Misconceptions of Love

1. Falling in love

Of all the misconceptions about love the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that
“falling in love” is love or at least one of the manifestations of love. It is a potent
misconception, because falling in love is subjectively experienced in a very powerful
fashion as an experience of love. When a person falls in love what s/he certainly feels is
“I love him” or “I love her” but two problems are immediately apparent. The first is that the
experience of falling in love is specifically a sex-linked erotic experience. We do not fall
in love with our children even though we may love then very deeply. We do not fall in love
with our friends of the same-sex – unless we are homosexuality oriented – even though
we may care greatly for them. We fall in love only when we are consciously or
unconsciously sexually motivated. The second problem is that the experience of falling in
love is invariably temporary. No matter whom we fall in love with, we sooner or later fall
out of love if the relationship continues long enough.

2. Infatuation

Are you not sure if you are really in love with that person or just infatuated? It can be
confusing! You think you might love them, but you don’t really feel like this is what love
should feel like, or you are worried that you are just making it all up in your head. The
difference between infatuation vs love is that infatuation is a short-lived passion for
someone whereas love is a deep affection for someone that lasts the test of time. The
problem is that infatuation is a powerful feeling that can make you think you are in love.

3. Love is Blind

"Love is not blind-It sees more and not less, but because it sees more it is willing to see
less." Will Moss"Love is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind." James Graham.

"Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a
suit by it." Maurice Chevalier

Lovers are often blind to the beloved's negative traits and tend to create an idealized
image of the beloved. We often love the idealized object rather than the real one. Are we
then blind when we fall in love and when we maintain it? In a surprising number of cases,
people fall in love with their idealized vision of their lovers, or with the idea of being in
love, rather than with the actual reality of their lovers. Indeed people often say that they
are living out their dreams with their beloved. Positive illusions are in fact central
to romantic love. Lovers do not see clearly, if at all, their beloved's negative traits and
tend to create an idealized image of the beloved.

4. Dependency

"Love" that comes from fear isn't love — it's neediness. Emotional dependency comes
from the inner emptiness that is created when you abandon yourself — and you then
expect your partner to fill your emptiness and make you feel loved and safe.

Once you make your partner responsible for your happiness, safety and worth, then you
need to try to have control over getting him or her to love you the way you want to be
loved.

5. Sex
Love and sex are NOT the same thing. Love is an emotion or a feeling. There is no one
definition of love because the word “love” can mean many different things to many
different people. Sex, on the other hand, is a biological event. There are countless
nonsexual ways to show someone you love them. You can show a person you care for
them by spending time with them.

6. Saying “I love you” means you actually love someone

Love is an easy word to throw around; it feels good to hear it and to say it. Expressing
our feelings in words certainly helps our relationships, but just saying “I love you” doesn’t
prove you actually love someone. According to the Bible love is an action, not a just a
feeling. People feel loved not just by what you say but by what you do, so it’s important
that we make the decision to love by taking action.

7. Love doesn’t last

Have you ever been so afraid of pain or rejection that you didn’t even want to try to be
close to someone? Close friendships can create turmoil. When we are close to someone,
they will inevitably hurt us because people aren’t perfect. But love doesn’t have to end
when we get hurt. Friendship is not inferior with love. Love and friendship is forgiveness.

8. I can make myself a more loving person

Perhaps the biggest misconception we have about love is that it comes solely from
ourselves, and that we don’t need God to love. But if God is love and love comes from
God, then how is it possible to love without God? We won’t be able to love others if we
don’t make the decision to submit to God and believe that the only way to learn real love
is from God. The Bible says that if we know how much God loves us, we can put our trust
in his love. When we live our life for God and believe that love comes from him, our love
grows.