Effective

Communication
Skills
 Effective Communication Skills

Contents
The Communication Cycle 2
The three Vs of communication 3
Effective communication across cultures 4
Understanding assertion, aggression & non-assertion 8
Assertive situations 9
Assertive rights and responsibilities 10
Wimp talk and power talk exercises 11
Create verbal impact using power talk 13
The Three Fs of assertiveness 14
Listening skills 15

The Communication Cycle

We don’t always communicate what we intend as clearly as we might.
Things often go wrong, and misunderstandings occur. What the sender
of the message meant to say is not what the receiver of the message

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hears – or, in the case of emails and other business writing, reads.
Misunderstandings can happen for a number of reasons:

• The message was not clearly and accurately expressed

• The receiver did not read/listen carefully
• The sender made assumptions when communicating
• The receiver made assumptions on reading/listening
• The message was send at wrong time/to the wrong person
• The wrong communication method was used
• The receiver pre-judged the message/had a closed mind
• The message was too long/over-complex
• There were cultural differences between the sender and receiver

SENDER
SENDS

(ENCODES)

SENDER RECEIVER

The three Vs of communication

RECEIVER
There are three primary channels of communication, and
they all need to be used effectively
RESPONDSif you are to get your
message across successfully

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Visual
• Posture and bearing
• Body language
• Gestures
• Facial expression
• Appearance, dress etc

Vocal
• Volume
• Pace/speed
• Rhythm
• Pitch
• Tone
• Pausing
• Projection

Verbal
• What you actually say – words, expressions
• The structure of your sentences

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Effective communication across

cultures

Stage 1
1 Define the situation in terms of your own cultural traits, customs,
or values.

2 Define the situation in terms of the host culture's traits, customs,

or values.

3 Isolate the self-reference criterion influence in the situation and

examine it carefully to see how it is influencing your view of the
situation.

4 Redefine the situation, but this time without the self-reference

criterion influence and act in a way that benefits all.

Stage 2
1 Develop your observation skills – notice how people from other
cultures communicate. Build rapport by mirroring the behaviours.

2 Appreciate differences – be prepared to set aside your usual way

of saying and doing things – in some countries people interrupt and
talk over each other to indicate their participation, in other
countries, only one person would talk.

3 Respect the individual – think of the person you are interacting

with as an individual, not just a representative of his or her country.
Build the relationship on respect. Be curious and adaptable.

4 Patience – There may be difficulties in understanding different

communication styles. Persevere, ask questions if you don’t
understand. Take time to actively learn about the different styles.

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5 Listen – to what is said and to the way the information is

communicated. Northern Europeans communicate with salient facts,
Italians connect through sharing emotions, Japanese communicate
by seeking harmony, Indians communicate by asking about family
relationships.

6 Understand differences in time keeping, - some countries are

strict about punctuality – eg Switzerland, other countries are more
flexible. Adapt your timekeeping to the country’s cultural norm.
Stage 3
1 Speak slowly and clearly
Focus on clearly enunciating and slowing down your speech. Even if
you’re pressured for time, don’t rush through your communication.
Doing so often takes more time, as miscommunication and
misunderstanding can result and you’ll ultimately have to invest
additional time in clearing up the confusion.

2 Ask for clarification

If you are not 100% sure you’ve understood what others say, politely
ask for clarification. Avoid assuming you’ve understood what’s been
said. A good approach is to adopt an attitude of wanting to learn
about another person's cultural expectations, and to ask. You may
be used to making decisions unilaterally, whereas they may make
decisions only through approval of a committee. The question to ask
yourself is, "What will get the result I want?" Be pragmatic and do
what works.

3 Frequently check for understanding

Check both that you’ve understood what’s been said and that others
have fully understood you. Practise reflective listening to check your
own understanding (eg 'So what I hear you saying is…') and use
open-ended questions to check other people’s understanding. Ask,
'what's your understanding of this process?' instead of 'is that clear?'

4 Avoid idioms

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Business language is often contextual, and therefore culture

specific. For example, in the US, baseball terms are used
extensively: ‘Straight off the Bat,’ ‘Ballpark figures,’ ‘Out in left
field,’ ‘Touch base,’ ‘Strike a deal’. As a good general rule, if the
phrase requires knowledge of other information—be it a game or
metaphor—recognise that this may make your communication more
difficult to be understood.

5 Be careful of jargon
Watch the use of TLAs (Three Letter Abbreviations) and other
organisational language that may not be understood by others. If
you use them, provide in parentheses a description of what these
are so others can learn to use the same language you do.

6 Define the basics of business

In international business contexts terms such as: ‘success’,
‘doneness’, ‘meetings’, ‘punctuality’, etc. may mean different things
to different people. Spend time early in your communication defining
what these mean to you and others. Invest in building a shared
vocabulary.

7 Be specific
Spell out your expectations and deadlines clearly. Instead of, ‘Please
get back to me shortly,’ say ‘Please email the completed report by 5
pm Eastern Standard time on Wednesday, February 21.’

8 Choose your medium of communication effectively – Consider

alternatives
Carefully choose your form of communication (phone or video
conference, email, instant message, etc.). Be mindful not to
‘overuse’ email. While useful, there are times when the medium is
likely to be ineffective. When a message is complex and complicated
or there is tension or conflict that needs to be resolved, switch to
another medium. For example, it may be your style to settle things
over the telephone, but the other person may be used to agreeing
things in writing.

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9 Provide information via multiple channels

Follow phone calls with emails that summarise what’s been said.
When possible, provide presentations, agendas, etc. in advance so
those working in their non-native language can get familiar with
materials.

10 Be patient
Cross-cultural communication takes more time. If not at all times,
certainly initially you cannot expect your communication to occur
with the same speed and ease as when you are communicating with
someone from your own culture.
First impressions linger forever. A person whose first language is not
the same as yours may have difficulty in understanding what you
are saying, and that may make them seem slow. The way you
handle that will colour your relationship for all time. Remember that
everyone has something to offer, and those from a different culture
can help you to refine your communication skills.

11 Respect individual
If your objective is to connect with the other person and
communicate well, acknowledge the person is an individual not just
a representative of the company or the country. The key word is
Respect. Build a relationship based on that.

12 Non-verbal cues
Each nation has its own communication style. The British consider it
impolite to interrupt, while the Latinos interrupt all the time. Notice
how a person from India says 'Yes' - they find it hard to say 'No' and
will often say 'Yes' even when it is hard for them to deliver. Avoid
eye contact in the Far East, and do not reach out to help an Arab
lady out of the car.

13 'Face'
This is one of the least understood concepts. In simple terms, you
should always avoid making the other person feel uncomfortable,

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especially in front of others. Causing someone to lose face is the

ultimate insult.

14 Listen
Hearing is not the same as listening. You need to listen, not only for
what is being said, but also for what lies behind what is being said.
Some cultures (eg northern European) communicate the salient
facts. Others (eg Italian) value the process of communication more
as a means of connecting the emotions, confirming status and
reinforcing relationships. Others (eg Japanese) seek to promote
harmony. What can you hear?

Understanding assertion, aggression &

non-assertion
The descriptions below clarify each type of behaviour.
Being clear about the differences between assertion,
aggression and non-assertion is the first step to choosing
assertion more often

Assertion
• Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you don’t
violate another person’s rights.
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in
direct, honest and appropriate ways.
• Exercising choice.

Aggression
• Standing up for your rights, but doing so in such a way that you
violate the rights of other people.
• Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings and
beliefs of others.

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• Expressing your own needs, wants and opinions (which may be

honest or dishonest) in inappropriate ways.

Non-assertion
• Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in such a way that
others can easily disregard them.
• Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in
apologetic, diffident or self-effacing ways.
• Failing to express honestly your needs, wants, opinions, feelings
and beliefs.

Assertive situations
How to be assertive in a range of common business
contexts
Making requests
Make requests in an open and straightforward way rather than trying to
make it difficult for the other person to refuse. Don’t apologise (eg “I’m
sorry to trouble you…”). Be direct and brief (eg “I’d like the report by the
end of the week”) Give a reason for your request but don’t use flattery or
play on their good nature. Respect their right to say no and don’t take a
refusal personally.

Refusing requests
Keep your reply brief, but not abrupt, rather than a long rambling
explanation. Use a warm voice tone. Acknowledge the person who has
made the request and give the real reason for saying ‘no’. Ask for more
time or greater clarity about their request (eg “Do you need it by the end
of the week?”) If they persist in requesting repeat your refusal.

Following up on assertive requests

When you have made a request and not received a satisfactory
response, simply ask again – this time emphasising any urgency and

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with a slightly firmer tone (eg “I need to have these figures with the
board by Friday.”

Disagreeing and stating your views

State the reasons why you disagree clearly and express any doubts you
have in a constructive way (eg “I see your difficulty …. Can we get round
it?”) Recognise and acknowledge the other person’s view and state
which parts you agree with.

Giving negative feedback

Be honest, objective and sensitive. It’s about the behaviour not the
person. As with giving praise, maintain eye contact and make it specific,
clear and brief (eg “I think you will chair the team meeting more
effectively if you keep to time”).

Giving bad news

Many people feel uncomfortable delivering bad news. Take the initiative
and state what has happened clearly. Explain the actions, if any, you
propose to take. Keep it brief and factual. Be confident and direct in
what you say.

Assertive rights and responsibilities

Each of us has the right to be treated with respect and on
an equal basis with everyone else – no matter what our
status is within an organisation. In turn, we have a
responsibility to reciprocate and treat others as we would
wish to be treated

Rights Responsibilities

To be treated as an intelligent, To treat others as intelligent, capable

capable and equal human being and equal human beings
To state my own needs and ask for To allow others to express their

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what I want needs and ask for what they want

To express my needs, feelings and
opinions
To set my own priorities in personal
matters
To change my mind without always
offering excuses or reasons
To choose not to accept
responsibility for others, their
feelings and problems
To say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t
understand’
To ask for more time or more
information
To say yes or no without feeling
excessively guilty
To choose not to assert myself at
times
To make mistakes
To allow others to express their
needs, feelings and opinions
To allow others to set their own
priorities in personal matters
To allow others to change their minds
To take responsibility for myself and
to encourage others to do the same
To listen when others say they don’t
understand or don’t have all the
answers
To listen when others ask for more
time or more information
To learn to take responsibility for the
consequences of my actions
To accept that I am unlikely to have
my wants and needs met at such
times. To recognise how difficult
others may find it to be assertive
with me.
To learn from them

Wimp talk and power talk exercises

Wimp Talk is weak, wishy-washy and lacks impact. Power Talk
is short, specific, clear, direct and makes a positive impact.
Rewrite the following ‘Wimp’ statements so they have more
impact and power

1 Sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy, but I’d like to

arrange a meeting some time soon if that’s okay with you.

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2 I’ve worked quite hard on my presentation and it’s not too

bad.

3 We normally charge $300 per unit – is that too much for you?

4 I think this is likely to be the right course of action.

5 The report will be with you on Friday, all being well, I’m
waiting for something from Sarah in accounts, and I have
chased her, and she said I’ll have it tomorrow, though I’m
not confident, and I’ve got to call Peter for an update…..

6 I wanted to ask you if you would consider working on this

assignment with me.

7 Is there any chance you could let me have those figures

when you get a minute?

8 I guess I could be wrong but I’m not sure what you’re saying
is true.

9 I don’t suppose you’ll like this proposal but perhaps you

would be willing to take a quick look at it.

10 Many companies are doing podcasts these days, and we

might get left behind, so I’m wondering if we should consider
doing some.

11 I hope I’ll be able to persuade you – I’ll try my best – but I’m
not always good at putting my views across.

12 I was sort of thinking it would be helpful if you could maybe

stay late tonight – but if you don’t have time, or have a
commitment, that’s okay.

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Create verbal impact using power talk

Poor language weakens the impression others have of you

Power Talk Wimp Talk

Direct Indirect

Solutions Problems

Positive Negative

Present tense Past tense

Opinions Questions

Specific Vague

Short Long-winded

Assertive Passive

Nailed down Open-ended

Says what is happening Seeks permission

Conviction Uncertainty

Equality Deferential

Straight to the point Waffle

Confident Apologetic

Facts and figures Generalisations

Being definite Uses softeners

Can May

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The Three Fs of assertiveness

Use this simple three-step strategy to achieve better results
when you want and need to be more assertive in your
communication

The three steps are:

Fact
Feeling
Future

You begin by 1) stating a fact, such as something another person

does. Then you 2) state how you feel about that. And you
conclude by saying 3) what you would like to happen in the
future.

Here is an example of how this works:

Fact: "When you copy me on every email you send out..."

Feeling: "...I feel stressed because it really adds to my workload
to read them, but then I realize I don't really need them all."
Future: "What I'd really appreciate is if you could just take a
second to consider how important it is before copying it to me.
Then I'll know that I do need to read it, and I won't feel unhappy
about it."

Here is an another example:

Fact: "When you send me an emotionally-charged email….”

Feeling: "...I feel upset because it seems so personal."

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Future: "What I’d like you to do in the future is say what you
have to say without getting emotional.”

Listening skills
Active listening requires total attention. People sense if
you’re not fully engaged. When you listen effectively you are
in a better position to build successful relationships with
others

Good listeners
• Make regular eye contact with the speaker
• React non-verbally, with a smile, a nod or a frown as appropriate
• Ask questions for clarification
• Re-state or paraphrase some of the speaker's words to show
understanding
• Listen for the key ideas
• Display empathy by acknowledging feelings
• Pay close attention and don't let their mind wander
• Listen to the whole message without pre-judging
• Use their thought speed to analyse, sort and store material
• Remain objective – are aware of their personal prejudices

Bad listeners
• Interrupt frequently
• Jump to conclusions without waiting for the whole message
• Are so busy formulating their replies that they don't listen to the
speaker
• Let their thoughts take side excursions while the other person’s
speaking
• Get distracted by details
• Stop listening when the subject matter gets difficult
• Don't give any non-verbal indication they’re listening
• Only listen for what they like to hear
• Let their emotions take over
• Get distracted by the delivery rather than focus on content

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