The World Health Organization has defined life skills as, "the abilities for adaptive and
positive behavior that enable individuals to deal effectively with the demands and
challenges of everyday life".
Life skills help promote mental well-being and competence in young people as they face the
realities of life. Life skills empower young people to take positive action to protect
themselves and promote health and positive social relationships.
In this handbook DRF identified the core life skills – Self Introspection, SWOT, Decision
Making, Values, Goal Setting, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict
Resolution, Time Management, Team Work, Money Management, Self Esteem and
Being Proactive.
Self Awareness: This includes our recognition of ourselves, of our character, of our
strengths and weaknesses, desires and dislikes. Developing self-awareness can help us
recognize when we are stressed or feel under pressure. It is also often a pre-requisite for
effective communication and interpersonal relationships we well as for having empathy for
others. This comes from the most difficult question to ask of one's self: "Who am I?"
The Aspirant is able to discern available opportunities and prepare to face possible threats.
This leads to the development of a social awareness of the concerns of one’s family and
society.
Coping with Emotions: This involves recognizing our own emotions and of others. Being
aware of how emotions influence our behavior and being able to respond to emotions
appropriately. Intense emotions like anger of sorrow can have negative effects on our well-
being if we do not react appropriately. People and situations react with different emotions in
difference circumstances. Let's think about the four basic emotions: happiness, sadness,
fear and anger.
Empathy: This is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person, even in a
situation that we may not be familiar with.
Effective Communication: This means that we are able to express ourselves both verbally
and non-verbally, in ways that are appropriate to our cultures and situations. This begins
with the reflective questions "What is it that I want/need to convey? And why?" It moves to
"In what ways can I express what I want to convey?" and ends with "What results do I see
as a result of conveying this?"
Life skills enable effective communication, for example, being able to differentiate between
hearing and listening and ensuring that messages are transmitted accurately to avoid
miscommunication and misinterpretations.
Interpersonal Skills: Interpersonal skills help us to relate in positive ways with people we
interact with. This may mean being able to make and keep family relationships, which can
be of great importance to our mental and social well-being. It may mean keeping good
relationships with family members, which are an important source of social support. It may
mean being able to end relationships constructively.
T h is s y m b o l a n d t y p e f a c e in d ic a t e s im p o r t a n t p o in t s , in c lu d in g
k e y p o in t s w h ic h t h e f a c ilit a t o r s h o u ld e m p h a s iz e .
SWOT ...............................................................................................................................................7
Values ............................................................................................................................................. 21
Communication ............................................................................................................................... 47
Self Introspection 1
SWOT 7
Decision Making 13
Values 21
Goal Setting 33
Communication 47
Emotional Intelligence 61
Team Work 75
Conflict Resolution 83
Time Management 97
Money Management 109
Being Proactive 113
Learning Objective:
About a hundred years ago, a man looked at the morning newspaper and to his
surprise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. The news papers
had reported the death of the wrong person by mistake. His first response was
shock. Am I here or there? When he regained his composure, his second
thought was to find out what people had said about him.
The obituary read, “Dynamite King Dies.” And also “He was the merchant of
death.” This man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words
“merchant of death,” he asked himself a question, “Is this how I am going to be
remembered?”
Wait for the response from your aspirants. If they respond (R) by saying his
name as Alfred Noble. Say “Very good”……………
If they are unable to say his name, give a hint that “he is remembered today
by the great Nobel Prize”. Based on your aspirants response(R): If they say his
name. Say good ………If they are unable to say then tell them-
His name was Alfred Nobel and he is remembered today by the great Nobel
Prize. He is the person who invented Dynamite.
He could have taken many actions like compliant against the newspaper. He
could have taken it easy. He could have behaved rudely against the newspaper
agency and so on...
“When he saw his own photograph and the tagline – the merchant of death” he
looked into his own self and asked the following question. “Is this the way
people remember me after my death?”
He got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he
wanted to be remembered. From that day on, he started working toward peace.
The rest is history. Today we remember him with the noble prize.
Just as Alfred Nobel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values,
We should step back and do the same.
How would you like to be remembered?
Will you be spoken well of?
Will you be remembered with love and respect?
Will you be missed?
Draw your left hand and write down your influencing factors?
Give them examples basing on the example you have given at identities.
E.g.: If my identity is aggressive, I have adopted this from my father. I used to
see people respecting my father. They even feared to confront him. I want to
see people behave in the similar way with me. So in this case my father is an
influencing factor for me to be aggressive.”
Explain them with examples like “as a person I am very lazy but as a worker I
am so active.
Wait till aspirants complete writing their qualities as a person and as a worker.
They should list down at least four qualities in each column. Some qualities from
earlier exercise may come here again. Few qualities can be the same in both the
columns. That’s okay...
As a person As a worker
1. Lazy 1. Active
“The very reason for that is of its unique qualities. For example, it never
compromises in achieving its goal. It does not consume by outside conditions.
When it rains, it will not hide himself under any tree, but it will fly above the
clouds. So I also want to be like that.”
Does the picture you have just drawn resemble the present? Or does it
resemble the way you want to see yourself in future?
All the information or qualities that we have described on our right and left
hands are from our past. All the information or qualities that we described as a
person and as a worker are from our past. But best of me is from our future. In
rare cases it’s from present.
Wait for the response from the aspirants: You may get the response like Yes/No.
If it is yes, Say “good”…
Do you think all your identities and qualities will take you to this place
(picture)?
The response may be yes / no…If the response is yes then say “good, you are
doing well”…If it is no, Say “good”….” Now Say –
Whatever you are till now is because of the people you are associated. And now
if you want to move forward and achieve your goal as you have drawn in the
picture then with “Whom do you want to associate with?”
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Say your own example like, I would
like to associate myself with Stephen Covey to be a Good Trainer.
S e lf - In t r o s p e c t io n is t h e a r t o f u n d e r s t a n d in g a b o u t y o u a n d h o w
t o r e a c t t o s it u a t io n s g o in g o n in t h e w o r ld . It is t h e f u n d a m e n t a l
f o r s e lf im p r o v e m e n t . T h e m o r e s e lf -a w a r e y o u b e c o m e , t h e m o r e
y o u ’r e a b le t o u n d e r s t a n d o t h e r s , w h ic h h e lp s y o u in m a n y w a y s .
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are
heading”
SWOT Analysis
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
There was an old woman who was very fond of her little grandson. Every day
she kissed him and says goodbye when he left to school and stood at the door
waving out to him and watching him until he was out of her sight. One day as
she watched she saw to her horror a car traveling at a high speed go out of
control and hit the little boy. The boy fell down and the wheel went over his
heel before the car came to a halt. The grandmother rushed over to the
accident spot and watched in fear as the crowd that had gathered tried hard
to lift the vehicle off the crying boy’s foot without any success. The old
woman who could not bear to see her beloved grandchild in pain put all her
efforts to move the car. To the amazement of the crowd, she lifted the front
of the car off the boy’s foot and freed him. Everyone cheered her but the old
woman began to cry loudly. When she went home, her son asked her why she
was crying, instead of being happy for having done such a miraculous thing to
save her grandson.
Wait for the response from your aspirants. You may get responses like may be
with happiness, guilty etc.., list down the aspirants responses.
DEBRIEF
She realized her strength at the age of 60. She started to regret that she was
blind of her inner strength till now. If she had realized at earlier she would have
done much better.
“Taking this situation –what do you think she could have achieved if she
realized at her early age?”
Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response may be like she might
become great athletic, great player etc…
DEBRIEF
If she had discovered her strength at her early age, she would have achieved
more in her life.
Wait for the response from the aspirants. The response would be as “Now”. Say
good…
STRENGTHS WEAKNESSES
OPPORTUNITIES THREATS
What opportunities are open to What threats could harm you?
you? What is your competition doing?
What trends could you take What threats do your weaknesses
advantage of? expose you to?
How can you turn your strengths
into opportunities?
Now ask them to write down their opportunities & threats. Give examples for
threats & opportunities.
You cannot run away from weakness; you must some time fight it out or
perish; and if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?
It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your
values are.
Roy Disney
DECISION MAKING
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
To identify the true problem in any problematic situation and get the best
solutions
To look for various possible solutions and
To make best choice by analyzing and understanding the pros and cons of
every possible solution
Many of the aspirants may never have been given the responsibility to make their
own decisions, or may never have put a lot of thought into their decisions. As the
aspirants will be given the opportunity over the next couple of months to make
important decisions, they should be aware of how to go about the process of
decision-making.
The facilitator should go through an example with the aspirants where the cons to a
decision outweigh the pros, and vice versa.
1. Creating interest in the topic with the help of real life scenarios
2. Debriefing – Interactive session
3. Lecture
“I have a problem and I want your support in finding a suitable solution. Will you
help me?”
Give a real life situation scenario to make a decision. Or you may want to choose
the below example problem.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Example Problem:
Rahul is fourteen and has taken football coaching since he was five. He feels that he misses out
on many fun activities because he has to practice every day after school. He wants to quit
football coaching, but his mother will not allow him to. She says, “If you quit the coaching now
you’ll be sorry when you get older.” But Rahul wants to quit.
Now can you suggest me some of the ways I can solve this problem?
While the aspirants are giving various solutions, just list them on board. The
common tendency of people is to evaluate immediately.
For example if aspirant A comes with one solution, B will immediately encounter
it. If that is the case ...say, “We will first list out all the solutions you think are
suitable, then we will see which one is better for implementation. Okay? … Thank
you. Yes what is the next solution you suggest me?”
After all the points have been listed, now evaluate and compare each and every
solution with the aspirants and finally come up with “One Solution”. Erase the
irrelevant solutions on the board. Evaluate every solution and considered each and
every aspirant’s view points.
Thank you for giving me a wonderful solution. Now let’s look into what we have
done so far?
First we have identified what was the actually problem. Then we have come up with
all possible solutions to the problem with your help and have listed all of them on
the board. After that we have evaluated each and every solution considering the
pros and cons and finally came up with “One Solution”. We have chosen the best
solution for my problem.
Outline the following four steps as a process by which decision making can take
place. Write the steps on flip-chart paper and encourage the participants to copy
down the steps and examples.
All of us have to make decisions every day. Some decisions are relatively
straightforward and simple. Others are quite complex
So, how do you avoid making bad decisions – or leaving decisions to chance? You
need a systematic approach to decision-making so that, no matter what type of
decision you have to make, you can take decisions with confidence.
A logical and systematic decision-making steps helps you address the critical
elements that result in a good decision. By taking an organized approach, you're
less likely to miss important factors, and you can build on the approach to make
your decisions better and better.
Creating Solutions
Objective:
To provide the aspirants with the opportunity to solve realistic problems using the
four steps of decision-making outlined above.
STEPS:
Make the aspirants to divide into groups of 4-5. Each group will be given a different
problem that they may encounter when they begin working. They should be asked
to write down their answers on the piece of flip-chart paper/activity sheet provided.
Tell the groups that they must solve the problem they have been given using the
four steps of decision-making, and will be have to present their conclusions to the
rest of the participants after 15 minutes.
EXAMPLE PROBLEMS:
You may use the following scenarios or can come with your own real life situations.
A. Someone in the family gets sick and you are expected to take care of them
which mean that you have to miss work.
B. After you get married your husband insists that you stop working.
C. Family members are continuously asking you for money, leaving you with no
savings.
D. Your friend is getting married, but an important meeting for which you must
be present is scheduled on the same day.
Go around the class and help the group if they are finding it difficult to come up
with the solution. After the activity, make every group to come forward and present
the solution for the problem and why they think it’s the best solution.
Identify possible solutions - What are all of the ways you can react?
(Options)
1.
2.
3.
Evaluate and Compare each possible solution - What are the good and bad outcomes for each one? Think
about your personal and family values and the impact that the solution would have on your life.
(Outcomes for each option)
1.
*
*
*
2.
*
*
*
3.
*
*
*
― Mahatma Gandhi
Define values
Know the importance of values.
Demonstrate an acknowledgement and acceptance of the realities
Identify and prioritize one's own values
Develop an understanding of how values influence behavior
The facilitator should get the aspirants to think about their own personal sets of
values, and how they have acquired them. It is important to stress that values
should not be derived from family or friends, but instead through personal
experiences and beliefs. The aspirants should be reassured that it is good to
question the values around them, rather than simply accepting them as their own;
this in itself is a value. They should also be made aware of the importance of
standing up for your values, even if it means going against someone you love and
respect, or making someone angry. Values are a personal right, and should not be
dictated by others.
Steps: Divide the participants into groups of five people. Tell the groups what their
instructions are. Allow the groups to work on the problem for 10-15 minutes.
A war has just broken out, and your group is safe in a bomb shelter, which means
that you will survive. There is still room for three people. Please make a choice of
three individuals from the following list, who you would invite into the shelter, so
that they may survive also.
A pregnant woman
A doctor
A social worker
A policewoman
A 2 year old child
The list should be amended by the facilitator to ensure that cultural norms are
represented. Once the groups have made their choices, note down the choices on
the board. Then debrief on the following question:
We all lead a busy life with work, fun and home obligations. In this natural state we
don’t give attention to WHO WE ARE.
However, as I am sure you will agree, this is not you living but you earning a
living.
Many of us make changes from one profession to another; say from a policeman to
a computer technician. This then would identify you differently but you remain the
same "person"
So WHO YOU ARE is normally a constant, it is what defines you as a person. Are
you Serious? Lively? Caring? Angry? Loyal? Responsible? Creative?
Conduct a small activity. Ask the aspirants to close their eyes, after a minute
instruct them as follows:-
Imagine yourself that after 200 years you are on your death bed. You can see all
your family members, friends and people you know around you. They are all talking
about you. You can actually hear them talking about you. What were you to them?
What did you do to them?
After the instruction, be calm for about 5 mins to let them imagine. Then ask the
aspirants to open their eyes. Ask the following questions but don’t expect the
answers from them:
So - What Is A Value?
Aspirants may not be familiar with the term "values," they nevertheless operate on
some value system. The main idea behind this section is to allow aspirants to
realize that they do have values and to identify what some of these values are:
"There are some things in life that are very important. I believe that education is
very important.
What are some things that you believe are very important?"
They may suggest such things as "having a nice house" to "owning a new car."
Aspirants often tend to be oriented to concrete concepts, and they may not suggest
more abstract ideas such as "beauty" as something of real value.
If you feel that they do not offer many choices, you could list additional values from
the list below:
Values are your personal measure of worth shaped by your beliefs, ideas and
principles that are important to you.They shape your priorities and guide you
in deciding what is right and wrong
Values reflect our attitudes and what we believe about everything.
People's values differ and people and we should all learn to reapect each
others' values.
Examples:
a) A person who values family relations will care about his/her partner, children
and home life.
“love for my family is a value, I am willing to work hard for and maybe even
sacrifice to achieve it.”
That value reflects the fact that I believe love for family is more important than
anything else in my life. This should be reflected in my decisions and actions. If not
it is not what I value.
b) A person who values being healthy will exercise, eat the right foods,live
positively and avoid alcohol and tobacco.
Out of the list which four are the most important to you? Explain why you
have chosen them?
1. _______________ 3. _______________
2. _______________ 4. _______________
Highlight the following four values which should become second nature to every
aspirant...
Values play an important part in our lives. They help us decide what we expect of
ourselves and of others. Our values help us to make decisions.
One day, a train was approaching the small town. On the train was
a strange guy with a big suitcase. He was called David Raj, he
looked very ordinary indeed. What made him most unusual was the
fact that whenever he needed to communicate he did it by singing.
It didn't matter to David whether it was simply a matter of
answering a brief greeting, like 'good day'. He would clear his voice
and respond,
It wouldn't be unfair to say that almost everyone considered David a massive pain
in the neck. No one could get a normal, spoken, word out of him. And, as no one
knew how he made his living - and he lived quite simply, always wearing his same
old second-hand suit - they often treated him with disrespect.
They made fun of his singing. David had been in the village for some years, when,
one day, a rumor spread round town like wildfire: David had secured a role in a
very important singing concert in the nation's capital, and there were posters
everywhere advertising the event. Everyone in the capital went to see it, and it was
a great success. At the end of its run - to everyone’s surprise in the village - when
David was being interviewed by reporters, he answered their questions by speaking
rather than singing. And he did it with great courtesy, and with a clear and pleasant
voice.
From that day, David gave up singing at all hours. Now he did it only during his
stage appearances and world tours. Some people suspected why he had changed,
but others still had no idea, and continued believing him to be somewhat mad. They
wouldn't have thought so if they had seen what David kept in his big suitcase. It
was a large stone, with a hand-carved message on it.
Little did people realize that he only got the role in the concert because the director
had heard David singing while buying a newspaper.
Once upon a time, there was a tortoise on a ship, and the ship
sank. Sometime later the tortoise made it to a desert land
surrounded by water on all sides except for one. The landward
side led up to a big, stee p, craggy mountain. To avoid starving to
death, the tortoise decided to climb to the top of the mountain,
hoping that he would be able to cross to the other side.
When he got to the snow-covered summit he was freezing cold, and then a blizzard
started. He just managed to make out a small pathway leading down the other side
of the mountain. But the path was guarded by a big monster that wouldn't stop
shouting.
Such a sight and sound almost killed the tortoise with fright, and all he wanted to
do was hide his head inside his shell. But, looking around him, he saw that many
other animals were lying frozen to death and with looks of horror on their faces. So
the tortoise didn't go into his shell.
He summoned up all his courage to move down the path towards the monster. The
closer the tortoise got, the more the monster changed its shape. Then, when he
was almost upon it, the tortoise realized that what he had thought was a monster,
was only a great pile of rocks, which formed a shape just like a monster. As for the
"Uuh uuh uuh", the tortoise realized this was just the sound of the wind blowing
through a small cave.
The tortoise carried on, and eventually descended into a beautiful valley, filled with
woods, and plenty of food. The tortoise lived very happily here, and became known
everywhere as the Brave Little Tortoise.
You have had the chance to explore your personal values and to examine
other people’s values in relation to sustainable living.
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
This session seeks to make the aspirants aware of the need to have a long-term
goal and then helps them to verbalize their “dreams” in the form of a long-term
goal. It then encourages them to come forward with short-term plans that help
them reach those goals.
Start the session with the following activity. Ask 2 aspirants to come forward to
play the game. Instruct them as the following-
Instructions:
This game is about reaching number 20 first. Whoever reaches the number 20 first
would be the winner. Okay…. Now here are the instructions.
E.g.: If A starts the game with number 2(can start with either 1 or 2).Then B
would add (can choose either one or two) two and would say number 4. Then A
would add (can choose either one or two) one and would say number 5. Then B
would add (can choose either one or two)two and would say number 7 and so on
the game would continue till A or B reaches the number 20.
Let every aspirant play the game. Once everyone is done playing the game debrief
them. Ask them–
Wait for the aspirant’s response. Accept and node to every point the aspirant says.
And once they are done with the answer highlight the following points –
Always take the opportunity in life. (ideally the one who makes the choice of
beginning the game and chooses “two” to start will win the game)
You should know your opportunities. (when the other person gives choice to
start, starting the game or making a choice of beginning the game)Identify
your milestones. (Knowing right steps of reaching 20)
And then you can relieve to them the secret of winning the game.
2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 - 20
The person should take the opportunity to start the game and choose 2 first.
2 – 5 – 8 – 11 – 14 – 17 – 20 – these are the milestones. Even though in the
middle of reaching your goal, you miss a milestone, it doesn’t matter you should
rectify in the middle and try to get to the other milestone and be on track.
To reach your goal you need to have milestones. You should reach every
milestone one after the other to reach your final goal.
Objective: To get them to understand the importance of seeing the big picture and
to discuss the need to have the drive/focus.
Now I would tell you a Story... Do you want to listen to a story? ...
Once upon a time, a king ruled over a large kingdom. One day he decided to ride
out and tour his kingdom. On a sunny afternoon, he came across a site where
hundreds of artisans were hard at work. The king was curious to know what they
were building so he rode up to a workman and asked him “What are you doing?”
The man replied unhappily, “I am making pillars in this harsh sun.” The king then
asked another artisan what he was doing; the reply was “I am tired from cutting
this large pile of stones into stone bricks.” The king still didn’t get his answer, he
asked yet another work man who said “I am a master sculpture and I am working
hard chiseling idols out of stone”. Finally, the king came across a happy looking
workman whom he asked, “Please tell me what you are doing “The Mason replied
cheerfully “Oh King! All of us here are together going to make the largest and most
beautiful temple. I am so happy to be chosen as a mason who will build the walls of
the temple.”
1. What was the difference between the mason and the other workers?
(Or) What made the mason so happy?
2. How did knowing his contribution help?
3. What did you (the aspirants) learn from the story?
4. What is the need to have a vision?
5. Is being able to see the vision enough to achieve the goal?
6. What else is required?
GOAL SETTING
If you ask most people what their one major objective in life is, they would
probably give you a vague answer, such as, “I want to be successful, be happy, and
make a good living” and that is it. Those all are wishes and none of them are clear
goals.
Goal setting is a formal process for personal planning. By setting goals on a regular
basis you decide what you want to achieve. The process of setting goals and targets
allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you
want to achieve, you know what you have to concentrate on to do it.
By setting goals, you will also raise your self-confidence, as you recognize your
ability and competence in achieving the goals that you have set.
Firstly you decide what you want to do with your life and what large-scale
goals you want to achieve.
Then you break these down into the smaller and smaller targets that you
must hit so that you reach your lifetime goals.
Finally, once you have your plan, you start working towards achieving it.
Specific: The goal should identify a specific action or event that will take place. A
specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal.
To set a specific goal you must answer the six “W” questions:
Measurable - The goal and its benefits should be quantifiable. Establish concrete
criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When
you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates.
E.g.: if I want Honda Civic in 2 years I should know how much it will cost & how much I
need to work to achieve it.
Achievable - The goal should be attainable given available resources. When you
identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can
make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial
capacity to reach them.
E.g.: if I want Ferrari in first 6 months, then it’s not achievable.
Realistic-The goal should require you to stretch some, but allow the likelihood of
success. To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are
both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the
only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every
goal represents substantial progress.
E.g.: if I want to build a house on Moon, then it’s not realistic.
Time Bound –The goal should state the time period in which it will be
accomplished. A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame
tied to it there’s no sense of urgency.
E.g.: if I want to buy Honda Civic then there should be a date, on which date I want to buy
it, else it’s IMPOSSIBLE that I will achieve it.
Not only should you set SMART goals, you should also set both short-term and
long-term goals.
Short-term goals are ones that you will achieve in the near future (e.g., in a day,
within a week, or possibly within a few months).
A short-term goal is something you want to do in the near future. The near future
can mean today, this week, this month, or even this year. A short-term goal is
something you want to accomplish soon.
Long-term goals are ones that you will achieve over a longer period of time (e.g.,
one semester, one year, five years, or twenty years).
A long-term goal is something you want to do further in the future. Long-term goals
require time and planning. Long-term goals usually take 12 months or more to
achieve.
After explaining SMART Goals, Short Term and Long Term Goals, make the
aspirants to write down in their books with the help of the given format–
What is a SMART GOAL?
Help them to set their Short Term Goals and Long Term Goals in a SMART
way
Give lot of time to the aspirant to decide on the goals. Don’t rush and go around
and help aspirants to identify what they really want to achieve in life.
Your Goal:
Specific
What will the goal accomplish? How and why will it be accomplished?
Measurable
How will you measure whether the goal has been reached (list at least two indicators)?
Achievable
Is it possible? Have others done it successfully? Do you have the necessary knowledge,
skills, abilities, and resources to accomplish the goal? Will meeting the goal challenge you
without defeating you?
Realistic
What is the reason, purpose, or benefit of accomplishing the goal? What is the result (not
activities leading up to the result) of the goal?
Time Bound
What is the established completion date and does that completion date create a practical
sense of urgency
Goal setting is a continual process, and it calls for a strong sense of priority and
self-confidence. Start with easy, short-term goals that you know you can meet
fairly quickly. This will give you the satisfaction of accomplishment. Evaluate what
your goals are for the next two to five years.
VISUALIZE your Goal: Imagine yourself how your life would be after ach
VERBALIZE your Goal: Speak/Tell to people you will be having this by this
date, tell yourself I will have this by this date.
VITALIZE your Goal: Feel your living your Goal, feel your having what you
have always wanted to have.
You verbalize what you want to believe. Then visualize yourself or your situation as
if it has already happened. Adding the emotion that you would feel if what you
affirmed were truly so will, in turn vitalize you.
"We put more focus on how, when or why to start our goals but almost none on
how to maintain them."
Some people are afraid they will fail or, even worse, that they may actually
succeed. As such, they don’t even bother trying to attain a goal. Such people lack
belief in them and in their potential. In their mind, if they fail, everyone will think
negatively of them. And if they succeed, people will be envious and think negatively
of them. But realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. Believe in
yourself and your abilities and others will, too.
Many people mistakenly believe that goal setting simply means putting a goal on
paper, setting a date for completion, marking off checkpoints as they occur and
then starting all over again. Such a mentality hinders people from success, because
a goal isn’t a one-time thing that you eventually scratch off a list. Setting a goal is
really about changing yourself for the long-term. Goals are fixed and immovable
destinations that show the world who you want to become or what you want to
achieve.
Even though people state they want to achieve a certain goal, in truth, they’re
really not committed to it. Because of this lack of commitment, they don’t give the
act of goal attainment their full effort. And as with anything in life, if you don’t give
it your all, you receive mediocre results. Commitment is crucial for attaining any
goal.
4. Inactivity.
After setting a goal, writing down dates and setting checkpoints, some people stop.
They never actually take that first step needed to progress toward their goal. But
realize if you don’t get started, you can’t go anywhere. Without action, nothing
happens. So if you’ve created a goal list and now wonder why none of your goals
are transpiring, ask yourself what action steps you’ve taken to achieve your goals.
If you haven’t taken any action, now is the time to start.
People often begin setting goals without a solid destination of who they want to
become or what they ultimately want to achieve. But if you don’t have a destination
in mind, then you’ll never know which road to take to get where you want to go.
Your destination needs to be clear – something you can visualize and describe to
others. Without such a clear view of what you want in life, you’ll be forever
changing course and falling short of your potential.
6. Failing to plan.
While many people understand the formula of goal setting, they don’t have a plan
for goal attainment that’s personalized to them and their experiences. In other
words, they neglect the gifts they possess which can help them attain the goal, as
well as the people they know who may be able to help them. We each bring so
many unique talents and attributes to the table, and we know a multitude of people
who can help us in some way. Be mindful of these advantages during your planning
process and use the resources you have available to you.
Some people have too many goals and not enough focus. It’s like they’re standing
in front of a dart board with three targets in mind. Hitting just one target is difficult
enough; hitting three targets simultaneously with one dart is impossible. Therefore,
determine the one goal you are focused on and move forward with that one goal
only. Eliminate other goals that are secondary. This is not to say that you should
never have more than one goal. Rather, you need to realize that you have only so
much time and energy. Therefore, choose the goal that will give you the highest
ROE (return on effort) and focus on that one goal first. Once complete, you can
then focus on other goals in sequence.
Some people really don’t believe they’re worthy of attaining the goal. As such, they
self-sabotage themselves. Perhaps they suddenly walk away from the key contact
that will help them with their goal, or they neglect to do a critical activity that will
enable them to achieve their goal. People who feel unworthy usually lack self-
confidence, and confidence is the keystone to goal attainment.
Finally, many people are simply satisfied with what they have and where they are in
life. As such, they don’t explore what else is available or what greater things they
could achieve. Research tells us that there are only two motivating factors that
cause people to change: pain and pleasure. And even if someone is feeling pain in a
situation, that pain may not be great enough, or he or she is simultaneously
receiving ample pleasure, so the person doesn’t strive for more. Change and goal
attainment only happen when you’re ready to break the status quo and truly want
something better in life.
You should allow yourself to enjoy the achievement of goals and reward yourself
appropriately.
Ev e r y b o d y h a s d r e a m s a n d m o s t p e o p le h a v e g o a ls . If y o u w a n t y o u r
g o a ls a n d d r e a m s t o b e c o m e r e a lit y , y o u m u s t m o v e t o w a r d t h e m
c o n s is t e n t ly a n d p u r p o s e f u lly . T h e m o r e y o u c o n c e n t r a t e o n s h o r t -
t e r m g o a ls , t h e m o r e lik e ly y o u a r e t o r e a c h y o u r d r e a m o r v is io n .
Y o u s h o u ld a ls o r e v ie w s h o r t -t e r m g o a ls o n a p e r io d ic b a s is , m a k in g
s u r e t h e y a r e le a d in g y o u t o w a r d y o u r f in a l g o a l.
Paul J. Meyer
COMMUNICATION
Communication is not a single act but a process involving various elements. The
process involves the sending and receiving of messages. Successful living requires
effective communication skills. Learners communicate using various elements
within the process of communication. Examining communication in life skills it is
important that you focus on the process, methods, barriers, and listening skills in
your day to day interactions with other learners through technology, speech, drama
and gestures in your learning environment.
As you go through life the success of your interactions will depend mainly on how
you communicate. This module will enable the aspirants to develop their
competences to help them communicate effectively in real life situations.
Acquire skills for self management and effective communication and apply these to
their life.
Steps:
Make the aspirants to line up next to each other, and be in front of them.
Batho Batho – The hands should be above you raised to the sky.
Tell them to do what you say and not what you do. Whoever does the opposite will
be out of the game. The last person left will be the winner.
Instruction:
Ask the aspirants to form a circle. The facilitator will whisper a short, 2-3 sentence
tale into the ear of one of the aspirant. He/she will then whisper what they heard
into the ear of the person next to them, and so on. The last person, seated beside
the first person to pass on the tale will say what they heard out loud. Inevitably,
the tale will differ greatly from the original, and will cause a few laughs!
Debrief:
Why do we communicate?
We communicate to:
have fun
express our feelings and thoughts
help others
learn more about ourselves
learn more about others
share the world with others
learn about the world around us
relax from the rigors of life
persuade and influence others
test and resist influence of other people on you
Process of Communication
Communication can help you recognize and realize your potential. Hence great
importance has been placed on the process and its use.
Discuss with the aspirants on the following – Write down the list on the board
Always use the pronoun 'I' to express your feelings about something or
someone
Accept feelings. Respect a person’s right to express his/her emotions in an
appropriate way
Be a good listener in order to acknowledge other people's feelings
irrespective of how they have been communicated.
Be sure to communicate clearly so that you can be understood.
Be assertive. Be sure you stand up for what you believe in without hurting
the other person’s feelings.
Activity 3:
Materials:
Prepared cards
Steps:
1. Ask the aspirants to form groups of three. Ask each group to decide who will
be the speaker, the listener and the observer.
2. Ask the aspirants in each category to form separate groups far from one
another for a briefing on their roles.
Give each listener one written instruction from the below list to follow:
At least one of the listeners should get the first instruction from the above list.
Instruct the speakers to think of something they feel strongly about, or like to
talk about, and to be prepared to speak on this topic for 3 minutes when they
return to the group.
Ask the observers to silently note all interactions between the listener and the
speaker. Remind them that they should remain silent.
Discuss their reactions to the exercise, what happened in each group and how they
felt. First ask the observer to explain, then the speaker and finally the listener may
reveal the instructions.
Debriefing:
How does it make you feel when someone doesn’t listen to what you are
saying?
The facilitator should write down all responses on board or flip-chart paper for
everyone to see.
Listening starts with you. To become an effective listener you have to open your
ears, shut your mouth and open your heart. Listen to what people are saying
versus simply hearing them; you will learn a lot about yourself in the process.
Listening involves:
a) Selecting
b) Attending
c) Understanding
d) Remembering and
e) Responding
Look at the pictures 1 to 4 below and identify what is good or bad listening skills.
Write answers in boxes. Discuss the outcomes.
Elements of listening
Stop whatever activity you are engaged in and give the speaker your full
attention (stop watching TV, Stop reading.)
Look at the person; do not turn away from the speaker.
Keep a good distance between you and the speaker.
Sit-up straight.
Divide the aspirants into pairs and give them the following situation for discussion.
Think of an instance when you attempted to share some deep feelings with
someone regarding an important issue.
How successful were you in getting the listener to understand your feelings?
What was the outcome of this interaction?
Reflect on what you liked and what you did not like.
Share with your partner your honest feelings about the discussions. Describe what
went well and what was difficult – interruptions, comments, affirmations.
A s h u m a n b e in g s, w e h a v e a n a t u r a l t e n d e n c y t o f ilt e r in f o r m a t io n
w e h e a r . A ll t o o o f t e n w h a t w e h e a r is n o t w h a t w a s s a id . Lis t e n in g
s h o u ld b e c o n c e r n e d w it h c o n t e n t f ir s t a n d f e e lin g s s e c o n d Lis t e n in g
is a p a s s iv e a c t io n . O u r p e r s o n a lit y p la y s a n im p o r t a n t r o le in h o w
w e ll w e lis t e n .
T h e s e s k ills lik e t h o s e o f s e lf -e x p r e s s io n , c a n b e le a r n e d , p r a ct ic e d
a n d m a s t e r e d . O u r s o c ie t y p la c e s m u c h m o r e a t t e n t io n o n t h e s p o k e n
s id e o f t h e c o m m u n ic a t io n e q u a t io n , b u t if y o u t h in k a b o u t w h o
in f lu e n c e s y o u , a r e t h e y g o o d t a lk e r s o r g o o d lis t e n e r s ? A s w e c o m e
t o u n d e r s t a n d o u r s e lv e s a n d o u r r e la t io n s h ip s w it h o t h e r s b e t t e r , w e
r e d is c o v e r t h a t c o m m u n ic a t io n is n o t ju s t s a y in g w o r d s ; it is c r e a t in g
t r u e u n d e r s t a n d in g .
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
1. Creating interest in the topic with questions from real life examples
2. Debriefing – Interactive session
3. Story – How to control emotions
4. Examples on emotions from daily life
5. Examples about successful people
Start the session with the questions using real life examples.
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: Very
Happy, Excited etc… Now ask the second question.
2. You are a good hard worker. You prepared well for the
exam/Interview. You have even spent full night for your
preparation but unfortunately you failed in the selection. What
would be your feeling?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. Their responses will be e.g.: sad,
very bad, depressed, upset etc…
If they are unable to respond then you inform them that those are feelings
for a moment which is nothing but emotions.
Emotion builds on momentum. The more you let it dwell, the stronger it gets.
The more time you give it, the wilder it gets.
Now tell them about positive and negative emotions using the following
examples.
1. If your facilitator appreciates your work. you will feel very happy
2. If your facilitator criticizes you on your response to her /his question. Will
you feel happy? (R) No… so you feel bad and you will get angry on your
facilitator. You will never try to put out your thoughts before your
facilitator because of a fear of that facilitator. You will feel shy among your
friends. Right!!! ……..(R) yes.
3. If you ask your father to buy a new bike for you. If you get negative
response from your father what will you feel about your father…….Angry
and you won’t talk to him for some time till you get your things, or get
over your anger.
4. You are a good aspirant who knows something about the topic but what
stops you from voicing your thought ………..nothing but fear! What others
may think about me if I am wrong.
The feelings you get are based on the situation which makes you happy,
active, positive, angry, fearful or rejected etc...
If the emotions provide you discomfort and you are unable to get the things
done then you label those emotions as Negative emotions.
Once upon a time there was a little boy who was talented, creative,
handsome, and extremely bright. He is a natural leader. The kind of
person everyone would normally have wanted on their team or project.
But he was also self-centered and had a very bad temper. When he got
angry, he usually said, and often did, some very hurtful things. In fact,
he seemed to have little regard for those around him, even friends. So,
naturally, he had few. “But,” he told himself, “That just shows how
stupid most people are!
Of course, those weathered oak boards in that old fence were almost as
tough as iron, and the hammer was mighty heavy, so it wasn’t nearly as
easy as it first sounded.
“As a sign of your success,” his father responded, “you get to PULL
OUT one nail. In fact, you can do that each day that you don’t lose
your temper even once.”
Well, many weeks passed. Finally one day the young boy was able to
report proudly that all the nails were gone.
At that point, the father asked his son to walk out back with him and
take one better look at the fence. “You have done well, my son,” he
said. “But I want you to notice the holes that are left. No matter what
happens from now on, this fence will never be the same. Saying or
doing hurtful things in anger produces the same kind of result. There
will always be a scar. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re
sorry, or how many years pass, the scar will still be there. And a verbal
wound is as bad as a physical one. People are much more valuable
than an old fence. They make us smile. They help us succeed. Some
will even become friends who share our joys, and support us through
bad times. And, if they trust us, they will also open their hearts to us.
That means we need to treat everyone with love and respect. We need
to prevent as many of those scars as we can.”
Every one of us has our own set of values and standards. These standards
govern every part of our lives. These are the behaviors/actions that we set as
acceptable or not for ourselves and others. When one of the standards is
violated by yourself or someone else, you will feel angry (at the other person or
at yourself) and/or guilty (of yourself).
1. Evaluate whether you misinterpreted the situation. If so, the fact is that no
value has been violated.
2. If someone else violated your value, know that your standard may not be
standard for others. Just because something is right for you, does not mean it is
right for everyone else. Everyone has their own set of values; the person
probably has no idea that they violated one of your values. Follow up by
communicating to the person neutrally about the importance of that standard for
you. This will ensure that it never happens again.
3. Accept that you have violated one of your values, and vow never to do it
again. Brainstorm ways to prevent it from happening again, and how you would
deal with it if you are caught in the same situation in the future.
When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about
the situation. Ask yourself:
The final step is deciding how to respond & what action to take.
'Now that I have figured what's going on and why is it happening, what should I
do about this?'
'What can I do, that will help me to get what I want instead of expressing anger?
'How can I communicate this better to others?' (When the source of the problem
is poor communication)
No matter how you answer those questions, be rest assured that the solutions
that you come up with will be objective. Because you were not driven by your
emotion, you assessed the situation with a clear mind.
Ask the aspirants if they have experienced the following situations in their life.
1. What made you stop from expressing your opinion or idea to
your facilitator in your class?
2. What made you stop from telling your examination results to your
parents?
3. What made you stop from telling to your parents that you have
done something wrong?
If they are unable to respond then you tell them that it is fear that stopped
you from expressing, share your problems, ideas etc…in some situations even
people who you know so well like your parents.
Now tell to the aspirants that those are all outputs of fear but those are not
fear. So ask again what is fear?
Now they will be unable to respond to your question..
We create a negative, imagined scenario about the future. Here’s the truth:
you don’t know what is going to happen, so these thoughts can’t possibly be
true. Buy into these thoughts, and you are inviting limitation. Let them float
on by, and you will see what is actually true for you.
When the truth is that we don’t know what is going to happen. Become
comfortable with not knowing so that fear doesn’t rule you.
When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid in that particular
situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it. Then
new challenges await you, which certainly add to the excitement in living.
With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength
develops. You begin feeling stronger and stronger and stronger.
This should be a relief. You are not the only one out there feeling fear.
Everyone feels fear when taking a step into the unknown. Yes, all those people
who have succeeded in doing what they have wanted to do in life have felt the
fear - and did it anyway. So can you!
When it didn't work for the first time, Edison made a note of
exactly what he'd done and what components he had used. Then
he made an adjustment to the experiment and tried again. And
when that "failed" he made a note of that, readjusted and tried
again. He kept learning from every experiment. He learned all the
ways that it wouldn't work. He discovered all the chemicals and
elements that wouldn't work. And each time he found a way that
wouldn't work; he knew he was closer to finding a way that
would work.
Pause for some time and let the aspirants think about the story
Now ask them the following questions with discussions….
What do you understand from the story?
Wait for the response from the aspirants.(R)might be like “Edison tried
10,000 times to see his success…..say Very good……….to the aspirants.
Now ask the following question
What is the big failure in your life that made you feel - sad, cry,
fear, cut down the relationships ………?
Wait for the response from the aspirants Example of (R) Passing
intermediate, not getting required job/position in the office………Now ask
the below question……….
Did you try it again to succeed?
Wait for the response from the aspirants Example ( R ) They may tried or
they may not tried…say good if the ( R) is tried with some efforts then
ask the B question.If the ( R) is not tried then ask A question
A. How many times you tried?
B. What stopped you to try it one moretime?
Wait for the response from the aspirants. And now ask the question
below.
Have you found what are the wrong steps you have taken during
your efforts and trails?
Do you feel fear about the people or society who judges your failure? It won't
be long time because they're too busy worrying about their own failures.
You know what you are and your efforts? and your parents know what you
are then why worry about people judging’s?
Think ones whether the judging of the people makes you reach your
success or dragging far from your near step to success.
You and your efforts are important for you to reach your success.
You must not disappoint your parents who are eagerly waiting to see your
success.
How did you learn to ride a bike? The short answer: you fell off 100 times.
Every time you make a mistake or fail, learn as much as you can from it so
that you are better prepared next time.
Action Step: Write down the top five things that you learned from your last
mistake or failure.
Now that you have learned something from your mistake, move on. Don’t
dwell on your past. You can’t tell where you are going if you are looking
backwards. Also, dwelling on your past failures will keep you in prison right
where you are.
Action Step: Write down the top 5 things you want to try in the future.
Don’t let the fear from your last failure stop you from reaching your greatness,
goal, dream, or potential. Just like learning to ride that bike, you didn’t fall
once or twice and then give up.
Action Step: Take what you have learned and try it again now that you are
better prepared.
If you don’t succeed, what will the outcome be? Is it something so terrible or
is it something manageable? Often when we look at things in this perspective
we realize it’s not as bad as we think and this alone helps mitigate some of the
fear.
Action Step: Write out the absolutely worst case scenario your imagination
can come up with. Ask yourself, can I handle this if it happens? If yes, move
forward with it.
If your fear is extreme or truly preventing you from moving forward or making
those much needed changes in your life, don’t jump in full force, take it a bit
slower and get your feet wet a little bit at a time. This sometimes eases you
into an opportunity; depending on the situation this may not be possible, but if
it is, it can help ease the transition.
Action Step: Write out all of the small steps it will take for you to achieve
your next goal.
Yes, you may have failed at something in the past, but that doesn’t mean you
will fail again. Even if it’s an attempt at something you’ve never tried, keep in
mind the age old saying “nothing ventured, nothing gained”. If you fail you
can say at least you took that chance; if you never even tried, you lose, but
it’s worse than failing because you’ll never have made the attempt. Keep
positive and give it your best shot, because reaching a level of confidence is a
definitive measure of success.
Action Step: Go to a mirror right now and say out loud, “I can do anything I
put my mind to. I can do it; I can do it, IF I put my mind to it.”
No matter what it is that you are trying to achieve, surround yourself with
successful people that have done what you want to do. One of the best ways
to overcome failure is to learn how other people just like you overcame failure.
This will not only encourage you but give you the proof that it can be done.
Action Step: Find a person or a group of people who are successful and get
around them as soon as possible.
Reach out and communicate with others who have dealt with the same issue
you feel you’ve failed at. See what made them succeed and if they have any
tips. If anything, they’re likely able to offer some moral support so when the
going gets tough, you have some words of wisdom to fall back on.
Action Step: Make a list of all the people you can talk with and all of the
books you can learn from.
Failure and mistakes aren’t fun but they are what help us learn to be great at
whatever it is we are trying to achieve. “There are no secrets to success. It is
the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” - Colin Powell
Action Step: Think back of a time where you succeeded. Then think how
many times you failed or made mistakes to get to that success.
Take your fears and make them work for you. Use them as the driving force to
conquer your hesitations by allowing them in to inspire and motivate you
rather than languish within you.
Overcoming fear is one of the biggest obstacles people have with change.
Change is intimidating, but much good can come from change, but you’ll never
know unless you try.
By not letting fear run the show, you can ultimately discover your fears are
conquered and you’ll have more confidence when the next big decision or
change arrives.
Will know that one plus one is always more than two
Will come to know every role is crucial
Will be able to realize that the team’s goal is more important than individual
goals.
Will come to know the very reasons we blame each other in a team and the
consequences of blaming others.
Will learn the qualities of a good team player
Start the session with the activities. Ask aspirants that are they interested to play
activity? Explain the activity with the instructions before the activity.
Instructions:
Ask aspirants to divide into two equal groups.
Show them starting point where first person in the team should stand
Ask them they should make a longest chain.
Ask them they can use all the resources which they have.
Brief them about the activity
Briefing:
A team which forms as longest chain would be the winner. Explain them they will
have 5min to make a longest chain.
Tell each group that the aim of this game is to make the longest chain. The chains
must be made of only the available resources which are being worn by the people
in the group. The team with the longest chain wins.
Debrief:
Ask aspirants following questions:
1. What did you understand from the game?
Wait till you get responses from the aspirants. List down all the points on the board
and discuss on the same.
2. What happened to other team could not make longest chain?
Give time to think and ask them to give answers. List down all the points and
discuss on the same with the aspirants.
Start the second activity. Ask are you interested to play one more activity?
During the process facilitator needs to be more observant to observe the behaviors
of the participants in each team. Participants’ behavior in everyday life would be
very much similar to the way they behave during the game. Hence it is very much
important to understand their behaviors and use the same during debriefing after
the game.
Possible behaviors:
Focusing only on building tower and forgetting to build the base
Not participating actively and waiting for instructions from other team
Not accepting the opinions of other team members
De-motivating team saying with an attitude of “anyway we will fail”
Focusing on others towers
Disturbing others teams
Giving priority to self than to team
Give the groups about 30 minutes or more. Measure how high each team’s
newspaper tower is. The team with the highest tower wins the game.
Debrief:
1. What are the learning of this exercise?
Explain:
Take the activity one and explain how team works to accomplish the tasks.
Now distinguish the team and team members. One team member in the team is not
performing, would definitely impact the team’s performance.
Better way to making aspirants to understand the importance of team work will be
defined by identifying the weakest links and co-operating them to accomplish the
tasks.
When members apply different skills they are often able to come up with a more
effective solution than one person working on the same problem.
Mutual support can have the benefit of encouraging people to achieve goals they
may not have realized they could reach on their own.
In order for teamwork to achieve the benefits, individual members must work well
together. They need to be able to put thoughts of their own accomplishments aside
to work for the benefit of the team.
Advantages of Teamwork
Gives better end result with high quality performance from each team member.
Normally more input results in better thoughts and judgments and the overall
process is improved.
Team involves every person, his expertise and his responsibilities.
Execution of new ideas can be more effective and efficient.
It increases ownership with wider communication.
Shares information and increases learning in the team and in the whole
organization.
Provides more security and develops personal relationship in the context of
business operations.
A particular problem can be easily solved with more ideas at the same time.
Gives probability of solutions and can select the best one from those
possibilities.
It increases willingness of every member to take more risk.
Better understanding of the decision-making process.
People can share common goals and interests among others.
In a group, it is easier to examine the problems and identify various solutions.
A team can handle more difficult and complex problems in the workplace.
A group increases the accuracy of problem solving.
For single problem you get many solutions and they can be solved rapidly.
Now ask aspirants “do you want to become leader?”, if they say yes...ask “why
you want to become a leader, then ask them to become a leader what
qualities one should have?”
List down all the points on the board and discuss with the aspirants on the same
points.
Take in others' suggestions. When someone gives you an idea, work on it. Think
of how you can improve on it. A good leader is one that listens and not just talks.
Show the team you are flexible to consider their thoughts.
Include everyone. If some people are a little left behind, help them. Always try to
include them. Find a task for everyone no matter what their skill or level.
Encourage your team. Sometimes people are scared to try something and this is
where the leader comes in. You have to encourage your team mates and show
them that the task is possible, even if difficult, and try to make it fun for them.
Show them the positive results of their work.
Know what you are talking about. If your teammates are as confused as you
are, how will they know what to do? As the leader, you must do the research first,
or have the most information.
Pay attention to morale. A demoralized team won't function. You must set the
positive spirit, make the goals clear; show how the job is feasible and possible. No
one will work for an impossible goal.
Are people fighting more these days, or does it just seem that
way? Whatever the case, learning to resolve conflicts can help
young people break down barriers, become leaders, and even
prevent deadly confrontations.
-- Albert Einstein
Learning objective:
Ram feels that his manager, Shyam, does not keep him informed of what is
happening in the business. Ram works primarily offsite with customers and can
be away for long periods of time. Shyam promotes Shiva, Ram’s colleague,
based on his qualifications and experience.
Ram feels he missed out on the promotion he was expecting. He believes that
this is because he is not based in the home office on a full time basis and he has
been treated unfairly. He becomes mistrustful and negative towards his
manager.
Ram’s enthusiasm for the job starts to decrease. He does "what is necessary" to
get by at work. His commitment to the business is diminished. Shyam becomes
increasingly frustrated by Ram's attitude.
Shyam challenges Ram over a customer complaint, words are exchanged and
tempers flare.
At the end of the story following questions must be raised by the facilitator to
initiate discussion in the classroom
Activity
Materials
Allow 30 minutes for this part of the activity. Have Aspirant walk around
and look at the others' creations.
At the end of the activity following questions must be raised by the facilitator to
initiate discussion in the classroom
1. Did you get angry or frustrated with your partner while doing this?
2. Did you like the way your project turned out?
3. What kind of voice did you use to tell your partner what to do?
4. What would you do differently next time?
Ask the aspirants “what did they understand what Conflict means? And then
explain the meaning and cuases.
Conflicts
When Facilitator asks aspirants to describe a conflict the first things It makes the
person feel. Frustrated… tired… angry… defensive… tense… guarded…
sad… These are all feelings very much associated with a conflict, regardless of
what the conflict is. It’s interesting too because once we start talking about
conflict and bringing up an example of a time when we experienced a conflict, I
see guards come up, walls being built, physical discomfort, and can feel the
tension in the room raise. It becomes very hard to talk about the situations
without feeling them again.
Facilitator should introduce conflict and ask the questions to undersand conflict
resoulutions.
You just got your driver’s license and you ask your dad if
you can borrow his bike on Friday night. He wants to
know where you plan on going, and you tell him that you
want to drive three of your friends to the movie theatre.
He quickly says ―No, you aren’t ready to drive a bike full
of loud teenagers.‖ You yell that he’s ―unfair‖ and is
―trying to ruin your life.‖ He says that now you have to wait a month before you
can borrow his bike for any reason.
Discussion Questions:
1. What would be a better way to respond to your dad after he said
you couldn’t borrow his bike on Friday? Why do you think he said
“no”?
2. How can you resolve the conflict, or at least ease your dad’s
anger? What can your dad do to resolve the situation?
The above exercise will make the aspirant to understand causes of conflicts and
realise them.
Characters:
Aspirant 1: Wants to use the tape recorder
Scene: A classroom
Asp 1: Quick! I've got to use the tape recorder!
Asp 2: But I'm using it now. I'm listening to this story.
Asp 1: That's not important. We need it for this play we're doing.
Asp 2: Can I be in the play?
Asp 1: No-we already have enough people. There's no room for you.
Asp 2: (pauses) I'm using the tape recorder.
Asp 1: Don't be a jerk! You can listen to that story anytime. We really need it
now!
Asp 2: So do I.
Asp 1: No you don't. See if I do anything for you ever again. You slob! You pig!
You jerk!
Asp 2: Oh! I'm telling on you!
Asp 1: I'm telling on you too, creeps face!
After the role play ask the following questions for open discussion:
Conflicts may be the sources of defeat, lost life and a limitation of our
potentiality but they may also lead to greater depth of living and the birth of
more far-reaching unities, which flourish in the tensions that engender them.
Explain that cooperating involves a number of things, like being patient and
accepting differences. Ask the aspirants for other characteristics
(communication, compromise). Explain that they are going to need to use these
skills for the following activity.
Group of 4 to 5:
• Each group receives the same amount of materials- Newspaper, glue, one
pair of scissors, and A4 size paper.
• Ask the aspirants to make one interesting article from the newspaper.
Anything is acceptable, as long as each person in the group contributes to
the creativity.
• Allow 20-30 minutes for this part of the activity. Have aspirants walk
around and look at the others' creations.
• Back in the large group, discuss what compromise or discussions and
skills were required during the activity:
Did you get angry or frustrated with your partner while doing this?
Did you like the way your project turned out?
What kind of voice did you use to tell your partner what to do?
What would you do differently next time?
We meet situations every day in which they must decide how to balance
their own interests in relation to the interests of other people:
a. You want to be alone, but a friend wants to be with you. What do you do?
b. A classmate teases you or calls you a name. How do you respond?
c. You're walking along a busy city street with your mom and decide you
want an ice cream cone. You know your mom won't be enthusiastic about
the idea. How do you ask?
In these situations, aspirants need to know that they have choices. They can go
on the attack. They can stand up for their interests or convictions. Or they can
give in, going along with the other person's request, even though they don't
want to. Adults call these choices "aggression," "assertiveness," and
"submission." With aspirant, we speak of being mean, being strong, and giving
in.Introduce the words "mean," "strong," and "giving in." The aspirants will
probably have a good idea of the usual meanings of these words. Elicit their
understandings.
Although we're partial to assertiveness, sometimes we'll agree to "give in" and
let a friend join us even if we really want to be alone. We may see that the
friend is feeling blue and needs some companionship; or perhaps the friend has
a compelling reason for spending time with us now — she's going away or has
something important to tell us. Sometimes we may need to be very firm to get
our point across to someone who just isn't getting it, and that person may
experience us as mean.
Learning & Development Page 95
Learning & Development Page 96
Time Management
Say:”Let me tell you about a person who is a woodcutter. His name is Ram"
Ram’s job is to cut trees. When he joined the company he used to cut 20 trees.
Then he gradually reduced to 18 trees and then slowly to 16 trees. He continued
to cut 16 trees everyday and continued for quiet sometime. Then a new
employee named David has joined the company. David started with cutting 16
trees. Then he gradually increased to cut 18 trees and now he cuts 20 trees
daily.
After a year, it was appraisal period. Ram was cutting 16 trees per day where as
David was cutting 20 trees per day.
The manager appreciates David and gives him increment. Ram was not given
any increment.
Now, if you were Ram what would you speak to the manager?
Debrief:
It’s all about managing time. Can we Manage Time??? Wait for the aspirant’s
response. We can’t manage time. Time is the only thing you can’t get it back. So
Time Management is all about “Self Management”. We can only manage
activities in Time.
Draw a line on the board and locate the years of birth and current year and
expected year to die (200 years from now could be good ideal and would also be
fun in the classroom)
Year of death of
Year of birth of the aspirant
the aspirant Current year (expected to die)
Now ask the aspirants to draw similar line in their note book and list down the
roles they have played so far in their life under the heading “Roles I have played
so far”.. for example: son, friend, student, brother,……. (give some time for
writing)
Once done, ask them to identify five important roles they want to play in future
from now.
Cross verify the roles identified by some of the aspirants if they have identified
the roles properly, which means one of the roles they have identified should give
them access to achieve their goal.
If required correct them by explaining why one of the roles should be there to
achieve their goals.
Time log
My daily schedule:
Time Activity
Ask aspirants to write till they go to bed. After finishing the time log ask
aspirants to discuss on what they have written. It actually defines the day
schedule of individual.
Now explain the aspirants how to overcome problems and maintain the time
with the help of the Time Matrix model and tell them it enables us to prioritize
our activities and use their time more effectively. With the help of the model, we
can evaluate activities in terms of importance and urgency.
Say:
Time Matrix
Explain Time Matrix and its quadrants. And ask aspirants the following
questions:
1. What do you mean by Important?
Wait till you receive the responses from the aspirants and give your explanation
Important:
Important activities have an outcome that leads to the achievement of your
goals, whether these are professional or personal.
Urgent activities demand immediate attention, and are often associated with the
achievement of someone else's goals.
Urgent activities are often the ones we concentrate on; they demand attention
because the consequences of not dealing with them are immediate.
Explain
Now explain Time matrix and how this model defines one’s self management.
And also this model enables us to prioritize our activities and use their time
more effectively. With the help of the model, we can evaluate activities in terms
of importance and urgency.
The activities in Quadrant 2 are important but not urgent. These activities are
characterized as preparation, planning, crisis prevention, and deadline-avoiding
tasks. Operating in this Quadrant will mean a manager having a proper
perspective, vision, balance, discipline, control and few crises
The activities in Quadrant 3 are not important but urgently press upon us and
interrupt our more important activities. These include responding to drop-in
visitors, phone calls, meetings, and mail that do not increase productivity and
effectiveness. Operating in this Quadrant will mean short-term focus, crisis
management, worthlessness of goals and plans, feeling of victimization and
broken relationships.
The activities in Quadrant 4 are neither important nor urgent. Busywork, time
wasters, junk mail, and some phone calls are the type of activities that are a
part of this quadrant. Operating in this Quadrant will mean total irresponsibility
and over-dependence on others in addition to outcomes in Quadrant 3.
Ask aspirants what they have understood from the explanation of quadrant
behaviors.
Now get the information from the aspirants and ask following questions
III IV
Results Results
Short term focus Total irresponsibility
Not Important
Debrief:
Ask Aspirants to look into their goals and how best they are with the Time Matrix
7.00 am to Watching TV
7.30
Total
Note: facilitator should take the above time log as his/her own example.
Say
If I wanted to become Head of the Department, ask question to aspirants
Am I doing correct? If they say no ask why?
Above segregation of time is depended on the individual Roles that what they
wanted to become. For example Ram wants be CEO in the organization, for him
reading news paper would come under Q4.
If Ram wants to become IAS officer, then reading paper would come under Q2
(He has to update his current affairs knowledge to appear competitive exams).
QII
QI
QIV
QIII
Explain aspirant how best we can use quadrants tell them that Focus on
QII so that we can avoid our self from confused works like last moment
tasks.
Explain avoid the QIV completely and delegate some works which come
under QIII.
Explain aspirants that to produce the productive Time Management one should
follow the Ideal Time Management.
List out the points from aspirant for Time management mistakes:
We will fail in prioritizing our task when we don’t have goals in our life.
Explain:
Brief aspirants one should focus on common mistakes, which really distracts our
day life and ultimately damage our Time management.
Jabulani’s Secret
A long time ago, there was a boy named Jabulani. One morning before
anyone had woken; he was walking along a dirt road watching the sunrise.
As he walked, he noticed an old deserted barn in the distance. Something
made Jabulani curious about this barn, and he began walking faster and
faster towards it. Once he had reached the barn, he could see that much of
its‟ wood had rotted and that it was in desperate need of repair. He gently
pushed the door open to look inside. Jabulani‟ s mouth dropped open and
his eyes stared wide with amazement. Jabulani‟ s curiosity had led him to a
magical place indeed. In the barn, there was an unusual machine that was
spitting out tiny bits of gold. Jabulani could not even begin to understand
how it worked, but was very certain, that gold was what he had found. He
quickly picked up as much gold as possible and went back to his
Jabulani continued to visit the old barn in those early hours of the morning
when everyone else was asleep. He continued to collect the gold made by
the unusual machine.
Debrief:
Remind participants that after they use some of their salary for important living
costs, they will have some money left over.
Explain the following:
This will be new money that they are not used to having - just like Jabulani‟ s
new-found gold.
It will be very tempting to spend all of this extra money on things that they have
always wanted to buy. They must not forget where the money is coming from. If
they want to continue having this money in their life, even if something happens
to themselves or their job, they must put some of it away for a rainy day as
SAVINGS.
What would happen to you in the future if you won’t save the money?
What are the sources for saving Money?
Now write down all the points which are shared by aspirants on the board.
Explain each point and suggest them which would be the right choice for them to
save.
LEARNING OBJECTIVE:
Start the session with the story and discuss about the story
There was once a grasshopper who loved life. He spent his time lazing in the sun,
eating when he wanted to, sleeping when he wanted to, and generally enjoying
himself all the time. He lived like he did not have a care in the world.
One day as he was sun-bathing, he saw an ant pushing a bread crumb across the
ground. The grasshopper asked, "Hey brother! What are you doing?" The ant
replied, "I am gathering food for the winter while the weather is still warm. Once
winter sets in, I am going to stay home and just eat from my stock of food."
The grasshopper made fun of the ant's dull life and went on sun bathing saying,
"There's enough time for such boring work. You should take time to have fun like
me." Soon the summer passed and the winter started to set in.
When he stepped out, everything was covered with snow and he could not find
anything to eat. He continued to search for food every day. He did not find
anything. Finally, he grew weak and died of hunger.
DEBRIEF:
At the end of the story following questions must be raised by the facilitator to
initiate discussion in the classroom
Ask the aspirants “what did they understand what proactive means? And then
explain the meaning.
DISCUSS PROACTIVE:
Proactivity means, taking responsibility to make things happen in every step of life,
initiating, creating opportunities, choosing our responses to several day to day
situations, developing the ability to look beyond the limits. In other words it means,
stopping blame game in all aspects of your life.
Being proactive also means that we don’t blame other people for the things that we
do. Everything is a choice that we make, and so we are responsible for everything
we say and do.
Ramu was a facilitator at DRF. One morning Ramu was eating breakfast with his
family. His daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto his shirt. Ramu has no control
over what just happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how
Ramu reacts/curses? He harshly scolds his daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, he turns to his spouse and criticizes
her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle
follows. He storms upstairs and changes shirt. Back downstairs, he finds his
daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She
misses the bus. His spouse must leave immediately for work.
He rushes to the car and drives his daughter to school. Because he is late, drives
40 miles an hour in a 30kmph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing Rs
600 traffic fine away, arrives at school. His daughter runs into the building without
saying goodbye. After arriving at the centre 20 minutes late, he finds that forgot his
files. His day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
He looks forward to coming home, when he arrives home, he finds small wedge in
his relationship with his spouse and daughter.
Why did he have a bad day? What caused it? Who caused it?
He had no control over what happened with the coffee. How he reacted in those
5 seconds is what caused his bad day.
Predict what you think would had happened next at the centre with his aspirants?
Gather responses from the aspirants and analyse the consequences of Ramu.
Once done tell the aspirants the Proactive Behaviour scenario as below:
Here is what could have and should have happened if Ramu was Proactive.
Coffee splashes over Ramu. His daughter is about to cry. He gently says, "It’s ok
honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel he rushes
upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and his files, he comes back down in time to
look through the window and see his child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.
He arrives 5 minutes early and cheerfully greets the aspirants. His S1 comments on
how good the day he is going to have.
1. Did you Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the
same. Both ended differently. Why? It is just because - how Ramu REACTED
against the situation made difference.
2. What are the key learning’s of the story
3. Name some ways Ramu was reactive in the first scenario.
4. List Ramu’s signs of being Proactive in the second scenario?
5. Can you recall similar situation(s) from your personal life
Reactive
When a man is reactive, there is no space between what is happening to him and
how he responds.
Stimulus Response
Proactive
A proactive man creates the space he needs to choose the best response to the
situation he is in.
In the second scenario Mr. Ramu realized that in the middle of the stimulus-
response model, humans have the freedom to choose their responses.
Humans respond to a stimulus like a computer responds to its program. They are
not aware of their programming and do not have the ability to change it.
But if you choose to be proactive and not let your situations determine how you will
feel, will be happy in whatever is the case.
We can tell the difference between proactive and reactive people by listening to the
language they use.
―I choose.‖ ―I can’t.‖
―I prefer.‖ ―I must.‖
O n c e w e d e c id e t o b e p r o a c t iv e , e x a c t ly w h e r e w e f o c u s o u r e f f o r t s
b e c o m e s im p o r t a n t .
SCENARIO:
Example: Starts worrying, Tension, Cry, Loses hope, starts getting angry and scolding people
Each of us should try to pause before we act. We can make a good choice. We
should ask ourselves:
What choices do I have?
Will my action let myself and others think good things about me?
Will my action be positive for other people?
Will my action harm something that does not belong to me?
Am I willing to be responsible for this action?
Activity –You are supposed to attend an interview at 10 am and you boarded the bus, due
to an accident the bus halted in a traffic jam. How do you react to that situation as you
were preparing for this interview for last one year?
Understand Pause—Think—Choose
In the box below, write down your reactions and your reactive behaviours.
Example: Starts worrying, Tension, Cry, Loses hope, starts getting angry and scolding people
Pause
In the box below, write one or more ways you can pause to take control and keep
from reacting badly.
Example: Calm down and think about alternative solution what can be done next.
Think
In the box below, write what you’ll think about—your choices and the results
(consequences) or impact on you and those around you.
Eg: a) Call & inform the interviewer a) The interviewer finds the person to be responsible
b) Walk down and take another vehicle b) Might reach on time.
Choose
In the box below, write what is the one best chose you would make and why.
Call and inform the interviewer in advanced, so that the interviewer would be known in prior and can
schedule the appointments accordingly to prevent last minute disturbances.
Being "Proactive" means accepting responsibility for your attitudes, thoughts, and
behaviour, instead of blaming other people or circumstances.
So what is "responsibility"? If you break this word down, it's the "ability" to
CHOOSE your "response".
People who are proactive have developed the ability to respond rather than react to
things, people, and circumstances. When you lose your temper, experience
depression, feel irritable or tired, or answer before you think, you're actually
reacting and not responding.
Scene 1:
You and your friend were going on a bike and suddenly another bike rider has cut
you down very rashly and you had to brake.
Scene 2:
After the incident, you continue your journey and after a while suddenly again you
had to brake because a little school boy.
Scene 3:
Then you move on again with your journey and after sometime suddenly again you
had to brake. This time it’s a buffalo.
C h o o s in g a r e s p o n s e t o a n y s it u a t io n is a c h o ic e y o u m a k e f o r
y o u r s e lf a n d it is co m p le t e ly in y o u r c o n t r o l.
As human beings, we have the capacity to be proactive. We can focus on the things
that we can actually do something about, or we can add to the stress in our lives by
worrying over the things we have no control over.
Locus of Control
Step 1: The outer Circle is your Circle of Concern. In this outer circle make a list
of all your concerns.
Egs:
My friend doesn’t reach on time to the class.
My sister does not value her studies.
The bus conductor speaks very rudely & is
disrespectful.
My facilitator doesn’t clarify my doubts.
Step 3: So now it’s time to focus on the inner circle – your Circle of Influence.
Being in the inner circle, let’s ponder around the following question.
“ N o t ic e a ll t h e t h in g s y o u a c t u a lly h a v e c o n t r o l a n d in f lu e n c e o v e r
w it h in t h is s it u a t io n . N o w t a k e a c t io n o n t h e t h in g s y o u h a v e t h e
p o w e r t o in f lu e n c e ! ”
You have many choices in a day, many of which you have complete control over.
These are within your Circle of Influence (control). But some things are within your
Circle of Concern (No Control) because you can’t change them.
The more time you spend in your Circle of Influence, the happier you’ll be because
you’ll feel more in control of your own life.
“You have control over three things: what you think, what you say, and how
you behave. To make a change in your life, you must recognize these gifts are the
most powerful tools you possess in shaping for form of your life.”
--Sonya Friedman
Would be able to make powerful choices at every step of life and become
responsible
Will no longer blame people or circumstances for their own shortcomings
Would not get negatively consumed by others behaviour
Would be ready to go an extra mile to expand their circle of influence, with
the question ―What can I do now so that I can influence this person /
situation for better?‖
Visit again:
Revising this session would help our aspirants in overcoming the following
situations
If the aspirants are not willing to take responsibility in any situation / for
their own shortcomings
If they are making disempowering choices
Living in blame game
Getting negatively impacted by others behaviour
Emotionally imbalanced
Feel victimised
Understand Pause—Think—Choose
In the box below, write down your reactions and your reactive behaviours.
Pause
In the box below, write one or more ways you can pause to take control and keep from
reacting badly.
Think
In the box below, write what you’ll think about—your choices and the results
(consequences) or impact on you and those around you.
Choose
In the box below, write what is the one best chose you would make and why.
C“Choosing
h o o s inagresponse
a res ptooany
n ssituation
e t o aisn ay choice
s it u a t iomake
you n isforayourself
c h o icand
e yitoisucompletely
m ak e inf oyour
r y ocontrol.”
u r s e lf
a n d it is c o m p le t e ly in y o u r c o n t r o l.
My Concern: _______________________________________________________
“Notice all the things you actually have control and influence over within
this situation. Now take action on the things you have the power to
influence!”
Circle of Concern:
Circle of Influence:
Actions: