SexWork, The Stigma & The Skills Behind the Job

By Leah Von Noire (@leahvonnoire)

Disclaimer: The knowledge I am about to share is the one that *I* have, I do not speak
on behalf of my colleagues coming from more marginalized communities. I am not a
journalist, I am not a professional nor am I a scholar, this is just something I wanted to
write to share my experience and point of view. When I talk about sexworkers and
clients, it is at all-times entirely gender-neutral, as anyone from any gender identity and
expression can be a sexworker, or a consumer of the sex industry.

(-I am white, cisgender & heterosexual-passing and only partially disabled. I am

extremely privileged and 100% aware of the latter.
-I am French and English is not my mother-tongue, there might be some poor syntax or
vocabulary.)

Before going any further, I would just like to point that sexwork is very often a job that
marginalized communities choose because it’s “easier” and much, much safer (to an
extent, this applies mostly to online sexworkers as we do not face the same risks as full-
service sexworkers) for them to have a job where they can stay at home and be their
own boss.
A lot of trans people, black people & people of color (I would like to mention that as a
white person, I do not speak on their behalf & it is not my place nor my right to, and
that you should listen to the people within these marginalized communities when they
speak up about the issues and stigma they face) and physically and mentally impaired
people, have a very hard time functioning and thriving in the very cis-het, white and
ableist society that we live in.

E.g.: I have a physical disability and some mental illnesses that prevent me from thriving
and being happy while working a civilian job, some days my body or brain ache so much
that I cannot function normally, hence why I chose this line of work. Sexwork allows you
to work around your own schedule and your own mental/physical health.

Introduction :
What is sexwork ?

Sexwork, by definition, is using “sex” and/or “arousal” to sell a product and/or a service.
Sexwork is an umbrella term used to gather together a LOT of activities and services.

A sexworker could be :
• A webcam model
• A full-service sexworker (or escort)
• An digital content creator (selling nudes, clips, audioclips, full-length videos etc.)
• A phone-sex operator
• A pornstar
• A dungeon master/mistress/owner
• A stripper
• A fetish or glamour model (no need to be naked to arouse)
• A cash-mistress / cash-master (findom)
• A rigger
• A panty/sock/etc. seller
(and many more that I might have forgotten to mention!)
- We will call this group of sexworkers Cluster A -

But also, technically, since we are talking about using sex to sell (bear in mind the
following jobs have 100% less stigma and risks than the aforementioned professions.):

• A strip-club owner
• A sex-therapist
• A sex-toy retailer / sexshop owner
• An adult illustrator / artist
• An adult photographer
 Etc. (again, I probably forgot a few but you get the idea.)
- We will call this group of sexworkers Cluster B -

I) The stigma behind sexwork

Trigger warnings for h*rassment, r*pe, m*rder etc, you know.

Stigma! Let’s talk about it. What is stigma?
Google definition of stigma:
Stigma:
/ˈstɪɡmə/
noun
>> a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or
person.

(Disclaimer: I am going to talk about the stigma that *I* face and *my* experiences as
an online sexworker.
My services, just for reference/information, are : content creation, panty/socks selling
and previously findom and erotic stories writer. I do not speak on behalf of the
sexworkers that practice other activities and have different markets than mine, but I do
believe that most of what I’ve experienced is a common reoccurrence amongst many of
my colleagues.)

Sexworkers deal with a great amount of stigma on a daily basis, but especially
sexworkers from Cluster A.

“Sexwork is one of the oldest job in society”, this is a sentence we’ve all heard at some
point in our lives and for a good reason: it’s true.
Sex is pretty much the basis of all things, in any society or species, and will never stop
having its place within our lives in one form or the other. It’s an inherent part of most
people’s lives whether it is for reproduction (for most non-human species) or for
pleasure.
Sex as been used as a trading means for as long as we can remember, and the ways of
providing this service in one form or the other continue to expand in our rapidly-
growing digital world. (Truth be told, I cannot wait for the holograms era and the likes,
I’m sure it’s going to be a terribly thriving and interesting market to explore.)
Sexwork can be very good money but it can also be not very fruitful for several reasons,
whether you are still exploring marketing techniques, you had a life-changing event,
you’re a newbie, you had to take a break, you changed market / aesthetics etc. Some
people can get very wealthy quickly because they are part of a niche, or had a big
following, very specific feature(s) about them, good relations with certain people, it
really depends, and it’s totally unpredictable, when you start sexwork, to “make bank”
(aka : a lot of money / a living) straight away, it usually takes several months/years,
even to reach a point where you can survive on your sexwork income only.

E.g.: I have been doing this job since I was 19 years old (I am 24 going 25 as I write
these pages) and I’ve only been able to make enough to survive for few months. But
this is just my experience, everyone’s sexwork and business is different.

But with the profession and all the “professional” aspects of it also comes a certain
danger/risk that does not necessarily come with other professions.

A lot of people are still not “sexually liberated” and very uncomfortable with all things
relating to sex.

(And I would like to mention that not every sexworker is sexually liberated. Some of us
are very shy, exploring, or even still virgin! No judgement here, respect everyone.)

And that can be for several reasons: religious, morals, shyness, trauma, or even society!
(and mostly about women’s, trans’, feminine presenting’s and gay people’s sexuality,
because this society is inherently a transphobic and homophobic patriarchy therefore the
only “acceptable” form of sex, in its eyes, is a cisgender-heterosexual married couple
having missionary sex to procreate *only*, and not for pleasure, every blue moon,
*yawn*)

So, becoming a sexworker is already an act of courage in itself, because as soon as your
start, BOOM! Congratulations, at least 65% (it’s a rough personal estimation but if you
ask any sexworker they would probably come up with the same number) of society now
hates you. Sorry about this, we’re trying to change things I promise you.

“Real-life" stigma:

A lot of sexworkers have to work in the shadows, and very often cannot reveal to their
relatives and friends the nature of their job. A lot of us come up with very creative
alternatives however (Social Media Marketing, Graphism, Photography... You name it.).

I am open about my job to the public and to my mother, but the rest of my family does
not know (and they don’t need to know, as I’m not trying to get disowned.) I am very
lucky to have a supportive mother and friends, but that’s very rarely the case.

Getting disowned by your family, or abandoned by your friends and partners, is a very
common occurrence amongst sexworkers, which can lead, unfortunately, to a
deterioration of their mental health and living situations, homelessness, dangerous
situations, and sadly, sometimes, more.

Online stigma:

The fast rise in technology has given most of humanity access to the internet,
smartphones, social media, etc. With that came making online sales / using social media
to make sales. A lot of sexworkers, whether they offer digital content or in-person
services, have been more and more using social-media platforms to advertise, because
being on social-media and especially on massively used platforms such as Twitter and
Instagram, increases your visibility and chances of finding new clients and thus,
increases your “popularity” and income.

We are now going to talk mostly about the cons of social media, safety for yourself and
others and CONSENT.

Some platforms have been created especially for sexworkers (to only mention one,
AVNStars is the same as a social media feed and you can use it to also make sales,
unfortunately, even if this website is amazing, it is used mostly by people who are
already connoisseurs of the industry, so it does not get the same kind of visibility as the
big twos.) But most of us continue to use Instagram (who has now banned anything
that looks remotely like skin so good luck, but you will always find a way to advertise
your content without having to show skin, and that is especially to protect minors but we
will talk about this in a few moments.) and Twitter (who still allows porn to an extent
but things might change at some point depending on who will buy the company, RIP
Tumblr (Tumblr was a blog-like social media platform where nudity and porn were
allowed until they got bought by a company whose moral values didn’t really agree with
porn, therefore they banned everything and lost a lot of money, peak.))
But with the good side of social-media also comes the bad side. Buckle up because there
is a LOT to say here and that’s what we’re most interested in within this section.
Aforementioned trigger warnings apply.

Cyber-Bullying, Doxing & Harassment

Being a sexworker using social media increases your visibility to new potential clients
but it also increases your visibility to the remaining 65% of society that hates you and
only wishes to see you perish in the Eternal Flames of Hell™.
We usually call people who aren’t sexworkers “Civilians” (they hate that term for some
reason?)

Let me give you a little Google definition of what a Civilian is when we are talking about
sexwork (or any specific community .):

Civilian:
/sɪˈvɪlj(ə)n/
noun
• a person who is not a member of a particular profession or group, as
viewed by a member of that group.
• "I talk to a lot of actresses and they say that civilians are scared of them

There you go, this is the only way we use it when talking about people who aren’t
sexworkers, but it seems to get army twitter and football twitter in all kinds of
emotional states whenever we use it. That being said, anyone that isn’t part of the
football community, is, in their eyes, a Civilian too. (Maybe they could use this little text
to reclaim that term for themselves and stop getting a nosebleed every time we talk
about something else than them, ha.)
Cyber-Bullying:
So, when these people have access to your social media profile that you use to advertise
yourself, it often ends in a lot of comments telling you things such as (trigger warning):
How disgusting you are, how you lack self-respect, how nobody will ever love you, how
your family doesn’t respect you, how you deserve to get raped and killed, how you don’t
deserve human rights, and other things that continue to feed the stigma, such as “you
don’t enjoy your jobs.” “you’re being forced to do this”, “this is only last resort”, “you
wouldn’t want your daughter (always the daughter, never the son. Interesting.) to do
this job”,” this is just legal rape/sex trafficking”, etc. I’m going to spare you the rest of
the details but you can imagine that it gets much more floral than this.
NB: The aforementioned things in bold can be the case sometimes unfortunately, and
we are doing everything in our power to stop this. But I promise you not everyone here
hates doing these jobs.
(Maybe one day they will blame Michael Jackson’s death on us or something. I’m sure it
happened at some point; the Internet is a marvelous place.)
We usually get a plethora of comments on our posts, but also sometimes they call their
friends to lynch us (because a lynch mob is so much funnier when your best mates are
involved.) These can be, most of the time, easily ignored and these people get blocked
swiftly, but it doesn’t stop it to cause a certain strain on us after a while, we get used to
it and some of us manage to laugh at these comments, but it’s not the case for
everyone, and we are only human, it can get very hard when 20 people a day tell you
they want to see you die or get raped.
Besides the comments, we also get dms (direct messages) from people telling us directly
in private all the horrible things they want to do, or that we deserve getting done to us.
Doxing:
What is doxing? Here's the Google definition:

Doxing:
/dɒks/
verb
gerund or present participle: doxing
• search for and publish private or identifying information about (a particular
individual) on the Internet, typically with malicious intent.
• "hackers and online vigilantes routinely dox both public and private figures"

Doxing is unfortunately a very common reoccurrence amongst sexworkers who aren’t

“public” about their job for safety reasons (whether it is family, friends, partners,
landlords, (yes, I will get to that later), civilian jobs, etc.).
Some people just hate other human beings whose “morals” don’t match theirs so much,
that they will go to the extent of stalking and hacking you, to get your private
information and share your sexworker life to people who could very much disown you,
kick you out of your current living place or even murder you. This is SERIOUS. People
DIE. Think twice before you want to mess about with a sexworker and put their lives
at risk. (Just mind your own business seriously thanks.)

NB: This is why you should never use your real name and be sure to cover your tracks
on the internet.

Sexual harassment:

Being a sexworker, and obviously presenting yourself in a very sexual light to attract
potential clients, means that for some reason, some people believe that you are
aroused 24/7, waiting for their horny messages and genitals pics. (Disclaimer: we don’t,
oh boy we really, really don’t.)

It also means that they believe you are, and will be, sexual with EVERYONE, and
obviously want to have sex with the entire human and extra-terrestrial races. (Some do,
no judgement or kink-shaming here.)

This often leads to people being immensely inappropriate with you in the comments, by
private message, and even in real-life, if/when you tell people what you do for a living
(or as a side-hustle).

Some people really cannot seem to grasp the concept that we are mere human beings
and not some sort of sex vending-machine who are constantly turned on. And while
some of you might be thinking right now “Oh give it a rest, you’re naked online and try
to appeal to people, of course this is going to happen.” Yes, I know, however, this leads
us to something that is very seriously overlooked a lot of the time by a lot of people and
not only online or when it comes to sexwork (or even life in general): CONSENT.

What is Consent? (never thought I would have to explain this one day yet here we are.)
Here is the Google definition :

Consent:
/kənˈsɛnt/
noun
• permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.
• "no change may be made without the consent of all the partners"
verb
• give permission for something to happen.
• "he consented to a search by a detective"

So, there it is, the big C-word.

Consensual activities between people and especially adults are not limited to real-life
activities, whether they are sexual or not. It also applies to online interactions with
other human beings. You wouldn’t particularly enjoy someone forcing their horniness
and sexual thoughts (or anything that you aren’t particularly comfortable with, it doesn’t
have to be sexual) on you if you aren’t consenting to it.
This is a very regular reoccurrence in the streets when it comes to “cat-calling” and
sexual harassment, well the internet is no different. There may be no direct physical
threat, but it is nonetheless disturbing. Receiving genital pictures by strangers, unless
you specifically invited them to do so or gave your consent to receive them, is very
disturbing and off-putting.

When it comes to sexwork, when money is involved : consent is usually involved.

Discussing a service with a sexworker, and then sending the payment, is when the
consent happens. Paying a sexworker to provide a service you have NOT previously
discussed with them is not CONSENT. In order for a sexworker to give you consent, you
need to have discussed things with them previously, reached an agreement and sent
payment.

>> Only THEN, the sexworker has given you consent. I cannot emphasize enough on
this. <<
Imagine you are the owner of a bakery, or any other business, or provide services:

>A customer comes in, just grabs a croissant and runs away. You will feel very upset and
violated. Plus, the fruit of your labor has been stolen from you.

>A customer comes in, asks for a croissant, you tell him “Yes, we have croissants.“, they
grab it and runs away, you would still feel violated. They asked, but they did not pay.

>A customer comes in, gives you money and grabs the croissant without asking. You
don’t know if they gave the right amount of money, first of all, and secondly, it is just
VERY RUDE. (Who raised them??). Maybe you didn’t want to sell that croissant. Maybe
that croissant wasn’t for sale, who knows! It’s your business and your croissants, your
rules.

>A customer comes in, asks for a croissant, you tell them “Yes, we have croissants.”,
they pay you and THEN take their croissant, then everything went well and you don’t
feel violated.

It’s as simple as this, and it’s the exact same thing when it comes to sexwork; and if you
do not see it this way, it means you do not consider sexwork to be real work, and that is
a problem. (That I will talk about a little bit further down.)

Real-life Bullying & Harassment

Now that we have covered the issue of cyber-bullying, we are going to talk about the
real-life bullying and harassment that sexworkers often face when telling civilians about
their source of income / side-hustle.

From my own experience, whenever you tell people that you are a sexworker, they
automatically assume that you do in-person work, because they aren’t particularly
aware that the word “sexwork” is an umbrella term. I do my best to educate them and
explain to them what sexwork is and what I do, without obviously putting down my dear
colleagues who do full-service and in-person work. Sexwork of any type is as respectable
as the other, there is no “better” job. We are all equal ad should be treated with
respect no matter what, however it is important to note that some services have a
greater deal of stigma attached to them.

What happens when I tell people I’m a sexworker ?

People often believe that, because you work in the adult industry, you’re automatically
“a slut” or “a sex-addict", “constantly turned-on", “want to fuck with everyone” and
my all-time favorite I read/hear daily: “have daddy-issues".

(let’s do a quick parenthesis on the fact that whenever a man or masculine-presenting

person tells a civilian they do sexwork, I highly doubt that the answer they get is “oh you
have mommy issues then?” > assuming a woman/feminine presenting person who works
in the adult industry has daddy issues is an automatic sexist response from most people
due to the fact that: we live in a patriarchy, and that women’s sexuality is terribly
shamed and stigmatized. I would also like to point out, quickly, that the term “daddy
issues” is being used as an insult against a woman who clearly wasn’t cared for properly
by her father, yet we still blame the victim and not the abuser, interesting isn’t it?
Anyway. “Let’s go back to our sheep”, (back on topic) as we say in France.

Another thing that often happens is : people who directly go from being friendly to you,
to completely cold and stern. That happens to me so many times. I have a sticker that
says “Sex Work Is Work” on my purse (curtesy of Bea Dux (@itsbeadux on Twitter), go
look up The Safeword Project > https://safeword.bigcartel.com/about ), and if I had a
dollar every time someone went from friendly to cold after seeing it, I’d have a villa in
Italy.

But to be completely honest with you, people being stern to me isn’t what bothers me
the most. What really gets to me and makes me very uncomfortable is people, and
especially men (Not all men! He yells.) who go from being polite to being EXTREMELY
rude and displaced. They start asking you very personal and sexual questions, and try to
have sex with you (yes, you read that right) or have content from you for FREE (why
would he pay, he’s a manly-man and porn is free, isn’t it?

(NB : Porn isn’t free otherwise nobody would do it, you are simply watching stolen
content that has been uploaded by thieves, the only ethical consumption of porn is to
directly buy from the content creators, and if you REALLY cannot pay (makes me raise an
eyebrow because some people sell porn to a very, very cheap price), then watch the
videos on the models’ official verified pages so they can get paid per view.)

Now let’s talk about things that are much darker and terrifying.
Aforementioned trigger warnings apply.

Stalking, harassing, rape, murder.

Yep.
That’s what happens sometimes. Too often. One is one too many.
But that’s the reality.
There is some sort of pure hatred towards sexworkers that you’ve rarely seen for ANY
other profession. (No, hating the tax-man or a cop is not the same as wanting to murder
a sexworker.)
If this doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, I don’t know what will.

Leave sexworkers alone. Respect us. Be kind to us.

The sheer amount of dangers most of us are in constantly is honestly terrifying, and it
blows my mind that civilians do not feel that much concerned by other people’s lives. A
lot of people think that, when we mention these things, that we are lying, exaggerating,
blowing it out of proportion, etc. Which shows a clear lack of education, awareness and
empathy.

To be completely honest, people’s reaction to telling them you are a sexworker, is going
to be a reflection of their own comfort or insecurity when it comes to sexuality. Trust
me.

Platform Deletion (or getting deplatformed)

Deplatforming, what is it? Here’s a definition I got from :

https://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/deplatform

“To deplatform someone is to remove their access to a channel for delivering

messages to an audience. Deplatforming may involve not just banning the user
or discontinuing service but also removing any existing content the user
previously created on the site or service.
The term is usually used in reference to social media platforms, such as
Facebook and Twitter, where site owners have banned users, whose
communications have been deemed unacceptable for some reason.
Deplatforming can also refer to removing users from other types of services.
Cloud providers and ISPs, for example, may be said to be deplatforming
someone when they remove a user to prevent them from disseminating a
particular type of content, such as hate speech.”
Sexworkers often face getting banned from social media.
Now, some people (and trust me it’s very rarely sexworkers, but usually celebrities and
civilian users) sometimes, post inappropriate content on platforms that do not allow it.
Porn is safe (for now) on Twitter, but Facebook and Instagram have a very strict policy
when it comes to 18+ content.

However, there seem to be a veritable hunt against sexworkers and adult models,
especially on Instagram, where a lot of models get removed even without having posted
anything that was more than a picture in a swimsuit (but Playboy’s official verified page
can post actual bare breasts, nipples and sometimes even vaginas, and nobody bats an
eye. The power of money.)

> There is a lot to say about social media and I do not particularly wish to stray too far
from my main topic so I will invite you to have a look at Rebecca Crow’s
(@katsandcrows on Twitter) fight against the wrongful deactivation of users from
marginalized communities by Instagram (such as sexworkers, self-harm survivors, fat
bodies, LGBTQI+ bodies, activists, Black people, People of Color, sexual health educators
etc.) > https://www.insta-banned.com/

I myself got de-platformed from Instagram without having ever posted anything that
remotely looked like a nipple or vagina but well, what do I know.

We also get deplatformed from... DATING APPS.

That’s right! We are so dehumanized we can’t even try to meet a partner. Now, some
models try to use dating apps to promote their hustle and get more customers, which I
do not particularly mind but I can understand how it goes against the rules.
However, I got banned from Tinder, Hinge, Plenty of Fish and OkCupid TWICE for just
mentioning to my matches that I was a sexworker when they asked me what I do for a
living. How unfair is that? Some people just report you for existing. It’s crazy. (Note that
people were also reporting me because I said I was vegan and a leftist, clearly, they just
hate everything that doesn’t look like them.)

I have so many colleagues who got banned from dating apps without even trying to
make sales on there, you wouldn’t believe.

(As an expatriate with no long-term friends or family in the UK, this one has been
extremely hard on me and affected my mental health greatly at the time.)

Other social issues:

Life for sexworkers can be really hard and especially from sexworkers living in countries
where sexwork has not been decriminalized.
A lot of my colleagues have to lie about their job when it comes to getting access to
basic commodities such as a roof over their head. A lot of people do not view sexwork
has a real job therefore making sexworkers’ lives very hard.
Landlords, for example, have countless times refused applications from potential
tenants because they were sexworkers, deeming it an illegitimate source of income, or
simply because of their own moral/religious values.
Access to healthcare, physical or mental, but also education, can be difficult for a lot of
sexworkers from more marginalized communities and background.

There is a lot more stigma and issues than the ones I have mentioned but this is all I
can think of at the top of my head. You can find a lot of informations online about
issues that sexworkers from marginalized communities face and you should listen to
them only and at all times when it comes to the stigma they face.

I am now going to talk about the skills needed/that you learn when you become a
sexworker, as a lot of people seem to think that it isn’t hard work, or that it is hard work
but requires zero skills. You couldn’t be further from the truth and I’m going to explain
this to you now.
II) The skills needed

Disclaimer: This is going to be mostly my perspective and point of view as a digital

content creator. I do not speak on behalf of my colleagues offering in-person and full-
service.

To be a sexworker means and requires so much more than “taking pictures of your ass
and selling them.” If it was that easy, a lot more people would be full-time sexworkers,
trust me. A lot of people start sexwork thinking it’s easy and fast money. They couldn’t
be more wrong. Yes, some people are lucky, especially when they already have a big
following on Instagram or Twitter, but to actually make a living from sexwork, you
usually need start at the bottom and work your way up, learning from others and
improving your content quality and marketing techniques as you go.

1) Visual and creative skills

Taking pictures and videos:

A lot of people seem to think that to make content just means to be propping up your
phone on some random thing and take some pictures of your asshole and BOOM you’re
a millionaire. Absolutely not. Depending of your equipment, the image quality of your
pictures and videos will change, but that doesn’t really matter, what matters the most is
the composition.
Composing a good picture of video is not an easy task, you need to be aware of your
background, the position of your camera (is it wonky or is it straight? Is the lighting
good? Is there a glare, a reflection? How well can you see me? Is it the best angle for the
positions I am about to take or will it be too strenuous to fit everything I want to fit in
the frame?
This already takes a certain amount of set-up. And if you are filming a video with
different angles, you have to repeat the process as many times as you change angles.
(Oh, and the frustration of the camera falling off while recording if you don’t have a
tripod, or that suddenly stops recording without you knowing and poof! All your content
is gone, back to square one.)
Aesthetics:

The composition is one thing, but your background and your aesthetics are also going to
play a big part in your success as a content creator. People appreciate eye-pleasing
sceneries and good aesthetics, and to achieve a good-looking background is not as easy
as it seems. Homogenous / coordinated colors are always a plus, especially white,
because it always gives a good contrast with the model and usually heightens the quality
of the image.

But not everybody is into white, and not everybody lives somewhere where they can
have a white background. A lot of people have very specific aesthetics (bdsm, goth,
fairy/pixie, gamer, kawaii, ddlg... To name a few) and while this can be your very own
niche and target audience, some people (such as me) are jacks-of-all-trade and like
mixing and changing aesthetic to cater to a wider audience but also play around.
So, making sure that your backgrounds/sceneries are looking good and coordinated also
takes times and money as you have to arrange everything (especially those of us who
don’t have a filming corner), buy props, etc.

MakeUp, Hair and Outfits:

A very important part of your sales is going to be based on how you present yourself on
social media and to your potential customers.
You will need to be on point most of the time. On point doesn’t always mean a full face
of makeup, lingerie and heels, or anything else that requires preparation, and as much
as a lot of people appreciate very natural content (I do a lot of this myself), even if you
are going for a natural look you need to look good in your pictures.
That being said, people with a very specific aesthetic and target audience will spend a
lot of time making sure their outfit are on points as well as their make-up and hair. (And
let’s note that makeup, lingerie, toys and the likes have a price especially if you’re going
for quality. They don’t just grow on trees we have to buy them ourselves and YES, they
are work expenses.)
As a sexworker, you will be your own make-up artist, hairdresser and costumer 99% of
the time. Learning grooming, makeup and hair skills can always be good (in your daily
life as well) if that’s part of the aesthetic you’re going for, but again this requires
learning, trial and error. (if you could see how I was doing my makeup a few years ago
you’d probably be crying/laughing looking at your screen right now.)

2) Editing and computer skills

Editing:
Now that have the aesthetics and looks of your content out of the way, let’s talk about
the editing and computer skills required as a digital content creator.

On a good day, your whole photoset will look banging with no edits needed and you just
have to upload/schedule it and you’re good (for that part), unfortunately, that’s not
always the case, and very often we have to carefully select the best looking shots and
give them a little do-over in our editing apps (to name a few, I use BeautyPlus, Picsart
and Lightroom for pictures, Inshot and Filmorago for videos.)

Editing photos and videos can be very time-consuming, especially when you are trying
to deliver professional-looking HD content, getting all the settings right and editing
them correctly so it doesn’t look tacky also requires a lot of learning and skills that
cannot be taught overnight. I’ve been taking pictures and editing them for many years
and I’ve only started to know how to make it somewhat professional looking.

Computer skills:

But editing skills are not the only computer skills that you need. A lot of models have
learned how to use more complicated websites and softwares (like Reddit or Discord) to
gain a clientele, but also a certain amount of computer literacy can also be useful when
it comes to keeping yourself safe on the Internet. Webcam models also need to learn
how to use broadcasting softwares (like OBS for example, used mainly to stream on
Twitch) and learn how to watermark your pictures and videos etc.

Besides these, sexworkers also need to learn how to protect themselves and their
content, so how to file a DMCA report for copyright purposes if their content gets
leaked (which can also endanger sexworkers who are not out! Stop stealing content!)
(https://www.dmca.com/faq/How-can-I-file-a-DMCA-Takedown-Notice), but also
know where to find resources for their safety if need be. (Pineapple Support
https://pineapplesupport.org/, United Voices of the World Union
https://www.uvwunion.org.uk/strippers to name a few.)

3) Business and marketing skills

A LOT of your success will come from how you advertise your content, and before you
find the right technique for you, you will try many, many of them, and some won’t work
at ALL, which can lead to disappointment, frustration and lack/loss of earnings. Having
good marketing skills is probably THE most important thing when it comes to be
making “bank” as a sexworker.

That being said, one marketing technique might work for a sexworker, but won’t work
for you, and vice-versa. I have tried so many techniques before finding one that fits my
business well, it made me want to quit many times (and bear in mind that sexwork is not
guaranteed income, some months will be fruitful, and then some months can be very,
very dry.). I’ve had months where I didn’t even meet a third of my monthly goal and it’s
terrifying.

How you price your content, the bundles you have to offer, your sales, discounts, offers
and depending of the niches you will be putting your paw in, all of these things have to
be taken into consideration when pricing and making content, and this also plays a lot in
your success and income as a sexworker (not underselling, not overpricing.. Unless
you’re in findom), it’s an exhausting game of trying to find the right balance
content/price while making sure you make enough money to cover your living expenses
etc.

Some people have very good advice to offer when it comes to marketing your content,
someone I can mention is Amberly Rothfield (@amberlypso on twitter,
https://www.amberlyrothfield.com/) .

4) PR skills
PR (Public Relations) are also going to play a big role in your success as a sexworker, you
need to have good interpersonal skills because you will be interacting with a HUGE
amount of people on a daily basis.
Other sexworkers, potential customers, civilians, trolls... The sheer number of
usernames you will see every day can become very overwhelming very quickly, and
keeping your cool at all times is going to be very hard. (I personally don’t sometimes and
I know it’s cost me a few sales, do not take example on me!)
That being said, I am not asking you to be a brainless robot ignoring absolutely
everything that goes against your values/sense of justice (unless that’s how you want to
run your business, and that is none of my concern, but I firmly believe in using your
platforms and voices to spread important messages and call-out problematic behavior.)

I think there are some blurred lines when it comes to PR on social media, I don’t think
anybody can have it all right or all wrong. It’s not black and white. Some people will
enjoy seeing you getting involved in politics and stating opinions or calling-out
problematic behavior/content, and some people won’t. It really comes down to your
personality and how you want to be perceived.

5) Finances skills
Being a self-employed sexworker means that you will be in charge of your own income,
and while some sexworkers can afford to hire an accountant, some can’t/prefer not to,
and resolve to do their taxes on their own.

Websites you will be selling your content/services on will take a percentage of your
income (E.g.: OnlyFans takes 20%, ManyVids takes between 10 and 40% depending of
the service, etc) so you never really get ALL of the money that you earn, unless you do
cash-meets only or direct sales via payment apps (more money but also more
dangerous, risk of getting your account shutdown, people doing chargebacks, losing
money / risk of scam).

So, after you’ve received payouts and finally get your hard-earned money in your bank
account, you need to calculate how much you need to cover all of your living expenses
(rent, bill, insurance, phone and internet, whatever you pay monthly), but you also need
to take out your taxes (because yes, sexworkers pay their taxes like everyone else! Dang,
I thought my job was not a real job, can I get my money back?), but also put money in
your pension scheme if you have one etc, so having good mathematics and finances
skills is really important if you do not want to find yourself in trouble or struggling.

I don’t have much advice to give on this one because I am terribly bad with numbers and
administration. It has a cost: I had to hire an accountant because I don’t really have
anyone to help me and I really do not want to get in trouble with HMRC (tax people in
the UK).

6) Coping skills
One last thing I’d like to talk about when it comes to having skills, is definitely having
coping skills.
Mental health is important for everyone, no matter what job they have, but sexworkers
have an enormous strain put on us, I’m going to do a quick list to explain why it’s an
exhausting job.

Aforementioned trigger warnings but also mention of child pornography

- Having people threaten violence to you daily;

- Threat to you physical, mental and spiritual integrity.
- No guaranteed income;
- Possibility of doxing, leak, deplatforming;
- Governments rarely care about you;
- Crazy amount of stigmas weighing on you every. Single. Day;
- Physical strain; (have you tried stuffing things inside of you and cumming several times
a day? I’m pretty sure I have nerve damage.)
- Making sure no minors are interacting with your content, safeguarding them as much
as possible, but also making sure the internet is a safe place when it comes to adult
content, which means we are often exposed to child pornography and have to help the
whistle-blowers take these pages down. (https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/how-to-
report-child-pornography-38216 // https://www.iwf.org.uk/what-we-do //
https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/report-violations) (trust me, having to see child
pornography is by far one of the things that fucked me up the most. Sitting on your bed
crying because there are images that will never leave your head until the day you die
truly is something.)
This honestly isn’t even the totality of the things we have to endure on a daily basis.
These are all the things you have to consider when it comes to sexworkers and our lives
but also if you are considering becoming a sexworker.

This isn’t a get rich quickly scheme. These images are going to be on the internet
forever. The more famous/successful you become, the more the chances of your
content being leaked and people finding out/seeing it. Your friends will know, your
family will know, your future partners and employers will know. You won’t be allowed
to work with minors. Some people will turn you down jobs.

It’s going to stick with you forever, and you need to be 100% sure that you are ready
for this. People are mean. People are cruel. This isn’t a decision to be made lightly.

You will need good coping mechanisms, you will need to have excellent intrapersonal
skills. (And I’m not trying to be ableist when I say this, I just want anyone reading this
considering joining sexwork to know what they are in for, I myself am neurodivergent
and prone to severe anxiety and depression.)

This is probably the hardest part of the job. You will struggle a lot some days, it will
happen, and you also need to be ready for this.

Thankfully the community is huge and very supportive. I have made friends, hell, a
family, who have understood my struggles and my head on such a deep level.
Sexworkers are very often very caring and empathetic because we know how hard the
job is. If you need help, advice or a shoulder to cry on, we will be there, because we
have been there.

-Leah Von Noire, Adult Content Creator, Model & Photographer.

Thank you for reading! I know this isn’t perfect, don’t hesitate to give me your opinion
or recommendations if need be!
Follow me on social media:

Instagram: @leahvonnoire / @leahvonnoire2 (backup) / @vonnoirephotography

Twitter: @lehvonnoire / @leahvonnoire2 (backup) / @vonnoire_photo

Content: https://allmylinks.com/leahvonnoire

Useful links:

https://safeword.bigcartel.com/about
https://www.insta-banned.com/
https://www.uvwunion.org.uk/strippers
https://pineapplesupport.org/
https://www.instagram.com/riotsandcrows/
https://uglymugs.org/um/safety/essential-safety-for-sex-workers/
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/safe-sex
https://www.prostitutescollective.net/
https://www.centreformentalhealth.org.uk/crisis-contacts
https://psychcentral.com/lib/common-hotline-phone-numbers/
https://amberlyrothfield.com/
https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/how-to-report-child-pornography-38216
https://www.iwf.org.uk/what-we-do
https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/report-violations