Dinner Table
TM
No.12
$2.95 USA
$3.50 CAN
*Advanced Dungeons & Dragons is a registered trademark of Wizards of the Coast. Use of this trade-
mark is NOT sanctioned by the holder. Mythos of the Divine and Worldly, Sourcebook of the Sovereign
Lands, HackMaster and the Kingdoms of Kalamar are trademarks of Kenzer and Company.
Knights of the
KENZER &
COMPANY
Knights of the Dinner Table #12
“The Good, the Bad, and the Unlucky”
October, 1997
_______________
© Copyright 1997, Kenzer and
Dinner Table TM
I
t was a warm August afternoon and I was just finishing
up the latest issue of KODT when I noticed a rather house and told them they were at the right place.
battered and rust-encrusted sedan pull into my drive- After exchanging some strange looks amongst each
way. I studied the car for a moment as it sat idling roughly other, one of them yelled back, “Are you sure? We’re
for several minutes. From my front window I could make looking for Jolly Blackburn!” That got me laughing once
out four occupants in the car - two in the front seat, two in again. I invited them in for the ‘grand tour’ and offered
back. They seemed to be in a huddle around a large road them soda and cold pizza. We even managed to squeeze in
map. The driver was wearing a BSU (Ball State an episode of The Simpsons and a couple of games of Give
University) baseball cap which was shoved back high on Me Da Brain during their visit.
his forehead. He looked like a man who had just been told, As it turned out, Bob, Mike, Craig and Dan had been on
“you can’t get there from here.” a roadtrip to a gameshop in Fort Wayne, Indiana where they
I shrugged and returned to my work. They were had bought up a few back issues of Knights of the Dinner
obviously lost and had pulled off the road to get their Table. They were reading the stories aloud on the trip back
bearings. It wasn’t the first time someone had gotten their home when they passed by the Marion exit on I-69 and
sense of direction turned around on the winding country realized it was the same town listed in the comic books as
road I live on. Fifteen minutes later I happened to glance being the home of the ‘editorial office’.
As Mike explained it, they drove up and down Monroe
out the window again and was surprised to find the car still
Pike looking for ‘a big office building’. I showed them my
sitting in my driveway.
computer set up, my game collection, the scary barn and my
The occupants had spilled out of the car and each of
raccoon. I felt like they had come a long way only to be
them seemed to be glancing or pointing in a different
disappointed.
direction with looks of utter confusion written all over their
A few hours later they decided that they should be
faces. By this point I had to know what was going on and
heading back to Ball State and as they were heading out the
opened my front door. Stepping out on the deck, one of the
door Craig turned and asked, “Would you mind if I ran out
lost souls noticed me and flashed a huge smile.
to car and got my camera? I’d like to get a picture of all of
“Man are we lost!!” he yelled out. I wasn’t sure if he
us standing in front of your house.” Again, I laughed.
was making a statement or asking a question. As they were piling into their car and we said our
“Where you guys heading?” I asked. goodbyes, I told them I was sorry if the KODT offices were
“Back to Ball State!” yelled one of the other guys, a disappointment. Almost in unison the shot back with,
“Until we decided to make a detour to Marion.” “Hell No!!! This is great!!! We’re gonna come back and
“Detour? Why?” hang out with you sometime!!”
“We’re looking for the Knights of the Dinner Table Just as they were pulling out on the road, Dan put his
editorial offices!” head out the window and waved. “Hey!!! You should put
“Knights of the Din....offices?” I thought for a moment this in the comic book!!!”
wondering what the hell they were talking about when it hit Good idea, Dan. Y’all come back now - ya hear??
me. I began to laugh. Not one of those, “ha ha - I get the
punchline” laughs. No, it was one of those, “aaaahhh
haaaaa!!! I’m laughing at YOU” sort of laughs.
The site of these poor guys, off the beaten path, looking Jolly R. Blackburn
for the KenzerCo editorial offices [Indiana branch] was the September 15, 1997
THEY COME FREE WITH YEAH!!! THE BOOKS ARE EVEN HEY BRIAN!!! HOW DID YOU GET
HACK-NOIA: PRINTED IN A SPECIAL SUCH LARGE FRAMES??
THE CONSPIRACY FILES!!! POLARIZED INK!!! I THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY
PRETTY KEWL HUH?? YOU HAVE TO WEAR THE GLASSES ONE STYLE TO CHOOSE FROM.
TO READ THE RULES!!!
HEY??? WHAT’S HUH?? OH....I WAS A
WITH THE DARK BETA-TESTER.
SUNGLASSES??
Our Readers Talk Back!
CRAMMED
BETWEEN TWO
COVERS AND
BURSTING AT THE
SEAMS.
DRAGON™
__
SHADIS™
__
THE FAMILIAR™
__
THE GAMER’S
CONNECTION™
__
AND ELSEWHERE!!
WEIRD PETE’S
WHY SO GLUM, B.A.??? YOU
LETTING THOSE SPOILED, OFFICIAL HACKMASTER™
HOT OFF THE PRESSES!!
SISSIFIED PLAYERS OF TOURNEY SITE
YOURS GET YOU DOWN?? SPACE HACK
Module SH7:
JUST IN!! OPE SHATTERED MOON RISING
GUCCI
DICE BAGS!!
N 15 MILLION KRELLIAN HACK CRUISERS
ARE CROSSING THE ZONE!!
SOMEBODY IS GONNA CATCH HELL!!!
Free Bucket of Hack Trek Collectible
Dice
with each $5.00 of Purchase!!!! COME IN AND BSU STEAM
ARM WRESTLE TUNNEL FORAY ‘97
THE MONKEY SIGN UP HERE!!
FOR A BUCK!!
YEAH...WELL....YOU KNOW PETE, SAME OL’ STORY. EVERY WEEK HERE’S A LITTLE FREE TIP FOR YOU. DUST
I WORK UP A KICK ASS ADVENTURE FOR THE GUYS AND EVERY OFF YOUR 1ST EDITION COPY OF THE
WEEK THEY MANAGE TO TURN IT INTO A HACK FEST!! HACKMASTER GM’S GUIDE
AND READ APPENDIX F!! IT
CONTAINS A LITTLE GEM THAT WAS
DAMN IT BOY!!! I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR YEARS THAT
REMOVED IN LATER EDITIONS. YOU SHOULD
YOU’RE TOO SOFT ON ‘EM!!! YOU’VE LOST THEIR RESPECT!!!!
FIND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ON PAGE
AND WHEN YOU LOSE THEIR RESPECT YOU LOSE CONTROL OF
394, 2ND COLUMN, 3RD PARAGRAPH.
YOUR GAME. YOU’VE GOT TO GET THAT CONTROL BACK!!
ARMED WITH WEIRD PETE’S ADVICE B.A. EUREKA!!! IT’S THE HOLY GRAIL OF ALL
RETURNS HOME TO CONSULT HIS ⁄ST RULES!!! RIGHT THERE IN PRINT!!!! IT CLEARLY GIVES
EDITION HACKMASTER GUIDE THE GM THE ADVANTAGE AND...AND IT’S OFFICIAL!!!!
HOODY-HOO!!! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!
LET’S SEE WHAT WE HAVE
HERE. HMMMM..... ADVANCED
COMBAT OPTIONS:
OVERBEARING RULES.......
OVERBEARING
RULES??
5
THE FOLLOWING WEEK...
WELL GOOD EVENING
EVERYBODY!!! (HEH HEH) I HOPE HE DOES HAVE A
YOU’RE ALL PREPARED FOR PECULIAR LOOK
I DON’T LIKE HIS ATTITUDE, GUYS!
TONIGHT’S ADVENTURE. YOU’LL ON HIS FACE.
SOMETHING’S UP. B.A. YOU HAVEN’T
BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT I PUT A BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH HOME-
LOT OF EXTRA EFFORT BREWED RULES AGAIN HAVE YOU? GAWD I HOPE HE HASN’T
INTO THIS WEEK’S OUTING. TAMPERED WITH THE
RULES AGAIN.
HUH? WHAT’S WITH
THE GOOFY SMIRK??
WILL YOU GUYS CHILL OUT?? I JUST HAPPEN TO UH OH!! YOU HEAR THAT??? LIKE A BIG FREAKIN’ FOG HORN
BE EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT’S GAME BECAUSE SOUNDING ALARM!!! I THINK YER RIGHT DAVE. HOME-BREWED
THINGS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT FROM NOW.... RULE ALERT!!! HOME-BREWED RULE ALERT!!!
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! I JUST HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER ONE OF
THOSE VARIANT FUMBLE CHARTS HE LIKES TO THROW ON US!!
I THOUGHT HE LEARNED HIS LESSON WITH THOSE HMMRRFFF! I TOOK FOUR POINTS OF
AND I GOT TRENCH FOOT DAMAGE PUTTING ON MY ARMOR.
FUMBLE CHARTS FOR MUNDANE JUST BECAUSE I DRANK
TASKS?? YOU KNOW, THE ONES THAT SAID I CHIPPED FROM A PUBLIC FOUNTAIN!
MY TOOTH WITH A SPOON WHILE EATING A BOWL OF SOUP?? YOU WERE LUCKY!
I GOT A PAPER CUT ON
MY EYE WHILE
BUT GUYS.... READING A SCROLL.
6
DAMN IT!! DO YOU HAVE TO SHOOT WHAT A RELIEF.
DOWN EVERY IDEA I BRING TO THE TABLE WELL WHY LOOKS LIKE THE
BEFORE YOU EVEN HEAR ME OUT?? YOU DIDN’T YOU SCARECROW FOUND A
THINK I’M STUPID OR SOMETHING?? HUH? JUST SAY SO? BRAIN!!! LET’S PLAY!!
BESIDES, NOTHING WAS SAID ABOUT HOME-
BREWED RULES. EVERYTHING WILL BE
OFFICIAL HACKMASTER RULES TONIGHT!! EVEN SO, LET’S STAY ON OUR
TOES. IT STILL DOESN’T
EXPLAIN THE STUPID SMIRK.
my thief, knuckles, uses his stealthy fingers to for crying out loud!!
oh the mutt is coppin’ the dog is just looking
take the silver pieces from the cup while cleverly an attitude huh??
replacing them with worthless slugs. (snicker) out for his master!!!
i whack him with the
hilt of my sword!!
it’s so sad he only has
okay, as soon as you do the three legs. poor pooch.
THREE-LEGGED DOG
begins to bark loudly at you!!!
7
DAVE SMACKS THE DOG ON THE HEAD WITH THE HILT OF HIS SWORD BUT IT ONLY CAUSES THE DOG TO YIP
IN PAIN AND RESUME BARKING EVEN LOUDER!!!! SUDDENLY FORTY-FIVE BEGGARS WORK
THEIR WAY OUT OF THE CROWD TO COME TO THEIR COMRADE’S AID. THEY ARE ARMED WITH BLUNT
WOODEN CLUBS, VARIOUS LENGTHS OF ROPE AND DAGGERS.
NOT SO FAST GUYS!!! I’M IMPLEMENTING OPTIONAL COMBAT RULE 56:12 C, OVERBEARING. YOU’LL
FIND IT IN APPENDIX F IN THE FIRST EDITION HACKMASTER GM’S GUIDE!!! (AHEM)
ACCORDING TO THAT RULE AN ANGRY MOB AUTOMATICALLY SUCCEEDS WHEN ATTEMPTING AN OVERBEARING
ATTACK ON A SINGLE TARGET. ACCORDING TO CHAPTER 8 OF THE GUIDE,
10 BEGGARS CONSTITUTE A MOB!! SO YOU EACH HAVE TEN BEGGARS SUCCESSFULLY OVERBEARING YOU!!!
HEE-HEE-HOO!!! AN OVERBEARED TARGET IS RENDERED COMPLETELY HELPLESS AND CAN BE DISARMED AND BOUND.
UH-OH!!! NOT THE DAMN!!! HE’S COMBINED
FOUL!!! THIS TWO FLAWED RULES AND
TOTALLY SUCKS!! OVERBEARING RULES. CREATED A DEADLY TOOL!!
HUH? WHAT
THE...
YOU ARE ALL QUICKLY OVERBEARED AND PUMMELED SENSELESS!!! HAR HAR!!! THIS IS GREAT!!! THE ANGRY MOB OF
BEGGARS BIND YOU AND DRAG YOU DOWN THE MAIN STREET OF THE CITY TO THE MARKET PLACE. THERE THEY STRIP YOU OF ALL
YOUR POSSESSIONS, TATTOO YOU WITH RUNES OF SHAME AND MAKE YOU DO HUMILIATING TRICKS TO AMUSE THE EVER-GROWING
CROWD OF ON-LOOKERS. THEN THEY SUMMON THE MAGISTRATE AND DEMAND CRIMINAL PROSECUTION!! HAR!! HAR!!!
RUNES OF COME ON, B.A.!!! YOU’RE EXPLOITING A FEW I’LL BET WEIRD
SHAME??? I AIN’T STOP SMIRKIN’ AT OBSCURE, ANTIQUATED RULES!!!!! PETE IS BEHIND
LETTIN’ NO ONE PUT RUNES US!!! IT’S NOT FUNNY!! THIS...(GRRRRR)
OF SHAME ON ME!!!!
8
ALL RIGHT, B.A.!! I’M IMPRESSED. COMBINING THE AWH POOR BABIES!!!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!! HOW’S IT FEEL
LAME OVERBEARING RULES WITH THE GETTING A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE?? HUH??? YOU GUYS
BEGGAR-CLAUSE OF THE ANGRY HAVE BEEN USING THE RULES AGAINST ME ALL THESE YEARS AND
MOB RULES WAS A BRILLIANT MOVE!!! FINALLY, FINALLY, THE RULES WORK FOR ME!!! AND WHAT’S
I SALUTE YOU. OKAY?? BUT I SUGGEST WE BAN THIS YOUR REACTION??? YOU WANNA CRY ABOUT IT!!!!
PARTICULAR RULE-HYBRID FROM OUR TABLE. WELL TOUGH NOOGIES!!!! THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE AROUND HERE.
IT UNBALANCES THE GAME NOW BEFORE YOU GUYS ACT UP AND START GETTING OUT OF LINE,
YOU’LL REMEMBER THE LITTLE OVERBEARING
BULLET IN MY ARSENAL AND THINK TWICE ABOUT IT!!!!
THE FOLLOWING WEEK.... YEAH!! WE’RE GONNA FEED THEM AND BUY THEM
STUFF. ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS OVERBEAR
ANYTHING THAT CROSSES OUR PATH!!!
WE’RE WALKING AROUND THE
HUH??? WHAT DO CITY AND EACH OF US IS GOING LET’S GO YEAH WE THOUGHT IT OVER!!!
YOU GUYS WANT TO TO HIRE TEN BEGGARS TO HANG OVERBEAR A THOSE OVERBEARING RULES
DO AGAIN?? OUT WITH US AT ALL TIMES. DRAGON!! WORK BOTH WAYS!!!
WHAT?? WHAT???
WHY THE HELL ARE
YOU LOOKIN’ AT ME
LIKE THAT FOR??
9
Just For the Helm of it
WE’VE BEEN TAKING ONE HELLUVA
OKAY YOU OPEN THE DOOR TO FIND A LARGE
ANOTHER TRAP??? BEATING FROM FAILED DISARM-TRAP
ROOM, FORTY FEET BY FORTY FEET.
DAMN!!! THIS LEVEL IS FULL ATTEMPTS. THAT SLEEP GAS
IT’S COMPLETELY EMPTY EXCEPT FOR A
WAS A DOOZY.
RUSTY HELMET LYING ON THE FLOOR OF THEM. WELL, LOOKS LIKE
DIRECTLY IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM.!! ANOTHER JOB FOR OUR THIEF!!!
YEAH, AND I THINK
GOOD LUCK, BOB!!
BOB’S STARTIN’ TO
HELLO!! THIS HAS TRAP LOSE HIS NERVE!!
WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. WHY
DIDN’T YOU JUST PUT A BIG
SIGN ON IT, B.A.!!
I GOTTA BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS ONE GUYS!!! PASS?? WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU??
IT’S JUST A STUPID RUSTY HELMET!! I THINK WE YOU KNOW WE ALWAYS DO A CLEAN SWEEP OF EVERY
SHOULD PASS ON THIS ONE. DUNGEON!!!! GET IN THERE AND DO YOUR JOB!!
TWENTY MINUTES LATER..... OKAY, BOB AND I PICK HIM UP AND HEAVE HIM OUT
INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. WE WON’T LET
GILEAD IS STILL KICKING AND DAMN!!! HE’S A TOUGH LITTLE HIM OUT UNTIL HE RETRIEVES THE HELMET.
SCREAMING BUT YOU MANAGED SCRAPPER. HE BEANED ME WITH
TO KNOCK THE BACKPACK OUT THAT PACK FIVE TIMES!!! GRRRR!!!! AM
I AWAKE MAKE SURE HE STOMPS
OF HIS HANDS AND FINALLY
YET!!! AROUND REAL GOOD TO
WRESTLE HIM TO THE GROUND.
SET OFF ANY TRAPS!!
DAMN IT!!! THERE’S GOTTA ALRIGHT!!! I’M THE THE LORDSHIP CHARM
CASTLE?? WHAT’S BE A WAY TO BREAK THIS TASKMASTER!! SPELL CAN ONLY BE
WRONG WITH THE CHARM SPELL!!! BROKEN BY DEATH!!
KEEP WE JUST
BUILT FOR HIM??
TWO HOURS LATER.. I HIT MYSELF IN COME ON GUYS, THIS IS FUN!!! WE CAN
THE HEAD WITH AN SUPPORT GILEAD’S RISE TO KINGSHIP!!
COME ON, B.A.!! I RUBBED BACON AXE AGAIN!!! HOW
WILL YOU GUYS STOP GREASE ALL OVER MYSELF AND MUCH DAMAGE DID
IT?? I’M NOT GOING BETTER DEAD THAN TO
I’M SLAPPIN’ THE HELL OUT OF I DO THIS TIME??
TO ALLOW YOU TO SERVE AN NPC!!!
THE BEAR WITH MY BELT. YOU FIREBALL TO
KILL YOURSELVES!!! CAN’T TELL ME HE DOESN’T RIP
YOU’RE CHARMED AND THE FACE, B.A.!!
ME TO SHREDS!!
THAT’S THAT!!
12
IN YER FACE EVERY MONTH!!!
KENZER &
Knights of the
Dinner Table
COMPANY TM
No. 13
$2.95 USA
$3.50 CAN
THAT'S RIGHT SARA. HE’S VERY LARGE I DON'T EVEN PAY MY OWN TAXES!! THERE'S MY DWARF IS MORE THAN
AND HE’S VERY ANCIENT!!! AND HE'S NO WAY EL RAVAGER'S GONNA PAY! YOUR RUN-OF-THE-MILL
GROWING IMPATIENT. MOUNTAIN DWARF YA
BUT GUYS, LET'S AT LEAST KNOW?? HE WEIGHS IN AT
I AIN'T PAYING ZIP!! FIND OUT HOW MUCH THE 179 POUNDS!! THAT’S 20
I’M LOADING TWO BOLTS OF TOLL IS. POUNDS MORE THAN
REAVING. THAT'LL ADJUST HIS AVERAGE.
ATTITUDE.
WHO CARES HOW MUCH THE COME ON, GUYS!!! LET’S AT LEAST LOOK AT OUR
TARIFF IS?? IT’S NOT LIKE OPTIONS. BESIDES, WE CAN STALL THIS GUY
DAMN STRAIGHT!!!
WE’RE GONNA PAY IT!!! WHILE WE TRY TO HAGGLE DOWN HIS PRICE!!!
I GOT HIS TARIFF RIGHT HERE - ON
THE END OF MY SWORD!!!
GOOD IDEA, SARA!!! I’M PARTY
SPOKESMAN. I’LL HANDLE THIS.
14
O.K., B.A., MY DWARVEN MAGE APPROACHES THE DRAGON. AS THE MASSIVE DRAGON SPEAKS, FIRE LICKS FORTH FROM HIS
I SHOULD CUT A PRETTY IMPRESSIVE IMAGE. I’M WEARING NOSTRILS HEATING THE WHOLE AREA. "2000 GOLD COINS....EACH!
MY EXPENSIVE COBBLED-BOOTS AND MY BEARD IS EXCEPT FOR THE BELLIGERENT DWARF!!! HE SHALL
BRAIDED IN THE FASHION OF MY CLAN - THE IRONHEARTS - PAY 3,000 GOLD"
WHO ARE WELL REGARDED AND WIDELY KNOWN.
I SPEAK FIRMLY AND LOUDLY, “WHAT BE YOUR
TARIFF MY INFINITE
SMALLNESS??”
2,000!!! OUTRAGEOUS! I’LL JUST INVEST I HOLD MY HACKMASTER +12 HIGH WAIT, STOP!!! THINK
THE MONEY ON MULES TO CARRY BACK THAT HOARD OVER MY HEAD AND CALL UPON ABOUT IT. 2,000 ISN'T THAT MUCH
AFTER WE SLAY THIS DRAGON!! THE GODS TO BLESS ME!! THAT COMPARED TO ALL THE WEALTH
DRAGON IS GOING WE'LL GET ON LEVEL FIVE!
DOWN!!!
THE DRAGON FLAPS HIS WINGS
FURIOUSLY AND DEMANDS YOU IT'S THE PRINCIPAL SARA.
PAY THE TOLL IMMEDIATELY!!! IT'S A MATTER OF HONOR.
15
HEY B.A., APPROXIMATELY HOW MUCH TREASURE IS IN THIS
DRAGON’S HORDE? I USE MY COIN-PILE YOU ROUGHLY ESTIMATE 1,103,342 GP VALUE IN
NUMERICAL APPROXIMATION ASSORTED COINS PLUS ANOTHER 822,789 GP VALUE IN
SECONDARY SKILL. DON’T FORGET MY +15 BONUS GEMS AND JEWELRY.
BECAUSE I’M A DWARF. I ALSO HAVE ASTUTE
OBSERVATION AND GEM APPRAISAL REALLY? THAT MUCH?? HMMM.....OKAY,
SKILLS!!! I PAY THE DRAGON THE 2,000 GP TARIFF PLUS
THE 1,000 GP BELLIGERENCY PENALTY.
LISTEN GUYS, THIS IS GREAT. BY MY CALCULATIONS, LESS LIVING AND MISCELLANEOUS EXPENSES AND
ADJUSTING FOR INFLATION, THAT DRAGON HAS RECEIVED A MINIMUM OF 1,892 TARIFFS!!!
16
UH.....SO WHAT’S YOUR
POINT??
DUH!!! IF THE DRAGON HAS BEEN GUARDING THE ENTRANCE NO, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!!!!
FOR THAT LONG AND EXTORTS THAT MANY PEOPLE, THE ODDS AWESOME!!! NOT TO RAIN ON YOUR
OF HIM BEING SLAIN ARE ALMOST NIL. WE SIMPLY DEPOSIT
PARADE, BUT UH....WHAT
2000 GOLD HERE EVERY TIME WE PASS! IT’S LIKE OUR OWN
MAKES YOU THINK WE CAN
PERSONAL, DRAGON DEPOSITORY. WHEN WE
SLAY THIS GUY LATER??
WANT TO MAKE A FINAL WITHDRAWAL
WE JUST SLAY THE DRAGON!
YOU THE MAN!!! RELAX SARA!!!
I KNOW WHAT
IS THAT I’M DOING!!
BEAUTIFUL OR
WHAT??
17
KNOBBY CAN PAY HIS OWN WAY!!! JUST TELL HIM TO
TAKE IT OUT OF THAT 5,000 IN GEMS SETTLEMENT THE
CONSTABLE OF FERN GROVE AWARDED HIM IN OUR
O.K. WISE GUYS, THE DRAGON REFUSES TO LET YOU LAWSUIT SETTLEMENT!!!
PASS BECAUSE KNOBBY FOOT HASN’T PAID.
HEY, I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!! THE
LITTLE BASTARD IS RICH!!! PAIN AND
SUFFERING?? PUBLIC HUMILIATION??? LET ME
IN ON SOME OF THAT ACTION. SHEESH!!
KNOBBY FOOT SHRUGS AND OH YOU’RE BREAKIN’ MY HEART!!! I’LL SAVE THE LITTLE RUNT.
I STEP IN FRONT OF THE DRAGON AND GIVE HIM 2,000 FOR OL’ WHAT A
SHAKES HIS HEAD. “BUT I DON’T
KNOBBY. THAT WAY I WON’T HAVE TO CARRY IT. GUY!!
HAVE 2,000 IN GOLD ON ME!!!” THE
DRAGON LAUGHS HIDEOUSLY DON’T FORGET THAT ON YOUR NEXT LOYALTY ROLL, B.A.
AND REACHES FOR THE TINY ALRIGHT!!! LET’S HIT
TORCH BEARER!!! BETTER GET A NOTARIZED I.O.U.
FOR THAT BOB!! THAT LOWER LEVEL!!!
LET’S GET OUT OF HERE AND THAT DOUBLE-HASTED STONE YEAH, LET’S DEPOSIT OUR GOLD
GET OUR COMRADE HEALED. GIANT GOT LUCKY THAT’S ALL!!! AND TREASURE WITH OUR PET
WE’LL COME BACK FOR THE I’LL TAKE HIM OUT NEXT TIME!! DRAGON AND GET BACK TO TOWN!!!
REST OF THE LOOT LATER.
18
A FEW MOMENTS LATER.... “THE TARIFF IS 2,000 GOLD EACH!!! TO PASS
ME - YOU MUST PAY!!! I CARE NOT WHICH
OKAY AFTER YOU DEPOSIT YOUR DIRECTION YOU ARE TRAVELLING!!”
GOLD AND TREASURE WITH THE DRAGON
AND ATTEMPT TO MOVE PASS HIM, HE YOU GOT A BAD CASE OF SHORT-TERM WELL THIS TOTALLY SUCKS!!!
SUDDENLY ROARS, “YOU MUST MEMORY LOSS SCALE-FACE??? YOU’D THINK HE WOULD OF
PAY THE TARIFF!!! 2,000 HUH??? WE ALREADY PAID YOUR MENTIONED THAT BEFORE!!
GOLD PIECES EACH!! STINKIN’ TARIFF!!! BESIDES, WE’RE
EXITING NOT ENTERING!!! WHO CARES!!!! IN THE END
WE’LL GET IT ALL BACK
ANYWAY!!
SLOWLY THE DRAGON PEELS AN EVIL YOU GOT WAX IN YER EARS? I SAID I’M HEY, MAYBE WE COULD JUST LEAVE KNOBBY
GRIN, REVEALING SCORES OF RAZOR SHARP CASH POOR AT THE MOMENT. I’LL FOOT AS COLLATERAL. OR BETTER YET,
TEETH. SPITTLE POURS FROM THE TELL YOU WHAT!! I’LL JUST PAY YOU MAYBE HE’LL ACCEPT HIM AS A SACRIFICE!!
CORNERS OF HIS MAW, “PAY NOW TWICE WHEN I GET BACK. WE JUST
OR DIE!” THE HALL ECHOES WITH WANT TO ZIP INTO TOWN TO..... WE’D BETTER DO SOMETHING!! WE
HIS ROAR, TEMPORARILY DEAFENING YOU. (SIGH) DON’T HAVE THE HIT POINTS OR
STRENGTH TO BATTLE THIS DUDE
RIGHT NOW!!
19
SACRIFICE KNOBBY?? NO WAY!! AFTER ALL LOOK GUYS!! THE IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW
THE MONEY I SANK INTO HIM? HIS LOYALTY BONUS IS TO SURVIVE SO WE CAN RETURN ANOTHER
TO ME MUST BE OFF THE CHARTS BY NOW!! DAY!!! OFFER HIM ONE OF YOUR MAGIC ITEMS!!!
BESIDES, I THINK THIS DRAGON DEPOSITORY THING
HAS DRAWN ME AND KNOBBY CLOSER TOGETHER.
GIVE UP SOME GOOD THINKING!!! I HAVE A
MAGIC?? POTION OF
I SURE DON’T LIKE THE DWARF CONTROL.
THOUGHT OF THAT!! WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF
MEETING A FEMALE DWARF
WHO CARES?? WE’RE GONNA ANYWAY??
GET BACK ANYWAY WHEN
WE MAKE A LITTLE
WITHDRAW!! (HEH HEH)
OKAY BRIAN, THE DRAGON ALRIGHT, I GUESS I’LL GIVE HIM THESE STUPID PINK LEGWARMERS OF
ACCEPTS YOUR POTION AS SPEED. THEY WERE GNOME SIZED ANYWAY. THE ONLY ONE WHO’D THEY’D FIT IS KNOBBY
PAYMENT. HE BELLOWS, FOOT AND WHAT’S THE USE OF HAVING A TORCH-BEARER THAT WALKS TOO FAST?
“I WILL ACCEPT ONE I OFFER HIM MY NOSE RING OF LET’S GO GET
GREAT!!! WE’RE
MAGIC ITEM FROM EACH VISCID GLOBS. IT ONLY HAS ONE HEALED UP AND
OUTTA HERE!!
OF YOU AS YOUR TARIFF!! CHARGE LEFT ANYWAY. THEN WE’LL COME
BACK AND KICK SOME
DRAGON ASS!!
20
KNOBBY FOOT REACHES INTO HIS POUCH, WHA-WHAT THE HELL??? THE LITTLE FREE-LOADIN’
TOSSES THE DRAGON FOUR 500 GP GEMS AND PASSES BY. THIEF!!! WHERE’D HE GET THE GEMS?? HE TOLD US HE WAS
BROKE!!! HE LIED TO ME AND LET ME CARRY HIS ASS!!
WHAT A
SNEAK!!!
DAMN!!! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE, HE’S DEAD. HOLY MOLY!! IT’S
YOU HEAR ME, DEAD! THAT’S IT... ABOUT TO HIT THE FAN AND
TOO LATE BOB!!! KNOBBY FOOT IS
SOMETHING’S GONNA DIE. I FIRE A BOLT OF HIT THE FAN BIG TIME!!!
ALREADY ON LEVEL FOUR AND
REAVING INTO THAT DAMN DRAGON! I RUN DOWN THE STAIRS TO
RACING FOR THE SURFACE!!
THE FIRTH LEVEL BEFORE
WHADDA YA DOIN?? HE BREATHES!!!
I’M WITH
BRIAN!!!
21
YOUR BOLTS HIT THE DRAGON AND IT DISAPPEARS IN A CLOUD OF GREASY BLACK SMOKE
ALONG WITH ALL THE TREASURE. WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS YOU SEE YOUR OLD NEMESIS,
JONID COINCRAWLER, THE GNOME ILLUSIONIST!! HE IS STANDING THERE WITH A HUGE
GRIN ON HIS FACE, HOLDING BOB’S BULGING BAG OF HOLDING, DAVE’S SUITCASE OF
MASSIVE TRAVEL AND BRIAN’S BELT OF INFINITE SPACE. MY MAHOGANY
FURNITURE AND
TALK ABOUT SCAMS!!! CHERRY-WOOD
THE ENTIRE TIME IT DINING SET¡¡
WAA WHAT THE... HUH??? I THOUGHT WE’D WAS ALL AN ILLUSION? I RUN BACK UP THE STAIRS.
JONID KILLED HIM YEARS AGO!!!
COINCRAWLER???
22
OH MAN, I’M IN TEARS HERE!!! THIS IS SO DAMN
FUNNY!!!! I CLEANED YOU GUYS OUT!!! HA HA!!!! HAAA!!! HAAAA!!! I WISH I HAD A
I TOOK....HAR HAR....EVERY RED CENT YOU HAD!!! BUT CAMERA!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE
THE....HEE HEE HOO..THE FUNNY THING IS....HAR LOOKS ON YOUR FACES!!! HA HA!!!
HAR....YOU JUST HANDED IT OVER LIKE A BUNCH OF
IDIOTS!!!! HA HA!!! I CAN’T WAIT TO TELL WEIRD PETE..
23
The Good, The Bad, and the Unlucky
AS YOU APPROACH THE GATES TO THE CITY OF FANGAERIE, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT???
TWO WELL-GROOMED GUARDS IN FRESHLY PRESSED UNIFORMS WE COME TO FANGAERIE ALL THE TIME!!!
STROLL OVER TO YOU. “OUR APOLOGIES KIND THEY’VE NEVER BANNED WEAPONS BEFORE!!!
TRAVELLERS BUT WEAPONS ARE NOT
ALLOWED IN THE CITY.” YOU MUST LEAVE THEM HERE HA!!! MY WHOLE
HOW ODD!!! SOMETHING
AT THE GATE. THEY WILL BE RETURNED UPON YOUR DEPARTURE. BODY IS A
MUST HAVE HAPPENED.
SAY WHAT?? WEAPON!!!
WELL THERE’S NO WAY I’M GIVING UP MY WEAPONS WITHOUT A FIGHT!!! AND I HAVE TO GUYS, WHY DON’T WE JUST CHECK
GET IN THE CITY TO RETRIEVE MY SECRET STASH OF GOLD. THAT DAMN OUR WEAPONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
JONID COINCRAWLER MADE OFF WITH EVERYTHING I HAD. AND GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS???
HEY, WE CAN TAKE OUT THESE TWO
PLEASE SIRS AND MA’AM, FOR THE GUARDS - NO PROBLEM!! SORRY SARA, BUT I’M NOT
WELFARE OF ALL WE HUMBLY LETTIN’ THIS GILEAD-DUDE
REQUEST THAT YOU ALLOW US TO PUSH ME AROUND.
CHECK YOUR WEAPONS.
24
I’M PULLING OUT MY CROSSBOW AND OH LORD!! B.A., I GIVE THE GUARDS MY
LOADING UP A COUPLE OF LONGBOW, QUIVER OF ARROWS, AND MY SHORTSWORD
BOLTS-OF- AND HEAD INTO THE CITY. IF YOU GUYS SURVIVE, I’LL
NOW YER TALKIN!!!
DEVESTATION!!!! MEET YOU AT THE LAME SHEPHERD!!
SCHLINNGG!!
PULLING OUT MY HACKMASTER
+12 HERE B.A.!!!
I’M CASTING A
QUIVERING-WEB
OF CHAINED-
FIREBALLS HERE, B.A.!!!
NOW TAKE A LOOK AT THE TOWERS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE GATE!!! YOU’LL NOTICE A FIVE-MAN CONTINGENT
MANNING EACH TOWER. IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT, EACH TOWER IS ARMED WITH CAULDRONS OF BOILING
OIL, MEDIUM-SIZED BALLISTAE WHICH CAN FIRE TWELVE FOOT IRON SPEARS UP TO 1,000
YARDS WITH DEVASTATING ACCURACY. EACH MAN IS AN EXPERT WITH THE LONGBOW AND TO QUALIFY FOR TOWER
DUTY HAS TO PASS A BI-MONTHLY MARKSMANSHIP EVALUATION. EACH TOWER IS ALSO EQUIPPED WITH AN ALARM-HORN.
A SIMPLE BLAST FROM THE HORN WILL SUMMON 150 TO 300 MEN WITHIN TWO COMBAT ROUNDS!!!
25
OKAY, SO THERE’S YOUR SITUATION. NOW LET’S REVIEW YOUR OPTIONS!!! ONE!! YOU CAN CHECK YOUR WEAPONS WITH THE
GUARDS. IN RETURN YOU WILL GET AN OFFICIAL RECEIPT WITH THE TOWN COUNCIL’S OFFICIAL SEAL GUARANTEEING THE SAFE
RETURN OF YOUR WEAPONS WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO LEAVE THE CITY. TWO!! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR WEAPONS - TURN AROUND - AND
WALK AWAY!!! OH...AND THEN THERE’S THREE!! THE BRILLIANT OPTION YOU’VE ALREADY POINTED OUT - YOU CAN DRAW YOUR
WEAPONS, ATTACK THE GUARDS AND END UP FIGHTING THE ENTIRE CITY - WHICH I’M SURE WOULD BE GREAT FUN BUT WOULD
PROBABLY RESULT IN ALL OF YOUR DEATHS AND MOST LIKELY RUIN YET ANOTHER CAMPAIGN!!!
SOB!! WHIMPER!!!!
SNORT-SOB!!
26
now that we are monthly, we need your ideas and suggestions for KODT STORies MORE
THAN EVER!! what are you waiting for?? this could be just the thing you’ve been waiting
for - your name in bold letters on cheesy newsprint for all the world to see!!! photo-
copy this page and write your own classic KODT story ideas. Mail your entry* to
* The Fine Print: All entries become the property of Kenzer and Company. By submitting your story line, you hereby assign all
right title and interest in and to the story to Kenzer and Company. If your idea is used you will receive a free, autographed
copy of the issue in which it appears. By returning this form with your submission, you agree to be bound by these terms.
B.A. is 30 years old and lives with his parents.
When he isn’t gaming he works part-time in his dad’s
dry cleaning shop. B.A. dropped out of college to
Who’s Who In the Group
follow his dream of being a game designer. He sunk
$6,000 into his first gaming product, DOG: the Role-
Playing Game ™ , which was a bomb. B.A. suffered
a nervous breakdown and left gaming for a few years
before picking up his dice bag again. He founded the
B.A. Felton Knights of the Dinner Table in 1976.
Fluxx
The Card Game with Ever-Changing Rules
Price: $7.95 By Andrew Looney
Looney Laboratories P.O. Box 761 College Park, MD 20741
_____
Fluxx is the simplest game I’ve learned to play in a long time.
But this does not diminish the challenge in any way. The basic
rules are: start with 3 cards each then on your turn draw one
card and play one card. Beyond that you can play cards to
change or add to the rules, so that each player’s turn can be
under a different set of rules. No one knows what the winning
goal of the game is until a goal card is played, and these goals can change frequently. Action cards can be
played to help you or to mess with your neighbor - a must for any great game. It’s never the same game twice.
For 2-6 players. Takes less than half an hour (great at cons!).
Brian’s Rating: Well-Worth-It.
WEIRD PETE”S
BULLETIN BOARD
is a meeting place
where readers pass
along information,
barter, trade and
gossip. Readers
are invited to place
classified ads,
Hack Kreig announce group meetings,
players seek out other players, etc.
Subscribers of KODT may place classified ads
wanted free of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a
maximum of twenty-five words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at
the rate of 50¢ per word with a limit of 25 words. Companies may place ads at
the following rates: [5.5 inches x 2 inches - 50 dollars], [2.75 inches x 2 inches -
25 dollars], [1.5 inches x 1 inch - 10 dollars]. Non-profit organizations (serving
the gaming community) and Conventions/Seminars may place ads for free. All
ads are placed on a first-come-first serve basis with subscribers having priority.
“This Man - Tarred and Feathered???” Eulogy of a Gamer™*
By Gary Jackson
There is an empty chair,
At the table this day.
A hallowed place where,
A friend once played.
Home-Brewed Knights
by Sean A. Foltz
Over the years, a lot of readers have sent us their own ‘home-brewed’ KODT strips or
illustrations. We love seeing the KODT characters through the eyes of other artists. We
thought perhaps the rest of you would enjoy seeing some of these works of art. We’ll try to
run the ‘best of’ the home-brewed KODT illustrations from time to time as space permits.
A LESSER KNOWN
TINKER GNOME GOD
by Celeste Ambrogia
And Now For Something Completely Different.....
A Card Game That’s Fun(ny)
*Advanced Dungeons & Dragons is a registered trademark of Wizards of the Coast. Use of this trade-
mark is NOT sanctioned by the holder. Mythos of the Divine and Worldly, Sourcebook of the Sovereign
Lands, HackMaster and the Kingdoms of Kalamar are trademarks of Kenzer and Company.