8

Loss Of A Loved One

Tragedy CAN Become Joy Again…
After leaving England at the age of 21, my wife, our new born of six
months and I, made Holland our new home. Having left England with no
degrees or certificates, it was somewhat a struggle in the beginning.
I eventually took a first aid course in Dutch, to prove to myself that I had
mastered the language and my journey of education, took off from there.
During the years that followed, I gained many diplomas in the field of
engineering. In my free time, I had become a reasonably well known
figure in the sports world (darts and snooker) both as a player and a
tournament leader/organizer.
I dabbled as an inventor, which brought me in contact with some of the
top echelons of the business world in Holland. I played with Network
Marketing and connected with people in many countries. I learned and
taught NLP and how to be an empowering public speaker. It was said
that I could sell air and in one of the businesses in which I participated, I
had to-until I eventually got across to the USA to buy products for myself.
Around 1997, I decided to focus on developing my own business. One of
my inventions was peaking interest in the communication industry and
really taking off. It was around that period of my life, that the first tragedy
struck. My best friend died suddenly of a heart attack, at age 41.
Seeming Detour
Angie and I had become adults with this friend and his wife (our best
friends). We had met the day after arriving in Holland and had raised our
children, more or less, together. Both of our families loved each other
dearly. Our friend left behind him a wife and two young children. At the
time. I couldn’t get my head around it.
Two short years later we lost our friends' son, who also died of heart
failure, at the age of 14. Another two years later we experienced loss
9
again. This time, it was our friends' second child and our own daughter,
both 14, in a tragic car accident. Now we were experiencing what it truly
meant, to lose a child.
For nearly three years, Angie and I walked around like zombies. We hid
in many bottles of alcohol, trying to escape the pain. I continually asked,
“Why me?” “Why did this have to happen?” and got very close to the
point of suicide. Never in my life, had I wanted anything to do with GOD,
religion or any other woo-woo stuff.
You can imagine that I was asking now…
A Chance meeting with an Angel
Often times, after Susanna passed over, my wife and I would go for
walks around the lake near our home. One particular day we were
feeling very down and depressed and decided to take a walk. As we
walked onto the fields before the lake, we heard what I can only
describe, as a dozen cats having something unimaginable happening to
In my awakening journey, I have experienced
angels many times. They have always been
human angels placed upon my path at the
precise moment that I needed them.
Sometimes they didn’t even know why they
called or were there. They just knew that they
had to be - and they were.
Thank GOD for Angels….
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them.
As we moved closer to the lake and rounded a particular corner, far
away in the distance, we could see someone sitting on a bench -playing
what appeared to be bagpipes.
Now, normally I love the sound of bagpipes, but what was being brought
forth from this instrument, was some kind of!!!! Oh heck, I am not even
going to try to describe it - but you get the picture!
So, to follow our normal route, we would have to bypass this gentleman.
To be honest, I was curious too, so I didn't really mind. Just as we were
about to walk past him, he stopped playing.
We heard him take a very deep breath and off he went again. Only this
time, what we heard was the sweetest rendition of a most popular song -
one that has touched many hearts. This song definitely stirred ours. I
stopped about 4 meters further up the pathway and looked out over the
lake. I allowed my emotions to flow. Tears were streaming down my
face. Every single hair on my body seemed to be electrified.
The music was absolute perfection - not a note or beat was missed. I
listened to every single moment with all of my being.
As this gentleman finished playing, our eyes met. I can only describe his
look as a "far away" look. I am not even sure he saw me. I bowed my
head and thanked him.
As I caught up with Angie, who was a little further ahead, we looked at
each other's tear filled eyes, knowing that no words were needed. We
had just been touched by an Angel. An Angel who had played, especially
for us, his special rendition, of "Amazing Grace".
Love and bright blessings to this gentleman and the Angel for that day!
Around this time, a very good friend of mine gave me the book The
Celestine Prophesy by James Redfield, to read. Thank God he did, as I
feel that this book literally saved my life. It awakened a spark of curiosity
from deep within. I began asking new questions and opening to
metaphysical ideas.
I read all of James Redfield’s books and practiced the techniques
described in them. Slowly but surely, my intuitive and other inner abilities
11
began to awaken. I felt a profound recognition of truth from deep inside. I
began to visit the chat rooms online and meet many wonderful people -
many of whom I still consider friends to this day. Eventually, I was
introduced to the Secrets Of Shambhala, and I felt another stirring deep
within me.
The Shambhala Multi Dimensional Healing Attunements were founded in
1998 and offered courses in developing inner skills. I traveled to the USA
(June 2002) to meet with a group of my online friends and to take the
Mastery course. I enjoyed working with the energies so much, that I
became passionate about sharing them with others from my home and
via the internet. This again, introduced me to a great many wonderful
people from all corners of the globe.
This was a choice in my journey that led me to finding a degree of
happiness again. I started to discover many of the answers that all who
have lost a loved one, seek answers to.
Continuing my focus on expanding inner awareness, I became very
intuitive which lead to me talking to my guides. I became very empathic.
I learned how to facilitate healing, guiding others to allow the energies to
flow into them and accept their own healing for themselves.
I expanded to experiencing the initiations into the Elements, which
brought another profound step in my journey. For the first time after
Susanna’s passing, I communicated with her again.
It was after the initiation into the Ether element and as Metatron (among
other duties, the Lord of the Ether element) and I chatted about the
initiation, he eventually announced, that there was a being waiting to
speak with me. As you can imagine, in the beginning there were many
tears, but as the conversation went on, Susanna began to teach me what
our true relationship was and how soul contracts work. This was the true
beginning of my freedom. Freedom from the bindings that ego and the
3d Illusion had placed upon me.
Since this experience, I have also found answers as to why we are here
and what our sacred soul contracts are. I have met many people whom I
know I had agreed to experience certain things with. It is easy now not to
judge them, but to experience them for what they are -and they most
definitely are expansions of our total being. I now know where we are
going and I am passionate about sharing this with as many people as I
can.
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New Path of Awakening
Sometimes I wondered that had I made different choices, would certain
events have been different? Could I have awakened earlier to my
journey? Could I have seen the signs earlier and recognized the contract
agreements? I now know, however, that these events were all absolutely
perfect for the soul journey of everyone involved.
Having experienced loved ones die and for myself to have to go through
so much pain, allowed me to surrender to deeper aspects of myself - a
surrender that I know I would not have made otherwise. It generated a
huge difference in the way I view and experience life. In sum, it greatly
enhanced my spiritual journey.
Full Circle
All the skills I developed early on in my life and those of most recent
times, are now being put to a much higher purpose - my own awakening
and that of others. This happened for a while, particularly via the Online
Spiritual Community* (which I and two close friends founded). Teachers
from around the world shared their light, wisdom and insights with us,
and all that entered the online community. I found great joy in assisting
people to step into their power, and in sharing the secrets of this
universe with so many.
I am blessed for every single experience I have lived in this life. I have
found great joy, sometimes bewilderment, sometimes confusion, and
sometimes pain. This is all a part of life as we awaken more to the why
we are here and what we truly are. I understand that “I” arranged all of
this and I AM following my own divine plan, just as each of you are. (Boy
that was hard one to get my head around in the beginning.) I know why I
am here. I have found unconditional love. All I had to do was be open
and willing to ask!
I am now traveling the world sharing my experiences with those that
desire to hear. I have written a book and another is on its way. Who
would ever have expected that? Certainly, not me.
Who would have ever believed that I, at a certain point in my life, would
embrace GOD and all that it entails. Again, certainly not me.
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Who would have thought that I would stand in front of hundreds of
people, LOVE every single one of them, and know, that they love me
back? I would never have ever dreamt of it.
Life, when one begins to understand the true purpose, really IS a JOY.
Sharing
This is perhaps, one of the most essential
parts of anyone’s awakening journey. The
more you are willing to share with others what
you are experiencing, the more answers you
will find.
Have the courage to ask questions. You might
be surprised at the answers you get and from
where you get them. They often come from
places or people you might not have expected
them from.
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Sharing
Why I feel sharing is so important in our
journeys
From the very beginning of my awakened journey, I realized that by
sharing my thoughts, my experiences and what was happening in my
life, I more often than not received answers to questions I was currently
wrestling with. By being willing to share your experiences, you are
putting out to the universe that you have many questions. The Universe
has so many weird and wonderful ways of placing answers on your path.
Enjoy!
I consciously chose the word wrestling, because at that time in my
journey it often felt that way. In the period of my awakening, to use a
popular term, I had so many questions. I was like a sponge and I was
looking to get my answers from anywhere I could. What I didn’t realize at
that time, nor would I probably have trusted or recognized them as such,
but I had all of the answers inside of me and that I could simply tap into
them.
I used to frequent the Celestine Vision * chat room a lot. I made many
new friends there - many of whom I am still in contact with to this day. At
that time of my life, I was still recovering from that very tragic period, and
this was a safe place to be. I could log on or off whenever I chose. If it
became too difficult, I could always cut and run. There were many there
who influenced and assisted me in my awakening journey. I could often
be found there until deep into the night so that I could meet up with
people from all over the world and their different time zones. One of the
things I clearly remember is that I could not understand why some there
had their answers all the time and that I did not. I will NEVER forget my
question to the moderator of the system one day.
My question was: “How come I am not getting answers to my questions
John?” The answer that came back to me with, totally peeved me. Boy!
Was I angry with him! I thought he was fobbing me off with some kind of
flippant remark. It took some time for me to realize, but I will forever be
grateful to him for his reply. It was: “Go inside Ian and you will find your
answers.”
(In fond memory of a wonderful being Mr John Winthrop Austin. I will
always be grateful John and we will always Love you.)
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I of course, at that time, did not realize that I was indeed always looking
outside of myself for answers. Please do not misunderstand me here.
This was a very valuable lesson - and an important part of my journey.
By my willingness to share and ask questions I was being helped along
on my own journey, while assisting others upon theirs. As I was asking
questions and being a student, I was allowing others, to be the teacher.
I also devoured one book after another, attempting to find the answers to
my questions. I found many answers, and in doing so, I found that I was
finding even more questions. Every single book provided answers and
more questions!
I would take these questions into conversations either online (internet) or
offline. One of the main lessons and perhaps the most important, was
that I have and always have had the belief, that there are no stupid
questions - only people who remain in ignorance because they did not
ask their questions.
At a certain point in my journey I started to learn and realize that I was,
indeed often receiving answers to my questions from within. I know you
are going to recognize this next statement because I know we have all
experienced it, or will. In the beginning, I doubted those answers. I did
not totally trust them. Those of you who are still in that space, I can hear
you asking now: "Well how did you come to learn to trust them?"
Although I can feel my OPOM’s* chuckling at this one, however I am
taking it absolutely serious. The simple answer to that one is “TIME” and
the willingness to play with it.
The simple fact of the matter is, the more you play with it and the more
you share, the more chances you create of having what you are
receiving, confirmed from other sources. “SHARING!” This builds the
trust factor and at some point you learn to totally trust what is coming
from within.
Another fascinating fact I would like to share with you here is - we have
been receiving our messages all of our lives. We just didn’t know what it
was and we didn't trust it or give it a second thought. We didn’t recognize
it for what it was. The realizations I am sharing with you now came to me
because I shared my experiences with others We exchanged
experiences and we all got our confirmations. This is why I feel that this
part of our journey is so important.
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There are many great speakers around the world, many wonderful
writers and authors. I would certainly recommend you listen to or read
their work. You see it is my belief, that all of us are a part of the big
puzzle. We are all, to a certain extent, answers to all the questions. We
just have to share and intermingle to get the 'right' combination to
decode the puzzle, so-to-speak. This is a whole different subject and I
will definitely be coming back to that one in a later chapter as to why I
know this is so.
You could also, of course, go within after reading or listening to these
writers and authors and ask whether it is still current or accurate. The
reason why I say 'current' is that we are evolving at such an unbelievable
rate right now, sometimes some of the information written will already be
out of date or at the very least have changed to a certain extent.
I do firmly believe that we are all important. Yes! YOU too. You, who may
be just starting out on your journey. “YOUR” questions will refresh or
bring more clarity to those who have been travelling their journey for
many a year.
Sometimes it takes a little courage to share your experiences. Once you
get past whatever blockages are preventing you from sharing, you will
find that you discover your own answers, or others will provide them for
you, as if by magic! I use the term magic as I feel the way this always
happens, has a very magical quality to it.
Here is something you could try experimenting with. Put it out to the
universe that you wish to share with someone a particular experience
you are living right now. Trust that the right person will be placed on your
path to assist you. It has never failed me yet. All I had to do was put it out
there, then simply be open to whatever was happening around me at the
time. Quite often, during normal conversations, the opportunities would
arise. One or two words are generally enough. I truly love the way this
has always worked for me.
Enjoy in JOY your sharing experiences.
* The Celestine vision chat rooms can be found at:
http://www.celestinevision.com This is also the main site of James
and Salle Redfield.
* OPOM’s = Other Parts of Me… (we are all one)
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Learning Process
For many traveling the awakening journey, no matter which level of
awakening you are at, it is always an advantage to look into healing
modalities.
Whether you choose Reiki, Shambhala MDH, EMF or something elsethere
are so many out there- you may find it a little confusing to start
with. Persevere and trust your own inner intuition. It will guide you. You
may like to experience a few different modalities first and then you can
choose what interests you the most.
Be alert for any modalities appearing on your path more than once or
twice. If a particular modality is being placed in your field of reference
Learning Process
When it is your time to awaken and remember
who you are and why you are here - whether
through a personal tragedy or a natural process
- there will come a time when you will feel
guided to expand your awareness. Whether it
be through some kind of healing modality or
spiritually enhanced initiation, trust those inner
feelings, or physical 'signs'.
Do the research and when you feel you have
found something that provides some kind of
recognition or stirring inside you, trust it and
go with it wholeheartedly!
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regularly, you can be assured that your guides are doing that for you by
bringing something into your awareness until you take notice. Yes, and
this happens whether you are aware of your guides or not. Trust! They
ARE there.
It is also good to remember, that as you work with these healing
modalities you are not only a conduit for the energies to travel through to
another being, you will also receive healing yourself. I am sure you have
heard the saying-'what goes around, comes around'. This applies to
healing and loving also - whatever we give out will always come back to
us!
While working with any of these healing modalities, you will, after a
period of time, begin to receive and trust your intuitive feelings and
thoughts. This too, is your guides passing on messages through you, for
whomever you are working on.
So you see there are many advantages to finding a healing modality to
study and expand with. There are a great many out there and I am sure
you will hear from one practitioner to the next, that their modality is the
most beautiful and most powerful. This is the reason I recommend you
trust your own guidance and intuition. Your guides will never steer you
wrong. NEVER!!!!
Enjoy and be in JOY in every moment of your expansion, with what ever
you choose, it truly is a magical and wonderful experience.