e a s e t o h a p p e n around RECORDS? Tired of local record shops not knowing
here? I h o p e s o . T h e rules, b e l o w , are pretty d a m n e d simple: what's new? What you need is INDIE STREET! The
record catalog CATALOG. A magazine of your favorite
1. $1 per 10 w o r d s . . . or a s l i m pre-1965 d i m e for t h e same!!! domestic and import independent label catalogs, including
2. A n y w o r d s b e y o n d t h e i n c r e m e n t s of t e n , round up. 28 p a y s
K, Am Rep, Elefant, Summershine, Simple Machines,
the same as 30, Buckwheat.
Estrus, Merge, etc. Send $2.50 for sample issue / $8 for
3. N o w o r d - m i n i m u m o r - m a x i m u m . Buy t h e w h o l e p a g e ! S e e
1-year, 4 issue subscriptio to: Indie Street/434 Coombs
if w e c o m p l a i n .
4. $2 m i n i m u m . If y o u s e n d less (unless we're talking about
Creek/Dallas TX, 75211.
t h o s e fine silver coins, of c o u r s e ) , we'll keep it and throw
your stupid ad in the trash and pretend we never got it.
5. A d d r e s s printed F R E E ! Don't count it in with y o u r w o r d total. A CALL FOR ENTRIES for mail and xerox artists for a
T h i s is d o n e s o y o u don't h a v e t o s k i m p o n t h e a d d r e s s major international mail art show in SoHo. Send
t o t h e point that n o b o d y c a n figger out w h e r e they a r e photocopies (color or B/W) comprising the artist's entire
sending things. body, that can be assembled into a complete 2-dimensional
(or3-dimensional) figure. Figures may be nude or clothed,
but must be complete. Accessories or props may be
SERIAL KILLER, splatterandX-rated comic books. Send included. All submissions must be received by 12/31/94.
3 dollars for a sample and list. Specify interest for sample. Documentation will be sent to all chosen artists. Mail all
Age statement required. DVH / 3651 A S. 76th ST / named and titled submissions to: D. Jokosonu Lofts/143-
Milwaukee Wl 53220. 5 C. Columbus Dr. #2 / Jersey City NJ 07302.

IMAGES FROM SPACE!!! Actual facsimile images from GET BLACK SHEETS, a kinky, queer, intelligent, and
satellites orbiting Earth. Can be used as maps by irreverent zine of sex and pop culture. Current issue $6,
Astronauts, Invading Alien Creatures, Private Investigators, $20/4 issues. Also Black Book, 200-page illustrated
Spies, White Water Lawyers, or Non-Believers. The sexuality directory- Guide for the Erotic Explorer, $15.
Latest Images Mailed or Faxed to you for only US $1.00 Mention Asylum For Shut-Ins for free gift when ordering!
each. Enclose payment and SASE for mail, or payment Agestatement required. Free brochure. Black Book, P.O.
and yourfax phone number (Cont. US Only please) forthe Box 31155-AS, San Francisco CA 94131-0155.
latest Earth I mage to: P. Gentile/Box 504/East Syracuse
NY 13057.
RECORDS FOR SALE in the hopes of paying the printer
of Asylum For Shut-Ins. Mostly 7" gems to tempt the
CHIP'S CLOSET CLEANER #10 now available. Normal collector scum and even a music fan or two- Am Rep,
people who collect odd things: Weekly World News index; Misfits, punk rock... I even have a pile of stuff from that
zine reviews; dentists on film; more. "Hilarious"-Factsheet dead rocker's band (Nirvana). (The idea that his death has
5. $3 postpaid. No trades please. Chip Rowe/826 Aspen propeliedtheir sales through the roof thoroughly disgusts me- especially
St NW7 Washington DC 20012. since the record company and its shareholders will be the prime
beneficiaries of record store sales, while Cobain's family and the band
stand to gain only marginally. I am powerless to stop this trend, so I may
as well cash in.) Plenty on colored vinyl. Write for list...SASE
A FOOL'S PARADISE paid for a copy of AFSI, but didn't appreciated greatly. Mike Kole / PO Box 46581 / Bedford
send acomplete mailing address! It hurts ourconsciences OH 44146. The printer today, newsstands around the
to have taken their money and yet not sent the copy globe tomorrow!
they've been expecting. Here's all we got: A
> ,. \ Fool's Paradise, Sakolsky/?/PawneelL 62558.
CA Here's guessing that they do a zine, too. I'm SUBCONSCIOUS MIND
L*^ I sure some of you can fill in the blanks for us.

01^' JBtaugeum • V. :'y"

T h e H O U R O F S L A C K radio p r o g r a m is a n excellent If sending music oriented materials and wondering where to send
place for t h e uninitiated t o b e c o m e familiar with t h e S u b G e n i u s things, consider this:
lexicon. G r a n t e d , t h e s h o w is even more esoteric t h a n the 1. If your have money crawling out your ass, send copies to both WCSB and
Asylum ForShut-lns. The station copy will be "airplay only" and the Asylum copy
Churchly literature, but t h e n t h e i d e a s o n t h e printed p a g e lack will be "review only".
the ability t o leap of t h e p a g e a n d into t h e mind in t h e s a m e 2. If on a tight budget, decide which you'd rather have- airplay or a print review.
exilerating m a n n e r a s d o e s s o u n d . Besides, it's s o m u c h easier You can see what sort of audience Asylum reaches. WCSB is another LONG
story. If you send to Asylum and WCSB never gets a copy, odds are that after
to p u m p t h e s u b l i m i n a l m e s s a g e s via s o u n d (or video for that
the review, the copy will be donated to W C S B by Asylum. Be assured that
matter) t h a n it is with print, w h i c h is not t o say that it can't b e WCSB won't be donating even a shred of used toilet paper to Asylum, so if you
done... it's just t h a t it is a hell of a lot more work. Let us not forget definitely want a print review, send to Asylum.
s o quickly that t h e p r i m a r y tenet of this C h u r c h is S L A C K , w h i c h If sending to WCSB, send it to the attention of "Rev. John X. Piche".
Thanks for bothering with this fine print nonsense.
to s o m e r e a d s a s t h e v e r y a v o i d a n c e of w o r k .
C h e c k t h e listing b e l o w t o s e e if y o u a r e in range of the
C h u r c h ' s w e e k l y m i s s i v e s a n d directions. All t i m e s are L O C A L
with respect t o that a r e a .

DALLAS, TX: KNON, 89.3 FM, S u n d a y s , 9:00 p.m.

Broadcasts L I V E . T h e purest a e t h e r s c a n b e g l e a n e d here.
ATHENS, GA: WUOG, 90.5 FM, Fridays,6:30p.m. Taped,
as are all t h e o t h e r s f r o m this point o n d o w n the list. <0TTR INSPIRATION - &ETJ. HFOAN ^TANG
ATLANTA, GA: WREK, 91.1 FM, Saturdays, Midnight.
CHICAGO, IL: WZRD, 88.3 FM, M o n d a y s , 9:00 p.m.
T h e C h u r c h ' s S a c r e d S c r i b e h a s p e n n e d four major
CLEVELAND, OH: WCSB, 89.3 FM, S u n d a y s , 9 : 0 0 p . m . S u b G e n i u s w o r k s , a n d this m a g a z i n e is t h e O F F I C I A L follow-up
DETROIT, Ml / WINDSOR, ONT: CJAM, 91.5 FM, to o n e of t h e m - S i m o n & S c h u s t e r ' s H I G H W E I R D N E S S BY
M o n d a y s , 6 : 0 0 p.m. H o s t e d by Rev. D a v e a n d c o d e i n e Kevin. MAIL. That b o o k w a s a n h o n e s t - t o - g o o d n e s s inspiration to us,
EAST ORANGE, NJ: WFMU, 91.1 FM, Mondays, even b e y o n d t h e self-congratulatory influence T H E B O O K OF
Midnight. T h e y run t h e full hour t h e s e d a y s ! T H E S U B G E N I U S h a d o n us m a n y m o o n s before.
HOUSTON, TX: KPFT, 90.1 FM, T h u r s d a y s , Midnight. H i g h W e i r d n e s s w a s p u b l i s h e d in 1987 a n d w a s a
d e n s e , c o m p r e h e n s i v e c a t a l o g of listings. If y o u think Asylum
MADISON, Wl: WORT, 89.9 FM, call for day a n d time.
is chock-full a n d b r i m m i n g with g e m s , y o u ' d b e blown away by
ROCHESTER, NY: WITR, 89.7 FM, M o n d a y s , 1 1 : 0 0 p . m . High W e i r d n e s s . It w e i g h e d in at 3 0 0 p a g e s with about four
STANFORD, CA: KZSU, 90.1 FM, S u n d a y s , Midnight. listings a n d reviews p e r p a g e . S t a n g ' s writing is insightful and
gut-splitting hilarious, a n d e v e n t h o u g h m a n y of the listings are
W i t h luck, y o u ' r e in r a n g e of t h e s e stations. W h y plunk outdated, the reader will b e e n t e r t a i n e d w h e t h e r or not she
d o w n $15 o n S u b G e n i u s texts without having s o m e idea what decides t o try t o contact t h e listees.
it's all a b o u t ? After r e a d i n g this far, y o u still haven't picked up Our j o b is t o carry t h e t o r c h . In o u r first three issues,
o n our c o n s u m e r - p r o t e c t i o n attitude? Plunk d o w n your $15 w e ' v e positively identified t h o s e w h o h a v e gone A W O L and
afteryou h a v e s o m e idea w h a t it's all about. S h e e s h . others that have m o v e d o n (R.I.P.) for t h e s a k e of those who
w i s h to get d o w n a n d m a k e contact. U s e d in t a n d e m with High
O n e t h i n g t o n o t e is that Rev. J o h n X. Piche" a n d I, W e i r d n e s s , A s y l u m For Shut-Ins is a p o w e r f u l research tool. Or
Msgr. Kole a r e b r o a d c a s t e r s of t h e H O U R O F S L A C K in a b u c k e t o f y u k s . O r b o t h . It's really up t o y o u . If w e had it our
Cleveland o n W C S B , 8 9 . 3 F M . Beginning with t h e Hour, w e way, t h o s e o n t h e quest for spirituality w o u l d A L L have t h e good
e n d u l g e o u r s e l v e in t h r e e h o u r s of u n s p e a k a b l y b a d thoughts, s e n s e t o be able t o l a u g h at t h e m s e l v e s (not all the time or
twisted music, a n d a g e n e r a l assault o n T h e M a n in Cleveland. anything like that) a n d b e able t o e x a m i n e the strengths and
Materialsthat a r e r e v i e w e d in A s y l u m For Shut-Ins a r e A L W A Y S w e a k n e s s e s of their belief s y s t e m s . O d d s a r e w e won't be
subject t o d i s c u s s i o n o n o u r s h o w , T H E S H O W T H A T D A R E getting it our w a y any t i m e s o o n . H e l l , w e ' v e yet to complete the
N O T S P E A K ITS' N A M E . A n y o n e wishing to contribute materials t a s k of supplanting High W e i r d n e s s . T h a t m a y never happen
t o b e c o n s i d e r e d strictly for broadcast use m a y s e n d t h e m to the since it isn't really o u r a i m to d o m i n a t e a n d control the kook
following a d d r e s s research a n d c o m m e n t a r y s c e n e . A s w e s e e it, there is enough
WCSB d o m i n a t i o n a n d control going o n . M a y b e o n e d a y
C L E V E L A N D STATE UNIVERSITY we'll r o u n d up t h e lowest c o m m o n d e n o m i n a t o r s in
956 RHODES TOWER a cosmic corrall, but not a n y t i m e s o o n . W i t h that, w e
C L E V E L A N D O H 44115 present t h e list of M I A ' s , t h e r e s c u e d souls a n d t h e
dearly d e p a r t e d .
As indicated previously, the primary THE AMERICAN SUNBEAM (p. 91) BIBLE SCIENCE ASSOCIATION (p. 26)
source for Asylum's initial exploration was Rev. Ivan P.O. BOX 107 2911 E. 42nd ST
Stang's "High Weirdness By Mail". Why? Well, SELIGMAN MO 65745 MINNEAPOLIS MN 55406
there are many reasons, some less noble than
others. For instance, it was a hell of a lot easier to "Moved". "Forwarding order expired".
pick up an existing directory and just start writing A delirious ranternamed Delamer Duveruspublished We sought their 35 cent booklet called
tetters to the folks listed therein than it would have this. We know that the SUNBEAM has been out of GEOCENTRICITY which gave scientific proof that
been to sift through the multitude of oddball (and print for several years, and that Duverus was Earth is the center of the Universe and supports
straight, for that matter) publications in the mere murdered by The Conspiracy. Needless to say, we Creationism over Evolution. '
hopes of finding something worthwhile. We knew of are very interested to know more!
the quality "High Weirdness". Forgive us. We know
slack when we see it. BLOWFLY (p. 285)
We here in the Asylum have saved y' all ANGEL TECH (p. 116) 13116 NW SEVENTH AVE
from that devastatingly empty feeling of getting you VIGILANTERO PRESS MIAMI FL 33168
own stupid letters back marked "forwarding order POBOX 7513
expired" or some such thing. We wrote weepy drivel BOULDER CO 80306 "Forwarding order expired".
on miles of loose-leaf paper, stuffed the envelopes, To quote Stang: "The GOD of nasty Party Records-
LICKED all of the envelopes and the stamps, and "Attempted- not known". one of the raunchiest, most foul-mouthed, stinkiest,
broke the piggy bank to pay for postage JUST SO Dealers in angels and new age shmaltz like karma nastiest, biggest-dicked sons-a-bithces that ever
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO!!! You lucky putz. mechanics and "the art of being light". lived." Playing one of his records got Brother Jimmy
Do keep in mind that of the following, Wilson kicked off of WCSB's airwaves in Cleveland.
WCSB (89.3-FM) is the station that is arguably
many of these people are still operating, but at
ARISE (p. 83) Cleveland's most freewheeling radio station. Shit,
a different address. If you are aware of the Rev. Piche' and myself do a show in tandem and run
whereabouts of these folks, please send us 48 N MAIN ST the HourOf Slack (which you leamedon the previous
their address! SHERIDAN WY 82801 page). Blowfly records are that bad and naughty.
W h e n y o u see a n u m b e r in
parentheses below, it is a reference to Stang's "Attempted, not known".
book. Or it could be a satanic trigger... Those Mr. Johnson could be dead. Who knows? He was BOOK OF THE FALSE GODS (not in HWbM)
who know, well, they know. Others are zines a pro-Mason and made nifty looking brochures. PO BOX 9471
or other sources we utilized in the same SCHENECTADY NY 12309-9471
manner. It goes without saying that resource
ARMAGEDDON COLORING BOOK (p. 164) "No forward order on file". How did this
zines are valuable zines. SULKIS happen? Reviewed by Rev. Piche' in Issue #1, the
2050 MANNING promo copy we sent them came back! Cripes!

The Li s t "Not at this address".

Yes, it really was a coloring book, but not necessarily
BUFO ALVARfUS (p. 126)
for the kiddies. This was an anti-nuke statement. BOX 2863
ACTIVE R & D (p.28) DENTON TX 76201
PO BOX 323
NUCLEAR WAR (p.211) Wasn't Denton the hole in the wall town The Rocky
"Not deliverable as addressed". 228 Mccormick #3 Horror Picture Show" was set in? These folks
The catalog offered by these charmers included cincinnati o h 45219 actually sell (sold?) a book about obtaining toad
build-it-yourself Lucid Dream Machines and Time squeezin's foruse in one's pipe. A well-to-do couple
Cameras, whatever those are. The book selection "Not deliverable as forwarded. No was recently busted for SMOKING TOAD. Do I
included suppressed info and research sources. forwarding order on file." need to get out the soapbox and prattle on about
Written to by pastor Craig way back in Decemberof howridiculousthis war on drugs is? Of course not.
1988. A regular flash in the pan, I suppose. Of
ADVANCED SCIENCES JOURNAL (p. 30) course, Madonna wouldn't need anybody's help if
PO BOX 109 she ever needed to buy an army. CAMPUS MINISTRY (p. 72)
Some Dr. Hieronymous publishes this newsletter, FREE LOVE MINISTRIES (p. 64)
commenting on Universe energies, gravity and stuff POBOX 161212 "Attempted, unknown".
like that, and sells associated, high-priced gizmos. SACRAMENTO CA 95816 Having absolutely nothing better to do, this man and
his wife go to college campuses to entertain bored
"Forwarding order expired". college students. I know! They've been to Cleveland
BANG NOTES (p. 191) To quote Stang: "unadulterated, limitless, psychotic State and they've been a laff riot smash hit. Oh
BOX 2666 hatted blithely justified by declarations of pure yeah. They're supposed to be passing along the
BROOKLYN NY 11202 Christian love, reinforced by total disregard for message that us horrible sinners are all doomed to
reason, human compassion or common sense". I eternity in hell by virtue of being alive.

56 "No such box holder".

These end-timers must be holed up in
the bunker now, I guess.
can add nothing that would bolster that.
"Unable to forward".
?. "Cancelled". "Forwarding order expired". Newsletter regarding freedom of speech in media,
The forwarding order. The poor COG organization regardless of political point of view. Right on! The
has been run out of several countries because they Man probably got to him and shut him up.
promote having sex in the name of God! Praise CYBERNAUTECH
"Bob"! They were supposed to have great booklet BOX 121
which "illustrate" their "position" on sexuality. FUSION MAGAZINE (p. 201)
MONROEVILLE PA 15146-0121 BOX 17149
CHRISTIAN TECHNOCRACY (p. 203) "No forwarding address".
POBOX 85842 * "No forwarding order on file".
LAS VEGAS NV 89116 v THE DIRECTOR (p. 199) Those expecting to get info pertaining to weak "jock-
BOX 1175 , jazz" from this address would have been shocked at
"Addressee unknown", « WINCHESTER OR 97495 what would have come, namely junk from Lyndon
Reknown as the foremost rhetorical white LaRouche. Good, ol' LaRouche, our perennial
supremacist. That is to say, those in other groups "Unable to forward to sender". candidate-from-prison. Or is he out now? I wonder
may actually embark upon far more evil actions, Lone wolf, non-affiliated racist crank. where his money comes from?
but this guy, more than anyone else we'd run
into, delivered the printed goods reliably.!'
DECATUR GA 30030 "Attempted, not known".
"Moved*. Don't quite recall where we saw this zine listed, but
"Moved. Return to sender." Catering to the tastes of hardcore punkers, the we liked the review, so we thought we'd try to get a
Moved, but to where? Oh, how we'd like to hook out writers engaged in lefty political banter, that included copy. No dice.
someofHCstypical anarchist rhetoric, but generally
with this most temporarily inspired whacko clench!
offered solutions and encouraged debate.
HOYDEN (Trash Compactor)
Savage MD 20763
"No forward order on file". "Unknown".
"Forwarding order expired."
Perfectly extreme, paranoid, anti-trilateralist, the-
Conspiracy's-right-around-the-comer ranter who STU GOLDMAN
POBOX 3085 sold his venomous tomes on audio cassettes. POBOX 193

"Forwarding order expired". FELINE FRENZY (Trash Compactor) "Unable to forward".

Extreme conspiracy investigation, as the title should 49 DUNDONALD ST #14
have suggested. TORONTO ONT M4Y1K3
CANADA . I N S T I T U T E F O R R E S T O R I N G A N C I E N T H I S T O R Y (p. 26)
P.O. Box 495
THE COSMIC RAY (p. 238) "Not at this address". Winfield KS 67156
KRUDZNAINK Excuse me. I need to know at vvft/c7>friggin address.
PO BOX 5003 "Forwarding order expired",
GREENSBORO NC 27403 these folks knew where to find the of Tower O' Babel
FEMZINE (Trash Compactor) and the ruins of Noah's Rowboat. Cool.
"Attempted, not known". 2 BLOOR ST
The folks here were some do-gooders out to protect TORONTO ONT M4W 3E2
us from- you guessed it- cosmic rays. God only CANADA MADISON COMICS (p. 246)
knows what kind of rays they're talking about and 1813 NORTH 21st St.
where they come from, but they wished to make us "Moved, addressee unknown". ARLINGTON VA 22209
all safe. Kind of warms the heart, doesn't it? Nah... I think the title explains it all here. Wouldn't you
agree, riot chkkk? "No such address".
I have to see the comic which makes Jesus a
superhero. I know the underground comic scene
N O M O R E C E N S O R S H I P D E F E N S E F U N D (p. 1 8 0 ) has grown by leaps and bounds of late. Certainly
PO BOX 608370
POBOX 11458 one of you knows of Madison's whereabouts.
"Forwarding order expired".
Unlike a similarly-named outfit which was interested "Forwarding order expired". IN YOUR FACE (Trash Compactor)
in exposing cults so that they could be destroyed, This organization is in fact defunct. An excellent PO BOX 1703
this one kinda straddled that fence but was more idea not to be ignored even if conducting war against 3266 YOUNGE ST
interested in grinding its anti-brainwash ax. If s the State of Florida. You never know. Florida could TORONTO ONT M4N 3P6
amazing, but they saw fit to lump fundamentalists decide that they don't care about comic and zine CANADA
into the cult cauldron, which, of course, is right on readers' moolah and are dedicated to the eradication
the fucking money. of "filtti". In that Gase, the victim, er, defendant would "MovecT.
still have to slug it out in court.
J.D.'S (Trash Compactor) M L C (Trash Compactor) T H E O C C A S I O N A L J O U R N A L O F NOTHING IN
P O B O X 1110 P O B O X 1213 PARTICULAR (p. 237)
T O R O N T O O N T M 5 C 2KC D O W N S V I E W O N T M 3 H 5V6 P O B O X 419

"Box closed". "Moved, address unknown". "Addressee unknown."

Trash Compactor seemed like such a great source The folks at the Post Office really wanted m e to
until the letters all c a m e back. understand this as they stamped m y returned
T H E M O N I T O R (p. 180) envelope five times! I guess they get tons of pieces
CENTER FOR DEMOCRATIC R E N E W A L addressed to this obviously defunct mag. If bored,
JUMPSTART(p.251) P O B O X 10500 send a letter! Sure, nobody will ever have any
LONE W O L F PRESS A T L A N T A G A 30301 chance of reading it, but it clearly frosts these poor
B O X 1554 bastards in Colorado. At least you will get to see the
C A M B R I D G E M A 02238 "Attempted, not known". results.
While w e dabble in discussion of farrightfolks (like
"Attempted, not known". Klan and Neo-Nazi groups), they covered it
Jumpstart was the comic effort of Joe Schenkman, exclusively. I'm not sure if the tenor of the articles P A R A N O I D T A L E S O F N E U R O S I S (Trash Compactor)
who used to write for National Lampoon before they was the same though. 85 B L A C K FRIAR L A N E
toned it waydown. Joe depicts glue-sniffing exploits B R A N T F O R D O N T N3R 7 M 2
and other scenes which bring out the worst in us. CANADA
T H E NATIONAL R E P O R T E R (p. 179)
B O X 21279 "Moved".
KAIETEUR M A R K E T I N G (p. 86) W A S H I N G T O N D C 20009 Likewise these folks. It wasn't enough to just write
CHAMPLAIN BLVD "moved" on the envelope. The hadtogo and scrawl
VILLE LA SALLE "Unable to forward". "DO N O T S E N D T O THIS A D D R E S S " all over it.
I P.O. B O X 371 Newsweek once described this m a g as "the CIA's Sheesh. Lighten up.
M O N T R E A L P Q H8P3V3 nemesis". Whoa.
T H E P H O E N I X L E T T E R (p. 172)
"Unknown". N E W IRON C O L U M N (p. 187) P O B O X 39850
Ancient Egyptian Philosophy was the goal here. 1728 W BALL #4 P H O E N I X A 2 85069
With their guidance, the reader was supposed to be A N A H E I M C A 92804
able to make themself invisible, change the color of "Forwarding order expired".
animals and grow hair on any part of the body. With "Addressee unknown." Well, they might still be around. If they, or he
this I would have become the life of the party. Quarterly m a g of the Creative Anarchist Network. (Antony Sutton) is, he's writing about our Western
They probably ended it all when an editor tried to leaders and bankers who've sold out to someone or
impose a deadline. other. H e had it pinned down to the Soviets before,
K L M N N E W S (p. 171) you know, the collapse of communism in, you know,
ONESS PRESS that country where capitalism is a decided joke.
CALPELLA C A 95418 P O B O X 70551
R I C H M O N D V A 23255 PRIS (F5)
"Moved, left no address". 180 MARKET ST #258
W a s the Kid's Lib Movement Network. I guess the "Box closed, unable to forward". SAN FRANCISCO CA 94102
kiddies have grown up to become spoiled, zit-faced H o w do you like that? Hey, Brian! Too broke to pay
Beavises and Buttheads. to keep the box open? I comiserate profusely. "No such number".

LISTEN A M E R I C A (p. 102) N O W H E R E (p. 187) P S Y C H I C R E S E A R C H INC (p. 45)

RIVERSIDE C A 92502 P O B O X 13285 S A N J O S E C A 95125
"Addressee unknown". "Undeliverable as addressed".
More disappointment for us. These darlings offered "Box closed- no order." H o m e of the guy who proved that sweet-talking your
a disgusting book called D R U G ABUSE This was a m a g which spouted satire against plants makes 'em grow better. Can you see placing
TRAGEDIES, which utilized the "Scared Straight" absolutely everything. loudspeakers in the middle of America's wheat and
approach. Would" ve been agreat source for clip-art. com fields, intoning soothing wordstothe stalks?


P O P U L A R REALITY (p. 190) P O B O X 570 T H E R A I N B O W E A R T H D W E L L I N G S O C I E T Y (p. 8 2 )
B O X 3402 P A R K E S . 2870 L CHRISTINE H A Y E S
"No forwarding order on file".
Humorous anarchist ravings. "Left address". "Forwarding time Expired".
Mrs. Hayes published a book claiming Elvis to be
MINISTRY O F DIETETIC L A W (p.28) from some blue star. She also claims to be in
B O X 825 SKIN G R A F T telepathic communication with the being that live in
VACAVILLE C A 95688 P O B O X 738 the earth's core.
S T C H A R L E S M O 63302
"Forwarding order expired". P A T R O B E R T S O N F O R P R E S I D E N T (p. 75)
With the claim that aluminum is poison "Box closed". BOX17488
to humans, they sold a Polarity Pillow To m y knowledge, they're still around producing 7" W A S H I N G T O N D C 20041
to be used to fend off the dope-like records by sick groups like the Strangulated Beatoff s
effects of that which sidesyourhouse. to accompany their sick comics. "Moved. Notforwardable". Dam!

"Returned For Better Address". As mentioned in the BAKER BOOK

Hardly a surprise, really. HOUSE catalog review (above), Baker bought
Revell out. They also indicated that they were in the
process of selling the series to another company.
RELIGIOUS F R E E D O M MARKET Who would have known it was such hot property?
RD 1
"Moved, not forwardable". BOX 176

RENEW (p. 71) "Forwarding order expired".

P.O. BOX 11672 STARNET was a newsletter which was intended for
JACKSONVILLE FL 32239 the cogniscent space people. Of course, there are
countless latent or unaware space people. The
"Box closed. Unable to forward". "coming out" of the 90s?
This one may have joined forces with the Home
Shopping Network. They sell Jesus-oriented self-
help tapes. What the hell, if one can buy those "team STREET MEETINGS INC (p. 179)
to speak Japanese in four weeks while driving to PO BOX 724
work" tapes, why not Jesus stuff? DALLAS TX 75221

"Moved, left no address".

SAUCERIAN PUBLICATIONS (p.57) Another "cult expose'" newsletter. Or a contact list
BOX 2228 for folks like us.

"Forwarding order expired". THESE EXIT TIMES/VHEMT (not in HWbM)

Title says all. They must have been in operations PO BOX 86649
fairly recently in orderforourenvelope to come back PORTLAND O R 97286-0646
with this particular stamp... or so I thought. Pastor
Craig got his letter returned to him back in '88! "Unknown".
Sure. This is another one that Rev. Piche' reviewed
for us in Issue 1 that has moved. I'm beginning to
SCHIZOPHRENIC INTERNATIONAL wonder if he didn't just make some of this stuff up.
P O B O X 50456
FT W O R T H T X 76105
"Attempted, not known". PO BOX 3085
Poor bastards probably didn't know which PO box to ST PAUL MN 55165
go to after a while. Sad.
"Forwarding order expired".
This one is not what it seemed, but was rattier one
SHAVERTRON (p.28) of those concerned citizens groups which reprinted
P O B O X 248 theirstuff and distributed it asawamingtoconcemed
VALLEJO CA 94590 parents. Would have made for great clip-art.

"Attempted, not known".

Richard Shaverdiscovered tunnels in the earth and YAHWEH KINGDOM CITY, INC.
things called Deros which thrived upon controlling P O B O X 2078
the minds of humans. Stang had indicated in '87 S U N CITY AZ 85372
that they had stopped publishing, but should have
back issues available. They're out now. "Forwarding order expired".


P.O. BOX 80323

"No forwarding order". BE A H E R O ! ! !

This existed during Reagan's presidency and claimed
he was going to put us all in concentration camps. SEND THE CURRENT


"Attempted, not known".
Some sort of sicko comics.
cuee£ t
Every now and then it pays to send CULT AWARENESS COUNCIL (p. 153) FALCON PRESS (p. 131)
out the search party. After several weeks of
exhaustive work, scouring the woods in 16- This group printed a listing of cults. Booksellers and free catalog offerers.
hour shifts with only one meal of hardtack and Some folks use such lists to be able to recognize They sold Crowley, Leary, Regardie, R. A.
gruel a day, battling vicious insects, ascorching cult activity in their children. Other people use Wilson, etc. and Discordian inspired wares.
sun and intense humidity, no pot to piss in and these lists to freak out their parents. We're "Doctor" Hyatt moves around so much Iwe'd
leads snapped off by the post office and current proud to be a key part of the information lost track. They were in Nevadaf or a while, but
boxholders, our scavengers have managedto revolution, and moreover, are happy to be they're back in Arizona someplace under the
findthese folks holed-up in filthy lean-to eating bringing families together. We are pleased to name "New Falcon".
berries andtree bark on a good day. All parties be able to continue this effort with the location
involved have been given a hot meal, a shot of of their current address: NEW FALCON PUBLICATIONS
whiskey, A GOOD BATH, and plenty of sleep. 655 EAST THUNDERBIRD
Tomorrow, they will be loosed once again to CULT AWARENESS COUNCIL PHOENIX AZ 85022
do what they do. PO BOX 190597
The rescuees have been given time DALLAS TX 75219
to recuperate, by and large, and have yet to be JOHN P. JUDGE (p. 173)
contacted by us and subjected to our methods.
Their address are provided as a public service ESP LABORATORY (p. 83) Mr. Judge has been a very active
both to those interested in updating High AL G. MANNING researcher in the conspiracy field. You know,
Weirdness as well as those who are in a hurry JFK, RFK, MLK, MX, etc. Where is he now?
to conduct their own research. Fret not, by This Kris Kringle offered free junk Well, Pastor Craig got some stuff from Judge
next issue, all of these will have been contacted catalogs and literature. Some psychic/genteel and Co. in March of '93 and tells us he can be
by our dastardly staff and in an evil stroke, old fart. New address: found at this address:
shown for exactly what they are. Take that!
Old addresses have been omitted to ESP LAB COMMITTE FOR AN OPEN ARCHIVES
avoid confusion. HWbM page numbers shown BOX 216 PO BOX 6008
for those who care. 219 SOUTHRIDGE DR WASHINGTON DC 20005
Please! Don'tbeafraidtolaceupthe EDGEWOOD TX 75117
hiking boots and be part of the search party!
We are ever so grateful to our volunteers. AMERICA'S PROMISE (p. 185)
True, we don't have much to offer besides the LORD'S COVENANT CHURCH
hardtack and gruel, and we're running out of
that, but think of the service done for your These folks thought Ronald Reagan was
fellow searchers and researchers- all on their sickeningly liberalW Of course, Mr. Reagan
way to the One True Path O' Laughs and/or did prove that he wasn't a textbook
Enlightenment. Keep the faith! FULL DISCLOSURE (p. 179) conservative, either. They must love Clinton.
is alleged by one reader to now be at: Now at:


THE A C E . (p. 176) LOWELL Ml 49331 PO BOX 157
Not to be c o n f u s e d with The and by another to be at:
Association For Consciousness Exploration but:
(which is listed in the catalog section on page FULL DISCLOSURE We have been informed by a reader
21 in Issue 2). This is the Association of BOX 903 thatthefounder of America's Promise, Sheldon
Clandestine Radio Enthusiasts. In English? Emery, has passed away. Fuckin' barbed wire
Pirate radio. They are alive and well as LIBERTYVILLE, IL 60048 fence!
evidenced by their late-arriving booklet, which
will be reviewed in #4. New address: but:
according to Paul Rydeen: "Nowhere. Long RIP OFF PRESS (p. 252)
THE A.C.E. gone, but Peter Wagner still lives and works in
PO BOX 11201 Minneapolis. I used to have a couple copies, The publisher of Bob's Favorite
SHAWNEE MISSION KS 66207-0201 but they're gone too. Wagner did political Comics and other sickness has moved. You
cartoons for the University of Minnesota daily can now find them at:
when I was there; now he does a Sunday
funnies feature for kids. Call 1-612-555-1212 RIP OFF PRESS

60 and ask Information for his number." Damnl

Snared in the thicket again!
BOX 4686
M O D E R N HUMANS (p. 30)

A'mad scientist named Mr. Fry offered a brain

gteplum Jfor iMjut -3ht£
expanding course by mail, selling books and diner junkas Subscription Instructions
well. A s u b s c i b e r tells u s that many of the old titles have Decide that exploring the WARNING: A few upught
been discontinued, but at least it lives on. Find 'em in a world of cults, Forteana, so-and-so's are allergic to a
new state and with a n e w name at: far-out music, UFO's, humorous treatment of the
kooks, ranters, con­ above specified topics. If you
FRY'S INCREDIBLE INQUIRY spiracy theories, sup- or your partner are allergic to
HC76 BOX 2 2 0 7 pressedinformation, etc., sarcastic humor or have had
GARDEN VALLEY ID 8 3 6 2 2 is something you'd like other negative reactions, stop
to do in greater detail. use and see your doctor.
Send $9 for a four-issue
REV. ORTON NENSLO (AFSI # 2 pg. 49) subscription as soon as
you're"readytogo". Any
is now at: c - form of payment is fine. AVAILABLE
Make checks and money
orders out to MIKE
PO BOX 8 6 5 8 2 KOLE.
(1535 S.E.35th AVE) ASYLUM #1 was a
PORTLAND OR 9 7 2 1 4 . Roll on down to the Post
Office after making sure FACTSHEET 5 #50
He operates a mail-orderbooksearch service.
Donna "Kooks" Kossy lives with him; watch for "Kooks the
coins are secured and "EDITOR'S CHOICE"!
cash is well concealed in #2 AND #3 are BIGGER
Book" in April from Feral House (the s a m e friendly folks
your en velope, for if they and BETTER than #1
who brought you "Apocalypse Culture".) S e n d Nenslo $1
escape, youT. be subject
for an envelope full of enlightenment.
to unspeakable horror.
was!!! Check'em out!!!!!

Be sure to indicate with SEND $$$ TO:

PSYCHIC PROPHECY NEWS BULLETIN (p. 77) which issue to start your
sub. As soon as you've ASYLUM
: ., . Not sure if the N e w s Bulletin is still produced, finished reading Asylum, FOR SHUT-INS
but at least there is s o m e activity. New Address: put it in its proper place P.O. BOX 46581
and begin the chase for
BURCHETTE BROS. the One True Path!
PO BOX 3 6 3
LAKESIDE CA 9 2 0 4 0 - 0 3 6 3

BRAINBEAU (p. 161)

BOX 2 2 4 3
Ever hear of Odinism? I hadn't, s o I w a s more
"Moved. Order h a s expired".
interested than usual. As I understand it, Odinism deals
A genuine kook, Mr. Brainbeau proclaimed himself 'The World's ONLY Radical". He used to run little
in Norse mythology. Cool. N e w address:
a d s in the National Enquirer and other"grocery store" rags. Writes Rodney Griffith, "Brainbeau is dead.
I wrote him just in November to get his blessing to run an ad of his; the reason marked under "return
to sender" w a s written in: "deceased". His self-publishing activities predated Mike Gunderloy'sandonly
occasionally were his theories actually elaboratedon—the first threetimesl wrote tohim I only received
more a d s in return." R. L P .
NEVADA CITY CA 9 5 9 5 9

RUTH FISH (p. 89)

NASHVILLE TN 3 7 2 0 6
Of course, name s a y s all here, but these folks
were farmorevehementthaneven the do-gooderSenator's
"Attempted, addressee not known".
wives who want to impose stricter control on our kulture
The reason she is not known by the current a d d r e s s e e is b e c a u s e s h e kicked the bucket a couple of
box. New address:
years back. This happens, you know.
BOX 10491
OAKLAND CA 94610-0491
"Attempted, not known".
Published the DIRECTORY OF MAIL-ORDERMINISTRIESandmadeitavailableforameasly SASE!!!
Yep. This w a s where books about Nikola Tesla
Marinacci wrote us with the following info:
and his work were sold. Now available at:
'The DIRECTORY h a s been out of print since 1987. It w a s originally issued in a once-only
run of 50 copies. The DIRECTORY was out of print by the time HIGH WEIRDNESS appeared, and I
had to send out over2O0 letters stating this sad fact to people who'd written fortheircopy. Please pass
PO BOX 5 6 3 6
this information on to your readers. You might also tell them that I recommend ministerial credentials
from the UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH/601 THIRD S T / M O D E S T O CA 9 5 3 5 1 . Not only do they ordain
for free, but they let their Ministers ordain others in turn s o long a s they register new
inductees with the Modesto office."
He requested that we NOT list his current address. This request is being
honored, and a s such, is the end of the line for the Directory. He is involved in other
projects, the connection to which he wishes to be mysterious. Cool by us.
Asylum For Shut-ins will be coming to our friend
Wanda's mailbox... will it come to yours? Don't
be caught hoping your newsstand will stock it.
Subscribe today! Be sure to pick up any back
issues you may have missed!

#1 Our blessed debut! We reveal our inspiration; explain why we do what we-do; using pictures, we tell you how to
do it for yourself; and we display our bountiful harvest of UFO, cult, extreme political, and other fringencwsletters and
zines, and the catalogs which sell related junk. All was this crammed around amazing turn-back-the-clock clip-art. The
initial 48-page treasure trove for information hounds. Was "Editor's Choice" in Factsheet 5 #50! Supply is running
short! How often have you thought, "oh, that'll be around forever", and then it was gone and then you kick yourself?

#2 Even more in-depth than before, gleefully displaying personal responses from the progenitors of the material we
cover; still more zine and book reviews; ditto catalogs; music reviews even; discussion of these materials as gems for
future historians; insider coverage of an intense SubGenius de-vival; an even more intense rant from Rev. Ivan Stang;
a word to the wise concerning prank calls; more clip-art bonanzas and tons of love.

B A C K i S S U E S A R E $ 2 . 5 0 E A C H P O S T P A I D ! R E M E M B E R , 4 - I S S U E S U B S C R I P T I O N S A R E $9 IN T H E U.S.
ASYLUM is a more comfortable and discreet kind of magazine than Answer Me!
You can rely on ASYLUM for full protection for up to 8 hours. ASYLUM'S writing
IF YOU'RE SUBSCRIBING TO ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS style has been carefully designed to fit your mind. The mail carrier easily glides
FOR THE FIRST TIME, PLEASE READ THESE SIMPLE ASYLUM into the right position in your mailslot where your fingers eagerly await.
DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY. ASYLUM can be used with confidence, even the first time.

HOW TO SUBSCRIBE TO ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS: First choose a comfortable position. Try sitting
on the toilet with your knees apart. Or try squatting with your knees bent and far apart. RELAX and take your
iBdiftj* time. If you're tense, the muscles in your vagina may tighten up. Follow the directions below.

Decide that exploring Gather up $9 tor a four- Write the below address Slide your payment Be sure to indicate with
the world of cults, issue subscription to on the envelope. You don't lovingly into the envelope. which issue we should start
Forteana, far-out music, Asylum For Shut-Ins. Any want it to be inserted in Be sure to conceal cash your sub. ASYLUM will
UFOs, kooks, ranters, form of payment is fine. someone else's mailslot, do payments well. If paying be comfortably inside you r
conspiracy theories, Those using pre-1965 you? Remember to relax in silvercoin, be certain to body and mind in a matter
suppressed information, dimes and quarters may your muscles, otherwise tape them to a piece of of days. Congratulations!
etc., is something you'd deduct 90%! Make checks you may be subject to un­ paper so they don't jingle, You're on your way to life
like to do in much greater and money orders out to speakable horror... like, no arousing the curiosity of a complete life. Isn't it
detail. MIKE KOLE. zine, man. a postal worker. about time?
When ASYLUM FOR SHUT-INS is subscribed to properly, you shouldn't feel a thing. If you feel uncomfortable, ASYLUM is probably not far enough inside you.
* You should drop everything upon receiving it in the mail.
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* Write for the goodies that tickle your brain. NOW!
P.O. BOX 46581
* Sell all your belongings and persue your One True Path! BEDFORD OH 44146

ABOUT SILVER COINS The reason I call for payment in silver coins is
simply to see if people will do it.
Yes, Misseur Kole, just why is it that you are so Part of the problem inherent in the scenario is the
taken by these arcane objects? Well, there are several scarcity of silver coin in common circulation. I used to be
reasons why I am personally taken by silver coins. If you a newspaper carrier in my teen years. Had the route for five
believe that the Federal Reserve Act of 1913 was the action years. In that time, I pulled in a lot of change- about $ 15 per
of conspiratorial bankers out to influence and control the week or approximately $3900 in that span. How much was
American- and honestly would henceforth have been the silver in face value terms? About $12. That's a pretty
casein 1913- and world economy to their own benefit, you crummy ratio... just more than three-thousandths of one
will also come to the conclusion that common Federal percent! And that was 10 years ago! There is appreciably
Reserve Notes are not "legal money" in the truest sense. less silver in circulation now than then.
Certainly, the FRN's are traded strictly because both parties If someone is willing to pay in silver coin, they have
on either end of the transaction have put their faith in the to be very willing to part with it. The scheme is a litmus test.
value of the Notes and are willing to accept them. If people are willing to sidestep the Federal Reserve System
I would be very willing not to accept Federal to accept means of trade on their own terms, they open up
Reserve Notes if I could find enough like-minded people. a huge set of possibilities for themselves.
Why? It would effectively thwart the methods of control.
Gold and silver were the standards by which our currency 1. The avoidance of auditable bookkeeping.
was previously based; gold until 1920, silver until 1965. 2. The avoidance of inflation.
However, being that I can be convinced that the 3. The accumulation of a time-honored standard
FRN's are valueless, I can also reject the value of silver and would be invaluable in times of economic collapse.
gold. What can I really do will these two metals that I
wouldn't better do with steel? I wouldn't build the support­ These are only the beginning! We've yet to
ing sructure of my home with a soft metal like gold. receive a single payment in silver coin. We offer
Likewise a shovel or any other tool I might truly need. a stunning 90% discount to anyone who does!