What is Forgiveness?

By Charles Stanley

Forgiveness is the act of setting someone free from an obligation to you that is a result of a
wrong done against you. For example, a debt is forgiven when you free your debtor of his
obligation to pay back what he owes you.

Forgiveness, then, involves three elements: injury, a debt resulting from the injury, and a
cancellation of the debt. All three elements are essential if forgiveness is to take place.
Before we look in more detail at this process, however, we need to trace the sequence of
events that lead to bondage when this process is abandoned. This is important because I
believe most people who suffer from an unforgiving spirit do not know that unforgiveness is
the root of their problem.

All they know is that they just “can’t stand” to be around certain people. They find
themselves wanting to strike out at people when certain subjects are discussed. They feel
uncomfortable around certain personality types. They lose their temper over little things.

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They constantly struggle with guilt over sins committed in the past. They can’t get away from
the ambivalence of hating the ones they know they should love the most. Such feelings and
behavior patterns often indicate that people have not come to grips with the forgiveness of
God and the implications of that forgiveness.

A person who has an unforgiving spirit is always the real loser, much more so than the one
against whom the grudge is held. This is easy to see when we take a closer look at the
things most people withhold from those they feel have wronged them. Unforgiveness, by
its very nature, prevents individuals from following through on many of the specifics of the
Christian life and practically necessitates that they walk by the flesh rather than by the Spirit.

Think about your own experience for a moment. Think back to the last time someone
really hurt you or wronged you or took something that belonged to you, whether it was a
possession or an opportunity.

Immediately following the incident, did you feel like running out and doing something kind for
the person, or did you feel like retaliating? Did you consider responding in gentleness, or did
you think about letting loose with some well-chosen words? Did you feel like giving in and
accepting the situation, or did you feel like fighting for your “rights?”

If you were honest, you probably identified more with the latter option in each case. These
are the normal responses to being hurt or taken advantage of. But think of these responses
in light of what Paul says, and you will begin to understand why an improper response to
injury automatically impairs a person’s walk with God.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.... If we live by the spirit, we
must also walk by the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23,25).

In a broad sense, Paul’s list here includes all the things we naturally want to hold hostage
from the people who have hurt us. We rarely want to give our love to individuals who have
hurt us. We certainly have no joy or peace when others have injured us in some way. We
are not generally patient with or kind to people who have wronged us.

Holding on to hurt is like grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail; you are going to be bitten. As the
poison of bitterness works its way through the many facets of your personality, death will
occur--death that is more far-reaching than your physical death, for it has the potential to
destroy those around you as well.

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Starting Over
By Todd Stiles

The scene is one of unbelievable embarrassment. No one is truly grasping the reality of the situation.
The tension is so thick you could cut it; and so sharp it could cut you. Eyes are constantly moving, one
quick glance after the next. Everyone is afraid to stare for fear the Master might affix His gaze upon
them and penetrate the windows to their soul with His fiery eyes. Slowly, but surely, the silence begins
to fade away and a prominent citizen takes the forefront. He appears to be very religious, quite pious.
No doubt political.

“Hey you, the one we call Jesus. We have here a woman caught in the very act of adultery.”

The crowd gathers in a circular pattern around a kneeling woman with little dignity and even fewer
clothes. They are eager with anticipation to see what the Savior will do with this hardened criminal.
The quietness is deafening; the intensity nerve-racking. Only an occasional snicker by an innocent
child breaks the air.

With calmness and collectiveness Jesus stoops to write upon the ground, an action which no doubt
took the majority by surprise. In doing so He brought Himself even closer to this woman of ill repute,
an even more stunning movement, for it was a movement of identification. Yes, by stooping and
writing in the dirt He not only silenced the hypocritical crowd who, with tiger-like hunger, were anxious

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to see this prostitute spiritually devoured in the holy wrath and judgment of God, but He also identified
Himself with the harlot, saying by His actions that He was not afraid to come down to her level.

But the hostile crowd was not satisfied; they wanted to see the Savior execute His judgment. And so
they tempted Him even more: Either obey the law and stone her, or break the law (and thus deny all of
His claims to be the fulfiller of the law) and let her go free and unscathed.

But our Savior wasn’t to be tricked or trapped. Once again, with steadiness and stillness, He wrote in
the dirt. What He wrote we do not know. Perhaps He exposed the private sins of those in the crowd;
maybe He opened up the past mistakes of the onlookers; by chance He might have made public
the hidden, evil secrets within the hearts of those wishing to condemn the sinful lady. But suddenly,
without much attention, the people begin to leave, one by one, until all were gone, save the Lord and
His lowly friend who is still crouched upon the ground amazed by the circumstances.

As she peers up through her fingers, expecting to find wrath and indignation, she encounters the
Savior’s lovely smile and inviting eyes. She is quickly filled with wonder, and questions flood her mind.
And as she waits apprehensively to see what the Lord of the Universe will say or do, He speaks.

“Where are your accusers?”

“Sir, I find none,” she responds, in a quivering tone.
“Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more!”

With joy and exuberation she leaps up from her kneeling position, thrilled to have a second chance
at freedom. Oh, what relief she experiences. What was sure to be an execution turned into a
celebration; what was planned as a trial was changed into triumph; what looked like a road to prison
became a path to freedom. The loving and compassionate Christ saw the need for a second chance,
the need to let her start all over. And with great love and mercy He forgave her and set her on a new
path with a new song headed for a new destination!

That’s what forgiveness is all about – starting over. When God forgives us, He forgets the sin and
wipes the slate clean. In His eyes we have a brand new start. Oh, we may suffer from life’s scars and
bruises. But we will never be bruised or cursed by a “divine grudge,” for God knows no such word.

In fact, we will find it hardest to forgive ourselves. Even when we know God has forgiven us and
forgotten the past, we often try to wallow in the pity of yesterday’s guilt, hoping somehow that our
remorse and regret will cause God to sit up and give us a little bit of “extra-forgiveness.”

But when grace is applied, it is applied in full – 100%. We need not beat ourselves over the head with
the ugly club of past sins; nor need we suffer from the guilt of previous sins which are now under the
blood of Christ. It is important we find within God’s favor and forgiveness that beloved second-chance,
the fresh start that so many of us crave after falling time after time. Only when we completely realize
the full extent of forgiveness can we truly enjoy the bountiful blessings that are ours today, blessings of
peace, happiness, joy and contentment.

To be forgiven is to be given a new chance, a fresh start, a clean slate. It is the opportunity of a
lifetime, the freedom for which so many of us long. Ready to start over? Not sure? Why not talk to
the woman who found out first-hand the joy of starting over, who found out what it honestly meant to
be at the brink of destruction and despair and be turned around to see hope, light and life. Truly she
was forgiven; truly she started over.
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Bitterness in the Home: One Man’s Story
By Charles Stanley

Bitterness often lies beneath our inability to forgive and be forgiven. It is a corrosive culprit
that denies our peace and destroys our relationships. The Bible cautions us about the root
of bitterness:

“See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing
up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (Hebrews 12:15).

According to this verse, bitterness causes one person trouble and defiles others.
Interestingly, the Greek word for defile (miaino) means “to stain” or “to dye.” Truly, the
bitterness we nourish will stain our relationships. This is one reason why there are so many
separations, divorces, and broken homes.

Not long ago I sat down with my two children, Andy and Becky, and asked if they had
resentful feelings toward me for any wrong I had perpetrated. At the time, they were both in

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their twenties, and so they felt freer to talk openly and honestly.

Andy was the first to respond. He recalled a time when he was thirteen or fourteen and was
practicing one part of a song. Over and over, the same melody. I asked him if that was all
he knew. Andy recalled that to his adolescent ears, my words sounded like I was saying, “I
don’t like you or your music.” That damaging impression caused him to decide not to play
any music for me again, even though he was a talented musician.

Becky had her memory, too. “When I was five years old, we lived in Miami. One day you put
me in my room and you wouldn’t let me out. I cried and cried, but you wouldn’t let me out.”

I asked their forgiveness on both matters, as well as on a few others. What I had quickly
said and done and just as quickly forgotten, Andy and Becky had not forgotten. I had gone
on for years without knowing that I had hurt them.

How many of us harbor those little things that caused us to feel rejected? How many of us
today are angry adults because we don’t feel loved? As we think of those who have hurt us
or wronged us, we need to deal with those feelings. Some things may have been said or
done long ago, so long ago that we don’t think we feel their sting any more, but our thoughts
are affected. An unforgiving spirit is a devastating emotion that none of us can afford.

Getting rid of bitterness is a step-by-step process that leads toward emotional liberation and
spiritual freedom. As you are reading this, the face of someone toward whom you feel bitter
has probably come to mind. Keep that person (or persons) in mind as you continue.

• Make a list of the ways in which that person has offended you.
• Make a list of your own faults.
• Make a list of things you have done for which God has forgiven you.
• Ask God to help you view that person who has wronged you as a tool in the
hand of God.
• Ask God to forgive you for your bitterness toward that person.
• Decide in your heart to assume total responsibility for your attitude.

If you feel it is appropriate, and will not cause more problems than it solves, go to that
person, confess your bitterness, and ask for forgiveness. Remember you are assuming the
responsibility for your attitude; you are not trying to solicit repentance. We have but two
choices. We can allow bitterness to destroy us, or we can allow God to develop us into the
persons He wants us to be. We must choose to view our circumstances and hurts as tools
to be used by God to further develop our spiritual lives.

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Transparency and Forgiveness
By Todd Stiles

She sat on one sofa, I on the other. Minutes turned into hours as neither of us said a word.
To be sure, I refused to say I was wrong. After all, it was her fault. Regardless of how long
it took, I determined to win this battle. Forgiveness just wasn’t in the picture.

Soon, however, the cold silence broke with questions about dinner, and before long we
began working through the disagreement. Still, I could sense something uneasy. Knowing
I needed to apologize to my wife, I swallowed my pride and admitted my failure. Without
delay she rushed to me, bursting into tears and apologizing. There we stood, weeping and
hugging as if reunited after a decade of absence.

What brought about the forgiveness which, at one point, seemed so far away? Our
transparency! That’s right – we made a commitment to “walk in the light.” The ability to
be open and honest with one another about our faults, weaknesses, and failures defines
“walking in the light” in I John l:7. And when we display that type of openness, it breeds it

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in others and enables those involved in strife and arguing to forgive and move on towards
a more healthy relationship (“we have fellowship with one another”). Yes, personal
transparency is like a powerful tool, deepening our relationships with one another. By
honestly sharing our struggles, we draw others to our side and send the clear signal that
forgiveness is accessible.

Whether it is to your boss or your neighbor, your spouse or your children, develop the ability
to say “I’m wrong” and “I’m sorry.” These words, seemingly small, can unleash the power
of forgiveness and bring together even the fiercest of enemies and bond more tightly the
greatest of lovers.