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Steven J.

3242 South Lexis Ave Milwaukee, WI 53208
H: (555) 782-4322


Polymer Research 2002-Present

General Manager Milwaukee, WI

Led [Comment 1] this research-oriented polymer start-up through the product development, production
design, and sales/marketing initiatives [Comment 2] of several patented products for footwear and medical

• Created and supervised [Comment 3] team including professional engineers and researchers.
[Comment 4]
• Developed C-Tech patent. [Comment 5]

• Established joint venture in Dominican Republic to integrate C-Tech into customer’s production line.
Multi-Sport Helmet 2002-Present
Technical Director Milwaukee, WI

Led [Comment 6] design, testing and production of multi-sport protective helmets for this start-up. Advised
[Comment 7] President on general management and assisted with marketing and sales efforts (Position
accounted for 25% of my time 2002-Present).

• Led [Comment 8] design team in 15-month design-to-production cycle of first product. [Comment 9]
Boston Marina 2000-2002
General Manager Milwaukee, WI

Led [Comment 10] management and organizational structure for newest and largest marina in Milwaukee
area. Concurrently directed completion of phase one construction. Managed [Comment 11] 500 boats .
[Comment 12]

• Led department managers and part time employees.[Comment 13]

• Maintained optimum occupancy while expanding capacity.[Comment 14]

• Led completion of construction including utilities, docks, buildings, and landscaping.

Boston Marina 1998-2000
Project Engineer Milwaukee, WI

Hired and supervised consulting engineers, architects, and contractors for phase one design and construction
of marina on undeveloped site. Guided by concept plan and owners, functioned as General Contractor.
[Comment 15]

• Directed construction of harbor, site, buildings, docks, utilities. [Comment 16]

• Personally designed and contracted fabrication and installation of floating breakwater. [Comment 17]
Mackin Company 1994-1997
Project Leader, R&D Technician Milwaukee, WI

Led several R&D projects for entrepreneur, from automotive to composite mountain bicycle.
• Designed valve cover/oil baffle that went into over 1 million Chrysler automobiles.
Cowell University 1991-1995
Bachelor of Arts in Sociology and Anthropology. Chicago, IL

• Graduated Cum Laude

• Captain of 4 intramural teams
• Trip leader for Outing Club

• Coursework outside of degree included: physics, calculus, computer science, economics. [Comment
1998 – Present Trustee, Milwaukee Heritage Association – Downtown Milwaukee community planning and
development organization.

Interests: Alternative power, sailing, power boating, skiing, snow boarding, camping, reading [Comment 19]

Client Name: Steven J. Lorrence Version: 1

Target School: MIT – Sloan

Structure / Content:

Overall, your resume is structurally sound and the roles you have presented align well with your desired
positioning of being seen as an innovator and as a general manager. This should fit it in well with your overall
application game plan. You did a decent job of showing some progression in your roles. This could be shown
further by including more quantitative measures. Comments addressing those specifics are addressed in the
next section and highlighted in your resume. You have selected an appropriate format, which allows you to
convey your marketing messages in an easy-to-read manner.

Couple small recommendations for improvement

1) Consider going up to 12 pt. font for your titles “Work Experience”, etc. This will simply help those titles
stand out a little bit more.

2) Similarly, you might want to place your company names in all capital letters

3) Finally, you should include a small space (perhaps 4 pt.) between your title / role and your overview
statement. As it stands right now, your overview statement “bleeds into the location of the position, which is a
bit disconcerting to the reader.”

4) Regarding your “Personal” section, I don’t think the list you have provided stands out enough. Having a
“Personal” section should help show that you have a are an interesting outside of your professional life. While
what you have is an interesting the presentation could be improved. I would recommend that you select two
or three of those interests and be more specific about what you like. I’ve included some more specific
comments on this in the resume.

5) Including selected coursework doesn’t really add much. I was intrigued that a person with sociology and
anthropology degree would select an engineering path, but the courses don’t necessarily answer that
question. I’m betting that there is an interesting story behind this that would serve as a great essay or would
go over well during an interview. I’d recommend removing it as well as the Outing Club trip lead if more space
becomes necessary.

Structure / Content Rating: 4 (out of 5)


The statements within the resume itself is what will require the most work. While you do a satisfactory job with
the overview statements, the specific bullet points are often too generic. We often speak to our clients about
employing the Situation – Actions – Results technique in writing essays. When feasible, you should
emphasize your actions and the results of those actions. The overview statements that you provide often lay
out the situation for the reader.

Within the attached resume, I have commented on a number of areas where your statements can be
improved by:

1) Explaining better what the situation was and the results of your actions

2) Including more quantitative measures to provide the reader an idea of size, scope and impact

Additionally, you should select a much broader set of action words to begin your statements. I counted that
you used “Led” seven times. This makes the resume relatively mundane. I have attached a list of 100 action
words and have highlighted a number of them that I thought might help you in “spicing” up your use of action
words. I have also included some comments on action word usage within the resume.

Statements Rating: 3 (out of 5)

Grammar / Style:

Stylistically you did well. There were a couple items that I noted and have called out directly in the resume.
You did have one small typo and you should use present tense if you are still currently doing the activities.
These are small touch ups and you will be in great shape after cleaning them up.

Grammar / Style Rating: (4 out of 5)

Reflection on Target School:

Your position should resonate well given Sloan’s emphasis on innovation. Keep in mind that Sloan is making
a strong push to emphasize leadership within its curriculum. Your resume demonstrates leadership attributes
and combining the two (innovation and leadership) within your application should optimize your chances of

Rating Descriptions
Category Rating Description
The resume aligns well with the desired positioning, the format is
appropriate, and order of the roles / positions make sense.
The resume does not align well with the desired positioning or
the format is inappropriate.
The resume demonstrates poor positioning, presents an
inappropriate format and the order of the roles / positions do not
make sense.

The statements use appropriate action words that are varied and
4-5 descriptive. The statements emphasize actions and results and
utilize numbers to make actions / results tangible.
Statements The action words used are not varied and quantitative measures,
highlighting tangible results are lacking.
The action words used are not compelling and the statements do
not tangibly highlight actions / results.
Grammar The resume has minimal grammar flaws, including syntax,
sentence structure and use of idioms.
The resume exhibits grammar flaws that should be addressed,
but do not affect “readability”.
1-2 The resume exhibits grammar flaws that detract from the resume
and do affect “readability”.