Communication and Presentation Skills

Assignment
By: Momina Atif Dar
Section: 18-B

Dialectics in your Relationships:

The relationship of me and my sister has a span of 18 years right now but we are sort of close
and understand each other.
From my perspective I like to make decisions on my own and don’t consult her as I am eldest
but I think she has never really minded that. But obviously there are some points where we talk
and make a decision together but autonomy is more than connection when it comes to the
decisions related to me. There is a little barrier between us which stops her from sharing some
important things or her problems with me which I get to know about later from my mother. A
point which I remember we had tension in our bonding was when she was done with her
matriculation and it was time to decide what field should she opt for intermediate. I was in the
favor of ICS because I knew that is the future, CS is the future but she didn’t want to do it. She
wanted to go in Arts field just because she didn’t want to study mathematics and physics but I
knew she could do ICS that’s the reason I was pushing her to do it. Those were the days when
she and I faced some dialectical tension. There’s some predictability in our relationship as well
like whenever I have to go home I buy food items for both of my sisters so it’s kind of predictable
that I’ll surely bring them edible stuff.
From her perspective she is sort of happy that her and I share a connection and she believes
whatever decisions I make for her are better for her one way or another even if she doesn’t like
them in the first place. She said that the connection between us is somewhat open and
somewhat closed. Like she can talk to me about stuff that bothers her but to some extent,
there’s this barrier of age difference and difference of perspectives she believes is what hinders
her to talk to me about her personal stuff. She thinks I am short-tempered and will scold her (I
am not like that, I love my sisters equally so I’d never scold her, I’ll just make her to understand
things a little better). And about predictability she mentioned the homecoming too, that it’s
predictable that I’ll bring her something for sure. But about the novelty she said that sometimes I
go extra mile to make them happy like I bake a cake just to make my sisters happy or do a favor
to them.

I learned that if you communicate with others you get to learn more about them and they get to
learn a lot about you. This way the impression of a person can change, our perspective can
change about them and many things which we hear about people might prove to be just false
rumors. Apart from this if people communicate they can strengthen their relationship because
they will surely share things, ideas and feelings with each other so if both of the persons take
care of the privacy of these things then their relationship will never suffer. One should trust the
other person and protect their trust as well. It’s a two-way thing which ought to suffer if one of
the two doesn’t take into consideration the moral values.
Moreover, I learned that many problems can’t even raise their heads if both have strong
communication i.e. there are no barriers between them.
This activity of talking to my sister has changed my perspective and way of handling issues.

I will now take into consideration what my sister actually wants and then analyze if it’s a good
decision or not. If it is then I will stand by her but if it’s not I will guide her. In terms of personal
problems I will try to keep my patience level high and get into the shoes of my sister to
understand the situation better and then do something about it.

Distinguishing between Relationship Types:

Acquaintances:
Muqaddas, Laiba, Zillay, Sabahat, Faryal

I consider all of these mentioned above as acquaintances because I interact with them but don’t
share personal feelings with them and mainly discuss random unimportant stuff. With Muqaddas
I talk about going to hostel together, whether to go by bus or by taxi. Other than this we talk
about stuff related to assignments and presentations. With other four I discuss courses taught at
university and problems in them.The subjects that I avoid with all of them is related to personal
stuff. I don’t discuss my problems with them. In my opinion there is not any potential for
friendship.

Friends:
Noor, Hira, Andarip, Rabia, Minahil

I consider these as my friends because I talk about random stuff with them which is somewhat
important and somewhat gibberish. But I like their company and value it. With them I discuss
about things which are not just related to random stuff but we discuss sensible stuff too like
sometimes we are in feels and get a bit serious, then we talk about thoughtful stuff (unlike I do
with my acquaintances). I avoid discussing personal problems with them, problems which
revolve around my inner circle or my family. They have the potential of becoming best friends
but not intimate relationship for which I’d have to initiate disclosing myself a bit and observing
whether the other person is ready for it or do they want to do likewise or not.

Best Friends:
Aqsa, Aamna, Sana

These are my best friends because I can talk about anything with them without the fear of being
judged and they can do likewise because they know I’d listen patiently and understand rather
than judging them. I talk about my personal stuff with them, even if there’s a problem in my
family. The subjects which I avoid are not specific but particularly those which might heat up the
conversation or might raise problems between us. The difference between this relationship and
the others is that I am free in this, like I can talk about anything and even if it’s against the idea
of the other person they will understand and respect my point of view instead of initiating an
argument. We understand each other and care about the feelings as well.

I have learned in my relationships that it’s important to take into consideration the feelings of
other person even if you’re just acquaintances but don’t be too bothered by it. One should not
ignore the moral values while developing terms with people. One should understand that
everybody has their own way of seeing things, have their own perspective so one should not
scold or ridicule them for that. One should get into the shoes of the other person rather than
jumping to conclusions and try to see things their way to understand the situation better.
Moreover, I have learned that communicating the right way is the key. They way you interact
with people is the way they will respond back and remember you.

Johari Window:

MOMINA

OPEN BLIND
Talkative Versatile
Amiable Adaptable
Helpful Kooky
Dynamic Laid-back
Jolly Indecisive

SECRET UNKNOWN
Adventurous Can’t tell because with time we get to know
Trustworthy about these and when we do, it automatically
Intuitive falls in some other pane rather than
Investigative ‘unknown’ pane
Diligent

Adjectives I selected for myself:

Versatile, talkative, helpful, laid-back, indecisive

Adjectives people selected for me:

Talkative, amiable, jolly, versatile, adaptable

I have learned that people think I only talk a lot and not observe things but actually even when I
am talking I am observing about the other person too from the way they respond back or the
way they listen to me. I have also learned that people believe what they see like they all think
that I am jolly because I act like it, even if I am stressed out or tired I can be jolly so people only
see what I choose to show them. The adjectives which I picked for myself and the ones people
around me picked are only similar in terms of being jolly, friendly. This information is important
for me as if I have to develop my relationship with somebody or initiate a talk I can be very open
to be friendly with them, it’s like a plus point for an amiable and talkative person. This is the only
way I have made friends so far and developed good terms with acquaintances. Also because I
am adaptable, I adapt whatever situation or place I am in and when I mix up with people and be
like them, they start liking me after some time because they start thinking of it as positive sign
that I am valuing their traditions, culture or norms.

Conversation and Analysis: Trevor and Meg

Trevor discloses his feelings of getting committed openly by initiating the conversation right from
the point of thinking about their future together. But Meg is not yet ready and she discloses her
concerns openly and does an open communication with Trevor. Tells him about her future plans
and the problems she might be facing after graduation and also that she is not yet ready for a
commitment. Both offer feedback that they should understand each other first and then take a
decision.

They are in love with each other and are at the stage where they should think about their future
together. It seems to me from Trevor’s side when he says about getting engaged and moving in
together after graduating.

They are dealing with Autonomy-Connection dialectical tension as Trevor is thinking about both
of them and want his years after graduation to revolve around them both whereas Meg wants to
solely focus on her career and doesn’t want any distractions from Trevor, be it his career or
crisis. They are using the strategy of doing an open conversation and disclosing their personal
interests but both of them are not taking into consideration the interests of the other person.
Both of them are thinking from their own perspective and are not trying to get into the shoes of
other person to understand them better. If they do they might agree on a single final decision.
But they are agreeing on giving their relationship some time.

Meg’s real fear is that if one day Trevor faces a midlife crisis or starts regretting his decision of
choosing career then he might walk out on her and their family.

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