N aturall y Thin
Bethenny Frankel
with Eve Adamson
A Touchstone Book
Published by Simon & Schuster
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ISBN 978-1-4391-8690-9
ISBN 978-1-4391-8692-3 (ebook)
You have come into my life and allowed me to come into yours.
Everything I do is to show you that anything and everything
is possible, and we will get there together.
Introduction
Who I Am, What This Book Is About,
and What You Need to Know Before You Begin 1
Rule 1
Break the Chain: Surviving Childhood 18
Rule 2
Find Your Truth: How I Finally Met My Match 64
Rule 3
Act on It: My Dream Evolves 114
Rule 4
Everything’s Your Business: Finding My Stride As an Entrepreneur 143
Rule 5
All Roads Lead to Rome: The Rise and Fall of BethennyBakes 174
Rule 6
Go for Yours: The Apprentice, Martha, and Me 201
Rule 7
Separate from the Pack: My Life as a “Housewife” 226
vii
Rule 8
Own It: Bethenny Getting Married? 253
Rule 9
Come Together: My Life Now 276
Rule 10
Celebrate!: The Business of Being Happy 311
Acknowledgments 323
Celebrate!
The Business of Being Happy
—Thomas J. Peters
Celebrate!
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more
there is in life to celebrate.
I was fretting to my agent recently about all the things I’m doing
and which choices I should make for my business, and he said to
me, “Bethenny, this is the time of your life. If you aren’t enjoying it,
then what’s the point?”
He’s right. And that’s my goal now—the next great challenge of
my life: to practice rule #10.
The art of being happy is a tricky, complex, difficult art I have
yet to completely master, but I’m committed to it. The truth is,
I’ve never been happier. I’m surrounded every day by my amazing
family. Now I just need to learn how to be nicer to myself, and to
relax.
I’ve allowed myself to be loved. Now I have to allow myself to
appreciate what I have, to slow down and enjoy it. That is my wish
for my birthday and my goal for next year: to learn how to relax and
appreciate the wonderful parts of my life. Because what’s the point
of having everything you ever dreamed of, if you can’t slow down
long enough to relish it? This past New Year’s Eve, we celebrated
simply, with a few friends, and there was something so comforting
and calm about it. Jason and I remembered so many unpleasant
New Year’s Eve celebrations from our past, when we were lonely
or angry or lost, and we both felt so grateful to be together—it was
peaceful and tranquil. It was our way of celebrating.
The business of being happy requires making a conscious
choice. People think being happy will just happen to them someday,
if only they do this or that right. But it doesn’t—you have to choose
it. You choose happiness, you don’t wait for it to choose you.
You have to choose to celebrate.
Whatever your milestone is, whatever great or terrible things
are happening to you or about to happen to you, you always have a
choice. You can have anxiety about it, or you can come from a place
of yes, and focus on the goodness in the situation, and all the things
you’ve learned and gained and achieved.
Now that I’m in my forties, I can’t help but be overcome by
waves of gratitude. I feel so lucky to have gotten this far and to be
Worry Noise
celebrations and you have to build them into your time because
being happy isn’t easy. In fact, it’s impossible without gratitude and
perspective.
If happiness were easy, everybody would feel it all the time, and
it wouldn’t seem like such an elusive prize. At the same time, it’s al-
most absurd what lengths we go to avoid being happy. If good things
happen, we may think the big bad thing must be right around the
corner, or that we don’t deserve the good thing.
I’ve spoken recently to successful professional women like
Rachael Ray and Ellen Degeneres, and they tell me that I really
have to learn to be more loosey-goosey about things, and that the
key is to make everything simpler.
Happiness takes work, and celebrations don’t just happen all on
their own, but you can do it.
As you know from sharing my journey up to this point, it took me
decades to get to this spot, and there were plenty of times when if
you told me where I’d be today, I would never have believed it. It’s
hard, but like anything else great, it’s worth every second of the work
to get there. But remember, this should be fun work. Make happi-
ness your business. Be silly and sweet and open, and make laughter
a priority. Choose to celebrate.
Celebration is life’s frosting: isn’t frosting the very best part of
the cake?
I hope you’ll take my advice and follow this rule to the best of
your ability, so that you don’t waste any time slogging through your
days without relief—even if I’m still struggling to follow my own
good advice. I know from those moments when I get it right that
when you make it your business to be happy, everything takes on
a new glow. Everything gets lighter. Rule #10 becomes an item on
your to‑do list—make it a priority item. When you schedule it like
you would any commitment—like your workout or yoga class or
healthful dinner—other things begin to fall into place. You tap into
your creativity. You feel inspired. You smile more. You worry less.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
Life isn’t always fun, but rule #10 can always make it more fun than
it would have been. Whatever it is that doesn’t thrill you, find ways
to make it fun. Recently, Jason and I were talking about jargon, and
how every industry has its own language. In fashion, everything is
“chic.” In TV, “it’s a wrap.” Jason works in a very corporate envi-
ronment, and we began to make a list of corporate jargon: Circle
back, speak off-line, hard stop, run it up the flagpole, I’m out-of-
pocket for the rest of the day, 30,000-foot view, where the rubber meets
the road, knock it out of the park, shoot me an email, copy me on that,
take the minutes of the meeting . . . by the time we were done, we
were laughing so hard we were crying and I was peeing in my pants.
We laughed about it for two days.
I posted what we were doing on Twitter, and tons of people
twittered more hilarious business jargon. Then they started posting
jargon from other industries. One person said they got all of their
best jargon from the guy who fixes the copy machine. The next day,
Jason couldn’t wait to get to work and get on a conference call so
he could listen for more jargon to add to our list. It helped Jason to
conquer the Monday blues.
And what about holidays? What a perfect excuse to celebrate.
It’s become so important to our family to celebrate every little
thing. We make a big deal about holidays, and every chance we
get we celebrate. I used to ignore victories because I was too busy
moving on to the next thing, but even if it means ordering a glass
of champagne at lunch to celebrate finishing a book or some other
business success, Jason and I have vowed to make space in our lives
for that.
1. Break the chain. Your past happened, and it’s part of you,
but you don’t have to carry forward the bad habits, bad feelings, and
ideas about who you are from that part of your life. Break the chain
and celebrate coming into your own as an adult who is in control of
your own life. What happens from here on out is entirely up to you.
2. Find your truth. Only you can know who you want to be,
what you want out of life, and what the right path for you could be.
Investigate yourself, your true desires, what feels right to you. Lis-
ten to your gut and celebrate who you really are, apart from anyone
else’s expectations. Knowing your truth will make every decision in
your life easier.
3. Act on it. You make things happen. Don’t wait for someone
else to make them happen for you. Act on your beliefs and instincts
and the things you know about yourself. Don’t just sit there—do
something. Forward is always the right direction, even if you aren’t
sure where you are going, as long as you act with integrity from a
place of yes.
4. Everything’s your business. You never know what could
become your next big break. Do everything to the best of your abil-
ity, give every job your all, and treat everything like it’s your busi-
ness. Respect others, play fair, do what feels right, and always keep
both eyes open for what might be your next great path. That way,
you won’t miss an opportunity.
5. All roads lead to Rome. You won’t always know what’s over
the horizon, but you will get somewhere good if you stay focused on
what you want. Even when something bad happens, you’re likely
to see why it happened later. Everything you do leads to something
else, and in the end, if you stay on your path, you’ll get to the place
you wanted to be—even if it isn’t what you expected. It’s probably
going to be even better.
6. Go for yours. You have to get what you want before you can
have the inner resources to give to others. Clarify your goals and
then go for them. It has to be about you first. It’s not selfish. It’s
common sense. It’s the only way to be whole.
—Christopher Robin,
to Winnie-the-Pooh (A. A. Milne)
own life, even when you have to floor it, speeding in the opposite
direction from where you started out. You can choose to be success-
ful, you can choose to be great, you can choose to be happy. You can
choose love.
It’s all up to you. You are in charge. It’s your life. Don’t hand the
wheel over to anybody else. Take responsibility for you, and the rest
will fall into place.
Even if it doesn’t happen until you’re forty. Or fifty. Or any age
at all.
On my birthday, I choose to make happiness my business. I
choose to celebrate—when the cameras are on, and also when they
are off. I choose to be a wife, a mother, a businesswoman, an ice
skater. I choose to love where I am right now. I choose to dance
with Jason and with Bryn and even with Cookie. I’m older and
wiser and better because of the path I’ve traveled, and I choose to
be grateful for that. I have a family now, and that makes every day a
day to remember. I choose to remember.
So take what you want to take from this book. I hope it has
helped guide your path. You have been an inspiration to me, and I
hope I have returned the favor.
To come from a place of yes is everything this book is about—it’s
the jewel in the crown. I hope you’ll remember all the rules in this
book, but they are all arrows pointing to this one pinnacle concept.
Come from a place of yes, and someday, maybe sooner than you ex-
pect, what you really wanted all along will come rolling into your life.
If you watch my show, you know by now that it is no longer
called Bethenny Getting Married? All the question marks in my life
have fallen away. Now it’s called Bethenny Ever After, because that’s
how I’m finally living.
Because of a place of yes.
You come, too. We can all live there—happily ever after.
A PLACE of YES
New from Bethenny!
It’s easy to say no and “I can’t,” to expect
the worst and to doubt yourself. But your life
can be better than “not bad” or “good
enough”—it can be amazing.