Villadores 1

Mariah Villadores

Professor Brown

Interpersonal Communication

11 June 2019

Have you ever sat back and really evaluated who you are as a person? Have you really taken the

time to think about why it is you do things a certain way, or why you might relate to some things more

than others? Well, over the past few weeks I have had the wonderful opportunity to do some deep

thinking and research to figure out more about certain aspects of myself. Not to say it is a bad thing, we

all need to take a good look at ourselves and in my aunt’s words, “get our lives together”, because how

can I tell you about who I truly am if I don’t know who or what that is for myself?

Completing this assignment definitely forced me to think about my self-concept: which in is

defined as the relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself (Oxford 71). Perceptions that I

often avoid focusing on, due to them being things I don’t often talk about. In my opinion, I feel it

honestly took me way longer than it should have to complete my 4 quadrants. Why did it take so long,

you might ask? Well to begin to explain, I felt that while growing up I have always been uncertain about

who I am, I never really had the chance to fully express my personality. My coat of Arms truly reflects

who I am, and in my case, is extremely honest. In the following paragraphs, I will further discuss the 4

quadrants in my Coat of Arms, which include: Culture, gender, reflected appraisals, and social

comparisons.

Culture is defined as: “the language, values, beliefs, traditions, and customs people share and

learn.” (Oxford38). For me, culture is the difference in traditions that my family shows during our

gatherings. My last name is: Villadores. I find that I am always asked,” Are you Hispanic?” No. No, I am
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actually not Hispanic. My mother comes from an African American heritage, and my father is of both

African American and Filipino descent. My mother’s family are often the ones to prepare the

deliciousness we call soul food, and on the other hand, my fathers’ family will often prepare more

traditional dishes like lumpia and adobo. Growing up, it almost always seemed as if I was too Asian to

identify with my black friends, and too black to identify with the Filipinos. I soon felt as if I was in a

category of my own. As an adult I now realize, no, I am not just African American; I am mixed race and

proud. I have discarded the ignorant opinions that often haunted me as a kid that made me believe that

I did not fit in, and have embraced the beauty of being a part of two cultures. My picture that I chose

represents what feel is a majority of my culture, being that I am mostly African American, I strongly

identify with that and black history.

When we talk about gender, we are referencing the social and psychological dimensions of

masculine and feminine behavior(Oxford 50). You can be a male that identifies more with femininity,

you could be a female that identifies more with masculinity, or you could be either one identifying

equally with both ends of the spectrum thus making you more so androgynous. In my own words, your

gender is whichever group you feel you fit in with the most, man or woman. Growing up with two older

brothers, I was obviously a tomboy. Because of that I boxed, rode bikes, and even played a little football

from time to time. I was always getting dirty and I have a billion scars on my legs to show for proof. My

grandmother would be furious when I tore holes in my stockings, got dirt all over my dresses, or scuffed

my shiny church shoes and sandals. To this very day, I am still rough and much like a tomboy, but I know

I am a Female; I just show a little more masculinity than others. I chose the picture depicting the female

reproductive system, because I know I have the ability to reproduce and I can be feminine when I want

to be. I still play football and I still like to box a little for fun, but I know when it comes time and comes

down to it, I can rock a dress and bomb pair of heels with no effort.
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A reflected appraisal is known as a mirroring of the judgments of those around a person (Oxford

72). Simply put, reflected appraisal is when we let what other people say about us, become who we

show ourselves to be. As I look back on my childhood, I realize that reflected appraisals really didn’t

affect me until middle school. On certain television shows, it is easy to identify the cheerleader, the jock,

the nerd, and the funny guy or smart alec. With identifying those people, you also see their buddies

egging them on to be more of the character type we’ve already noticed that they were, in a sense

boosting their behavior to uphold that reputation or in the nerds’ case, yearn for popularity. My Middle

school or Junior High years, is the time frame where I truly began to realize that I was the class clown.

Everyone laughed at my jokes, or tried to do something crazy to get me to laugh and joke, or cause a

scene; and that is when I stepped into being class clown in its full glory. I was always told that I was a

goofy person, and it felt good that it seemed like everyone liked me for my funny personality. I was

often wonder whether that was a good thing, because I would never intentionally try to be funny. I

usually just said what was true or the first thing that came to mind, which I guess my delivery played a

big role in that as well. It often led me to ask myself: Are people laughing at me or with me? Sometimes,

I guess it was a little bit of both, and that is okay because I have embraced it as a part of who I am, which

is why I chose an image of the comedian Kevin Hart. Not to say I am as funny as him, but I can definitely

relate to his sense of humor.

Social comparison is the way we evaluate ourselves in terms of how we compare with others.

When we make ourselves feel bad because others have things we don’t or they get to go places we

cannot, to me that is social comparison. The idea of social comparison in regards to me is a very

depressing topic. I have always compared myself in a negative way to others, and it is draining. I have

brought myself to believe that I am a loner, and I feel that I have never had any true friends. This feeling

of loneliness or inferiority, mostly stems from the fact that I don’t see people as being true to

themselves around me. I more often feel that people associate with me based off of what I can do for
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them, or what I can give them, and not because they truly enjoy my company or personality. I notice

that I have a lot of “friends” on social media, but not all of those people are individuals that actually

make time and show an effort to be around me, contributing to my feelings of loneliness and

unpopularity. The picture of the boy in the sandbox alone stood out to me, because that is often how I

was left feeling. Looking back at it now I understand that this is a toxic way of thinking, because there

are many people who find success and comfort in being to themselves, and from my point of view it

leads them to a better quality of life because the importance of fitting in is no longer made a priority in

their lives.

These four quadrants truly reflect the woman I have come to be. I am now proud of the person

that I have become and I accept everything that comes with knowing me. I understand and can be

comfortable with the fact that no two people are the same, and that what may be good for someone

else in no way has to be beneficial to who I am in my life journey. Yes, there are moments in life where

something someone else says or does will make you take a good look at yourself, and in that you may

feel that certain things have been proven to be true. In the end it is up to us to determine whether we

will let those outside opinions actually hold meaning and be able to change how we see ourselves and

live our lives.

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Works Cited

Adler, Ronald B., et al. Interplay - The Process of Interpersonal Communication. 13th ed.,
Oxford University Press, 2015.