Skills
Carita Nyberg
Carita Nyberg
Communication Skills
2
Communication Skills
1st edition
© 2015 Carita Nyberg & bookboon.com
ISBN 978-87-403-1096-2
3
Communication Skills Contents
Contents
Preface 7
1 Communication Skills 9
1.1 The ABC of Communication 9
1.2 Communicating face-to-face 10
1.3 Communicating on the phone 11
1.4 Communicating by email 13
1.5 When the communication is not working 13
2 Reaction Styles 15
2.1 A Thinker 16
2.2 A Feeler 18
2.3 A Doer 19
2.4 Developing communication skills 21
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Communication Skills Contents
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Communication Skills Contents
6 Feedback Skills 42
6.1 Effective feedback 44
6.2 Positive feedback 44
6.3 Receiving positive feedback 46
6.4 Corrective feedback 47
6.5 Receiving corrective feedback 49
6.6 Reaction styles and giving feedback 50
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Communication Skills Preface
Preface
The author, Carita Nyberg, MSc. Economics, has further developed the Keys2Balance method to assist
workplaces in improving communication and leadership, in order to enhance the working climate.
The method is based on José Steven’s, PhD., PersonEssence – Understanding People concept that has
been utilized for more than 30 years in the US, both in one-to-one and group training sessions. After
completing a course on this subject during the summer of 2002 in New Mexico, Carita Nyberg has
continued to develop this method further, providing a variety of training and coaching for differing
workplaces and individuals.
Keys2Balance is a versatile program that offers inspiring insights into self leadership, management,
team building and successful collaboration. The program contains nine keys that cover communication,
motivation and wellbeing. Each key can be put into effect separately or combined with others. They are
applicable to all individuals, giving recommendations on a wide range of working situations in a practical
format. These suggestions can be put into immediate use both at work and elsewhere.
7
Communication Skills Preface
The Keys2Balance keys are for anyone looking for a challenge and interested in advancing their skills.
From leadership to team building, the keys can assist, helping to develop the individual for better sales
results, customer service and team work.
My special thanks to the editor Charli Clark and illustrator Sini Ruuskanen.
Contact info:
Webpage: www.keys2balance.com
E-mail: info@keys2balance.com
Skype: carita.nyberg
8
Communication Skills Communication Skills
1 Communication Skills
This book will help you to develop your own communication skills, as well as help you understand why
it’s harder to get your message across to some people than to others. Furthermore you will gain hints and
tips as to how to deal with these situations when they arise, leading to more a productive and fruitful
outcome for you and your business.
Were you aware that speech forms only a small part of communication? According to many researchers,
words add up to just 10 percent of your ability to get your message through. What’s more important
is how you emphasise those words, when you pause and how you express yourself, as these make up
around 20 percent of your communication with another. However, the biggest and most crucial impact,
influencing how you are perceived, comes from your non-verbal communication at almost 70 percent.
It is important that you remain aware of this when delivering your message, as it can make a significant
difference as to how you are understood.
Here, the Keys2Balance method focuses on how to uncover your natural strengths, describing both
simply and practically the different ways in which we communicate.
This book consists of six sections, beginning with some basic communication themes, then focusing on
Reaction Styles, one of the keys in the Keys2Balance method. Focusing on how the Reaction Styles
affect communication, chapter 2 gives you practical tools to relieve stress and reduce negative behaviour
quickly and effectively. You can use the self-score test to find out your natural reaction style and reaction
sequence, so that you can be more prepared to deal with conflicting ideas and surprises in the workplace.
Finally, the book concludes with a chapter on feedback skills, advising how to give and receive both
positive and constructive feedback.
There are also hints and exercises in each chapter to enable you to put into practice what you have read.
9
Communication Skills Communication Skills
A great exchange calls for good planning. For this, the sender needs to think about what they really
want to say and how they want the receiver to react. The sender needs to set a clear target as to what
the intended message should be, as well as considering and reflecting upon the ideal response and what
they expect from the listener or reader.
The three most common ways of communicating are face-to-face, on the phone or via e-mail. The mode
of communication greatly affects how the message is perceived, with the most efficient usually being
face-to-face communication, as this way it can be a lot easier to avoid misunderstandings. When the
matter is very important or challenging, like giving constructive feedback for example, it is advised to
do it face-to-face whenever possible. When you are communicating over the phone, it becomes more
difficult and you need to pay attention to how you talk, keep a good rhythm and make sure your message
is understood correctly. E-mailing is the most challenging channel of communication with huge potential
for misinterpretations to occur. Although unwanted tones can easily get more attention than planned
through this mode, it should not be ruled out as it can be the most fast and effective in many situations.
Hint:
Expressions and how you say things count for 20 per cent of the message.
Non-verbal communication is the most important factor to consider when getting your message across.
It is good to remember that your body language is always communicating how you really feel, whether
you are aware of it or not.
Good communication demands direct eye contact and listening skills, focusing on what the other is
actually saying, as opposed to attempting interpretation. By using these as a base to start a correspondence,
successful interactions can be formed.
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Communication Skills Communication Skills
Even though it has been discovered that words are not as important as you may have initially thought, it
can still be useful to keep some points in mind in relation to your speech and getting your message across:
Your body is speaking loud and clear even if you don’t pay attention to it. Some people are especially good
at receiving those non-verbal signals, so it is important to remember to align your spoken language with
how your body language is being perceived. If, for example, you are telling your employees about a new
project, that you yourself do not really believe in, it usually becomes quite obvious to the recipients what
you really think about it. The negative body language you emit will usually influence your employees,
so much so, that they will not be able to ‘buy’ into your words as they are aware you do not believe in
them either.
Exercise:
Observe yourself talking about something you don’t really believe in. Notice you posture, how is it
different? Do you feel at ease or not? What is your body language revealing about your belief?
Picture 2. Getting the message through takes two – a sender and a receiver.
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Communication Skills Communication Skills
Here an example where you can see in bold the word that is stressed. Through saying each sentence with
differing intonation you can begin to understand how important your tone is to the perceived meaning
of a sentence. Here, you are able to see how a message can change depending on the word you choose
to stress.
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Communication Skills Communication Skills
• Headings are important. A good heading can make or break a message – it is either read or
not read at all.
• Start with the most important message. Avoid lengthy messages with multiple senders, as these
cause the receiver to need to read many pages to uncover the bottom line.
• Who do you cc into the message? Send to all’ is usually not a good choice. You will save others’
time when you reflect a moment as to whom you should include in the email.
• When constructive feedback is needed, avoid using emails as this mode of communication has
its limitations. Read more about giving constructive feedback in chapter 6, Feedback Skills.
Hint:
Always choose the preferable mode of communication and give a thought to what the message is that
you want to get across. Remember to also consider how you communicate, making sure you emphasise
you sentences correctly and remain aware of how your non-verbal communication will be read in any
given situation.
3. Drop of motivation
If the emotional climate is poor, it decreases the motivation and drive of the employees. This
can easily lead to a negative spiral, increasing the likelihood of the work being completely in
a purposefully slow and poor manner due to a lack of commitment to working efficiently.
13
Communication Skills Communication Skills
4. Loss of resources
Too little staff with too much work can cause an “energy leak”. This happens when a burdened
working climate takes its toll on the capacity. Indictars of this manifest in a lack of results or
increased sick leave, as employees attempt to cope with the bad experience and heightened stress.
8. Permanent conflicts
If conflicts are not resolved quickly emotions get in the way and negative feelings build up
making it hard to find solutions. Conflicts can appear that, if not dealt with appropriately, can
poison the working environmental for years.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
2 Reaction Styles
Introduction
There are three types of reaction styles; you are either a thinker, a feeler or a doer. Although all three of
these traits are present in your personality at one time or another, one of them comes naturally, whilst
the other two are ocassionally put to use depending on the situation. It can be useful for you to be able
to recognize your own communication style, not only because it tells you how you communicate, but
also as it tells you how you expect others to communicate with you. You can also gain information about
how to identify these traits in your loved ones or those you work with to realise the positive effects of
understanding this information to your relationships in all areas of your life.
Your reaction style reveals the spontaneous way you react in a sudden situation. It also reveals your
common way of communicating with others. It is usually easy to notice the reaction style of others, but
harder when it comes to finding your own. A good way to start working out your reaction style is to
eliminate one of the three from the equation. This can be a fairly simple process, as it is often easy to
notice which style you use least when you communicate.
Each of the reaction styles differ in their approach to communication and understanding your preferred
style will give you many clues as to interactions, desires, abilities and natural strengths. Furthermore
it is also useful to find out where there could be room for improvement. It is typically very easy to
communicate with someone who has the same reaction style as you, as they stay within your comfort
zone. None of the three reaction styles are better than the other, however there are situations where it
can be more beneficial to use a particular one.
When people with differing reaction styles interact, there can be major misunderstandings and conflicts
due to a misinterpretion of what the other wants to communicate. This can play havoc, even in a successful
business, project or team.
How do these three reaction styles differ in correspondence with one another?
Each customer, collegue or other individual will appreciate slightly different approaches to communication
depending on their preferred reaction style and you can see examples of these different behaviours and
reaction styles in the workplace.
If you want to test your own reaction sequence, meaning your preferred reaction style, as well as the
second and the third, go to questionnaire on page 50. However, keep in mind that the initial result is not
always correct, therefore it is important to read more about this subject before you draw firm conclusions
of your own reaction style.
15
Communication Skills Reaction Styles
Exercise:
How would you respond in this situation: You are at the dinner table with a friend, when you suddenly
hear a big bang, causing the plates to move and clatter.
Is your first concern what happened and where the noise came from?
Do you shout or express another type of strong reaction?
Do you immediately rise from your place?
The first reaction is typical for a thinker, the second most common for a feeler and the third for a doer.
A thinker wants to reflect a second or two as many questions pop into their mind. A feeler reacts with
some sort of emotion, either by getting upset or surprised and you will notice the emotional response.
A doer reacts physically and directly, either by standing up or by trying to solve the situation fast, i.e.
picking up the phone to call an emergency number or to evacuate everyone from the restaurant.
2.1 A Thinker
A thinker reacts with reflections, words and questions. Because words are the tools of a thinker, they
tend to react more slowly than a feeler or a doer.
A thinker can be recognized from the detailed way they communicate and make their decisions from
their head, and sometimes they can seem lost in their thoughts. Below a list of a typical thinker:
• The strengths of a thinker are consistency and managing of facts, down to the finest
details. Discussions and expression through written form to reflect upon problems are also
typical strengths.
• The main weakness of a thinker is excessive reasoning, including too many explanations and
over rationalizing. When considering the negatives within a situation or task, a thinker can
often become bogged down with details and long-winded analyses.
• A thinker likes to discuss and often does that through methodical, logical pondering.
• A thinker values calm, fact-based discussion and time to think aloud, weighing up the various
different angles on a subject. The thought process is step by step and is followed by a detailed
estimate or conclusion of the situation.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
• A thinker loves to discuss with another thinker. They can become frustrated from time to
time with the other reaction styles. A feeler’s mood swings can be too much for them, as they
wonder what just happened and as for a doer, it can be very hard for a thinker to follow them
as doers are always on the go.
• The communication style of a thinker is mostly calm, often speaking with a monotonous note.
A thinker is typically fact-based, analytical and values clear, sound logic. They may be keen on details
and also thorough as it is important for them to structure and understand how things are. Others can
perceive a thinker as a calm and collected person, who also appears to take their time.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
A thinker enjoys a calm and business like approach. They like to ask many questions to test the proficiency
of the customer service, however overimposing products or services can be off putting for a thinker and
they will most likely find this unimpressive.
2.2 A Feeler
The reactions of a feeler are usually strong and colourful. They are people orientated, social and
spontaneous, perceiving information through pictures, feelings and impressions.
Typical traits include expressing with gestures and reacting sensitively in many situations. Here some
clues as to how you can recognize a feeler:
• The strength of a feeler is an ability to judge people and situations accurately. Many of them
are artistic, expressive and good at creating a nice atmosphere.
• Weaknesses include too much fussing, being too sensitive and taking things too personally.
They also tend to become disorientated, impulsive and are prone to creating drama.
-- I feel that…
-- How shocking.
-- Super, fantastic!
18
Communication Skills Reaction Styles
A feeler is very spontaneous and easily gets excited about anything new. They like to keep in contact with
others, however they are prone to mood swings, with an often colourful way of expressing themselves.
A feeler has great receptors, enabling them to sense the atmosphere and read between the lines. Others
can perceive a feeler person as sensitive and intuitive.
A feeler regards personal service as highly important in any service situation, and a big smile and the
question: ‘What can I do for you?’ is a good start. How the products are presented, but also the general
atmosphere affects their buying decision. An over analytical approach or one that is too pushy may end
in rejection even if a feeler’s original intention was to buy.
2.3 A Doer
A doer reacts with movement, they are energetic, fast and want to get things under way. Staying put is
hard and they prefer to walk as they talk. For a doer, learning is achieved by doing.
A person that is a doer communicates very briefly and wants to be on the go. Here some typical traits:
• The strength of a doer is fast action. They are usually very coordinated and have an instinct of
where they should be. If problems arise, they act right away and try to solve them fast.
• Weaknesses include acting hastily in negative situations or negotiations. Chaos, pushing things
and being too blunt are the negative expressions of a doer.
• A person with doing as their reaction style is fast and energetic, they’d rather act than talk.
• A doer is not prone to staying put for long, analysing nor daydreaming. They appreciate
straightforward assignments and brief, clear messages. If the discussion can take place as you
walk, even better. Decisions are easy and off they go.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
• Thinkers and feelers can have a hard time keeping up with a doer. Things are solved fast, not
seeming to take time, effort nor any emotional attachments into consideration. For this reason
others may feel neglected as a doer does not stop to think things over with a thinker nor take
into account how the decision will affect a feeler, as a doer is already moving on to the next
task in hand.
• When a doer communicates, they are brief and direct. Their information may seem to lack
content and if this is the case, it is recommended to ask them questions to fill in the gaps.
A doer is very fast, both with their moves and in their decision making. They get things going when
they decide it is time to move on towards new challenges. People around them may think of them as
very active and efficient, however they can also seem restless.
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Communication Skills Reaction Styles
It is very important for a doer to receive immediate service and information to enable speedy solutions.
A service situation can go wrong if the customer service given is over analytical and detailed, or if the
person is too talkative.
Hint:
Think of a person you know well. How can you tell their preferred reaction style?
A thinker wants to share their opinion and take some time to think things over.
• Respect the boundaries of a thinker, they can be intimidated if your approach is too close
up physically.
• Give good arguments concerning your point as they need many facts to be able to grasp the
situation at hand.
• Help a thinker by taking the time to answer their questions, i.e. ‘Why should we stay in this
project? ‘Why shouldn’t we, as long as the customer feedback stays great.’
• Let them show their emotions and explain how they feel about the situation.
• Do not demand an exceedingly detailed report as that can be very daunting for them.
• Speak the truth, if you do not buy the argument yourself, it is highly likely that a feeler will
become aware of your uncertainty.
21
Communication Skills Reaction Styles
Exercise:
Think of some examples of thinkers, feelers and doers in your workplace. How could you address them
individually to achieve better end results?
Hint:
Think of a meeting with a thinker, feeler and doer. Which one of these reaction styles poses the biggest
challenge to you?
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Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
Once you can recognise your reaction sequence, you will be able to use a practical and proven method
to disperse the stress accumulated whilst reacting. You can release this stress within minutes when you
notice you are using your secondary reaction style, called the trap. This is possible to do with the use of
a balancer, and once you know your own balancer, you will find ways to put it into use whenever needed.
You are in a meeting and suddenly you hear a loud bang, it even causes items on the table to shake
and clatter.
• If you are a thinker, you stay put for a moment, as you will have instantatously started wondering
what has happened and where the bang came from.
• As a feeler your reaction is full of emotional, you might be scared or shout out in surprise.
You often look to others and observe how they are reacting around you and this may intensify
your emotional response.
• If you are a doer, it is all about movement, you get up and on your feet in a blink of an eye,
moving towards the door or the window. You have an urge to get everyone out of the room
or to call the emergency services.
Now another story that may help you decide. You are sitting in a cafeteria when a glass of water is
suddenly spilled all over you. How do you respond?
• If you consider, even for a split second, how this could have happened, then you are most
likely a thinker.
• When you react by shouting out or getting upset, this is typical of a feeler.
• If you immediately get something to clear the mess and replace the glass of water, then you
are most probably a doer.
23
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
One more example: you are in your office, when suddenly a folder falls off the shelf, spreading its contents
across the floor.
• If you at first notice a question arising concerning how this folder could have possibily fallen
down then you are a thinker.
• As a feeler, your reaction would be emotional and you are likely to become worried or angry.
• If you’re a doer you would respond fast, picking up the folder and its contents, and returning
it to its place before thoughts or feelings have time to emerge.
You may notice that it only takes a second or two before you shift from the primary reaction style to
the secondary. By reflecting on how you act just after your initial reaction, you can become aware of
your secondary reaction style. Sometimes it can be easier to discover how you react by excluding the
most unlikely option first. For example, by realising you are definitely not a feeler, you can reduce your
possible reaction sequence to either number two or number five. This narrows down your choices and
helps you to decide if you are a thinking-doing-feeling person (row two) or a doing-thinking-feeling
person (row five). However, it can also be revealing to consider how you behave under stress, and your
trap (the secondary reaction style) can tell more about this and will be covered over the next few pages.
The first reaction style can be recognised as the way you usually react and communicate. It can be common
for you to also use your secondary reaction style depending on the situation. When things are running
smoothly you tend to put all of them into good use, however the third reaction style is used less often
than the other two in most cases. When something goes wrong, you can often end up out of balance
and that can lead to you slipping into the second reaction style and becoming unproductive, that is why
it is called the trap. It can be something as simple as being in a hurry or receiving a nasty comment, so
it is good to make yourself aware of your trap for when you are stressed. The trap will only be activated
if you are under pressure or out of balance and unfortunately most people react badly whilst stuck in
their trap. This is neither healthy nor productive for you, your colleagues or your business.
24
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
If your reaction sequence is either the first or last of the possibilities listed above, then this means you
have a feeling trap. When you are stressed your emotions will be high and you will feel very anxious (row
one) or you will be in emotional turmoil (row six), but in both cases your feelings will get the better of
you and you won’t know how to cope with the situation.
If you recognize doing as your trap, then you have row two or four and this will become apparent through
either acting up and lashing out (row two) or impulsiveness (row four). However, if thinking is your
typical trap, then you will think too much or get stuck in your head. Row three will make you second-
guess, ‘should I have said that, or done that, or not’ or row five will make you feel uptight and tense, as
thoughts run through your mind that make you even more emotionally detached.
Choose the sentence that you identify as most common concerning your daily behaviour. You may see
your qualities across a number of the sentences, but try to pick the one with the most similarities.
1. I think a lot and enjoy analysing with others, however I often worry about things in the future.
2. After I get an idea I like to get going. Although my way of doing things looks efficient, I may
lack direction.
3. I’m very intuitive and sensitive. It is typical of me to think a lot, therefore I often get stuck in
my head.
4. How I feel affects what I do. I jump into doing things immediately when I feel the urge and
can sometimes be very impulsive.
5. I enjoy movement and seeing things happening. However, when I am under pressure I can be
harsh and uncaring about others’ opinions.
6. I need to be on the go. My gestures and facial expressions are vivid, although sometimes I can
be too bold and make statements that I might later regret.
25
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
26
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
A thinking trap may mean your thoughts go round in circles or that you become too compulsive and
indecisive, thinking “should I speak up or not?”
• A feeler with a thinking trap tends to spend a lot of time second-guessing themselves,
questioning both the questions they are asking and their feelings about the situation in question.
• A doer with a thinking trap can act relentlessly, with their thoughts galloping ahead, increasing
the tendency to make blunt or quick decisions.
A feeling trap can be expressed through anxiety, anger, hate and other strong emotions.
• A thinker with a feeling trap often worries or gets confused with anything unfinished and may
become depressed.
• A doer with a feeling trap will feel the need to expresses themselves strongly. However, this
outburst can be difficult for others to handle and can often hurt the feelings of those involved.
A doing trap will cause excess movement, making you overactive and can lead to a loss of focus.
• A thinker with a doing trap will often become overactive, wasting time and energy running
around aimlessly.
• A feeler with a doing trap will make impulsive decisions, not taking the time to think anything
through.
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Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
People often stay in their trap for hours, some for days and others for even longer. This can be a major
disadvantage for an individual’s working life, as well as their personal health. However, there is a tool
that can be used to release themselves from their trap, and this tool is named the balancer. The balancer
is your third reaction style and can be used to help yourself out of your trap. The first step is to become
aware that you are actually stuck in a trap. The second is to decide to do something about it, and for
this step you will need to have identified your balancer and have chosen how to make it work for you.
1 or 3 Doing as your balancer: physical activities, being decisive, making choices e.g. walking from one room to
another, getting a cup of coffee.
2 or 5 Feeling as your balancer: creating a good feeling about yourself, doing something that makes you smile.
e.g. a coffee break, music, chatting with a good friend.
As you may have noticed, some of the reaction sequences share a balancer as a balancer can be used in
the same manner despite having a different trap. When you have found the reaction sequence that works
best for you, you can start using your balancer more consciously. Once you have discovered your own
sequence you will start to notice the reaction sequences of those around you and can help colleagues,
friends and even family members through stressful situations.
28
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
It may take some practice to tune in to how to communicate most productively with a person who has
an opposing reaction style and here is an example to illustrate one of these situations. A thinker with
feeling as the secondary reaction style, may find a doer too fast and too blunt with their comments if
that doer has feeling as the secondary and thinking as the last reaction style. The doer may also be left
confused, as the thinker, stuck in the feeling reaction, will most likely be expressing themselves with
overt emotion which the doer may view as unnecessary.
It is important for a thinker to have thorough conversations about anything relating to their field of
interest. Thinking things out loud in a calm and complete manner pleases a thinker, as they are in their
comfort zone wherever logical and analytical thinking is needed and thus appreciated.
29
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
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Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
For a feeler, it is necessary to start conversations by first build bridges with the other people in the given
situation. Only after this has been achieved do facts become important, as once good connections have
been made, communication over any topic becomes easy for them. A feeler’s comfort zone is attained
by creating a good vibe, using their intuition to seek out good company.
A doer wants things to move forward without any delay. Decision making is efficient and choices are
made without over analysing and excessive conversation; the main aim of a doer is to get things going.
They like to communicate on the go, and in their eyes, the faster things are decided, the better.
31
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
As you can see from the descriptions, all combinations have their challenges and in the next chapter
we will take a closer look at these reactionary combinations through a story illustrating the differences.
32
Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
When people are in their trap, they behave differently. It is good to remember that when a manager is
under stress, it usually has an impact on the over all health of the team. If we begin by observing the
manager who has row six: doing-feeling-thinking as their reaction sequence, and thus becomes very
frenetic under stress, we must also be aware that the same sequence applies to the other doer in the team.
We must then note that although whilst one thinker becomes very anxious due to stress and cannot get
anything done, the other thinker starts acting out. Meanwhile, the feeler, who like the second thinker is
also caught in a doing trap, runs around the anxious thinker without clearly expressing themselves and
instead acts impulsively. Needless to say, this team becomes very dysfunctional under stress.
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Communication Skills The Reaction Sequence
1. One major team issue is how to improve communication when all three reactions styles
are present. The thinkers value a clear and logically approach. On the other hand, the feeler
appreciates personal interaction and a good atmosphere, whereas the doers desire getting things
done and decisions that are made without hesitation.
2. The manager was especially challenged by the thinkers, as this reaction style is the least natural
response of the manager. The hardest employee would have been the thinking-feeling-doing
person as this sequence is totally opposite to them in terms of reaction style. The manager
would need to really try and slow down, taking time to explain things calmly, clearly and with
much more patience than with anyone else in the team.
3. It is actually a good thing to have all three reaction styles present in a team. This is because
each reaction style gives a different perspective and enables things to be seen and achieved
from different angles. On the other hand this diversity can pose a threat to communication. If
the manager stays in their comfort zone, e.g. if they communicate too briefly or too fast, then
there is a risk for misinterpretations to arise. The thinkers would have a hard time to understand
as information would be lacking and the feeler might feel overlooked if there is no personal
touch to how things are communicated to them. Therefore, it is necessary for the manager to
take all the reaction styles into account when communicating information, particularly during
a stressful period at work.
Hint:
A good team has a mix of different skills and personalities. The results are great when all three reaction
styles have their say, as this allows for a versatile approach to be achieved when dealing with a variety
of issues and finding solutions for them.
34
Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
1. Presence
2. Listening
3. Talking
4. Trust
4.1 Presence
The first step towards great communication is becoming present. If you are not mentally present, it is
impossible for you to pay attention and listen attentively. In practice, what you need is to stay focused
and avoid allowing your thoughts to wander to past situations or future events. Your body language can
reveal quite easily whether you are present or not and therefore using firm eye contact, for example, can
confirm to others that you are awake and present.
• We cannot be present if we let our thoughts and eyes wander all over the place when someone
is speaking, if we focus on our mobile phone or attempt to do something else. It may take time
and practice to really stay tuned in and consciously aware of the present moment, but it is a
necessary foundation for good communication.
• Presence is not about doing something, but about being. Only when a person is present, can
they truely listen to what another is communicating.
Hint:
35
Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
Exercise:
Think of a prior situation where you have recognised your lack of presence halfway through
communication. Think about what confused or distracted you away from that moment. Then, think
about a situation where you would need to be present. What do you pay attention to and what details
are more noticable than others? Do this a few times. What as a means of support and similarities can
you see between the details you can remember from each situation?
4.2 Listening
Listening skills are highly important for communication to be effective. When listening, we need to tune
in to another person’s emotions, so it may come as little surprise that this is one of the natural skills
of a feeler. Active listening gives us understanding beyond words and connects us with what the other
person is experiencing internally. The messages hidden in the emotions of another can often tell you
much more than just listening to the spoken word. Recognising what the underlining message or intent
of the speaker is can be immensely helpful as it can reduce the possibly for wrong assumptions. Being
able to read another’s emotions may also give you a lead in and improve your chances of developing a
deeper connection, which would therefore increase your working or social relations with that person.
Hint:
A person who focuses solely on themselves, cannot pay attention to others.
A good listener:
• adapts to the other persons rhythm and pace and this increases the bond between them
• looks straight into the eyes, but also avoids staring
• shows they are interested
• is emphatic and easily to approach
• respects the other person, even though they don’t always agree
• doesn’t interupt
• is positive and looks for opportunities in what the other person is saying
• knows what to ask and how to pose the right questions
• is alert and aware of body language, the tone of their voice and the voices of others
• can keep quiet
• asks clarifying questions when needed
• repeats the main message back to the person speaking to confirm understanding
• listens beyond the words, looking out for a hidden message in the emotions.
• understands what the discussion is really about
36
Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
Hint:
Exercise:
Choose a person with whom you want to improve your listening skills. Be present and listen attentively
without interrupting. Let your body language confirm that you are here and now, and stay focused on
the other person. Pay attention to how you feel during this exercise, but also pay attention to how the
other person responds to your listening. Have they changed how they normally communicate with you?
Are they acting any differently?
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Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
4.3 Talking
Talking is the comfort zone of a thinker. In this context, talking refers to a skill of repeating and
acknowledging what has just been said by another. This can be achieved successfully through checking
for clarification from the speaker by asking ‘did I understand correctly that you mean…’ once the other
person has reached a natural pause in their thoughts or come to a conclusion. Through this act of
repetition we can thereby communicate that we have really listened and even understood what was said.
• A thinker’s reaction style is verbally expressive, and good communication has a lot to do with
choosing the correct words and using them at the appropriate time. Speaking what you believe
to be true is important, however, you must take responsibility for your words and avoid judging
or excessive explanation.
• Choose your words and be in charge. Talk with a calm, clear voice and keep to the facts.
• Smile when you speak, as even on the phone, you can hear if the other person is smiling, even
though you can’t see them. Remember when talking on the phone or emailing, you need to
pay special attention to the wording of your phrases in order to avoid misunderstandings.
• Your body language needs to be aligned with what you are saying.
• Adjust your message according to the receiver as different people will read the same words
differently. This helps avoid unclear messages and unnecessary confusion.
• The main point in this step is to confirm that the message has been received and
understood correctly.
Hint:
By repeating what another person has just said, you can check that you have really understood the message.
Exercise:
Try this exercise out with a person that you find challenging. Be totally present and listen attentively,
then to be sure you have understood the message the person is conveying correctly ask: ‘Did you mean
that…’? Wait and listen to the reply to be sure you got it all right.
38
Communication Skills Four steps to efficient communication
4.4 Trust
Presence, listening and talking are the steps that create the foundation for trust. It may be surprising to
know that doing is linked to building trust. When we want to build a bridge between people, we need
to hand things over and learn to let go. A useful metaphor for this can be the throwing of a ball. When
you throw a ball to another person you need to pay attention as to how easy you have made it for the
receiver to catch it successfully, and the same applies for any project or briefing. When you hand out
clear instructions concerning what needs to be done and when, it is easier for another to grab the ‘ball’
and accomplish the task. A vital part of building trust is the ability to let go once you have handed over
a project and avoid keeping watch over other people and their doings unnecessarily. If you are concerned
that someone is struggling then, what you can do instead is, communicate that they are welcome to ask
any further questions if they need some help. This is a powerful way to build trust.
Hint:
If you need to improve on more than one of the four steps, it is recommended to start from the smallest
number. For example, if both presence and talking are areas you need to improve, it is wise to start by
practising presence first, as this is the first step you will need to master.
Exercise:
Which one of the four steps is most challenging for you? How could you develop that skill?
39
Communication Skills Reaction styles – questionnaire
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ABOUT
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SAP QUALITY,
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ORGANIZATION
SOFTWARE
TO ADOPT FLEXIBLE, AND
QUALITY
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ECONOMICAL
CONTENT,
SAP
BUILD
NEVER SOLUTIONS. AND
EXPERTISE
BEEN TRAINING
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HANDS-ON
AND
PRACTICE.
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SOFTWARE.
Hub –user
Hub, IT’S
the edition
choice
when, where, and what to learn
of NEEDED.
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Learning Hub
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Communication Skills Reaction styles – questionnaire
Write down your scores from highest to lowest and this is likely to be your reaction sequence.
41
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
6 Feedback Skills
Introduction
Great feedback skills are essential for good communication, however, work satisfaction surveys normally
show that there is a need for businesses and organisations to improve these skills. Giving feedback
involves letting another person know how their presence is having an impact within the company, what
is happening due to their influence and the consequences of this for others and the workplace in general.
Feedback skills are important in leadership; a good leader frequently gives feedback to those they work
with and remains aware that it should always be given from a neutral standpoint. It is also good to be
aware that feedback should not only be passed on from manager to employee, but also between collegues,
back to the manager or to anyone that you work with closely.
In this book we will explore feedback through the terms effective, positive and corrective feedback.
Effective feedback gives the receiver tools to develop themselves within the workplace and resolve areas
they are having difficulty with for themselves, and this can be achieved through the appropriate use of
positive and corrective feedback. Positive feedback focuses on both personal skills and doings through
congratulating the individual on a wide range of personal traits, like cheerfulness, how they dress or
their excellent presentation skills. However, corrective feedback should always focus on doings and
avoid personal traits completely. The main goal of feedback is to direct a person’s behaviour to change
for the better and it is good to remember that although this is in your interest, it is also in the interest
of the receiver.
Feedback skills call for continual learning and repetition, they are like a muscle and need constant
training to remain in good condition. In an ideal setting, both the giver and receiver should develop
and improve due to the feedback given as great feedback always aims to benefit and inspire the personal
progress of those involved.
Both positive and corrective feedback need to be used on a regular basis. They help the working climate
by reducing tension and creating openness, enabling meaningful discussions to take place.
Feedback skills are very valuable for the workplace and below is a list of what using feedback can improve
if used correctly.
42
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Giving feedback:
• enhances self-knowledge
• shows individuals the meaning of their accomplishments
• improves success
• enables change
• leads the way for early intervention
• improves exchange
• creates an open working climate
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IN SAP WHERE
SOLUTIONS.
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Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Effective feedback describes both what the receiver has been doing and the result of that action. Here
some examples to clarify the point:
• ’Thank you for a great presentation. You managed to summarise all the key points well, even
though you only had 20 minutes at hand. I also liked that you shared that story as it illustrated
the main theme splendidly.’
• ‘I am very pleased that you took the time to review this file at short notice. However, there are
still some issues that need attention. I would like to correct a few points to improve the text,
I hope this is ok with you?’
Positive feedback can be given daily and in many situations, e.g. giving credit for some talent or personality
trait. It is already a good start to give thanks for a job well done.
44
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
There can be several factors that stand in the way of giving feedback:
• People are not in the habit of giving feedback to others themselves, nor have they been
receiving it.
• People do not know how to give feedback as they lack role models.
• People are afraid of the potentially negative result, e.g. they might be concerned that the receiver
will be too proud and react badly to their suggestions.
• People lack an understanding of how important positive feedback can be.
• People have emotional barriers and do not know how to share good things.
It is good to remember that offering a sincere thank you for a job well done is already one way of giving
positive feedback. Once you have started thanking those involved, you can add the specific reason for
your gratitude to your comment, which will improve the likelihood of the receiver taking it on board.
The best way to give positive feedback is to phrase it in an I-sentence with an emphasis on emotion:
‘I am very delighted that I get to work with you as I never need to think if you have done your job or
not, and that is a real relief for me’.
45
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Hint:
Saying thank you should not consume you, instead it should feel good for both the giver and the receiver.
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ABOUT
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IN SAP SOFTWARE
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TOADOPT FLEXIBLE,
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QUALITY
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ECONOMICAL
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OF
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THROUGH
KNOWLEDGE
SOLUTIONS. AND
EXPERTISE
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EXPLORATION ABOUT WHEN
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AND
PRACTICE.
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SOLUTIONS.
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Hub –user
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of NEEDED.
SAP
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SAP Learning
Learning
Live Hub
Hub
Hub, student edition
Access
46
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Exercise:
Reflect on who could be given positive feedback. Pick a person you may not have given feedback to
before and give it a go.
Corrective feedback can be difficult to hear, especially if the self-esteem of the individual receiving it is
out of balance, if this is the case, the respondent may find it difficult to take any message on board. There
are four phases that most people have to work through before they accept and understand a corrective
message that concerns them:
1. Rejection: the recipient may feel that the feedback is false, injust or unclear. Constructively
given feedback can lead to rejection due to a person’s desire to protect their own dignity. This
can seem preferable over admitting to themselves that they have done something wrong and
feeling like a failure. If you get this reaction then try acknowledging it by asking ‘I get the sense
that you don’t really believe the feedback I am giving you. What parts, if any, are especially
hard to take in?’
47
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
2. Defense: this is the next phase after rejection. It typically comes in the form of a counter
attack as the recipient looks for others to blame in order to divert attention away from their
wrongdoings. Questioning this defensive behaviour can be very helpful when trying to reach
the bottom of a problem, not just for you, but also for the recipient, ‘the concerns I am raising
seem to annoy you, nevertheless, could we please discuss your role in the situation?’
3. Explanation: the focus has now shifted towards the recipient’s own self as the person now
understands, to a certain extent, that they have done something wrong. It is now important to
check that your feedback has been understood correctly by giving the recipient time and space
to relay their own thoughts on the matter back to you. You can assist in this phase by adding
‘I would love to hear your comments on this subject. My intention is to confirm the truth and
make sure the situation has been understood correctly.’
4. Understanding: the recipient has now accepted their role in the given feedback and acknowledged
their responsibility for the problems that have arisen. However, you can still help them through
the process by giving them recognition, ‘I really appreciate that you have listened to what I
have had to say.’
Exercise:
Do you feel it is easy for you to receive corrective feedback? Is there a person that you would feel
uncomfortable receiving this type of feedback from, if so, why is this the case?
Hint:
Giving feedback can be really powerful and productive and can work for both sides, the giver and
the receiver.
It is good to keep in mind a few basic things whilst giving corrective feedback, and practice will help
you to achieve better results.
• Timing is important, choose a good moment and try to give it as soon as it is possible.
• Show that you care and speak calmly.
• Give corrective feedback face to face (avoid the phone or sending it by email).
• Pay attention to your emotions, keep calm, even if the other becomes agitated.
• Your goal is to teach the other person something valuable and consequently positive, rather
than belittle them.
48
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Here are a few useful points to keep in mind when you are receiving corrective feedback:
• Stay neutral and avoid voicing any strong response that you may be experiencing.
• Listen attentively.
• Avoid counter attacks, nullifying or excessive explanations of your actions.
• Recognise the learning potential of listening to another’s feedback.
• Ask for clarification if anything is unclear.
• Learn from the feedback and take action to improve and develop.
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FOR EFFECTIVE LEARNING
YOUR LEARNING NEEDS
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HELP
EQUIP
GIVE
DEVELOP
EXPERIENCESTUDENTS
YOUR
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EXPERTISE
ABOUT
ENTIRE LEARNING,
SAPONLINE
GET
USERS
SAP
IN SAPQUALITY,
COLLABORATION,
ORGANIZATION
ACCESS SOFTWARE
TO
SOLUTIONS
TO ADOPT
A FLEXIBLE,
VAST HAS
BODYAND
QUALITY
SOFTWARE FIRSTHAND
ECONOMICAL
CONTENT,
SAP
OF
BUILD
NEVER
THROUGH
KNOWLEDGE
SOLUTIONS. AND
EXPERTISE
BEEN TRAINING
EXPLORATION ABOUT WHEN
HANDS-ON
EASIER.
TO BUILD KNOWLEDGE
AND
PRACTICE.
SAP
IN SAP WHERE
SOLUTIONS.
PRACTICE.
SAP Learning
SOFTWARE.
Hub –user
Hub, IT’S
the edition
choice of NEEDED.
AND
SAP
ENHANCE
when, where,
SAP Learning
Learning
and what to learn SKILLS.
Hub
Hub
SAP Learning
SAP Live
Live Hub, student edition
Access
Access
49
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
Exercise:
Which of the feedback skills would be most useful for you to implement at the moment. Make a decision
and start to improve that area.
Hint:
It will take you time and practice to improve your feedback skills, but it will certainly pay off.
A thinker is communicative, analytical, calm and thorough. They like to express themselves in more
detail and prefer to stick to the facts.
• When receiving feedback, thinkers appreciate a fact based, calm and collected feedback session.
Therefore, it is important to have clear reasons and specific arguments as to why the feedback
is being given. It is important that you pick a quiet moment and peaceful environment for this
exchange, to give a thinker time to reflect on what is being said and also room for questions
in case they are needed.
A feeler is spontaneous, sensitive and emotional. They express themselves colourfully and are prone to
focus on people when they discuss.
• Feedback is a sensitive area for a feeler. It is highly important that feedback is given with genuine
and authentic concern. It must be descriptive and pay close attention to their feelings. You
should let them know that you care for them and that your feedback is given with the best of
intentions. When giving feedback to a feeler it is also helpful to find the right moment, private
space and leave enough time to show you care.
50
Communication Skills Feedback Skills
A doer is fast, energetic and likes to be on the go. They tend to make brief comments and are always
focused on what should be done next.
• When giving feedback to a doer you need to focus on key points and avoid digging too deep
into details. It is vital that the feedback is given as soon as possible as a doer appreciates it
when situations are dealt with directly without creating excess drama.
Exercise:
Can you think of someone that you avoid giving feedback to? It is likely that this person has the reaction
style that you use the least. Decide to try a new approach, focusing on the needs of their reaction style
as opposed to your own. Rehearsing this skill will help you to improve your working relationships with
others that can sometimes become strained due to miscommunication and misunderstanding, just
keep practicing.
Hint:
Decide to give feedback more often. If it feels difficult at first, begin with giving positive feedback to
someone you know well. Practice this until you feel confident and you will be rewarded for your efforts.
51