10:25 am, Monday, 3/8/2010 1st, 12 Imix/Crocodile, Alligator

MAKING A SHIFT — JOURNALING — PG-rated for language

♥ This video

Wow, this is really cool. I knew the Mayan day, for the first time, without looking
it up. The number part is easy, obviously: the days run from 1 through 13, and
start at 1 again. No-brainer. Getting the 20 sun signs in the right order, though;
well, it just feels good that I remembered.

I just sat through or listened to the recordings of yesterday’s journals; well, the
ones I posted yesterday, anyway. They were all from the 5th of March. It was a
strange, interesting experience. I like the little animation toys that came with the
web cam. Not to get distracted by them, though.

Anyway, it was strange, watching myself like that; like I was just observing the
self being the self. Pretty weird. What was said was pretty good, though. You
guys, out there, who listen to these things; would it surprise you to know I even
disagree with myself?

Yeah, I found a few places where I either would have said things differently...or
one place where I actually kind of disagreed with what was said. Like I said,
weird. Oh well. We do what we can, right? I’m just doing my thing.

So, what is new, today? Whenever I want to go within...uh oh. Maybe I’m not
supposed to be journaling, now. This feels strange. It’s all feeling, kinda;
sensation, but with no words. I’m winging it, here, to keep writing these words. I
don’t usually do that. Spirit provides all the words.

I’m gonna go with this. Brb.

~~~

10:44

Well; I don’t know what to say. Something just happened, there. Had to wipe
the tears off my face, when I returned. Really deep. Okay, let’s see what
comes of it. Let’s keep journaling.

What I was saying, above, was that all this journaling, all these words, don’t
come from the mind. I don’t’ write from a mental space. I don’t’ think about
what I write, what to write, what to say. It just arises, see?

It arises from Heart Space, from being connected there. Thus, I don’t really
choose the words. They are chosen, and I just write them down. Tough to
explain, but if you get it, you get it. Easy in practice, tough to put into words.

So, anyway, up there, the words were not coming. I wasn’t hearing them.
There was sensation, an odd feeling--which I won’t even try to explain, except to
say it was centered around heart--but no words. Silence.

So I started writing, filling in the words; not knowing what to say. I mean, I was
journaling, and I guess maybe that action had a momentum, or something, that
just carried me along into writing some words. I knew it, though. I knew they
were not arising from heart, and so I said so, there, before I went deeper within.

So, this is just more of what I’m doing, here. I’m willing to play the fool, you
know. If you’ve seen all these recordings, then you’ve seen me do it. The song
and the dance, my song and dance come from somewhere, deep within, and I
just am them. It’s not that I do them; they do me.

Some can see what this means, what I’m saying. All could, if all were in
heart...so let’s go there, okay? It’s a blast.

I guess you may have to do a certain amount of de-construction of self, of self-

deconstruction, before you are able to totally flow with this. As long as we are
identified with outside things, with things on the surface of being--like a house, a
car, a job, our roles...heck, a body or mind--to the extent that we identify with
these, we are or will be misled. They’re unreal.

How can we expect to find reality, Reality, capital “R”, when we’re looking in
unreal places and spaces and things for it? Does that make sense? You know,
all those gurus and avatars, the wise masters and humble ones have said the
same thing, pretty much, down through the ages. Did we think it was all BS, or
maybe just that it didn’t apply to us?

How many, freakin times have we heard “God (‘typo’ for go) within?” “The
Kingdom is within?” In how many languages do we think we have to hear this,
and in how many lifetimes, until we awaken? Do we think somebody’s going to
come along and do it for us? Someone will come by, tap us lightly and say,
“You are awakened, my Son, now arise”?

Come on, folks. Get real. Awakening is a do-it-yourself undertaking. It’s one
thing to read all this stuff, to listen to lectures, go to seminars and stuff. But do
you really think that is going to do it for you? Bull shit!

Yes, I say bull shit!! YOU’ve got to do it for you. YOU are the ruler of your
freakin kingdom. Ever heard of free will? Do you know what it means? What,
do you think awakening is just going to come on you, one day? You’ll just be
sitting there, pleasantly, albeit obediently meditating, or something, and presto,
bango! And voila! She’s awake...and a choir of angels begin singing...

Please, please, do you see the bull shit of this? Look within, to your own vision
of awakening. Of what does it consist? Get out the shit scooper, and get to
work, my friends. We all have plenty of crap hidden within. Nor do I even
exclude myself, here. I do, too.

See, that is my journey. Though you may find words of wisdom do flow here, at
times, that doesn’t matter. Your inner Self matters. That’s all that matters.
You’ve got to be willing to screw up, to make mistakes, to not know what you’re
doing...and to go on, anyway.

My agreement with Spirit, with Source is that I’m willing to make an ass of
myself. Come on, you see me do it, regularly. Have you not heard me say that,
in all these journals, I am talking as much to myself as to anyone? I’m just as
full of crap as the next guy!

That’s why we endanger ourself when we sit at the feet of anyone. I don’t care
who it is, no one, past or present, has the market cornered on Truth, on Light,
on Love, on Wisdom... Do you see that these are the aspects of divinity? Of the
One God, Source, Prime Creator, the fuckin field...I don’t care what you call it.

Do you think Source cares? Get real, will ya?! How much real thought, really
deep pondering have you given to this? Forget the sacred scriptures, forget
every thing you ever knew, or you ever thought you knew for a moment, and just
go within. Get out of your head!

Now, just for a moment, let’s all drop the super arrogance, and accept that there
is something way bigger than us; something so way bigger we call it God. But
forget all the scriptural stuff. That’s just so much BS.

Now stop it! Some of you are scared shitless, here. Do center back down, and
consider. Is God such a small thing that He/She/It could possibly take offense
at His Son or Daughter, just trying to get things right? I mean, come on! Even
your Mom could understand that, right?
Let’s all agree to ditch this wrathful, vengeful, punishing, freaking
anthropomorphic God. Do you know what anthropomorphic means? It means
made in man’s image. It means we’re projecting on freaking God, for heaven’s
sake! See this! Let me shout at you a little bit, shake you up, and help you cut
through the crap and see this!

God isn’t jealous. God isn’t vengeful or wrathful. God doesn’t punish, for God’s
freakin sake! That’s all bull shit, and I don’t care a bit that it made its way into
some scriptures or other. I don’t care. It just doesn’t work for me.

Okay, back into heart with you. No, just shut up a minute, and get back down in
here with me.
Keep your angry thoughts to yourself. No, better yet, just leave the mind to think
them, and drop back down into heart.

Okay, now, where were we? As long as we have these BS definitions or images
of God, we’re going to screw up, man. That’s what happens. The scriptures
we’ve been given have been messed with; do you get that? There are powers
that be, running the show from behind the scenes, that want us kept in the dark.
Get that.

You can see this, but only if you let it in. Don’t be afraid. Remember, in the
heart, in Heart Space there IS no fear, so if you’re feeling it, you’ve left your
center. Yeah, you can ignore fear, just like you can ignore thoughts. The
bottom line with that is they’re both not real. That’s why you can leave them
behind, and just drop into heart.

Okay, I’ve gone long. Enough, for now. You’ve got plenty on your plate, so dig
in!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

11:31 am, 3/8 2nd - A NEAT TRIP - A BARN-BURNER

9:58 pm, 3/8 3rd - WHY LAUGHING BUDDHA LAUGHS

10:32 pm, 4th - POOR, DELUSIONAL MIND

~~~~~~~~~

TAGS
video journal, Mayan calendar, observing the self, disagree with myself, different
perspectives, strange sensation, don't journal from mind, heart space, silence or emptiness,
the willing fool, deconstruction of self, identified with things, 3D or dimensions, Reality and
Truth, go within, gurus and saviors, free will and choice, Inner or Higher Self, Source God or
Spirit, God isn't angry, forget scripture, fear or fright, anthropomorphic God, no judgment,
wrong images of God, no fear in heart, illusion or dream