BETTER RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS

I. Introduction

Relationship with others is the environment in which true learning occurs. Your relationship with
others is where you learn how to separate what you know from what you want or believe. It is
the environment and the context in which true self-discovery becomes discerned and known.
This is true for reasons that are both obvious and not so obvious.

Perhaps you have discovered thus far that it is very hard to see yourself objectively. In fact, only
to a certain degree can you see yourself at all. You need the eyes of another to point out aspects
of yourself that you are either unaware of or cannot see clearly. You need the perspective of
others to realize the meaning of your behavior and what it communicates to others. You also
need to learn from the behavior of others, for people in the world around you are demonstrating
all manner of error and all forms of self-deception and self-denial. Yet they are also
demonstrating honesty and true communication in many forms. When you look at others and the
world without condemnation and without attempting to justify your own ideas, you will be able
to discern both truth and error. You will be able to benefit from the observation of both, for both
are meant to serve you.

God wants you to heal your relationship with others, for in doing this, you will naturally be able
to reclaim God unto yourself. God wants you to heal your relationship with others, for here you
will finally learn to become objective with yourself. In the process, you will learn how to
recognize your errors and obstacles. You will learn how to recognize that which oppresses you.
And you will also learn to recognize the presence of Knowledge in your life. All that is false and
all that is genuine can be discovered within the context of your relationships with others.

A great deal has been written about relationships, and much of it is very useful at certain levels
of understanding. However, you need a broader perspective to enable you to learn to become
loving, discerning and honest. Here, instead of condemning the world for its errors, you
recognize it is a perfect learning ground for the reclamation of Knowledge.

II. Body

Your Inner Teachers recognize your potential, but they are not deceived by what you think you
can do at this moment. As a result, they give you what you can actually accomplish so that each
step in your advancement may be sound and built upon success. Without this, you will attempt to
live either far below or far beyond your capacity. You will attempt to justify activities and
engagements with others which cannot be justified. You will attempt to maintain relationships
without promise, all to justify your beliefs and ideas.

Here you must examine your situation very carefully and be very honest with yourself as you do
so. There is no value in defending something that is not going to work. If you will look at the
demonstration of relationships around you, you will see the enormous cost of doing so. If you
look very carefully, you will see there is no hope in protecting something that is not going to
work. It will only prolong the time it takes for you to find the truth. Time here can be equated
with suffering. God’s will is to relieve you of your suffering and to enable you to eliminate it
completely. This requires that you find the most expedient means to learn through experience
how to apply Knowledge. Your relationship with others is your learning arena, and here you will
find that there is more to unlearn than to learn. For your mind must be cleared and freed of its
restraints, its assumptions and its oppressive demands in order for it to follow its natural course,
which it will do if guided by Knowledge.

Preparation is necessary. You can prepare for real relationship without travail and without having
to undergo one terribly disappointing engagement after another. However, to do this, you must
learn to look, to see, to feel and to know. You must learn to become objective about your
motives and assumptions and learn from both the demonstrations of truth and of error from
people around you. If you are open and if you are learning to trust Knowledge, to whatever
extent that you experience it, you will be able to move forward and learn that which is essential
for your empowerment and for your happiness.

However, there are many pitfalls in this journey and many of them will be illustrated in this
book. There are many opportunities for error, and there are many situations where you cannot
know what you have to learn. Yet if you look at others and if you observe yourself as you
participate with others objectively without condemnation, you will be able to learn with a
minimum of difficulty and disappointment. Yes, it is true that many ideas that you have about
yourself will have to be relinquished, but what are ideas about yourself compared to the glory of
your spiritual nature and the power of your genuine relationships in life? How little you sacrifice
for something so great. Your sacrifice is so little, it is non-existent. It is merely giving up that
which shackles and burdens you, that which oppresses you and makes you a slave to little things.
This you give up for the freedom of finding true relationship and true accomplishment in the
world.

Therefore, do not think of your spiritual advancement in terms of sacrifice. Think of it in terms
of being free from a prison of your own making. Think of it as the full utilization of your
inherent skills and abilities. Think of it as a true engagement with others in community and in
genuine marriage so that you may proceed forward with certainty.

You have good cause to love others because they are teaching you everything you need to learn.
You have no cause to condemn them, no matter how grievous their errors. Even the most
grievous error will show you your own need for Knowledge and your own need to allow your
spiritual nature to speak through you. Here you can celebrate the achievements of humanity, and
you can learn accurately from its errors and difficulties. This is the basis for love in the world.
This is the basis for true objectivity.

To achieve this, however, you must have the commitment to reclaim your Knowledge and to
follow the way to Knowledge. This is the commitment to discover your spiritual nature. Building
this commitment over time gives you the ability, the perspective and the opportunity to view
relationships in an entirely new way. There is really no other alternative that is in any way
beneficial. Without this commitment, you will become isolated again in your own condemnation
and misery. You will live according to your ideas alone, and they will be harsh rulers and you
will be a slave unto them.

It is important here to remember that separation itself is a competition for power. It is attempting
to live without God in the universe. Or, in other words, it is attempting to be in life without the
Source of your life. In the context of a relationship, it is attempting to be in relationship with
another without really being with another. It is attempting to have love without giving love.

III. Conclusion

If you have made an accurate assessment of your relationships in the past, you will see that they
have taught you to value your own inner guidance and your own intuition and to trust your
deeper discernment. For in many cases, you may see that you recognized the outcome of the
relationship at the very outset. In many cases, you knew that it would not work but you chose to
have the immediate gratification of being together at the expense of your future happiness and
well-being. If this has been your experience, learn from this and do not condemn yourself
because this realization is necessary to enable you to value Knowledge and to give your
Knowledge priority over the immediate gratification of your wishes and preferences. This is part
of the maturity which is necessary for true advancement.

For you to find your higher purpose in life, you must not fall prey to the many attractions along
the way. These attractive engagements with others will rob you of your Knowledge and will
prevent your genuine relationships from coming into being. As it has been said, others will teach
you through demonstration all the manifestations of error. Yet it is important to realize that many
of these manifestations of error will be attractive and seductive. That is why you may learn from
another who is demonstrating error, but you are rarely advised to be in close proximity to them.
Choose your engagements carefully, enter into them slowly and allow your Knowledge, as
opposed to your ambition, to guide your actions. You lose nothing by moving slowly; you risk
everything by moving quickly. If you cannot allow yourself to move slowly, you have good
cause to distrust your motives already.

Knowledge within you will indicate where you need to be, how you need to participate with
others and to what extent you are to give yourself to any relationship. Your ability, then, to
discern your Knowledge, to accept your Knowledge and to follow your Knowledge is the key to
your success. This is the very essence of spiritual development. Knowledge must be
demonstrated in your relationships, for these are the most difficult areas in which to be impartial.
These are the most difficult areas in which to act without fear, guilt or preference. And these are
the most difficult areas to release that which does not serve you.