Kaufman

Chapter 7 Working with Non-traditional Families

ED 589 Achieving Success with Parents of Students with Special Needs

1. Describe non-traditional families you have worked with and characteristics you needed
to take into consideration.

Lesbian parents: Both moms were invested in their son’s rehabilitation efforts around alcohol
and opiate-derived pharmaceuticals. The biological mom was the “go to” parent for all matters
related to school. Their denial around the young man’s continued usage of substances and the
overwhelming fear that he would not live to be 18 years old were circumstances that made it
difficult to communicate in way that they could hear teacher observations and concerns about
continuing substance abuse.

Single moms: The common traits of single moms is a feeling of overwhelm and helplessness
around exercising parental authority. It is often easier for them to forego enforcing
consequences for skipping school or repeatedly running afoul of school policies around
attendance, tobacco and substance use and carrying products or paraphernalia. They are
frequently unable or unwilling to follow through on counseling appointments, especially if the
appointments were for family counseling or to allow a social worker into the home. I believe
there are often feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. After an initial honeymoon period when
they fiercely want to believe this teacher, this program or this case manager is going to work
miracles, they become detached, hard to reach and occasionally hostile.

Grandparents: The grandparents I currently work with were initially dazed to find themselves in
the role of primary care givers when they are in their mid to late seventies. There is a level of
fatigued resignation and initial wariness about collaborating with teachers who claim to need to
know more about the family history and dynamics. The grandparents I work with, however, are
also tenacious and loving.

2. Points to remember in working with custodial grandparents and grandparents who are
secondary care-givers.

Custodial:
• connect them with other grandparents in similar situations
• connect them with support groups in the community and on the Internet
• make tutoring a part of the IEP so that grandparents do not carry the burden of homework
• aid in grandparent-grandchild dynamics and communications by offering role playing on
difficult topics and handling difficult behaviors
• be consistent with support and praise and encouragement

Secondary care-givers:
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Chapter 7 Working with Non-traditional Families
ED 589 Achieving Success with Parents of Students with Special Needs

• find out if there are other family members available to support the child and engage their
active help to alleviate the burden on the grandparents
• include them and other family members in a classroom newsletter, blog site or events on
the school calendar that involve supporting and encouraging he child.

3. Other grandparents who are very involved but not custodians of the child:
• be open to recognizing the importance a grandparent plays in the school-related decisions
and day to day requirements of the school child and incorporate that grandparent into
classrooms events, conferences and perhaps even the support team.
• make evident your acknowledgment and respect for non-traditional family cultures.

4. How have you handled relationships with non-custodial parents in the case of divorce?

I was advised by my supervisor that the non-custodial parent had the legal right to receive copies
of all communication with the custodial parent as well the right to parent conferences that might
have to be separate but equal to the custodial parent-teacher conference. My experience is that
the non-custodial parent is often hostile and dismissive of the custodial parent’s child rearing
skills and practices. It is difficult to keep that hostility from translating to the school team as
well.

5. Factors for working with foster parents:

• remember that they are not adequately trained for their role
• they often do not feel prepared for the challenges that come with the child
• they might need to be education about special ed law and requirements in a clear and
succinct manner
• they benefit from support in any form, encouragement and appreciation for what they are
doing

6. Describe 4 steps for working with homeless families and transient families.
build trusting relationships through nurturing and respectful visits and conferences
1. invite parents to be partners in the educational process
2. encourage them to invest time in their own continuing education and direct them to
sources for information, support and financing
invite the parents to school often and perhaps offer food at those meetings
1. 3. be sympathetic and non-judgmental: meet them where they are socially and
emotionally
4. be reasonable in expectations around their ability to follow through on pre-arranged
appointments with you and for the child in and out of school

7. Mandatory reporting:
Union District #71 requires that teachers file and spoken report to a social worker at the
Vermont Department of Children and Families (DCF) if that child has related anecdotes or made
a complaint that the teacher, or the teacher witnesses an incident that he or she believes puts the
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Chapter 7 Working with Non-traditional Families
ED 589 Achieving Success with Parents of Students with Special Needs

child at risk of physical harm or strongly indicates that the child might be a threat to another. The
phone call must be followed up by a faxed account of the incident or conversation. A copy of
this written report goes to the teacher’s supervisor and the child’s guidance counselor.
Individual principals have occasionally requested copies of any mandatory report.

8. My history with reporting.

I have made 5 such reports in 15 years about suicidal ideation, sexual abuse, parental drug use &
parental violence, In my experience, outside agencies are reluctant to investigate reports that
address issues with adolescents who are 16 or older since they are juveniles for another two
years. Overburdened state agencies act with more alacrity when young children are involved.
Nonetheless, the reporting is essential because it documents a situation in ample time for the
empowered authorities to do something.

9. Discuss author tips around reporting abuse and neglect:

Gorman advises us to know the law, to abide by the law over school policy, to consider the
situation and act accordingly and to seek help and counsel form others. She also encourages us
to tell the parent(s) about any mandatory report and offer assistance. Finally she reminds us that
teachers can build children’s self esteem and relationship skills by addressing their learning
deficits and empowering them to focus on their strengths.

These are all clear and sensible guidelines. I would emphasis seeking collaboration from
colleagues or case managers in considering the situation since others might have helpful insights
or understanding of the circumstances that have been brought to your attention. And while it is
well and good to remind ourselves that we do our best work in the classroom, it is very difficult
to lock the classroom door at the end of the day after saying goodbye to a teen who might be
beaten, kicked out of the house, put oxycodone up his or her nose or have nothing to eat that
night despite your best efforts with curriculum and on the phone to outside agencies.

10. How do you feel about alerting a family about your report as a strategy for maintaining a
positive relationship?

This is very difficult to do with a parent who you are in relationship with and it is not also hard
to do with a parent who wants nothing to do with school. In the first case, it is essential for me to
call the parent. Any trust is lost if an officer of the court in the person of a state trooper or state
social worker shows up at the house or calls the parent at work. I have been brief and honest in
telling the parent first what I have heard or seen, and second, what I am required by law to do. In
the second case, I honestly don’t take the time to gather the courage and stamina to notify the
parent. I let the state handle it if there is any follow through.

11. To the instructor, this question reads: Families with custodial grandparents, foster parents
and shared custody arrangements represent situations that vary from the traditional nuclear
family. Other non-traditional situations that are also, of course, not uncommon include parents
in the military, teen parents, and parents with diverse sexual orientations.
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Chapter 7 Working with Non-traditional Families
ED 589 Achieving Success with Parents of Students with Special Needs

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