2 January 2011

Thousands and thousands of Next door to Schmaltz’s

half price used books Sandwich Shop

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1412 North Valley Mills Drive
Waco, TX 76710

(254) 399-9452

Lee Morrow Editor-in-Chief

Blake Johnson Managing Editor
Andrew Chang-Gu Political Correspondent
Travis Morrow Sports Correspondent The Underground is a student publication that informs, entertains and provides a forum for student expression. It is no way

Cole Manning Feature Correspondent
affiliated with or sanctioned by Midway High School. Views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of the entire newspa-
per staff, the student body as a whole, administrators, or Midway ISD. This newspaper does not discriminate on the basis of
sex, disability, race, color, age or national orgin in its educational programs, activities or employment as required by Title IX,
Section 504 and Title VI. The Underground is free for all students, with production costs offset by advertisements. Ads are
available in business card, 1/4, 1/2 and full size page sizes. Call Lee Morrow at 254-666-0222 for more information.
 The Underground 3

Midway Could Care Less About N. Korea

Recent studies show that knowledge of the nuclear-armed hermit
kingdom is low in Midway High School, not that it matters

Andrew Chang-Gu the various misspell-

Political Correspondent ings of the term.
Overall, Midway
ranks North Korea
Gallop reports that as 13th in top threats to
of December 2010, 73% our country, behind
of the student popula- number 3, terrorists,
tion at Midway admits to and number 7, Bristol
“not having a clue” when Palin winning Ameri-
asked about North Ko- can Idol.
rea’s geographic location. The faculty at
Approximately 65% of Midway is neither
the students that claimed surprised nor con-
to know North Korea’s cerned with students’
lack of knowledge of Won is approximately 13 disregard for his nation,
North Korea. “Honestly, US dollars. he responded with abun-
the amount of food that “I used to make my dant displays of anger as
our students throw away students memorize all well as empty threats.
daily after lunch is prob- three nations of the Axis “We not tolerate the in-
ably more than that entire of Evil, but this year, sults of the West, includ-
country consumes in a I’m going to drop North ing High School [cough,
month,” said Principle Korea. I mean, who cares clears throat] in Midway!
Allen, “I don’t think they anymore?” said World The North Korean nation
are a threat to us today History teacher Mrs. Har- [more coughing] standing
nor do I think they will be rell. strong to deliver massive
location were later proved a cause for concern in the When bedridden North retribution!” raged Kim
to be lying when they future.” Korean dictator Kim Jon before succumbing to a
were asked to point to the Physics teacher and Il was asked to comment case of pertussis.
country on a map. amateur nuclear scientist on Midway’s apparent
Gallop’s results are Mr. Evans com-
strengthened by a related mented, “North
poll done by the Har- Korea spent 10
ris polling company in years and 3 trillion
November 2010. When North Korean Won
asked to name the number to build an atomic
one threat at America to- weapon, but their
day, only 8% of students first nuclear test
and faculty answered was still a failure.”
North Korea, including Note: 3 trillion
 4 January 2011
New MISD Admin Building Completed Despite Construc-
tion Site’s Former Use as Ancient Indian Burial Ground
for the to have the opportunity to said. “It’s nice to know
rapidly give respect to those who your place of business has
expand- came before us,” Assis- so much history behind
ing tant Superintendent it.”
school for Human Resources
district. Mary Lou Glaesmann
“The
realtor
gave us
a fantas-
Lee Morrow tic deal,” Superintendent
Editor in Chief Brad Lancaster said.
“Small details such as
One month after the former use and eternal
final brick had been laid, curses aren’t going to
the new Midway Inde- stop Midway.”
pendent School District As a tribute to the his-
administration building is toric nature of the loca-
ready for use. tion, a plaque has been
After finding the land erected memorializing the
at an extremely reduced last words of the Chero-
price due to its former kee chief Great Elk:
use as an ancient Indian Whosoever violates the
burial ground, the school resting site of my people
board went ahead with will, for all eternity, suffer
its plan to build a new a fate worse than death.
administration building “Midway is very glad

Before After

Dallas Fills Schedule Goodell Creates Detroit
with Midway Games Redemption Plan
In a press conference on
Tuesday, Dallas Cowboys
owner Jerry Jones an-
nounced that the Cowboys
would play an eight game
series with the Midway Pan-
thers for the 2011 season.
“This decision was made
in response to the recent
lack of wins,” Jones said.
“We in Dallas believe that
diversifying our schedule
may help solve that prob-
lem.”
This series will substitute
in for eight of the tougher
games on the Dallas sched-
ule. NFL Commissioner
Roger Goodell applauded
the decision.
“This is just the first step
in a plan to rebuild the fran-
chise,” Goodell said.
Jones said substituting in
MHS was not at all a tough
decision and that it was a
completely logical option.
“If a team is struggling
Sports
you make decisions that you
would not normally make.”
When asked for comment,
MHS Head Football Coach
Terry Gambill made clear
his surprise with the Cow-
boy’s decision.
“If they don’t want to
lose again why in the world
are they playing Midway?”
Gambill said. “We’ve done
better at Cowboy stadium
than they have.”
Jones also reportedly ap-
pealed to the NFL to fine
a reported 31 NFL teams
because they had “an unfair
advantage” over the Cow-
boys since their players
actually cared about some-
thing other than themselves.
Jones is daily sending in
appeals to the NFL to make
an exception of the Dallas
Cowboys in order to find a
way to reincarnate the once
great team.
5
NFL
Commis-
sioner Roger
Goodell
announced
Saturday his
solution to
the Detroit
Lion’s
shortage of
success.
“In re-
sponse to
the contin-
ued failure
of the De-
troit football
program, the
NFL board
has decided
to instate a
number of changes to cer- balance out the totals of all
tain NFL rules and regula- 32 teams and at the moment
tions,” Goodell said during this seems to be the only
Monday’s press conference. way.”
Next season Detroit’s sal- This did not appease all
ary cap will be deleted and the critics. In fact New
a harsher cap will be placed England Patriots’ coach Bill
on all other programs, and Belichick led a rally outside
all well preforming non-De- the commissioner’s office
troit players will be relocat- against the plan.
ed to the Lion’s roster. All “I believe that we should
empty slots in other team’s not be punished just because
rosters will subsequently be one team can’t win a game,”
filled with high school Divi- Belichick said.
sion 1A players and NFL Goodell says he under-
retirees. stands Belichick’s position
Critics of the plan say but is out of options.
that this may put an unfair “Until someone comes up
advantage on the side of with a better suggestion this
Detroit. is what’s going to happen.”
“I believe that this may
bring somewhat of an ad-
vantage to this football pro-
gram,” Goodell responded. Travis Morrow
“But the NFL is trying to Sports Editor
 Backspace 7
Cole Manning his way. We’d been
Feature Correspondent running from him for
too long; it was time
to head south to Can-
I was sitting there with ada. According to Mr.
a half empty bottle of Tinkles the only way to
Adventuretime and a travel was by flamingo.
mean mug from hell. To That was impossible
my left sat Mr. Tinkles, though because the last
my only companion in flamingo dealership
this world of cucumbers had closed in 1498 and
and closet beatings. He renting one was far too
had just purchased a new expensive.
salt shaker, and as he later I suggested the bus, but Mr. “Why do I hear Jefferson Air-
informed me he planned Tinkles harbored a strong fear of plane in my thigh?” I screamed. “Is
to distribute it among the the ax bandits and Rosa Parks that it too much to ask for a Jamaican
poor and fragile. seemed to populate the buses. Salad pie?”
I thought that was fan- Mr. Tinkles made it to the bus My pain transcended generations
tastic, but what I thought station before being gripped by and soon I was defending myself
was even more fantastic uncontrollable fear and fleeing against the bounty hunters who
was the path my feet into the woods. I followed him and were trying to take my freedom.
seemed to be walking. soon found him amongst a group of And then they were gone. I
One after another they Native American bears. The bears awoke at the foot of Mr. Tinkles
paced up the wall, as if were burning sage and passing a bed in a Montreal Motel 6. He in-
they were kicking around peace pipe. We naturally joined formed me that Dave would never
the ground of their home them, and soon my introspective find us here. If only bubbles were
town. Strange. thoughts took over my mouth. safe.
I turned my
attention to
Mr. Tinkles.
Despite his
Puerto Rican
flavor, he was
quite true to
his Asian cul-
ture. I combed
my eyes after
his silken fur
and black
talons. Losing
him would be
an inconve-
nience.
We had
heard on the
wind that
Dave was on