Punishment and the young person from repeating that
Adolescent particular misbehavior. By Carl E. Pickhardt, Ph.D. The magnitude of the offenses that punishment is meant to address are such Punishing their adolescent is one of the serious transgressions as sneaking out more unrewarding parts of parenting. Not after hours for a night of adventure on the only does it add negativity to a town, lying about where one really was, temporarily strained relationship; it can stealing from a family member, and the provoke the adolescent to punish parents like. These are all infractions that either in return. risk or actually commit harm. This payback is commonly done by acting Of course, punishment is not the primary mad, by complaining about mistreatment, or only way to deal with serious or by refusing to talk to them for some violations. First, try to use communication period of time. This is kind of a "You to hear out, talk out, and work out an showed me"/ "I'll show you" exchange of agreement with the teenager so that any disfavor. Come adolescence, punishment damages are dealt with and a lesson has is no fun for anyone. been learned. Assuming there is no A thankless part of parental discipline, likelihood the violation will be repeated, punishment is NOT for minor infractions then communication is enough and there like leaving the refrigerator door open is no need for the additional deterrence again or not turning out the lights. It is not that punishment can provide. for continuing aggravations like playing The power of punishment to reform is music too loudly or not picking up or vastly overrated. It often fails to motivate cleaning up after themselves. It is not for positive behavior because it only resisting responsibilities like ʻforgetting enforces what not to do, but it doesn't homework' or delaying chores. These are prescribe and instruct and encourage supervisory matters. what to do differently instead. A punitive As an unwise use of punishment,think of consequence has far less corrective the parents who ground their teenager for power than thorough communication. once again leaving dirty dishes strewn Reflecting back, a grandmother who had around the home because they are fed effectively raised four children of her own up with this ongoing aggravation and are once testified to the power of pure talk. tired of keeping after him about it. This "When any one of them stepped out of restriction will show him that they mean line they all knew what was coming: a business! But what are they to do next good old fashioned talking to, only they week when he takes the family car out for called it a lecture, and there was nothing an unlicensed joy ride late at night? They they hated worse. For however long it have just wasted the power of took, and it could take a while, I'd get me punishment on his leaving dirty dishes in a cup of coffee and we'd sit down to talk the sink. the trouble out until I was satisfied we The purpose of punishment is to both fully understood what happened, discourage major rule violations by why it happened, and how it wasn't going applying a consequence that is to ever happen again. And it never did." It's when communication fails to correct that punishment is called into play. Now, to get their message of across, parents use punitive actions because persuasive words have not conveyed - the violation continuing no matter what they say. At this point punishment is employed to make a corrective point by catching the young person's attention, causing her to rethink her actions, and hopefully to encourage her back into compliance. Sometimes the natural consequences of the violation provide sufficient deterrence. Thus when the 12-year-old, against home rules, plays with fire that starts getting out of hand, the young person burning himself in the process of frantically patting it out, he may be cured of doing it again. In this case, just talking with him about the scary experience and ministering to the hurt may be all parents have to do. The violation itself has proved punishing enough. In the same way, parents don't have to double punish for what has already been punished by outside authorities. If a school violation has occurred, with several days of in-school suspension ordered to pay for the infraction, then parents simply have to help their son or daughter connect the misbehavior with the consequence. "It sounds like school is really serious about not permitting that kind of behavior. So now you know." Since outside authorities are willing to play the heavy, parents have the luxury of empathizing with their adolescent ("School must feel lonely when you're unable to see your friends"), while silently supporting the consequence that was justly given.