There will be many people reading this book that will have many problems with what I have to
say. I will only remind you again that everything is in Scripture, and I do this only in the spirit of
bringing people together with Christ in a more fulfilling capability. With that being said, let me start by
saying that, without a proper prayer life, you will never be close to God. Talking with your Heavenly
Father is the same as talking with your earthly father would be. If you don’t communicate, nothing
gets done. People can live together in the same house for years, and never speak with each other.
They may speak at each other, but few conversations happen. Without communication, even acts of
There are many people who try to pray to God properly, but they just don’t know the most
effective way of doing so. Some of these people have been in church all their lives, and have been a
Christian at least half of that, if not more. They go to church to learn how to praise God and to learn
how to talk with God, and all they get instead is an assumption that they already know. After all, if
you’ve been a Christian for 20 years, you can’t possibly still be immature in your faith, can you? Of
course you can, and until people start realizing this, they will never grow in their faith.
There are people out there who will go to their deathbed a baby Christian, and their fellow
believers would never know it. They will be praised for their work in the church, their voice in the
choir, and their money in the offering plates. No one will realize that these people will die with an
immature knowledge of their Saviour. No one will see these people volunteering as a desperate
attempt to learn what it’s really all about. These people may have fire insurance, and we’ll see them in
Now for the good news: it’s never too late to grow in your relationship with Him. It is never too
late to learn how to please God, for He’s always trying to let you know. Sometimes our Father really
has to go to great lengths to get our attention, for we’re so busy with our lives that we don’t stop and
listen to Him as much as we should. It’s difficult to hear Him sometimes, I know. I know that from
personal experience. Thank God those days are over, and I really mean that. Praise God.
Talking with God can open up entirely new avenues to you that were previously unseen.
Talking with God can allow you to listen better, for no one really likes a one-way conversation. If you
get enough practice at listening for His responses, you begin to realize He’s speaking to us all the
time. That little bit of nagging in your subconscious that says not to take that drink isn’t your
conscience, it’s the Spirit of the Lord telling you this. For Christians, God is our conscience. For non-
Christians, God is still your conscience. It’s just a lot easier to ignore God if His Spirit isn’t inside you
The reason I called this chapter the most important one is because, without proper
communication with God, it can affect your faith, your willingness to follow His will, and your blessings
that He wants to give you. Every other part of your Christian walk stems from your relationship with
the Father. If you make little effort, in any relationship, it will start to suffer. If you make the effort, and
do it badly, your relationship will suffer. As in any relationship, you have to follow cues the other
Matthew 6 is a great starting point when talking about prayer. It has everything we need to
speak with God properly in it, and it is often a blind spot for most pastors. They will do sermons on it,
but it doesn’t reach their heart. The message in Matthew 6 gets lost within all the denials that any
God-fearing church member actually does any of these things. Unfortunately, this is a stumbling block
for any Christian who needs this message, which is every one of us. Every single Christian out there,
no matter the maturity level, needs to know how to speak with God.
Matthew 6 starts with a rebuke for those who make a mighty noise when giving alms. As was
told in the story of the widow’s mites, many of the Jewish leaders would come in and drop a great
amount of coins into the alms collection box. This would make lots of noise as coin after coin would
go in, and everyone would know that a great donation was made to help the poor. These richer Jews
would be lauded for their great generosity, which would inflate their egos as well. This caused Jesus
to say:
“Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them; otherwise ye have no reward of
“Therefore, when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in
the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, they have
their reward.
“But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
“That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee
I know, you might be thinking this has nothing to do with the subject, but it does, for in the next
few verses, Jesus said the same thing about prayer, and here’s where most people just kind of glaze
over it. The verses might be read in a lesson to never do that, but it’s always assumed that no one
“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the
synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you,
“But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy
Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
“But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard
“Be ye not therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye
These few verses here are probably the most deliberately overlooked ones in the Bible. After
all, a good Christian wouldn’t get up in front of people and say a long, well-scripted, flowery prayer
with impeccable English that sounds like they’ve rehearsed it ahead of time. They wouldn’t dare do
I’m not trying to attack the church’s right to determine order of service. I’m just trying to point
out something that is often missed when talking about prayer. When pastors and other Christians talk
about prayer, it’s always about what everyone else is doing that we shouldn’t be doing. It’s almost
never about what we’re doing that we shouldn’t be. After all, if you offend your congregation, they
stop coming to church whenever the doors are open. They stop coming, and the pastor can’t teach
I was attending a Wednesday night discipleship training class once, and the subject was
prayer. The usual teacher wasn’t there that night, but he had left a detailed lesson plan for someone
else to teach for him. It was very detailed, and it mentioned verses from both Old and New
Testament. It was a great Bible study, and I felt the Lord moving within me as I heard it. I had always
wondered why we pray out loud, and I had even read the verses in Matthew before that said we
shouldn’t, but I was always told by church elders that those verses weren’t talking about corporate
prayer. They always said corporate prayer was elsewhere in the Bible. In this Bible study, I
In every instance of someone praying aloud in the Bible, they are alone. It says the disciples
prayed together after Christ ascended, but it never said aloud. It would have been chaotic! Never in
the Bible does it say that one person got up, spoke a prayer, and everyone else said “Amen.” That is
the current form of corporate prayer in the church, and it is nowhere in the Bible. It is actually against
After the Bible study, I expected a change among the other members of the class. I expected
that they would take these verses to heart and change the way they speak to the Saviour. Instead, all
kinds of trouble erupted, admittedly by me. The teacher that night, a good friend of mine named Jeff,
called for a prayer circle, immediately ignoring what he had just taught against praying out loud. The
older gentleman who started the prayer said, and I quote,”Father, O Father, we thank You Father O
Father, for bringing us here Father. Father O Father we thank you for this lesson Father O Father…”
and so on and so forth. So much for keeping away from vain repetition, huh?
The prayer circle went around, and I didn’t pray out loud when it was my turn. I just let it go,
and after a few seconds Jeff ended the prayer. Everyone was all smiles, feeling good about
themselves for such a good prayer, and I almost didn’t say anything. The only problem with that was
God was telling me to say something. Practically shouting it at me, and this was after I had learned to
hear Him better. So, with a large, gut-wrenching fear in my belly, I said “Isn’t it interesting that we just
had a great study on prayer, and immediately forget what it said?” You could hear a pin drop for those
first few seconds. Then Jeff asked what I meant, so I told him. I went back over the verses we had
just finished with a few minutes before, and the room exploded. It was me against the room at that
point. My roommate at the time, who was there with me, sat silently, not knowing what to think. I think
if there had been a rope there, they would have wanted to re-enact how Judas left this world.
I asked them why they pray out loud, and one woman there said it makes her feel better to
actually hear someone mention her prayer request. That’s all well and good to make you feel better
about it, but Matthew quoted Jesus as saying out-loud prayers don’t get answered, for you have your
reward in the people hearing you. In other words, feeling better is about the only thing hearing
someone speak it will get you. I would rather have my prayers answered than feeling good about
We ended up sitting there another 45 minutes discussing the topic after class ended. I was told
I didn’t know what I was talking about, and I shouldn’t bother saying anything else because I was only
there to make trouble. Actually, the only reason I mentioned it is because God put it very heavily on
my heart and wouldn’t let it go. Over the years since then, I’ve realized that God wants me to spread
His message about this because He wants everyone to have the relationship we have. I’m not saying
it’s perfect, for I am truly not perfect. I do, however, speak and listen to God on a daily basis. I can
hear Him when He speaks, and I’m willing to follow His will. I’m not putting myself on a platform for
having the type of relationship that we’re supposed to have with Him. I just consider myself blessed
that He chose to put up with me for so long while I got my act together.
Prayer is essential to a growing relationship with the Father, and most people don’t do it
properly. It’s not really their fault. They’ve been taught badly in Sunday School and Worship Service
that prayer is mainly used when you want something from God. This lesson isn’t actually taught
verbally, but it is taught in practice. They forget the main reason we were created was to worship God
with a free will. Prayer is a major part of that. They stand before the congregation, behind the podium,
speaking into the microphone, and their minds are on what words to say next, not on praising the all-
mighty Father in Heaven. True praise comes from the heart, and doesn’t need a memorized text.
Praising God should be spoken impulsively, with the first words that come to mind, not minding how it
sounds to an audience over speakers, because that limits your personal praise and worship to God.
Aside from being against Bible precepts for speaking aloud, most people called to the front to
pray don’t even follow the Biblical model for prayer, also known as the Lord’s prayer. There are a lot
of people out there who seem to forget that this was Jesus answering the question of how to pray.
The repeat it verbotem (can you say vain repetition?), and it means little more than a symbol to them.
They say it because it identifies them as someone Holy in others’ eyes. It is a beautiful example of an
outline, and it is treated as if it’s a mantra to say whenever things are going bad.
“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.
“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
Every Christian knows these verses, but very few look at them. This is not a prayer; it is an
outline for a proper prayer. Jesus was not on His knees before heaven praying aloud. He was
teaching his followers how to conduct themselves before God. If they did not learn how to properly
speak with God, they would not get much out of their relationship with Him. If they did nothing but ask
the Creator for wants and needs whenever they spoke with Him, without repentance for past sins, it
would not go over as well. God is still our Father, and will fulfill our needs within His time frame, but
sin is a blot on our relationship. It creates distance from God, and forgiveness is the only thing that
can bring us together again. I will diagram a proper prayer for you using these verses.
“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.”
Matthew 6:9
The first thing Christ taught us was to start off by praising God, the Father. This is the correct,
not to mention right, thing to do when speaking with God. He created us all, and everything around
us. We need to constantly remind ourselves of that, and we can do that by praying properly. He
deserves to be praised every time we open our minds and hearts to Him, and He expects this from
us. This is our duty as Christians. This is the reason of our creation. If we do not praise Him, we’re
“Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven.” Matthew 6:10
We’ve got to pray in the will of God. We may pray that nothing bad happens to us, but if God
has a plan for you, there’s nothing we can say to change that. I believe God has a plan for everyone
He calls son or daughter, and it depends on us as to how we get there, but the end result will usually
be the same. Picture a fork in the road you’ve been traveling. Both roads stretch off into the distance,
and both look the same. You don’t know what’s at the end of either one. If you’re speaking with God,
He will tell you the best road to take. He will tell you the road with the least amount of misery on it,
because He loves you and does not want to see you suffer. If you choose not to follow His advice,
and take the opposing road, you may find yourself with a few more bruises and scratches when you
come to the end of it, which is the same place the easier road led. Alternately, you may come upon a
dead end taking the other road, and have to turn around to go forward. In the end, though, for all sons
and daughters of God, He crafts our journey. We may choose to take another route, but He will bring
Only at this point, after praising God, and praying through His will, should we ask for anything.
God knows our needs. He will provide us with the basic necessities of life, and we will never go
hungry if we are in His will. Those who do go hungry are similar to earthly children who are too
prideful to return to their father’s house. This works both spiritually and physically. Our Father’s house
in heaven will always be available to us to fulfill our spiritual needs, and He will see to our physical
needs as well, as any good Father would. You have to be His child for Him to be your Father, though.
Before we become Christians, we’re the same as the neighbor’s children. Sure, your neighbor will
watch over your children occasionally, but they’re not obligated to. God is not obligated to be provider
to anyone who is not His child. What He does provide when we are lost is strictly because of the love
James 4:2-3 says “… ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye
ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” In other words, the reason God doesn’t give you
everything you ask for is because you ask for the wrong reason, or have no need of it. Why should
He respond to a prayer to increase your income if He knows how you’re going to spend it? He knows
ahead of time if you’re going to take this extra money and give it to the church, gamble it away at the
boat, or buy an unneeded extra toy that you’ve been wanting. He already says He will provide our
needs, so asking Him for something other than what we need to live on needs to be for the right
Here is one of the most important parts of prayer that is skipped all too often. Repentance is
considered too personal to say out loud, and so when your deacon gets up in front of everyone, he
rarely asks forgiveness of sins in his speech –- I meant to say prayer. So not only is this prayer
against Bible teachings against praying for others to hear, but the outline isn’t even followed. I’m not
saying I’ve never heard a person speak a prayer and ask for forgiveness, but I am saying it is not a
frequent occurrence.
Without asking forgiveness for sins that keep us from God, how can we expect God to fulfill our
prayer requests? Would you loan someone five dollars if they’ve just slapped you in the face and said
nothing about it? This is no different than asking God to heal your sick mother when you haven’t
spoken to Him in fifteen years. Sure, He might do it out of His love for us, but if we don’t even bother
repenting of what we’ve done, why should He? He is not a genie of the lamp who says “Your wish is
my command,” and yet this is the way we treat Him more often than not. We forget our place all too
often, and let repentance fall by the wayside. After all, we don’t want to ask forgiveness in front of the
whole church. Then they might wonder what sins we’ve committed, hence the whole idea against
“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
Asking the Father for your growth as a Christian should always be in your prayers. Lead us not
into temptation is the same as asking for strength to withstand temptation. Everyone will be tempted.
Even Jesus Himself was tempted in the wilderness. It’s how you respond to the temptation that marks
you as a Christian. How you respond is your spiritual fruit that lets people know the type of person
you really are, because there is always someone watching. Deliver us from evil is letting God know
that it is only by His power we can withstand temptation to begin with. We are sinful by nature, and
sin calls to sin. We can’t help ourselves. How many times have you said that to someone? “I can’t
help myself.” It is a fundamental truth that we, pitiful people we are, even as Christians, can not help
ourselves. The only help we can give ourselves is to ask God for His help. That’s it. We have no
The end of the verse, and therefore outline for prayer, goes back to the beginning of the
prayer. You’re supposed to end on praising Him, just as you started your prayer praising Him. There
can never be enough praise of God. He expects us to do what we’re created to do. We need to start
and finish a prayer with praise because we tend to forget just how great God really is. Oh, we may
give lip service to Him plenty of times, but how long has it been since you’ve really been in awe of
God? Awe is something that is supposed to be for God, not for watching someone play sports. How
many have times have you heard the term “awesome?” It’s usually indicating a great play by a sports
team, or talking about an energy drink, but this word is something we need to associate with the
Without praying a proper prayer, how can we really expect God to respond to us? Do we really
expect God to just say, “Aw, shucks. It’s the thought that counts!”? This is the Creator God of the
universe, not some teacher grading on a curve. This truly is His world, and we’re just living in it. It’s
This is our Father, who loves us very much. He wants to talk with us. He wants us to be able to
hear Him, but we’re so caught up in our own lives that we don’t. We think about Him once or twice a
week for a few hours a day, and then we’re off to the buffet lines, glad to be rid of the itchy tie and
jacket we’re convinced into wearing to church. After all, we must look our best for God, right? I ask
this question though: If you must wear a suit or dress to praise God, why not wear one every hour of
the day? We’re supposed to pray without ceasing, and instead we convince ourselves that looking
which all other disciplines of Christianity are supposed to grow from. Without proper prayer, the rest
of the tree is weak, and subject to falling off occasionally. It’s only when we return to prayer, and
thereby the roots of our lives in God, that we can be closer to Him again.