MARRIAGE PREPARATION COURSE

Lesson Five

Masculine and Feminine Psychology

In Matrimony a man and woman agree to live together for the rest of their
lives. Will they be happy or wretched? That depends on many factors. One of
the most important bases for marital happiness is mutual understanding. The
pity is that so many married couples so often fail in this respect. In order to
acquire this basis of mutual understanding, they must realize that the gift in
marriage is the complete giving of self. It is a giving that marriage demands.
It is not a partial giving according to what or how much the individual may
wish to give. It is, on the contrary, the unreserved gift of one’s self to
completely fulfill the morally lawful desires of the one to whom this gift is
made.

“In order to give oneself, it is necessary to know oneself. Nothing is more

rare than two young people who really know each other . . . and this lack of
knowledge causes most of the misery in the new home ... The good, the
wise, the prudent, the Christian, know enough to give themselves, each to
the other but, as a general rule, they lack the knowledge of how to make
each other happy. Take my word for it, they must make a very deep study of
each other, and particularly must the man study the woman.” (Mgr.
Dupanloup) The purpose of this lesson is to provide a solid foundation for
your study of male and female psychology.

Young men must realize that they are greatly mistaken when they judge their
future wife according to their own masculine way of thinking, acting and
loving. On the other hand, young women likewise make a grave mistake
when they judge their future husbands by their own feminine methods of
thinking, feeling and loving. Hence, this study of male psychology and
female psychology is one of the most important lessons offered to you in
your Course in Preparation for Marriage.

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I. PRELIMINARY REMARKS
Before delving more deeply into the subject, a few important introductory
remarks are necessary.

1. TEMPERAMENTS We do not intend to make a psychological study of

temperaments and characters. However, the following chart should be of
some help to you in your analysis of temperament and character.

Temperaments good - Inclinations - bad

optimistic superficial
amiable inconstant
Sanguine frank extrovert,
gay demonstrative
vain, proud
reflective fearful
profound close-mouthed
Nervous pious proud
affectionate pessimistic
loyal
energetic irritable
sincere self-opinionated
Bilious
authoritative domineering
stern
calm indolent
patient negligent
Lymphatic
prudent aimless
wise

These diverse temperaments rarely are found in the perfect state but are
found in combination in each individual to a more or less marked degree,
usually in the following combinations : a) nervous-sanguine, b) nervous-
bilious, c) nervous-lymphatic, d) bilious-sanguine, e) lymphatic sanguine.

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2. INFLUENCING FACTORS It is obviously impossible for us to make a
personal study of the temperament and character of your future husband, or
of your future wife. We shall content ourselves with some general
information regarding the psychological tendencies of each sex. To you is left
the task of studying your friend and noting to what degree the
characteristics we describe apply to him or to her.

Here, we draw attention to the fact that temperament, state of health,

education, environment, all affect the psychology of the individual to such an
extent that a young man may possess certain feminine characteristics, and a
young woman may possess certain masculine traits. In this case, God
permits a young man to seek in his partner the characteristics that he
himself lacks. In this way, the marriage has a greater chance of turning out
happily since one partner complements the other. Consequently, you will find
a man who is inclined to be indolent and easy-going, marrying a domineering
or ‘bossy’ type of woman, etc. (to complement: to complete, to make up
what is lacking in another).

3. TENDENCIES In the characteristics that we assign to each sex, it is to be

noted that we speak of tendencies or inclinations, not of qualities or faults. A
tendency is merely the influence exerted on us by our nature. Thus, some
tendencies are peculiar to the male; others are proper to the female. Where
a tendency grows into a quality or a fault, it is because that growth has been
consciously, willfully agreed to. A moral responsibility is thereby implied.

It is with tendencies or inclinations, however, that we are dealing - not with

qualities or faults. Thus, men are inclined to be proud and egoistic ; women
are inclined to be talkative and vain. By this we mean that the tendency
towards pride and egoism is more pronounced among men; at the same
time, the tendency towards talkativeness and coquetry is more pronounced
among women. Nevertheless, these inclinations or tendencies do not burden
either sex with defects that could not, through self-mastery, be transformed
into qualities.

II. THE PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM

When we penetrate into the life of some homes, we are astounded at the
vast amount of mutual lack of understanding: “My husband does not
understand me,” laments the wife, while the husband complains “My wife is
incomprehensible”. The reason for this situation is that no serious attempt
has been made to understand the opposite sex. We realize that man and
woman differ psychologically but we make no effort to understand what this
difference is.

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In practice, a man will act as though a woman’s reactions are the same as
his own: he will reason with her when he should appeal to her emotions; he
will forget the word of love or the expected caress ... and the result may be
almost disastrous. He must realize that there is a basic difference in each
one’s manner of reacting. As a man, he reacts according to a man’s way of
reacting. She, as a woman, will react according to a woman’s way of
reacting.

On the other hand, the woman will act and react, as though a man’s
reactions are the same as her own She will worry over what he meant by
some action, some thoughtless word, give it a meaning which the poor man
never intended. She, too, must realize that there does exist this basic
difference in the manner of reacting according to whether one is male or
female: She, as a woman, will react according to her sex’s way of reacting;
he, as a man, will react according to his sex’s manner of reacting.

If you want to understand your future partner, be sure to apply yourself

sincerely to a study of this lesson.

A. GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS
This radical difference along every line between the sexes is not the result of
chance. God made the sexes different and He never acts without a purpose.
The purpose for which God created the sexes is the mission or vocation to
which each is called. When God calls anyone to a special vocation, He gives
him everything that he will need to do that work. Therefore, the psychology
of each sex (its tendencies, reactions and the manner of acting) depends
upon the purpose (vocation) for which God created that sex.

What is man’s vocation? Woman’s vocation? Answer these two questions,

and you will have a better understanding of the particular psychology of
each sex.

1. MAN’S VOCATION: TO RULE Man’s vocation in the world is to

rule-first, as master of the home, and then of society. It is to his care that
God confides the two gentle beings, the mother and child. He must assure
their sustenance, security, and protection. It is on him that they will lean
during the trials and tribulations of life. He will make all the decisions bearing
on the life of the family.

He is the head of society also. It is his place to guard the common welfare of
society. In the supernatural order of grace, man alone may become a priest,
that is to say, ruler in that society which is the Church. In the natural order, it
is man’s duty, much more than woman’s, to direct political destinies,
economics, the social life of society.

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To the master belongs authority. God therefore gives man all that is
necessary to him in order to be a good head of the family, a good leader of
society. Also, he is more sure of himself, more individualistic, more self-
sufficient, than is the case with the woman. We have said that he is
egocentric, tending to make himself the center of his life. It is a fact that, by
this seeking for personal perfection, man develops the power that makes him
a leader. Here, a word of caution is needed: It is only a step from the
egocentric to the egoistic and man should avoid taking that step if he desires
happiness whether in marriage or elsewhere. Rather, let his steps be in the
opposite direction: towards making Christ the center of his life. Only in this
way can he be sure of attaining true personal perfection.

In order that the man may fittingly fulfill his role of master, God gave to him
the following characteristics:
 from a physical point of view strength
 from the intellectual point of view reasoning
 from the emotional point of view procreative and protective love

2 WOMAN’S VOCATION: MOTHERHOOD God ordained woman for the

role of motherhood: Physical motherhood for those destined to give natural
life; spiritual motherhood for all others. It is to woman that God has assigned
the sublime role of carrying the child in her womb, of modeling it after her
characteristics, of giving it her blood and nourishing it with her milk; of
supervising its tender years, of being its confidante and friend If we describe
as an artist one who chisels out of cold marble resemblances of humans, all
the more reason for recognizing the talents of a very great artist, the mother,
who forms the little limbs of a child destined to an intelligent and
supernatural life, a child of God, and an heir of heaven - a child called to
become a Christian and a saint!

But there is another kind of motherhood for those to whom God does not
give the vocation of transmitting physical life God demands that these
devote themselves to works of love, both corporal and spiritual, such as the
education of children, care of the sick, social service, etc He will ask certain
ones to consecrate themselves to Him and His works by taking the religious
vows From others He will require total devotion to works of love even though
they remain in the world. From all, He insists upon a life aglow with the light
of love and usefulness to humanity: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with
thy whole heart, and with thy whole soul, and with thy whole mind, and with
thy whole strength; and thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself”

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To successfully fulfill her vocation of motherhood, the woman should possess
great qualities of heart Her entire life should be devoted to procuring
happiness for those around her Only in this way will she find her own
happiness We have said that she is ‘altruistic’ in the sense that her entire
being seeks to devote itself to the welfare of others, for a cause or for a
person It is natural for her to be devoted On the other hand, egoism, when
found in a woman, is much more detestable than it is in man: Self love is
entirely contrary to her true nature as a woman and hence, so much the
more disastrous

To clarify our explanation of feminine psychology, we shall say that God has
endowed woman with the following gifts to aid her in fulfilling her role of wife
and mother:
 from the physical point of view gentleness
 from the intellectual point of view intuition
 from the emotional point of view devotedness

From these general principles, it is plain that God created man and woman
psychologically different, because of the special role assigned to each These
humans, so opposite in many ways, are not made to battle each other They
are made to live harmoniously complementing each other

B PHYSICAL ASPECT
Strictly speaking, psychology does not deal with the physical structure of a
person However, the physical structure does affect the relationship between
the two sexes, determining to a great extent both the mental outlook and the
emotional attitude It is essential therefore that we note this influence of the
physical upon the mental and emotional

Man, being the master and wage earner of the family, will be endowed with
the special characteristic of strength. On the other hand, the woman will be
gifted with gentleness in order to fulfill her role as mother and teacher.

1. STRUCTURE Man, as a rule, will be more solidly built than a woman. His
bony skeleton will be more developed as will his muscles. His constitution will
be stronger, his shoulders broader. Since it is his task to earn the living for
the family by the strength of his arm, nature has developed, to a greater
degree, the upper part of his body - the chest, shoulders and arms. In
general, he will tire less easily: he is made for hard work.

Woman’s constitution will be weaker though she will enjoy much more
physical suppleness. Her entire system is fragile and this is particularly true
of her nervous system and her sexual organs. To fulfill her maternal role, the

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lower extremities of her body will be more highly developed to enable her to
carry with ease the child in her womb.

2. WORK AND SPORTS Hard work away from the home is the lot of
man, whereas nature confines woman to a life of domesticity. In order to
accomplish this work, man has been endowed with strength as his major
physical characteristic. It is for him a natural force. He will be attracted by
the violent types of games such as football, baseball, hockey, boxing,
wrestling, etc ... If he is unable to participate in the games, he will be a
constant, ardent spectator. His superior physical strength endows him with
the role of protector of the woman.

Woman, admitting her comparative weakness, is ideally fitted for taking care
of the home. House-work, cooking, sewing, embroidering, knitting, all are
suited to her ability. As for sports, she should avoid the strenuous kinds and
seek her relaxation in physical exercises such as swimming, tennis, ‘walking,
which will help her develop all her muscles but particularly those of the
extremities. In these sports she should be careful not to over-exert herself.
She should be averse to tournaments and competitive games, where
ambition may cause her to continue beyond her limit and so impair her
health.

The feminine sex has been designated the weaker sex. Some girls have a
feeling of inferiority towards the stronger sex, a feeling which is manifested
by a foolish effort to imitate men. They dress like men, smoke like men
(usually far more than men), assume mannish habits, play strenuous games.
All this is dangerous to their health and almost invariably completely fails in
its purpose of attracting the masculine eye other than to win their silent
evasion. Be feminine! It’s your grandest characteristic, your greatest
attraction.

3. HEALTH AND DISPOSITIONS Health is an important element in the

future happiness of the home. The health of the parents, and particularly
that of the mother, will be reflected in the children. Guard your health and
that of your partner. (More detailed information on this subject will be
supplied in the thirteenth lesson.)

Both of you should realize that the woman has a more difficult time than the
man. The fragile nature of her entire system, especially of the nervous
system and of the reproductive organs, the diverse phenomena occurring
periodically (ovulation, menstruation, pregnancy, birth, nursing) all react on
her disposition. The man must be understanding and sympathetic. On the
other hand, the woman should not permit herself to be whimsical nor force

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her husband to undergo with her every little inconvenience that she
undergoes.

C. INTELLECTUAL ASPECT
There are two important methods of understanding, of grasping truth: reason
and intuition. Man is endowed with reason, woman with intuition.

Reasoning, in the larger sense we give it here, is that slow, cold, exact
knowledge, more or less lacking in sentiment or imagination, that man
acquires from his surroundings. It is speculative and intellectual: Man thinks,
calculates, deduces, makes plans, foresees obstacles, draws conclusions,
gets the general, over-all effect. In a word, he studies every angle, weighs
every possibility.

Intuition, on the other hand, is a knowledge that is spontaneous, warm,

colorful, circumstantial, detailed. It is a knowledge that permits woman to
grasp and photograph mentally everything that she sees. Her heart and
feelings influence her understanding much more than her power of
reasoning. She possesses the faculty of putting herself in the other person’s
place and thereby appreciating their sentiments and wishes. A woman will
grasp details and react spontaneously, change ideas rapidly, and be whole-
heartedly sympathetic.

1. ATTITUDES: GENERAL, PARTICULAR From what we have just said,

it is evident that man will grasp a problem in its entirety: woman will grasp
the details of this same problem. Man proceeds from the general to the
particular; Woman grasps the particulars and builds towards the general
idea.

Man has the responsibility of the family on his shoulders. For the family he
will seek means to increase his income: he will foresee the maturity of his
accounts, etc. He loves to discuss actual problems: he is passionately
interested in politics; he seeks to be well informed on the prevailing social
ideas, reforms, etc. On the other hand, the unexpected will confuse him ...
details escape and unnerve him. He lacks flexibility of action.

Woman has her role of mother to fulfill. Her gentleness will cause her to
attach great importance to the most minute detail of daily living. The
housework, cooking, sewing, and, on a higher sphere, the care and education
of the child are a continuous attentiveness to little things. This minute
attention to detail in understanding and action she will carry over to her
social relations. As a result, she will appreciate or disparage a person
because of apparel, etc...

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This mental attitude which causes man to view things in their entirety, and
which causes woman to view these same things in their minutest detail, fits
them for the fulfilling of their respective vocations. It is easy to see though
how, unless the newly-weds are aware of the difference in their mental
outlook, it would be a cause of mutual lack of understanding. The young
husband will err in thinking his wife superficial, whereas she will consider him
a schemer. She will attach an exaggerated importance to some household
item, to which he will attach very little or no significance. Let each
intelligently contribute his and her share for the welfare of the home.
Certainly, the husband should not expect his wife to stand in front of a
newspaper office so that he may have the very latest news! Neither should
the wife drag her husband out shopping with her, etc.

2. LOGIC Another stumbling-block is the difference in the method of

reasoning of the two sexes. Let us admit at once that both are logical, but he
in his own way, she in hers.

Man is logical in the sense we usually attribute to him: logical in his ideas
and in his actions. Ordinarily, a man will act only after he has considered the
matter and, once he has decided upon a certain plan, he will carry out that
plan. But if something unexpected happens, he is at a loss what to do. He
will have to review his plan and alter it to fit the new situation before he can
proceed.
Woman’s logic is of an entirely different pattern. Man’s is one of ideas,
woman’s is of events, occurrences. One word describes feminine logic: it is
the sense of ‘adaptation’. She will make no elaborate plan of action; she
adapts herself spontaneously to anything that may occur. Her intuition
prompts her to the most advantageous solution of the problem until she
gains the desired objectives.

It is because of this difference in their ways of thinking that the man must
make an intelligent effort to understand his wife. Spontaneous, he will find
her necessarily changeable, constantly contradicting herself, tearing down
today what she built yesterday, etc. He must sincerely seek to find in these
apparent contradictions her striving, very often eager, towards a certain
goal. An opportunist, she will alter her course, adapt herself to any event or
person as long as it assists her in reaching her goal.

This talent for adapting herself, a talent with which has endowed her,
imposes certain duties on her as a wife. It has been said that married people
can be happy only if they meet each other half-way. It is a fact. But if one of
the two should find it necessary to go more than half-way to ensure that
happiness, then it is up to the wife to do so, because it is much easier for her

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to adapt herself to her husband’s ways than it is for him to adapt himself to
hers. This applies to all circumstances relating to the home, food, way of
living, tastes, etc.

3. IMAGINATION AND EMOTIONS These are two more points on

which the masculine and feminine temperaments oppose but complement
each other. Woman has a lively imagination and delicate sensibilities. It is
chiefly a visual imagination: With a single glance she will grasp, encompass
everything, colors, forms, etc. Then binding them together, according to the
impressions of the moment, she weaves them into fantasies, often very
remote from reality. Her “castles in Spain” are often, therefore, a source of
unhappiness. On the other hand, her ingenious imagination will endow her
with a special aptitude for delicate and decorative work: styles, interior
decorating, crocheting, etc. A true genius!

Woman is also gifted with a very sensitive nature. A trifle will give her
pleasure, but a trifle will also cause her to dissolve into tears. She will note
things that ordinarily go unobserved by a man. She is never satisfied with
the external appearances of things, but looks for the underlying motives in
every word and deed. She projects feeling, a soul into inanimate things. Her
sympathies are easily aroused by suffering, her delicate sensitiveness will
permit her to understand her child before it is able to talk. There is nothing
more beautiful than to eavesdrop on the intimate conversations carried on
between a mother and her baby.

To man we often deny any imagination. In the sense that we apply it to

woman, man has little or no imagination. His imagination, in effect, is not
one of things. It is, if we may say so, an imagination of ideas. Man makes
plans and makes them in every realm: economy, literature, philosophy, art,
etc ... His imaginings, being more intellectual, render him more apt for
mental work.

His feelings, on the other hand, are not so delicate as those of his wife. In
many ways, he is quite unobservant. His judgment, though, is less likely to
be wrong as it is based not on feeling but on reality.
It is easy to see how these differences in the imagination and the emotional
reactions of the two sexes could give rise to frequent clashes and
misunderstandings. Constant, mutual understanding of the basic differences
of the sexes is vitally important. The woman’s imagination will cause her to
dwell on and exaggerate some lack of tenderness on the part of her
husband; she will try to connect it to some other incident, some other trifling
occurrence, and will arrive at conclusions that, if not erroneous, are at least
exaggerated. And the husband, to whom it never occurs, that his wife might
like such a present, such a delicacy or such a caress, goes casually, blissfully,

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on his way, totally unaware of the pain he is causing her by depriving her of
these things.

4. JUDGMENT Woman’s judgment is more rapid, man’s more accurate.

Woman’s intuition aids her in readily grasping a situation, a state of mind, a
mood, an obstacle. Her judgment will therefore be hasty, her decisions
spontaneous. Usually, this first impression should be tempered by a more
considered second thought. Otherwise, there is a good chance that she may
be wrong ... the more so because a woman tends to judge according to her
likes and dislikes, and usually her likes and dislikes are very intense. Her first
impression, good or bad will influence her later judgment of a person or
occurrence. Hence, the need for the more considered second thought.

A man, on the contrary, before passing judgment, will usually study the
problem, weigh every possibility, measure it from every angle and make his
decision only after every possibility has been considered. This takes time, it
is true, but the result will be more accurate.

This difference will almost certainly provoke a certain amount of friction. The
wife will find her husband slow; she will complain that he does too much
figuring before making a decision, that he takes all the pleasure out of life.
She should console herself by remembering that God made her husband this
way in order to act as a counterbalance to her spontaneity. Nevertheless, the
man should not abuse this slowness. He must place his confidence in God
and make his decisions accordingly. He must help to correct, without being
too critical, the subjective judgment of his wife when it is obviously wrong.

5. MUTUAL INFLUENCE Matrimony permits the husband and wife

to complement and to influence each other. Words will serve as the means
by which they exchange ideas. In this realm the principle to be remembered
is this: The wife should accept what her husband says as a fact: the husband
must try to understand what his wife ‘means by what she says.’

Unless he is a hypocrite, a man says what he thinks. As a general rule, he

has no use for diplomacy or guile. A woman will gravely err if she insists on
giving to his words interpretations that he never intended. She has only to
take him at his word: If she does this, she will avoid uselessly complicating
their relationship and that of the family.

On the other hand, because a woman does not always say exactly what she
means, she leaves a lot to the imagination. It will be a happy home where
the husband can read between the lines and interpret his wife’s wishes. She
should make a practice of telling him clearly her most secret desires if she
expects him to understand exactly what she wants.

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The art of tactfulness that God has granted to woman imposes duties on her
where her husband is concerned. She must be his guardian angel ... and very
often, without letting him suspect it! She must circumvent him, sway him,
influence him so that he will always remain on the right road - a woman’s
natural work if she is a loyal wife. But, and note it well, in her methods of
doing this, there must be absolutely no trace of deceit. Her influence will
have been worthwhile if her husband can say “My wife is much better than I
am.”

6. SELF-ASSURANCE Man’s self-assurance is much more marked than

woman’s. At the same time, it can be for him a very serious temptation. As
we have mentioned before, it is but one step from self assurance to self-
sufficiency and egoism. This one step must be avoided! This self-assurance
must be based on the humble recognition of his absolute dependence upon
God: dependence for continued life and strength, dependence for the ability
to do his work efficiently, dependence for all the other graces, whether
recognized or unrecognized, that enable him to fulfill the duties of his state
in life. No better principle could guide him through life than the one
enunciated in Lesson Two: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His justice,
and all these things shall be given you besides.”

Based on the two principles of a) absolute dependence upon God and b) the
promise of God’s providential care for those who place the emphasis on
striving always for spiritual improvement, the self-assurance of the husband
will lead to both spiritual and material security and peace for the wife and
family. They, in their turn, can rely with complete confidence on the husband
and father as upon a channel of divine grace through whom flow the means
of their temporal and eternal happiness.

The normal woman psychologically is entirely devoted towards others. She

finds her happiness only in the happiness of others. The husband should
realize that, if he wants to see his wife supremely happy and entirely
devoted to the welfare of the family, he must be attentive and foresighted
towards her. His efforts to train himself to anticipate her immediate desires,
her needs, to take her and keep her into a vital partnership (instead of
merely allowing himself to take her for granted), will reward him to an extent
that will be surprising. A note of caution may be necessary, however: he
must be careful not to spoil her by catering to every selfish little whim or
caprice that may be sought only for her own self-glorification.

What we have just said about the self-assurance of man explains why he can
laugh freely at the jokes poked at him, whereas the woman would be greatly
upset. The man would be well advised to be more attentive to the judgments

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of others; the woman to be more independent of these same judgments. In
this way she could rid herself of the slavery of fashion and so come to the
development of and dependence upon her own initiative.

EMOTIONAL ASPECT
Do men and women love in the same way? This question must be answered
by the emotional aspect of masculine and feminine psychology. The answer
will throw light on the way the newly-engaged and the newlyweds should
conduct themselves towards each other if they wish to avoid tragedy.

1. AFFECTION AND GRATIFICATION As has been said in the third

lesson (Differences in Conjugal Love), men and women do not love in the
same way. Man has one idea of love, woman another, and this difference lies
as much in the spiritual and supernatural point of view as in the sexual.

When it is a question of love with regard to the man and the woman, this
love will have certain characteristics; its “color”, if we may so describe it,
being drawn from the very roots of the sex which gives it birth:

a) From the point of view of entirely sexual love, man, representing the
aggressive generative element will engage in a daring, venturesome love. He
will take the initiative. He will seek the conquest of the opposite sex. He will
seek to possess the female. His will be an aggressive love which will lead him
to act.

Woman’s role is to receive. Her love, therefore, will be the receptive type.
Woman will show her love by seeking and accepting the marks of affection,
whereas man will show his love by giving them to her. She will want to be
conquered; but, more or less knowingly, she will play “hard to get” in order
to excite his interest. She will avoid him, but only inasmuch as it will make
her seem unattainable and consequently more desirable in his eyes.

We have repeated over and over again that the male, more than the female,
seeks carnal gratification. A distinction and clarification should be made on
this point. Man being necessarily aggressive, his love, his search for
pleasure, for sexual satisfaction, will appear more audacious in their exterior
manifestations. As we have said, man goes out in search of sexual
gratification and finds it normally in the opposite sex.

The female, on the other hand, being receptive, awaits man’s pleasure for
her sexual satisfaction. She does not show her love as he does. For her the
search for pleasure, for love, consists in a desire to be conquered by the

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opposite sex. She will seem less eager for sexual enjoyment. This does not
imply that, left to her own resources, her nature may not drive her to the
gratification of these pleasures. Natural decency may save her from “going
the limit” in indulging her passions, but she will quite possibly give free reign
to her imagination. Also, much more so than the young man, she will literally
become enslaved by stories dealing with romantic fiction. Reading them, she
gives herself over to day dreaming, and may find therein pleasures and
satisfactions to an extent that is sinful in the eyes of God. With an ease
equaling that of man she will indulge with her companions in dirty jokes and
conversations.

It is true that many women are disgusted by the blunt, open efforts of so
many men to gratify their carnal instincts outside marriage. On the other
hand, it is a sad thing that even such men have been heard to remark, “If
you want to hear a really dirty, disgusting joke or story, go to the girls.”
Certainly, there is considerable room for improvement among both sexes.

b) If the manifestations of sexual love vary so much between the sexes, it is

not surprising that the manifestations of their spiritual and supernatural love
will be equally different. Let us repeat, it is not that one has more depth or
sincerity: It is that the love of man and woman differ to the extent that it is
impossible to compare them.

It must be noted, however, that, of the two sexes, the young man has far
greater difficulty to preserve his chastity than does the young girl. The
freedom and lack of restraint in factories and business offices are a constant
source of temptation, whereas the young girl, more carefully supervised, is
more protected against this onslaught of evil.

Unhappily though, in these days the young girl is drawn into factories and
business offices where, too frequently, a deplorable state of
promiscuousness exists. In this environment, she is faced with assaults
against purity as violent as are those of the young man.

Here are a few means for the preservation or the reconquest of purity and
chastity. These are both natural and supernatural means.
1. The natural means are cleanliness, devotedness to work, avoidance of
occasions of sin (persons, books, pictures, movies, conversations, songs,
etc.) self-discipline and wise use of time.
2. The supernatural means are sincere love for Our Savior Jesus Christ, our
most tender and loving Friend, and an ardent desire to make Him known and
loved; a devotion to the Blessed Virgin; the heartfelt prayer: “Savior, keep
me pure in heart and soul;” the frequent reception of the sacraments of

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Penance and Holy Eucharist. With these means, there is no young man nor
young woman who can honestly say “I cannot remain chaste!”

Education and environment play a big part in the practice of chastity. By his
nature, man is actively attracted by women. Consequently, everything that
emphasizes her physical build will certainly tend to stimulate, excite, and
enliven his interest in her, and rouse his passions. Too many a young woman
often seeks in this way by her behavior, by her manner, by her dress, to
attract men. Styles that would compel all women to dress in this fashion are
nothing less than a curse! When such clothes (or lack of them) are worn with
the deliberate intention of thus attracting men, it is nothing less than an
eternal tragedy! Here we have a woman whose interest lies in attracting
men, even at the possible cost that her methods of so doing may lead to his
eternal damnation!

Many a young woman who so stoutly condemns the boldness and

forwardness of young men of her acquaintance might do well to check up on
the modesty of her own attire! Much of this boldness may be only the
reaction of her acquaintances to her own lack of consideration for modesty in
dress. If a girl dresses suggestively, then she should not be surprised if
passions are aroused. Unconsciously perhaps, but none the less certainly, it
is she herself who is drawing to herself the attention of young men; it is she
herself who appeals to their senses - and is the very cause of their
temptations.

Remark to the young women of today that such a dress is indecent or

immodest and the majority of them will exclaim “But there is no harm in it!”
Maybe they do not see or realize the harm. It is an absolute fact that young
men of today realize it: their passions are inflamed by the sight of our
modern young women with their seductively scant attire.

Thank Heaven, there are still many women who disdain such contemptible
tactics as those mentioned above. Thank Heaven, there are still many who
choose their clothes with Christian consideration for their own modesty and
with some forethought for the possible reaction of their choice upon their
male friends and co-workers.

Among these truly noble women, however, the sad cry often arises, “Yes, we
dress modestly, live clean - but it’s the other kind of girl who gets the best
husband!” This is a false conclusion. Honestly now, what is your evaluation of
the young man who is so easily led astray by such girls? Has he the strength
of character that you do want in your husband? And what would be your
guarantee of future fidelity in marriage if he is so easily duped by such

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obvious shameless tactics outside marriage. Is this what you would consider
“the best husband”?

Persevere, then, and pray that when God will have completed His
preparation of you for marriage, and you have cooperated by helping in this
preparation, He may then send you the one who to you will be undoubtedly,
the best husband. God richly rewards those who place their entire trust in
Him.

The young woman can do much to help preserve the chastity of the man who
will one day be her husband, and she should do everything in her power. It is
to her advantage to have her fiancé love her with a love that is clean and
respectful. If, by her easy manners, her dress, her behavior, she arouses his
passions, she will be the first to suffer.

Christian charity, the true love that she should bear her future husband,
should make her seek to be his inspiration and strive to elevate his thoughts
to the heights of purity and modesty instead of dragging them down to the
sensual. It is inspiring to see so many young women who, by their reserve,
and by their modest demeanor, succeed not only in making themselves
respected, but in raising as well the love of their fiancé from the sensual to
the spiritual! Blessed, indeed, is the young man who is so fortunate as to
meet such an ideal young woman! To quote part of the Gospel, “he has found
a pearl of great price”.

Let us conclude by saying that a young woman must be reserved also in the
expression of her affections. A caress which to her will be meaningless, a
mere token of affection, may be to the young man a sexual stimulus that
may very well be an occasion of sin. May the young woman always
remember that she should be his guardian angel.

2. DESIRE TO CHARM The physical features of the female exert a profound

attraction on the male. On the other hand, the woman has a deep-rooted
desire to charm, to attract attention and love. This desire to be noticed may
result in her being coy and coquettish. Let her ambition be to please, but to
please by her modesty and reserve.

This very desire of the young woman to be showered with attentions will
make her exceptionally sensitive to the compliments paid her by her
husband. The young fiancé or husband should recognize the true qualities of
his wife or future partner. He should appreciate fully her labors and her
devotedness. A new dress, a tasteful ornament for the home, a good meal,
all should be made the occasion for a well-merited compliment. That it be
recognized and appreciated is the sole recompense a woman desires in

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return for her devotion. But it would be deceitful to exploit this feminine trait
for an evil purpose. The young woman must be able to distinguish the
sincerity or the knavishness underlying such a compliment. Otherwise she
will fall easy prey to the self-love that we have described in this lesson.

This desire to charm is at the root of the jealousy that exists between
women. Unconsciously, in feminine rivalry, there is jealousy at seeing
another more successful than themselves, attaining the happiness that
eternally eludes them, this one winning a suitor that she herself desired, that
one getting married sooner than she herself, etc. It is a defect that must be
overcome since it tends to lessen the worth of the one tainted by this
outlook.

3. TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED We know now what we should think of

the question “Does man love more than woman or vice versa?” For us this
question has been answered by what we have said above.

Each should love wholeheartedly and not bother wondering whether they
love to a greater degree than they are loved. The aggressive nature of man
and the receptive or passive nature of woman will have repercussions even
in the realm of love. Man’s love should be a never-ending conquest of his
wife’s heart. The woman should always seek to incite and merit this love.

Man instinctively seeks “to love” in preference to “being loved”. He will

select a young woman who pleases him without her seemingly having made
any effort to do so. He will lose interest in the young woman who seems to
be running after him and who does not seem sufficiently indifferent. Even
after matrimony, a slight amount of unconcern should persist in the woman’s
attitude, if she desires to keep aflame in the heart of the male the spirit of
conquest which is essential to his nature.

As the female has an insatiable need to love and to be loved, she is capable
of every sacrifice and of total devotion, if she is only assured of her
husband’s sincere and constant love. This love she should arouse
spontaneously, maintaining it by the allure of all her most feminine charms,
particularly those of the soul. Never should she relax in her desire to please
him, to charm him.

Poor deluded wife, sure of herself, taking her husband for granted, ceasing in
her efforts to please him by a lively character, a charming manner, a
beautiful appearance! She must not forget that every day her husband is
thrown into contact with other women, beautiful young women who,
sometimes unconsciously, seek to attract and charm him. Wives must never
forget that the winning of a husband does not end at the altar rail with the

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pronouncing of the marriage vows. This conquest of his love is only
beginning!

Two warnings we would offer before we conclude this lesson. The Christian
family is the foundation and support of a sound, happy, peaceful world. You
can expect the devil to do his utmost to wreck your marriage. In addition to
the study of psychology which you have just made, we urge that you make
constant, full use of the graces that are yours through the Sacrament of
Matrimony.

Problems may arise when the husband or wife (or both) may, for one reason
or another, hesitate to speak out, may hesitate to consult the other partner.
It is an unwise course to follow. Openly discuss your problems, attitudes -
and ask the Holy Family to sit in at your conference. Do not keep your
differences stored up in order to indulge in self pity over some real or fancied
hurt. Mutual understanding is not to be won through secrecy. “You shall know
the truth and the truth shall make you free.”

The second warning follows from the first. Many a person who would
otherwise speak out in an attempt to produce the solution to a problem,
fears to do so because of the partner’s impatience, irritability, or
stubbornness.

Both partners must strive to the utmost to develop the virtues of honesty
and patience if there is to be mutual understanding. Be patient when your
partner mentions a problem that touches you. Impatience, like a smile, is
contagious. One sign, one word of impatience, leads to another; impatience
leads to anger and resentment; resentment leads to hate. Only, too gleefully
does the devil rejoice over the home ruled by fear of a nagging wife or of a
stubborn husband.

It is a loveable quality to be able to honestly, quietly admit that we have

such-and-such a fault, and then make efforts to correct it. It is a serious fault
when touched pride rears up in anger. Be honest, humble, patient, generous
and open.
“In patience you shall possess your souls.”

III. CONCLUSION
What may have seemed too difficult, impossible, before undertaking this
study, is now clearly defined. It is to the help of the Holy Ghost that you must
have recourse in this study that you have just made, one of the other. With
the graces of Strength and Generosity obtained through the Sacraments and

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prayers, you will find the courage to undertake the psychological
adjustments necessary to meet with equanimity the problems inevitable in
the making of a home.

Come, Holy Ghost, fill the hearts of Thy faithful and kindle in them the fire of
Thy love.
Send forth Thy spirit, and they shall be created.
And Thou shalt renew the face of the earth.

Let us pray.
0 God, who didst instruct the hearts of the faithful by the light of the Holy
Ghost, grant us in the same Holy Spirit to be truly wise and ever to rejoice in
His consolations. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

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