JUNE 28, 2019

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2 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

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Page 3
New Jersey Devils choose
Canadian Jew as first pick

ANDRE RINGUETTE/NHLI VIA GETTY IMAGES

l Even though he’s just 18, Jack
Hughes, is used to making history.
And now he’s done it again, becom-
ing the first Jewish player to be
drafted No. 1 overall by the National
Hockey League.
The New Jersey Devils picked
Hughes last week as their first draft
choice. Hughes is a Florida native who
grew up in Ontario, Canada, the son of
a Jewish mother and Catholic father
— both big-time hockey players back
in the day — who attended Catholic
high school but had a bar mitzvah.
“We did Passover when we were
younger,” the teen phenom told “The
Michael Kay Show” on ESPN Radio
on Monday.
His older brother, Quinn, was the
Vancouver Canucks’ No. 7 pick last
year. Both brothers were members
of the U.S. squad in the Men’s World
Championship last month in Slova-
kia. They have a 15-year-old brother,
Luke, who appears to be following in
their footsteps.
Being chosen No. 1 overall “obvi-
ously is special … really exciting,”
Jack told Kay and his sidekicks.
Does this mean that you get
to brag at Christmas? they asked
Hughes, a 5-10, 170-pound forward.
“Not just Christmas but the other
364 days, too,” he responded, not-
ing the siblings’ competitiveness. His
brother is a defenseman.
Hughes broke the U.S. National
Team Development Program record
for points with 190 in the recently
completed season.
Hughes and his brothers inherited
their hockey genes from their par- their top choice.
ents. Mom Ellen Weinberg-Hughes “I think he’s going to change our
was a member of the U.S. women’s organization,” an executive and a for-
national squad that took silver in the mer star goalie with the club said, ac-
1992 World Championships, while cording to the Breaking Israel News
dad Jim played for Providence Col- website. “He’s a tremendous talent.”
lege before becoming a coach and Upon confirming Hughes’ Jewish-
working in player development with ness, one of Kay’s sidekicks, Peter
the NHL’s Boston Bruins and the To- Rosenberg, was on board as a fan,
ronto Maple Leafs. forsaking his former favorite, Pitts-
“It’s in my blood to be an athlete, burgh Penguins’ great Sidney Crosby
to be a hockey player,” Hughes said (who’s not Jewish).
on the Kay show. “My parents are
having a ball with it.”
“Dude, we’re counting on you,”
Rosenberg told Hughes.
CONTENTS
The Devils expect quite a bit from MARC BRODSKY/JTA NOSHES���������������������������������������������������������4
BRIEFLY LOCAL�����������������������������������������12
COVER STORY������������������������������������������� 16
JEWISH WORLD�������������������������������������� 20

Israeli company debuts world’s OPINION������������������������������������������������������24

D’VAR TORAH�������������������������������������������29
THE FRAZZLED HOUSEWIFE������������� 30
first all-electric plane CROSSWORD PUZZLE�������������������������� 30
CALENDAR�������������������������������������������������32
OBITUARIES���������������������������������������������� 34
l An odd-looking Israeli prototype CLASSIFIED ADS��������������������������������������36
aircraft sparked curiosity at the Paris REAL ESTATE���������������������������������������������38
Air Show last week. But it is more than
the plane’s modernist exterior that has
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In fact, according to the company,
the battery makes up 65 percent of the
plane’s weight. The Alice carries nine
passengers and two crewmen. Its range
is limited to around 1,000 kilometers
(600 miles), but for short distances, the
company hopes it can cut down operat-
ing costs to somewhere around one-
fifth of current rates.
“This plane was built first and foremost for the pas-
senger’s flight experience,” Eviation CEO Omer Bar-Yo-
hay told Channel 12 news. “We planned and designed
the plane around that.”
Bar-Yohay said the plane’s sleek, out-of-the-ordinary
look, which he dubbed “whale-shaped,” is largely the
result of “the need to be very aerodynamically effi-
cient.”
He said the aircraft was a part of the “third revolu-
tion” in aviation, following prop planes and jet aircraft.
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Developers hope, with time, to increase such planes’
size and range.
Candlelighting:
The Alice still needs several more years of test flights
to received certification by the Federal Aviation Au-
Friday, June 28, 8:14 p.m.
thority. But Bar-Yohay predicted that once it does, Shabbat ends:
demand will balloon. Saturday, June 29, 9:22 p.m.
“We’ll have a supply issue, not a demand issue,” he
told Bloomberg.
Eviation said such interest already is apparent, with For convenient home delivery,
American regional airline Cape Air expressing a desire call 201-837-8818
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JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 3

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Noshes “I am a Jewboy from Long Island.

I am not a Catholic priest. I am not
there to extract confession.”
— Documentary filmmaker Errol Morris, in response
to the “Lawfare” podcast asking whether his job
on his films about Robert McNamara and Donald
DOCUMENTARY:
Rumsfeld was “to extract regret” over their wars
La-La Land’s in Vietnam or Iraq.
musical echoes
The documenta- Jackson Browne, and defended DeLorean became rich at 8, when
ry “Echo in the Brian Wilson of the on charges of cocaine her mother wed a
Canyon” opened Beach Boys. Inter- trafficking, also is dra- Jewish millionaire,
in several New spersed with the matized. married famous
Jersey theaters interviews are iconic playwright William
(including Montclair) Laurel Canyon songs Saroyan in 1943. It was
last week and probably performed by more Six degrees of a bad marriage. After it
still will be playing this recent music stars, Gloria Vanderbilt ended in 1951, she tried
coming week. It including REGINA Kevin Bacon acting and met WAL-
celebrates the 50th SPEKTOR, 39, and may be connect- TER MATTHAU. They
anniversary of the Jakob Dylan. The film’s ed by six jumps wed in 1959 and were
explosion of new rock director is ANDREW to just about happy until his death in
music that was created SLATER, 50ish, a Jakob Dylan Regina Spektor every actor. But I 2000. Marcus and
by musicians then decades-long friend of believe that Gloria Matthau often social-
either living in or Jakob Dylan and a Vanderbilt, who died ized with Vanderbilt
frequently visiting the former president of last week at 95, and her third husband,
Laurel Canyon in Los Capitol Records. (Make probably was connect- soon-to-be famous
Angeles. Rock musician a mental note to see ed, via her ultra-rich director SIDNEY
JAKOB DYLAN, 48 (the this film if it isn’t in a ancestors or by herself, LUMET (1924-2011).
son of BOB DYLAN, theater near you. to just about every When Gloria married
78), interviews many of Reviews are very good. famous American since him in 1955, she
the still-living musicians 1776. In 1940, she and thought he could help
associated with Laurel Josh Charles fest her pals Oona O’Neill her with her budding
Canyon. One of his first “The Loudest (the daughter of acting career. He
interviews is with Roger Voice” is a playwright Eugene couldn’t. (Gloria wasn’t
McGuinn, the leader of seven-episode O’Neill) and CAROL a good actress.) The
the Byrds, one of the Showtime series MARCUS (1924-2003) marriage broke up in
Andrew Slater Josh Charles
first big Laurel Canyon that premieres on were the toast of New 1963. Even before the
bands. McGuinn helped June 30. It stars took over Ailes’ job services. As you might York café society. These breakup, Marcus felt
invent what came to be Russell Crowe as the only to be ousted the have guessed, the film three friends were Vanderbilt had become
called folk rock when late Roger Ailes, the next year, when several is about John DeLo- beautiful and charming, “too phony,” and their
he took Bob Dylan’s creator and head of lawsuits claimed he rean (1925-2005), the and even though all friendship ended for
acoustic song “Mr. the Fox News and abetted Ailes’ sexual famous auto executive were 15 or 16 in 1940, good when Marcus
Tambourine Man” and television networks. He harassment. Shine who headed up the too young to legally expressed sympathy for
re-orchestrated it as a was ousted from Fox became the White short-lived DeLorean drink, no café owner Lumet during the
hit rock song played in 2016, a year before House communica- car company. There would deny them a breakup. Lumet quickly
with electric guitars. he died, amid a tions director in June are many dramatic cocktail. In 1943, when married Lena Horne’s
The sound he helped cascade of accusations 2018, but lasted only 10 re-enactments in the she was 18, Oona would daughter, and Gloria
create was echoed in that he had sexually months in that job. film. Alec Baldwin elope with Charlie quickly married Wyatt
the music style of many harassed many female The documentary plays DeLorean, and Chaplin and become Cooper, Anderson
others, including Fox employees, “Framing DeLorean” Josh Charles plays Bill the mother of actress Cooper’s father. If you
documentary inter- including former has been playing in just Collins, an engineer Geraldine Chaplin and go six jumps or less
viewees Michelle anchor Gretchen a smattering of the- who designed the grandmother of Oona from just the people
Phillips of “The Mamas Carlson (played by aters nationwide. It’s DeLorean car. Real-life Castile Chaplin (who named above, you
and Papas” (which Naomi Watts). JOSH unlikely to play near attorney HOWARD played Robb Stark’s probably would find a
included the late CASS CHARLES, 47, plays Bill you. But it’s available, WEITZMAN, now wife in “Game of line to every famous
ELLIOT), John Sebas- Shine, Ailes’ longtime now, on most pay- 77, who led the legal Thrones”). Marcus, who American.
tian, Stephen Stills, top aide at Fox. He per-view streaming team that successfully was born poor, and –N.B.

Want to read more noshes? Visit facebook.com/jewishstandard California-based Nate Bloom can be reached at
Middleoftheroad1@aol.com

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Local
Riding the Tour de Simcha
Local women to cycle 100 miles and benefit Chai Lifeline programs for seriously ill kids
ABIGAIL KLEIN LEICHMAN

F
or the last 21 years, Libby
Akerman of Wesley Hills has
volunteered for Chai Lifeline,
a Jewish international sup-
port network for children with serious
illness and their families. She provides
hospital transport and assists at moth-
ers’ retreats.
On July 16, Ms. Akerman will join
more than 200 women in the eighth
annual 100-mile Tour de Simcha, a bike
ride to benefit Chai Lifeline programs,
including its summer camps. The funds
raised since the ride’s inception total
more than $5.3 million; this year, close
to $700,000 has been pledged.
Ms. Akerman is delighted about the
success of Tour de Simcha because it was
her idea in the first place, back in 2011. At
that point, her husband had participated
in the first two annual Bike4Chai 180-
mile men’s rides for Chai Lifeline. That From left, Tour de Simcha riders Idy Judawitz, Chaya Iflah, Jacqueline McClure, Libby Akerman, and Iris Shalam.
route finishes on an emotional high with
a grand entrance at Chai Lifeline’s Camp and told everyone I knew about it. I ride, riffing off the Tour de France. (They with a group of friends. But the knowl-
Simcha boys session in Glen Spey. recruited 40 of my friends,” she said. “I checked and found that there are no legal edge that Tour de Simcha and Bike4Chai
“I wanted a women’s ride,” Ms. Aker- love Chai Lifeline and I love their cause problems in using a similar name.) benefit gravely ill children gives partic-
man says, envisioning a similar grand and I’m close with some of the families “Then I went with Mindy to Queens ipants more than just a good workout.
entrance during Camp Simcha’s session they serve. It was very meaningful and and Long Island and we recruited adven- “They have both become major social
for girls. personal for me.” turous women. Many of the women who events,” Ms. Akerman said. “They are
When she broached the idea to her At a Brooklyn brainstorming session were interested didn’t even have bikes,” really part of people’s identity.”
contacts at Chai Lifeline, they asked, with several friends and with Mindy Ms. Akerman said. That is true on an even deeper level
“Would enough women besides you Tyner, then coordinator of Bike4Chai and The mother of five children, ranging for the family and community of Evan
want to do a long-distance bike ride?” later director of Tour de Simcha, fellow in age from 8 to 24, she is very athletic; Levy, an Englewood child felled by brain
Absolutely, she assured them. Rockland County resident Roz Feinsod she does triathlons and recently com- cancer in 2016, when he was 4 1/2.
“I made a kickoff party in my house came up with the catchy name of the pleted a 100-mile Gran Fondo bike ride SEE TOUR DE SIMCHA PAGE 29

Team Evan members Sari Schiff, Bibi Pavel, and Tova Gerson gear
up for the Tour de Simcha. Libby Akerman grins at the Tour de Simcha finish line.
6 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
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Local

FIRST PERSON

Marking 20 years of working on black/Jewish relations

Michael Cohen

N
ext month marks the 20th anniversary of
the Capitol Hill Black/Jewish Relations Con-
gressional Conference, co-hosted by rep-
resentatives John Lewis (D-Ga.) and Alcee
Hastings (D-Fla.), that I organized out of the office of
Representative Edolphus Towns (D-N.Y.).
It is an event that has impacted my life as has no other
and was held just weeks after the nation was horrified
by the events in Sacramento, where vicious anti-Semitic
hate crimes were perpetrated against three synagogues
that were firebombed by white supremacists Benjamin
and Tyler Williams, while a thousand miles away in Jas-
per, Texas, 49-year old James Byrd Jr. was dragged to his
death, tied to the back of a pickup truck by white suprem-
acists. This called for a reinvigoration of the historic
black/Jewish relationship so that we could mount a joint Twenty years ago, the black and Jewish caucus was helped by, from left, Betty Ehrenberg, with the
responsiveness to hate and the hate crimes it provokes. Orthodox Union and now with the World Jewish Congress; Michael Cohen; Rabbi David Saperstein of
The groundbreaking event invited black members the Union for Reform Judaism; and Representatives Alcee Hastings, Edolphus “Ed” Towns, and Jesse
of Congress to meet with the presidents of major Jew- Jackson Jr.
ish organizations with an eye toward establishing seri-
ous relationships. Media was not allowed in the room, was not going to be just another photo op. was difficult to break up after almost double that time.
so that dialogue could occur without reservation, and At the time there were 34 members of the caucus; There were commitments to follow up and continue
so that progress toward re-establishing a foundation 24 of them arrived for the 8 a.m. bagels-and-lox break- what began that morning.
of trust for collective action could be achieved. This fast. The session, scheduled to last an hour and a half, See relations page 15

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Jewish Standard JUNE 28, 2019 7

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Local

Bridging two worlds

Englewood’s Stuart Halpern is tasked with aligning YU’s yeshiva and university
LARRY YUDELSON Rabbi Halpern said that his book follows in the

Y
eshiva University’s motto long has been
“Torah Umadda” — Torah and secular
knowledge. But how the two halves of
Yeshiva University fit together has not
always been clear to students. Jewish classes are Jewish
classes, and secular classes are secular classes, and not
often did the twain meet.
That is starting to change.
Rabbi Stuart Halpern of Englewood is the chief
adviser to the university’s provost and the head of its
press. His task, he said, is “bridging the Y and the U.”
Rabbi Halpern began working at YU 13 years ago,
starting in its department of student life. In 2010, he
had the idea of putting together a collection of essays on
the weekly Torah portion from through-
out the university, including “law pro-
fessors, high school educators, roshei
yeshiva” — that is, Talmud instructors —
and “psychologists.”
“Mitokh Haohel” — the name means
“from the tent” — proved a success. YU
Press published a sequel on the haftorah
portions, and three volumes of essays on
the prayer book. It also got Rabbi Halp-
ern noticed by YU’s then-president Rich-
ard Joel, who tasked him with creating
projects that would bring together the
different parts of the university. Rabbi Stuart Halpern
This spring, Yeshiva University Press
recently published two volumes that exemplify Rabbi
Halpern’s work in bringing the two realms together:
“Gleanings: Reflections on Ruth,” a collection of essays, in Selma with Martin Luther King, on immigration as a
and “Proclaim Liberty Throughout the Land: The
Hebrew Bible in the United States: A Sourcebook.”
“Megillat Ruth is a passion of mine,” Rabbi Halpern
said. “It’s about so many important topics like conver-
sion, immigration law, elder care, and family.
“Ruth is a very radical book. People treat Ruth as a
simple story, a happy story with little conflict and only biblical text, the essay juxtaposes the biblical stories with
positive characters. That’s one reading. But there’s also verse by 19th century English poet John Keats.
a radicalness. She comes from Moab, a nation that is a
sworn enemy of the Jews. She pledges her allegiance
to the Jewish people in a very radical way. She says,
‘Wherever you go, I will go.’”
That language, Rabbi Halpern said, hearkens back to
God’s command to Abraham of “lech lecha,” go forth
to the land of Israel.
“Abraham is told by God to go to the Land of Israel
and God will take care of him. He goes
with his family and wealth.
“Ruth is the opposite. She is going on
her own, with no family, no spouse, on an
Abrahamic journey of her own, with no
reassurances that everything will be okay.
“How radical is that, having an
immigration story that supersedes in
a way our literal founding father? She
out-Abrahams Abraham! And the book
gives her the ultimate reward — she gets
to be the great-grandmother of David
and ultimately of the Messiah. This is
an immigrant story.”
“Gleanings” includes essays by YU faculty. “There’s an
incredible chapter by Rabbi Saul Berman, who marched
theme in Genesis and the Book of Ruth.” And it includes
essays by scholars outside the university. Writer Ilana
Kurshan “wrote a beautiful chapter on love in Ruth and
Song of Songs,” he said. In keeping with the book’s prom-
ise to demonstrate the benefits of “the synthesis of Torah
Umadda (Torah and general wisdom)” when studying the
“Proclaim Liberty Throughout the Land” is an out-
growth of YU’s Zahava and Moshael Straus Center for
Torah and Western Thought. “This is the first source
book that puts the foundational documents of American
history, from the Puritans and Founding Fathers through
Abraham Lincoln, with the biblical verses that inspired
them,” Rabbi Halpern said. The verses appear in both the
original Hebrew and the English King James translation.
footsteps of Eric Nelson’s book, “The Hebrew
Republic: Jewish Sources and the Transformation
of European Political Thought,” which “shows how
after the Protestant Reformation, many Christians
were interested in going back to the Hebrew Bible.
They realized that its writings have much to say
about democracy and the rights of many. His book
shows how the political philosophy that shaped
America was in conversation with and inspired by
Jewish texts.”
The book took seven years to create, Rabbi Halp-
ern said. “As luck would have it, it arrived the week
we read, in the weekly Torah portion Behar, ‘You
should proclaim liberty throughout the land.’ If
that’s not providence, what is?”
Rabbi Halpern has run interdisciplinary pro-
grams on campus and off. He ran an online forum
on the future of the book. Taking that show on the
road, he ran a panel called “YU Ideas” at the Frisch
School in Paramus. “We brought in three YU fac-
ulty members — an English professor, a yeshiva pro-
fessor, and a computer scientist — to talk about the
future of the book.”
He produced a podcast called “Reinventing the
Self,” which was released last year before the month
of Elul and the season of repentance. “It brought
into conversation an addiction therapist, a profes-
sor at YU’s Cordozo Law School who changed the
policy on solitary confinement, and Daniel Rynhold,
a professor of Jewish philosophy who has a chapter
on repentance in his book ‘Nietzsche, Soloveitchik,
and Contemporary Jewish Philosophy.’”
On the academic level, he is looking at ways to cre-
ate more formal interdisciplinary programs at YU.
“The Straus Center recently got New York State
approval for a graduate certificate in Jewish political
and social thought,” he said. “The coursework there
will be of interest to students in the RIETS rabbinical
school, the Cordozo law school, the Revel graduate
school of Jewish studies, and the Azrieli graduate
school for education. Coursework will range from a
course in the biblical ideas of American democracy
to a course in Lincoln and leadership to a course on
art history and Jewish thought.
“We’ve also been exploring many avenues by
which there can be overlap between our rabbinical
school and our social work school,” he said.
He said he expects to see other interdisciplinary pro-
grams formalized and approved in the coming years.

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8 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

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JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 9

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Local

When life imitates art imitates life

A ‘light-hearted’ expose from two women in Jackie Mason’s world
LOIS GOLDRICH

I
t’s complicated, says playwright
Ginger Reiter, whose work, “The
Jackie Mason Musical,” will come
to Glen Rock in July.
And no, she is not bitter. Neither is
her daughter, comic Sheba Mason,
whose birth father — the famous comic,
now 88 — not only denied his pater-
nity but dragged their case through the
courts for a full three years.
“I don’t feel bitter,” Ms. Reiter said. “I
feel grateful that I had the experience,
and even Sheba admires him from afar.”
She doesn’t necessarily want her audi-
ence to see Mr. Mason in a negative light,
she said. “They can see the play and
make up their own minds.”
What she shows audiences, she said,
“is a big trial for Jackie, not only in court
but in life. It’s a hard thing, since peo-
ple admire him. Some will agree, some
won’t. Those who love him will be disap-
pointed. But who’s perfect?”
Complicated indeed. Still, Ms. Reiter
said, the play, describing her 10-year
romantic relationship with Jackie Mason, Sheba Mason, second from left, with the cast of “The Jackie Mason Musical.”  PHOTO BY GEORGE WENTZLER
is “light-hearted.” Mr. Mason attended
its opening night in Florida and was hon- teach high school English, she met Mr. For example, she said, he showed her six years ago.
ored there, she added. The play also has Mason at a delicatessen. She re-creates the difference between the way Jews Ms. Reiter’s husband, Manny Silver,
been launched in New York and Chicago. the scene in her musical. and non-Jews walk into a restaurant. is the cantor at Temple Beth El of Holly-
Ms. Reiter, who calls Mr. Mason both Of the paternity suit, Ms. Reiter said wood in Florida and occasionally plays
brilliant and interesting, wrote the play that Mr. Mason “tried to stop it,” but Mr. Mason’s sidekick when the musical
before Sheba was born in 1986. “I devel- the judge threw out his objections. “He is produced in Florida. The couple live
oped it into a musical because I always never wanted children,” she said. “Ordi- in Boca Raton.
thought he was such an interesting char- narily, a case like that should take three “Jackie is a cantor and I loved when he
acter,” she said. months. But he fought every step of sang cantorial music, especially during
Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish the way and it took three years. They the holidays,” Ms. Reiter said. “My hus-
between theater and real life. Sheba came up with ridiculous things but they band became a cantor after we met. He
Reiter, now a professional stand-up couldn’t wear me down. I had to go to had a great voice.” He also knew that his
comedian and actress who lives a block court for 55 hearings.” wife loved cantorial music.
from her father in Manhattan, met her Still, she remains philosophical. Ms. Reiter now spends her time man-
father only once. She was raised by her “I look at things not just from this aging her musicals and comedies, includ-
mother and her grandmother, and she lifetime,” she said. “This was a chap- ing “King Solomon & His 700 Wives:
plays her mother in the show. ter. I believe we choose to be born into The Musical” and “Mel Schwartz Sleeps
Ginger Reiter was born in New York, certain situations that we have to work With Mae West.” As the writer of both
and her family later moved to New Jer- out. Sheba and Jackie had issues before the plays and their music, Ms. Reiter
sey, where she attended Fairleigh Dick- this lifetime. She was very hurt, but said that playwright Anais Mitchell, who
inson University, graduating with a bach- now has accepted it. She likes being Ginger Reiter is philosophical about wrote both the book and the music for
elor’s degree in education. In 1977, three an actress and singing,” though profes- her relationship with Jackie Mason. the Broadway musical “Hadestown,” is
days after moving to Miami Beach to sionally she makes her living as a come- her role model.
dian. While she lives a block away from “I learned that Jews never get the right “I’ve been writing songs since I was
Who: Ginger Reiter and Triton Tal- her birth father, “she respects his pri- table,” but non-Jews remain where they a little girl,” she said, citing two songs
ent Productions will present vacy and won’t go to the restaurant he are placed, “and that Jews ask for dog- in the upcoming production, “Ode to
What: “The Jackie Mason Musical” eats at.” Ginger Reiter occasionally sees gie bags.” the Early Bird Special” and “I Never
Mr. Mason on the street. “He smiles,” Ms. Reiter’s mother, another charac- Met This Yenta.” The latter is featured
When: July 11 to July 21
she said. ter in the play, was married to several during a courtroom scene. Ms. Reiter
Where: At Porch Light Studio, Responses to her show have varied, different men, and while she didn’t ultimately won her paternity suit against
Stage & Schools, 555 South Broad she said, noting that one audience mem- attend synagogue, “she dropped her Mr. Mason, who had to pay child sup-
St,, Glen Rock ber said she was “astonished” by the three daughters” — Ginger and her two port for their daughter.
For information and tickets: Call story. Mr. Mason “was an astonishing sisters — “off at a different synagogue As for the upcoming production,
(845) 598-2850 character,” Ms. Reiter said.. “He opened every week. I would learn at all of them. “you don’t have to be Jewish to love it,”
my eyes to everything.” I grew to love it.” Reiter’s mother died she said.
10 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
 JS-11

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JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 11

 JS-12*

Briefly Local

JTS hosts Elisha Wiesel at annual awards dinner

The Jewish Theological Seminary
celebrated its annual Louis Mar-
shall Award Dinner on June 13,
and welcomed guest speaker Eli-
sha Wiesel, who is Goldman Sach’s
chief information officer and the
son of Holocaust survivor and
Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wie-
sel. Dedee and Stephen Lovell were
honored for their dedicated service
to JTS and the Jewish people. The
couple’s long connection to JTS
began in the early 1990s, when
Stephen joined the board of over-
seers of the rabbinical school and
later joined the board of trustees.
Together, the Lovels have been gen-
Elisha Wiesel, CIO of Goldman Sachs; Abby JTS board chair Alan Levine, left, joins Stephen and Dedee Lovell, and
erous supporters and valued mem-
Joseph Cohen, JTS board chair emerita, and Arnold Eisen. ELLEN DUBIN PHOTOGRAPHY
bers of the JTS family.
Arnold Eisen, JTS chancellor.

Norpac hears senator and congressman in Englewood and Teaneck

Last week, the Gontownik family hosted a
Norpac pro-Israel meeting for Senator Mitch
McConnell (R-Ky.), the Senate majority leader,
at their Englewood home. The group held a
roundtable discussion with the senator about
the U.S.-Israel relationship and recent aggres-

PHOTOS COURTESY NORPAC

sion by Iran.
Miriam and Allen Pfeiffer welcomed back
Congressman Dan Lipinski (D-Ill.), who rep-
resents Chicago’s western and southwestern
suburbs, to their home for a Norpac meeting.
In 2015, Mr. Lipinski was one of two dozen
members in his party to vote against the Iran
deal in the House of Representatives. He Dr. Ben Chouake, left, Senate Majority Leader Mitch Miriam and Allen Pfeiffer flank Representative
is a co-sponsor of H.R. 246, a bill opposing McConnell, and Jerry Gontownik. Dan Lipinski.
efforts to delegitimize the state of Israel and
fighting the effects of the Boycott, Divestment, and Sanctions Movement targeting Israel.
The bill has gained wide support in both parties.
Both Mr. McConnell and Mr. Lipinski are up for re-election in November.

Davenning
al fresco
Clergy and congregants at Temple
PHOTO COURTESY TEMPLE BETH SHOLOM

Beth Sholom in Fair Lawn, from

left, Cantor Andrew Schultz, Ira
Kastrinsky, Eric Memmi, Elliot
Melnick, Rabbi Alberto (Baruch)
Zeilicovich, Howard Shultz, Alan
Lewis, Dr. Charles Knapp, and
Asher Auslin, took part in an out-
door kabbalat Shabbat service.

12 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

 JS-13*

Briefly Local

PHOTOS PROVIDED
The extended Gellis family gathers to honor the memory of Harold Gellis.

Teaneck league Yuval Kalmanovich, head of operations for firefighting and rescue at the
Be’er Sheva Regional Station; Helen Levine; Shmulik Friedman, chief of oper-
renamed for ations for Israel Fire and Rescue Authority, and Bob Levine. COURTESY JNF

a key player
Last Sunday, Teaneck’s Bnai Yeshurun
Men’s Club Softball League was officially
renamed in memory of league pioneer
Harold Gellis, who was known to pitch
shutouts and strike out hitters who were
50 years his junior. Mr. Gellis already
was planning for the upcoming season
when he died suddenly in February. The
league now will be known as the Harold
Gellis z”l B’nai Yeshurun Men’s Club
Softball League.
Mr. Gellis played for more than 30
years — many of them as captain — and
kept going past his 70th birthday. He
played for the Bottling Company team,
originally comprised of all Beth Aaron
members. This year, on Father’s Day
morning, the team played against the
Scrubs. Mr. Gellis’ wife, Gloria, their son
Jonathan — who wore his father’s old jer-
sey — three grandsons, a son-in- law, and
a grandson-in-law all were there to watch
the game. Afterward, more than 50 peo-
ple, including captains from other teams,
former teammates, and family members,
attended the renaming ceremony at Ben-
jamin Franklin Junior High School.
Jonathan Gellis moved to Israel two
years ago but he lived in Teaneck until
then. He was the founding owner of the
Rabbi Larry Rothwachs joins
Jonathan Gellis holding the plaque
commemorating his father.
Doghouse.
The Gellis family was given a plaque
memorializing the league’s name
change. Rabbi Larry Rothwachs of Con-
gregation Beth Aaron said, “Harold
was so great at being part of a team,
while being true to himself and what
he believed in.” Jonathan Gellis talked
about his dad’s love of his teammates
as if they were his family, and how he
shared in their simchas. He mentioned
that his father would greet new mem-
bers of shul not with “Are you a Kohen
or a Levi?” but with “Do you play soft-
ball? What position?”
Bob Levine’s 100th Israel trip
has a bit of a siren song
Bob Levine of Teaneck just completed
his 100th trip to Israel. His wife, Helen,
accompanied him, as she has dozens of
times. Recalling his trip to Israel in 1951,
Bob said, “We were flying past Arad, and
I remember looking out the window and
seeing only desert. Over the years, the
country has undergone some miracu-
lous changes. It’s all green now. I just
can’t believe it.”
For the Levines, Israel’s ongoing
growth and development is personal.
Their lives are intertwined with their
role in Jewish National Fund and its
work in creating a better future for the
land and people of Israel. In May, the
Levines traveled to Israel on the Pres-
ident’s Society Mission, a special trip
for JNF-USA President’s Society major
donors, who are committed to the
ongoing task of investing and building
the future of Israel. Bob and Helen pre-
sented their newest contribution to Isra-
el’s frontier — a brand-new fire truck,
to go to the recently renovated Mitzpe
Ramon fire station.
“One has to decide early in life if
they are there for the larger global
community, and if they want to con-
tribute toward making the world a bet-
ter place,” Bob Levine said. “Jewish
National Fund was the vehicle we chose
and it has given us the ability to express
our appreciation for what we have.” He
was surrounded by people who have
benefited from his partnership over the
years, including Mitzpe Ramon’s Mayor
Roni Marom, Israel Fire Chief Shmulik
Friedman, dozens of regional firefight-
ers, and his JNF family.
The Levines’ investment in Mitzpe
Ramon also extends past their philan-
thropic connection and now includes
a newborn great-grand-niece, who will
grow up in the thriving community.
Speaking at the firehouse dedication,
Mayor Merom echoed Bob’s deep and
lasting connection to Israel. “The word
‘partnership’ is the best way to describe
our relationship with Bob, Helen, and
Jewish National Fund-USA. Mitzpe
Ramon would not be able to move for-
ward the way that we have without the
full support of JNF and our American
partners, in terms of community, tour-
ism, and business development.”

More than
Temple Emeth shows pride 411,000 likes.
On June 14, the Viewpoints Committee of Temple Emeth in Teaneck
held its annual Pride Shabbat service. Elaine Barrett of PFLAG said Like us
“I’m Good if They’re Happy” — a talk about the joys and challenges of
parenting LGBTQ children. Kol Emeth, the shul’s choir, performed.
on Facebook.
Viewpoints is a Temple Emeth committee formed to celebrate the
BARBARA BALKIN

diversity of the Jewish community.

Viewpoints Committee co-chair Karen Rappaport,

Elaine Barrett of PFLAG, and Rabbi Steven Sirbu. facebook.com/jewishstandard

JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 13

 JS-14

Briefly Local

BPY raises
over $127k
at walkathon
The Ben Porat Yosef 18th anni-
versary Scholarship Walkathon,
“Walking on Sunshine,” was held
on June 16 at Winton White Sta-
dium in Englewood. It was the cul-
mination of BPY’s efforts to raise
money for the school’s scholarship
fund. Hundreds of participants
helped raise more than $127,000
for BPY scholarships.
Rabbi Saul Zucker, BPY’s head
of school, said, “The BPY Walk- Ben Porat Yosef’s 18th anniversary scholarship walkathon start and finish line. COURTESY BPY

athon was an outstanding success,

both in terms of support and ruach. It is a joy to see organized by Gabrielle Altman, BPY director of Sammy Bensoussan of Englewood. Top fundrais-
students, parents, faculty, administration, lay lead- development, and Tova Small, associate develop- ers included Inna and Howie Siegel of Fort Lee and
ership, community members, and friends all come ment director. Walkathon committee members Elana and Yossi Cohn of Bergenfield, and fundrais-
together to help ensure that anyone who wants a BPY included Jodi Cohen, Dana Gerschel, Cheryl and ers with the most sponsors were Jodi and Shaul
education is able to receive one. What a beautiful dis- Jeremy Ginsburg, Gila Haray, Renee Klyman, Lau- Cohen of Englewood and the Robinson/Bellino fam-
play of achdut!” reen Rahmani, Cori Robinson, Tamara Solomon, ily of Teaneck.
The walkathon featured a group walk, compet- Daniella Spier, and Ilana Tachauer. BPY corporate sponsors included the Jewish Stan-
itive and relay races, giveaways, activity booths, Prizes were presented to the top adult runner, dard, Kaplen JCC on the Palisades, Camp Kef, Grand
sports, crafts, and games. Participants were given Daniel Malka of Englewood, who ran a quarter mile & Essex, Judaica House, Synergy Home Care Bergen
T-shirts, sunglasses, and refreshments. It was in 1:03, and the top student runner, sixth grader County, and the Therapy Gym.

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Relations
FROM PAGE 7
We stand now, hearing once again about the
announcement of a black/Jewish caucus in the halls of
Congress, as if it were a first. We see the public pro-
nouncements already; even before the group’s formal
launch Representative Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) is joining
with the likes of Linda Sarsour to call Representative
Lee Zeldin (R-N.Y.) a host of provocative names, looking
to sow the seeds of anti-Semitism.
What is inherently even more shameful is the of lack
of outcry by her colleagues, particularly by those who
can be monumentally successful in this endeavor if
they are seen as honest and sincere about the realities
facing them.
Twenty years ago, the conference understood that
there were issues between the communities. As they
met, Jewish leadership held its breath, waiting for
potentially challenging statements — but they never
came. The importance of the moment was well under-
stood, the need for us to try to cooperate and stay the
course. And that’s what happened. The participants
understood that they stood for something more import-
ant than their next social media sound bite, and they
were willing at least to come to the table in a respectful
manner.
When I hear anti-Semitic statements from the likes
of Louis Farrakhan, I instead choose to remember
OPENING SHOW! SWING INTO SUMMER!
Svetlana & The Delancey Five Band • Thursday, July 11
Free for all July 11 ticketholders, pre-show ice cream party with a complementary swing dance lesson by Pam, a National
Dance With Me Champion. Svetlana and her troupe have headlined sold out shows across the globe (e.g. Tel Aviv Blues
Festival, Italian Jazz Fest, Blue Note Jazz, BBKings, Joe’s Pub, Boston’s Regatta, etc.) gaining critical acclaim for combining
Svetlana’s sultry, swinging vocals, with the excitement, power, and unpredictable improvisations of the Delancey Five.
JS-15
the moment Georgia’s Representative John Lewis, the
famed civil rights leader, put his hand on my shoulder
when I first approached him about the conference con-
cept. He said to me, “Son, we might have all gotten here
on different ships but we are all in the same boat.”
History often forgets to tell us that he left the organi-
zation he created, the Student Non-Violent Coordinat-
ing Commission, when its next generation of leadership
wanted to eradicate Jews from its board. And while he
is now a founding member of this new caucus, I will not
forget that he was the first member to agree to co-host
a similar endeavor 20 years ago as well.
I chose to focus on the leadership that looks to bring
us together.
Twenty years ago, the conference was not about cre-
ating media attention. It was about working collectively
to fight radically growing hate crimes against both of
our people. I have had enough of unity press confer-
ences. If this new caucus is to have credibility, it too
needs to engage in a true assessment of the current hate
trends aimed specifically against the black and Jewish
communities. And it needs to have the courage to fight
back — even, if necessary, against Representative Omar.
Listening to the words spoken at the private confer-
ence 20 years ago made me believe in the enormous
possibilities of such intercommunal human rights alli-
ances, and led me to dedicate my professional life to
the Simon Wiesenthal Center, which is a clear leader
in the fight against hate. Over the past few years, the
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Wiesenthal Center worked arduously to repave the
well-traveled road that would increase the Jewish com-
munity’s alliances with the national and local black
communities, for our collective benefit. From holding
educational forums on our communities’ activist joint
history on Dr. Martin Luther King Day with New York
State Assemblyman Walter Mosley to working with the
Bergen County NAACP, Bergen County Urban League,
and Bergen County Sheriff Anthony Cureton to bring
together black and Jewish students and teach mutual
understanding, to my incredible colleague creating the
Space to Talk About Race program in Chicago alongside
the famed Pastor Mitchell Johnson, to more than six
million people over the last 25 years who have learned
about our nation’s civil rights era and leadership
through programs such as the Museum of Tolerance
in Los Angeles’s annual Black History Month events,
the Simon Wiesenthal Center has stood proudly on
the front lines. I find myself so fortunate to be a part
of these efforts.
Let us hope that this new caucus will do the right
thing and inspire another generation of a collective
activism that has the courage, the tenacity, and the
sheer determination to boldly stand up to the bigots,
racists and anti-Semites.
Michael Cohen represents the Second Ward on the
Englewood City Council and he is the eastern regional
director of the Simon Wiesenthal Center.
THE SUMMER SERIES:
July 18: Married to Broadway
July 25: Forever Ray Charles
August 1: Piano Man Billy Joel Tribute
August 8: Carole’s Kings
August 15: Comedian Billy Garan
August 22: Cabaret Star Carole Bufford
August 29: John Denver Tribute
Visit
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Enjoy a pre-show dinner at
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JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 15
Cover Story

Naftuli Moster, left, and Yaffed attorney

Eric Huang prepare to lobby in Albany, N.Y.

Fighting for
student rights
Naftuli Moster of Rockland pressures state
to enforce English literacy education laws

I
JOANNE PALMER
f you’d first met Naftuli Moster
of Rockland County without
knowing anything about him,
he’d seem appealing — a young
(he’s only 33 but if anything
looks younger), thin, attractive
guy, blonde hair and well-trimmed short
beard, dressed in a standard business
casual black-and-white way designed not
to attract much attention. He’s maybe
got a slightly noticeable intonation, not
an accent, not nearly an accent, but
enough to make you wonder if maybe
16 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
his parents might be foreign.
His manner is friendly, polite, correct,
businesslike. Appropriate.
Ask him questions, though, and his
answers stop you.
“Where in your family’s birth order
are you?,” you ask.
“I’m exactly in the middle,” he
answers.
You ask the logical next question.
“Out of how many?”
“I’m the ninth.”
“As in, your parents had 17 kids?”
“That’s right.”
Naftuli Moster’s parents are Belzer
chasidim; he was born in Brooklyn and
educated there and in Israel. Although
he is loath to say so himself — “What
does it really mean to be chasidic?” he
asks when he is asked about his affilia-
tion — he appears no longer part of that
world, and he has devoted his life to
ensuring that the children and teenagers
who remain there are given the secular
education to which both New York and
New Jersey law entitle them, and which
will allow them to live in the outside
world should they decide to do so.
He’s created an organization called
Yaffed, as its full name, Young Advocates
for Fair Education, works toward that
end.
This week, he’s in Israel; he’s one of
the 2019 Charles and Lynn Schusterman
Foundation’s ROI Summit participants.
The program, now in its 13th year, gath-
ers 150 young Jewish activists from
around the world in Jerusalem to inspire
and challenge each other.
Being named a participant is an
honor; for a participant to have come
from the chasidic world is exceedingly
rare. But then, Mr. Moster is used to
being in that position — of accomplish-
ing feats no one expected of him. With

Naftuli Moster leads a demonstration in Albany for better enforcement of education laws to help chasidic students attending yeshivas.
the work he’s doing now, he is trying to
make it easier for other chasidic kids to
do what he did.
Mr. Moster grew up in Borough
Park, Brooklyn, into a world of sharply
defined roles and expectations. His story
is easier to understand when you realize
that the chasidic world is not all of one
piece; the various groups that make it
up might look pretty much the same to
an outsider, but their differences can be
important.
Three of his grandparents were Holo-
caust survivors, and both of his parents
grew up in a Brooklyn that still was
adjusting to the growth of the chasidic
community. It was less insular at first
than it soon became; at first, there were
not enough of them to allow for that
insularity.
Mr. Moster’s mother “grew up a mod-
ern Lubavitcher, in Midwood,” Brook-
lyn, he said. “They had TV their entire
lives.” They all spoke English. Televi-
sion was forbidden to Belzers; “That’s
why we were discouraged from having
a relationship with my mother’s fam-
ily,” he said. “My mother shifted to the
right on her own,” and she married his
father. He came from a Belzer family,
“but this was before the chasidic com-
munity was as established as it is now,”
and there were fewer yeshivas, and less
choice among them. “He had to go to a
Lavish yeshiva,” Mr. Moster said, and he
too spoke English.
Their sons did not.
“My parents would never speak
English to us,” Mr. Moster said. In a
It was just a zoo. The teachers
were unqualified, and they
didn’t have the school’s backing
if they tried to discipline us.
reversal of the classic American Jewish
situation, where parents would speak
Yiddish to each other in front of the chil-
dren so the children could not under-
stand them, and where the punchlines
to jokes told in English would be deliv-
ered in Yiddish because the joy of sto-
ry-telling would propel speakers to their
mamaloschen, their native tongue, his
parents “would just finish sentences to
each other in English.”
His mother didn’t learn Yiddish until
she married his father; “She would say
that she learned Yiddish on the job,”
he said. “She had seven sons in a row.
Those were her first seven children.”
The gender of her children is relevant,
he said, because daughters are allowed
to speak some English.
(Readers should note that Mr. Moster’s
parents’ names are not given here
because, out of deference to them, Mr.
Moster prefers not to supply them, just
as he prefers not to specify where in
Rockland County he lives.)
Mr. Moster and his siblings all went
to schools that he feels strongly offered
an inadequate education. “In elemen-
tary school — cheder — we had Judaic
Cover Story
education all day long, and for a few
years, from maybe about third grade
to seventh grade, four days a week we
had about 90 minutes of secular edu-
cation, basic English and arithmetic,”
he said. “It was just a zoo. The teachers
were unqualified, and they didn’t have
the school’s backing if they tried to disci-
pline us. If students behaved during the
rest of the day the way they did then,
they’d be kicked out.
“In high school, secular studies van-
ished entirely.”
The day started early, he said; before
dawn, each boy would go to the mikvah.
Then “the school day started at 6:30 or
7, and would go to 8 or 8:30.
“You have young high school kids
spending basically every waking hour
in a yeshiva, in an environment where
they see only people like themselves,”
he said. The gender divide was severe,
so “people like themselves” meant only
chasidic boys and men. “Being seen with
your sister was frowned upon,” he said.
“It wasn’t tzniusdik.” It was immodest.
“Even for married couples,” he added.
“It wasn’t uncommon to have a kiddush
after Shabbes, or a shalom zachor,” a
gathering to welcome the birth of a baby
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 17
Cover Story

boy. “If my parents would go together, they would walk

on different sides of the street.” There are signs man-
dating such separations in New Square, in Rockland, he
said; in Brooklyn there were no signs, but there was an
understanding.
“Literally all day long we’d be in this environment, so
we could come home and go to sleep and wake up and
do it again,” he said.
After yeshiva, as was the custom, Mr. Moster went to
Israel; the Belzers had a yeshiva ketana — a high school —
in Brooklyn, but its next level of education, starting the
last year of high school and extending through the gap
year and then through a third year, the yeshiva gedolah,
is only in Israel. “Usually boys tend to go for at least
three years, and they usually get engaged and married
before their second year,” he said. “When a boy needs
to get engaged, the parents see to it. It is all arranged;
the girls’ parents would send someone to look at the
boy, or look at him when he’s home for Pesach.
“By the time the boy and girl meet, it’s pretty much a
done deal.” Those young chasidic couples you might see
in hotel lobbies in Jerusalem, or maybe in the ferry ter-
minal in New Jersey? They’re not Belzer, Mr. Moster said.
Such a marriage was set up for him, and he was mar-
ried; it didn’t work, and the memory makes him visibly
unhappy. He does not talk about it. Chasidic students at the Belz yeshiva in Jerusalem.
He came home from Israel, at 20, with another idea in
mind. “I had this strange idea,” he said. “The idea of pur- didn’t compile transcripts. “So either I could pursue a my education had been really poor, but still I didn’t
suing a degree.” An academic degree. “Even though I’m GED, which would be hard because I was so crippled edu- realize how bad it was. I had no comparison. And
not sure that I even knew what I meant.” cationally. Or I could take a placement exam; that way when I asked questions, for clarification, I got a lot
But he persisted. you bypass having to get a diploma or a GED, but you of heads turned. People turned to look at me.”
He wanted to become a psychologist. “I saw a lot of have to frontload certain courses that serve essentially as Still, he persisted. How? “There was something
mental illness around me, going undiagnosed,” he said. high school courses. You have to take an exam, and write pushing me,” he said. He couldn’t define that force,
He didn’t yet know what it meant, or even what it was an essay, and take a math quiz. but he felt it. “But clearly I didn’t know what I was
called, but “I saw that it went unaddressed. There was “The problem was that I didn’t know how to write an in for,” he said. “Years later, when I finally got my
a lot of stigma toward people with mental illness.” He essay, or even what an essay was. They tried teaching me bachelor’s degree, I thought now I have to get a
wanted to help. on the spot. They graded their own exams.” Ph.D. I didn’t realize that I would have to take the
He found “a branch of Touro College that they call When he took the test, “I remember that one of the GREs — and that they are timed exams. But then,
Machon l’Parnasa,” he said. Its full name is Machon essay prompts was about Yetziat Mitzrayim” — the exo- me speaking English involved me thinking in Yid-
L’Parnasa/Institute for Professional Studies, and it was in dus from Egypt — “but the prompt said Exodus, and I dish and then translating that into English. It was a
Brooklyn. “It is for Orthodox Jews,” he said; it was gen- didn’t know what that meant. The other one was why I delayed process.” So he decided that it made more
der-segregated, and used the Orthodox worldview and was or was not a vegetarian. So I wrote two paragraphs— sense to earn a master’s degree in social work.
vocabulary. But still, he wasn’t ready for it. “They were one about why I was a vegetarian, and the other about That was later, though. How did he manage to
looking for people who at least knew what a high school why I was not.” pay for Touro? “I hoped to get financial aid,” he
diploma was,” he said. He didn’t. And “I spoke only bro- Despite his lack of education — and quite possibly said. He was still living at home, although rela-
ken English.” because of his overwhelming drive and evident curiosity tions had become a bit strained. “My father was
Administrators at Machon L’Parnasa asked him “if I and brain power — “they did squeeze me in. I had to take not thrilled,” Mr. Moster said. “He did not supply
had a diploma, and I didn’t. I was able to get a letter from quite a few remedial courses, and then I got started. That me with his documents,” which are necessary for
the yeshiva, but there was no transcript.” The school was the first time when I really had to face the reality that financial aid forms. “After talking to different peo-
ple and different organizations, though, I learned
about a concept called dependency override. In
unusual circumstances, if parents offer no sup-
port, even if the kid is living under the parents’

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As he moved ahead with his education — after
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no obligation or other the things he was not taught.
“I had delayed taking hard science until the end,
purchase necessary!* until my senior year,” he said. “So I took Bio 101,
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18 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

neglect. Why doesn’t education fall
under that category? I thought that
this was a new, interesting concept to
tell people about.
“I did some research, and I found
that New York State has laws for pri-
vate schools, and I found the prior
guidelines, that are still in effect.
“It was so astonishing. There was a
q & a about what nonpublic schools
must teach, and there were lists, bro-
ken down into detail. And these sub-
jects, that were so clearly required —
and they were not remotely touched
on in my education.
“So I began to reach out to elected
officials.”
It took some time before Mr. Moster
felt comfortable enough to pursue
his vision forcefully. He had to spend
some time in the outside world first.
“And then, several years ago, I mus-
tered up the courage to start doing
this more effectively,” he said. “At that
point, I began reaching out to lawyers,
and asking them to look at it, but I had
no concept, still, that there were dif-
ferent kinds of lawyers. I was reaching
out randomly.”
He was torn.
This work, the effort to ensure
that all children, including chasidic
children, got the education to which
the state believed they were entitled,
“was a distraction that I didn’t want,”
Mr. Moster said. “I was working full
time” — in a warehouse in Newark,
doing heavy physical labor; because
some of his co-workers couldn’t pro-
nounce Naftuli, “I said call me Nick,”
he said. “I was going to school on
evenings and weekends, and when
I had some spare time, I would do
the research, and I would call peo-
ple, from the warehouse, with heavy
boxes on my shoulder.
“I thought that maybe I could just
let this go, just go on with my life, and
then I imagined what it would have
been like if someone three years ago
or 30 years ago or 300 years ago had
thought about doing something and
had not said no, let’s go on with my
life. My life would have been different.”
Since then, his quest has taken over
his professional life.
“This happened around the time
when there was a major incident
in New Square. A guy prayed in the
wrong synagogue, and there was an
arson attack.” (The man who was dav-
ening in the wrong shul and whose
house was set alight in response is
Aron Rottenberg; the incident was
in 2011.) “The family retained a civil
rights lawyer. I reached out to that
attorney.” That was Michael Sussman.
“I don’t think that he believed me
when I described the extent of the
issue. How could he? The law is so
clear. He said, ‘Organize a meeting.
Bring me 20 different yeshiva gradu-
ates from different schools.’ I did; they
were all from different schools, and
the story was basically the same from
all of them.
“And after that event he said, ‘You
should form an organization.’ So I did.
At first I thought it would be a quick
thing, but it ended up consuming me.”
To some extent, the effects are
felt in Rockland even more
acutely. There is a scarcity of
resources on the county and
then the school district level.
Now Yaffed has “two full-time
employees sitting right here” — the
nonprofit agency has space in another,
larger foundation’s offices in midtown
Manhattan — “and another one, a lob-
byist, in Albany. That’s two hires in
less than six months.” Mr. Sussman
is on the board, and Mr. Moster is the
executive director.
There is some pushback to his
work, Mr. Moster said. Some of it, of
course, comes from within the com-
munity; this is the way the schools
always have worked, and they work,
and mind your own business. That is
to be expected. “But I find it frustrat-
ing — maybe it’s my pet peeve — that
the larger Jewish community basically
says that it is not their problem. And I
say, why not? Why isn’t it?”
He is trying to talk to rabbis and
lay leaders to confront the issue, “but
a surprising number of them also
have said, ‘It’s not my problem,’” Mr.
Moster said. “Even worse are those
who believe that we all are entitled to
live our lives as we wish. And you can
and should according to your values,
your culture, and your tradition, but
your freedom to exercise your religion
ends when it affects other people. We
have laws for a reason, to protect chil-
dren, so that your choices now don’t
completely cripple or handicap them
when they become adults.
“It should be a given that every Jew-
ish person should be concerned about
it, and should speak up, should stop
apologizing for them or excusing them.
“We need more Jews and non-Jews,
anyone who has a conscience, who
cares about children’s rights, educa-
tional rights, and fighting poverty.”
Jews also tend to support chasidic
schools because they think those
schools are authentic in a way their
own practices are not. “But you cannot
sanction this behavior,” Mr. Moster said.
The problems with the schools “is as
prevalent in Rockland as it is in the city,”
he continued. “To some extent, the effects
are felt in Rockland even more acutely.
There is a scarcity of resources on the
county and then the school district level.
And you have people who know nothing
about the environment, so you see reck-
less development, and it is felt much more
strongly in Rockland. In the city you have
such extreme wealth that several thousand
more people on the dole don’t make much
difference. In the city, when you talk about
poverty, you don’t think about chasidim.”
But in the chasidic community “there is
a lot of dependence on government assis-
tance,” he said. “And in Rockland, the
issue of secular education is a topic. There
are primaries for the election for DA com-
ing up, and the question of enforcement
in education has come up.” (That primary
was set for June 25.) “Even people who
aren’t running for positions where they
can make changes have made this a topic.
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“People understand that a lack of sec-
ular education doesn’t translate only into
a poorer population but also one with a
lack of understanding of American history
— slavery, women’s rights, civil rights. You
know nothing.
“Chasidic boys also learn less about the
Holocaust than public school kids do,”
Mr. Moster said. “We don’t have lessons
planned about it. On one day a year — the
day when that school’s rebbe was rescued
— they convene us in the lunchroom, and
we are told a little bit of that rebbe’s his-
tory, and then a survivor comes and sings
a song. There is no history lesson about
it. No history about what Nazism was, or
about who Hitler was, or about what hap-
pened during the war, or after it.”
Now, “my work is mainly awareness
raising, advocacy, and grassroots organiz-
ing,” Mr. Moster said. “They all overlap.
We are making an active push to get the
broader Jewish community more involved.
To be involved, he suggests “attending
press conferences. Attending hearings.
Publishing op eds. Sending letters to the
editor. There is so much that people can
do if they think of it as a priority. There are
so many ways to make a difference.”
And, he added, people who live in New
Jersey shouldn’t think of this as just New
York’s issue. “The issue also is exploding
in Lakewood,” he said.
Mr. Moster summed up Yaffed’s posi-
tion. “If there is a school that doesn’t
teach, in my opinion it is not a school. It is
just a building where educational neglect
is happening.”
Call JFCS
(201) 837-9090
www.jfcsnnj.org
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 19
Jewish World
‘The Shrink Next Door’: revelations
about the Jewiest, screwiest podcast
DEBRA NUSSBAUM COHEN
SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — This is one of the strangest stories
you’ll ever read, about one of the strangest stories ever told
in a podcast.
“The Shrink Next Door,” rated No. 1 for three weeks
straight on Apple’s Podcast charts, is about a Manhattan
psychiatrist, Dr. Isaac “Ike” Herschkopf, known for treat-
ing — and name-dropping — an array of celebrity patients
while becoming well known in Jewish and literary philan-
thropic circles.
The podcast, written and hosted by Bloomberg colum-
nist Joe Nocera, is mostly about Martin Markowitz, a long-
time patient of Dr. Herschkopf, who says he spent most
of his life — more than 30 years — under Dr. Herschkopf’s
sway. In seven episodes, Mr. Nocera describes how the psy-
chiatrist isolated Markowitz from his friends and family and
encouraged him not to pursue potential marriage partners.
There’s more: “Shrink” describes how Dr. Herschkopf
became president of Mr. Markowitz’s theatrical fabrics busi-
ness, created a charitable foundation almost entirely with
Mr. Markowitz’s money, and got the foundation and his wife
named in Mr. Markowitz’s will after his patient removed
his sister and her children at the psychiatrist’s suggestion.
In the meantime, Dr. Herschkopf collected more than $3
million in fees from Mr. Markowitz over three decades, Mr.
Markowitz said last week in an interview at his estate here.
It’s the same wooded, bucolic property that figures
prominently in the podcast: Mr. Nocera lives next door, and
while it belongs to Mr. Markowitz, Dr. Herschkopf managed
to commandeer it and present it as his own for 26 years —
relegating Mr. Markowitz to guest quarters at the back of
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20 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
Martin Markowitz, showing off his apiary in the backyard of his Southampton home, said he is back
on track after years under the sway of a psychiatrist he says took over his life and business.
 PHOTO BY DEBRA NUSSBAUM COHEN
the compound.
Dr. Herschkopf has claimed that Mr. Markowitz was
a willing partner in everything, and Mr. Nocera’s wife
speaks for many listeners when she says at one point,
“It takes two to tango.” Mr. Markowitz admits he was
vulnerable and willingly followed his psychiatrist’s
instructions. Nevertheless, the podcast explores the
professional ethics of a psychiatrist insinuating him-
self into the personal, family, and financial life of a
patient to the degree that Dr. Herschkopf did.
Since the podcast debuted last month, Dr. Hersc-
hkopf has faced professional consequences.
H recently disappeared from the New York Uni-
versity Medical School’s website. He resigned volun-
tarily, Dr. Herschkopf said in a telephone interview.
Dr. Herschkopf also resigned from FASPE, the Fel-
lowships at Auschwitz for the Study of Professional
Ethics, on whose board of directors he sat, according
to the board chair, David Goldman.
“We accepted his resignation. Please note that
we did not do any independent investigation of
the reporting contained within the podcast,” Gold-
man said.
In response to a message, Dr. Herschkopf called
back three times.
“I resigned [from NYU and FASPE] to spare them
the adverse publicity Nocera was going to visit upon
them,” Dr. Herschkopf said in one of the calls.
He called later to question Mr. Nocera’s motivation
for the podcast, noting the journalist plays tennis on
Mr. Markowitz’s court.
“One would presume that would compromise his
neutrality,” the psychiatrist said.
Dr. Herschkopf also said that “90 percent of the
podcast is untrue or out of context,” and that Mr.
Nocera “has had a vendetta against me for 10 years,”
dating back to when the reporter began investigating
Mr. Markowitz’s claims.
Mr. Nocera replied that the podcast was “rigorously
reported and fact checked to a fare-thee-well by me
and the people at Wondery and Bloomberg,” which
jointly produced the podcast.
The podcast has created a stir in Manhattan’s tight-
knit philanthropic and Modern Orthodox Jewish cir-
cles. Dr. Herschkopf famously hosted summer parties
in the Hamptons that brought between 70 and 170
people on buses — chartered by Mr. Markowitz — to
the house whose mailbox bore the name of “Dr. Isaac
Stevens,” Dr. Herschkopf’s alias. Dr. Herschkopf had
Mr. Markowitz prepare the compound for each party
and stand at the barbecue roasting kosher fare and
serving guests.
Although patients would often be invited to the
parties and mingle with the other guests, guests say
they had no idea that Mr. Markowitz was Dr. Hersc-
hkopf ’s patient. They believed — from the way Mr.
Markowitz was dressed to the roles he served at the
parties — that he was hired help.
The parties drew celebrities, actors and writers,
and the creme de la creme of Manhattan’s Modern
Orthodox world. Gwyneth Paltrow, who was Dr. Her-
schkopf’s patient for a time, was among the guests,
Mr. Markowitz says.
For years Dr. Herschkopf wrote columns published
in The Jewish Week, most recently in September.
One was about being beaten by his father, an Aus-
chwitz survivor.
The writer Shalom Auslander wrote a thinly veiled
account of his time with his celebrity-obsessed shrink
for The New York Times in 2006. Perhaps he was sim-
ply repaying the favor: Dr. Herschkopf wrote a letter
to Esquire magazine in 2001 identifying himself as
Isaac Steven Hersch, Auslander’s psychiatrist.
Mr. Auslander did not respond to several attempts
to reach him.
Another famous writer, who asked that her name
not be included in this article, said she never went
to the Southampton parties, though she attended a
 JS-1

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Danny is proud to
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Kenny designed his own bar mitzvah invitations.

Pictured is Major League pitching ace Randy Johnson.

My three sons
Memories of bar mitzvahs in triplicate
Rob stands with his father, Jay.

O
deBoraH BresloW haftorah, committed to memory using The kid’s party on Saturday evening She’d been told she could keep jewel-
her father’s Maxell cassette tapes in her was held at Hawthorne Fire Co. #1, a ry, artwork and other keepsakes, but
n a cold Friday eve- father’s treasured tape recorder, she shared event between the bat mitzvah checks and savings bonds were to be
ning in February 1973, sang with a timid sweetness that made girl and her best friend from a syna- saved for college. The following morn-
a skinny girl in a sim- her front row-seated parents and grand- gogue in Glen Rock where bat mitz- ing, out-of-town guests were invited
ple plaid maxi-dress parents kvell. The oneg following, cour- vahs were held on Saturday mornings. to lunch at the house for sloppy joes
stood terrified behind tesy of the Fair Lawn Jewish Center’s Sis- Keeping the price down by splitting and sides catered by the Kosher Nosh.
a podium on perhaps terhood, offered the typical fare of the the cost of the hall rental, the parents After getting lost in the hubbub of the
the largest bimah in the time: honey cake and assorted pastries, pretended not to stare while awkward previous two evenings, it was at home
history of temple sanctuaries. She was challah, tiny cups of grape juice and young teens danced to tunes by Paul that she was forced to make small talk
unadorned: no make-up or lipstick, hair wine, coffee, tea, non-dairy creamer, Simon, the Beatles, Loggins & Messina, with relatives she hardly knew. The
set in curlers courtesy of her mother, and packets of sugar and saccharin. and Led Zeppelin. The musicians were smile pasted on her face remained un-
tiny pearls around her neck borrowed Color film family portraits were taken a local junior high school band that had til the last guest was hugged, kissed,
from her grandmother. Her ears would by the guests with 35mm cameras. Her
made their mark on the seventh grade thanked and driven to the airport or
not be pierced for another year. “Not older brother’s Polaroid served as the
bar/bat mitzvah circuit. The kids en- the Trailways bus station. Thirty-five
until the eighth grade.” Her mother designated apparatus for instant black
stood firm. Prepared to recite her joyed pizza and cans of Coke delivered years later the self-conscious teen that
and white candids.
by Ness Pizza. The cake, of course, was afraid of her shadow had grown
Deborah Breslow is a freelance writer and college essay coach from Wyckoff. Her three sons, was made by Carvel. Late in the eve- up, married, and had children of her
Rob, 23, Kenny, 22, and Danny, 19, are successful young adults. Ms. Breslow’s published ning, the bat mitzvah girl opened her own. Tasked with the event of the cen-
work appears in local, regional, and national publications focusing on home, family, gifts in the privacy of her bright yellow tury, it was her turn to plan the first of
essay writing, and medical advocacy. Visit Breslow’s website at www.djbreslow.com room with bright yellow shag carpet. three bar mitzvahs.

Jay and Deborah Breslow walking toward the candle-lighting table.
“You’ll need a bar mitzvah planner,” my best friend
told me. “You mean like a calendar?,” I asked. “No,”
my friend said, rolling her eyes. “A planner. An actual
person to help you plan the affair.”
“How hard can it be?,” I asked. “Well, besides
managing your son’s expectations, the choices are
endless,” she said. Feeling overwhelmed, I decided
to start by talking to my son. “What kind of bar mitz-
vah do you want?” I asked. “Is one of the options
not to have one at all?” “No,” I replied, silently proud
With three boys so close in
age, people often asked me
how I insured things were
different for each of my
three sons. “That’s easy,”
I tell them. “They’re three
different people!”
that he’d at least tried to wiggle out of it. Not the kind
of kid to seek attention, he would inevitably require
some prodding. “Do you have any idea where you’d
like to have your party?” “Yup. Dave & Buster’s. Pal-
isades Mall.” That was easy. “Do you care what kind
of affair I plan for our adult guests?” “Nope.” That
was even easier. “So whatever we decide, that will be
OK with you?” “I said I didn’t care.” I’d spoken with
friends who were mothers of girls. Their party plan-
ning experiences had been much more complicated.
Perhaps it was because girls were more invested in
the details. The best part of having boys was that
their requests were minimal. Other than shopping
for suits, shirts, ties, and dress shoes, sport jackets
and slacks for Friday night and something casual for
the party, scheduling haircuts, and confirming and
tightening their guest lists, a bar mitzvah boy’s de-
sire was simply to show up.
Once the date was confirmed and we attended the
JS-5
The author, Deborah Breslow, center, at her bat mitzvah in 1973.
Danny with Grandma Gloria, Papa Paul and Grandma Florence.
requisite bar mitzvah planning meeting at Barnert
Memorial Temple in Franklin Lakes that reviewed
month by month what was expected of the student
and his family, reality set in. Never having considered each occasion a personal touch. Rob’s invitations
a party more elaborate than Chuck E. Cheese’s, The
Strike Zone or Brunswick Lanes, it occurred to me
that I had no idea where to begin. “Call my friend in
Franklin Lakes,” my friend suggested, handing me a
business card. “She does flowers and she plans spe-
cial occasions.” Hoping I was capable of taking this on cakes for all three boys. Different themes, different
myself, I considered the daily and weekly schedules
for our family of five. Just looking at the calendar on
any given day was overwhelming. Before I knew it, I
dialed her number. Whatever the cost, it had to be
worth it. I needed to learn the ropes and consider my
options. Unlike my own bat mitzvah and my broth-
er’s bar mitzvah, times had changed. There were way
more choices to make. And in just over a year, I’d be
planning the next one. Enlisting her support was one
of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
With three boys so close in age,
people often asked me how I insured
things were different for each of my
three sons. “That’s easy,” I tell them.
“They’re three different people!” I
think that’s what made each of their
bar mitzvah celebrations so special.
Their individual interests and iden-
tities drove the tempo for each cele-
bration. While we kept many things
the same, each bar mitzvah taught
us what worked and what didn’t. Our
oldest son, Rob, had his luncheon
in the social hall of our temple. Our
party planner introduced us to and
helped us negotiate contracts with ca-
terers, musicians, custom stationers,
photographers, and decorators. Her
floral expertise was without parallel
and we still get compliments years
later on her table arrangements. Just
16 months later, we followed suit for
Kenny’s bar mitzvah, using almost all
of the same vendors. It’s possible with
each event, our guests experienced some deja vu,
but the change of seasons from January to May, and
the differences in Rob and Kenny’s personalities gave
were designed and printed by a lovely shop in Engle-
wood. Kenny’s were printed by the same shop, but
we used his original artwork: a portrait of a major
league baseball player on the cover. My dear friend
from high school, an expert baker, created the sheet
decorations, same scrumptious recipe.
By the third bar mitzvah for our youngest son, Dan-
ny, we were ready to find a new venue. We looked
around and settled on lunch following services at
the Brickhouse Tavern in Wyckoff. Same musicians,
similar guest list, different photographer. Without
the need for a caterer, decorations or flowers, the
restaurant event had a different flavor. While the
candle-lighting recipients were relatively the same
 JS-6

S-6 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

as at Robbie and Kenny’s luncheons, each of the boys’ special qualities. I’ll
what was significant was that my father forever cherish my seat at the end of
had passed away just six months prior. the pew, snuggled shoulder to shoul-
Wearing his grandfather’s tallit, Danny der with each of them until the rabbi
would be tasked with reciting a poem instructed all to rise, and then be seat-
for a grandparent who was no longer ed as he was called to read from the
here and lighting a memorial candle on Torah. At each event, our family was
the candelabra. Extremely shy, Danny surrounded by incalculable warmth.
surprised us all by memorizing every In contrast to the simplicity of my
word of Hebrew that was taught to him. bat mitzvah, my son’s extravaganzas
It depends who you ask as to what may have seemed opulent. Conscious
was most special about each of our of the close proximity of each of the
son’s bar mitzvahs. The grandfathers boy’s celebrations, we wanted their
would tell you it was taking each bar mitzvahs to be tasteful and mean-
grandson to Cedar Lane in Teaneck ingful while keeping to a reasonable
to shop for tallit and the intimate mo- budget. Neither my husband nor I, nor
ment of taking the Torah from the Ark our boys would have been comfort-
and passing it down from generation to able with anything grandiose. What
generation. The grandmothers would we as parents are offered now, that my
say it was being called up to the bi- parents weren’t offered then, is just a
mah to chant their aliyot and walking staggering amount of options.
proudly to stand next to their grand- Flipping through dusty photo al-
sons to light a candle following a ten- bums, I wonder how we got through
der candle-lighting poem. My husband the whirlwind. I’m reminded of the
appreciated taking the boys to Syms to arduous and meticulous planning and
buy their first suits, watching as the tai- preparation for three long-awaited cel-
Celebrating lor measured their growing bodies for ebratory weekends that in retrospect
and bat mit a bar
Party Planning Essentials
alterations. My brother would insist it seemed to fly by. Thinking back on ten
$25 per person
zvah Meal (meat or dairy)
was when my oldest son, who near- years past, I’m reminded of the time
at an emunah home Decoration of the dining $275
ly hyperventilated while completing and love put into writing each son’s
room (including paper
his Torah portion, chanted his final meaningful candle-lighting poems,
goods, flowers and
“amen.” “Attaboy, Rob,” my brother the search for photos for memorable
helium balloons)
cried followed by a roaring applause video montages that took my breath
DJ and motivator $700
from the entire congregation. Our rab- away, the endless shopping trips for
Regular DJ $500
bi, getting to know each of our son’s in- the perfect dress, the lengthy menu
Photographer $500
timately during his bar mitzvah train- discussions and appetizer tastings, the
Magnets Photographer $180
In order to en ing, had the pleasure of watching as consideration of songs and musical art-
able families Desserts and candy bar $400
a connection to foster each older brother joined the younger ists that had to be represented by our
with our child * Prices for 15 guests plus 10 Emunah Children.
have put toge
ther many di
ren, we
Additional guests are $15 per person. on the bimah for an aliyot. Our guests trio of talented musicians, the table
package optio fferent
ns to choose appreciated the chance to celebrate compositions (how did we ever decide
We welcome
families and
from. Activity on Campus
who would guests
like to celebr Hip Hop/Zumba Party No fee if the event
simcha with ate their occurs on the day that
our Emunah Basketball/Soccer/Judo
Home! the activity is scheduled
for the children
For families
interested
in having
Sports and dance activi- $220
their even
t on an Em ties with an instructor
Campus, w unah
e offer acti
know child vities we Baking and Cooking $200
ren enjoy!
culminate The visit w
ill
Art/Mosaic Workshop $850
in dinner an
at the Emu
nah home
d dancing Soccer/Basketball $220
children an with our Tournament
d staff!
Chocolate Workshop $680
Headphone Party $200
Inflatable Jumping $650
Activity
Baking Workshop $200
Sushi Workshop $300

or Activity off Campus

Boating at the Ashdod port $2000
Karaoke RoomD $1200
Jeeping $1800
Biking tour $1400
For more information Israel National Trail $850
contact ronnie@emunah.org

www.thejewishstandard.com An invitation insert describing Rob’s bar mitzvah tzedakah project.

 JS-7
Jewish Standard S-7

who would sit with whom?), the crazy

bus rides (times three!) chaperoning
kids from Franklin Lakes to Nyack’s
Palisades Mall where the deafening
noise of pinball machines and vid-
eo-games pushed 50 middle-schoolers
into overdrive, the endless harping
on the boys to write their thank-you
notes, and so on ad infinitum.
According to Jewish law, we’re told
that once a young boy turns 13 they
become bar mitzvah. They are no
longer boys, but adults responsible
for their actions and they must begin
fulfilling the mitzvot (commandments
of the Torah). This is a rite of passage
from child to adult, with all the duties
and responsibilities that come with it.
While religion tells us so, I’m not cer- Left, Papa Paul and Papa David, make the blessing
tain my three sons felt the impact of over the challah. Above, a proud Papa Paul following
that manhood in 2009, 2010, and 2013 his first grandson’s bar mitzvah.
anymore than I felt I’d entered the no-
vitiate of womanhood in 1973 when
the Temple Men’s Club president life and for the people in it. While each may not be able Russia or Jerusalem to better understand his roots. They’ve
handed me my silver kiddush cup and to recall his respective Torah portion, recite his haftorah, held steadfast to participating in holiday and memorial cus-
gold-plated menorah. sing along with the newest melody from the siddur, or even toms and appreciate the value of community. I’m certain
What I do know is that since coming remember how to read Hebrew without transliteration, the the experience of having a bar mitzvah and becoming a bar
of age, three intelligent, engaging, sen- bar mitzvah ritual yielded a deep respect for Jewish values, mitzvah will resurface on the day he has the pleasure of em-
sitive, inquisitive boys have emerged. traditions, and culture. Each has either traveled to Israel bracing his own child while passing down the Torah to the
Humble and kind, they show up for on Birthright, studied abroad in Tel Aviv, or visited Poland, next generation.

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 JS-8

S-8 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

Any way b’nei

Temple Beth Rishon revolutionizes rite of passage
Heidi Mae Bratt in 2019? What does Judaism ney. It is an innovative way that a bar and bat mitz-

T
here’s a revolution going on
at Temple Beth Rishon.
It’s a b’nei revolution
that is anything but war.
It’s more like peace. Making peace
with yourself. Making peace with
your community, and making
peace with your Yiddishkeit and
your connection to Judaism.
In fact, it is a piece (yes, spelling
deliberate) of innovation that the
new rabbi, Beni Wajnberg (pro-
nounced Vine-berg) who started
last July, is bringing to the Wyckoff
Reform temple as he brings forth
— along with the community and
members — a new vision to help
make Judaism relevant, relatable Reb Beni Wajnberg
and personal for its young mem-
bers who are bar and bat mitzvah and coming into
the fold of Jewish adulthood.
Reb Beni as he is known (the title, he said, “is
old-country and implies a spiritual friendship. I want newal and Reconstructionist movements as well.
to break down walls and build bridges”) called to-
gether a “think tank,” not a “committee” to reimagine dent, progressive and welcoming members,” Reb
the future of Temple Beth Rishon’s young members.
“I want us to think about what is means to be 13 in
Bergen County,” he said. “What does it mean to be 13
mean in 2019?”
Lofty questions, yes. But
answers are on the way.
“Synagogue life in general
is in crisis,” said Reb Beni.
“But I love a crisis. A crisis
allows us to rethink who
were are, what are our pri-
orities as a family, and what
does a b’nei mitzvah mean.”
The hope, he said, is to
make all bar and bat mitz-
vahs “fresh, engaging and
relevant.”
The word is out about Reb
Beni and his warm enthusi-
asm that blends his tradi-
tional stock from European
grandparents who were
survivors of the Shoah, and
his passionate Latin upbringing in Brazil, where his
grandparents put down roots after the war. He is or-
dained as a Reform rabbi, but a member of the Re-
“It is the perfect fit for our community of indepen-
Beni said.
The revolution in bar and bat mitzvahs is called
Kivun, which in Hebrew means direction and jour-
vah can celebrate coming into their adulthood.
“Every Jew is a Jew by choice,” Reb Beni said. “Jews
by birth have choices about what they want to do.
There are options on how they connect spiritually.”
Perhaps the idea to customize the bar or bat mitz-
vah with Kivun, which officially launches in Septem-
ber, came recently when a young woman at her bat
mitzvah faltered at the bimah. She is a competitive
athlete from a very wonderful family and when she
stood during this one fateful Shabbat to recite her
Torah portion, she started to cry.
Reb Beni would not have it.
“Stop,” he said, and the young woman halted.
“Let’s all remember what is important here.” He
then said her name and turned to her and said, “You
are awesome!” He then turned to the congregants
and instructed them on the count of three to say to-
gether to the bat mitzvah girl, “You are awesome.”
“No kid should ever cry on the bimah,” Reb Beni
said. “No kid should ever feel like their b-mitzvah is
not relevant or personal for them.”
So what is Kivun, which in Hebrew means direc-
tion or journey.
It is a new program for bnei mitzvahs to choose
how they want to celebrate that day of becoming 13
years old.
They can choose to do the Traditional track or
reading the Torah and haftarah and leading in
prayers, or they can choose the Flexible track, which
has a little less liturgy and Torah reader. There is also
the Havdalah track, where they mark their bar or bat

Join the B-Mitzvah mitzah with music and light and song and joy at the
close of Shabbat. The Israel track, allows the bar or
bat mitzvah to go to Israel, accompanied by the cler-

Revolution! gy of Temple Beth Rishon where they can celebrate

with a familiar rabbi and cantor.
There is the Shal-Om track, which uses yoga and
mindful mediation. The bar or bat mitzvah incorpo-
Kivun (journey) options rate movement into the prayer service and use the
practice of yoga as a way to connect to their Judaism.
that may change the way (“I would have done this if this would have existed
you think about your child’s for me,” said Reb Beni.)
There also is the Nature tract where the bar or bat
Bar & Bat Mitzvah Journey mitzvah can go into nature, backpack, Torah and all,
and celebrate their Judaism in this way.

♦ Traditional Kivun ♦ Kivun Nature And finally, there is the DYI Kivun, where the bar
or bat mitzvah is asked, “do you have a passion,” and
♦ My Own Kivun ♦ Kivun Yoga a customized rite of passage where they could best
relate is created.
♦ Kivun Israel ♦ Kivun Havdalah With each of the tracks, explained Reb Beni, the
bar or bat mitzvah will be required to do at least one
portion of the Torah reading and lead in some of the
Please contact us to learn more about the cutting-edge
prayer service.
Jewish youth & B’nai Mitzvah program at TBR. “There are core requirements,” but the rest is up
For additional information, please contact the office at to the young man or woman to create.
201-891-4466 or email Reb Beni at rabbi@bethrishon.org. “We are very excited about this,” said Reb Beni.
“The goal is to foster a meaningful connection to Ju-
Temple Beth Rishon, 585 Russell Avenue, Wyckoff daism for every person.”
 JS-9
Jewish Standard S-9

A note of thanks: Bat mitzvah girl expresses gratitude to all

eMuna BraverMan the out-of-town relatives and a list of where they There were 115 guests (I know because I set the
came from). Some people (not nearly enough) tables!) so you can imagine the time and effort in-

S
omething wonderful happened thank the Almighty. Sometimes it’s volved. It was very impressive.
to me. It wasn’t something big. heartfelt. Sometimes it’s pro forma. Much as we try to avoid it, most bar mitzvah boys
It wasn’t something dra- Sometimes it’s somewhere in the and bat mitzvah girls get a little (or a lot) caught up
matic. It wasn’t something middle. And sometimes it’s hard to in themselves. With all that focus and attention, it’s
expected. But it was something tell if they really mean it. hard not to. This is a great way to avoid the trap of
lovely and wonderful — a small But this young girl did some- self-centeredness. It’s the perfect way to teach our
gesture that made a big difference. thing special and unique that children about showing appreciation. It’s a power-
I went to a bat mitzvah, a cel- clearly emanated straight from ful means of giving our children an understanding
ebration for my friend’s daugh- her heart. She wrote a thank of the meaning of community, that it really does
ter. It was a beautiful and mov- you note to each of guests – be- take a village.
ing occasion, as a bat mitzvah fore she received her gifts! Be- The party was a lot of fun. The speeches were si-
should be. And perhaps it was cause the note wasn’t about the multaneously funny and moving (we expected no
even more emotional because presents, it was an expression less since the father is a writer). But what impact-
the couple had struggled a bat of what this particular attendee ed me the most were those notes. When the rest
mitzvah’s worth of years (as the father put it) to give means to her. And it wasn’t brief, a mere line or two. of the evening fades, I’ll remember those kind and
birth to this child. There was extra joy in the air. It wasn’t generic. It was a few paragraphs describ- thoughtful missives. I was touched by what the guest
But there was something else also. Something ing the role our family had played in her life, reliv- of honor wrote to me and really taken with the idea.
much more basic and much more important. There ing some shared experiences and memories and ex- I think it’s something we should all incorporate
was gratitude. pressing gratitude for the very specific ways in which into our children’s bar/bat mitzvah celebrations. I
Now we’ve all heard many bar and bat mitzvah we had enhanced her life. wish I’d thought of it before my girls had their bat
speeches. Everyone thanks their parents (right after It was unbelievable. mitzvah celebrations. It would have enhanced and
deepened everyone’s experience of the day, and no
Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a master’s degree in clinical psychology with an one more so than the bat mitzvah girl herself.
emphasis on marriage and family therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives in Los Angeles with her family. Aish.com

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 JS-10

S-10 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

R
EAD
Y.S
ET. Teaching
GO-
KAR
T. responsibility
Prayers, parenting, and
preparing for adulthood
Amy Grossblatt Pessah up, “It’s not all bad, I know the trees
are being killed, but think about the

I
n the soon-to-be-published, “Par- new houses that will be built for those
enting on a Prayer” by Amy Gross- who need a house and think about all
blatt Pessah (Ben Yehuda Press), the of the trees and plants that they will
author shares her stories of parenting replant around the new houses. They
as she lyrically uses the Hebrew prayers have already destroyed the trees,
to expound upon essential values in rais- there is nothing to do about it now.”
E
LEC
TRI
CKA
RTI
NG
|SP
ORT
SBAR ing children. Fittingly, there are 18 (chai)
chapters, each corresponding to a differ-
“You can’t ignore the negative,” said
my son.
V
R|ARC
ADE
|BO
WLI
NG
|+MOR
E! ent prayer and associated with a different “You can focus on the positive,” re-
value. Here is an excerpt from the chapter torted my daughter.
on responsibility, something incumbent I sat in the front seat and sighed,
upon parents to teach a youngster when marveling over this incredible ex-
he or she becomes a bar and bat mitzvah. change. How did my kids get to be
so big with their own ideas, values,
Ahlaynu l-shahbay’ahch and abilities to express themselves so
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l. lah-tayt g’dulah l-yotsayr b’raysheet, sides, I agreed with both of them. Yes,
we must be mindful and respectful to-
[It is upon us to] praise You Source of ward the environment and yes, we can
All Your generous work as Creator of choose to focus on the positive when
All You made us one with all of Life] we are presented with a challenging,
upsetting situation.
Our area in South Florida is not known Ahlaynu — it is incumbent upon us
for its extensive tree preserves. While
to do both. Three important lessons I
there certainly are some, unfortunately
learned from this interaction:
my family sees many more homes than
• We must show up in responsibility
fields of trees and nature preserves. On
for taking care of Mother Earth.
one of our regular drives, my kids and I
• We can choose how we view chal-
had observed that over the past several
lenging situations.
months the tree population in a specific
• We can recognize the complexity
area had been dwindling. A few weeks
of competing truths and conflicting
later we drove by only to find smoke
values.
billowing above what used to be a large
As a parent, I believe that it is part
plot of land covered with trees. Outrage
of my job to teach my children these
ensued from my son, “That is terrible,
three important lessons; and ironical-
what are they doing there?”

GLOW
ly enough, it is these precise lessons
Silence.
which my children taught me.
“Mom, what are they doing, why are
they burning all of those trees?” As I
Ahlaynu l-shahbay’ahch

PARTY
looked off to the side of the road, I saw
lah-ahdon hah-kol,
multiple piles of tree trunks bundled
lah-tayt g’dulah l-yotsayr b’raysheet,
$10,500 together all over the field.

VENUE
“There are clearing the field so they [It is upon us to] praise You Source of
Bar and Bat Mitzvah can build homes,” I replied as calmly All Your generous work as Creator of
package as I could, feeling the depths of my All You made us one with all of Life
Awesome Event own pain and despair.
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 JS-11
S-13 Jewish Standard S-11

Jewish Standard S-13

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Creators.com
Amy Grossblatt Pessah
to see another’s point of view
Choose
God’s Yourofdecor
creation the world. Just as I Sharon Naylor
is, I isbelieve,
the author
oneof “The Bride’s
of the most
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includeindriftwood, anchors,God,
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ensued my car, I imagine as the Fast forward six months and we,
Ultimate Parent, delighting in Her chil- ironically, were passing by this same
dren’s conversations. Discussing, argu- field when a different permutation of
ing, listening, and working to solve how my three children got into a conver-
we are going to make this world a better sation about animal experimentation.
place for all of God’s creations is a form My older son was praising the virtues
of praise to the Sovereign of all things. of experimenting on animals and how
Life is messy, complicated, and nu- through this experimentation many
anced. There are many factors we deal lives have been saved. My daughter
with on a regular basis and often-con- was up in arms, seeing no benefits
flicting values emerge. In one con- because of the death of innocent crea-
versation three very big issues were tures. And so it went, back and forth,
raised, and it is difficult to address all arguing, protesting; each defending
of them — especially right in the mo- his or her own stance.
ment. It took me a while to sit back, re- One day, too soon, they will fly
flect, and process what had happened the coop and I want them to be well
in a short five-minute conversation. equipped to have the necessary skills
Our lives move at such a fast pace and to be responsible, open-hearted adults
it is hard to recognize, comprehend, who not only speak their Truth — but
and ultimately make sense of what we also hear the Truth of another.

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S-12 Jewish Standard
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JS-12
Mitzvah money
Smart ways to stash the cash and grow it
Heidi Mae Bratt
W
hether it’s a multiple of 18 for chai (life in
Hebrew) or not, cash is always a welcome
gift for the bar or bat mitzvah.
Parents need to teach their children
smart financial habits, and the bar and bat mitzvah
is a good time to think about how to create smart
strategies to save and grow the gifts of cash.
Money experts say that even before they become
a bar or bat mitzvah it is good to introduce a child
to savings vehicles that could earn interest, such as
savings bonds and certificates of deposit. Search
for a compound interest calculator online and
show your child how just one dollar can grow with
interest over time.
Several financial institutions in our area offer
plenty of youth services to teach youngsters money
management skills and to help invest the bar or bat
mitzvah cash.
Greater Alliance Federal Credit Union, a full ser-
vice financial institution, offers youth savings and
checking accounts to help youngsters, and bar and
bat mitzvah young men and women, start saving
their gift money with no fees or minimum balance
requirement.
Money experts say that it is very important to get
youngsters involved in money matters so they can
become stewards of managing their money later. If
they learn how to handle money at a younger age,
they will be prepared to handle bigger financial de-
cisions through the different stages of their life.
In addition to offering various financial products,
the credit union hosts lunch-and-learn opportuni-
ties at various organizations and online webinars
where anyone can attend to become familiar with
topics such as, what is a credit score, how to bud-
get, what to expect when applying for a student
loan, and other areas that can help young adults
make better financial decisions through different
stages of life.
They also offer an app called Money Management
where its members can set their savings goal, see
how much they are spending, and also keep track
of their budget.
Sheryline Ingersoll, director of marketing at
Greater Alliance, said the credit union also offers
private student loans for undergraduate and gradu-
ate school; students can also refinance their existing
high-rate loans from other financial institutions.
While owning a first car may be a few years away
from the bar or bat mitzvah boy or girl, Greater Al-
liance Federal Credit Union also offers a First Time
Auto Buyer Program to help young adults purchase
a new a car if they don’t have established credit.
At Visions Federal Credit Union, with Bergen
County branches in Mahwah, Westwood, Dumont,
Englewood, Oakland and Saddle Brook, the young
customer is valued from the very beginning of his or
her life, said Ada Myteberi, a spokeswoman for the
SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH
New Jersey region.
“The earlier good financial habits are built, the
better,” said Ms. Myteberi. “We don’t teach enough
budgeting and money management to our kids.”
The credit union offers a program for 12 and un-
der called The Kirby Kangaroo Club, a free savings
program designed especially for kids. Kirby Kanga-
roo uses stories, games, and entertainment to help
kids learn about saving and finances.
The club provides special incentives and benefits
for children who are age 12 and younger. It includes
The Kirby Kangaroo website packed with fun stuff
for kids to learn with: stories, games, coloring pag-
es, and jokes; quarterly Kirby Kangaroo newsletter;
Several financial institutions
in our area offer plenty
of youth services to
teach youngsters money
management skills.
and special Kirby Kangaroo youth activities all year
long. Every $5 deposit earns a gift.
Starting at age 13 at Visions, members are able to
open a checking account and receive a debit card. A
Flex Checking account is perfect for teens, too, with
no monthly service charges or minimum balance re-
quirements. They also offer youth lending and credit
card accounts, too. These help teens learn responsi-
ble borrowing habits alongside guidance from par-
ents and our own financial professionals.
Students age 14 to 18 attending high school can
borrow between $100 and $1,000 for up to a year. A
co-signer is required on amounts over $500.
Students age 14 to 17 can learn to manage a small
credit limit up to $500. A co-borrower is required.
Students 14 to 15 must complete a financial literacy
program with their parent before approval.
Experts say that the best way to teach young-
sters about how to manage money is to give them
some, and now that they have it, they can save or
use it. They should figure out what they want and
see how they can pay for it themselves. It gives
them the chance to learn about the consequences
of overspending.
Teaching children delayed gratification will help
combat the “buy now, pay later” mentality that could
mire them in credit card debt later on. Curbing im-
pulse buying goes hand in hand with teaching de-
layed gratification. Before going shopping, create a
budget. Outline what you’re going to buy, what stores
you’re going to, and the price range for each item.
These also are important lessons of becoming a
Jewish young man or young woman: learning re-
sponsible money management to last a lifetime.
 JS-13
Jewish Standard S-13

Making a celebration a meaningful celebration

Emuna Braverman the celebration is about the material is the idea of responsibility. And that ning would be a tragedy. I know what

L
things, but because everyone wants a responsibility is the real joy. Having won’t teach the proper perspective.
ife has many firsts. It’s part of piece of the joy. obligations and using those obliga- But what will?
what makes life exciting. It’s part Everyone was genuinely happy and tions to connect to the Almighty is the One way I hope this lesson is ab-
of what keeps us on our toes. And excited for their brother (when they’re ultimate happiness. sorbed is through my son’s friends.
it’s part of what throws us into not fighting over the computer with We want our friends and family to When I’ve seen the joy of the boys
panic and confusion. Am I going to get him!) and they want as many outlets think this is the best party ever — not dancing with and for each other at pre-
it right? I’ve never done this before. And as possible to express it. the best decorations, the most courte- vious bar mitzvahs, I’ve been moved
even deeper, what exactly is right? Trying to tread the middle road is a ous waiters, the most gourmet food, to tears. Their unselfconscious ex-
We were approaching another first challenge in every aspect of life. Here the most exotic setting — the best par- pressions of pure happiness lifted ev-
in our family — our oldest son’s bar too. We want it attractive but not os- ty ever because it will teach us what eryone to an appreciation of what the
mitzvah. And the questions were flying tentatious, joyful but not wild, the life is really about. What we’re really world could be, an excitement about
fast and furious. We know we didn’t food delicious but not extravagant, meant to celebrate. Where true joy is the potential waiting to be unleashed.
want a “circus” theme or a “baseball” the clothing dignified but not dramatic attainable. And if we can learn that les- Coupled with this are the words of
theme. We were not hiring a rock band (and not outrageously expensive). And son we want everyone we care about his teachers. Continually exhorting
or a trapeze artist or a belly dancer! we want it meaningful. to learn it with us. the boys to appreciate the significance
But that still leaves plenty of leeway. We want everyone to understand We want our family to think it was of the day and demonstrating to them
How do you enjoy the party and — especially our son and his siblings the best party ever because it taught the pleasure and beauty of a life of wis-
maintain the focus? — what a bar mitzvah means. It’s not us what life is really about. These are dom and positive actions, these teach-
How do you enjoy the party and about the party. It’s not about the gifts. all wonderful ideas. But exactly how is ers have primed their students for the
maintain the focus? One of my girls It’s not about the band, the dessert, or this lesson going to be taught? new vistas to come. But only by acting
wanted all the clothing to be color-co- the kiddush. It’s not about the beautiful I know it’s not by counting checks. on what they’ve learned, by exhibiting
ordinated. I said no. One of my chil- cake our friend Betsy is going to make. I know that a sense of relief, a sugges- the character commensurate with the
dren wanted the celebration to be at And it’s not about the bills. (It’s not tion that the “ordeal” is over would wisdom, will the boys begin to forge
a hotel. I said no. Another wanted all about the bills, it’s not about the bills...) be a serious mistake. And the thought their own transcendent relationship.
her friends to come. I said no. And It’s about becoming an adult and that this is an end rather than a begin- Aish.com
everyone wants to help decide the forging a personal relationship with
menu. I said no to that also. But there God. It’s about recognizing that in-
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 JS-14

S-14 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

From left, Brian and Benjamin Barth at

Park Avenue Synagogue in Manhattan.

Twice as nice
Twins donate $122,000
to Israeli organizations
Heidi Mae Bratt

B
enjamin and Brian Barth, 13-year-old
sports-loving twins from New York City, have
turned their b’nai mitzvah into the mitzvah of
tzedakah through their contribution to Israeli
organizations.
To celebrate their October 6, 2018 b’nai mitzvah
at the Park Avenue Synagogue, they worked with
UJA-Federation of New York’s “Give a Mitzvah – Do
a Mitzvah” program, and raised more than $122,000
to donate to two Israeli nonprofits that work to em-
power people through sports.
The contributions were made in lieu of gifts.
“We are overjoyed and proud of them,” said their
mother, Natalie Barth, who serves as president of The Barth family: From left, father Brett, twins Brian and Benjamin, and mother Natalie.
the Park Avenue Synagogue. “They have embraced
the mitzvah of tzedakah that we hoped to pass on Through “Give a Mitzvah – Do a Mitzvah,” the Israel Tennis Centers’ programs, which teach chil-
to them in their taking care of others through their twins were able to design projects reflecting their dren peaceful coexistence through tennis and pro-
actions.” passions to make it meaningful for them as well. grams that offer academic support, enrichment,
Ms. Barth, who grew up in Texas, said that her Graduates of the Abraham Joshua Heschel School and mentoring.
family was very involved in the Jewish Federation in Manhattan, Brian will enter ninth grade at Horace Brian, who loves sailing and cycling, chose to do-
there, and she and her husband, Brett, a native of Mann School in Riverdale; Benjamin will be a fresh- nate to Etgarim, which uses the two activities, among
Virginia, have continued that tradition of involve- man at the Abraham Joshua Heschel High School. others, to rehabilitate individuals with cognitive,
ment with the Jewish Federation in New York. Benjamin, a tennis enthusiast, raised $61,199 for sensory, and physical disabilities. He raised $61,199

Bar mitzvah at any age
On a visit to the Daughters of Miriam Center, a senior center in
Clifton, siblings Mendel and Rivka Shain celebrated the bar mitzvah
of Boris, a resident of the center. Boris had never had a bar mitzvah,
and so Mendel and Rivka helped him put on tefillin, and allowed him
this special opportunity.
to encourage children in Tel Aviv, Na-
halal, and Holon to pursue athletic ex-
cellence and participate in what other-
wise would be inaccessible sports.
Sports have played a key role in the
lives of Benjamin and Brian. When
they are not watching their favorite
sports teams, they play tennis, sail,
bike, and golf. In the winter, they love
to ski. The twins also have visited Is-
rael several times, which has helped
build a stronger connection to their
Jewish heritage and identity.
“I just love playing tennis, and to
find out that there was a place that
plays tennis and supports coexistence
excited me a lot,” said Benjamin. “I am
glad I was able to fund it.”
Said Brian: “I continue to enjoy the
State of Israel and it was perfect for my
bar mitzvah project to be in and asso-
ciated with it. As cycling and sailing
are two of my personal passions and
interests, being able to contribute to
JS-15
Jewish Standard S-15
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fun with these endeavors is truly an
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“UJA’s ‘Give a Mitzvah – Do a Mitz-
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said Lori Strouch Kolinsky, director of
UJA’s Manhattan Division.
“We are so inspired by the twins and
their incredible generosity, and hope
this is just the beginning of their phil-
anthropic journeys,” she said.
Natalie Barth said she wanted to
publicize the “Give a Mitzvah – Do
a Mitzvah” program because it not
only is easy for a bar or bat mitzvah visionsfcu.org/choose
to do with the help of the UJA staff
that walks the youngster through each New Jersey | New York | Pennsylvania
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meaningful and the boys felt so good
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 JS-16

S-16 Jewish Standard SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH

The Empty Vase

a floral company
We Can Make Any Party Beautiful
Going green
Making the party
very earth-friendly
CLOSTER
Heidi Mae Bratt
219 Closter Dock Rd.
201-750-7181 Protecting the earth has always been a Jewish value.
Going green or eco-friendly has become mainstream at
schools, institutions and in many other aspects of our
lives. A green bar or bat mitzvah can include these val-
ues of protecting the earth and at the same time cele-
brate the milestone of becoming a young Jewish man
The Best Selection of or woman.
Talliot and
Kippot anywhere. Here are some ideas on how to make a bar or bat
Exquisite Styles mitzvah green.
for Women, Men,
Bar and Bat Mitzvah Invitations
Mention this ad for For many, the Evite email invitation has replaced paper
10% OFF completely. There are many websites offering Jew-
ish-themed animated cards and online RSVP tracking. If
Beautifully Beaded, Crystal, you still want paper, instead of buying glossy-coated bar to another simcha. Potted plants are another option.
Crocheted, Suede, Lace They’re a good take-away gift for your guests and they
or bat mitzvah invitations that cannot easily be recy-
Kippot, Tallit Clips
cled, choose invitations made from recycled cotton or add much needed oxygen to the environment.
post-consumer waste.
Lisa Prawer
Convenient Bergen County Location · 201-321-4995
Food glorious food
www.thetallislady.com · info@thetallislady.com
Décor and party favors Whether you are cooking or having your bar or bat

S-12Skip one-time-use disposable items such as balloons, mitzvah catered, food can be a way to be earth-friendly.
streamers, and plastic tablecloths for the party. Instead When possible, include seasonal, organic ingredients
go for items that can be reused or that are made from on the menu. Many catering companies offer kosher
Cantor sustainable materials. For candles, pick those that are organic meat and poultry and organic fruits and veg-

Barbra made from soy or palm oil instead of non-renewable

petroleum. For party favors choose to give usable
etables. Choosing organic food grown in a sustainable
manner not only reduces the impact on the earth, it
0002441714-01.qxd Lieberstein
10/15/08 5:09 PM favors1such as organic fair trade chocolates or tree seed-
Page
lings instead of plastic toy trinkets.
also tastes better. After the meal is enjoyed, donate left-
overs to an organization that helps provide food for the
Certified Cantor with hungry.
12+ years
BAR & BAT of pulpitMAGAZINE
MITZVAH Flower ADpower
0002441714-01 or the tables are to be festooned with
If the bimah Gifts
Lessons in experience
your home floral arrangements, make the flowers locally grown Gift items made from recyclable materials are available
Learn to read Hebrew LIEBERSTEIN, BARBRA
organic instead of foreign flora that are grown over- in many objects of Judaica. Giving a gift certificate to
Fri, Oct 24, 2008
seas and sprayed with chemical pesticides. After the an event is a way to give the celebrant an experience
Group 1
and cols, 2.13 x 2.50"
event, donate the flowers to a hospital or pass along instead of a thing. Another good green gift idea? Cash.
Learn to private lessons
Process Free
read Hebrew in your home
Lisa Spadevecchia

Officiant atCantor BarbraCeremonies,

Bar/Bat Mitzvah
201-818-4088
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JS-17

S-18 Jewish Standard
Books to help prepare
for your child’s big event
Heidi Mae Bratt
A good book can be a great guide when preparing your
child for bar or bat mitzvah. Here are a few titles that
might be helpful.
Putting God on the Guest List, third edition
By Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin
Introduction by Rabbi William H. Lebeau
Forward by Rabbi Sandy Eisenberg Sasso
Rabbi Salkin asks and answers questions that make
parents and children more comfortable with the
event and able to experience it more joyfully. How
did bar and bat mitzvah originate? What is the last-
ing significance of the event? What are the ethics
of celebration? What specific things can you do to
reclaim the spiritual meaning of the event? How to
further develop spirituality? What spiritual values
can parents and young people build together?
The Market Basket for catering mitzvahs
A bar or bat mitzvah is an extremely special occa-
sion for your son or daughter that should be filled
with laughter, tradition, friends and family, and great
food. Voted the Jewish Standard’s “Best Gourmet
Market” of 2018, The Market Basket can help create a
remarkable bar/bat mitzvah party that matches your
child’s personality and honors his or her milestone
into adulthood. A team of friendly, professional chefs
and event planners are available to create a menu
that will display personal taste and commitment to
Jewish tradition. Have fun selecting from food sta-
tions that are loved by both adults and teenagers, as
well as hors d’oeuvres, and plated and buffet options
that suit any budget. Whether you plan to entertain a
small gathering or several hundred, expect nothing
JS-18
The JGirl’s Guide: The Young Jewish
Woman’s Essential Survival Guide for
Growing Up Jewish second edition
By Dr. Ellen Golub Author, Penina Adelman,
Author, Ali Feldman, and Dr. Shulamit Reinharz
The JGirl’s Guide gives practical, real-world
advice using Judaism as a compass for the jour-
ney through adolescence. This newly updated
and expanded survival guide for coming of age
explores the wisdom and experiences of rabbis,
athletes, writers, scholars, musicians, and great
Jewish thinkers. This interactive book can help
Jewish girls figure it all out. It explores what
happens at school and with friends. It shows
them how to get along better with their fami-
lies. It offers them a chance to hear the voices of
other girls going through experiences just like
theirs. Now is the time when girls are thinking:
Who am I? What do I believe in? Who will I be-
come? The JGirl’s Guide provides Jewish writ-
ings, traditions, and advice that can help.
less than a staff with a high attention to detail that
will ensure your event runs smoothly. If needed, they
SUMMER 2019 BAR/BAT MITZVAH
Bar/Bat Mitzvah Basics,
second edition
A Practical Family Guide
to Coming of Age Together
Edited by Cantor Helen Leneman
Foreword by Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin
Introduction by Rabbi Julie Gordon
A practical guide that gives parents and teens
the “how-to” information they need to navigate
the bar and bat mitzvah process and grow as
a family through this experience. In this book,
everyone directly involved offers practical
insights into how the process can be made easier
and more enjoyable for all. Rabbis, cantors and
Jewish educators from the Reform, Conservative
and Reconstructionist movements, parents, and
even teens speak from their own experience.
The book covers questions like, What’s it all
about? Preparation for the event. Tutoring, stress,
expectations, and planning for children with
special needs and more.
can also coordinate floral arrangements, invitations,
rentals, entertainment and staffing.
As Bergen County’s family-owned and premier
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 JS-19

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Passover seder with Dr. Herschkopf
and his family once at their Manhat-
tan apartment.
“Does this come as a great shock
to me? No,” she said. “There is some-
thing about him, his obsession with
famous people, and he always seemed
to be sidling up to famous literary peo-
ple. I personally would never recom-
mend him to anyone.”
Major Modern Orthodox rab-
bis and communal leaders were
also invited to the summer parties:
Rabbi Haskel Lookstein of the Ramaz
School and Congregation Kehilath
Jeshurun; Rabbi Arthur Schneier of
Park East Synagogue; his son Rabbi
Marc Schneier of The Hampton Syn-
agogue; and Rabbi Joseph Telushkin,
the author of many books on Jewish
literacy and Jewish ethics.
In “Code of Jewish Ethics Volume
2: Love Your Neighbor As Yourself,”
Dr. Herschkopf is the first person
among dozens Telushkin thanks in
his acknowledgments. Telushkin also
cites the psychiatrist several times
throughout its pages. Telushkin did
not respond to email and voice-
mail messages.
Psychiatrist Samuel Klagsbrun and
his wife, writer Francine Klagsbrun,
were invited to the parties.
“We may have gone. I don’t know
him particularly well,” said Samuel
Klagsbrun, who founded Four Winds
Hospitals, which offer mental health
services in upstate New York.
After being told about the alle-
gations against Dr. Herschkopf, Dr.
Klagsbrun said, “This is one of the
worst cases I’ve ever heard of. To
use psychiatry to manipulate people
like that is all kinds of criminality. He
Martin Markowitz and his sister, Phyllis Shapiro, reconciled after 27
years — a break, they both say, that was engineered by psychiatrist Isaac
Herschkopf.
Jewish World
should have his medical license taken
away. He used whatever talent he has
to manipulate people. The damage he
did to Marty … and it besmirches all
of psychiatry.”
“Pouring salt into
my open wounds”
I visited Mr. Markowitz in the Hamp-
tons on a breezy June Saturday and he
showed me around the sumptuous,
sun-dappled property. There is a large
pool complete with slide, full-size bas-
ketball court, the tennis court, hot
tub, and modern sculptures. That’s in
addition to multiple koi-stocked ponds
and a professionally designed 18-hole
Sandi M. Malkin, LL C
miniature golf course — one of only
five installed at private homes in the
Interior Designer
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hkopf ’s direction and paid for by Mr.
Markowitz, he said.
Mr. Markowitz looks a decade For a totally new look using
younger than his 77 years, and is your furniture or starting anew.
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Jewish World

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FROM PAGE 21
a prenuptial agreement. It was a stress-
ful and painful time.
He turned to his rabbi, Shlomo Riskin,
at the time Lincoln Square Synagogue’s
leader, who had brought Mr. Markowitz
closer to Judaism. Rabbi Riskin referred
Mr. Markowitz to Dr. Herschkopf, then
a young psychiatrist in his late 20s.
Through his assistant, Rabbi Riskin
— who has lived in Israel since 1983 —
said he “cannot offer any recollections,
reflections, or insights on the matter.”
Mr. Markowitz began seeing Dr. Hersc-
hkopf three times a week.
“Very quietly, over about an 18-month
period, Ike started pouring salt into all
of my open wounds,” Mr. Markowitz
said. “He got my sister and her children
and all of my blood relatives and close
friends out of my life.
“A constant mantra from Ike was he’d
say ‘you can’t handle the truth. You’re
passive aggressive, you can’t handle con-
frontation, you’re going to screw up the
business and lose customers,’” Mr. Mar- Dr. Isaac Herschkopf, shown at left in a photo with Henry Kissinger, tasked his patient Martin Markowitz with curating
kowitz recalled. the pictures he appeared in with celebrities.
As he eroded what remained of Mr.
Markowitz’s fragile confidence, Dr. Her- 11-year-old daughter. put my feelings down. If my sister con- which a psychiatrist has been accused of
schkopf gradually began insinuating After guiding Mr. Markowitz to cut tacted me, if she left a message or sent manipulating a patient and creating fam-
himself into management decisions at off all those relationships, “Ike said, me a birthday or New Year’s card, he ily rifts and estrangements. The heiress
Associated Fabrics. ‘you don’t have a family? Don’t worry. instructed [me] to ‘bring all those things Gloria Vanderbilt, who died recently,
Phyllis Shapiro, Mr. Markowitz’s My family will be your family, my kids into me.’ We would listen to it together experienced something similar with her
younger sister by three years, then like your nieces and nephews and we’re and he would interpret it.” psychiatrist, Dr. Christ Zois. Vanderbilt
worked at the fabric company. In early going to make a social life for you,’” Mr. eventually sued Zois and won a $1.5 mil-
1983, Dr. Herschkopf “instructed me to Markowitz recounted. ‘I was choking to death’ lion judgment against him and an attor-
serially lower Phyllis’s pay by $5,000, In February 1984, Dr. Herschkopf At the time, Mr. Markowitz owned only ney who she accused of “preying on her
which I did several times.” Mr. Markow- “instructed me to create the Yaron Foun- the Southampton property that is now wealth and emotional fragility.” It took
itz said. dation,” Mr. Markowitz wrote on his the guest house. In September 1986, many more years for her to reconcile
The psychiatrist told Mr. Markow- timeline. “Dr. Ike, Rebecca (his wife) and Mr. Markowitz said, Dr. Herschkopf with her estranged son Stan Stokowski.
itz to have a second bar mitzvah in I are the officers and directors. Simulta- instructed him to buy the adjoining Mr. Markowitz began feeling stirrings
May 1983, and not to invite his sister or neously he convinces me to execute a property. The properties were con- of discontent with his psychiatrist when
her children. will leaving my entire estate to the Yaron nected, and the first of what would the doctor insisted that he keep the busi-
Afterward, Shapiro flew to Switzer- Foundation. Dr. Ike is the sole executor become the legendary summer parties ness in Manhattan, in space he could no
land, according to the podcast, and of the will.” was held in June 1987 at the property longer afford.
removed money inherited from their That year Mr. Markowitz and his sis- Dr. Herschkopf began presenting as “I was choking to death,” he said. “We
parents from a bank account held ter were at terrible odds. They agreed his own. were four or five months away from
jointly with her brother, removed gold to let Rabbi Riskin settle their con- Framed photos of Dr. Herschkopf bankruptcy,” both because of the rent
coins from a jointly owned safe deposit flict and, after a beit din, or rabbinical with celebrities covered every inte- and the fees he was paying his psychia-
box, and took bonds from Mr. Markow- court, to which both siblings brought rior wall of the house. Dr. Herschkopf trist straight out of the business.
itz’s apartment. lawyers, Riskin issued a ruling dividing would instruct Mr. Markowitz to have Mr. Markowitz said that in 1995,
“At Dr. Ike’s insistence I fired Phyllis the assets between them, which they them framed at his patient’s expense. he also lost over $1.5 million he had
from Associated Fabrics,” Mr. Markowitz both accepted. He also had Mr. Markowitz type up invested, at Dr. Herschkopf ’s recom-
wrote on a timeline of events he shared After that, “I didn’t see my sister for 27 every manuscript of the 12 books mendation, in the Bennett Funding
with me in Southampton. years,” Mr. Markowitz said. he wrote, most of which have not Group, which filed for bankruptcy after
Mr. Markowitz wrote a letter he said “I had a ring in my nose and he was been published. the SEC brought fraud charges. At the
Dr. Herschkopf drafted stating that “no leading me around,” he said of Dr. To the parties, “each invitation came time it was the largest Ponzi scheme in
one in the family would ever inherit any Herschkopf. from Dr. Ike and his family, with no men- U.S. history.
of my money.” At the psychiatrist’s insis- Asked if he felt any internal resistance tion of me,” Mr. Markowitz wrote on Mr. Markowitz said he broke away
tence he hired a messenger to deliver to the demands his psychiatrist was his timeline. from Dr. Herschkopf in 2010 after Mr.
the letter, who left it with Shapiro’s then making, Mr. Markowitz said, “I had to To be sure, this isn’t the only case in Markowitz had a hernia operation and

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22 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
 Jewish World

Dr. Herschkopf didn’t check in with his patient and

supposed friend of almost 40 years.
“I was devastated,” Mr. Markowitz said. “I began
to question the whole basis of our relationship.”
Using lessons learned from Dr. Herschkopf, Mr. Mr. Markowitz’s
Markowitz wrote a letter saying he wanted to take a Southampton house
break. The doctor wrote back warning that Mr. Mar- was the scene of
kowitz was making a terrible mistake and would elaborate summer
lose his business to manipulative employees. parties hosted by
In December, Mr. Markowitz reached out to his his psychiatrist and
sister, Phyllis. When she answered the phone, featuring celebrities
she told him, “I’ve been waiting for this call for and members of
27 years.” New York’s Modern
Though it took some of her children a while to Orthodox community.
trust him again, they are now closer than ever.
In the years since 2010, brother and sister
have biked together through Italy and traveled to
China. Ms. Shapiro spends lots of time now at the
Southampton estate, where she takes daily ten-
nis lessons and plays competitively. The day I vis-
ited, neighbors dropped by — including Joe Noc-
era, who lives next door. The two first met years
ago, when Dr. Herschkopf invited him to one of
the summer parties and Mr. Nocera, like every-
one else, thought Mr. Markowitz was the psychia-
trist’s employee.

Seeking justice
Things have turned around for Mr. Markowitz.
“Once I started running the company totally by
myself I got my mojo back,” Mr. Markowitz said.
“I’m a graduate of the Wharton School and NYU
Law — I’ve got some serious CV going on!”
The business is smaller, but it’s turning a profit
for the first time in many years.
“I’m the happiest I’ve been for many, many
years,” Mr. Markowitz said.
According to Mr. Markowitz, two more of Dr.
Herschkopf’s patients, with similar stories of being
manipulated, also have stepped forward, though
neither he nor Mr. Nocera would divulge their
names or agree to contact them for this report.
Mr. Markowitz’s one remaining goal is to make
sure Dr. Herschkopf is professionally disciplined for
his ethical breaches. Complaints he filed with the
New York State Department of Health in 2012 have
gone nowhere. And Dr. Herschkopf resigned from
the American Psychiatric Association, Mr. Mar-
kowitz said, after being notified that it was going to
commence an investigation into his conduct.
A Department of Health spokeswoman, Erin
Silk, said, “Consistent with Public Health Law, the
Department cannot confirm or deny the receipt of
any complaint or the existence of an Office of Pro-
fessional Medical Conduct (OPMC) investigation of
a licensee unless charges have been posted on the
DOH website or the Board for Professional Medical
Conduct has taken a public action.”
In the podcast, Mr. Markowitz describes a con-
versation with an OPMC employee who informs
him that the complaint is in process but offers noth-
ing more.
A search of Dr. Herschkopf’s name on the OPMC
section of the DOH website turned up nothing.
“I want justice to be served and to me, him losing
his [medical] license is justice,” Mr. Markowitz said.
“I just don’t want him to do this to anyone else.”
 JEWISH TELEGRAPHIC AGENCY

JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 23

Editorial
On Jewish journalism
KEEPING THE FAITH

The Kashuv controversy:

W Post haste can make waste
e’re told that newspa-
pers are dying, at least

T
as physical objects,
even if they might he Kyle Kashuv story is an import- He recently resigned that position.
live on as pixels, divorced from their ant cautionary tale, and all of us, Kashuv described his political activities in
corporeal space-occupying presence. our children especially, must take his admission essay to Harvard College. In
That we won’t have to keep bring- note of it. March, the picture he painted of himself in
ing those thick rectangles, with their Kashuv, 18, is Jewish. He is the son of Uzi that essay, coupled with a grade point aver-
unmistakable feel (have you ever and Vered Adam-Kashuv, émigrés from Israel. age of 5.4 and an overall score of 1,550 on his
noticed how newsprint, the oddly He also is a survivor of the mass shooting at SAT exams, won him acceptance to Harvard.

PHOTO BY CARRIE MILLS

limp paper newspapers are printed
on, doesn’t feel like anything else?),
ability to clutter the most pristine
room almost immediately, and must
be recycled before tottering piles of
them take over our kitchen tables
entirely, into our homes.
We don’t believe that.
Nor do we believe that Jewish jour-
nalism — niche journalism for a niche
market, also community-building
journalism for a distinctly defined if
often restive community — is anything
other than necessary. Urgently neces-
sary. We provide a place for the var-
ious voices inside the community to
talk to us and to each other; the more
you talk, the more you can hope.
So we are here in St. Louis for the
annual conference of the American
Jewish Press Associaton.
When you drive into downtown
St. Louis, you cannot avoid seeing
the huge arch that displays itself
over the city.
At first you think McDonald’s. You
can’t help it. It’s silver, not yellow,
but it’s the same unmistakable shape.
And you (or at least I) think eeewwww.
But then you look at it more closely.
Yesterday, we went to the arch. The
more you look at it the more you for-
get the ridiculous associations with
lousy fast food and the more you see
its gleaming beauty. It was built in the
early 1960s, at the same time as the
1964 Worlds Fair in Flushing Meadow
Park, and you can see the same soar-
ing, gleaming, gravity-defying hope in
it that you see in pictures of the fair
(and you don’t see as you drive by its
hulking remains on the way out to
Long Island).
It’s set in acres of lush green
meadow (the weather’s been spec-
tacular here, but it’s rained for
weeks, so the improbable lushness
is stunning), and it shows silver
against the blue of the sky, reaching
up the way the first astronauts did,
at just about the same time.
Then you go into the arch. You
wait on line, walk deep underground,
climb stairs and stand on lines and
wait and shuffle up and down stairs
and stand in front of doors, and then
you walk into tiny little cabs, packed
in tightly, and then you are moved up
and up and up as the gears creak and
you see stairs and cables and gears
and at one point something that looks
like a kitchen sink as you are labori-
ously pulled up to the top of the arch.
And then you get out and you see the
Mississippi River, and you’re looking
out over American history, and it is
just so very beautiful.
And then you creak down again
(frighteningly enough, we’re told that
it takes four minutes to get up and
only three to get down), and you walk
out of the silver glittering arch feeling
better about just about everything.
Including the future of Jewish
journalism. —JP
Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in In a letter dated June 3, however, Har-
Parkland, Fla., on Feb. 14, 2018, in which 17 vard rescinded that acceptance — not
people were killed and another 17 injured. because of Kashuv’s conservative activism,
Kashuv hid in a closet during the massacre. as some, including Kashuv at times, claim,
Two months after that shooting, however, he but because of what he wrote two years ear-
posted a video on Twitter showing him prac- lier in a Google Docs study guide chat with
ticing shooting with an AR-15 rifle, the same other students. Among other comments he
type of weapon that killed some of his school- made then were “[expletive] the Jews” and
mates. The posting was so upsetting to many “kill the “[expletive] Jews,” which is bizarre
of his schoolmates that Park- considering that he is Jewish,
land police questioned him and, as he says, his family lost
about his motives. relatives in the Holocaust. At
Kashuv became a politically one point in that chat, he used
conservative activist after the the “N” word 11 times in a row,
massacre. Unlike most of his then joked about how he was
fellow schoolmates, however, practicing his typing (“like
his activism was geared to im really good at typing,” he
staunchly opposing restric- wrote, adding that “practice
tive gun control legislation. In makes…perfect”). Kashuv
March 2018, he appeared on Shammai also alluded to a violent com-
the CBS program “Face the Engelmayer puter shooting game, “Count-
Nation.” This past April, he er-Strike: Global Offensive,”
was one of the speakers at the and said he would “[expletive]
annual “leadership forum” hosted by the lob- make a CSGO map of Douglas and practice.”
bying arm of the National Rifle Association. Kashuv reportedly used other racist slurs
In 2018, Kashuv lobbied Congress in favor at other times, as well.
of the STOP School Violence Act, which Harvard’s decision was prompted by pro-
anti-gun activists describe as mere “window tests from some of his former schoolmates
dressing” when it comes to stemming gun after a video was posted online in May by one
violence in schools. His efforts even brought of them, Ariana Ali, which contained screen-
him to the White House in March of that year, shots of the offensive Google Docs chat.
where he met with First Lady Melania Trump, The issue, of course, is whether Harvard
and even spent a brief time with her husband acted correctly in rescinding its acceptance
in the Oval Office. She tweeted afterward that of Kashuv. Jewish law has much to say on the
his “message of unity is one we should all matter. While Kashuv subsequently admitted
share.” Kashuv later became the high school writing the offensive material “two years ago,”
outreach director for Turning Point USA, “a he also insists that was then and this is now.
conservative group with ties to the Trump “What I said two years ago isn’t indicative of
family,” according to the Washington Post. who I am,” he told the New York Times.
Shammai Engelmayer is rabbi of Congregation Beth Israel of the Palisades, now in Fort Lee.

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He was thoughtless and immature
then, he says, but has matured a lot
since then.
In a letter to Harvard, Kashuv apol-
ogized “unequivocally” for his com-
ments, adding that his “intent was
never to hurt anyone.” In a follow-up
letter, however, Harvard’s dean of
admissions, William R. Fitzsimmons,
said the decision to rescind stands.
Maimonides, the Rambam, sums
up Jewish law on the subject in his
volume on repentance (t’shuvah). He
begins with this introductory com-
ment: “A sinner should repent from
his sin before God and confess. This
[is a] mitzvah and [one of] the funda-
mental principles [of faith]….”
He elaborates on this in the next
paragraph, Mishneh Torah, Repen-
tance 1:1.
“If a person…repents, and returns
from his sin, he must confess before
God, blessed be, He as [Numbers
5:6-7, which we read two weeks ago
on Shabbat] states: ‘When a man or
woman commits any wrong toward
a fellow man…, and that person real-
izes his guilt, he shall confess the
wrong that he has done.’ This refers
to a verbal confession. This confes-
sion is a positive command.”
While Rambam, however, says that
it “is very praiseworthy for a person
who repents to confess in public and to
make his sins known to others,” he also
adds this: “Anyone who, out of pride,
conceals his sins and does not reveal
them will not achieve complete repen-
tance….” (See MT Repentance 2:5.)
Kashuv forcefully states his regret
for the things he wrote when he was
16, and insists that he is “no longer
the same person.” Rambam, in MT
Repentance 7:8, says “it is an utter
sin” to hold a repentant sinner’s mis-
deeds against him. This would suggest
that he should be forgiven for what he
did and Harvard should reconsider
its decision. His confession, however,
came only after his former school-
mate posted the video exposing those
heinous remarks. It is fair to wonder,
then, how sincere were his confession
and his stated regrets. After all, he had
two years to “repent,” but did so only
when his “sin” became public. He did
not “make his sins known to others,”
as Rambam put it, but confessed only
after others made his sins known.
One test of a repentant sinner’s sin-
cerity is his demeanor, says Rambam.
“The manner of a repented person is
to be very humble and modest…,” he
notes. (Rambam, ibid.)
An answer Kashuv gave to a Fox
News interviewer, Ed Henry, seems,
at least, to have lacked either trait. It
also raises questions about his sincer-
ity. “How do we know that?,” Henry
asked, referring to Kashuv’s stated
regrets. “You certainly sound heartfelt,
but you want to get something — you
want to get into Harvard or get into
another school. And how do we know
that you’re not just saying ‘Oh, I didn’t
mean it?’”
Kashuv at first repeated that what
he did was immature and unthinking.
It was all part of a game he was play-
ing, trying to be more outrageous than
the others involved in that chat. A few
moments later, however, he said this:
“Harvard was founded in 1636 by slave
owners and has a long history of rac-
ism, sexism, and misogyny.” (He made
similar comments in an interview with
Time magazine, arguing that Harvard
had a “checkered past.”)
During the televised interview,
Henry soon called him on that
remark. “You’re mentioning that they
had slave owners in the 1600s,” he
said. “You using the N-word was…a
little more recent. I go back to my
first question: How do we know that
you’ve really changed? What specif-
ically…has changed in you the past
two years where you would no longer
write the N-word or say the N-word?”
“It’s because I matured tremen-
dously…,” Kashuv replied. “ It’s the
fact that I have condemned racism
in every opportunity that I can in this
public life that I didn’t really ask for.”
It is proper to question Kashuv’s
sincerity, but is it also proper to give
him the benefit of the doubt? Ram-
bam, it seems, adopts a wait-and-see
attitude. “[Who has reached] com-
plete t’shuvah?” he asks rhetorically in
MT T’shuvah 2:1. “A person who con-
fronts the same situation in which he
sinned when he has the potential to
commit [the sin again], and, neverthe-
less, abstains and does not commit it
because of his t’shuvah alone and not
because of fear or a lack of strength.”
Time will tell. For now, Harvard’s
decision appears to be the correct one.
As for the cautionary tale, it is about
consequences. It used to be said that
a person should not write down any-
thing he or she does not want to
appear later in a headline. That is
exponentially true today. Parents need
to tell Kashuv’s story to their children,
and then they need to forcefully bring
home the message that what you write
in a letter, an essay, an email, or post
on social media today, or what photo-
graphs are posted on the internet, may
come back to haunt you for ever more.
All of us need to tell ourselves that,
as well. Electronic postings are per-
manent, and negative or question-
able content will come back to haunt
us, just as Kashuv’s objectionable
chats and tweets will follow him for
years to come.
Opinion
I’VE BEEN THINKING
Heroes close to home ...
I
’ve been thinking about D-Day a
lot recently. And with 75th anni-
versary commemoration programs
flooding our screens, newspapers,
and social media, it’s pretty clear I’m not
alone in my thoughts
As I watched and listened to some of that
programming — seeing 20-year old heroes in
90-year old bodies; being amazed as some
of them described their incredible deeds in
“shucks, we just did what had to be done”
tones; hearing our president, for the first
time in my memory, speak as the leader of
the entire American people and not just
as the head of his base (to
which latter style he unfor-
tunately but not surprisingly
quickly reverted); observ-
ing the leaders of the Allied
and Axis nations gather once
more on those blood-stained
shores, though this time as
friends in peace and remem-
brance and not as enemies in
war and death — I was deeply Joseph C.
moved by the ideals of service Kaplan
and honor and courage and
self-sacrifice that permeated
the proceedings.
My thoughts then slowly turned from the
heroes and pageantry I could see to those
champions who weren’t on the stage or
in the audience, to those brave men who
never made it off the beaches or never even
made it on to them, to the more than 9,000
Americans lying beneath the rows of gleam-
ing white marble crosses and Stars of David
and the 1,557 missing in action who, unable
to be buried, had their names inscribed on
the cemetery’s Walls of the Missing.
And then my thoughts turned once
Joseph C. Kaplan, a regular columnist, is
a long-time resident of Teaneck. His work
also has appeared in various publications
including Sh’ma magazine, the New York
Jewish Week, the Baltimore Jewish Times, and, details behind that medal but they were as
as letters to the editor, the New York Times.
The opinions expressed here are those of the authors, not necessarily those of the newspaper’s editors, publishers,
or other staffers.We welcome letters to the editor. Send them to jstandardletters@gmail.com.
Uncle Moshe, left, and
Uncle Chaim
more, this time to one particular name on
those walls: Murray A. Gross, Seaman Sec-
ond Class, U.S. Navy, who was lost at sea
off the Normandy coast on June 12, 1944.
My Uncle Moshe.
I never knew my mother’s brother, who
died just a bit less than three years before I
was born. My main memory of him is of a cor-
ner in the living rooms of my maternal grand-
parents’ apartments, first in the Bronx and
then in Far Rockaway. Both rooms had a table
with a framed picture of a handsome sailor,
beneath which lay his Purple Heart and cer-
tificate. I was told that like my grandfather,
Uncle Moshe had a wonderful
voice and often would serve in
liturgical choirs, including my
grandfather’s when he offici-
ated at High Holiday services.
But I know little more of that
dashing young man with a
fashionable Clark Gable mous-
tache. How little I knew.
I do know more about my
father’s brother, Abraham
Kaplan, who also served over-
seas in the European Theater
of World War II, then returned
home safely, married, had a family, was a
pharmacist, and lived a long, good, moral life
until he left us at age 87. And I knew a little
something about his service in the ETO only
because I once found a picture in my parents’
house of a soldier in a forest. When I asked
my mother, she said it was Uncle Chaim, and
it was taken while he was fighting in the Bat-
tle of the Bulge. Battle of the Bulge? My sweet
Uncle Chaim was in one of the fiercest battles
in a fierce war? How little I knew.
It turned out, though, that I knew even
less than I thought. When I paid a shiva call
on my Aunt Lillian and my cousins after
Uncle Chaim died, I saw a small case sitting
on a window sill. Looking inside, I found a
Bronze Star awarded to Abraham H. Kaplan.
I asked my cousins if they knew any of the
SEE YEARS OF AGES PAGE 28
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 25
Opinion
To have a mood disorder ... in their own words
A
s of late, we’ve made great strides in the Jew-
ish community and in the world at large as
we campaign against the stigma that sur-
rounds mental illness and substance use dis-
orders. We’ve been starting to acknowledge them as real
and concrete health issues. We’ve been spreading aware-
ness about their existence and how to spot them. Some
personal war stories are being shared publicly. Support
networks are spreading.
We have a long way to go in terms of medical insur-
ance, but some effort has been made toward more eas-
ily, equally, and financially accessible health coverage
(see the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act
[MHPAEA] and the Mental Health Parity Compliance Act
of 2019). Hey, it’s a start. Let’s not talk about life insurance
yet, though. We’ve gone pretty much nowhere with that,
and it’s a topic in its own right.
But as a society, we’re moving forward in recogniz-
ing that mental illness and substance use disorders are
serious public health issues that affect both people who
have them as well as the family and friends who care
about and for them.
Along this journey toward public awareness, I think
that it’s helpful, if not crucial, to understand for what and
for whom exactly we are fighting. We talk about stomp-
ing out stigma and creating support groups and working
toward better mental healthcare quality and coverage,
among other efforts—about which I am thrilled. That’s all
on the outside, though. In a way, even spreading educa-
tion about symptoms (which, again, is crucial), also, still,
only cracks the surface.
I want to know what it’s like on the inside. I can speak
here only of mood disorders, which include depression
and bipolar disorder. I have my own understanding as
someone with a mood disorder, but each individual’s
experience is different. What I want to know and what I
want you to know is the following:
How does it feel to have a mood disorder? And how
does it think to have a mood disorder?
This second question may be oddly phrased, but what I
Parenting during Pride Month
A
s Pride Month comes to a close, I have been
thinking a lot about how to engage our chil-
dren and students to build a world with
greater acceptance, love, and inclusion of
the LGBTQ+ community within Jewish life beyond the
month of June.
We learn in the Jewish tradition that all humans are
created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God. We also
learn the concept of kavod habriyot — our sacred com-
mitment to respect human dignity. These ideas inform
and guide our Jewish obligation to be welcoming to
everyone who wishes to become part of our synagogue
community at CSI Nyack.
Pride is a worthy celebration but also a time to
acknowledge both the progress we’ve made as a Jewish
community and that we have a long way to go. I’m proud
of the Conservative movement’s commitment to Jewish
law, but I also acknowledge its long internal struggle to
move beyond a set of don’t-ask-don’t-tell policies over the
26 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
mean by it is that mood disorders affect not
only mood, but thought as well. Although
depression and bipolar disorder are not by
definition “thought disorders,” they cer-
tainly affect a person’s thinking — which,
in turn, affects mood, which then affects
thoughts, and there it continues in its mer-
ry-go-round of emotions until the ride is
stopped or runs its course.
What does it feel like? What does it think Dena Croog
like? What’s the experience?
Rather than going on and on with my
own response to these questions (and believe you me,
I certainly have the capacity to do so), I’d like to share
with you the views of other people with mood disor-
ders. I believe that it’s important for you to understand
this, as much as you might, in the words of those who
experience and manage these disorders every single
minute of every single day. And to those of you who
experience a similar reality — know that you are not
alone in your triumphs and struggles.
In their own words:
“Mental health issues are draining; that’s the short of it. TARDIS and even SHERLOCK was surprised.” And the
Sometimes you feel like there’s a band of pressure around
your chest, keeping you from taking in much-needed,
calming, filling air. You can’t calm yourself with deep
breaths as your chest is locked and barred and closed
for business. It’s not even hyperventilating, more like a
heavy anchor lying on you, dragging you down with shal-
low malfunctioning intakes.
“Then there’s the various medications you keep track
of, which might not play nicely with other vital yet ener-
vating drugs, and both may contain side effects you’d
rather do away with altogether. I once took an antidepres-
sant that caused an overindulgence of sleep, which made
it hard to function during the day. The solution? Remove
the drug from my rotation, and suffer interrupted sleep
as well as tearfulness. This was a recent decision, so time
will tell whether these side effects go away or are yet
more issues I have to combat indefinitely.
last two and a half decades. I was a student
in the undergraduate program at the Jewish
Theological Seminary when the teshuvot
about more fully welcoming LGBTQ+ peo-
ple was accepted.
That was a huge moment for the Conser-
vative movement. I remember the buzz in
the residential halls. This was 2006. I am
so proud of how far we have come — but I
know that still the work is not done. As a Rabbi
parent of young children and an educator in Russo
the synagogue, I want our children to grow
up with a greater love and awareness of how
the Jewish community and the LGBTQ+ community can
and needs to work together and to support one another.
Here are some ideas for how we can continue to show
and teach that Judaism values every person, including
members of the LGBTQ+ community, who have not
always been welcome within Jewish spaces.
“And let’s not forget that depression
or anxiety and the like can rear their
heads and require professional interven-
tion, such as with a counselor or thera-
pist. I like to think that everyone, even
those who aren’t suffering from a men-
tal disorder, are like a spool of thread
that has been unraveled, and that time
and dedication, either solitarily or with
professionals, will help wind the spool
of thread taut. However, this is quite
time consuming, frustrating, and (again,
there’s that key word) draining, as you go in circles and
cycles of issues like childhood, fulfillment, satisfaction,
relationships, and a host of other concerns, all in an
effort to gather up your strings and threads and wind
them whole again.”
Regarding peer support, another person explains:
“I once tweeted, ‘The best part about being in a fan-
dom is that when trying to explain something totally
random, all you have to say is, “It’s like that time KIRK
told VADER that GANDALF chose HARRY to operate the
other person knows exactly what you mean.’
“Having a mood disorder is like being in a fandom.
The difference is most people join fandoms because
they like the thing, not because their brains are chem-
ically set up for it. Life with a mood disorder is like
being a fan before finding your fandom; trying to
explain something you are passionate about to people
who have no idea what you are talking about. Every-
one looks at you like you are strange and they start to
avoid you, so you become Eleanor Rigby; ‘wearing a
face that you keep in a jar by the door.’ You hide, and
put on a façade, a mask, and pretend like you don’t
spend hours watching your favorite episodes frame
by frame. You bite your tongue to correct a misquote
and you don’t mention the obscure trivia you know.
Because that’s just not done in polite society. And you
live alone and in silence.
1. As an ally to the LGBTQ+ commu-
nity, the first thing I want to do is to lis-
ten and learn. In Rockland County we
have a close relationship with the Rock-
land County Pride Center, and we take
our cues from them. We often approach
human rights with the best of intentions,
and our vision becomes clearer when we
understand the needs more fully. I have
Ariel learned that showing up and partnering
with the LGBTQ+ community is extremely
important. We model inclusion by work-
ing together as partners.
2. Books can be powerful tools in helping to teach
our children. Two books that have Jewish stories and
acknowledge LGBTQ+ families are “The Flower Girl
Wore Celery” by Meryl G. Gordon and “The Purim
Superhero” by Elisabeth Kushner. “The Flower Girl
Wore Celery” tells the story of a Jewish lesbian wedding.

“It’s a hard life. One you did not choose and never
wanted. One you cannot enjoy. But unlike a fandom,
where you can quit at any time, you cannot quit your
mood disorder. It will forever be a part of you. To never
explain it, never talk about, creates a pain that makes life
heavy. Too much to bear on your own.
“One thing that can help make it easier is finding some-
one who will listen to you go on about your fandom, even
if they haven’t experienced it. But they try to learn, even
a little, so that when you need to tell them about the next
big plot point, they have even a vague idea of the story.
“That is called Support. Support is a lifesaver, because
it tells you, ‘You are not alone in this. I am also here.’ And
when you’ve found your tribe, who understand, or try to
understand what you are talking about, the burden you
carry becomes a little lighter.”
Another view on staying well is that it begins with a
person accepting the mental illness in a compassionate,
non-judging way. As one person reflects:
“Acceptance is key to staying well and staying focused
on what works — medication, psychotherapy, and a
healthy lifestyle. Living with mental illness (I have heard
people speak that living with mental illness is less stig-
matizing than struggling with mental illness or suffering
from mental illness) doesn’t mean that you can’t have a
‘normal’ life — marriage, children, work.”
Shares the same person about mania:
“Unfortunately, due to the media, people often have
a romanticized view of mania. But mania doesn’t always
result in some great poem or painting; it can result in
enormous trauma for you and your family. Mania isn’t
always about feeling super human, but it can drive you
to believe that the world is a horrifying place. Mania can
result in forced hospitalizations and treatment trauma.”
One person vividly described the feelings and thoughts
associated with being manic or depressed:
“I will start by saying that the part of having a mood
disorder that involves actually calling it a mood disorder,
exemplified in an opportunity such as this one when I can
write about having a mood disorder, can be a huge relief.
“The Purim Superhero” is a fun Purim story that cen-
ters around a family with two dads. These books nor-
malize families with same-sex parents within a Jewish
context. When working with young children, these
books are powerful resources.
3. Bring your children to rallies, Pride Shabbatot,
Drag Queen story hour, and other programs or events
as an opening to talk about acceptance in your homes.
Our children are always listening. Our actions and our
language instill values in our children. We all learn
through experiences. When we show up and bring our
children we are creating opportunities for teachable
moments and reflection.
4. We can be more aware of gender norms and how
they might stifle children and students. My toddler
son told me that his sister could not have his sippy cup
because she gets the pink one. I share this example
because it is so easy for us to perpetuate gender norms in
ways that could be unhelpful or even destructive. When
It puts words to internal experiences and sensations that
had endlessly perplexed and devastated you and others.
The very label can be a pressure release valve.
My particular mood disorder feels like the volume
being turned up on life. My therapist described it that
way and it immediately resonated. The highs are high
and the lows are low. Everything is heightened. Frus-
trations are extra frustrating. Joy is overly joyful. Sad-
ness is total doom. Nervousness over one particular
morning or even one moment can lead to days of agi-
tation and fear.
Moods, when you have a mood disorder, feel like
unyielding and disorienting external structures built
around you by some unseen force that you have to
live within, rather than a transient and rationalizable
series of feelings that come from and are controllable
by some sort of ‘me.’ A mood disorder feels like feeling
some ‘thing’ in a situation with a person or people or
a place and becoming 100 percent fixated on all of the
possible reasons for that feeling and ways that feeling
connects with all feelings and all situations and all com-
munities and all universes and the implications of all of
that. Having a mood disorder can feel like being very
proud of all of the interconnections you make and feel,
as well as the level of depth you experience, and then
also hating yourself for thinking that highly of yourself
and thinking for that long about all of that stuff. You just
ride it all out!”
This self-criticism is a common theme among those
with whom I’ve spoken. Says one person:
“I usually liken depression to being in a hole, trying
to claw my way up and out. Medication takes away the
persistent feeling of dread that accompanies it. Depres-
sion, for me, is a state of dysphoria. There’s hopelessness
mixed with guilt that I’m like this.”
Yet one more description, to which I particularly
relate:
“Sometimes depression can feel like your worst
enemy has gained control of your brain. They now con-
trol your thought patterns, your nerve-endings, your
we praise boys for taking care of the home and talk about
women professionals who serve in traditionally male
roles, we help to change the story of socialized gender
roles. We open up the possibilities. Since I was an ado-
lescent at Camp Ramah, I have worn a kippah, tallit, and
tefillin during weekday morning services. Many of the
female students at my synagogue have adopted the prac-
tice of wearing a kippah while in the synagogue. We took
a traditionally male tradition and invited all of our Torah
learners to participate. I cannot adequately describe the
joy I feel when I look at the array of kippot that our chil-
dren wear on the bimah each Saturday.
5. As educators and parents, accepting our children
and students for who they are and meeting them on their
terms is so important. We are role models for them, and
our acceptance can be life-affirming. By signaling to our
children that we love them regardless of their gender
identity or sexual orientation, we give them an opening
to confide in us. We have a responsibility to nurture and
Opinion
pain-points — and they’re using them against you in the
most sadistic ways possible.”
Personally, I view a mood disorder as an actual “It” —
a thing, a being, an interloper that hijacks the brain and
pretends to actually be that person. An “It” that in itself
thinks and feels in a cognitively destructive manner —
whether in a depressed or manic or agitated state — but
makes a person think that It is the actual person. And
It doesn’t only affect a person’s inner reality. The inner
world affects how a person acts on the outside, in the
physical world.
It’s difficult — and understandably so — for others in
that outside world to see that it’s the “It” at work, caus-
ing chaos on the inside. So that the repercussions for
the person’s behavior and the reactions of others take
place in the physical world. What’s going on mentally
is beside the point.
In a nutshell, a mood disorder manifests both inter-
nally as well as externally. It’s a challenge to live with and
it can take a whole lot of work to stay stabilized. And it
often makes a person feel lonely. But there are things that
help, small gestures by others that can make the differ-
ence between isolation and feeling heard.
“How are you doing today?” We can all start with that.
As we follow the course of reducing stigma, working
toward better services, creating networks to help, and
all the important efforts that are currently underway,
we need to remember that we’re talking about individ-
uals. We’re talking about individuals with experiences
that are challenging, each in their own unique way.
Individuals who, just like any of us, want to be under-
stood. Individuals whose lives can be enriched were
you only to notice them.
Reading their words helps. Reaching out is even better.
Dena Croog is a writer and editor in Teaneck and the
founder of Refa’enu, a nonprofit organization dedicated
to mood disorder awareness and support. Learn about the
organization and its support groups at www.refaenu.org,
or email dena@refaenu.org with questions or comments.
nourish young people who are on their own sacred jour-
neys of self-discovery. It is a gift and an opportunity to be
an unwavering supporter of our children as they figure
out who they are becoming.
There is a rabbinic dictum, “Words that originate from
the heart enter the heart.” When we model that all love is
sacred, our students and children internalize that. Pride
often is a time both of celebration, and for the recognition
that there is a struggle for full inclusion of LGBTQ+ people
within all Jewish spaces.
When we open our hearts, listen to the LGBTQ+ com-
munity, and proactively show our support and love, we
are fulfilling Jewish values.
Ariel Russo, the rabbi of CSI Nyack, was educated
by the Jewish Theological Seminary of America and
inspired by Camp Ramah. In her spare time she
wrangles her kids into car seats and explores the lower
Hudson region with her husband.
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 27
Opinion
A VIEW FROM THE PEW
Who’s in and who’s out:
Numbers don’t always add up
W
ho do we count in and who do we count out?
Our Torah reading cycle has us in the
middle of the book that is called Bamidbar
in Hebrew. That word, translated accu-
rately into English, means “in the wilderness.” In English,
however, the book, the fourth of the Five Books of Moses,
is called Numbers.
Hebrew names for each of the books come from its first sig- gious exemptions. When David Ben-Gurion acceded to the
nificant word, while the English names, derived from Greek
or Latin, are more descriptive about the book’s content. The
Hebrew and English names for the Torah’s first book, B’reshit
and Genesis, both connote beginnings, but after that, the other mise was worth the moral inequity. Today there are hundreds
four pairs of names seem to me to describe different aspects
of the same book. In the case of Bamidbar/ Num-
bers, the book not only begins with a census of
the Israelites — it’s about numbers — but also
some of its later sections touch on who is to be
counted in, and who counted out, of the commu-
nity, and especially its leadership. The setting of
the entire book is Bamidbar —the wilderness of
Sinai. It chronicles the 40 years of wandering and
the people’s internal struggles both with faith in
God and the question of communal leadership.
Most of the Book of Numbers/ Bamidbar is
Rabbi Neal
read in the summer months, when many Amer-
Borovitz
ican Jews take a vacation from synagogue. Thus,
the stories of the multiple rebellions against
Moses’ leadership, as well as the issue of a cen-
sus for the purpose of both military conscription and commu-
nity service with which the book begins, are less familiar to
many of us than the dramas of Genesis and Exodus.
For both modern Americans and Israelis, the idea of taking
a census is commonplace, and until recently it was rather non- and whose legal status upon their return from war is in ques-
controversial. It may come as a surprise, therefore, to know
that for most of human history, including Jewish history, there was removed from the census after World War II, will non-citi-
often was an abhorrence to the idea of counting people.
In the ancient and medieval worlds, knowing a person’s
number was equivalent to knowing that person’s essence and
thereby having a power over him or her. A biblical example
of the danger of a census is described in II Samuel 24, where
David’s call for a census is questioned. Yet in the opening of
Numbers it is God who is heard directing Moses to call for an
even broader census than David’s, for the very same purpose
— to raise an army. Why was King David condemned for doing
what Moses had been commanded to do? Moreover, what do
these two stories have to say to both Americans and Israelis
about the issue of how we compose our military forces today?
Is an all-volunteer army fair? How universal should conscrip-
tion be? What are valid reasons for exemptions?
My answers to these questions are both simple and com-
plex. Rabbinic literature explains the condemnation of
David in II Samuel because David wanted to raise an army
for a war that was discretionary rather than commanded.
Rabbinic tradition teaches us that except for the conquest
under Joshua, the only commanded war is one of communal
defense. Moreover, Jewish commentaries on the stories of
conflicts in Numbers teach us that it was everybody’s respon-
sibility to defend the community.
I believe that these same principals hold true today. Until anti-Semitism, assimilation, and arrogance remain plagues on
the realization of the vision of Micah and Isaiah — a world
where nations will “beat their swords into plowshares” —
shouldn’t everyone have an equal responsibility to partici-
pate in national defense?
This obviously is the number one item on Israel’s political Neal Borovitz is rabbi emeritus of Temple Avodat Shalom of
agenda this summer. The issue of religious exemptions was
28 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
the stumbling block in forming a new Israeli government and
the precipitant to new elections that will held in September.
Pinchas Peli z”l, a great modern Israeli biblical scholar,
taught, in his commentary on the book of Bamidbar/Num-
bers, that he saw Chapter One as the creation of the world’s
first “people’s army.” Peli was a religious Jew who served in
the IDF and was critical of Orthodox Jews who sought reli-
request of religious political parties, made in the early years
of statehood, that yeshiva students not be drafted, there were
not many such students, and he felt that the political compro-
of thousands of yeshiva students, and the split it is creating
in Israeli society is great. Moreover, some of
the Israelis who are conscripted to serve in
the Israeli Army are not counted as Jews by
the same religious authorities who demand
that their own children not serve in the army.
These Israeli military veterans cannot be mar-
ried in Israel, nor even be buried in cemeteries
that are controlled by the state’s rabbinate.
The question of who is counted in and who
is counted out is not a question just in Israel. In
the last quarter of the 20th century, post-Viet-
nam War America moved away from conscrip-
tion to an all-volunteer army. Many of my gen-
eration who supported this position thought
it would lead to fewer discretionary wars. In
fact, that has not been the case. Rather, our American military
forces are predominately comprised of poor people, people of
color, and immigrants. Some of those veterans of recent wars
in fact are illegal immigrants who came to America as children,
tion. If the 2020 census includes a citizenship question that
zen residents, including both legal and illegal immigrants, fear
being counted? Will the result be a decade of under-represen-
tation in Congress and un-equal allocation of tax dollars?
For me as an American and as a Jew, this book of Numbers
poses some very relevant and salient questions.
1. In both America and Israel, who do we count in? What
are the rights and responsibilities of those who by law are
considered equal citizens in a democratic society?
2. For both America and Israel, the question of how we
treat members of religious and ethnic minorities has both
moral and political implications.
3. What are the long-term implications for Israel and world
Jewry stemming from who counts themselves in as a Jew and
who the Jewish state does or does not count?
4. Are there lessons we can learn from the bitter internal
battles described in the book of Bamidbar for 21st-century
Jewry about the price we pay when we allow what the rabbis
later called “sinat chinam” — the baseless hatred of one group
of Jews for another — to color our intergroup relations?
“Bamidbar: In the Wilderness” is a true description of how I
often feel as both an American and a Jew these days. Yet while
I feel that the challenges facing my children’s and grandchil-
dren’s generation of Americans and Jews are awesome, while
our community, I nonetheless find hope that caring and cre-
ative new generations of Jews will wrestle together and find a
path out of today’s amoral political wilderness.
River Edge.
Years of ages
FROM PAGE 25
perplexed as I; Uncle Chaim had never said a
word about it to any of them.
And here’s the lawyer in me coming out.
As stated in 32 CFR §578.16(a), a Bronze Star
Medal is awarded to a person who “distin-
guished himself or herself by heroic or mer-
itorious achievement or service . . . in con-
nection with military operations against an
armed enemy.” Quiet, modest, shy, dear Uncle
Chaim? How little I knew.
And how little I still know. I spent a few hours
doing some online research to see if I could find
out any details relating to his medal, all to no
avail. (If any readers know how I can find addi-
tional information — I have his Army serial num-
ver. if that’s any help — please leave a comment
on my Times of Israel blog or Facebook pages.)
The people who did know — my grandpar-
ents, parents, aunts, and uncles — are no longer
with us (with the exception of one aunt, may
she live a long life) for me to ask. And when
they were here, I was too engrossed with what
I foolishly thought were more important things
to ask about these heroes in my family. And so,
in this age of too much information about so
much unimportant nonsense, I have too little
information about what’s truly important.
I was emailing with my siblings as I was
thinking about this column, seeking some data
on family history, and ended that email as fol-
lows: “But, again, I stupidly never asked. Were
either of you smarter than me?” My brilliant
professor brother began his response (with a
smile I’m sure): “Dear Fellow Stupid Sibling.”
You can imagine the rest. How little we know.
My Uncle Moshe is memorialized on the
Walls of the Missing in Normandy, on my
grandfather’s matzevah (headstone) in Har
HaMenuchot in Jerusalem, and in the name of
Yeshiva Zichron Moshe, formerly of the Bronx
and now of South Fallsburg, which my grand-
parents and Rav Yeruchem Gorelick founded
in his memory. And my Uncle Chaim is memo-
rialized by his wonderful children, grandchil-
dren, and great-grandchildren, who do his
memory proud.
But we don’t have their stories. The tales of
their youth, the heroism they demonstrated,
the valor by which they lived and fought and
died, are not part of our family lore, are not
etched in our collective memories. And they
should be. So if you’re lucky enough to still
have someone to ask, do so without delay.
Understand, though, as my therapist
daughter pointed out to me, people who’ve
gone through such experiences might not
want to burden those who haven’t, and thus
might not want to talk about it. But you won’t
know unless you ask. And, as I pointed out to
my daughter, as time passes, some of those
who didn’t want to talk change their minds.
And you won’t know that unless you ask
again, as appropriate.
“Remember the days of old. Consider the
years of ages past. Ask your father, he will
inform you. Your elders, they will tell you.”
(Deuteronomy 32:7). It’s good advice. Follow
it and ask.
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Deborah Herman Brenda Sutcliffe Contributing Writers
Art Director Account Executives
INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLEX LEARNING DISABILITIES.
Elementary, Middle, and High Schools
About Our Children is published 11 times a year by the New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Media Group,
1086 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, NJ 07666; telephone: (201) 837-8818; fax: (201) 833-4959.; e-mail: AboutOC@aol.com. www.sinaischools.org • 201-833-1134

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 3

 musings from the editor
T
here is a video of the kids.
Yehuda is about 5. Shaina about 4. Yehu-
da’s leg is propped on the edge of the televi-
sion stand, and he is a foot away from the screen.
At the other end of the living room, Shaina no-
tices a camera rolling and starts a conversation with
the videographer, our friend, Tina.
“Whatcha doing?” Tina asks.
Rocking back and forth and cocking her head to
one side, Shaina, looking quite cute, says, “Yehuda’s
watching Spider-Man.”
Yes, Spider-Man who came into our home
when Yehuda was old enough to read — and who
hasn’t left.
The beloved Marvel superhero created by ge-
nius writer-editor Stan Lee and writ-
er-artist Steve Ditko first appeared
to comic book lovers in August 1962.
Several decades later, he came into our
house. Spider-Man was the alias of Pe-
ter Parker, a most relatable and sympa-
thetic brainy teen. An orphan reared by
his Aunt May and Uncle Ben in Queens
after his parents were killed in a plane
crash, he also was a comic book break-
through. Teen characters had been
relegated as sidekicks of the protago-
nist, but Spider-Man was the main hero. With his
spider-like abilities after being bit by a radioactive
spider, he could cling to surfaces, shoot spider webs,
and detect danger with his “spider sense.” He was
awesome. And like so many teens, Spider-Man strug-
Shaina and Yehuda meet Reeve Carney, aka
Spider-Man
gled with feelings of rejection, inade-
quacy, and loneliness.
And, he may be Jewish, too!
So how did S-M manifest in
our home?
Well, of course, there were the
comic books. Kept in protective plastic
envelopes and stored in impeccable or-
der, Yehuda would gingerly read each
one and put them back on the book-
shelf in their designated space.
Then, the ephemera, props and art: A Spi-
der-Man lamp, a Spider-Man piggy bank, posters
of said Spider-Man, and even an original oil paint-
ing lovingly created by our babysitter and given to
Yehuda as a gift.
Let’s not forget Purim. Musclebound and
masked blue-and-red costumes each year were de
rigueur, one a size larger than one of the last year.
Shaina even got into the mania and dressed in a cos-
tume of Spider-Girl — who doesn’t exist.
One of Yehuda’s best Spider-Man encounters was
a gift for his 12th birthday. On Broadway, the musical
“Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” was playing, and
Jeff and I surprised him with tickets. The high-flying
acrobatics of characters swooping into the audience
was a thrill, especially when Spider-Man landed feet
away. The autograph from Reeve Carney, who had
the title role, was pretty good, too.
As Yehuda got older, Spider-Man mania receded.
Imagine my surprise with Shaina.
Perhaps it is more about the actor than the
character for Shaina, who recently set out to meet
Tom Holland, the actor who plays Spider-Man in the
soon-to-be-released “Spider-Man: Far from Home.”
She went to the Empire State Building, worked
her way into a press conference, and then took a
selfie with Zendaya, the actress who plays MJ, Spi-
der-Man’s love interest. Guess who photobombed
that picture? Tom Holland! Spider-Man! Needless to
say, Shaina was thrilled!
The kids may be big now, but I can still say
thanks to “Spider-Man” for helping to spin their
sweet memories.
Cheers,

Drs. Howard Friedman, Christopher Weiss, Shana Kaye and Maggie Love
of Washington Avenue Pediatrics are delighted to announce that
Dr. Steven Schuss and Dr. Pnina Marciano
of Teaneck Pediatrics will be joining our practice.
As of August 26, 2019, they will be seeing patients at our office in Bergenfield.
We look forward to welcoming them and the patients of Teaneck
Pediatrics to the Washington Avenue Pediatrics family.

95 North Washington Avenue • Bergenfield, NJ

Phone – 201 384 0300 • Fax – 201 384 9518
www.washingtonavenuepediatrics.com
4 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019
 Summer Is For Kids

Art for Learning, LLC Bounce U

Englewood 70 Eisenhower Drive
artforlearning@yahoo.com Paramus, NJ 07652
Artforlearning.com (201) 843-5880
Artist and lecturer Sheryl Intrator presents a unique www.bounceU.com/paramus-nj
summer art intensive camp that is experiential and www.Facebook.com/
creative for students in grades 1 to 11. The program BounceUParamus/
runs from July 8 to August 30. Art students learn as 424 Market St.
they take trips to the Metropolitan Museum of Art Nanuet, NY 10954
and create art in places like Central Park. Themed (845) 623-5400
art programs include Impressionist, Modern, Mosa- www.BounceU.com/nanuet-ny
ic and Glass, Jewish Immigrant Experience, Princess www.Facebook.com/
Experience, and for the youngest students, there BounceUNanuet/
are themes including Dinosaur and Under the Sea, Create and Bounce Art Camp — A little bit of exercise goes a long way toward inspiring
African Safari or Farm Animals. They visit different your artists’ minds. BounceU’s Create and Bounce program gives kids a chance to enjoy
sites such as Colonial Estates, Ellis Island and more. physical activity and creative time in equal doses, offering an experience that’s healthy,
Fashion students go to designer showrooms in Man- mentally engaging and seriously fun. Complete with lunch, snacks, and games, it’s a one-
hattan’s Garment District, trendy SoHo, learn about of-a-kind camp experience they’ll never forget.
perfume manufacturing, clothing design and make
their own fashion designs. For information and de-
tails (201) 503-9796.

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www.Facebook.com/BounceUParamus/ 07652 icecreamongrandgmail.com
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 5
OurChildren
About

Gigi & Lo Ice Cream on Grand

1445 Queen Anne Road 523 Grand Ave.
Teaneck, NJ Englewood, NJ
(646) 342-6464 (201) 569-5346
gigiandlo.com icecreamongrand.com
Named for the owner’s daughters, Gigi & Lo is a new Ice Cream on Grand offers more than 30 fla-
children’s clothing boutique that offers clean, classic vors of homemade super-premium ice cream,
styles, both American and European, with an edge. novelties, and ice cream cakes, all made with
Brands include Tocoto Vintage, 1+ in the Family, Egg, high-quality kosher ingredients. The newly
Velveteen, Louis Louise, Bonton, Bari Lynn and more. renovated, peanut-free facility owned by Syed
Play clothes, dress clothes, pajamas, tee shirts, sweat- Rizvi is operated under K of K supervision.
shirts and great gifts for babies and children from $20 There is an outdoor seating area and plenty of
and up. The store has a personalization bar for clothing parking. All cakes can be made with most of
and gifts while you wait. the hard ice cream flavors and picture cakes
are a specialty.

International Chess Academy

Growing Smiles Pediatric Dentistry 185 Court St.
105 North Dean St. Teaneck, NJ
(201) 608-5114 (201) 833-1741
growingsmilesnj.com icanj.net
We are a state-of-the-art The International Chess Academy
pediatric dental practice. has been in business for more than
Dr. Eytan Chen, our pedi- 20 years. In that time we have of-
atric dentist, is a graduate fered private and group lessons, af-
of Harvard Dental School. ter-school programs, tournaments,
Our office is a lot of fun and camps to individuals, private,
with iPads and magna tiles and public schools, as well as orga-
to play with. Our practice nizations within the Bergen County community. Our students have represented us, them-
serves infants through ad- selves, and, in the case of international tournaments, the USA, in local, national, and world
olescents, and welcomes competitions. Those students who have studied with us for more than ten years have often
children with special needs. Dr. Eytan and the entire staff are warm and caring. Both you gone on to study in Ivy League colleges such as Dartmouth, Columbia, and Princeton, as
and your children will be happy you came to Growing Smiles Pediatric Dentistry. Parking well as prestigious top-tier schools like MIT, Johns Hopkins, and Brandeis. Chess is a fun
is easy and right in front of our door. and enjoyable method of brain training the benefits of which last a lifetime.

Summer Is For Kids

Open Sundays!

Call today to make

an appointment!
23 W. Palisade Avenue
Englewood
Premier Children’s Clothing Boutique 201-408-4441
Same Day Personalization 1016 Main Avenue
Newborn–Size 12 Clifton
1445 Queen Anne Road • Teaneck, NJ • 201-817-8700 973-546-5700
€gigiandlo njeyeandear.com JS 19B

6 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019

 OurChildren
About

NJ Eye and Ear Teaneck Farmers’ Market

23 West Palisade Ave. Corner of Garrison Avenue & Beverly Road
Englewood, NJ Teaneck, NJ
(201) 408-4441 www.cedarlane.net
njeyeandear.com Come to the popular Teaneck Farmers’ Mar-
Under the leadership of Dr. Daniel Stegman, NJ ket, every Thursday, 12-6 p.m., rain or shine.
Eye and Ear is a full-service adult and pediatric Farm fresh fruit and vegetables, honey, pick-
optical boutique with some of the best ophthal- les, bread, cheeses, baked goods, prepared
mologists and eye surgeons in the industry on food, knife sharpening and more. Kids activi-
staff. Our doctors are experienced in all sub-spe- ties. Onsite parking.
cialties of ophthalmology. Come for your annual
eye examination, laser vision correction, cataract
and cosmetic surgery. Their new facility offers
pediatric services on the second floor. The Therapy Gym
W. Englewood Avenue
Teaneck, NJ
(201) 357-0417
State Fair Meadowlands thetherapygym.com
The State Fair Meadowlands at MetLife We are a comprehensive pediatric therapy facili-
Stadium is a summer staple for fami- ty treating newborns through 21. We believe in a
ly fun. The fair offers nonstop free live team approach to treat the whole child. Our goal is
entertainment, food, exhibits, shopping, to provide individualized therapeutic programs for
thrilling rides for all ages, including the each child so they develop skills allowing them to
largest Kiddie Land in New Jersey. There reach their maximum potential. Parent training and
are promotions for every budget, includ- home programs are offered as part of our program.
ing Discount Days, Ride All Ride Mega Our facility provides a safe, secure and friendly
Passes and more. Through July 7. State therapeutic environment. The Therapy Gym offers
Fair Meadowlands, East Rutherford. For more than 2,500 square feet of open space. There
bargains, discounts, fair hours and more are areas for ball play, mat exercises, suspended
information, visit NJFair.com. equipment, gross motor activities, a rock climbing wall, monkey bars and a sensory area.
There are also seven separate treatment rooms for speech, occupational, physical therapy,
as well as sensory, gait and interactive metronome treatments. Our aquatic therapy ses-
sions are conveniently located minutes from our main office.

Summer Is For Kids

TEANECK
IT’S
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IT’SGOING
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TOFARMERS’
TOBE
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BEANOTHER
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ANOTHERGREAT
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SEASON
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F••Farm
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FarmFresh
Fresh
FreshFruits
Fruits
Fruits&&&Vegetables
Vegetables
Vegetables••Plants
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Plants••Flowers
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Flowers&&&
CR Herbs
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Herbs••Pickles
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Farm Fresh Gourmet
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• FlowersFoods
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Baked Goods
Jams
Jams • Honey
Jams••Cheese
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Cheese••Meats
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•Poultry Prepared
Poultry••Seafood
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Empanadas •
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ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 7

OurChildren
About

And Off They Go to Sleep-Away Camp

Denise Morrison Yearian Did he or she sleep well? Was he or she able to care to be extravagant, just something to let him know you
for himself (brush teeth, take a bath, change clothes)? are thinking of him. Just be sure if you are sending food,

S
leep-away camp is a wonderful, growth-filled ex-
perience that provides your child with invaluable
life lessons on how to be independent, responsi-
ble, and make diverse friendships.
So how do you go about choosing the right sleep-
away camp?
First, talk it over with your child and discuss his in-
terests. Finding a camp with activities he will enjoy is im-
portant, but it’s also a great place to try something dif-
ferent. Encourage your child to try new experiences. Just
because he or she likes soccer doesn’t mean she might
not enjoy learning a new skill, such as arts and crafts.
Next, explore the options. Find out about programs
each camp offers and ask questions. Sometimes parents
find out whether there is quality instruction and enough
time for their child to participate in the said activity, and
stop there. Take time, however, to learn about other seg-
ments of the program too. What concepts or philosophy
does the camp espouse? What will my child do through
the course of a typical day? If the camp has a brochure,
read it carefully, then match it to your agenda and the
experience you want for your child.
To determine if your child is developmentally ready
for sleep-away camp, do a trial run. Send your child to
visit a relative for the weekend. How did the child do?
Did he or she adjust to new or different foods? These you know the rules about food in cabins, as it could at-
and other questions will help you decide if your child is tract bugs and outdoor creatures.
ready for the residential camp experience. Several weeks before camp, keep your child’s
On the first day of camp, help your child get set- schedule open and stress-free. This will allow plenty
tled, then leave. Don’t stick around too long. If you of time to relax and prepare for the big event. In short,
drive your child to camp, he or she may cling to you on plan major summer events like family vacations and
the way up. Remember, this is something new, and it’s camp with a break in between.
natural, even for a veteran camper, to be a little hes- Avoid purchasing new clothes for camp. Chances
itant. Once there, however, many kids will shift from are, they’ll get soiled, stained, or mildewed before they
clingy to embarrassed in front of their friends, and get home, if they make it home. Round up old clothes
parents are often slow to pick up on this. and shoes. Save the new items for after camp.
Even before sending your child to camp, mail a let- On the last day of camp, arrive on time, and come
ter. This way your child has something to open when prepared with a few extra plastic bags. You may need
the mail arrives on the first day. It doesn’t have to be them, especially if your child has wet clothes or muddy
anything fancy, just a note saying that he is in your shoes that need to be transported.
thoughts and your wishes for a good time. If your child On the ride home, listen to your child as she shares
doesn’t write back, don’t take it personally. Camp is a her experiences with you. And if you look really close-
art, fashion or teen programs
full-time job for kids. Some may be inclined to share
it all with their parents, others will get so caught up
ly, you may find he or she is grown. Not just in height,
but in depth of character. Camp has a way of helping
in the moment that promises to write are forgotten. If Gradetheir
kids grow by boosting 2ndself-esteem,
- 9th increasing their
you don’t hear from your child, it probably means he Age sense of responsibility,
Appropriate Art &and helping them
Fashion mature
Design in their
Programs
or she is having a great time and enjoying the Available
new- relationships with others.
in Weekly sessions at Our Englewood Location
found freedom.
Denise june 26 thru august 18th maga-
th
Whether your child goes to camp for one week or Yearian is the former editor of two parenting
the whole summer, send a care package.Impressionist
It doesn’t have• Modern
zines and a mother andArt
• Victorian grandmother.
of China and Japan - 4 levels of Fashion

Summer Is For Kids

Painting in Central Park • Trips to Museums & Mansions
Visit Garment District Show Rooms
Visit Backstage at Broadway Show to Learn About Costume Design
Teen Tours - Visit Great Sites in New York
The Therapy Gym Book Now! Call
art for learning , LLC
201-503-9796
July 8 – August 30or
Weekly artforlearning@yahoo.com
E-mail: Sessions at our Englewood Location
EXPLORE ART IN DETAIL Grades 1–11
Impressionism
is providing Modern
Victorian
Physical, Occupational, Glass & Mosaic
and Speech Therapy Greek & Roman
Services (Percy Jackson)
in many camps Jewish Immigrant Experience and more
this summer. art, fashion
fashion or
or teen
teen programs
Choose from 20 Unique Programs
programs
Art Projects you will treasure! Two trips per week!
Please call to see
art, fashionGrade
or teen
Grade 2nd 9th programs
2nd--9th
FASHION PROGRAM
Age Appropriate Art
Art&
Grade
Appropriate 2nd
& Grades
Fashion
- 9th
Fashion 4–11
Design
Design Programs
Programs
if we are in your camp Agethe
Appropriate
Available
Visit in WeeklyArt
Weekly
fabulous
in & Fashion
sessions
sessions atatOurDesign
Our ProgramsLocation
Englewood
Englewood Location
and to schedule. Available in Weekly sessions at Our Englewood Location
Garment District
june
june 26and
26 thru
th
th
thruaugust august18 18
thth

related
Impressionist specialty
• Modern
juneshops.
•
26th thru august 18th
Victorian
Victorian Art of China and Japan- -44levels
Modern••Victorian Art of China and Japan levelsofofFashion
Fashion
Learn
Impressionist about design, Art of China and Japan - 4 levels of Fashion
• Modern
Painting in
in Central
Central Park
Park •• Trips
Trips to
to Museums
Museums & &Mansions
Mansions
• Infants Through Adolescents marketing, branding,
Painting in Central
Visit
Park • Trips to Museums & Mansions
Garment District Show Rooms
VisitGarment
and merchandising.
Visit Garment District
District ShowShowRoomsRooms
• We Welcome Children Visit Backstage
VisitLearn at
at Broadway
Broadway Show
Show totoLearn
Learn About
About Costume
CostumeDesign
Design
how culture benefits from fashion. Costume
Backstage at Broadway Show to Learn About Design
with Special Needs CAMP S Teen Tours - Visit Great Sites in New York
UP Teen Tours - Visit
Great projects! Two trips per week.
Teen Tours - Visit Great
Great SitesSites
in in
New New
York York
• Onsite Parking CHECK
Book
Book
Book Now!
Now! Call
Call
Now! Call
To schedule your child's session artfor
art for learning
105 N. Dean Street • Englewood, NJ
call 201-357-0417
forlearning
201-503-9796
learning , LLC
201-608-5114 201-503-9796
201-503-9796oror or
or email ellie@thetherapygym.com E-mail: artforlearning@yahoo.com
E-mail:
E-mail:Artforlearning@yahoo.com
E-mail: artforlearning@yahoo.com
growingsmilesnj.com www.thetherapygym.com
artforlearning@yahoo.com
www.Artforlearning.com

8 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019

 MEADOWLANDS
June 20- July 7

New Shows free with fair admission

Plus All of Your
Fair Favorites!
Cycle Circus Live • Racing Pigs
Extreme Illusions • Escapes
Strolling Magician Artie Miller &
HYPNOTIST STEVE BAYNER
MAGICIAN JUNGLE ISLAND JURASSIC PAUL BUNYAN
JAY MATTIOLI HIGH DIVE KINGDOM LUMBERJACK

FIREWORKS JULY 3 & 4

COME FOR THE Free Shows &

CHILDREN UNDER 34” ARE
ALWAYS ADMITTED FREE! Bargains - STAY FOR THE GREAT
Food & Fun!
Everyone needs a ticket to ride the rides

PARKING: Mon–Wed: FREE

Thu–Sun: $5 | June 21: $2
Bargain Nights more bang for your buck

July 3 & 4: $5 Mon, July 1 CHEAP CHEAP NIGHT

5 PM–12 AM $5 Admission | $25 Mega Pass

Fri, July 5 EARLY BIRD SPECIAL (4:30 PM–6:30 PM**)

5 PM–12 AM $8 Admission | $32 Mega Pass

Sun, July 7 GIVEAWAY DAY/CLOSING NIGHT

OVER 150 RIDES & ATTRACTIONS 2 PM–12 AM FREE Giveaway!

VISIT The Mega Pass includes admission and an unlimited ride hand stamp

NJFAIR.COM
Not valid on live animal rides or special attractions like the Batcopter.
*Patrons who purchase a ticket at the box office will receive a complimentary “Come Back” ticket.
The ticket will be valid only for admission on June 24, 25, 27 or July 2.
**To get the Early Bird Special, patrons must purchase an admission ticket or Mega Pass before 6:30 PM. After 6:30 PM, the

FOR MORE INFO discount is not valid.

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 9

OurChildren
About

Fun Things for Kids to Do

in Israel this Summer
Taking the kids to Israel is always a wonderful thing
to do, and many families are planning to spend their
summer or part of their summer in the Holy Land.
Aileen Kirschenbaum, a Hebrew day school teacher
on Long Island, has, after many summers spent with
her family in Israel, amassed quite list of to-dos for sightseeing, experiential exploration, and more. Here’s
her children — and for yours. In this updated edition to a safe and fun trip.
of “Take Your Kids to Israel,” published by Ben Yehuda
Press, Ms. Kirschenbaum gives toddlers, older kids, Heidi Mae Bratt
and teens the right mix of modern and ancient history,

Segway tour on the Haas Promenade

Segway tours: This is run by Ir David.
Ride a Segway and get an overview of
the ancient city of Jerusalem. This is a
guided tour on the Haas Promenade.
You should be 16 years old to drive a
Segway, but sometimes they are a bit
more lenient. The tour takes about
1½-2 hours. Great for teens! This prom-
enade is also a wonderful place to see a
panoramic view of the Old City. There
is a park here for children to play.
Haas Promenade
02-561-8056
www.segway-jerusalem.co.il

Israel Museum

Israel Museum and Shrine of the Book:
The Dead Sea Scrolls are housed in a
white domelike structure in this muse-
um. The shape of the pavilion is similar
to the lids of the jars in which the Dead
Sea Scrolls were found. Next to the
shrine is the Billy Rose Sculpture Gar-
den. In the main building you will find
the interior of a 18th century synagogue
brought here intact from northern Italy,
a 19th century reconstructed German
synagogue, and a wooden 16th centu-
ry synagogue from India. There is also
a youth wing where hands-on exhibits
and workshops may interest children.
Givat Ram
11 Rupin Blvd.
02-670-8811, 02-670-8873
www.imj.org.il

Kif Tzuba: This is an indoor/outdoor visitors. Prices are greatly reduced the
amusement park for toddlers and last few hours the park is open.
school age children. There are inflat- Kibbutz Tzuba,
able castles, a train, bumper cars, a large off the Jerusalem-Tel Aviv Road
indoor play area and more. The roller 02-534-7952
coaster is great for young children. Get www.kiftzuba.co.il/
there early as they limit the number of

Aileen Kirschenbaum lives in Plainview, N.Y. with her husband, Ben. She teaches second grade
at the Hebrew Academy of Nassau County in Plainview. She spends most of her vacation time
in Israel with family and friends.

“Take Your Kids to Israel, A Guide to Family Fun in the Holy Land”
Copyright © 2019 Ben Yehuda Press. Used by permission. Kif Tzuba
10 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019
 OurChildren
About

Time to Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Denise Morrison Yearian page of your day at the park.” Although the Rowes arrive early for games, they
Whatever you do, arrive early. “Most stadiums almost always leave before the final out. “Hannah loves

O
ne of America’s favorite pastimes is attending open their gates 60 to 90 minutes prior to the game the whole ballpark ambiance, but by the seventh inning,
major and minor league baseball games. Be- start so patrons can find their seats, avoid food and she’s ready to go,” said Mr. Rowe. “I know as she gets old-
fore you and your family head to the ballpark concession lines, receive limited giveaway items, and er and learns more about the game she’ll enjoy it even
this summer, consider how to make it a more memo- watch pre-game events and batting and infield prac- more. For now she just likes watching the team play,
rable experience. tice,” said Mr. Kemple. seeing the mascots and special events, and receiving the
“If your child isn’t an avid fan of any particular That’s how Hannah landed several signature balls. giveaways. It’s what keeps her coming back for more.”
team, choose one nearby that is having a good season “We always arrive early so we can watch the team
or has several star players to keep it interesting,” said practice,” said Mr. Rowe. “It’s also the best time to get Denise Morrison Yearian is the former editor of two parent-
minor league spokesperson Chris Kemple. “Next, get the players’ autographs.” ing magazines and a mother and grandmother.
on the team’s website to see which games offer spe-
cial promotions for kids — either in giveaways, pre- or
post-game events or discounted tickets.”
That’s what Deborah Rowe does. As former minor
league team booster members, she and her husband
have always enjoyed attending baseball games. “When
our daughter came along, we wanted to give her that
same opportunity,” said the mother of her now 5-year
old. “Hannah and I sit at the computer and go over
which games have special promotions so she can pick
the ones she wants to see.”
To build excitement for attending games, play
catch with your child, watch televised games together,
and discuss fundamentals of the sport. If your child
hasn’t signed up to play in an area league, encourage
participation.
Bill Mitchell has done this. By the time William
was age 3, his father was taking him to major and more
often minor league games. “When our team wasn’t
home, we’d watch the major leagues on TV,” said Mr.
Mitchell of his 11-year-old son. “He’d ask questions
about the game and we’d discuss different players and
their positions. Now he’s a newspaper and Internet
guy. He loves to read the stats and go online to see
how different teams and players are doing.”
“Nearly all major and minor league teams have
websites with pages designed specifically for chil-
dren. Some are simple, others are more detailed,” said
Meghan Essman, major league fan development and
educational programs administrator. “The elaborate

watershed
ones teach children about the team and the sport on
their level. Some even have video clips kids can watch
and word searches, coloring pages, or wallpaper

recreation program
downloads.”
Organization-affiliated kids’ clubs are a good way
to introduce children to baseball and build enthusiasm
for attending games. For a minimal cost, kids can join
and receive discounted tickets, invitations to special
events, newsletters, a membership card and team-re-
lated sundries.
The Watershed Recreation Program is now open from April 1 to November 30, 2019.
Before leaving home, encourage your child to
dress in team attire. William does this. “He has sev-
eral team jerseys, so he’ll find out which one the team Participants can fish, walk, bird watch, hike, or simply enjoy nature. Your permit provides access
is playing in and wear his; he wears his cap too,” said to four reservoirs – Old Tappan, Oradell and Woodcliff Lake in New Jersey and Lake DeForest in
Mr. Mitchell. “When he was younger, the players called Rockland County, New York.
him the bubblegum kid because he’d tote along a con-
tainer of bubblegum and offer them some as they For an online application visit: www.SUEZWatershed.com
went onto the field. This made him feel really special.”
Some children make signs for their favorite players
to cheer them on. Others do face painting, either at
home or when they get to the park. “I suggest kids
bring along a glove in the event a foul ball heads their mysuezwater.com
way,” said Ms. Essman. “Don’t forget your camera ei-
ther. Even after the game you can make a scrapbook
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 11
OurChildren
About

Turning a ‘Bossy’ Child

into a Future Leader
Adina Soclof ways. We can teach them how to be leaders who are “Don’t worry, we will let you know when it’s your
kind to others, how to take charge while treating oth- turn to make the decision and when it is our turn to

M
any of us are dealing with a “bossy” child.
They’re the ones who want to be in charge.
They tell their friends and siblings when,
what, and how to play. They can be disrespectful to
their teachers and their parents.
The good:
Being bossy isn’t all bad. Our goal as parents is to teach
our children enough life skills so that they can manage
one day on their own and be productive members of
society. The “bossy” child already has a strong dose of
the independence they need to make it on their own.
Part of our parenting job is already done!
Instead of the word “bossy,” try using more pos-
itive terms. They are assertive, they show
leadership qualities, or they are a “take
charge” kind of person.
Changing a negative label to a
positive one is powerful. It helps
us alter the way we handle
our child and redefines our
goals. Instead of expend-
ing all our energy in
preventing our child
from being bossy, we
can focus on help-
ing our kids use
these qualities
in productive
ers with respect, and how to be assertive and stand
their ground politely.
To help our “bossy” children reach their full po-
tential, we need to help them balance their real need
for control and leadership with their ability to respect
their parents. Not only does it teach them to respect
others, but also all children, even the “bossy” ones, feel
safer and more secure when they know their parents
and the other adults in their life are really the ones
who are in control.
Teaching kids to respect authority:
We can teach our kids to respect our authority and how
to use their “bossiness” in appropriate
and kind ways.
Give children choices:
This is the perfect way to
help children who need to
be in charge. The parent
offers the choice; they are
acting with authority and
the child needs to com-
ply, but can decide how he
will comply.
When we say, “Would
you like to clean your dolls
or the Lego?” we are ac-
tually saying, “You need to
clean up, but you can be in
charge of how you do it.”
This technique is essen-
tial for all kids but impera-
tive with “bossy” children.
Here are some other
examples: Which choice of
vegetable would you like,
carrots or green beans?
Do you want to use a
booster seat or sit right on
the chair?
Would you like to pick
up 5 or 10 toys?
Run a PR campaign:
When things are quiet,
around the dinner table, in
a roundabout and indirect way,
try saying the following:
“In our family we really like
our children to practice making
their own decisions. So some of the
time we let our kids make decisions
but many times we need to make the
decisions for everyone!
make the decision.
“It is so good that children have parents to be in
charge of them, it makes children feel safe.
“Mommy’s and Daddy’s jobs are to be the boss
of children. That helps children learn to be their own
bosses when they are adults.”
You can also teach them a spiritual lesson as well,
what it means to be a benevolent “boss”:
“God is the boss over all of us. He is the best boss.
He loves us and takes such good care of us.”
Praise them for accepting authority:
It is extra difficult for these children to obey the adults
in their lives. Praising them for this can help motivate
them to continue to do this. Try the following:
“You like being in charge, but when I said that I
had to make the decision, we had to go to the super-
market before the park, you were sad but you did it
(even if he/she were poorly behaved!).
Give them lots of opportunities
to be in control:
These children can be the best helpers, if they are in
charge. Put the laundry, cooking, or the organizing
into their capable hands. Find out where their talents
lie and let them take over. We don’t want to pass
on the opportunity to teach them to be contributing
members of our household. Again, we want them to
use their character traits in positive ways. We can say,
“I need some help with the laundry. Are you available?
Would you be able to do some of it yourself, while I
peel carrots?
“It’s a good thing you are home. Is there anyway
you can help me with the cooking for Shabbos? What
would you like to be in charge of?”
Put the ball in their court:
The best way to teach children to be respectful and
kinder to others is to problem-solve with them how
they can be more respectful and kinder to others. Re-
member, they like to be in charge, even over what and
how they say things. When they are being disrespect-
ful or unkind, try the following:
“What would be a kinder way to say that?”
“Is there a more respectful way that you can ask
for that?”
Having a “bossy” kid can be challenging. Teaching
them to respect authority and kinder ways to interact
with others can go a long way in helping them become
the leaders they are meant to be.
Adina Soclof is a parent educator, professional development
instructor, and speech pathologist She is the founder of
ParentingSimply.com and available for speaking engage-
ments. Reach her at asoclof@parentingsimply.com.

12 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019


Chutzpah! The Nerve!
Slovie Jungreis-Wolff
“W
e have a problem.”
“Tell me,” I say to parents on
the line. “Our-nine-year old daugh-
ter…” I hear only silence. “Yes?” “Well, we want you to
know that she is a really special child. We don’t want
you to think badly of her. She’s usually so good. She’s
great in school, has lots of friends and her teachers
only have the best things to say about her.”
“Okay,” I respond. “So what’s the problem?”
There is an uncomfortable pause on the other end.
And then Maya’s mother begins to speak.
“She is so disrespectful; I am sometimes reduced to
tears. She erupts in anger and says mean things to us.”
Maya’s father now adds to the conversation. “Some-
times I can’t believe the behavior I’m watching. I totally
don’t understand it! She is a doll to everyone else. She
gets awards in school. Whenever she has a play date,
her friends’ parents cannot stop praising her. But here,
she can become nasty and turn this house upside down.”
It’s quite common for parents to hear glowing re-
ports about their child and yet, feel helpless at home as
they live on the receiving end of incredible disrespect.
What could be happening to cause such a drastic
change in public versus private behavior?
“Let me ask you a few questions. First, can you
describe to me some of the chutzpah and then we can
figure out if there are any triggers.”
Maya’s parents tell me about her coming home
from school each afternoon and making a big deal
about supper. She would rather eat junk food and
so she refuses to eat dinner until she consumes the
snacks that she desires. She does her homework but
after she is done, the night becomes an evening with-
out boundaries. She refuses to go to sleep at her set
bedtime. She refuses to get into pajamas and brush her
teeth when told. Usually she ends up playing on the
computer or reading until she decides it’s time to call
it a night. When told to go to sleep, Maya ignores her
parents and keeps on doing whatever it is she is in the
middle of doing. Maya calls the shots.
“This behavior can’t be allowed to continue,” I tell
Maya’s parents. “Not only is it destructive to Maya, but
her younger siblings are certainly taking this all in and
believing that this is permissible. Soon this will be a
family based on disrespect.
“We know this is bad,” they say, “but what can we
do? She just doesn’t listen.”
“You and Maya are going to sit down and have a
very serious discussion. Both of you need to be there –
no cell phones, no blackberries, no interruptions. She
needs to see that you mean business. I am going to
guide you but I want to know one more thing. When
the chutzpah occurs, what do you do?”
Maya’s father tells me that the disrespect is often
flung toward him. He tells her it’s not right to speak
this way and then she answers back that he doesn’t
know how to handle her.
“You should learn from Mommy! She knows how
to handle me.”
“What does she mean by that? What exactly does
Mommy do?” I ask.
Maya’s mom explains to me that she often cajoles
her husband to give their daughter another chance.
When Maya misbehaves or speaks disrespectfully, her
father will get upset and threaten her with a punish-
ment. Maya’s mother than asks her husband to look
away or let their daughter “just have one more cookie,”
or “five more minutes.”
Maya’s mother can’t stand dealing with the emo-
tions and conflict.
I now have my ah-ha moment. This is the info I’ve
been waiting for.
The first they need to do is to come together and
parent with one voice.
In many families, there is one parent who tries to
be the ‘nice guy’. When there is conflict this parent
wants to restore peace quickly and be surrounded by
happy faces. Usually, it becomes two against one as the
child allies with one parent against the other. But in-
OurChildren
About
stead of finding peace, the result is chutzpah and dis-
respect. The child learns that he can bring his parents
to bicker and quarrel. There is no sense of discipline.
There is no sense of respect.
The first thing I advise Maya’s parents to do is to
come together and parent with one voice. I ask them
to decide how they would like to handle the conflicts
and which behaviors would bring consequences. I ex-
plain to Maya’s mother that she is contributing to her
daughter’s disrespect every time she asks her husband
to look away or give in to bad behavior.
We set four principles of discipline to be followed
that I would like to share with you.
1. Remove unnecessary sources of conflict
Just as we remove delicate or dangerous objects from
our toddlers’ reach instead of saying “no” the whole
day, it is wise to eliminate any insignificant causes of
disagreement. Decide which situations are important
and which are not. This way, you do not feel as if your
days and nights are spent constantly quarreling.
2. Establish routines
Many conflicts occur when children do not know what
to expect or what is permissible. If we sometimes al-
low children to play ball indoors or nosh before din-
ner and other times we say “no,” we cause confusion.
Children then test our limits and push until they hear
“yes” because they know that we will give in if they
push hard enough.
3. Do not use the word ‘punishment’
A punishment connotes evil stepmothers in Disney
movies and inspires feelings of unfairness and revenge.
Instead we want to help children learn that they are
responsible for their behavior — both good and bad.
This brings us to #4.
4. Discuss privileges and natural consequences.
Explain to your child that it is a privilege to be in this
family. And it is a privilege to play on the computer,
have special time to read before bed, as well as toys to
play with, (cell phones) and nights out with the family.
If you speak disrespectfully or ignore family rules, you
obviously do not appreciate the privileges you have
been given and cause yourself natural consequences
of losing these privileges.
As the parent, you will have to think about the
natural consequences that best suit your child’s life.
This conversation should take place before any new
conflict occurs. Speak in a gentle but firm tone. Lose
the anger, which only alienates children, and speak
from your heart. Instead of giving a long rambling lec-
ture, say your points clearly and concisely. Be sure to
give your child one or two examples of the behavior
that will not be tolerated and ask him to think about a
better response that will allow you to hear his words
but without the chutzpah.
Slovie Jungreis-Wolff is a teacher and parenting coach. She is
the author of “Raising a Child with Soul,” (St. Martin’s Press),
and the daughter of the late Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis.
Aish.com
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 13
OurChildren
About
Ravi Dhamija, a medical technician with DispatchHealth, and Erin Leonard, nurse practitioner, DNP, making a house call.
The Old-Fashioned Medical
House Call Makes a Comeback
Heidi Mae Bratt medical facility. Emergency rooms have long waits, and
it’s still a trip to drive to the urgent care facility.
Y
ou’re a mother of three young children home An old-fashioned house call might just be what
alone and one child needs immediate medical the doctor ordered.
care. It’s not impossible, but not so easy to Valley Health System is partnering with a compa-
pack them all in the car and get the child to a nearby ny called DispatchHealth to deliver on-demand urgent
care to patients at home, essentially bringing back the
house call.
Come Smile with Us “Imagine being a mother of three young children
and not having to pack them all into the car for a trip
to urgent care if one of them is ill,” said Dr. Mark F.
Vogel, an emergency room physician at Valley Health
who co-directs the service with Dr. John J. McGreal.
“DispatchHealth offers our community the con-
venience of an urgent care visit in the comfort of their
homes,” said Dr. McGreal.
The service is available in northern New Jersey
from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., seven days a week, 365 days a
year, including holidays.
In order to get either a physician’s assistant or nurse
Dr Ari Frohlich practitioner to visit your home, customers can go to a
Dr Richard Gertler website, or access a free mobile app to request care. The
Dr Sami Solaimanzadeh medical team typically arrives at the patient’s home
• Almost all private insurances accepted within a few hours.
• Child friendly practice In addition to a physician assistant or nurse prac-
• Brand new state of the art facility titioner, each medical team includes a medical tech-
• Ability to see whole family simultaneously with nician. They bring with them a medical kit that has
multiple hygienists available at the same time about 70 percent of the tools and technologies found
in an emergency room, allowing the medical team to
TEANECK DENTIST perform a variety of advanced tests and treatments,
ranging from blood tests, to a 12-lead EKG, IV fluids,
We put the Care and more.
into Dental Care! DispatchHealth can treat a wide range of com-
1008 Teaneck Rd. • Teaneck mon to complex illnesses and injuries, such as uri-
201.837.3000 nary tract infections (UTI), respiratory infections,
www.teaneckdentist.com fall injuries, the flu, sutures, and more, all within a
patient’s home.
Visit us on Facebook “DispatchHealth also enables seniors to conve-
niently receive care at home, including the admin-
Convenient Morning, Evening & Sunday Hours
14 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019
istration of intravenous fluids and lab tests, and
therefore avoid trips to the emergency room,” said
Dr. McGreal.
With this partnership, Valley Health System
hopes to provide patients three months of age and
older with the opportunity to be treated for a variety
of injuries and illnesses directly in their home, allow-
ing for a more comfortable and convenient health-
care experience.
In turn, this will help reduce unnecessary emer-
gency room visits and hospitalizations, improve
clinical outcomes, and decrease costs for the overall
healthcare system.
DispatchHealth and Valley are working together
to increase accessibility to affordable care for busy
working parents and seniors, both of whom can bene-
fit from staying home for treatment. In fact, the med-
ical cost for a DispatchHealth visit is nearly one-tenth
of the medical cost for an ER visit.
“We remain committed to excellence in clinical
care, service delivery, and meeting the needs of those
in our community,” said Robert Brenner, M.D., presi-
dent of Clinical Integration and Physician Enterprise,
Valley Health System. “Our partnership with Dispatch-
Health is only one of the initiatives underway at Valley
to ensure multiple convenient ways for our patients
to access care from our organization. Our goal is to
provide the right care at the appropriate place, at an
appropriate cost and at the right time.”
To ensure continuity of care, DispatchHealth pro-
vides a detailed report to each primary care physician,
living community, or home health agency, in addition to
electronically sending prescriptions to a patient’s phar-
macy if needed.
Patients can request care by calling (201) 882-
7526, using the free DispatchHealth mobile app, or at
DispatchHealth.com.
Heidi Mae Bratt is the editor of About Our Children.
 Gallery
It’s like the Biggest Bear Hug
Fifteen NCSY Frisch High School students flew
to Puerto Rico on a mission trip run by PR4PR.
Under the leadership of Rabbi Ethan J. Katz,
national director of relief missions, they delivered
more than 150 “brand new looking” stuffed toys
from Bears from Bergenfield. The PR4PR trips are
being organized by Henry Orlinsky of Teaneck,
founder of PR4PR.

Man or Children’s Best Friend

Heimish the loving dog, who visits nursing
homes, hospitals, and senior centers, stopped
by the Leonard and Syril Rubin Nursery School
at the Kaplen JCC on the Palisades. The chil-
dren in classroom 20 were so excited to give
him the treats and doggy supplies they collect-
ed all year as part of a special mitzvah project.

Thurnauer Young People’s Chorus Wins Top Spot

The Young People’s Chorus at the Thurnauer School of Music won for best overall choir for the
third year in a row at the Music in the Parks competition, and first place superior award for a per-
formance of Gnothi Safton by Jim Papoulis and The Seal Lullaby by Eric Whitacre. The judges also
gave them a perfect score for their performance of Gnothi Safton. A younger division of the chorus
also won first place in the Excellent in the Elementary competition for their performance of Klee
Wyck by Brian Tate and Dreams of the Sleeping Birds by Amy F. Bernon.

Daughters of Miriam
residents and BCHSJS
Students from the Bergen
County High School of
Jewish Studies (BCHSJS)
are in the Jewish Volunteer
Corp class, where they learn
about the elderly. They
visited with residents of
The Daughters of Miriam
seven times this school year.
The year culminated when
BCHSJS students and their Temple Emeth Erev Shavuot Confirmation
parents joined the residents Temple Emeth in Teaneck held erev Shavuot services with participation by member
of Daughters of Miriam for a children who have completed their confirmation requirements. The five confirmands
sumptuous lunch. were blessed by Rabbi Steven Sirbu and Cantor Ellen Tilem. They were presented
with gifts, including a Chumash.

What an Accomplishment!
For the annual study competition, the students memorized
52,168 lines of text in memory of Bat Sheva Kanelsky. The
students were awarded Jewish books and other Judaic
prizes. The highlight of the event was an address by Rabbi
Mordechai Kanelsky of Bris Avrohom.

ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 15

OurChildren
About

TopChoices JULY 2019

Compiled by Heidi Mae Bratt

Up, Up and Away in My Beautiful Balloon

The QuickChek New Jersey Festival
of Ballooning, the annual treat — 37
years and counting — where you can
experience the spectacle of 100 hot
air balloons taking to the skies at the
largest summertime hot air balloon
and music festival in North America.
The premier family entertainment
attraction features 100 sports and July 26 to July 28
special shaped hot air balloons taking 6 a.m. to 10 p.m.
off twice each day, headlining con- Solberg Airport
certs, children’s entertainment and 39 Thor Solberg Road
amusement rides, fireworks, a 5K, a Readington
nighttime hot air balloon glow, and (973) 882-5464
more. Hot air balloon rides available.

Yes, Stay Too Long at the State Fair Meadowlands

Summer fair fun is underway at
MetLife Stadium with the State Fair
Meadowlands. Join the nonstop free
live entertainment, food, exhibits, shop-
ping, thrilling rides for all ages, including
the largest Kiddie Land in New Jersey.
This family-friendly event offers amaz-
ing promotions for every budget, includ-
ing Discount Days, Ride All Ride Mega
Passes and more.
Through July 7
State Fair Meadowlands
East Rutherford
For bargains, discounts, fair hours, and
more information, visit NJFair.com

STEVEN IKEGUCHI

Jack Horner’s Dino Dig at Liberty Science Center

Dig it! That’s the goal of Jack Horner’s
Dino Dig, opening June 29 at Liberty
Science Center. At this outdoor
adventure, you’re invited to become a
paleontologist by digging through 35
tons of sand to uncover more than 60
fossils — many of them replicas of those
discovered in Montana by Jack Horner, Liberty Science Center
the famed paleontologist who inspired 222 Jersey City Blvd.
Jurassic Park. In your journey, you Jersey City
might uncover T-Rex bones and teeth, (201) 200-1000
an egg nest with a baby Maiasaura, a lsc.org
6-foot-long Triceratops skull, and even a
dragonfly fossil.

July Fourth Fireworks Fly

at Celebration in Paramus
July 4th might be on Thursday but
the celebration continues with a
big fireworks display in Paramus.
The event, sponsored by Westfield
Garden State Plaza, will feature
live entertainment by the Jumping
Dragons, Raphael Valentino from
iHeartRadio/KTU, and the Paramus
Community Orchestra. Honors Sunday, July 7
given to parade contest winners, From 6 to 11 p.m.
including Mr. and Ms. 4th of July. Cliff Gennarelli Sports-Plex
Food trucks for beverages and Garden State Parkway
snacks will be available. Leave your Paramus
pets, except for service dogs, glass
containers, litter, drones, sparklers,
and fireworks at home.

16 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019


This calendar is a day-by-day schedule of events. Although all information is as timely as we can make it, it’s a good idea to call to verify details before you go. Deadline for August issue:
Monday, July 1
Video Story Time: Children age
3 and up are welcome to view old
and new favorites on the big screen.
10:30 to 11:30 a.m. No registra-
tion required. Groups welcome.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Musical Painting at the Jewish
Museum: Summer Art Mondays,
drop-in art sessions from 1 to 4 p.m.
free for children ages 3 and up. These
sessions provide families an opportu-
nity to explore the Jewish Museum’s
current exhibitions, Leonard Cohen:
A Crack in Everything and Scenes
from the Collection. Experiment
with a range of painting techniques
to create art inspired by music
playing in the studio. 1109 5th
Ave. at 92nd Street, Manhattan,
thejewishmuseum.org.
Fireworks in Fair Lawn: Fair Lawn’s
Fireworks Show takes place at
Memorial Park and will feature live
music, food vendors, and fireworks
around 9 to 9:15 p.m. Admission
required. Memorial Park, 12-00
1st St., Fair Lawn.
Tuesday, July 2
Shutter Club: Come join an amateur
photography club which meets 7 to 8
p.m. Learn a little about photography
and have a lot of fun taking photos
with new friends. For ages 10-14.
Bring your camera or a mobile phone.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Englewood July 4th Independence
Day Celebration: 10 p.m.
Independence Day Fireworks at
Dwight-Morrow High School, 274
Knickerbocker Road, Englewood.
Free.
Wednesday, July 3
Family Movie: Join a family movie
See Friday, July 26, Friday Morning
Summer Film Series
The Good Life With Kids
J U LY
on the big screen No registration
required. Children age 9 and under
must be accompanied by a caregiver.
From 2 to 4 p.m. Teaneck Public
Library, 840 Teaneck Road, Teaneck,
(201) 837-4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Thursday, July 4
Celebration in Teaneck: Fun from
10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Richard Rodda
Community Center, 250 Colonial
Court, Teaneck. (201) 837-1600,
teanecknj.gov/calendar.
Celebration in Hackensack:
Festivities will be at Foschini Park,
278 River St., Hackensack, featuring
games, kiddie rides, food vendors, and
flea market. In the evening, there will
be music by The Infernos at 7:15pm
with fireworks to follow at 9:15 p.m.
Friday, July 5
All Ages Gaming: Come in and
play fun games for all ages. Bring
the whole family. From 2 to 3 p.m.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Monday, July 8
Video Story Time: Children age
3 and up are welcome to view old
and new favorites on the big screen.
10:30 to 11:30 a.m. No registra-
tion required. Groups welcome.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Whimsical Stringed Instrument at
The Jewish Museum: Summer Art
Mondays, drop-in art sessions from 1
to 4 p.m. free for children ages 3 and
up. Use a variety of unique materials
to design stringed instruments draw-
ing on works in Leonard Cohen: A
Crack in Everything and Scenes from
the Collection. 1109 Fifth Ave at 92nd
Street, Manhattan, .
Wednesday, July 10
Tinker Camp Solar S’Mores: Join us
for hands on STEM learning projects
and fun this summer at our first ever
Tinker Camp. This session will meet
in the Children’s Reading Garden,
weather-permitting. Ages 5-9. From
5 to 6 p.m. Teaneck Public Library,
840 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, (201)
837-4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Thursday, July 11
Teaneck Library at the Farmer’s
Market: Stop in to say hello from 1
to 3 p.m. and get more information
about our services or upcoming
programming, do a simple craft or
join us for an outdoor storytime at 2
p.m. Weather-permitting. Please call
ahead for confirmation. (201) 837-
4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Young People’s Concert at The
Jewish Museum: Bang on a Can
and the Jewish Museum’s 2019-
2020 concert season, pairing
innovative music with the muse-
um’s exhibitions, at 7:30 p.m. The
Young People’s Chorus of New York
City (YPC), founded and directed
by Francisco J. Núñez, perform a
concert that will include songs and
poems by Leonard Cohen and others,
coinciding with the Jewish Museum’s
exhibition, Leonard Cohen: A Crack
in Everything. Tickets (212) 423-
3337. The Jewish Museum is located
at Fifth Avenue and 92nd Street.
Friday, July 12
All Ages Gaming: Come in and
play fun games for all ages. Bring
the whole family. From 2 to 3 p.m.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Monday, July 15
Video Story Time: Children age
3 and up are welcome to view old
and new favorites on the big screen.
10:30 to 11:30 a.m. No registra-
tion required. Groups welcome.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Line Portrait Print at The Jewish
Museum: Summer Art Mondays,
drop-in art sessions from 1 to 4
p.m. free for children ages 3 and
up. Explore line drawing to cre-
ate portraits inspired by Leonard
Cohen’s self-portraits, and then use
relief-printing techniques to make
multiples in a variety of colors. 1109
Fifth Ave. at 92nd Street, Manhattan,
thejewishmuseum.org.
Tuesday, July 16
Shutter Club: Come join an amateur
photography club which meets 7 to 8
p.m. Learn a little about photography
and have a lot of fun taking photos
with new friends. For ages 10-14.
Bring your camera or a mobile phone.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Wednesday, July 17
Tinker Camp Lava Lamps: Join us
for hands on STEM learning projects
and fun this summer at our first ever
Tinker Camp. This session will meet
in the Children’s Reading Garden,
weather-permitting. Ages 5-9. From
5 to 6 p.m. Teaneck Public Library,
840 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, (201)
837-4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Thursday, July 18
Teaneck Library at the Farmer’s
Market: Stop in to say hello from 1
to 3 p.m. and get more information
about our services or upcoming
programming, do a simple craft or
join us for an outdoor storytime at 2
p.m. Weather-permitting. Please call
To Add Your Event
to Our Calendar
See Friday, July 19, Friday Morning
Summer Film Series
ahead for confirmation. (201) 837-
4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Thursday, July 18
Becoming Astrid: Pippi
Longstocking, the spunky young girl
who embarks on a series of hilarious
escapades, was the creation of Astrid
Lindgren, one of the most translated
children’s book authors. “Becoming
Astrid” is a film that explores Astrid’s
struggles as a young, unwed mother
and how she eventually emerged
with a courage that forms the basis
of her enduring body of work. At
7:30 p.m. JCC on the Palisades, 411
E. Clinton Ave., Tenafly. (201) 408-
1496, jccotp.org/films
Friday, July 19
Friday Morning Summer Film
Series: Never-before-seen foot-
age and audio recordings take you
straight into the heart of NASA’s
most celebrated mission as astro-
nauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz
Aldrin embark on a historic trip with
Apollo 11 to the moon. 10 to 11 a.m.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Monday, July 22
Video Story Time: Children age 3 and
up are welcome to view old and new
favorites on the big screen. 10:30 to
11:30 a.m. No registration required.
Groups welcome. Teaneck Public
Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201)
837-4171, teanecklibrary.
org.
Collaged Storybook at
The Jewish Museum:
Summer Art Mondays,
drop-in art sessions
from 1 to 4 p.m. free for
children ages 3 and up.
Illustrate stories using
colorful textured papers
within the pages of an
accordion book. 1109
Fifth Ave. at 92nd Street,
973-661-9368
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019
Send it to:
Calendar Editor
About Our Children
New Jersey/Rockland Jewish Media Group
1086 Teaneck Road
Teaneck, NJ 07666 AboutOC@aol.com
or fax it to: (201) 833-4959
published July 26, Tuesday, July 16
Manhattan, thejewishmuseum.org.
Tuesday, July 23
Shutter Club: Come join an amateur
photography club which meets 7 to 8
p.m. Learn a little about photography
and have a lot of fun taking photos
with new friends. For ages 10-14.
Bring your camera or a mobile phone.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Wednesday, July 24
Tinker Camp Paddle Boats: Join us
for hands on STEM learning projects
and fun this summer at our first ever
Tinker Camp. This session will meet
in the Children’s Reading Garden,
weather-permitting. Ages 5-9. From
5 to 6 p.m. Teaneck Public Library,
840 Teaneck Road, Teaneck, (201)
837-4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Thursday, July 25
Teaneck Library at the Farmer’s
Market: Stop in to say hello from 1
to 3 p.m. and get more information
about our services or upcoming
programming, do a simple craft or
join us for an outdoor storytime at 2
p.m. Weather-permitting. Please call
ahead for confirmation. (201) 837-
4171, teanecklibrary.org.
Friday, July 26
Friday Morning Summer Film
Series: Pick of the Litter. Five spir-
ited Labrador puppies embark on
an incredible journey to become
guide dogs for the blind. 10 to 11 a.m.
Teaneck Public Library, 840 Teaneck
Road, Teaneck, (201) 837-4171,
teanecklibrary.org.
Monday, July 29
Music Inspired Sculpture at The
Jewish Museum: Summer Art
Mondays, drop-in art sessions from 1
to 4 p.m. free for children ages 3 and
up. Create found object sculpture
inspired by musical instruments and
works on view in Leonard Cohen: A
Crack in Everything. 1109 Fifth Ave.
at 92nd Street, Manhattan, www.
thejewishmuseum.org.
17
OurChildren
About

Simchas
Mazal tov to all the honorees and graduates

Seventh graders who graduated of the JCC of Paramus/Congregation Beth Tikvah Hebrew
National Council of Jewish Women Bergen County Section scholarship recipients, from left, school participated in Kabbalat Shabbat services as part of their ceremony. From left, Cantor
Brianna Leopold (River Dell Regional High School), Emily Matteson (Tenafly High School), Sam Weiss and graduates Josh Rovinsky, David Sobelman, Ellis Tritter, and Sophia Lesser.
Gwenyth Gorfin (Cresskill High School), Julia Holzsager (Fair Lawn High School), Remy Marcia Kagedan, school director, and Rabbi Arthur Weiner are at right.
Goldberg (Bergen County Academies), and Camryn Monfried, Shayna Salomon, and Danielle
Mimeles, all of Northern Valley Regional High School at Old Tappan; with NCAOCBCS com-
mittee, Peggy Kabakow, Evalyn Brownstein, Elizabeth Warms, Grace Fuld, Nanette Matlick,
Phyllis Grossman-Kaplan, and Henrietta Wolfeiler. NCJW BCS

National Council of Jewish Women Emily Matteson (Cornell University)

Bergen County Section awarded eight Kabakow Family Fund scholarship;
high school seniors a $1,000 scholar- Shayna Salomon (Elon University) and
ship. They were chosen based on their Julia Holzsager (Rutgers), the Marjorie
academic records, in recognition of G. Aerenson Memorial scholarships;
their school and community leadership Remy Goldberg (Carnegie Mellon Uni-
accomplishments, and commitment to versity), Wolfeiler-Simon scholarship;
Jewish values. Danielle Mimeles (Cornell University)
Brianna Leopold (Lafayette Col- and Gwenyth Gorfin (Wake Forest Uni-
lege) received the Marilyn Taffet Me- versity), the National Council of Jewish
morial scholarship; Camryn Manfried Women scholarships.
On June 13, the Tenafly Chabad Academy graduated its second eighth-grade class. Each of
(Syracuse University), Bach scholarship; the ten graduates spoke in front of their families, friends, rabbis, teachers, administrators, and
board members. Orite Rubenstein, Judaic Studies principal, presided, and guests included
The Howard and Joshua Tenafly Mayor Peter Rustin. Rabbi Mordechai Shain, the school’s founder and executive direc-
Herman Educational tor, gave awards and books to the graduates; the parent association gave each a personalized
Center of the Fair gift. Speakers included Meital Teitelman, general studies principal, and Michael Young, TCA
Lawn Jewish Center/ president. Artwork created by the graduates under the guidance of Estyn Becker was dis-
Congregation Bnai Israel played. Graduates will be attending the Frisch School, the Idea School, Ma’ayanot, MTA, the
held its annual gradua- Ramaz School, and Teaneck High School. COURTESY TCA
tion ceremony on May
28. Graduates Abraham
Ansonoff, Sasha Gold, Kyle
Ludzki, Jonathan Murray,
Jacob Reiffe, Brooke
Snyder, and Jenna Walker
were honored. Rabbi
Keven Friedman partici-
pated. Faculty and student volunteers were recognized for their contributions to the program,
including high school senior Max Garfinkel, who received the school’s first-ever award, and will
attend the University of Maryland School of Business.

Rabbi Arthur Weiner

of the JCC of Paramus/
Congregation Beth
Tikvah and Marcia
Kagedan, its religious
school director, treated
the shul’s graduating Back row, from left, Emily Arams, Tenafly High School, attending University of Maryland
high school seniors - College Park; Dannah VanPraagh, River Dell High School, attending Lehigh University;
to dinner at Noah’s Danielle Norr, River Dell High School, attending Stockton University; Michael Brestin,
Ark restaurant in Palisades Park High School, attending Rutgers Business School; Cantor Ellen Tilem; Dylan
Teaneck. Three of their Rodriguez, Bergen Arts and Science Charter High School in Hackensack, attending Kean
Hebrew school teach- University; Thomas Wertheimer, Parsippany High School, attending College of Costal Georgia,
ers, Stu Lehrer, Ellen and Rabbi Steven Sirbu. CARLA SILVER
Azizollahoff, and Beth
Held joined the celebra- Teaneck’s Temple Emeth honored its will keep the college-bound students
tion. Students received
a candy jar — to remind graduates with special recognition in touch with shul activities. The Tem-
them that studying Torah, and living a Jewish life is sweet. Rabbi Weiner and Mrs. Kagedan during a Shabbat family service on ple Emeth Shir Chadash Teen Choir
also included cards with their contact information for the students to reach out to them in June 7. A college student committee participated.
the future.

18 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019


BCHSJS Honors Graduates, Welcomes New Class
The Bergen County High School of
Jewish Studies recently held closing
exercises where students received
awards after being recommended by
at least four of their six teachers.
Eighth-grade awardees were
Gabrielle Brayman, Jake Cohen,
Josh Fishman, Ethan Holden, Sienna
Lipke, Madel yn Sc hmidt , Dina
Shlufman, and Lillian Simhon
Ninth graders were Ariel le
Fronimos, Hayley Leopold, Gabriel
Lipschitz, and Emma Wiser. Tenth-
grade honorees were Ori Ben Yossef,
Olivia Brown, Laurence Fine, Molli
Gordon, and Jillian Heit; and 11th-
grade awardees were Allison Kramer,
Sam Pitchkhadze, Abby Stern, and
Harry Winick.
Seniors received their awards at
graduation — this year’s ceremony
was at the JCC of Paramus/Congre-
gation Beth Tikvah. Elisabeth Bloom,
Eila Brown, Itai Epstein, Matthew
B’nai mitzvah
ELI BRAFF
Eli Braff, son of Stacey and Nelson Braff
and brother of Samantha, celebrated
becoming a bar mitzvah on June 8 at
Congregation Beth Sholom in Teaneck.
SARAH FORMAN
Sarah Forman, daughter of Sandra and
Edward Forman of Woodcliff Lake, and
sister of Jeremy, celebrated becoming a
bat mitzvah on June 1 at Temple Emanuel
of the Pascack Valley in Woodcliff Lake.
Bidding Bye-Bye to Summertime Dry Skin
Need a summertime remedy for your
child’s dry skin from too much sun or
too much chlorine or salt water? A new
product from an old company (read
tried and true and traditional) can
smooth skin, especially feet and cracked
Fishman, Sabrina Fried Miri Goodman,
Dasi Grimaldi, Julia Holzsager, Eden
Kaufman, Abraham Koretski, David
Kosiborod, Jenny Kuriloff, Brianna
Leopold, Wil liam Milun, Aliza
Novogroder, Michael Orman, Abigail
Pomeranz, Andrew Shamis, Annabelle
Simhon, Zachary Sobelman, Leo
Strizhevsky, and Joshua Unger gradu-
ated. The Senior Academic Award for
five years of excellence in studies was
given to Sabrina Fried, Miri Goodman,
and Julia Holzsager. Brianna Leopold
and Julia Holzsager earned the
Service Award.
Registration continues
for the fall semester
Registration is ongoing for the fall
semester at the Bergen County High
School of Jewish Studies (BCHSJS),
a regional Hebrew high school for
eighth to 12th graders. Classes are
held on Sundays. Classes include eth-
ALEXANDER GOLDFARB
Alexander Goldfarb, son of Alyson Yashar
and James Goldfarb of Saddle River, cele-
brated becoming a bar mitzvah on June 1
at Temple Israel & JCC in Ridgewood.
REBECCA GOMEZ
Rebecca Gomez, daughter of Tammy
Hecht of Bergenfield, sister of Joshua,
and granddaughter of Pauline and Stan
Hecht of Bergenfield, celebrated becom-
ing a bat mitzvah on June 22 at Temple
Emeth in Teaneck.
DANIEL JAKAB
Daniel Jakab, son of Nicole and Spencer
of Closter, celebrated becoming a bar
mitzvah on June 8 at Temple Beth El of
Northern Valley in Closter.
heels with Arm & Hammer Foot Care
Moisturizer Plus Gentle Exfoliators. The
cream has AHA exfoliators and deep-
ly hydrating coconut oil that work to-
gether to smooth out the tootsies and
hands. An easy-to-use no-touch sani-
OurChildren
About
Students at Bergen County High School of Jewish Studies.
ics, current events, Bible, Jewish phi- with threats to Israel and Jews or
losophy, Israel, contemporary issues just hang out at the bagel break be-
and many more options. Students tween classes.
will have the opportunity to make To register, go to www.bchsjs.org
Jewish friends from towns through- and click on “To register for Fall 2019”
out Bergen County, go on trips, do to download an application, or call
volunteer work, learn how to deal (201) 488-0834.
LIEV WOLIN
Liev Wolin, son of Chava and Matthew
Wolin and brother of Caleb and Juliet,
celebrated becoming a bar mitzvah on
June 15 at Congregation Beth Sholom
in Teaneck.
REBECCA LASH
Rebecca Shira Lash of Fredonia, N.Y,
daughter of Natalie Gerber and Robert
Lash, and sister of Micaela Sasah Lash,
celebrated becoming a bat mitzvah on
April 13 at the Glen Rock Jewish Center.
She is the granddaughter of Rochelle and
Irving Gerber of Fair Lawn. ZACHARY WOLPOV
Zachary Wolpov, son of Dawn
Lazarus-Wolpov and Robert Wolpov of
ELINOR WIESELBERG Woodcliff Lake, and brother of Dylan
Elinor Wieselberg, daughter of Ziva and Carson, celebrated becoming a bar
Davidovich and Leeor Wieselberg of Fair mitzvah on June 15 at Temple Emanuel of
Lawn, celebrated becoming a bar mitzvah the Pascack Valley in Woodcliff Lake.
on June 15 at Temple Israel & JCC
in Ridgewood.
tary massaging brush also allows for a
quick, easy, and mess-free application.
Not only is it simple to use and easy to
apply to skin on heels and feet; it’s non-
greasy formula won’t leave any residue.
That’s a good summertime remedy.
ABOUT OUR CHILDREN • JULY 2019 19

Shelach Lecha: Seeing is believing … or is it?
T
here is a famous Primo Levi story that tells
the story of Timoteo, a man who was a mir-
ror maker like his father and grandfather
before him. By day, he made regular, ordi-
nary mirrors — those that reflect the truthful image of
the world. And by night, he made all different types of
mirrors that distorted what was reflected back. Among
the cadre of mirrors that he developed was the met-
amir, the most interesting and most ambitious mirror of
his collection. This mirror reproduces the image as it is
seen by the person who stands before you.
Testing out the mirror, Timoteo first stood next to a
wall. As he looked into the mirror, he saw an already
balding thirty-year-old with a witty, dreamy, slightly
neglected air. Next, he brought the mirror to a woman
whom he had been pursuing. He looked into the mirror,
in her presence, and saw he was bald, his lips hung half
open in a foolish smirk that revealed his rotten teeth and
his expression was the opposite of dreamy. He continued
testing out the mirror, including with his mother. And
again, in her presence, a completely different image was
reflected back to Timoteo than he had seen before. Each
time he brought the mirror to someone else, the image
changed, based on how they saw him.
What an incredible opportunity this mirror provided!
One could see oneself according to how others see him.
And yet, no one wanted to buy this mirror. The story
ends with Timoteo unable to sell his innovative mirror,
and thus returning to the pursuit of creating mirrors
that reflected the truthful image of the world.
Which mirror would you choose: the ordinary
Tour de Simcha
FROM PAGE 6
From the time he was diagnosed 18 months earlier,
Chai Lifeline provided hospital visits to Evan and was
there for his parents, Andrew and Margaret, and his
siblings, Max and Zoey. After Evan’s death, Mr. and
Mrs. Levy established the Evan Levy Fund at Chai
Lifeline to provide financial assistance for families in
medical crisis.
Tova Gerson of Bergenfield, Evan’s preschool
teacher at Lubavitch on the Palisades in Tenafly,
signed up for Tour de Simcha in 2015, the year Evan
was diagnosed.
“The first year I did it was really motivated by
Evan,” she said. “Chai Lifeline is so huge that it’s hard
to see the everyday picture of how it helps people.
You want to know that your tzedakah dollars are
going to help people. Seeing how they helped the
Levys, I felt I had to be part of it.”
Ms. Gerson, the mother of four children, from 8
to 16 years old, went on to form Team Evan on Tour
de Simcha. This year, the six-member team is the top
fundraiser both in the total dollar amount raised (more
than $122,000 as of June 20) and in the average dollar
amount raised per team member (more than $17,000).
For the first time, Evan’s mother and his aunt,
D’var Torah
reality reflecting mirror or the mirror that
reflects your image as perceived by your
nearest companion?
In our parashah this week, parashat
Shelach Lecha, the spies choose the met-
amir, and chaos ensues as a result. As the
Israelites are preparing for the final leg of
their journey toward the Promised Land,
twelve spies are sent to “scout out” the
land. The spies had specific questions Rabbi Loren
they were to answer upon their return: Monosov
Are the people who dwell there strong Temple Emanuel of
or weak? Few or many? Is the country in the Pascack Valley,
Woodcliff Lake,
which they dwell good or bad? Are the
Conservative
towns they live in open or fortified? and so
forth (Bamidbar 13: 18-20). Yet, the report
that ten of the twelve spies delivered went
beyond what they were asked and included how the
spies perceived themselves amid the inhabitants of the
land. The spies cry out “we saw the Nephilim there
… and we looked like grasshoppers to ourselves, and
so we must have looked to them.” (Bamidbar 13:33).
Upon hearing this news, chaos broke out in the camp.
There was pandemonium as the Israelites declared that
they would have been better off returning to Egypt than
going forward to conquer the land.
And yet, what caused such an outcry? Not any state-
ment on behalf of the inhabitants of the land, but rather
the spies’ perception of how they were seen by others.
And thus reveals the greatest downfall of the ten spies;
a failure to look in the mirror and see themselves for
Emily Lichtman, will be participating in the ride
on July 16. That’s two days before Evan would have
turned 8.
“Tova Gerson had asked us before, but we weren’t
emotionally ready,” Ms. Lichtman said. “This year, my
sister was ready, so I would have done it whether I
was ready or not. And I’m very excited. It’s the first
time I’ve been on a bike in about 20 years.”
Ms. Lichtman, mother of a 9-year-old daughter, a
6-year-old son, and a 22-month-old son, said that she
and Ms. Levy bought bikes and gear, raised $90,000 in
pledges in just two weeks, and started training together.
“The first two times we rode three or four miles,” she
said. “We’re up to 32 miles now. I am happy to ride by
my sister’s side, raising money for this organization that
provides critical support to families in need.”
The sisters, who live just half a mile from each
other, also signed up for the 50-mile Wheels-for-Meals
Ride to Fight Hunger on June 23 to benefit the Jewish
Family and Children’s Services of Northern New Jer-
sey’s nutrition program.
“It’s for a good cause and we can get some training
in,” Ms. Lichtman said. “The riding is exhausting, but
it’s a bonding experience for us, and it’s exhilarating.”
Ms. Gerson said that before her first ride she wasn’t
sure she would finish. “But I felt like you don’t know
what you can do until you try,” she said. “It gave me
who they truly are and believe in them-
selves. In truth, as the Israelite narrative
goes on, we learn that other nations are
intimidated by the Israelites and perceive
them as a strong, mighty, unconquerable
people.
We, like the spies, get caught up in
moments of anxiety and fear, and see
ourselves as we think others see us. We
take out the proverbial metamir, and
imagine how those in our company see
us — and focus on the imperfections we
imagine they see and allow our insecuri-
ties to take root.
What if the spies had seen themselves
for who they were — members of a great
and mighty nation, a nation that was
armed with God’s promise of a successful end to the
journey? What if they saw the others before them as
grasshoppers and themselves as giants? They might not
have missed out on the beauty and wonder of entering
into the Promised Land.
What do we miss out on, when we get stuck looking
through the metamir and forget to see ourselves for who
we truly are? What might happen if we stop worrying
about how others see us and we focus on how we see
ourselves ... and work on seeing ourselves even better?
Perhaps that is why the metamir never took root …
but mirrors will never go out of style. Take a look in
the mirror; it might just give you the push you need to
reach your dreams and enter your own Promised Land.
a new appreciation of what women can accomplish
together. The difference between one rider and one
hundred is phenomenal.”
Ms. Tyner, the director of Tour de Simcha, agreed.
“It’s so empowering to see how strong these women
are,” she said. “They are making a big impact on the
organization.”
The local contingent in Tour de Simcha includes
10 riders from Teaneck, two from Bergenfield, three
from Englewood, one from Tenafly, and 17 from Rock-
land County.
Riding in the July heat is never easy.
“You pray for overcast but not rainy weather,” Ms.
Gerson said. “Last year, the heat was off the charts
and pushed a lot of people off the road. The last five-
mile stretch is very exposed, and the concrete is very
dark so it absorbs heat. You can feel it rising up to
your waist.”
But she made it the whole distance, as she’s done
each year. Her secret weapon: “I made sure to drink
a ton and at every rest stop filled my jersey with ice.”
As they enter camp, the cyclists are greeted by
campers, many using wheelchairs or respirators; as
well as hundreds of cheering staff members.
Supporters can contribute to Tour de Simcha at
www.tourdesimcha.org. All donations are 100 per-
cent tax-deductible.
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 29
Kosher Crossword
“DASTARDLY DUOS”
BY: YONI GLATT, KOSHERCROSSWORDS@GMAIL.COM
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: CHALLENGING
Across
1. Pen pal?
6. Mezuzah parchment
10. See 13-Down
14. Scent, to Brits
15. “General Hospital” Emmy winner
Sofer
16. This-and-that mixture
17. Would be assassins
20. Future examiner
21. “Fine”
22. Baseball’s Al, nicknamed “the
Hebrew Hammer”
23. The Emerald Isle, to natives
25. Washington ___ (NYC neighbor-
hood)
26. Wicked rulers
33. Lewis Carroll heroine
34. Suffix with front or cloth
35. “L’___ del Cairo” (Mozart opera)
36. Wilderness rebels
41. Wheel of Fortune buy
42. Ofakim to Hebron dir.
43. Make ___ for
44. Genocide plotters
49. Stick in the water
50. Early name for Nisan
51. Shabbat that falls before or on Tu
B’Shvat
54. Gershon of “Red Oaks”
56. Ancient Dead Sea kingdom
60. Alternative title for this puzzle
63. He thrice directed Marlon
64. Exodus locale
65. Seymour Skinner’s mother
66. Word with pit or pool
67. One represented a brother of
Joseph, in his dream
68. Winter Palace rulers
The solution to last week’s
puzzle is on page 36.
30 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019
The Frazzled Housewife
Packing the trunk
BANJI GANCHROW
I
was walking the other day and
someone stopped me and asked
what I was going to write about
now that son #3 has graduated
high school. Truth is, now that he is
off to Israel, I won’t have the steady
stream of boys coming in and out of my
house, the endless linens that need to
be changed, the replenishing of water
bottles and various snack foods.
I won’t have any more stories about
the adventure of only having boys. Wait, a roll of like five thousand Ganchrows.
there will still be adventures, but they That first year I was ironing them on
won’t be as ridiculous. Like the time
when one of my sons, who will remain
nameless for shidduch reasons, let his
friend’s girlfriend sleep at our house
even though I told him that she couldn’t eral.) When I went to sleep-away camp,
stay over. (The friend also
will remain nameless for
shidduch reasons.)
Bright and early the
next morning, I come
downstairs to start pre-
paring breakfast for my
Down
1. Tabs on key rings houseguests, and out of
2. Actress Falco the corner of my eye, I
3. Opera-house section see a girl run out of the
4. Chabad work room. I quickly go into the Banji
5. Influential lobby group
6. Its release is jokingly called for, at
family room and I see her Ganchrow
dart into the living room…
times
7. Horne of the blues Needless to say, I totally
8. Murray who won gold in London lost it, and his friends were so scared
9. It’s OK on the Atkins diet of me that they brought me flowers to
10. Gloom-filled try to make it better. (I might have just etc. etc. etc. As the summers went on,
11. Samuel Adams outputs combined two stories, but it has been a
12. Get up
long week.)
13. Jewish 1991 Grammy winner, with
10-Across Anyway, I am still very grateful and
18. “Neither a borrower, ___ lender be” surprised that people read and enjoy
19. Eagle Zach my column, so I will try to keep up
24. “Should ___...”, pondering words the stories, the observations, and the
to a career counselor chuckles.
25. Juno’s Greek equivalent
Here we go.
26. Honey Boo Boo’s real name
27. What to do where it hurts? Packing for camp.
28. Had supper I look back to the first summer when
29. Bartlet or Clampett of TV the boys went to sleep-away camp. The
30. Major baseball agent list of items comes in the mail a good
31. Bitcoins and such three weeks before the departure date
32. Not very cool
and it becomes the most looked-at
33. A wife of Esau
37. In the neighborhood piece of paper in the house. Inevitably, socks and boxers), and quite honestly
38. “Barbara” of song it gets misplaced, and you end up call-
39. Leader into cose and able ing someone for a copy, but I digress.
40. They sound like cold Jews I always questioned some items, both
45. Arterial ducts the quantity and the actual item itself. ing all of his items up in garbage bags.
46. Tandoori bread
Who packs actual rain boots for camp?
47. Comparatively kooky
48. “Israel Through My Eyes” author I could see a girl bringing them — you
51. An article may be written on it know, cute ones, with hearts or polka
52. Fit and healthy dots on them. A total fashion statement.
53. Light regulator The boots probably complement the
54. Fortitude coat, but boys? Rain boots? Seriously?
55. She married Sacha
I would consider myself lucky if I knew
57. Simeon and Levi avenged her
58. Hebrew unit of measure that my boys definitely would wear a
rain coat in inclement weather. Rain
59. “Don’t ___!”
61. U.S. Navy officer boots are an entirely different animal.
62. Tabby or tom And the quantity of socks and
underwear. What formula do they use
for that? Does the camp director leave his
child home alone for a few weeks, come
back, see how many pairs of socks and
underwear are in the laundry, I mean
on the floor, and then multiply it by 20?
Some people say that there are enough of
each to make it through two weeks with-
out doing laundry. Is that because they
only do laundry every two weeks?
And labeling everything. I still remem-
ber asking my sister-in-law where to get
iron-on labels for the clothes. It came in
everything I could get my hands on,
because my boys weren’t going to lose
one item of clothing. (They actually
did not lose one item, they lost sev-
and I still shudder at the
thought of that very hor-
rible month in August of
1984, my mother sewed
labels on everything. I
guess iron-on technology
was not yet available.
So every year, around
the same time, I would
go down to the laundry
room and find the mesh
bags, one for socks and
one for boxers. I would
find all the pillowcases,
all the sheets, the three comforters, a
sleeping bag, pillows, shower caddy,
one son went to Israel, one son was a
counselor, then a division head, then
some of them were no longer going to
camp, and now we are at the summer
of 2019.
Is it different sending only one son to
camp as a counselor? Yes. Why? Well,
gone is the roll of iron-on labels. (I actu-
ally have no idea where it is.) if he wants
something labeled, I take a sharpie and
write the letter “G” on it. Most of the
mesh bags have disappeared, so under-
wear and boxers will go into one bag (I
hope #3 can tell the difference between
and most important of all, I have abso-
lutely no idea where the actual trunks
are. It is quite possible that I will be send-
It is also quite possible that I will pack
myself into one of those garbage bags,
because I am not ready to let him go.
But that is for another column.
Banji Ganchrow of Teaneck is now sitting
in traffic, coming home from a beautiful
simcha in Long Island. She is secretly
hoping that her car will turn into Chitty
Chitty Bang Bang and fly the rest of the
way home.
The Russell Berrie Foundation mourns the passing of our dear Trustee Emeritus,
Norman Seiden, z”l

It was our great honor to share in the important work that Norman so clearly
valued and cherished, both here in Northern New Jersey and in Israel

We extend our sympathies to the entire Seiden family

Angelica Berrie
Scott Berrie
Ilan Kaufthal
David Rosenblatt
Myron Rosner
Stephen Seiden

Ruth Salzman Binny Shalev

Susan Coke Naomi Shank
Naomi Feiner Kaarin Varon
Idana Goldberg Joann Tortorici
Amit Granek Marianne Viaud
Adam Hirsch Cheryl Wilbur
Susana Saitta Ady Yariv

JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 31

Calendar
coffee. 194 Ratzer
Friday  The Valley JUNE Road. (973) 694-6274
or Jewishwayne.com.
JUNE 28 Chabad
Shabbat in Mahwah:
Temple Beth Haverim
Academy
of Jewish 28-29 Singles
Shir Shalom holds its Studies marks the 25th
second annual Pride
Shabbat service,
yahrzeit of Rabbi Menachem Sunday 
“Sanctuary For All,” Mendel Shneerson z”l with a JUNE 30
dedicated to the Shabbaton at Valley Chabad
LGBTQ+ community, in Woodcliff Lake, led by Dr. Dance in Clifton:
7:30 p.m. Oneg North Jersey Jewish
Shabbat follows. Binyomin Abrams, Boston Singles 40s-60s, a
280 Ramapo Valley University’s newly appointed group sponsored by
Road. (201) 512-1983 or
bethhaverimshirshalom.
director of general chemistry. the Clifton Jewish
Center, hosts a dance
org. His humorous and thought- with DJ entertainment,
provoking talks blend Torah refreshments, and
Sunday  concepts with modern a short lesson on
Israeli folk dancing,
JUNE 30 scientific principles. On Friday 6:30- 9:30 p.m. 18

COURTESY BOSTON UNIVERSITY

night, Dr. Abrams will discuss Delaware St. Martine,
Garage sale in New being raised in a non-observant (973) 772-3131 or
City: The Nanuet meetup.com.
Hebrew Center has family and what led him to
a multifamily garage become a Torah-observant Jew Sunday 
sale, rain or shine,
9 a.m.-4 p.m. Rent a
in a professional setting. On JULY 7
space for $25; rent Saturday morning, he will talk
a table for $5. Also about the journey of scientific Seniors meet in West
July 28 and August Nyack: Singles 65+
18. 411 South Little Tor
and Torah exploration that Dr. Binyomin Abrams meets for a social
Road, off Palisades bridged the gap between two bagels and lox brunch
Interstate Parkway, conflicting worlds, dealing with fundamental questions of science and at the JCC Rockland,
exit 10, New City, N.Y. 11 a.m. All are welcome,
(845) 708-9181 or
faith. Valleychabad.org or (201) 476-0157. particularly from
nanuethc.org. Hudson, Passaic,
Bergen, or Rockland
Broadway in New ohel (gravesite). counties. 450 West
City: The New Tuesday  Buses leave from
LOTP, 11 Harold St.,
Friday  Wednesday  Nyack Road. Gene, by
City Jewish Center July 4, (845) 356-5525.
presents “Broadway
JULY 2 6 p.m. Reservations, JULY 5 JULY 10
Sings America,” a (201) 871-1152 or
performance by Chabadlubavitch.org. Shabbat in Tenafly: Book discussion
congregant Nancy Lubavitch on the in New City: The
Feldman and the
Wednesday 
Palisades in Tenafly
commemorates the
Nanuet Hebrew
Center sisterhood
Announce
award-winning Bergen
County Players, a JULY 3 25th yahrzeit of the meets to discuss your
Lubavitcher rebbe, “The Blue Zone”
repertory company
based in Oradell, Reducing stress and Rabbi Menachem by Andrew Gross, events
2 p.m.; doors open at anxiety in West Mendel Schneerson, 12:30 p.m. 411 South We welcome announce-
1:30. It’s a celebration Nyack: Rockland (Gimmel Tammuz), Little Tor Road, off ments of upcoming events.
of Independence Day Jewish Family Service with a service, Exit 10 of the Palisades Announcements are free.
and includes classics offers mindfulness 6:30 p.m., dinner, Parkway, New City, Accompanying photos
Rabbi Menachem 7:30, and 10-minute N.Y. (845) 708-9181 or must be high resolution,
from the American and meditation and
Mendel Shneerson z”l inspirational talks nanuethc.org. jpg files. Send announce-
musical theater other techniques that
songbook. Dessert work to reduce stress by rabbis-in- ments 2 to 3 weeks in ad-
Ohel trip: Lubavitch residence. Children’s Film in Wayne: The vance. Not every release
reception follows. on the Palisades in and anxiety, led by
program during the Chabad Center of will be published. Include
47 Old Schoolhouse Tenafly commemorates Carol King, on the first
lecture. 11 Harold Passaic County screens a daytime telephone
Road, New City, N.Y. the 25th yahrzeit Wednesday of the
St. Reservations, the Israeli drama number and send to:
(845) 638-9600 or of the Lubavitcher month at the Jewish
(201) 871-1152 or “Shelter,” produced by
NewCityJC.org. rebbe, Rabbi Community Campus, beth@
Chabadlubavitch.org/ Eran Riklis and starring
Menachem Mendel 11 a.m. 450 West Nyack jewishmediagroup.com
shabbaton. Neta Riskin of the
Schneerson, with a Road, West Nyack, N.Y. 201-837-8818 ext. 110
Netflix series “Shtisel,”
trip to the rebbe’s (845) 354-2121, ext.142.
7:30 p.m. Dessert and

32 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

 Calendar

Two sites feature

summer learning
Beginning Tuesday, July 9, at 2
p.m., Congregation Sons of
Israel in Nyack will hold three
free summer lecture programs.
The “Yiddish Culture Club”
series meets on Tuesdays; “What
Being Jewish Means to Me” meets
on Wednesdays; “Jewish Roots of Esther Cember
Early Christianity” meets Thurs-
days. The three series, led by education coordinator
Esther Cember, continue through August 30. For
more information call Helaine Ripps at (845) 358-3767
or email csi@optonline.net.

Temple Emanuel of the

Women Dine for a Cause in Rockland
to support special camp for kids and young adults
Join Women Dine for a Cause on July 10, from 6 to 8
p.m., at a private home in Nyack for a potluck dinner
to support the community. The evening will benefit
Camp Kipanga, a unique summer camp for children,
teenagers, and young adults, from 5 to 21 years old,
who struggle with peer relationships, impulse con-
trol, fitting in with others, coping with emotions, and
related difficulties. The camp offers children with
social challenges the extra support they need to have
a successful summer camp experience.
Women Dine for a Cause, celebrating its fifth anni-
versary in September, harnesses the power of female
connection and community to support struggling
women, children, and families in Rockland County.
So far, the group has donated more than $75,000 to
28 vital nonprofit agencies. For more information, go
to womendine.net.
Pascack Valley will begin
its new program, “Study in
the Summer,” with beginning
Hebrew reading for adults taught
by Rabbi Shelley Kniaz, the shul’s
director of congregational learn-
ing. The program is for anyone Rabbi Shelley
who has never learned to read Kniaz
Hebrew or feels it would be
good to have a refresher course. It meets on Mondays
through August 26, at 5 p.m., at the Woodcliff Lake
shul. Students must buy the textbook; it can be down-
loaded and printed. Registration is required; email
rabbikniaz@tepv.org.

Program aims to ‘Stop the Bleed’

The Jewish Federation
of Northern New Jer-
sey will offer “Stop the
Bleed,” a free training
session on basic emer-
gency response, on
Wednesday, July 10,
at 6:30 p.m., at JFNNJ
Paramus headquarters.
“Stop the Bleed” is
a national awareness
campaign to encourage Gerard “Jerry” Dargan
bystanders to become
trained, equipped, and empowered to
help in a bleeding emergency before
professional help arrives. A bystander
can save a life by learning how to stop
bleeding in a crisis.
With anti-Semitism on the rise and
incidents of hate and bias increasing,
safety and security has become a top
priority for individuals, organizations, crisis is one of the most effective tools
and synagogues. The Jewish Federa-
tion of Northern New Jersey has made
security and security training a top
priority and recently hired Gerard
Dargan as its director of Jewish com-
munity security. Mr. Dargan works
with law enforcement, synagogues,
and other organizations to help with
security operations and programs,
including emergency and disaster
response plans.
“Federation’s rela-
tionship with the Ber-
gen County prosecu-
tor’s office and law
enforcement officials is
very strong,” Mr. Dargan
said. “We have a true
partnership. The Stop
the Bleed program will
provide average citizens AD TK
with the necessary skills
to help before the help
arrives. Obviously, we hope no one
ever has to use the skills they learn at
this training, but being prepared in an
emergency can mean the difference
between life and death.”
Debbie Gottlieb, JFNNJ’s manager
of community purchasing, added,
“Training on how to respond during a
to mitigate an incident. At federation,
we will be offering training programs
to the community throughout the year More than 411,000 likes.
to help ensure the safety and security
of our community.”
Participants in the “Stop the Bleed” Like us on
program must be over 16. For more
information, go to JFNNJ.org/StopThe-
Bleed, email GerardD@JFNNJ.org or
Facebook
facebook.com/jewishstandard
call (201) 820-3978.
JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 33
Obituaries
The Christopher Family Jay Kinder Hanan Rotman
Jay Kinder, 72, of Wayne died June 24. Hanan Rotman, 72, of Old Tappan, formerly of Israel,
serving the Jewish community A high school wrestling coach, he was founder died June 19.
since 1900 and president of Strong Man Safety Products. Born in Romania, he was a vice president of

Paterson Monument Co.

MAIN BRANCH
He is survived by his wife of 47 years, Elaine,
children, Gabriel (Fidelma), Jeremy (Landa), and
Leah, and three grandchildren.
marketing in the imaging business.
He is survived by his wife, Batia, née Eliyahu, and
daughters, Sarit of River Vale and Lisette of Nyack, N.Y.
Paterson, NJ 07502 Pompton Plains, NJ 07444
317 Totowa Ave. 681 Rt. 23 S.
Donations can be sent to Memorial Sloan Arrangements were by Eden Memorial Chapels,
973-942-0727 Fax 973-942-2537 973-835-0394 Fax 973-835-0395 Kettering Cancer Center. Services were at Temple Fort Lee.
TOLL FREE 800-675-0727 Beth Tikvah, Wayne.
www.patersonmonument.com
Arrangements were by Louis Suburban Chapel, Dr. Marvin Wisch
Fair Lawn. Dr. Marvin Wisch, 96, died June 23.
201-791-0015 800-525-3834 He graduated New York University, Tufts University
LOUIS SUBURBAN CHAPEL, INC. Edward Kleinman School of Veterinary Medicine, and University of Califor-
Exclusive Jewish Funeral Chapel Edward Kleinman, 68, of Bergenfield died June 19. nia Irvine School of Medicine. A family practictioner in
Sensitive to Needs of the Jewish Community for Over 50 Years He is survived by his wife, Phyllis, children, Fair Lawn, he served as chief of family medicine at the
• Serving NJ, NY, FL & Israel Robert, Richard, and David; daughters-in-law, Valley Hospital, president of the NJ Chapter of General
• Graveside services at all NJ & NY cemeteries Debbie and Helaine; five grandchildren, and a Practitioners, and was honored by many organizations.
• Prepaid funerals and all medicaid funeral benefits honored great-granddaughter. Predeceased by his wives, Sylvia and Jo-Ann,
“Always within a family’s financial means” Arrangements were by Gutterman and Musicant he is survived by five children, a brother, eight
13-01 Broadway (Route 4 West) · Fair Lawn, NJ Funeral Home, Hackensack. grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.
Richard Louis - Manager George Louis - Founder Donations can be sent to the Valley Hospital, Ridge-
NJ Lic. No. 3088 1924-1996 Adell Lang wood. Services were at the Fair Lawn Jewish Center/CBI.
Adell Lang, née Epstein, 89, of Fair Lawn, formerly Arrangements were by Robert Schoem’s Menorah
of Elmwood Park and New York City, died June 21. Chapel, Paramus.
Robert Schoem’s Menorah Chapel, Inc Predeceased by her husband, Dr. Gerhard, she
Jewish Funeral Directors
is survived by children, Kenneth (Paula), and Dr.
Family Owned & managed
Judith Knutsen (Kirk); a brother, Robert Epstein
Generations of Lasting Service to the Jewish Community Obituaries are prepared with
• Serving NJ, NY, FL &
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Throughout USA Your Family’s Needs Donations can be sent to the Simon Wiesenthal information provided by funeral homes. Correcting
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Gary Schoem – Manager - NJ Lic. 3811
Jordan E. Schoem – Funeral Director - NJ Lic. 5146
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George Rosenkranz, inventor of the birth control pill, dies at 102
MARCY OSTER Rosenkranz studied organic chemistry in Switzerland,
earning his doctorate in 1940 before immigrating to Cuba.
George Rosenkranz, a chemist who synthesized the key After World War II he became the research director of the
ingredient in the birth control pill, has died. Syntex Corp., a pharmaceutical lab in Mexico. He became

L ’ Shana
Rosenkranz, a Hungary native who immigrated to Cuba a Mexican citizen in 1949.

L ’ Shana
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BergenJewishChapel.com California, at the age of 102. was named in 150 patents.

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 The Officers, Board, and Staff of

Jewish Federation of Northern New Jersey

mourn the passing of

Norman Seiden
Norman Seiden was a devoted friend, extraordinary leader, and longtime supporter of
the Jewish people.

Here in northern New Jersey, Norman was a pillar of our Jewish community, whose visionary
thinking, generous philanthropy, and modest demeanor exemplified the best qualities of
leadership. He was the quintessential community and institution builder. Norman was a
critical leader in revitalizing the Kaplen Jewish Community Center on the Palisades. Norman
served as a trustee of Jewish Federation of Northern New Jersey and on the Endowment
Foundation Investment Committee. His involvement extended beyond northern New Jersey,
with numerous board positions including the American Technion Society, The Norman and
Barbara Seiden Foundation, The Arnold P. Gold Foundation, and the Russell Berrie Foundation.

Throughout his adult life, his community-minded spirit and big thinking made him an
inspiration for others. His leadership extended to many other local institutions of Jewish
life and in the general community, making him a role model that others will emulate for
generations to come.

We extend our sincere condolences to Norman’s children Pearl, Stephen (Sharon), and Mark
(Diane), his eleven grandchildren, and his 22 great grandchildren. He was predeceased by his
beloved wife, Barbara in 2014.

Roberta Abrams Jason M. Shames

President Chief Executive Officer

50 Eisenhower Drive, Paramus, NJ 07652 | 201-820-3900 | www.jfnnj.org

JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 35

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Antiques Wanted We pay cash for Solution to last week’s puzzle. This week’s puzzle is
on page 30.
Antique Furniture
WE BUY Modern Furniture
Modern Art
• Oil Paintings • Silver
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• Chinese Art • Bric-A-Brac Jewelry, including costume

Tyler Antiques ANS A PROOF O.K. BY: _____________________________ O.K. WITH CORRECTIONS BY:________
• Established by Bubbe in 1940! • Over 25 years courteous service to tri-state area
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tylerantiquesny@aol.com ADVERTISER: 21ST CENTURY MUSIC LLC PROOF CREATED AT: 1/31/2018 5:56 PM
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PERSON: Deneen Wright
Shabbas
PUBLICATION: NR-Herald News
To advertise
PROOF DUE: -
NEXT RUN DATE: 02/02/18
call NR-
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36 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

 BOGOTA
HOUSE TOP $ PAID
FOR JUDAICA
CALLS COLLECTIBLES

ANTIQUES & ESTATE BUYERS

WE PAY CASH FOR
SINGLE ITEMS TO
ENTIRE ESTATES!
• Watches, Clocks, Pocket Watches
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Swords,
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HOUSE CALLS.
CALLS.

JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 37

 Jimmy the Junk Man
RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL
JJ
HOUSE CALLS

Buying at 70
im
im
RESIDEN
the
the
WE CLEAN OUT: WE
EDITH LANK Tree Problem
Basements •Basements
Attics • Garages • Fire Damage • Att
Hello, Edith: I am contacting you
Construction Debris • Hoarding Specialists
Construction D
Dear Edith: What do you think of with regard to an issue I currently
WE RECYCLE have with a dangerous tree in my W
CALL TODAY
an older person buying a house or a
CALL TODAY FOR A FREE ESTIMATE condo? I’ll be 70 this year. I am sin- neighbor’s yard. I have gone through

201-66•1845-600-5941
201-661-4940 - 4940 201- 6
gle, and I have excellent credit. I’ve
been looking for an apartment, and
landlords seem to really jack up the
We do not transport solid or hazardous waste We do not
prices, at lease this time of year. I pay We then sent it priority mail, and
$1,100 a month, so I think I can afford
ENGLEWOOD EAST HILL a mortgage. Thanks for your thoughts.
 - M.
Answer: I know nothing about your
finances or where you’re looking, so
I can’t give you advice on that score.
But being older is no reason why you
shouldn’t become a homeowner. I’m
old enough to be your mother, and I
still live in my own house.
At any rate, mortgage lenders are
Renovate or build your dream home on this .6 acre lot. Prime location. not allowed to discriminate on the
Close to houses of worship and park. Easy commute to NYC. basis of age. They cannot even ask
Great opportunity at $825,000. how old you are.
640 Palisade Avenue · Englewood Cliffs, NJ And, by the way, you might prefer
201-567-8700 · Fax 201-567-6828 a condo so you can be free of mainte-
CUSTOM BROKER · RESIDENTIAL · COMMERCIAL · SALES · RENTAL · LEASING
nance worries and expenses.
my insurance company to get advice
and sent my neighbor a certified
notice, for which she refused to sign.
tran
we have proof from USPS that it was
delivered.
We have tried to talk to her and got-
ten no response. We have even offered
to pay to take the tree down, and we
just got silence. Our village recognizes
it will hit our house — and maybe us,
too, if we’re in the wrong place at the
wrong time — but refuses to assist
even though it is a civil matter.
I have managed to find out where she
has a mortgage, but the lender won’t
give me her insurance company’s
name, so we can’t get it involved.
Her house is currently in disrepair. I
think it’s to her advantage for the tree
to fall. Unfortunately for us, the larger
part would head our way.

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38 JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019

 Real Estate & Business
I am desperate to get this resolved. Do you
have any advice? - A. S.
Answer: I’m afraid it’s thanks for nothing.
You’ve reported the problem to your home-
owners insurance company and tried to contact
your neighbors’. You’ve discussed this with the
village and communicated with the neighbor as
much as you could. The next thing is to consult
your attorney.
Selling the Farm
Dear Edith: I shared ownership of a farm with
a relative who has since passed. The farmland
is still tillable. But the house needs all new elec-
trics, a new septic, and an interior redo. It is not
livable at this time. Other outside buildings are
not in good shape.
How do I go about selling this farm? Do I
advertise it as is or list it as a fixer-upper? I don’t
want to sell off parcels of land or sell the house
separate from the lot. I want to sell it all as one.
How do I put restrictions on it?
This farm has been in the family since the
‘30s. I have not contacted a realtor yet. - A. M.
Answer: Selling off lots would be a complex
time-consuming undertaking with extensive legal
work. I can understand your desire for just one
sale. But local real estate agents who are active in
the vicinity of the farm will have much better advice
for you than I can give from a distance.
Call real estate brokerages in several nearby
towns. Ask whether they have someone who
specializes in farms. If you live near the farm,
ask them to send someone to meet you there.
If you’re not nearby, perhaps a phone or Skype
conference would do. Interview at least three
agents. This won’t cost anything, and you’ll get
professional advice.
You can write restrictions into the deed when
you turn ownership over to your buyer. As long
as the restrictions are legal, they can limit what
could be done with the land. Trying to control
the farm in the future with these restrictions will
make it much harder to sell, though. It would
take longer to find a buyer, and you wouldn’t be
likely to receive full market value.
Is the condition of the farmhouse so bad that
buyers would have trouble getting a mortgage
loan? Potential buyers’ problems are, to some
extent, your problems. A good agent may know
the answer or offer to look into the matter and
report back to you. CREATORS.COM
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Israel’s LawGeex wins first Burton Award for law-tech
Israeli legal-tech company LawGeex was the first- the 500 attendees were Supreme Court Chief Justice John
ever recipient of the Technolo�y Advancement in Law Roberts and representatives of all the top 20 American
Award, a new category in the prestigious Burton Awards law firms and Ivy League law schools.
co-hosted by the Library of Congress and co-sponsored Appreciating the growing importance of technolo�y,
by the American Bar Association. the Burton Awards decided to recognize products which
The 20-year-old Burton Awards, dedicated to recogniz- advance the practice of law, produce material time-cost
ing excellence in law, lauded LawGeex for its revolution- savings, and have a demonstrated impact,” according to
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lawyers 50 percent to 80 percent of contract-review time LawGeex was one of 18 Israeli companies named to Red
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pany policies. companies named to Wired’s 2018 list of 100 Hottest Start-
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JEWISH STANDARD JUNE 28, 2019 39