Tiffany Sanchez
!!!!! comes from the alarm. You slowly rise out of bed at 6:00 A.M. You look out the
window to see the sky is misted with thick wispy clouds and gold beams of light from the tired
and overused summer sun of the Arizonian valley. You grab whatever you have to wear because
you are going to be a senior in high school, and you tell yourself whatever you have will be
authentic enough for the first day back. You only eat some quickly made oatmeal knowing that it
will be enough because you are finally a half day senior and will be back home in 4 hours instead
of the traditional, 8-hour lower classmen’s school day. Mom and Dad are waiting for you in the
car, so you hop in and off to school you go. They try to talk to you while you mourn with the last
free moments of summer before you enter high school for another year.
As your parents drop you off for school for the 13th consecutive year, you turn your head
up from your phone to the rearview mirror. You can see your father’s brownie batter colored
eyes staring at you with a sheer expression of joy. You don’t even recall seeing his mouth, yet
you know that he is smiling because you can already tell from the pinched corner of his eyes to
his raised cheeks, that he is proud. Both of your parents are proud it’s your last year of legally
being a child. They’re so proud they drive all the way up, as close as can be, to the front of your
first class’s building, the art building. Then the car comes to a complete stop and you both say
your goodbyes! They drive off with the new replacement child, except it’s not really a child, it’s
a dog.
Yes, your father bought a dog for your mother. They say it’s to help with anxiety and
stress, which to any body with a medical degree would make sense because, according to a
“Therapies study, a mere 12-minute visit with a dog lowered blood pressure and anxiety in
patients with heart failure” (Woit, 2012, par 2). But you don’t bother to listen because deep down
THE GREAT NAÏVE 3
you know that that dogs your replacement. You know that your mother has always had control
over something since the day she was born, so by letting go of you, it was only natural for her to
pick up someone else. She named it Ollie. Ollie is now off with your parents to brunch, while
You stumble into a long blue hued hallway with the sun grazing against the lightly tinted
2 X 6 ft tall window. Your focus gazes across on the patches of light shining through. This is
going to be one of the highlights of the day you tell yourself. You are not to thrilled to go back to
high school after summer, so you try to grasp the little stuff for positive affirmation. You are
halfway through the hall before a tall man with an authoritative walkie talkie chooses to look
down upon you. He grins and makes a joke about the outfit you’re wearing. This is your senior
year, so since you are practically an adult you must not succumb to the insults of others. Yet you
still freeze, because of your uncertainly. As stated in Moss study it’s referred to as “Intolerance
of uncertainty (IU)is the tendency to react negatively to uncertain situations, has been identified
as an important cognitive component of anxiety disorders” (Moss, 2018, p1225). But you were
so naïve your inner critic convinced you that anxiety was a myth and it was all in your head.
Anyways you were always quiet so that was typical for you to do, mental maturity takes longer
than physical maturity, but you didn’t know this that day. He then tells you to find something
else to wear just as the teacher whose class you are heading to pops out from the door behind
him. You have taken her beginning art class before, so you know each other, and she likes you as
a student. She analyzes what’s going on, this man was trying to dress code her precious student,
so she tells the authoritative figure that she has some safety pins to close the space between my
cardigan. He says okay and that was the start of how she took you under her wing.
THE GREAT NAÏVE 4
Mrs. K starts handing you safety pins so you can pin up your beige yellow mixed off
white cardigan but with distress sitting in the back of your mind: embarrassment took up the rest.
You cannot appreciate someone going out of their way for you do not realize that she does not
have to do that, yet you barely managed to say thank you. But it was only the first day, you
would have many more chances to conversate with Mrs. K, but you will make sure to keep that
to a minimum. Not because you think lowly of her but because you think so of yourself, you will
make sure to tell yourself you are Extremely weird, and your inner critic will tell you that people
are going to think that once you open your mouth. You did not know it then, but one of the most
abusive people you’ve ever know, was all in you. This is what is referred to as an “Inner critic:
This is the internal voice that judges us as inadequate.” (downing, 2017, pg50). Every single
comment, harassment, act of unpleasantness is all bubbled up inside you, and you never told
You are just a high school student, a high school student who is extremely hard on
herself. You expect greatness because that’s all you ever desired growing up in your family.
Greatness is like perfection in your mind. Except to you, greatness exist and you hungered for it.
Because it mattered the most out of everything you believe in, even if you were insecure. This is
going to cause some shyness in your persona which will eventually lead to unspoken words to
people you wished you could have told. You shot so far for greatness before you were even
ready that you missed and ended up full of regret instead. Greatness was always there you just
Don’t focus on being something you’re not; like being great because you’ll end up
missing what you are or could become. By not appreciating the small things around you, you
cannot truly appreciate yourself as a whole. Because the missing pieces of memories that you
THE GREAT NAÏVE 5
did not create because you cannot appreciate the free education, the relaxed one hour classes,
someone making your own schedule, or the nice community of help. You are too focused on
trying to be this senior in high school idea in your head that you let opportunities of memories
full of joy disappear, and you can never redeem those memories, but you can always make new
memories. I hope that by reading this you can realize who you truly are.
THE GREAT NAÏVE 6
References
Downing, S (2017). On course strategies for creating success in college and in life,
California: Bakersfield