MARRIAGE CONFERENCES

SSPX
Prepared by Fr. Todd Angele, 1992
According to Canon 1033 (new code 1063.no.2)
Expanded slightly by Fr. Kevin Robinson 2007
Used for many a successful marriage, in fact NOT ONE has
been known to divorce after receiving these instructions!
CONFERENCE THE FIRST-THE SACRAMENT

I. Nature:

A. Definition (classical definition from the old Roman law). The marital union of
man and woman contracted between two qualified persons which obliges them to live
together throughout life.

1. This kind of marriage between Christians causes grace.

2. The nature of the contract:

a. The contract must be mutual; that is, it must be made by each of the
contracting parties.

b. It regards the exclusive and perpetual right over the body of the other for
actions ordered to generation.

c. It is a sacred contract which comes from God-"they shall be two in one

flesh" (Gen. 2:24); "crescite et multiplicamini."

B. The Two Ends of Marriage:

I. The education of children.

N.B. Any marriage which positively excludes children from the beginning is null and
void.

2. The mutual help of the spouses.

N.B. More on these two points in the third conference.

C. The Ministers of the Sacrament:

1. The ministers of the sacrament are the contractants themselves. The priest is the
official witness of the Church and the conditio sine Qua non (except in certain
circumstances).

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2. The matter of the sacrament is the offering of the marital rights, the form is the
acceptance thereof.

D. The Fruitfulness of Matrimony:

1. To receive the sacrament of Matrimony worthily one must be in the state of grace.

2. In receiving this sacrament fruitfully one receives sanctifying grace and the
sacramental grace of marriage which is a special strength to help with the ends of
marriage:

a. Children;

b. Conjugal fidelity;

c. Chastity;

d. Indissolubility.

I I. The Properties of Matrimony:

A. The Unity of Marriage --The matrimonial bond is exclusive, and hence opposed
to the following:

I. Simultaneous polyandry--i.e. one woman having more than one husband.

Historically this is very rare.

a. Polyandry of this nature is contrary to Scripture and the Natural Law, for the
primary purpose of marriage is generation, and simultaneous polyandry is not
more conducive to generation.

b. For a woman to live habitually with more than one man leads to sterility, as
is shown in the case of many women of ill repute.

c. If a woman living in this state does conceive, the paternity is doubtful.

2. Simultaneous polygamy--i.e. one man having more than one wife.

Historically this is not rare.

a. Simultaneous polygamy is against the original institution of marriage in the

Garden of Eden, but was permitted to the Patriarchs. Cf. "A man shall cleave
to his wife." "They shall be two in one flesh."

b. This lifestyle was able to have been permitted because it is not opposed to
the primary end of matrimony--generation.

c. From the time of the New Law simultaneous polygamy is not lawful.

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B. The Indissolubility of Marriage--opposed to divorce which is of two kinds:

1. Perfect divorce-Separation with the right to "re"-marry.

a. Divorce fights against the two ends of marriage; to wit, the procreation and
education of children, and fidelity.

b. No human authority can dissolve the marriage bond.

2. Imperfect divorce--The obligation of cohabitation includes common roof and

common bed. (N.B. Common bed is not necessarily to be taken literally. It refers to
marital relations). This is an obligation in justice arising from the marriage contract.
The wife is bound to follow the husband who reasonably changes domicile, unless
grave harm would arise for the wife or children.

Imperfect divorce is allowed for grave reasons:

a. Carnal or spiritual adultery;

b. Criminal or ignominious life;

c. Grave danger to body or soul of spouse or children;

d. Mutual consent:

1) Temporary separation quoad habitationem can be done for a

proportionate reason; e.g. business.

2) Perpetual or temporary separation quoad torum can be done for a

good reason. The spouses must freely agree and be able to do it.

III. The Goods of Matrimony:

A. Bonum Prolis-The Good of Children:

1. Marriage would be null, if the generation of children were excluded from the
beginning.

2. The care of children:

a. With regard to the body--parents must avoid anything that could harm the
child. E.g. Be careful of sleeping with the child due to the possibility of
overlaying the child and thereby suffocating him.

b. With regard to the soul--the child should be baptized as soon as possible;

i.e. not more than a month after birth.

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 N.B. At this point the priest should make sure the couple knows how to
baptize.]

B. Bonum Fidei--The Good of Marital Fidelity:

1. This good of matrimony includes marital fidelity and conjugal charity for the
perfecting of each other.

2. The right of a husband to marital relations with his wife, and vice versa is
inalienable, and therefore, the one spouse cannot give rights to the other to indulge in
marital relations with a third party.

C. Bonum Sacramenti -The Good of the Sacrament:

1. This is the sacred symbolism of the indissoluble bond symbolizing the unity of
Christ and the Church. The married couple should strive to imitate this bond.

2. The office of the husband is to remember that his wife is a companion St.
Augustine said that the woman was not taken from Adam's skull, in order to show that
she is not the head of the man; she was not taken from his heel, in order to show that
she is not his foot stool; she was rather taken from his rib, his side, in order to show
that she is his companion.

3. The office of the wife is submission. This is a role; it does not imply inferiority,
Just as a body must have a heart submissive to a brain, both are essential organ with
radically different roles, needed for the common good.

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 CONFERENCE THE SECOND-ON THE USE OF MARRIAGE

I. The Lawfulness of the use of Marriage:

A. Marital intercourse is lawful within marriage for the procreation of children

or for other honourable reasons. Such reasons are as follows:

1. Promotion of mutual love and harmony;

2. Avoidance of incontinence in oneself or consort;

3. Restoration of peace, etc.

N.B. Marital relations remain lawful even if it is certain that no offspring is possible
(e.g. as in the case of aged or sterile people). The reason is that in such cases, even
though offspring cannot be had due to some indisposition on the part of either party,
the act of marriage itself is none-the-less normal to the human eye.

B. Marital Intercourse Is Unlawful:

1. If it impedes procreation. Hence, no attitude or position which does not prevent

conception is gravely sinful. If generation is thereby made more difficult, such a
position would be a venial sin, if there \{ere no sufficient reason to justify it.

2. If it were injurious to health:

a. Marital intercourse is seriously sinful if it constitutes a proximate danger of

death.

b. A grave reason is required to make it lawful when it results in great harm or

remote danger of death. Eg. Such a reason would be the preservation of
marital fidelity on the part of the one spouse during the prolonged illness of
the other, or the preservation of domestic peace. In such circumstances there is
no obligation to render the marriage debt even though the other party may
request it.

c. Marital intercourse is generally considered sinful within the last month or so

of pregnancy due to the danger which may be present to the fetus. A physician
may be consulted on this point.

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 d. Intercourse is generally forbidden under grave sin within two weeks after
childbirth, and under venial sin for the following few weeks.

e. It is lawful, however, while the mother is nursing, and during pregnancy

unless there is danger of an abortion.

3. If it is spiritually harmful:
a. Marital intercourse is gravely sinful in the presence of others, due to the
occasion of sin it presents to them. NB: Beware that your living arrangements
are adequate in this regard: thick walls or totally separate bedroom areas for
parents and children; locks on parents’ bedroom door, care with noises made
when others are around.

b. If someone unexpectedly appears, intercourse should be interrupted, even

though pollution would certainly follow. One may not consent to the pollution
should it happen to follow.

C. Sacred Times:

I. Marital relations are lawful at any time, although during seasons of penance
temperance is advisable.

2. It is also lawful the night before going to Holy Communion.

It is laudable for those who communicate rarely to abstain the night before', when
requested by the other party, however, it is a duty to render the marriage debt.

3. Wives must be careful about rendering this debt grudgingly.

II. Imperfect Acts that are sexually stimulating are lawful or forbidden according to
the following rules:

A. They are always lawful in connection with the marriage act, whether as
preparatory thereto or as a completion thereof.

This pertains to looks, kisses, and touches.

Wives who do not procure complete satisfaction may procure it by touches performed
by herself or by her husband immediately before or immediately after coition. This
may be done only in immediate conjunction with marital relations.

3. The same may not be said of the husband should the wife withdraw, as the seed
would then be wasted. (cf; Onan in Genesis 38:10 “God slew him because he did a
detestable thing”)

B. Regarding actions committed apart from the marriage act:

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1. Mutual acts that are sexually stimulating are lawful when done with a just cause
(e.g., as a sign of affection) if there is no danger of pollution.

2. Solitary acts which are sexually exciting are mortal sins, if by their nature they
greatly influence pollution or if done with the intention of procuring pollution.

3. Morose delectation (excluding danger of pollution) is either no sin, a venial sin, or

a mortal sin for married people according as that in which they take pleasure is lawful
or prohibited to them under venial or mortal sin.

III. The Obligation of the Marriage Act:

A. Rendering the marriage debt is of grave obligation, especially if the petitioner is

in danger of incontinence or would have to make great sacrifices to overcome
temptation.

1. The husband usually petitions directly, whereas the wife often does so implicitly, by
signs of affection.

2. Refusal could be a venial sin (provided there is no danger of incontinence), if the

petitioner will readily renounce his right, if rendering it is only briefly postponed, or if
use is frequent and refusal rare, e.g., once a month.

B. Excuses from rendering the marriage debt are as follows:

I. Adultery on the part of one's consort. The adultery must be certain and
committed with knowledge and consent. Thus no excuse arises if one's partner
has been raped; or if the crime has been pardoned, e.g., by voluntarily
rendering the debt in spite of knowledge of the adultery.

2. Non-support of wife and children. If the husband squanders his income and
compels his wife to provide for their livelihood, she need not render the
marriage debt. If, however, the family must live in poverty through no fault of
the husband, there is no reason for refusing the debt.

3. Lack of use of reason on the part of the petitioner, e.g., the insane or
completely intoxicated.

4. Unreasonable demand. This is principally the case when one requires the
use of marriage so frequently that the constitution of the other suffers greatly.

5. Great danger to health or life. E.g., gravely infectious diseases, very weak
heart, etc. Ordinary hardships of pregnancy are not a sufficient cause. Nor is
the fear of miscarriage or stillbirth which the wife knows from experience will
occur after pregnancy.

IV. Sins of Married People:

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A. Any action wherein seminal fluid is purposely wasted is gravely sinful.

B. Contraception can be practiced in various ways:

1. Naturally--after intercourse is begun the husband withdraws and thus wastes

the seed. Husband and wife commit a grave sin in consenting to onanism.

2. Artificially:
a. Mechanically--by use of a device to prevent insemination.

b. Chemically--by use of drugs to hinder semination or abort the fetus

once conceived.

c. The woman sins gravely in expelling seminal fluid or preventing it

to enter the uterus.

d. The above constitute mortal sins.

3. Rhythm can be allowed under the conditions given by Pope Pius XII, which
are three in number:
a. Both parties must be willing to practice the temporary abstinence
required.

b. Both parties must be able to do it.

c. There must be a sufficient reason: (gravity of reasons must be

relative to the number of children already had, and the length of time
on periodic abstinence.)

I) Social reason. E.g. need for mother to work, poor housing,

to prevent sins of onanism…

2) Health reason. E.g.; serious weakness, danger of death…

3) Economic reason. E.g.; great poverty….

4) Eugenic reason, e.g., to avoid miscarriages, mental

retardation, and the like, esp. for over 40’s

“It is common teaching that this practice of family limitation without sufficient and
good reason involves a degree of moral fault. This fault certainly could be mortal sin
if serious injustice were done, or there exists grave danger of incontinence, divorce,
serious family discord, etc.” Nicholas Halligan O.P. 1962 THE ADMINISTRATION
OF THE SACRAMENTS (strongly recommended book for all priests)

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 CONFERENCE THE THIRD-
ON THE MORAL DUTIES OF THE SPOUSES

I. Mutual Duties of the Spouses:

A. Mutual Love:
1. The spouses must endeavour to maintain for each other the most ardent and
sincere love. This love must be a true love as the love of Christ for His
Church.

2. Marriage is full of trials. Things will not always be easy.

Each spouse must strive, in a spirit of true love, to consider the needs of the
other spouse. Each spouse must give one hundred percent. In marriage fifty
percent from one spouse and fifty percent from the other does not equal one
hundred percent; it equals divorce. If, however, each spouse gives his all, the
marriage will be happy--not without difficulties--but happy. All of the
difficulties of married life can be overcome with God's grace. The spouses will
receive special graces to overcome problems in view of the sacramental grace
of Matrimony.

3. Spouses can do a lot to preserve their love for one another by continuing to
do the things they enjoy doing together after they are married. So many
couples do things together before marriage and then cease to do these things
after marriage. This is a sad thing. The spouses must not allow the routine of
married life to destroy the fostering of mutual affection.

4. Be honest with your spouse but do not reveal details of any past
relationship. This policy will go along way in the prevention of bitterness and
resentment which can build up. Bear in mind the story of a particular
newlywed couple and the loaf of bread. The husband preferred the soft part of
the bread, and so he always left this to his wife. Now, his wife preferred the
crust of the bread, and so she always left this part to her husband, claiming to
prefer the soft part.
Twenty years later, in the course of conversation, each discovered the other's
real preference. So we see that in being honest with each other, they would
have been far better able to consider and look after the interests of the other.
Always strive to have honesty in your marriage.

B. The spouses must help each other to preserve chastity. This is one of the main
reasons for the gravity of the obligation of both spouses to render the marriage debt
upon request.

C. The spouses must assist each other in their sanctification.

D. Regarding the Children:

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1. Each spouse must be concerned with the procreation of children. This will naturally
imply certain inconveniences to the spouses, but procreation is the first end of
marriage.

2. As noted in the first conference, the spouses are gravely bound to provide baptism
for their children as soon as possible; i.e. not to be delayed longer than a month after
birth

3. The Education of Children:

a. It is not sufficient to simply have children and baptize them.

Parents are the primary educators of their children, and as such must look after their
education. It is not adequate to wait until it is too late and then blame the public
education system. People are very well aware of the many dangers that often arise
from public education, and must therefore take the necessary precautions to protect
their children.

b. The education of children must start at an early age. "He that loveth his son
correcteth him betimes (i.e. from an early age)." (Prov. 13:24). That which enters with
the mother's milk leaves only with death. It is related in the life of the Cure of Ars that
when .he was a baby his mother used to always take his little hand in hers and make
the Sign of the Cross before feeding him. One day she was in a hurry and forgot to
carry out the little ritual. Her son refused to eat. She remembered her neglect, and
made the Sign of the Cross with his hand. He then ate peacefully.

c. Parents must instruct their children in the Faith. This is not simply the mother's
duty. The father must also take an active interest in his children's education. The place
to begin educating the young ones is with good example. Children learn from
imitating others, and so the example of the parents is of paramount importance.

d. Parents must correct their children when they see them doing wrong. The modern
mentality that children ought not to be disciplined is manifestly false. Sacred
Scripture very clearly indicates the will of God in this matter:

I) "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, and the rod of correction shall
drive it away." (Prov.22:15).

2) "A horse not broken becometh stubborn, and a child left to himself will
become headstrong." (Ecclus.30:8).

3) Let parents not excuse the bad by calling it "cute". This is a cop-out used by
many modern day parents, but it does responsibilities. Remember that a cute
child is a well-behaved child, and--as one children can even wear down the
patience of a loving grandmother.

e. As children learn from watching others, parents must strive to eliminate any bad
influences from the home.

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I) Bad companions have caused the downfall of many a youth. St. John Bosco was
very strong on this point. Let parents be equally strong in keeping their children from
bad company.

2) Television is a foul seduction which frequently finds its way into our homes. ~1any
parents feel they are doing well in not allowing their children to watch television, but
if they allow\y them to watch videos indiscriminately, they are wasting their time. For,
as bad as television is, worse things can be seen on video.

3) Rock music is a very powerful means used in the corruption of youth. Parents must
use every effort to exclude this bad influence from the home.

4) Catholic Schooling is critical. Home-schooling is a lesser option even when it can

be done with adequate academic success. Older children must be given kindly and
sufficient sex instruction as soon as they begin to explore or question this area of life.

N.B. At this point the priest may wish to recommend to the couple the Handbook for
Parents of the Rev. Fr. Paul Wickens. And his newer (TAN) book on Marriage.

II. The Duties of the Husband:

A. The husband must treat his wife with the utmost respect and consideration. He
must show his wife that he loves her. He must not raise his hand against her, for such
would be a tremendous diminution of his manhood and dignity. He must show his
love and control his anger, trying not to raise his voice.

B. He must direct and govern his family with love. The man is the head of the family
as Christ is the head of the Church.

C. He must work, in order to provide for his family and give them substance on which
to live.

III. The Duties of the Wife:

A. The wife must obey her husband--not as a slave, but as a queen following the
continuity of the king.

B. The woman must-in as much as it is possible-be in the home to care for it and for
the children who shall be her salvation.

C. Let the wife support her husband, and let both spouses refrain from all criticism of
each other in the presence of the children.

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