Emotional Intelligence

In Action
In The Workplace

A discussion of emotional intelligence

Capacities & competencies

That form predictable workplace behavior

Jan Johnson, MA

Dave Erb, PhD

Learning In Action Technologies

Improving Individual & Organizational Performance
12819 SE 38th Street, PMB 264
Bellevue, Washington 98006-1395
www.learninginaction.com
425-641-7246
Emotional Intelligence – what it is

Professors Peter Salovey, Yale University, and Jack Mayer, Yale University, coined the term.
They focused on our ability to perceive others’ emotions accurately and manage our own
emotions in such a way that relationships are enhanced, not hindered. In his two books, Daniel
Goleman identifies competencies “soft” skills, which play a huge role in our success or failure at
work. Traditional IQ abilities, such as the ability to process data quickly or to learn a new
procedure rapidly are valuable. However, because we must relate to others, participate in joint
decisions, and be able to manage the stress and demands of our current business culture, several
other capacities and competencies are critical for success. These critical abilities make up the
range of emotional capacities and competencies.

The Difference Between Emotional Capacities & Emotional Competencies

Emotional capacities are like all other capacities. We all possess them in varying degrees.
In the physical capacity area, a few of us have a vertical leap of 42 inches. Some of us have a
vertical leap of 6 inches. What is the role of practice in developing a vertical leap? We can
practice and our vertical leap will improve. But a person who has a vertical jump of 6 inches could
practice forever and never reach 42 inches. There is more than practice that goes into having a
vertical leap of 42 inches. It is based on a capacity that in this case is genetically given.

Emotional capacities are a little different. No doubt there is a genetic component to the
development of emotional capacities, but the quality of the relationships a person has
experienced in his or her lifetime makes an even greater contribution. Emotional capacities are
developed in relationship. They are developing from the moment of birth and continue to
develop throughout one’s life.

Emotional capacities are the fundamental building blocks of emotional intelligence. They
are the core coping mechanisms that allow us to adjust to change, maintain commitments to
people, find satisfaction in relationships and create a balance in our emotional life. Emotional
competencies are skills we develop that develop from the core capacities. For example, one
important competency people develop out of the capacity for self-reflection is the ability to
accurately assess them.

Three Core Capacities

Self-soothing, self-reflection and empathy are the core capacities that enable us to
develop a range of emotional competencies and specific workplace skills. These capacities are
essential for growth in our ability to manage our emotions and our relationships. They act as the
foundation for developing a wide range of emotional competencies.
 These capacities are all developed in relationships early in life, beginning at birth with
primary caregivers. While they are in place by age four, unlike the foundation of a house, they
continue to grow and change throughout the life cycle and are expanded and strengthened in
positive, effective relationships.

SELF – AWARENESS – SELF REFLECTION

Self Reflection Defined

Self-reflection is the ability to identify feelings, sensations, thoughts, values, motivations,

pleasures, discomforts, and wants and put them into words. It is the ability to observe yourself
while you are functioning. It is the capacity to think about yourself thinking. It is capacity to be
aware of what you are feeling or wanting or experiencing while you are actually doing it.

This capacity is critical for discernment and for making informed choice. The sequence is
1) awareness of myself in the moment, 2) reflecting on myself, tolerating whatever I am
experiencing, and reflecting on the implications and possibly the source of my reactions, and 3)
moving to informed choice. When I can reflect with self-awareness it opens the possibility of
informed or conscious choice.

Measures of Self-Reflection

The ability to:

 Observe, be aware, and not require change.

 Be aware of feelings or thoughts and be aware that you have alternative choices in what
you think or feel (even though this may be difficult to access at times).
 Observe one’s self (thoughts, feelings, wants, actions), reflect on what impact that may
have in the situation, and to make a choice on what to do next.
 Be aware and reflect on the origins of a particular feeling, thought, interpretation of an
event, or story.
 Be aware of the intensity of a reaction and the appropriateness of the intensity given the
situation.
 Observe myself without judgment or limiting judgments to the degree that they do not
interfere with the observer role.
 Be aware of my impact and how my feelings, thoughts, judgments, and actions may have
contributed to an impact.
SELF – RELECTION IN THE WORKPLACE

The ability to observe one’s self, reflect on one’s self and make conscious choices is the
core foundation for all emotional competencies. This capacity goes hand in hand with
differentiating myself from the other or the object. It assumes I can observe myself separate from
the other and watch/observe myself interacting with the world around me. Acknowledging my
own personal power and how I create my world is dependent upon this capacity. Without it
individuals have difficulty realizing they have any choice in their actions or believing it is possible
to make a different choice.

When Self-Reflection Is Missing

 Individuals with poorly developed capacity to self-reflect have difficulty learning from their
experience, particularly in any conflict or stressful situation. Blaming others is typical
behavior.
 “Victim” based statements are common. They often begin like: “IF only they, IF only s/he”.
 Reactionary behavior of any type is common here because of the inability to reflect on
myself, the situation, and develop choice. Such individuals have great difficulty
understanding they choose their response to any situation.
 Informed problem solving is very difficult.
 Debriefing a situation with open learning about what worked, what did not, and how
different individuals created the outcome is very difficult because these individuals have
difficulty reflecting on their co-creation and identifying other options.
 There is limited or no ability to self-correct in the middle of a stressful, unexpected, and/or
difficult situation. While this limitation is present at any time, it becomes more
pronounced under stress and can place the organization at greater risk.

When Self-Reflection Is Highly Developed

When high producers in the workplace possess this capacity:

 They are able to focus on themselves and observe themselves in the midst of the fray of
business life today.
 They are able to say to themselves: “I’m anxious about this meeting.” “I’m being defensive
right now. I need to listen to what this person is saying.” OR
 “I’m angry. I need to be careful about how I initiate this conversation.” “I’m not feeling
very well.” “I am too excited about this project. I’m too invested in its success. I need to
calm down and be more realistic about what is possible on this project.” These are all
comments of self-reflection
 Self-reflection allows the high producer to adjust his or her behavior in midcourse. Unlike
the rocket that is aimed initially at its target without an adjustment device, high producers
have adjustment devices. They can change direction in midcourse because they can assess
themselves continually and observe themselves in mid flight.

SELF-REGULATION--SELF-SOOTHING

Self-Soothing Defined and Measures

Self-soothing is the ability to soothe painful feelings. A wider definition is the ability to self
regulate which includes both positive and negative feelings. Human interactions inevitably
involve uncomfortable feelings. When you relate to your family or your colleagues, painful
feelings can become triggered. You might feel hurt, angry, disappointed, embarrassed,
humiliated, anxious, fearful, distrustful, or rage. These feelings are disquieting. They take us out
of our comfort zone and into a state of disequilibrium. In order to think clearly during these
moments, we need to regulate or soothe our own difficult feelings and find a way to calm the
waters so we can reestablish our sense of equilibrium.

Methods of Self-Soothing

How do you soothe or regulate yourself when you are upset? All of the following ways are used
to regulate painful or uncomfortable feelings:

 Do you withdraw and quiet yourself alone?

 Do you talk with someone else who understands?
 Do you devalue or put down the person who initiated the “upset”?
 Do you attack the person who created the discomfort?
 Do you have fantasies of revenge?
 Do you talk to yourself fin a calming way?
 Do you use jokes or humor as a method to distance and sooth yourself and others?
 Do you acknowledge what was said and comfort yourself, knowing it is not true?
 Do you turn to others for affirmation of yourself and your value?
SELF-REGULATING/SELF-SOOTHING IN THE WORKPLACE:

People who are successful in the workplace need this capacity. They need to be able to
regulate themselves well enough so their disequilibrium doesn’t poison their ability to function,
think, or work with other people. The ability to invite differences, particularly seeking both the
good news and the bad news is essential for individuals in management.

When Self-Soothing Is Missing Individuals…

 Cannot hear or accept any information that is negative makes them feel uncomfortable
about themselves. They will deny it is true, discount others, etc.
 Will get upset with others and act it out in different ways.
 Will put pressure on getting others to change as a method to reduce their feelings of
discomfort.
 Will behave in ways that others working with them will feel undervalued, dismissed, not
heard.
 Will learn not to be the bearer of any bad news. This results in isolation of the person
without this capacity. When this individual is in a leadership or management role it places
the entire organization at risk.

When Self-Soothing Is Highly Developed: High Producers….

 Can listen to a customer who is blaming or attacking, and be able to manage themselves
well enough so they can continue to relate to the customer and work to solve the problem.
 Can welcome news, with no censorship. This allows for surfacing and using negative or
disturbing information that is important to the success of the business or relationship.
 Can allow others to freely be who they are and to be valued for who they are
 Enjoy positive support by others while getting more accurate information

EMPATHY

Empathy Defined

Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another person’s emotional experience or
state it means I can understand you and appreciate your position. It does not imply that I change
my experience or actions. It is differentiated state where I understand, appreciate, and care but I
do not necessarily change my position or do something because I feel sorry for you, which is more
of a sympathy response.
Measures of Empathy

 How well you read another person’s emotional experience from their words, facial
expressions, and other non-verbal cues.
 The ability to identify the other person’s range of feelings.
 The ability to understand what another person is experiencing.
 The ability to understand and appreciate someone who is different from you.
 The ability to listen to another person share what he or she is thinking, feeling, and/or
wanting in order to understand what must be going on in that person’s head without
needing them to change.
 The ability and commitment t0 really listen with the goal of understanding what the other
person might be experiencing rather than listening just enough to formulate your response
with your ideas or stories.

EMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACE

Empathy is an important capacity in the workplace, particularly when managing people or

working in a highly interdependent environment. It is essential for team members, managers, and
leaders to have the ability to understand others and to allow themselves to be impacted by what
others are experiencing.

When empathy is missing

 Leaders don’t listen. Leaders who don’t listen to their direct reports become isolated and
out of touch with the people who are following.
 Team members don’t listen. Team members who don’t listen and understand others on
the team become disconnected from the team.
 Individual experience is not recognized or appreciated.
 Differences are dismissed, as having no value.
 A gap grows between “the party line” and what is real for people.
 Diversity of opinion is not sought out or valued. The goal of using the intelligence of the
whole is diminished or lost.
 Seeking input from others is typically done more as a strategic move to gain position or
power rather than from genuinely valuing others thoughts and ideas.
 It is difficult to train and maintain a high level of customer service because it is difficult to et
into the “customer’s shoes”.
 Communication is often hampered.
Star performers with highly developed empathy…

 Have the ability to relate to people who are different as well as ot those who are similar.
 Are able to relate to team members, vendors, customers and bosses who have different
motivations, different values, different ethnic heritages, and different perspectives from
their own.
 Value differences and seek to learn from others, which helps to unleash the intelligence and
input from a wider range of individuals. This reduces the potential for error due to lack of
information and/or sabotage.
 Are able to genuinely listen to complaining customers or be with other difficult people and
be able to really listen, express some level of understanding with words, and then offer
alternatives or ideas.
 Have the ability to lean into learning with others. This may mean taking the initiative to
contact an interfacing department, team, and division or labor pool to hear their situation.

RELATIONSHIP MATRIX

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

CAPACITIES, COMPETENCIES & WORKPLACE-SKILLS

This matrix provides a map for understanding the relationship between capacities,

competencies and workplace skills. Understanding the differences, their relationship, and the

hierarchy of their development is helpful for interpreting behavior and targeting education or

organization initiatives. Nonetheless there is considerable overlap and interdependence in the

development of capacities and competencies. Historically organization development, leadership

development, and staff development efforts have focused on unique skill development. This is

appropriate and works efficiently in the technical learning arena. In contrast, organizational

initiatives that impact people and how they work together to get the job done should focus on the

capacities, competencies, and the resulting workplace behaviors. Our premise is without attention

given to strengthening the core capacities and building this into daily work life in simple but

effective ways, the potential for long-term organizational change is greatly diminished.
CAPACITIES COMPETENCIES* EXAMPLES OF DEMONSTRATED SKILLS – BEHAVIOR IN THE
WORKPLACE
Emotional Self Take responsibility for my own feelings, thoughts, wants, and actions
Awareness
Aware of the level of Intensity of my feelings
Able to observe myself in situations, particularly difficult or stressful
Accurate Self
SELF situations and make choices in the moment
Assessment
REFLECTION Able to use m feeling (anxiety, fear, jealousy, sexual attraction,
SELF
OBSERVER excitement, disappointment) in an appropriate manner in any
context to facilitate achieving goals
Able to observe myself, and use that information in the moment to
change course when appropriate
Self Control Deal with difficult issues in a straight forward manner
Monitor intensity of responses in a manner that is appropriate for the
Innovativeness context
Has the competence to use his/her own skills and those within the
Adaptability organization to lead innovative programs that may be challenged by
others
Trustworthiness Foster open communication and stay receptive to bad news as well
Conscientiousne
as good
ss
Takes responsibility for one’s own actions
SELF
REGULATION Can be counted on by others for honesty, trustworthiness in
---
Leadership decisions, work, and communication
SELF
SOOTHING Able to sooth one’s own emotions sufficiently to remain concerned
about others and remain committed and conscientious in getting the
job done
Has the ability to cope with the unexpected, chaos, and the
predictable high anxiety that results within the organization.
Able to maintain a “low anxious” presence under pressure which is a
primary factor in helping others cope
Able to manage one’s emotions sufficiently to allow for and invite
differences of opinion in the midst of chaos
Developing Are attentive to emotional cues and listen well
Others
Acknowledge and reward peoples strengths and accomplishments
Offer useful feedback and identify peoples need for future growth
Mentor, give timely; coaching, and offer assignments that challenge
and foster a person’s ability
Understands the power structure within an organization and uses it
well
Show sensitivity and understanding of the other’s perspective with
valuing others perceptions
Help out based on understanding of other peoples’ needs and
feelings
Respect and relate well to people from varied backgrounds and
different perspectives
Valuing and using diversity
Understand diverse worldviews with sensitivity and appreciation for
group differences
Challenge bias and intolerance
Values, respects, and supports individual team members and
protects the groups boundaries to ensure getting the job done
Cultivate and maintain extensive information networks
Seek out relationships that are mutually beneficial
Build rapport and keep others in the loop
Make and maintain personal friendships among work associates
Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a shared vision and mission
Step forward to lead as needed, regardless of the position
Guide the performance of others while holding them accountable
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