A Christian and Divorce

By Theo Logan

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and
shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth
commit adultery. (Matthew 19:9)

Though the words of Christ represent God’s ideal for His children, they give little counsel for those who
are grappling with the realities of divorce. For divorce is a reality. I cannot say that I have, over the past
seven years, thought about the implications of divorce for every situation but I have at least developed a
rational that has allowed me to accept its reality in my life.

Consider Moses’ words:

When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no
favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her
a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when
she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

(Deuteronomy 24:1,2)

Why did God allow divorce? He has allowed it for the same reason our governments allow it. Civil law
needs to take into consideration the capriciousness of human behaviour. If it does not, all kinds of
incivility will exist. Those who have unregenerate hearts, and are not guided by eternal considerations,
cannot be governed by moral law. The commandment against adultery is a moral law. Jesus says that,
“Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives.” (Matthew 19:8)
Those with ‘hardened hearts', if not allowed to divorce, will find other means to fulfil their desires that
would lead to even greater evils. This does not mean, however, that divorce is good; just that, it is better
than the alternative.

In Canada there is a blurring of the religious and civil ceremonies that also leads to confusion regarding
divorce. Many Christians consider that once the state has released them from their legal obligations to
their spouse that they are then free to remarry. Even though the state empowers religious figures with
civil duties regarding the marriage ceremony, the state does not recognise the religious aspect of the
marriage union. The state may free you from the civil obligation but because it holds no jurisdiction over
religious matters it can never free you from religious obligations.
A Christian and Divorce
By Theo Logan

Still, how does this help me to relate to the reality of divorce. First, I recognise that the marriage vows
that I made to God, and to my wife, represent my obligations and no one else’s. Neither the state or my
wife can free me from my vow, for it was made before God. Nor can I free my wife from the obligation
of her vow. Even if she commits adultery, I cannot free her from the vow which she has made. I can
forgive her but her decisions and actions are her own responsibility. Secondly, it allows me to act upon
the civil matter of divorce without transgressing my conscience. This was not clear to me at first. I
thought that to even allow the divorce was contrary to God’s law. I could not see how I could be
involved in any divorce proceedings, even as a defendant. Even though I apparently have moral grounds
for divorce, I am under no obligation to seek a divorce. As a Christian, I still seek reconciliation even
while participating in the divorce process.

I will develop this further. I realise that God’s Law, as presented in the ten commandments, is not an
arbitrary restriction imposed upon us to keep from us pleasure but rather a revelation of His character
of love. God’s Law is a transcript of His character but not man’s.

Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God,
neither indeed can be. (Romans 8:7)

As well, the meaning of the word love has also been weakened and perverted by the carnal mind. We
use this word to represent many things that are not true love at all. The apostle Paul gives a clear
definition of love as it is revealed in God’s Word.

Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not boast, is not puffed up;

does not behave disgracefully, does not seek its own, is not provoked to anger, thinks
no evil; does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
(1Corinthians 13:4-8:EMTV)

I cannot say that I have this type of love but it is the standard by which I measure my behaviour. It is the
basis of my decisions. When I measure my character by God’s, I fall far short but that does not mean
that I am to abandon God. For, love never fails. God has not abandoned me.
A Christian and Divorce
By Theo Logan

Thus, I am guided by these principles as I participate in the divorce process. I love my wife. I cannot
reject her even though she has rejected me. Just because I have not revealed God’s love perfectly does
not mean I should cease to follow it completely.

For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his
own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the
righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after
the Spirit. (Romans 8: 3, 4)

Even if Christ had not spoken so plainly regarding His attitude towards divorce, reason itself dictates that
remarriage after divorce is not the best option. Being in a position where there is no moral grounds
upon which I am forbidden to enter into a new marriage relationship with another partner (who has
either never been married or if divorced had biblical grounds), I still would not do so. I have given this
much thought.

Upon being separated, Pastors, friends and even causal acquaintances encouraged me to find someone
else and move on with my life. I was quite surprised at this and dismissed it out of hand. Until I was
confronted with the possibility, I never considered all the implications. An employee of mine who had
moved to Calgary because she had a crush on me (she is a Christian), came for a visit one day to discuss
whether or not I would remarry. She had begun dating a young man (with whom she is now happily
married) and wanted to know if I would ever be available before she proceeded further with the
relationship. Of course, I stated flatly that I would never be available. As I laid out for her my reasons, I
for the first time developed a rational for my conviction. I considered all those involved.

First, my wife: How would she feel? She may have rejected me at the present but for me to ‘move on’
could be perceived by her as a rejection. Of one thing she can be certain, I will always be there for her.
She may be angry now, but what if her feelings change and she regrets the choices she has made? I will
still need to be available if she needs me. My love for her, and my vows, were not based upon her
actions and feelings towards me but, rather, my actions and feelings towards her.

Secondly, how would my new partner be received by my children? The relationship would be unfair to
her. As well, I could not give her all my love because I still love my wife. I can hardly begin to describe
the complexity of the situation. There would be divided loyalties all around.
A Christian and Divorce
By Theo Logan

Thirdly, how would my children feel? Betrayed? Abandoned? I would not have the relationship that I
now have with my children, if I had sought another spouse. My children need me. They need the
security that my faithfulness to my wife gives them; especially my daughters. My example of patience is
a strong lesson that my children need to learn. My actions and choices impact my children in a powerful
way. I pray each day that I can be a Christian example and that they will see Christ in me.

.....and then there is the issue of how I would feel about myself. Self respect must be earned. This is, of
course, related to my beliefs upon the subject. How can I go against my beliefs. I could never abandon
my wife, or children or hurt another and feel good about what I have done. It is not about what other
people think of me. I do not merely want to appear good; I want to be good. As I have made a choice to
be faithful to God, to my wife to my children and to myself, I find great joy. I can accept what happens to
me. I can accept being alone for the rest of my life. The lessons I have learned through the years of
separation have been hard but I would not trade them for anything. I never want to go back to being the
person I once was. There is so much to look forward to. There is so much freedom in serving God.

And that is the point. God’s moral law is not a restriction but a revelation. God wants us to be
transformed into His image. That can only happen by a revelation of Jesus Christ. God gave us marriage
as a demonstration of the unity that He seeks to have with us. Christ died for His church, His bride.

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no
man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:12, 13)