Helping Children Conquer Stress: Your Daughter "Knows about Terrorist

Attacks and School Shootings. She Talks about It More Than You Are
Comfortable With. Is She Becoming the Nervous Type or Is This Simply a
Symptom of stress?"(Medicine & Health)(Cover Story)
Magazine article by Lori Lite; USA Today (Society for the Advancement of
Education), Vol. 133, March 2005
by Lori Lite
YOUR CHILD IS having another meltdown. You were just about to implement
your highly developed multitasking skills of starting dinner while cleaning up
this morning's breakfast crumbs and arranging car pool for tomorrow. The
phone rings and caller ID tells you this is the call you have been waiting for.
Your son is sitting at the table crying and screaming for no apparent reason,
refusing to do his homework. While ripping the paper to shreds, he announces
that he is not going to school tomorrow.
Most of us do not have to imagine this scenario. It hits close to home for many
American families. How do you handle it? Do you yell and threaten him; put
the boy in time out; secretly wonder if Ritalin would help; bribe him with ice
cream; or decide he merely is having a cranky day ... again?
Rather than recognizing the signs of stress in children, many of us are
conditioned to think that the youngster is seeking attention, being difficult, on
the verge of being sick, or just plain tired. If an adult displayed any of these
behaviors, there would be an understanding that he or she has had enough of a
demanding, hectic schedule. Adults might declare that they are "stressed out."
An adult may realize that what is needed is a vacation, glass of wine, or yoga
class. Kids do not have that luxury. We have taught them what a headache and
stomachache feel like and shown them how to remedy these symptoms. We
point out when they are tired, hungry, or cranky. Yet, how many of us have
introduced the words or feelings of being stressed out to youngsters?
Pennsylvania State Children's Hospital/Pediatric Trauma Program lists some of
the feelings of the stressed child as being agitated. overactive, contused, afraid,
angry, sad, anxious, and withdrawn. Parents are alerted to look for signs that
might indicate their offspring is under stress, particularly after a traumatic event.
A child's preoccupation with the occurrence, withdrawal from family and
friends, sleep disturbances, and physical complaints all can be indicators of Post
Traumatic Stress. PTSD is the delayed onset of stress after exposure to a
traumatic event. This delayed reaction can last several years. PTSD primarily
has been associated with combat soldiers. However, a November, 1999, article
in Child Magazine maintains that "the number of children affected is staggering.
Every year, at least 3,000,000 youngsters show signs of PTSD."
Tsunami aftermath
Moreover, with the average household television turned on for seven hours a
day, it is undeniable that kids have been exposed to unprecedented trauma-
inducing images of the recent tsunami. "Helping young people overcome
emotional problems in the wake of violence or disaster is one of the most
important challenges a parent, teacher, or mental health professional can face,"
maintains the National Institute of Mental Health. While the global community
is assisting youngsters in southern Asia by providing food, medicine, water, and
shelter, it is natural to wonder how these survivors will cope and regain physical
and psychological well-being.
It is important for parents and educators to identify symptoms of stress. This can
be a difficult task. Many of the indicators are the seemingly normal emotions
and behaviors families go through on a day-to-day basis. The American
Academy of Pediatrics' "Stress and the Child" points out that "Many parents
believe that their school-age children are unaware of the stresses around them
and are somehow immune to them."
Whether positive or negative, change impacts youngsters. It rates a high score
on the Holmes and Rahe scale, a stress measurement tool implemented in 1967
by psychologists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe. It assigns point values to
different life events. The higher the score, the more elevated the level of stress.
A child undergoing a change in acceptance by peers is given a life change value
of 67. The same child welcoming the birth of a brother or sister is assigned 50
points. These warrant high numbers since each registers as a stress event. Stress
can be as simple as arriving at school to find there is a substitute teacher that
day. How might the emotions of stress look when expressed by a child?
* Your daughter seems jumpy and anxious. She asks a lot of questions and
expresses concern about tomorrow. She is worried about things she has no
control over after listening to the news on the radio and television. She knows
about terrorist attacks and school shootings. She talks about it more than you are
comfortable with. Does she know too much? Is she watching age-appropriate
television? Is she becoming the nervous type or is this simply a symptom of
stress?
* You brag to your friends that your son is a great sleeper. You are sure it is due
to the clouds you painted on his ceiling and the Feng Shui approved placement
of his bed. Recently, though, he has been having trouble getting to sleep. He has
nightmares and wakes up frequently. Does he have an overactive imagination?
Is he eating too much sugar? Has his bed suddenly become uncomfortable or is
this only a symptom of stress?
* Your usually happy, enthusiastic daughter appears to be down in the dumps.
She is uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn. Playing with her best friend
holds no interest. Her energy level is low, although she claims nothing is hurting
or bothering her. Is she just going through a stage? Is she becoming antisocial?
Is it possible she is depressed or is this merely a symptom of stress?
Stress expresses itself differently depending on the individual. Variables such as
age, family stability, and coping skills are part of the equation. The arrival of a
new teacher in mid semester might create anguish for a five-year-old, whereas a
13-year-old may welcome the new possibilities. Stress is not actually something
that happens to us. It is the degree to which an event affects us. It is the way that
we react. Stress certainly is an accepted part of life. According to Herbert
Benson's The Relaxation Response, 60-90% of visits to the doctor's office are
related to stress, which can have a powerful impact on the body. It has been
named a contributing culprit to everything from high blood pressure to
depression.
Adults, usually after years of experiencing the ill effects of stress, find the
motivation to seek relief. Everyone from baby boomers and young mothers to
corporate executives and athletes are looking for ways to remain healthy.
Through the use of stress reduction techniques, adults are trying to reclaim their
health, inner peace, and sense of well-being.
The age-old practice of meditation is enjoying a resurgence. Four decades ago,
the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi connected with the rock and roll crowd through his
association with the Beatles, popularizing transcendental meditation in the
Western world. Actor Richard Gere's alliance with the Dalai Lama has given
Buddhism celebrity status. The singer Madonna has achieved personal
transformation and enlightenment with the help of her private yoga instructor
and Kabbalah studies. Talk show host Oprah Winfrey has empowered millions
by exposing viewers to numerous self-management tools, including meditation,
visualization, and affirmation. Society has been exposed to the Eastern way of
achieving wellness, tranquility, and serenity.
The world that we once knew as children has changed dramatically. Kids are
spending extended time in school and structured settings such as daycare. More
are being raised in single-parent homes. Many households have two working
parents to make ends meet. The media has bombarded our younger generation
with complicated and often traumatizing information. We are raising the first
generation of children to have experienced homeland terrorism. Our own
achievement-oriented style of parenting has created jam-packed schedules for
us and our children. Down time for most families is a vague memory. Let's
counteract this by raising a generation that can self-manage stress. It is time to
empower our children.
Meditating in school
Some schools are experimenting with introducing meditation to their students in
a classroom setting. In Silver Spring, Md., Chelsea School has implemented
transcendental meditation. Pupils close their eyes and silently recite a mantra,
word, or phrase. Students at the Nataki Talibah Schoolhouse of Detroit meditate
twice a day. By all accounts, they are happier, more alert, and less frustrated.
My own students have told me that they "feel calm and focused" after
meditating. A few deep breaths and a couple of minutes of visualizing spurred
one teenager to comment, "I never felt anything like this in my entire life." This
boy went on to improve his ice hockey skills using visualization techniques. I
asked another student when he thought would be the best time to employ these
techniques. "When someone at school bothers me, I could take a deep breath to
calm down instead of hitting him," he replied.
These students have become active participants in creating healthy, peaceful
lives for themselves. Imagine teaching a group of students who are able to
harness and manage their own energy, and how these concepts could
revolutionize the education system.
The Mental Health Association recommends counteracting stress by
maintaining a positive outlook, focusing on activities that take your mind off
your worries, and finding time to relax. As a young mother raising three
children, I learned firsthand just how difficult it is to implement these
suggestions. My husband was working long, stressful hours and I was dealing
with a child that was chronically ill and hyperactive, I did not have the time,
money, or stamina to attend relaxation classes. My ongoing symptoms of weight
loss, gastritis, chronic fatigue, and involuntary breath-holding alerted a
concerned relative. My aunt took one look at me and decided to intervene. An
appointment was arranged with a stress consultant.
That meeting changed everything. I learned that, simply by adding deep belly
breathing, affirmations, and visualizations to my life, I could counteract the
harmful effects of stress. I started practicing breath awareness throughout the
day while doing the dishes, driving my car, and interacting with my kids.
Occasionally, I even locked myself in my room for a few minutes of
uninterrupted breathing. I was breathing out the sound of "a-a-a-h-h-h-h" and I
experimented with positive self-talk or affirmations. My children laughed as I
spoke out loud, "I am calm; I am relaxed." The laughter alone provided much
needed stress relief for my family.
These techniques were working so well that I knew they also could help my
children. At the time, my four-year-old was taking at least two hours every night
to settle down to sleep. I developed tour stories designed to entertain the kids
while at the same time introducing them to stress-management skills. The first
story I created was "A Boy and a Bear." I watched my son follow along as he
put his hands on his belly and learned diaphragmatic breathing.
My daughter's stress, meanwhile, had expressed itself as night terrors. With the
help of repeating positive statements with the animals of the forest in the story
"The Affirmation Web," her fears subsided. The gratification of watching my
family benefit from relaxation and meditation techniques inspired me to
continue creating stories to help other parents looking for ways to assist their
children.
Imagine reading a book that demonstrates to your children how to manage their
energy, stress, and anxiety; feeling the ripple effect of calmness as it makes its
way through your family; and your joy as you watch your kids' self esteem grow
with each affirmation. Youngsters want to feel calm and in control of their
minds and bodies. Next time you notice that you or your child is under stress,
take a moment to breathe, affirm, or visualize--and get ready to feel good!
Lori Lite is the author of four relaxation books for children and a certified
children's meditation facilitator.

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